₦airaland Forum

MufasaLion:
After reading through the posts on this thread including DevGuru's, I would say the guy did something I wouldn't have done. How could you forgive a woman and her family that did such thing to you? Crazy!

I ain't gonna forgive nor take back such woman and her family irrespective of whatever. I don't care if we've had kids. I would rather be divorced and have peace of mind and sanity than be married to a slimy black mamba in human form.

Well, the dude hasn't been online for some years now, but I hope all is well with him.

AccidentalGenius:
Divorce her now or loose your last testicle. Jeeze, bunch of bipolar women. Honestly man, leave that woman or loose your last testicle. Life is too short to live it worrying about silly things like this

Hammyaladin:
I swear even if it's me I won't forgive oo! This shit is even making sacred of bitches and their double crossing the most. May we not find our selves in such situation!

Even God is going to hold Satan accountable after he disrespected him in heaven. Talk more of us weak men?

Lie lie! I feel hurt for op sef. Like how how?

MufasaLion:
It's really pathetic! I hate betrayal and it cuts deeper when it's from someone close to you.

jhydosky:
DevGuru. I salute your decision and sincerely wish you goodluck in your marital life. I could relate very well with your story.

But to be blunt, I am pessimistic about your situation because you still don't know the root cause and the motivation. Any mistake done more than once is a decison, the fact that there exist multiple recording files (of different dates and times I believe) proves that already. The disdain these guys have for you and your mum especially is NOT platonic at all. I fear it is deeper than how you are taking it...and it won't just blow away without a jolt. You didn't jolt them enough in my opinion.

Trust me, all the attention and apologies is what Yoruba folks call "Oju aiye". It is mere damage control.

As they say, You can decide whether to step in front of a moving car/train or not but you can't decide the consequence.

It would be foolhardy and most naive of you to believe your marriage will remain the same or your wife won't relate with her family because of this issue.

You squandered your advantage of surprise...
You have just made further plans more discreet or outsourced (in the worst case scenario).
The panicky phone calls and damage control moves suggests plans maybe suspended for now, but should whatever motivation driving this become stronger, be ready for unpleasant bigger surprises.

Also, You need to impress it on your dad to have a manly discussion with her father. It is important.

Lastly, don't ignore the DNA advice. It is for your confidence only.

pharmagba:
I feel very sorry for you, but a man got to be a man
Firstly I don't know the real sickness and precise age of your daughter but one thing you must know is it is not good for a wife to have too much free time as it is a veritable devils workshop you ought to ensure she is working; open a shop for her or impregnate her so she continue baby nursing,

Now to your findings first of all copy it somewhere else like your phone and then confront her with it, play everything to her hearing, pause at intervals to ask her what you've done wrong, please don't be aggressive or angry; control your emotions. Ask her what she has to say.

Let her know it is betrayal, threaten her you will summon a family meeting of both family and see her reaction.
If or not she apologies don't tell anybody either your family or her. NEVER.. It must not come from your mouth.
But make a stand none of her family members should have your respect. They must never come to your house. Don't give reasons, don't pick or answer their calls until you see full repentance in her. which must be after like a year. .it is her family that must bear the brunt and punishment Nothing more

Don't divorce her she is your wife, folly is in the mind of a woman. I know it will definitely leave a scar in your relationship, forgive her still and try to let go, call her from work and be a good father and husband.

DevGuru:
UPDATE!!!

I must confess that Nairaland is a wonderful online community. In these trying times of mine, the only thing that has kept my head intact is the company I have here reading all comments. I would have revealed much more information about us especially for the sake of those who have expressed their doubts about the veracity of my story, but I can't, because I wouldn't want to provide some pointers for anyone on this forum who might know any of my wife's relatives or mine. Although I got several diverse opinions, all comments still depicted the kindness in the the hearts of the commenters. Even those who called me stupid for not being too hard on my wife did so because they feared I could lose my life - a high level of kindness which I appreciate a lot. Even the opinions I did not follow on this thread still served a purpose of enlarging the pool of options from which I was able to make a choice. I expect much more expressions of disappointment towards my folly (for deciding not to go for a divorce for the sake of my child, the unborn and the fact that my faith forbids me from marrying another woman if I choose not to live with her anymore).

