₦airaland Forum

ImaIma1:
But normal woman will just wake up and start pushing her husband to the wall right?

Men we have these days are perfect. They don't commit offences.

Domestic Violence are majorly caused by women, d earlier u ladies tell yourselves d truth for u all.

ImaIma1:
Explain. Give examples.

Read from page 1 or 2 and see where I cited an example

emmanuelbrown26:
Domestic Violence are majorly caused by women, d earlier u ladies tell yourselves d truth for u all.

This here is the reason why domestic violence can not be eradicated, because of men with such mindset.

emmanuelbrown26:
It was how women made d society to be.
Back then, every young man dreams of having his own family, every woman dreams of coming to another family.
Back then, women united so many families that a brother would like to marry from d family of sister inlaw.
DM was less then, Love was more then, understanding was more then but this day, women want to eat their cake and still hv it.

Please, do yourself and the world a favour; do not marry any woman.
Please.

emmanuelbrown26:
Read from page 1 or 2 and see where I cited an example

You didn't give any examples. But it's ok. It won't matter anyway.

Mariangeles:
Please, do yourself and the world a favour; do not marry any woman.
Please.

Very good advice. No woman should be subjected to such a mindset.

ImaIma1:
This here is the reason why domestic violence can not be eradicated, because of men with such mindset.

U guys never told yourself d truth, d earlier u say d truth d better for d society.

Mariangeles:
Please, do yourself and the world a favour; do not marry any woman.
Please.

We are not talking about marriage here young lady.

ImaIma1:
You didn't give any examples. But it's ok. It won't matter anyway.

I told u to go to page 1 or 2 and see where I cited an example of what happened in my former place of work. Either u hv read it and decided to look away as usual which is normal with women whenever something is not favouring them

Who is even marrying them

Hmmm

TONYE001:
The death of Osinachi Nwachukuwu shocked many and provoked controversies, especially regarding her marriage (Kaduna, 2022). When I learned of her death, I was first sad that such a great singer was gone; later, as more details began to emerge, I soon began to wish that we got things right in our country, sooner than later. Notwithstanding the myriads of testimonies that have flooded the online space, the true cause of Osinachi's death can only be established by an autopsy (Das and Chowdhury, 2017). Until this is done, statements about her death cannot hold water.

There are speculations that Osinachi was a victim of repeated domestic violence from her husband (Sahara Reporters, 2022). Other sources report that she died of throat cancer and that as a matter of fact, she was on life support for approximately two months before her death (Tugbobo, 2022). While we continue to wait for the report of the definitive cause of her death, we all must agree that this incident has vigorously stirred discussions on domestic violence online and offline.

Domestic violence (DV), or intimate partner violence, is defined as "a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner" (United Nations, n.d.). DV also refers to injurious physical, sexual, and psychological behaviours occurring within the context of an intimate union or any other type of union (Sardinha et al., 2022).

The experience of DV has become common in recent times. To further demonstrate this, I shall briefly take you through some very disturbing statistics. Studies show that globally, about 1 in 3 women and 1 in 10 men 18 years of age or older experience DV (Huecker, King, and Jordan, 2022). According to Sardinha et al. (2022), worldwide, about 38-50% of murders of women are committed by their intimate partners causing significant economic and social impacts for individuals and the government. The prevalence of DV against men is pegged at 3.4% to 20.3% (Kolbe and Büttner, 2020). A study reported that out of every three (3) deaths due to DV, two (2) are women (Benebo, Schumann, and Vaezghasemi, 2018). In their research on the prevalence and determinants of DV in an urban community in the southwest, Oluwole and Onwumelu (2020) recruited 400 women aged 18-73 years. They reported a lifetime prevalence of DV of 73.3% within their study population. Sadly, DV does not seem to be declining. Over the years, trends show a steady increase in the rates of DV. In Germany, 100,766 women were victims of DV in 2013, but in 2018, over 114,000 women became DV victims (Armstrong, 2019).

