dettolgel:


We may not like it (I don't think there is any society where every single one of them accept a behaviour no matter how popular it seems) but it is their society and it is considered normal.

For the record what is considered psychological problem in one society may not be in another.

It is the same way I try to explain to people from tne west when the walk past a church or Mosque while people are praying, they do think the worshippers are seriously deranged.

You want to talk about how they consider Africans that had to risk their lives to get to Europe mentally sick when they could have just stayed back and fight for a good government.

They even find it more crazy that with the number of out of school and malnutrition children instead of Africa to find a solution we just keep making more babies year after year.

My point is each to his own.

The truth is we are all damaged in this world one way or another...no one is 10/10

It’s how society has damaged us that makes us pray the way we do....

You are

Choose the life you want

Double0h7:


You need counseling to recover from your parents relationship. You've internalised another person's experience and that isn't healthy. Love and marriage isn't the things you mentioned so develop yourself, get to know yourself, conquer your fears, weaknesses, and all round mould yourself to the best possible version of yourself. Once you do the ground work then you will attract a man who has done the same and you will get what you want and deserve out of any relationship. Don't use your past as an excuse but rather a platform to grow from.

Very well said

valiju:
Please do whatever makes you happy ..I have been married for 10 years and that has been the most miserable moment of my life despite having a loving and caring wife .

Marriage is not for everybody

What?? You have a loving and caring wife yet you've been miserable in your marriage?? Please explain why

advanceDNA:


The truth is we are all damaged in this world one way or another...no one is 10/10

It’s how society has damaged us that makes us pray the way we do....

You are right bro. Every society has their own craycray.

I also concede that there things that are "wrong" across board.

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

We're on a similar boat

When you see how bad marriage can be, it scars you for life

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

Babe na you i dey find....
I didn't even bother reading all of your write up here..
The first paragraph already sent the messages to my ears...

Chat me up..if you are interested...

Just know dat, all decisions has consequences. Just like lie...enjoy now, pay later and truth, get disappointed now ND enjoy later.

Marriage at start can be tough for many reasons, if u av money, it's makes it Abit easy...there's time to build ND time to leverage on wat u av build.

Your life will be amazing be complete if u av d ryt man.

Make a wise decision.

Elder0001:
It's not a must to get married. Personally, I don't fancy the idea of marriage.
Might get one or two kids though.

No, you are not.

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

Yes you are right there are many hardship in marriage even if your husband is not double dating or beating you you have to do some works that make marriage not easy if your husband doesn't have money. Fetching of water, taking care of children together with managing your own business makes marriage uneasy

But the true is that you can't eat when you do not work for it. It is people that sweep the floor that floor clean for.

Those people that married had prepared themselves for their old age when they would not have Power to do all those things you called hardship. They would need their children to help them solve those problem because is like the have save down for that period. They would have someone to tell how they feel. They would have someone to fight for them, someonr that would say sorry to them, someone who would care for them when they are sick. Someone they can share the memories of the past with , someone people see and realized to be be the sing of responsible Those are their sons daughterd and husbands.

If you are afraid of marriage definitely you will reap it in your old age. Everything in life have time and moments .

If you meet your husband or your wife marriage is simple. Marriage is simple when wife know her duties as wife and husband know his duties as husband. When wife want his husband carry out her duties for her by Force or husband want the wife to do his duties for him by Force problem would or one neglected his or her duties and doesn't want he or she to get it outside from another person problem would arised.

Pray that God should chose for you instead of panicking of Marriage

kdola:
Just know dat, all decisions has consequences. Just like lie...enjoy now, pay later and truth, get disappointed now ND enjoy later.

Marriage at start can be tough for many reasons, if u av money, it's makes it Abit easy...there's time to build ND time to leverage on wat u av build.

Your life will be amazing be complete if u av d ryt man.

Make a wise decision.

Get the Bleep out of my mentions.

What's your value and worth in the first place? This is because I don't see how a sensible man will want to trash you from the beginning of a solicited relationship. Even ladies of lower virtue still have men hover around them and keep up the game of deceit until the end, but for yours to tell you from the beginning isn't a sign of sincerity rather it is a way of justifying his actions after using and trashing, after all he told you from the beginning.If you think he's been sincere, then ask him if he will ever get married and when, and why he doesn't consider you good enough for that position, his answer will tell you more about his mission. And I think you really need to be sober about this, cos that's the perception here. No offense intended!

Moreover, that your parent failed in their marriage should serve as an elixir for you to consciously, deliberately and prayerfully determine to succeed where they failed. Your parents failure shouldnt be an excuse for you to perpetuate that mess.

However to achieve this you need to find your way back to God as I can see your write up laced with self will, ego and ungodliness. If you tow the line of baby mama, it therefore means that your parent were even more successful and reasonable than you are, for no reasonable person will want to birth that bundle of joy under a misguided quote or appellation.