On the morning following my last update, my wife's depression continued but I tried to act like a loving husband towards her. I could read in her face that the more I tried to be kind towards her, the greater the emotional torment she passed through because she found it hard to believe that I could forgive her. Maybe she even thought I was planning a brutal revenge, but this time, not against her alone but against her sisters. She could not imagine the extent of my actions if I was to execute her thoughts. In the evening, as we were having dinner, she started talking softly to me while looking at the food on the table. I had to tell her to speak louder because it was like she was talking to the food. Then she voiced out as tears rolled down her cheeks saying "I've informed all my siblings about our conversations that got leaked to you and they are not talking to me again". I asked her why they were not talking to her and she said they all must have been confused and I understood that to be because they did not know what my next move would be. Married adults of ages between 35 - 45 were running helter-skelter because they had just ruined their sister's marriage. Their ONLY hope was in my forgiveness. The Lord had suddenly delivered my 'enemies' into my hands and if I chose to wield my sword, they might have to relocate away from their home town because the extended family would know the shameful story that threw their last born out of marriage. I told my wife that seeing her crying for the misery of her sisters was annoying to me as it meant she was further betraying our home. Then I picked her phone on the dinning table to check whether the records were still there... lo and behold... everything was gone. Even the app itself had been uninstalled. I smiled and asked her why she cleared the calls and the app, she replied (crying further) "I just can't listen to the evil voices of myself and my sisters". I smiled again and asked "What about the app? You don't want me to ever hear anything again? She replied "No, I just wished to clear everything that could bring bring back the memory". Then I opened my laptop and navigated to a folder where I had copied all the conversations. I played one and she was shocked to hear it even louder than it was on the the phone. Her fears had just been confirmed... "Why was he pretending that he had forgiven me..." - just my own thought anyways. But truly, I had forgiven her, I was just trying to follow some wise counsel from Nairaland. She couldn't wait till the end, she left me with the food and walked to the bedroom. I slept on the living room couch that night.

The following morning, I continued to read comments on this thread and remembered I was sitting on a time bomb by keeping the whole thing to myself. I went to have my bath and told her I was going out. She was surprised because it was a public holiday. I was already on the road when I called my father that I needed to see him urgently. Luckily for me, he was at home, so I went straight to him and explained all that had happened to him while I played some 'music'. He praised me for taking the matter to him first because he knows we are all closer to mum and revealing such an issue to mum would mean an end - or at most, the beginning of the end. My dad respects my wife's parents a lot and would not like me to take them to their knees on this issue. He spoke with me at length. He said my wife was a good lady but the reason she was so vulnerable was because of her position in the family and that the sisters weren't so lucky this time. He advised me to get closer to my wife so that a natural distance could evolve between her and her sisters. He then begged me never tell my wife that I had revealed the matter to any of my family members because that would be a strong way for me to prove my love to her which she would ever live to appreciate. After all talks, he asked me to call one of my wife's sisters' husbands right in his presence because he knew they (the husbands) must have been told a 'padded' story. I first used the FCMB Mobile App on my phone to load N3,000 before making the call. At the start, he was cold with me on the phone as if a rival was trying to ask for his girlfriend's best food. Later, he admitted that he was aware of all that happened and started all those Yoruba elders' talk... how he had never raised his hand to beat his wife, how he would always walk out, how he and his wife prayed together... bla bla bla. Then I told him I was going to terminate the call and forward some files to him on Whatsapp. I simply picked two of his own wife's conversation with my wife and forwarded to him, expecting him to call back. After about 30 minutes, my Dad told me to call back. I called twice before he answered. He became cold again and couldn't say anything but that his wife would call me soon. After about 1 hour and nothing happened, I had to leave, but my dad told me to carry him along. When I got home, I walked to the bedroom and met my wife on the phone but I did not know who she was speaking with. I returned to the living room and continued reading from my myriad of advisers on this thread.