If we took a survey now, a good chunk of us may attest to have been victims or witnesses of DV. I recall many years ago when I was a secondary school student. We had a neighbour who invited us to his wedding ceremony. I recall vividly how the MC had asked him at the reception how he would react if his wife failed to prepare food for him for whatever reason. He smiled and answered boldly that he would "call her honey." To paraphrase his response, I think he meant that he would understand and appreciate the challenge that may have prevented her from preparing his meal and perhaps support her. A few days after returning from their honeymoon, this couple broke into a fight that left both of them badly injured. I still wonder what may have caused that fight. About a year ago, a patient presented to our emergency ward with burns. As we resuscitated and clerked her, she told us she got the injury while preparing breakfast for her children. The truth, however, was exposed when her relatives met her husband in the ward. We soon got to know that her husband had been physically assaulting her for years.

In the past few days, I have read a series of arguments on DV. Some quarters believe that the media is unnecessarily being too loud about violence against women and deliberately underreporting violence against men. Other people argue that women who are victims of DV must have brought it upon themselves. One writer on this forum wrote that "a man can never beat a good wife." In other words, this writer implied that all female victims of DV are bad (disrespectful, abusive, disloyal, wicked, etc). But are these claims true? The statistics above objectively prove that violence against women occurs at proportions far above violence against men worldwide. This does not deny that there are men that are victims of DV, but If we continue to separate DV along gender lines, we may never get to its roots. I wonder why DV is now discussed in two contexts: against women and men. Do we imply that the effects of domestic violence against men and women differ? Or does the law prescribe different punishments for men and women who kill their spouses?

Saying that only "bad wives" are victims of DV is shocking. We tend to sit in the comforts of our homes and assert skewed opinions that are nothing but baseless. Most of what we know is limited to what the media reports but we manage to alter the narratives of events in ways that suit our beliefs. For example, because some of us have concluded in our hearts that only "bad wives" are victims of domestic violence, whenever we come across stories of women that are physically assaulted by their husbands, we quickly assume that they must have done something terribly bad to warrant her husband's actions. We do not query the husband, and we are hardly bothered that the man may have infringed on the rights of the woman. We do not bother that this may have been a case of attempted murder, and if nothing is done, the husband may eventually kill her, or another victim. Our entire focus falls on the woman, and we begin to probe the "evil" she must have committed. I ask, aside from a direct and immediate threat to life where alternative actions are impossible, is there any other acceptable reason to assault a human or to commit murder? Assuming a wife abuses her husband, does this qualify as a reason to physically attack her and inflict varying degrees of life-threatening injuries on her? If this were so, would the wife be also permitted to assault and kill her husband if he abuses or disrespects her? If we continue like this, our society would become a replica of the animal kingdom where actions are directed by primitive instincts rather than objective reasoning.

Why do spouses physically assault themselves? Why would a husband hit his wife? Why would a wife attack her husband? To get to the roots of domestic violence, we must trace the causes. Economic problems, husband's drug/alcohol abuse, husband's family interference, husband's suspicion, religious and cultural misunderstandings, husband's remarriage, and children from previous husband's or wife's marriages were some identified causes of DV (Rahnavardi et al., 2017). In a local study (Igbolekwu et al., 2021), 82.3% of respondents believe that the major cause of DV against women is the economic dependence of women (or wives) on men (or their husbands), 52.3% agree that communities tolerate and encourage some abusive behaviours, and as much as 61.5% of the respondents think that some religious and traditional beliefs support DV.

A BBC report (Obidiebube, 2018) made a shocking revelation: Section 55 of the Penal Code (applicable in Northern Nigeria) allows a husband to physically assault his wife as far as it does not cause serious bodily harm. What is more shocking is the Law's definition of bodily harm. The Law defined bodily harm as harm severe enough to warrant hospital admission for a minimum of 21 days! Ironically, we also have a Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act for 2015 that stands against different kinds of violence. This disparity in the law further makes it difficult to secure justice for victims of DV.

