₦airaland Forum

luminouz:
I think they all see DV from physical assault aspect alone, being the physically weak gender. They don't see mental, emotional and psychological manipulations as DV. That's where women rule. Yet if a man talks, he gets laughed at and scorned because apparently, he is supposed to 'suck it in and take it like a man' but forgetting that man or not, he is human and has limits of tolerance. When he loses his shiit and bursts out, people blame him and castigate him, yet no one wants to understand just how much mental strain he has gone through to suddenly snap like that.

Unless the man is clinically insane or with malignant tumors in his head, it makes no sense to beat a woman you love and who bore you kids.

Exactly what i hv being saying here but trust that gender, they will always attach emotion to it

ImaIma1:
Unfortunately, your example does not hold water because as you stated "my head no too correct for woman matter". That means you are biased and prejudiced when it has to do with women. And you don't have the ability to make objective conversation and arguments. That has shown in your comments so far.

Just look at how you described the guy as "cool and gentle" "spoke politely". You can't even hide your bias.

Your head no correct for woman matter and you are here trying to make sense. It's obvious you are a redpiller. People that hate women for a living.

No don't hate women at all. I'm an easy going guy towards women with a clause, a woman should know when not cross boundaries whenever u are with me.
See what u ladies refer to as caring, at times I see it as stupidity.

TONYE001:
How, please?

I thought physical domestic violence reduced in recent times.

obryns:
This is a topic I think the society hasn't addressed honestly,

1. the society believes that a woman's strength is in her mouth and it is okay to abuse a man verbally while same society expects the man to walk away when provoked or abused by a woman, the society never canvasses for the woman to also walk away when provoked, so the emphasis should be No to any type of abuse,

2. it is not okay to verbally or emotionally abuse a man or a woman,it is as damaging as physical violence,most DV stems from verbal abuses but the society is fine with a woman using her strength (her mouth) while asking the man not to use his own strength (his fists),

3. so it now behoves on how much control the man has over his own anger, people have different temperaments,so we are waiting for the next man that will lose control of his anger to beat a woman instead of teaching and expecting both men and women not to abuse themselves in any way,it is wrong to abuse anyone in anyway whether verbally, emotionally or violence,it is not okay and should not be encouraged or excused

1. While it is not OK to verbally abuse anyone, it is however, not a crime to do so.

Physical assault of any kind is however a crime punishable by law.

2. Indeed, verbal and emotional abuse, while not physically damaging, is not a crime. Verbal abuse is not a strength and is not limited to women. Men are also implicated in cases or verbal and emotional abuse. Verbal and emotional abuse is not now regulated by law and so it is left to individuals to recognize and flee toxic relationships of that kind.

Again, physical abuse on the other hand is a crime.

3. Again, physical abuse is a crime and hence punishable by law. It is not society's place to teach individuals to have control over their anger.

Verbal and emotional abuse is not now regulated by law and so it is left to individuals to recognize and flee toxic relationships of that kind.

emmanuelbrown26:
When it comes to DV, women are simply d cause, that's d fact. I would hv narrated stories upon stories but I won't go their bcs this is not why we are here.
Yes I know some stupid men in boys skin that can't reason at all.
Yes I know some men that are not worthy to be called men at all.
Yes I know some idiotic men in boys skin that are not suppose to associate with human beings.
But domestic violence are being caused by women and d earlier women start knowing that they are d cause d better for them

you are a living legend boss. You are wise, you apply Logic rather than emotion. YOU ARE A MAN!

ImaIma1:
Guy rest.

I'm resting with this, u care for this? Let's drink together

emmanuelbrown26:
It's not all about reporting her to d boss, this is what u get in our modern society.
These are d types of ladies u see in our modern society.
D pharmacist being a gentle and cool guy was annoyed within him but somebody like me would hv treated it in my own way.
With all due respect sir, women of this generation feels that once they acted stupidly and nobody cautioned them, it would automatically become part of them.
Women hv to be put in their position that's one of d way domestic violence could be curtailed

and i assume based on your argument beating them is the best way to put them in order i guess..... what happened to leaving them or sacking them or quitting them........sometimes we should agree that our way isn't always the best and violence is never an answer.....in as much as the behaviour of the lady is very wrong violence is not the answer

emmanuelbrown26:
One thing about me is that I don't make mouth on a faceless forum, so I won't go their. We'll I gat no one, so say something else.
Some daughters of eve deserves better beating, marriageable women were last seen late 1990s and early 2000s. U see from 2005 down d Lane are all rubbish

You dont make mouth....



After making mouth SMH

Back in my University days, I had this married neigbour. His wife will always hit and beat this man so often that i wondered if na juju.

The day I overheard her boasting to her female friends on how she handles her husband was the day I knew this wasn't ordinary. The peak of it all was the day she hit the man with their side stool on the head and the man passed out. We all thought he died though.