Then the call came in. It was my wife's sister's voice (not the eldest one)... begging me to forgive and try to forget. She sounded like she was outdoors under the influence of some heavy downpour. I can't express the feeling at that moment but the only thing that I remembered was Proverbs 16:7. (apologies to the wonderful Muslims on this thread...). Even though she didn't believe me, I forgave her. Then the husband collected the phone from her and spoke with me at length... apologising on behalf of the entire family. The major point he kept re-iterating was that I should not let my people know...

All the while, several other simultaneous calls were on. My wife's family members were calling one another while some also called my wife to know the extent of what I got hold of. Interestingly, the first born (who advised my wife to keep a separate account) had also been hinted and had run to their parents to open up to them. She could imagine the level of shame that was coming to her - A PhD holder who is the family's Senior Adviser on every issue. Her parents called her husband to join them immediately as he was their only front soldier who could speak to me. Suddenly, the first born's husband's call came in. He pleaded that he would not like us to revisit the ugly situation but that I was the only one that could save the entire family from the mess by forgiving everyone. He stated that he had been told everything that was done to me and he would like me to honour him and reverse my war order - this was when I confirmed that they had been speaking to my wife. He showered prayers on me while I remained aggressive in my AMEN responses (as if to let them know I was neutralising their spells on me). He promised to call my wife and warn her never to discuss her family issues again with any of her sisters. He also begged me severally never to reveal it to my people as it would mean a reversal to the beginning. Although he didn't give me the impression that my wife's parents were with him - my wife told me this later...

At night, my wife came to kneel down by my side to make her own pleading. I was very glad because the whole ambience was like the clear sky devoid of any cloudy covering after a thunderous rain. I spoke softly to her and began to re-iterate my ideals to her - it was a good preaching time for me. Now everyone (including my wife) is praying that I do not decide to spill the whole thing out one day. My wife's eldest sister later called me that night to directly tender her own apology - at a time she had confirmed I wasn't going to be hostile anymore.

For me, I believe there's so much left for me to do on my wife. For anyone who has followed the recent events of my life which could have ended in a tragedy but for God's intervention and would love to give me some helpful ideas as I move forward, kindly drop your comments. I'll be very glad to read them.

Cc: ezechueze, Mafking, AccidentalGenius, RadicallyBlunt, ojun50, GoldenJAT, olempe, LuveU2, goldbim, phabulous88, pharmagba, 2goodbobo, PezzoNovante, marvelous000, Tritri, IRserveMyComent, AlienStar, STENON, krak101, AccidentalGenius, danduchi, samsam2019, uchedydy, Ruemufaith, sashishalom, ednut1, bakynes, sumborr, general111, byvan03, obiak4, Eketem, obiak4, emekachimek, elektra, priceaction, segzy0i, MizzD, richyfunky, bellong, nnamdibig, Timbuktou, TheArchangel, tearoses, andromida, HaneefahRN, TV01, Amelian, WellEndowed, Jethrolite, baeboo, trishapal, drss, Donemmy, Ujoan, pcguru1, Tochex101, pastorpussy, crackhaus, ranktzy, cococandy, mysticgal, toksbisola, Okikiki, succourplanet, Darla, ummeey, kaboninc, BiggyB242, Ishilove, mac04, mysticgal, ummeey, kaboninc, BiggyB242, yetseyi, Spydamannn, YourCoffin, peeparty, fem29, Pyno30, mylove4him, Petroking, ISpiksDaTroof, Elebiju, rosy1992, babayega, repogirl, jajainall, Contact17, packagerz, tete7000, MrD2, Taryur3, ahahnow, saintdennis, Marvel1206, olaarie, DICKtator, Insel, Wealthy15, DeRay98, Freeezzz, igbsam, danduchi, freecocoa, dissybling, CoCoLav, Ioannes, ify84, Almajiri1, Beey, emyreal1010, laikas, greatwhite, Biographyroom, FxDuke, Irishrena1, Totfulguy, Lescalier, freedomm, chronique, LUV1, buksaylor001, papinx, toye440, lovaleenny, 0ubenji, ekeroyal, teemy, goodgate, Luckygurl, compujyde, DonX001, yoged, meetdavid, teemy, newecop, solobenzo, Tunechi1, amacastel, luckyehis, igbsam, vicchi12, frozenSun, sweatlana, taemilola, DonX001, Totfulguy, luisina, Fawklicant, Silvofitz, binarykid, keke87, oyetpel, saasala, Mskrisx, Exlusive, borngeologist, ohynedar, Leorichy, Seamareggae, ephi123, NifemiOlu, uplawal, WellEndowed, princeakins, Ronke001, sexy74, vicadex07, mirob, Elle277, tianshie, mylove4him, Chriso2, Seamareggae, dacillin, bj4jesus, pastorpussy, Themandator