Some of our cultural practices support DV. Historically, in the Igbo culture, for instance, the dominant role of women "is to make pure wives for their honourable husbands. In marriage, they are expected to be submissive to their husbands, do housework and domestic chores, farming, and bear children" (Egbo, 2021). But are these roles still exclusively for women today? [b]Times have changed and the economy has become complex. These days, to maintain a home, both husband and wife have to earn some money. If a husband and his wife leave for work at 8 am and return at 5 pm, would the husband be fair if he expects his exhausted wife to hurry to the kitchen and begin to pound akpu for dinner because it is exclusively her responsibility according to the African tradition? In some instances, if the wife fails to do this, she is considered disrespectful and not submissive and she may be beaten. Some of us are hypocritical without knowing it. Civilization and technology have happened to the original African tradition but instead of accepting and living with all the good changes that come with these, we tend to be selective. We accept changes that suit our purpose and favour us and deny changes that may favour others. For example, we accepted Western education because it promises to improve our lives. We accepted computers and other technological devices because they ease our lives. But some of us refuse to accept that role of the African woman in our society has greatly changed. With the advancement of knowledge, we now know that men and women are both humans and no one is above the other. They both have equal rights and equal responsibilities. Cooking, washing dishes, bathing children, and sweeping are not exclusive roles of women just like going out to look for money is not an exclusive role of a man. [/b]

I believe the first step to stopping domestic violence is redefining marriage. Some of us have lines in our heads separating the responsibilities of a husband and a wife. In real sense, such distinct lines do not exist. Couples ideally should live in a fluid environment where things flow naturally. The idea of marriage is to have two people come together, support each other, and improve their lives while mutually enjoying their days. Marriage is a way of life and not an obligation where responsibilities are shared and delegated. In marriage, any capable hand can meet any responsibility without waiting for anyone. A husband should be able to bathe his children, sweep the house, do the laundry, and cook breakfast whether or not his wife is at home. A wife should be able to do these things, and provide/contribute money for upkeep on impulse.

By God's design, true love should be the fuel that should power the home. This is lost when people marry for the wrong reasons. If pure, undiluted love is lacking in any home, domestic violence is likely. If you love your wife as you love yourself, you would never raise a finger to hit her, unless you can hit yourself. If you love your wife absolutely, you would not have unrealistic expectations of her. If you love your wife as you love yourself, forgiveness, moving on, and not archiving faults should be natural habits.

Dear Parents, it is high time we began to raise our children the right way. If we train them well and demonstrate good examples before them, they would not grow to become monsters to their spouses. Dear fathers, if you hit your wife in front of your children, expect the same from them when they grow. If you sit in the parlour, watching TV all day without helping your wife in the kitchen, expect your son to be a bad husband when he grows up.

The government has a lot of roles to play in combating domestic violence. Strong laws must be made and the government must have the willpower to enforce these laws.

As private citizens, we also have roles to play if we must kick out DV. The mind-your-business culture is not African. Here, we do not mind our businesses! If you suspect your neighbour is a victim of DV, act immediately and report to the authorities whether or not the neighbour confides in you.

Our religious leaders must modify their teachings and encourage their members to take decisive steps if being abused. Members should be encouraged to separate from their spouses and they should be supported. Our religious leaders must be willing to get the authorities involved if they suspect that their member(s) is/are victim(s) of DV.

As I conclude, I would like to leave this last note to victims of DV. Please, prioritize your life over anything. Your life is paramount. Separate yourself from your spouse now that you still can. Beyond this, you should also report him/her to the authorities and ensure he/she is prosecuted and put behind bars for a long time. If you take these actions, you would have successfully protected future victims of your spouse.

Tonye001.

Nice article but this wouldn't change the world, it wouldn't even move the needle because that's just the way it is.

TONYE001:
I once wrote that a lot of folks are going about with undiagnosed neuropsychiatric conditions. Some may be subclinical but others may be so glaring that it takes a specialist only a few seconds to identify it.