Valid point but when you find the right man who put your needs first before his, who does not cheat, who always begs you when you offends him, who put your career first, who help domestically and who cherish you and his kids. Please marry, because men like me are still out there looking for a woman who would be ready to reciprocate there love.

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

jackcanfield:
Do whatever make you happy and fulfilled , but don't live your life base on other people's life's mirrors. As long as he has access to his kids I don't see anything wrong in that model. You are perfectly normal. Just make sure your seeds are from one man not multiple men.

Is this what God instructed us about marriage or they are your personal fabrications.

1 Corinthians 2:14
But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

1 Corinthians 1:25
Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

No...

StoicAdvisor:
Why is it strange for people generally and individuals to accept the simple fact that marriage is not for everyone? It's why so many homes are miserable. You have to know yourself well to be sure if the institution of marriage is your thing. And it's okay if its not.

@poster, you seems more scared of the man in person, not the marriage. Marriage is not slavery, its freedom. Marriage doesn't reduce, but actually increases your quality of life. Marriage even though subjected to much bastardization in modern times, had been the building block for a healthy society. A good man will heal these fears, where the job is, is to find such man.

Marriage is meant for 99% of people, and it's all good if the 1% remaining choose to join the 99%.
The only problem with human, why we can't hold out not just in marriage but virtually in every facet of life is due to our rebellious nature. Check out in market places, schools, organizations, whether corporate or public and take cognizance of the evil going on within those environment, everywhere you turn to you'll see this madness and wickedness so pronounced. This is not how God intend things to be from the beginning, our rebellion and self will is all that's killing us not just in marriage alone. Until we are ready to return to God and take his wisdom for ours, humanity will forever continue to sink down below morally, even with unspeakable increase in technological advancement, things will never get better.

StoicAdvisor:
Why is it strange for people generally and individuals to accept the simple fact that marriage is not for everyone? It's why so many homes are miserable. You have to know yourself well to be sure if the institution of marriage is your thing. And it's okay if its not.

@poster, you seems more scared of the man in person, not the marriage. Marriage is not slavery, its freedom. Marriage doesn't reduce, but actually increases your quality of life. Marriage even though subjected to much bastardization in modern times, had been the building block for a healthy society. A good man will heal these fears, where the job is, is to find such man.

For some us that don't want to marry how can we fight family pressure?

CandyOps:


Maybe you no de hear word well. Person use her mouth tell u say she is not normal unto marriage levels yet you de insist say she normal. I don't know why guys don't pay attention especially when a babe is telling them her faults

When one of my babes tell me say she de get mental issues I kuku go comot all knifes wey de my house and unplug gas cooker before I sleep. I no wan hear say mad person kill me for night. Me & sense be like 5 & 6

Haha

CandyOps:


Maybe you no de hear word well. Person use her mouth tell u say she is not normal unto marriage levels yet you de insist say she normal. I don't know why guys don't pay attention especially when a babe is telling them her faults

When one of my babes tell me say she de get mental issues I kuku go comot all knifes wey de my house and unplug gas cooker before I sleep. I no wan hear say mad person kill me for night. Me & sense be like 5 & 6

Uncle I will follow you for this comment

eherbal:
You're not stupid for not wanting marriage. Its a personal decision. I nearly never got married too. The problem now is when you finally decide to get married, hope you won't be Shiloh standard then

What is Shilo standard

BluntTheApostle:
In fact, you are very wise.

Marriage is a scam. Only the most foolish get into it.

Bewarned!

like women have shown you pepper

Many pay their last due and burn severally candle night to attain the level of success they now enjoy. Unfortunately this same people don't want to do anything when it comes to marriage, once there is disagreement they kick the woman out and pick another or if it's the other way round, and the cycle continues unending. This same people if possible can be eternally patient with that stubborn lecturer of theirs, or boss at workplace. But once it's their husband or wife all hell must be let loose, we are the ones destroying our marriages with little or no prompting from evil spirits. Let's return to God the one who founded, created, structured marriage and gave a valid sign post on how to navigate its terrain till we are totally bonded, blended; United in spirit, soul and body as husband and wife. Standing firmly against the whims and caprices of the devil, one true and united nation under God bearing godly seeds and populating the world with them. Not the wayward, blasphemous, drug addicted, violent and corrupt minded children turn adult we now have in our offices or at the helm of affairs, who are oblivious of the virtue truth.

jaxxy:
Personally speaking I think u are cos there are good men out there if u look properly.

2. Ur background should not define u. Many people have rough background bt have changed their own lives to reflect what they personally believe in not what they went through.

3. U want independence and control bt can anybody can have total control or independence? whether married or not? unless Ure not going to be in any serious relationship and ur partner will just be a donor? Is that the best situation for a lady? I will say A complete NO!

Only oloshos have no particular partner.

4. There are men who like independent women even in marriage bt to a certain degree which is reasonable and acceptable. Find Sm1 with similar mindset and don’t be too extreme.