ImaIma1:
Your wife's family really exhibit a rare kind of wickedness. And your wife is soo soo soo gullible. Those things they advised her to do to you and against you, do they do them in their marriages.

The fact that your wife took everything they said says more about her than them. I am the last child too and I have 3 sisters. Thank God they are not wicked people. But if they were, they can't even adivse me that way, and if they do, I won't follow such stupid advice.

Thank God, they have retraced their steps. However, it is more because they were caught and not because they repented on their own. I think you should let them know that a member of yoir family knows. You don't have to tell them who it is. That will further keep them in check.

I hope things are better now. Gives us update.

DeRay98:
Consider the bolded, it's not rare any more.
Why many young married ladies detest their in-laws and find ways to instigate quarrel between them and their son and force him to avoid his relatives, these same young wives exposes their marriage to her own families, get instructions from her own folks to run her home and how treat her own husband.
The unsuspecting husband end in strong of his in-laws who would pretend to be neutral until there's misunderstanding btw him and his wife then, they 'll bare their fangs at him because he had no idea that he's been held down.
It's not rare I've seen it and some of my male friends have tasted it too.

DevGuru:
UPDATE

I sincerely appreciate the fact that almost everyone here regards this matter a very serious one, this alone warms my heart a little. I have read through every single comment on this thread and I appreciate everyone. I couldn't take down the names of those whose comments aligned with my aim of keeping my marriage, but I thank everyone all the same. I realised from a myriad of comments that informing my people will mean a beginning of the end for my marriage. My daughter too is a major consideration. Above all, she's carrying another 6 week pregnancy. I have therefore decided to eliminate (or maybe suspend as the case turns out) informing any of my family members. I decided to play the records to her while I added some words. I started by telling her that my love for her made me decide to talk to her and not to anyone who would possibly fuel separation in my home like her sisters have done. She was shocked because she had never heard any allegation from me towards her elder ones before. She thought I was crazy and I wanted to bring up what was not. Then I played a little while I summarised the wildest words from her sisters which I heard in other discussion. For the FIRST time, my wife couldn't deny ANYTHING as she was convinced beyond doubt that she had been finished. She cried bitterly as I talked further but did not know what to do. But what pained me further was that it was obvious she cried because she saw that I was going to turn to an emperor and ridicule and justifiably disgrace her elderly advisers, NOT really because I was betrayed.

Right there, I was looking for a particular one to play and then even heard what I didn't hear before. Her eldest sister said she had discussed with some other siblings to intensify efforts towards her job search that as soon as she gets a job, she would have to be sending money home for them to create something for her in their town so she could come settle. She cried further as she heard it too. I told her the implications of what she had done to me with her people and then left her in the room because my baby girl was disturbing me. Anytime our voices are not friendly, she interrupts and cries for attention. I took my daughter to the living room and was playing with her.