We have been so stressed by our failing society and government that a good number of us now have some psychiatric manifestations without knowing it. We have so much anger and frustration flowing in our blood that at the slightest provocation, we explode.

Honestly, the government has a lot to do but sadly, it continues to perform far below expectations.

There need to be sustained effort in psychoeducating Nigerians in all our local languages, English and Pidgin inclusive on mental health issues, childhood traumas that transits to dysfunctionalities in adulthood.

I am more interested in childhood and adolescent stages of human growth and development thus I am pursuing my specialty in that area because those stages strongly influences the adults we become.

I believe workplaces, social clubs, places of worship etc should also invest resources to create awareness in helping people in identifying neuropsychiatric conditions and the need to access professional intervention.

There need to be more visual contents created around mental health issues.

Nigerians and double standards are like 5&6.

Nigerians and hypocrisy are like bread and butter.

If this energy was channelled into tackling and preventing 'deaths by DV', Osinachi would probably have sought for help and would be with us today.

Her husband failed her;

Her family failed her;

Her church failed her.

TF is this nonsense?

We didn't finish project in school to come and be reading literature review on Nairaland.

Abeg carry this nonsense comot for here. There's time and place for everything.

donprinyo:
Who is even marrying them

Their fellow women, just as men are eager to marry their fellow men because they are more logical and less likely to provoke domestic violence.

J

usj:
Good write up with sources we can not check. I strongly condemn all forms of abuse and strongly encourage Love and respect.

However, one thing I hate most especially from the woman side is, most believe its only women that suffer from domestic violence.

We should all condemn violence against everyone and not shout only when it's against a woman, but when it happens to a man, we say "stop complaining is he not a man"? Or simply downplay it.

So, if he is a man he can be verbally abuse, emotionally abuse or even physically abuse? (some women and stronger than their men).

So, if you're in a toxic relationship, use your tongue to count your teeth. Forget about what people will say and act.

You have said it all.

The Tonye dude,like most NL men, are thristy niggas who just want female validation.
I don't think he gave a balanced view in his report. Condemn DV anywhere you see it. It's not just about physical assault, there is mental and psychological trauma under DV. Tackle all forms of it, then you have my support.

usj:
Good write up with sources we can not check. I strongly condemn all forms of abuse and strongly encourage Love and respect.

However, one thing I hate most especially from the woman side is, most believe its only women that suffer from domestic violence.

We should all condemn violence against everyone and not shout only when it's against a woman, but when it happens to a man, we say "stop complaining is he not a man"? Or simply downplay it.

So, if he is a man he can be verbally abuse, emotionally abuse or even physically abuse? (some women and stronger than their men).

So, if you're in a toxic relationship, use your tongue to count your teeth. Forget about what people will say and act.

You just echoed my thoughts.
Domestic violence in Nigeria context is tricky because when domestic violence is been mentioned, most people only see the physical abuse side.
Most men are being abused emotionally, mentally and economically but the sad truth is that when few men try to open up, they are being laughed upon and called weak men.

As more women come out to expose physical abuse, more men should also speak out too.

No matter the preachings or campaign against DV around the globe, it's not gonna change anything, it's still gonna be violence and more domestic violence. This is the most corrupt and detroirated age ever in the history of the world.

emmanuelbrown26:
I told u to go to page 1 or 2 and see where I cited an example of what happened in my former place of work. Either u hv read it and decided to look away as usual which is normal with women whenever something is not favouring them

Unfortunately, your example does not hold water because as you stated "my head no too correct for woman matter". That means you are biased and prejudiced when it has to do with women. And you don't have the ability to make objective conversation and arguments. That has shown in your comments so far.

Just look at how you described the guy as "cool and gentle" "spoke politely". You can't even hide your bias.

Your head no correct for woman matter and you are here trying to make sense. It's obvious you are a redpiller. People that hate women for a living.

omooba969:
Nigerians and double standards are like 5&6.