5. If u have children outside marriage think about how ur children will feel about ur choice to birth them almost like bastards.(sorry to use that word). They also will not see anything good about marriage even if ur babymama life ends up not being any better.

6. How it will affect ur kids especially daughters. There are men who won’t marry a gal from a divorced home talkless of from a complete babymama. Unless there is a very good explanation.

7, if ur lineage never marries there will be no trace of ur lineage. It will be irrelevant and lost unless any of them makes a mark individually for him or herself.

8. Until u marry u have no identity. If ur parents never married u will not have a family identity. Just bunch or random individuals mass producing like chickens especially for women.

9. There is nothing like ‘Woke crew’ in not being married and having kids. Children must bare a name and have family identity.

So by this Long statement you are advising to get married despite the challenges?

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

You will be okay.

https://gist.am/question/i-think-we-are-in-the-future-and-this-is-2022-am-i-dumb-for-not-wanting-to-get-married-as-a-woman

Your feeling is totally understandable.. I think you just need someone who compliments and fits into your lifestyle and principles.. If you got that, u won't mind being with the person for a lifetime (marriage).

[quote author=Abetterperson post=109975278]I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

this is exactly what i need as well...don't wanna get married, kids, yeah, I'd happily co-parent, companionship and yearnings, yes, but not marriage...honestly the thought of marriage alone is seriously exhausting...

Hassanmaye:

So by this Long statement you are advising to get married despite the challenges?

What are the challenges really?? Marriage is about understanding. Find Sm1 who understands u and vice versa.

Don’t just take the easy way out just because u want to throw away ur values. Work on urself also and find a partner who values what u value.

It’s ridiculous hearing people disregard important things because they can’t put in the work into getting the right relationship and marriage. Life is work and work pays.

If u try ur best and it u can’t find a head way that’s different bt trust me most people who get baby’s outside marriage now are not trying they intentionally go that way cos they feel they can now bt it doesn’t make it right or the best either. Some are just selfish.

Its your choice, do what's best for you

You're perfectly ok, do what makes you happy and take responsibility of your actions.

To add to it, getting married was one of the best decisions I took. It's not easy, not always rosy but worth it. I guess it's because of the type of partner I have, it's a beautiful thing but not for everybody

Its best to stay off giving birth if you don't want marriage, for the child's sake

Hassanmaye:

like women have shown you pepper

I will never give any woman that opportunity.

But as a man who was once a church pastor, my ears are full. I have heard and seen things.

That is beside the literature on marriage that I have studied.

Marriage is a big scam.

Abetterperson:
I don't really fancy married at all, it as to do with my upbringing I never grow up in a stable home and I found happiness when my parents were apart rather than together. I really don't like the idea of marriage because I see it as a cage, mind you im not totally against it I just think it wouldn't suit me, I never grew up in a family home so I don't know how to build one.

A guy asked me out and I agreed only on the condition that we wouldn't get married, he refused saying what's the point of the relationship if it wouldn't lead to marriage, even though I don't like the idea of marriage I do want to feel loved and wanted, I still do want kids and some sort of companionship, as crazy as it sounds I just want a baby daddy, I wouldn't have a child with him because I want to money, nop I'm already trying to establish myself, I really want to be financially independent so as to take care of my kids
Now the main reason I don't want marriage is because of my Independence, I don't want to answer to anyone at all and I know it will be difficult if I'm married to someone because in every marriage there is a level of dependence that is needed to make the marriage work, whether you are a man or woman u don't just do what you like especially when there is a child involved, secondly I'm thinking about the emotional stress my kids will go though if the marriage doesn't work, I don't want my child to grew up with memories of dad beating mum, mum shouting at dad, mum throwing a knife at dad and incase I do divorce I don't want my child to be in a state of depression, thirdly most Nigeria men treat their wives as trash, I Know what I'm talking about they don't value their wives, some see them as property other than an actual human being, some think of their wives as house maids and will refuse to do anything in the house or even allow the woman to get a help, some are also serial cheaters and don't see anything wrong with cheating because as they put it "I be man". Now I know that some women are equally as bad but I'm just stating my concern as a woman after all I'm not going to walk down the alter with a woman by my side.
So that's all I need my Independence, stability and control, people are saying I will regret but I really think it's for the best for me, I feel like I have a lot of time to think as I plan on having children at 28 but I don't know if my opinion will change then.

I'm I stupid for not wanting marriage?

No you are not stupid. As a matter of fact more and more men too do not want to have anything to do with marriage. As at 2019, based on a Pew research at least 1 in 2 black men and women in the US were without spouses and many who were once married do not have any intentions to remarry. This is the case when you live in woke societies where men are demonized and suffer at the hands of the legal system and more women are incentivized to abandon traditional roles and become feminists and single mothers. The result is fewer marriages, fewer homes, fewer families, slower population growth, more manageable populations to control and more power to governments.