After about 1 hour, she came to the living room and fell down before me as she cried further, saying "I'm sorry". Then I asked her to state exactly what she was begging me for - her betrayal or her siblings' offence. She knows me very well, she quickly said her betrayal (even though I knew that wasn't the primary cause of her heavy heart). Then I told her I was willing to forgive her in the spirit of upholding my marital vows to her. I explained further that for the sake of our daughter and the unborn one(s), I was willing to forgive her and build a stronger home with her. She felt a little relief knowing that she was getting back into me. I then said "but from this minute, I'm in a ruthless war with anyone, I repeat, ANYONE who is determined to break my home as I now have to guard our togetherness jealously". I stated further that the only thing I would hold against her was if she ever stood in my way. Just as if a thunder just struck and killed someone dear to her, she cried loudly again saying "she had finished her life". She said she would be the one to suffer in the war I just declared and that I should just allow her to call all of them and tell them never to meddle into our affairs again. I refused to fall for that trick and held my stance that my resolve was not going to change and I walked away. Since then till this moment, she has been like a mourning widow. When it was time for food, we ate together as usual and I've been the one trying to talk now. She hasn't spoken with anyone on phone since then, although I don't know about Whatsapp or BBM chat. Now she's waiting for the next available opportunity when she could plead for her sisters again... only God knows for how long the waiting would be. Let me quickly mention that she sent me an SMS from the bedroom a while ago: I CAN SEE THE HANDWORK OF THE DEVIL IN THIS WHOLE MATTER, PLS LET'S TRY TO RESIST THE DEVIL THIS TIME SO HE CAN FLEE FROM OUR HOME. I BEG YOU IN THE NAME OF GOD DEAR".... I simply replied from the living room: "ON THE CONTRARY HONEY, I CAN SEE THE HAND OF GOD. CAN'T YOU SEE IT?"

On another note, I do not want to assume that she will not tell her sisters, although it might take a while because she knew they would rebuke her for delivering them into the hands of their 'enemy' through Call Recorder. But before she informs them, I think I'd follow someone's advice here too that I should reveal it to someone who could keep it away from my mum and sisters, which is surely my Dad - just to put someone in the know, in case I begin to smell rat poison in my food... lol. What do you think?

Cc: ezechueze, Mafking, AccidentalGenius, RadicallyBlunt, ojun50, GoldenJAT, olempe, LuveU2, goldbim, phabulous88, pharmagba, 2goodbobo, PezzoNovante, marvelous000, Tritri, IRserveMyComent, AlienStar, STENON, krak101, AccidentalGenius, danduchi, samsam2019, uchedydy, Ruemufaith, sashishalom, ednut1, bakynes, sumborr, general111, byvan03, obiak4, Eketem, obiak4, emekachimek, elektra, priceaction, segzy0i, MizzD, richyfunky, bellong, nnamdibig, Timbuktou, TheArchangel, tearoses, andromida, HaneefahRN, TV01, Amelian, WellEndowed, Jethrolite, baeboo, trishapal, drss, Donemmy, Ujoan, pcguru1, Tochex101, pastorpussy, crackhaus, ranktzy, cococandy, mysticgal, toksbisola, Okikiki, succourplanet, Darla, ummeey, kaboninc, BiggyB242, Ishilove

Ishilove:
May God keep you dear

DevGuru:
I'm still alive o my broda... I've been following everyone's thoughts and resisting the temptation to respond to individual posts until the time I am able to give further update. With what I've read so far, I think I'll have to include more background information in the next update.

Klass99:
Is DevGuru still alive? Is this marriage still existing?

Indigbo:
Good Lord, what manner of man is this? so people like you still exist? how can a man like you watch your wife allowed her siblings to use her to make decisions & control in your marriage? I seriously doubt I would've been able to stomach this act. It's hard to imagine. First of all please try to do a DNA whatever on your children. Any wife who allow her siblings to have a say in her marriage is not a wife material and such wife is on a mission to take all the juices in the marriage to her siblings. I think the most painful thing about this is the betrayal, the disloyalty, it's like your best friend stabbing you in the back with the longest knife ever. Must have been what Jesus felt when Judas sold him out, when Peter denied him, must have been what King David felt when his son Absalom, his own flesh and blood, usurped him. When a wife is listen & believe anything from her sibling against her husband, there was no love in the first place & it's all planned work to marry you for their benefit & Its simply point to the end of the man. She'll regret it all her life. My brother, it's so unfortunate that you've got married to a selfish monster.