Nigerians and hypocrisy are like bread and butter.

If this energy was channelled into tackling and preventing 'deaths by DV', Osinachi would probably have sought for help and would be with us today.

Her husband failed her;

Her family failed her;

Her church failed her.

There is so much work that has been done to fight intimate partner violence. There are NGO's that are dedicated to this. Some private citizens have also written (like this article). Before this incident, there were hundreds of articles on DV on the internet. It is the government that has not done much. Our laws are weak and they are poorly enforced.

I think private citizens and organizations are doing their best so I can't classify them as being double standard.

Let's all do whatever little we can in our private circles. We should also be on the lookout.

TONYE001:
The death of Osinachi Nwachukuwu shocked many and provoked controversies, especially regarding her marriage (Kaduna, 2022). When I learned of her death, I was first sad that such a great singer was gone; later, as more details began to emerge, I soon began to wish that we got things right in our country, sooner than later. Notwithstanding the myriads of testimonies that have flooded the online space, the true cause of Osinachi's death can only be established by an autopsy (Das and Chowdhury, 2017). Until this is done, statements about her death cannot hold water.

There are speculations that Osinachi was a victim of repeated domestic violence from her husband (Sahara Reporters, 2022). Other sources report that she died of throat cancer and that as a matter of fact, she was on life support for approximately two months before her death (Tugbobo, 2022). While we continue to wait for the report of the definitive cause of her death, we all must agree that this incident has vigorously stirred discussions on domestic violence online and offline.

Domestic violence (DV), or intimate partner violence, is defined as "a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner" (United Nations, n.d.). DV also refers to injurious physical, sexual, and psychological behaviours occurring within the context of an intimate union or any other type of union (Sardinha et al., 2022).

The experience of DV has become common in recent times. To further demonstrate this, I shall briefly take you through some very disturbing statistics. Studies show that globally, about 1 in 3 women and 1 in 10 men 18 years of age or older experience DV (Huecker, King, and Jordan, 2022). According to Sardinha et al. (2022), worldwide, about 38-50% of murders of women are committed by their intimate partners causing significant economic and social impacts for individuals and the government. The prevalence of DV against men is pegged at 3.4% to 20.3% (Kolbe and Büttner, 2020). A study reported that out of every three (3) deaths due to DV, two (2) are women (Benebo, Schumann, and Vaezghasemi, 2018). In their research on the prevalence and determinants of DV in an urban community in the southwest, Oluwole and Onwumelu (2020) recruited 400 women aged 18-73 years. They reported a lifetime prevalence of DV of 73.3% within their study population. Sadly, DV does not seem to be declining. Over the years, trends show a steady increase in the rates of DV. In Germany, 100,766 women were victims of DV in 2013, but in 2018, over 114,000 women became DV victims (Armstrong, 2019).

If we took a survey now, a good chunk of us may attest to have been victims or witnesses of DV. I recall many years ago when I was a secondary school student. We had a neighbour who invited us to his wedding ceremony. I recall vividly how the MC had asked him at the reception how he would react if his wife failed to prepare food for him for whatever reason. He smiled and answered boldly that he would "call her honey." To paraphrase his response, I think he meant that he would understand and appreciate the challenge that may have prevented her from preparing his meal and perhaps support her. A few days after returning from their honeymoon, this couple broke into a fight that left both of them badly injured. I still wonder what may have caused that fight. About a year ago, a patient presented to our emergency ward with burns. As we resuscitated and clerked her, she told us she got the injury while preparing breakfast for her children. The truth, however, was exposed when her relatives met her husband in the ward. We soon got to know that her husband had been physically assaulting her for years.

