₦airaland Forum

angelo5uk:
Yes you can discipline. Matter of fact I do that to my kids all the time. They're are several effective ways that we as parents can discipline our kids. The word discipline itself comes from discipleship.. Meaning to teach.
Flogging, hitting or causing physical harm to a child is not discipline.
There's a thin line between how we discipline kids in Africa and child abuse. That's why lots of kids in Africa dont have self confidence. They don flog their confidence commot for their body.
The first thing I noticed since relocating abroad is that kids here are very self confident. They can look you in the eye and have a very good conversation with you.
I know liberals here in the US will rather have their kids run in autopilot mode which is very wrong but just like I said we can take the best of both worlds and raise our kids accordingly.
This is one of the major reason why 1st generation immigrants kids usually do way better than American kids.

Kobojunkie:
Please stop praying and go get him to see a child therapist. That boy does not need "deliverance", what he needs is special attention, and the clues you get from therapists can help you better understand and give him the kind of attention he needs..

Advision:
1. Not to discount your good advice, but really do you think prayer isnt necessary?

2. Also, why do we look down on everything African? The white men have their way of dealing with this, Africans also have their way. I for one, know the African way works quite well. Let us not be brainwashed into thinking the whiteman's way is always better.

3. I for one know if I can get him to Nigeria for 3-4 years he will be straightened up, I am concern about the emotional toll of family seperation

klassyguy:
Hence the reason why you choose to use the condescending tone you're using to refer to another person's kid. I get it, we are on a faceless platform where you can air your utterances freely. My kid is not going through any kind of hell. You wouldn't like it if someone speaks of your three boys like that. My boy is a very lively and lovely kid. Everyone he meets sees him as a very bright kid. He just has some behavioral issues which I believe is normal for a boy his age. I posted this topic to seek opinions on how to tackle them, not to hear insults, so kindly refrain from acting like you're a better parent than others cos you have it easy with yours. We are mature enough to share ideas on how to handle our children's development to make them better people without delving to the level of insults. Not all children are the same.

klassyguy:
I have two lovely kids with my wife - a girl and a boy. My son is six years old while his sister is eight. Both were born here in the US. I’ve done what I feel is right as a father to train these kids, but I know not everything can be done accordingly.

My son is restless. He has the attention span of three seconds before he gets distracted by something else. My mum tells says he is a copy of me when I was his age, but that was in the eighties and the way children were handled back then is totally different from today. He hardly wants to do anything in terms of school work and almost every day I get complaints from his teacher that he does not do his work or he is disruptive in class. When other students are doing their work, my son will be the one falling off his chair or hiding under his desk. His teacher told me he acts out when being corrected. Only yesterday my wife told me the teacher met her when she went to pick them up in school and told her that my son started yelling when the lights in the class started flickering. His behavior got so bad, they had to call the school security officer before he calmed down.

This behavior is really bothering me. I know my son is smart. His pre-school teacher once told me he was the smartest student she had. My son can do complex mathematical equations off the top of his head that even his older sister struggles to do. He has a very good memory and can list off all the types of trains that exist in the US, things that even I don’t know. It’s sitting down to be serious about work that he can’t do and can’t seem to focus on.

I enrolled him in a soccer club to see if that would help him expel his excess energy. At first he seemed to be lazy as he gets frustrated easily, and rather try harder, my son would rather give up and cry. I mostly have to encourage him to put in more effort, and most of the time he does not pay attention to what the coach says. The coach told me a couple of days ago that he wants to move him to a lower group level to see if he can build his confidence there.

I want to believe it’s his being the last born for now that’s worrying him. He seemed to start being a bit more mature when my wife got pregnant last year and he learnt they had a younger sibling on the way, but unfortunately, she miscarried and we lost the baby. I’ve been thinking for a while now whether to move back to Nigeria with everyone so that we can build some sense into both of them (my daughter’s story is another one). I’ve thought of taking them both for an ADHD test, but my wife is against that. The only time my son pays attention is when he’s doing something he likes, and that is when he’s playing the PS5 I got them or watching videos on YouTube Kids.

Any advice would be welcome from parents out there.