The bible says a wise woman builds her home while a foolish woman tears her home apart: You now know what your wife is. Your wife is soo soo soo gullible. Those things lies they advised her to do to you and against you, do they do them in their marriages?. The fact that your wife took anything they said says more about her than them. The bible says husband & wife shall become one but your wife doesn't see you as one flesh. If it were me , that marriage is over between us and there is nothing anyone can tell me that'll listen to, I hope you find peace ✌️,It's really pathetic! I hate betrayal in marriage and it cuts deeper when it's from someone close to you. I swear if it's me I won't forgive oo! This shit is even making sacred of bitches and their double crossing the most. You want to hear the truth, your wife doesn't love you anymore & it's obvious she's sacrificing her marriage to please her siblings, siblings that when bad things happen they will not be the one to look after her but you. May we not find our selves in the hands of greedy arrogant entitled siblings. Tufiakwa spits.

Wow! A lady can do this to her hubby for real? It makes no sense and I wonder what she will profit from this.

For those saying he shouldn't divorce her, would you stay if you were in his shoes? Wouldn't you feel insecured around her?

Pls sir, find peace and live long by separating yourself from her. She sold you out and your secrets are no longer safe. She is not your friend!

Wow! A lady can do this to her hubby for real? It makes no sense and I wonder what she will profit from this.

For those saying he shouldn't divorce her, would you stay if you were in his shoes? Wouldn't you feel insecured around her?

Pls sir, find peace and live long by separating yourself from her. She sold you out and your secrets are no longer safe. She is not your friend!

freecocoa:
For those people saying she was influenced and blah blah blah.

Y'all fail to realise that some people go into marriages with a mindset, that's exactly what seems to be the case here. This is a wife that should protect her husband with all her life even if she knew that husband was wrong she should be the one to tell them to mind their business and that's when they will know that she mean business with her marriage. They clearly manipulated her and she fell for it. Move on bro. Avoid them cos they don't like you. Avoid.

While in school, I've heard ladies talk about how they'll hide money from their hubby, do so so and so stuff to protect themselves, they even talk about women who they personally know involved in such and how they'll have nothing to lose in the end.

The OP's wife is overly well aware of what she did, like it's not people that plan murders on daily basis.

OP, if you like stay there and be forming one thing one thing, I just hope you don't write the next update from a coffin.

How you can even look at such a person, let alone eat from the same plate, days or so after this discovery beats me, actually makes me think this story is fake.

MrMcJay:
OP, keep her in your house very well you hear? Wetin dey worry u sef?
E dey do me like say make I use slap jump-start ur brain.

The day her siblingsvadvise her to be doing some things secretly without letting you know, you are a dead man. They'll just kill you and even kill her one day to inherit all you both worked for. Pls don't go near them. They're not good in-laws.

Rat poison is very cheap, 3 for N50. You'll just start getting dry and die behind the fridge. Alternatively, when she disconnects the brake of your car and you dance under Dangote trailer, we'll read it here on NL.

By the way, tell your wife's sister's husbands o what their wives are up to. At least if you guys want to buy your coffins in bulk, it should be cheaper.

Even if you don't value your life, pity your mother and daughter and kick out that devil even if it's a temporary separation.

Flee from temptation... and don't leave a forwarding address.

I am a practicing marriage counsellor by profession. As a wufe always ensure you don't take sides with your siblings against your husband even when he is wrong in the open. Ensure you stand and support him in their presence. Correct him privately will always improve his respect for you and from your family. As a good wife, encourage mutual respect and establish clear boundaries between them, recognizing that both are integral parts of your life. Make efforts to prevent conflict between your siblings and your husband and never allow them to tell you anything against him.

You become a responsible wife when you know how to put boundaries before between your siblings and your husband. You don't encourage your siblings to have a single directive information against your husband. Siblings are not the problem but the wife who listen to their lies to fuel their expectations. When you allow that, you give them power to publicise you and your husbands personal issues around and people will conclude that you don't have a happy marriage.