In the past few days, I have read a series of arguments on DV. Some quarters believe that the media is unnecessarily being too loud about violence against women and deliberately underreporting violence against men. Other people argue that women who are victims of DV must have brought it upon themselves. One writer on this forum wrote that "a man can never beat a good wife." In other words, this writer implied that all female victims of DV are bad (disrespectful, abusive, disloyal, wicked, etc). But are these claims true? The statistics above objectively prove that violence against women occurs at proportions far above violence against men worldwide. This does not deny that there are men that are victims of DV, but If we continue to separate DV along gender lines, we may never get to its roots. I wonder why DV is now discussed in two contexts: against women and men. Do we imply that the effects of domestic violence against men and women differ? Or does the law prescribe different punishments for men and women who kill their spouses?

Saying that only "bad wives" are victims of DV is shocking. We tend to sit in the comforts of our homes and assert skewed opinions that are nothing but baseless. Most of what we know is limited to what the media reports but we manage to alter the narratives of events in ways that suit our beliefs. For example, because some of us have concluded in our hearts that only "bad wives" are victims of domestic violence, whenever we come across stories of women that are physically assaulted by their husbands, we quickly assume that they must have done something terribly bad to warrant her husband's actions. We do not query the husband, and we are hardly bothered that the man may have infringed on the rights of the woman. We do not bother that this may have been a case of attempted murder, and if nothing is done, the husband may eventually kill her, or another victim. Our entire focus falls on the woman, and we begin to probe the "evil" she must have committed. I ask, aside from a direct and immediate threat to life where alternative actions are impossible, is there any other acceptable reason to assault a human or to commit murder? Assuming a wife abuses her husband, does this qualify as a reason to physically attack her and inflict varying degrees of life-threatening injuries on her? If this were so, would the wife be also permitted to assault and kill her husband if he abuses or disrespects her? If we continue like this, our society would become a replica of the animal kingdom where actions are directed by primitive instincts rather than objective reasoning.

Why do spouses physically assault themselves? Why would a husband hit his wife? Why would a wife attack her husband? To get to the roots of domestic violence, we must trace the causes. Economic problems, husband's drug/alcohol abuse, husband's family interference, husband's suspicion, religious and cultural misunderstandings, husband's remarriage, and children from previous husband's or wife's marriages were some identified causes of DV (Rahnavardi et al., 2017). In a local study (Igbolekwu et al., 2021), 82.3% of respondents believe that the major cause of DV against women is the economic dependence of women (or wives) on men (or their husbands), 52.3% agree that communities tolerate and encourage some abusive behaviours, and as much as 61.5% of the respondents think that some religious and traditional beliefs support DV.

A BBC report (Obidiebube, 2018) made a shocking revelation: Section 55 of the Penal Code (applicable in Northern Nigeria) allows a husband to physically assault his wife as far as it does not cause serious bodily harm. What is more shocking is the Law's definition of bodily harm. The Law defined bodily harm as harm severe enough to warrant hospital admission for a minimum of 21 days! Ironically, we also have a Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act for 2015 that stands against different kinds of violence. This disparity in the law further makes it difficult to secure justice for victims of DV.

Some of our cultural practices support DV. Historically, in the Igbo culture, for instance, the dominant role of women "is to make pure wives for their honourable husbands. In marriage, they are expected to be submissive to their husbands, do housework and domestic chores, farming, and bear children" (Egbo, 2021). But are these roles still exclusively for women today? [b]Times have changed and the economy has become complex. These days, to maintain a home, both husband and wife have to earn some money. If a husband and his wife leave for work at 8 am and return at 5 pm, would the husband be fair if he expects his exhausted wife to hurry to the kitchen and begin to pound akpu for dinner because it is exclusively her responsibility according to the African tradition? In some instances, if the wife fails to do this, she is considered disrespectful and not submissive and she may be beaten. Some of us are hypocritical without knowing it. Civilization and technology have happened to the original African tradition but instead of accepting and living with all the good changes that come with these, we tend to be selective. We accept changes that suit our purpose and favour us and deny changes that may favour others. For example, we accepted Western education because it promises to improve our lives. We accepted computers and other technological devices because they ease our lives. But some of us refuse to accept that role of the African woman in our society has greatly changed. With the advancement of knowledge, we now know that men and women are both humans and no one is above the other. They both have equal rights and equal responsibilities. Cooking, washing dishes, bathing children, and sweeping are not exclusive roles of women just like going out to look for money is not an exclusive role of a man. [/b]