Nagasaki7:
Does your son display separation anxiety. I.e wants to always stay around you or his mom? Does he follow you or his mom around?
Has he restrictive feeding habit like specific food or nothing? Not wanting to eat.
Is he aggressive and throwing tantrums, self injurious when he didn't get what he wanted
Does he cry or laugh without obvious reasons.
Has his writing deteriorated from what it use to be?
Does he display obsessive like behaviours e.g specific clothes or colours?
Does panic whenever there is loud sound, bright light.
Does he understand facial expressions?
Does he play with other kids, share things with others, has friends?...

klassyguy:
Hence the reason why you choose to use the condescending tone you're using to refer to another person's kid. I get it, we are on a faceless platform where you can air your utterances freely. My kid is not going through any kind of hell. You wouldn't like it if someone speaks of your three boys like that. My boy is a very lively and lovely kid. Everyone he meets sees him as a very bright kid. He just has some behavioral issues which I believe is normal for a boy his age. I posted this topic to seek opinions on how to tackle them, not to hear insults, so kindly refrain from acting like you're a better parent than others cos you have it easy with yours. We are mature enough to share ideas on how to handle our children's development to make them better people without delving to the level of insults. Not all children are the same.

Nagasaki7:
1.Does your son display separation anxiety. I.e wants to always stay around you or his mom? Does he follow you or his mom around?
2.Has he restrictive feeding habit like specific food or nothing? Not wanting to eat.
3.Is he aggressive and throwing tantrums, self injurious when he didn't get what he wanted
4.Does he cry or laugh without obvious reasons.
5.Has his writing deteriorated from what it use to be?
6.Does he display obsessive like behaviours e.g specific clothes or colours?
7.Does panic whenever there is loud sound, bright light.
8.Does he understand facial expressions?
9.Does he play with other kids, share things with others, has friends?...

olawalesammy:
Do you go go church , do you pray together , do you teach him the way of the lord ?
The best way to bring up a child his a Godly way

LordReed:
Yeah Kobojunkie can be condescending at times but generally he means well within the limits of his humanity. He is right though on the hell part but not in the way you took it. I had a relatively average upbringing, my parents did not mistreat me and did a good job of providing even though they struggled but when I grew up I began to realise I did suffer hell but it was completely internal. I think this is what Kobojunkie is referring to, your kid might be having really tough internal struggles that he has no words to use to express. This is not your fault at all but it does give you more impetus to get him to a child therapist ASAP so you can get a handle on things. Wish you all a good life.

klassyguy:
I beg to disagree. I know exactly what was meant by "hell". I know for the first five years here in the US we had it a bit tough, but my wife and I made sure the kids did not lack in any way. My son has no issue communicating with me. If he was struggling mentally, I would know. He tells me anything that's bothering him. He once told me one of the kids in a higher grade tried to bully him during recess by telling him to "go back to your jungle". I had to call the school authorities who looked into the matter and they found out it was true. They had the parents of the kid apologize to me and the kid apologize to my son. So if it comes to communication, he knows I got him covered.

I spoke to my mum over the weekend (she's a registered nurse and has also worked with kids in the past) and asked if I was ever tested for ADHD when I was around his age. She told me my school advised I get tested then as I was so restless, but it came out negative. That I was just naturally active. So at least there's that. But having monitored him for a few days now, he has been very calm and not acting overly excited. Maybe it's due to the soccer games he had over the weekend.

I've already made an appointment with his doctor, so I'll wait and see.

Thanks alot for your concern.

Advision:
Not to discount your good advice, but really do you think prayer isnt necessary?

Also, why do we look down on everything African?

The white men have their way of dealing with this, Africans also have their way. I for one, know the African way works quite well. Let us not be brainwashed into thinking the whiteman's way is always better.

I for one know if I can get him to Nigeria for 3-4 years he will be straightened up, I am concern about the emotional toll of family seperation

klassyguy:
Thank you very much. The funny thing is i do not even allow them to watch anything until the weekend. They know they have their school work to do each time they get home.

One issue I figured is my son gets bored easily. He gets tired of things once he has done them more than twice or thrice. When I call and tell him we would work on his homeworks when I get home, more often than not he would have done them before I get home. He is the kind of kid who can't sit still in one place for long and gets distracted, which was how I was when I was his age. That's why I decided to enroll him into the U8 soccer team he is. He has been there for a few weeks now and i hope that helps him.

shogsman:
You have a serious poverty oriented mindset

Adesina18111:
Bring him to Nigeria, Ajegunle or Orile iganmu to be precise...he go learn from the street... too much joy dey affect him