I believe the first step to stopping domestic violence is redefining marriage. Some of us have lines in our heads separating the responsibilities of a husband and a wife. In real sense, such distinct lines do not exist. Couples ideally should live in a fluid environment where things flow naturally. The idea of marriage is to have two people come together, support each other, and improve their lives while mutually enjoying their days. Marriage is a way of life and not an obligation where responsibilities are shared and delegated. In marriage, any capable hand can meet any responsibility without waiting for anyone. A husband should be able to bathe his children, sweep the house, do the laundry, and cook breakfast whether or not his wife is at home. A wife should be able to do these things, and provide/contribute money for upkeep on impulse.

By God's design, true love should be the fuel that should power the home. This is lost when people marry for the wrong reasons. If pure, undiluted love is lacking in any home, domestic violence is likely. If you love your wife as you love yourself, you would never raise a finger to hit her, unless you can hit yourself. If you love your wife absolutely, you would not have unrealistic expectations of her. If you love your wife as you love yourself, forgiveness, moving on, and not archiving faults should be natural habits.

Dear Parents, it is high time we began to raise our children the right way. If we train them well and demonstrate good examples before them, they would not grow to become monsters to their spouses. Dear fathers, if you hit your wife in front of your children, expect the same from them when they grow. If you sit in the parlour, watching TV all day without helping your wife in the kitchen, expect your son to be a bad husband when he grows up.

The government has a lot of roles to play in combating domestic violence. Strong laws must be made and the government must have the willpower to enforce these laws.

As private citizens, we also have roles to play if we must kick out DV. The mind-your-business culture is not African. Here, we do not mind our businesses! If you suspect your neighbour is a victim of DV, act immediately and report to the authorities whether or not the neighbour confides in you.

Our religious leaders must modify their teachings and encourage their members to take decisive steps if being abused. Members should be encouraged to separate from their spouses and they should be supported. Our religious leaders must be willing to get the authorities involved if they suspect that their member(s) is/are victim(s) of DV.

As I conclude, I would like to leave this last note to victims of DV. Please, prioritize your life over anything. Your life is paramount. Separate yourself from your spouse now that you still can. Beyond this, you should also report him/her to the authorities and ensure he/she is prosecuted and put behind bars for a long time. If you take these actions, you would have successfully protected future victims of your spouse.

Tonye001.

I once called the attention of the Nigerian Police to a domestic abuse.The response was that it is a family matter,let the family settle it.
Nigerian Police will only show up once death occurs.

luminouz:
You have said it all.

The Tonye dude,like most NL men, are thristy niggas who just want female validation.
I don't think he gave a balanced view in his report. Condemn DV anywhere you see it. It's not just about physical assault, there is mental and psychological trauma under DV. Tackle all forms of it, then you have my support.

It is rather sad that you consider this effort a means of seeking females' validation. You just missed the point here.

The bolded are mentioned in the article, by the way.

Thank you.

kingyakos:
No matter the preachings or campaign against DV around the globe, it's not gonna change anything, it's still gonna be violence and more domestic violence. This is the most corrupt and detroirated age ever in the history of the world.

No one is sure of the future. Maybe, just maybe, our campaign against DV may just pay out. Who knows? Someone in the government may read this piece and push for stronger laws against DV.

Whether it works out or not, it's better we keep fighting rather than staying back and doing nothing.

All men and women who are passing through domestic violence shld speak out for help.
However, if u are a man or a woman, and it is ur abusive language against it wife or husband dt causes d violence, pls tame ur mouth.
Taming of ur tongue will save u whether man or woman not just from domestic violence but also from a lot of problems in this life.
Constant nagging is also a form of domestic violence.Of u are tired, separate by living apart from each other instead of daily shouting at each other.

cocolacec:
I once called the attention of the Nigerian Police to a domestic abuse.The response was that it is a family matter,let the family settle it.
Nigerian Police will only show up once death occurs.

The Nigerian Police Force needs a TOTAL overhauling. The entire Nigerian security structure, in fact.

matm:
All men and women who are passing through domestic violence shld speak out for help.
However, if u are a man or a woman, and it is ur abusive language against it wife or husband dt causes d violence, pls tame ur mouth.
Taming of ur tongue will save u whether man or woman not just from domestic violence but also from a lot of problems in this life.

Well said!

9ce one op!

may God give us the wisdom to train our kids the way its should be. Our parents really failed us especially raising a male kids. Am talking from experience. The more we take that both gender has their roles to play, no one is superior than the other, the better for us.

I rest my case!

TONYE001:
1. The article above has no point against correcting a child and sending children on appropriate-for-age errands; it is entirely against every form of DV, including a wife assaulting her maid.

2. I agree, family values must be revived and this was captured in the article.

3. YES, a husband should not request for food from his wife when they both return from work (both exhausted). The husband and the wife must help each other in preparing their meals. If the husband gets home before the wife, there's nothing wrong if he prepares the meal before his wife returns and vice versa. You see, when there is true love, understanding, and maturity, this, really, would not be seen as a big deal. It's just like a brother living with his sister who decides to fix dinner before his sister arrives ..

4. Do you also know that husbands request money from their wives? Why do you think it's only wives that request money from their husbands? Anyone can request money from anyone! A husband cannot be in cash all the time. Sometimes, unexpected expenses happen requiring extra funds or something. Couples don't necessarily have to wait until a request is made; couples should give freely, whether or not there is a need.

5. These are not necessarily rules. These are etiquettes of peaceful living. Anyone can work the above points out by applying clear reasoning and first principles.

6. "So many women that you see talking back at husband's calls their pastors daddy and and even see nothing wrong in submitting to his rules and regulations but turns to tiger in their matrimonial homes" - sadly, this is true.

7. The article is not just my opinion, sir. As you can see, it's a product of research. The article did not isolate the horrible economy and the society as the reasons of DV (they are very MAJOR reasons though). The article identified many other reasons.

Thank you.

To really curb domestic violence in the society.We need to start from the root cause the home.Corporal punishment should become a taboo in Nigeria.It should be forbidden in the home,Schools,Religious centres and work places.
Only slaves and animals are beaten to conform to the wills of the masters.

Until then,we will only continue to create a new generation of Narcissistic men and women without love and empathy in their hearts which in turn create a chaotic society with people with no humanity..

TONYE001:
In truth, there are wives like this and this is bad, very bad, in fact. Simply, they lack wisdom and should be urged to study their Bibles closely.

But please, can I ask a question? Are there men that would refuse to help their wives in the kitchen but would hastily cook for their girlfriends (what they call "side chicks" ) ? Are there men that would not wash their wives' clothes but would wash their girlfriends' clothes just because of sex? Of course, there are!

You see? It goes both ways.

Honestly, we have to learn to look at this issue without gender bias. Both genders have their faults and we must learn to address these faults together.

I have read through your write ups till this point,I give you Kudos to your vast knowledge and patience when answering questions thrown at you,but I don't think a woman,pastor and a man,side chick are good analogy to describe what you both are trying to debate on.
Men naturally are ego (alpha)filled(positive either negative) while women are (beta) known to be the passive beings.
It's common seeing women idolising their pastors ahead of their husbands when compared to men washing plates or undies for their side chicks.
A man in his right senses won't wash a woman's undies or plates(apart from probably when his wife is pregnant or sick or any other woman he loves genuinely) and this is even temporary but a woman who places the pastor above her husband will rightfully tell you she does so from religious point of view,on how the pastor is her spiritual father and all other bla bla.