I had a talk with this huge hulk of a man and he said he was raised never to hit a woman n that the wife will come around with time.

See eh, I'll put it to who cares to know that men go through more DV and are more victims of DV than the women just that men don't speak up and won't scream down the building when they have to bear the ill treatments out of shame and to protect their ego.

I don't support or encourage DV in anyway but women should stop making it sound like they are the only victims and men are just supposed to bear it and be men.

Mindlog:
Same you hyperventilating, would urinate in your boxers when a cadet in the Nigerian Defense Academy confront you.. na for woman matter your body dey hot.

That you grew up seeing females in your family being beaten up by the men does not make it right.

what is so special about a cadet?
they are just guys like you,except the institution attached.


you are a fricking blawdy coward!

Maurindo:
Back in my University days, I had this married neigbour. His wife will always hit and beat this man so often that i wondered if na juju.

The day I overheard her boasting to her female friends on how she handles her husband was the day I knew this wasn't ordinary. The peak of it all was the day she hit the man with their side stool on the head and the man passed out. We all thought he died though.

I had a talk with this huge hulk of a man and he said he was raised never to hit a woman n that the wife will come around with time.

See eh, I'll put it to who cares to know that men go through more DV and are more victims of DV than the women just that men don't speak up and won't scream down the building when they have to bear the ill treatments out of shame and to protect their ego.

I don't support or encourage DV in anyway but women should stop making it sound like they are the only victims and men are just supposed to bear it and be men.

Research all over shows that women suffer DV more than men. You can look up the sources I cited, you can also look up other sources. Even our individual experiences would confirm this. I'm sure if you want to count the incidences of DV you've seen in your entire life, you may find that you have witnessed more against women than men.

Well, the point is not the gender that suffers it the most. I think we should come together and fight against DV. Only this would make sense. If we continue to throw blames and dissect which gender is victimized the most, we'd only keep counting dead bodies that were victims of DV.

ImaIma1:
People like that are set in their thinking. They cannot see beyond their own narrow-minded thinking.

But you cannot blame him. It was how he was brought up to view women and the relationship between men and women. He has to make a conscious effort to get enlightenment.

try comparing your tone with Tonye's tone, you both are on the same page but compare the tone, you'll know why men hit women.

Sureplug123:
you are a living legend boss. You are wise, you apply Logic rather than emotion. YOU ARE A MAN!

Desis my brother, desis

tiswell:
what is so special about a cadet?
they are just guys like you,except the institution attached.


I am a fricking blawdy coward!

Eyah

tiswell:
what is so special about a cadet?
they are just guys like you,except the institution attached.


you are a fricking blawdy coward!

Help me ask that sis aboy.

Sureplug123:
try comparing your tone with Tonye's tone, you both are on the same page but compare the tone, you'll know why men hit women.

As simple as ABC,

Nice write up. But just like the articles you cited, you've not found any one answer to DV. Why?
Because there is no one cause of DV.
I have always emphasised that, the first step in going into a relationship (for men) is, know yourself.
If as a man your know yourself, you understand your temperament, you understand how you see the world, women, family and children. You would from there, proceed to look for a woman that is compatible with you.
Sadly, too many men in this generation don't know themselves or they think they do, until they get married, and realise that they can't tolerate some things which they thought they could tolerate. Example, a wife having a career and working. If you go through social media you'd think men of this generation want their wives to work, but once the men are married, story changes.

TONYE001:
In the past few days, I have read a series of arguments on DV. Some quarters believe that the media is unnecessarily being too loud about violence against women and deliberately underreporting violence against men. Other people argue that women who are victims of DV must have brought it upon themselves. One writer on this forum wrote that "a man can never beat a good wife." In other words, this writer implied that all female victims of DV are bad (disrespectful, abusive, disloyal, wicked, etc). But are these claims true? The statistics above objectively prove that violence against women occurs at proportions far above violence against men worldwide. This does not deny that there are men that are victims of DV, but If we continue to separate DV along gender lines, we may never get to its roots. I wonder why DV is now discussed in two contexts: against women and men. Do we imply that the effects of domestic violence against men and women differ? Or does the law prescribe different punishments for men and women who kill their spouses?

Saying that only "bad wives" are victims of DV is shocking. We tend to sit in the comforts of our homes and assert skewed opinions that are nothing but baseless. Most of what we know is limited to what the media reports but we manage to alter the narratives of events in ways that suit our beliefs. For example, because some of us have concluded in our hearts that only "bad wives" are victims of domestic violence, whenever we come across stories of women that are physically assaulted by their husbands, we quickly assume that they must have done something terribly bad to warrant her husband's actions. We do not query the husband, and we are hardly bothered that the man may have infringed on the rights of the woman. We do not bother that this may have been a case of attempted murder, and if nothing is done, the husband may eventually kill her, or another victim. Our entire focus falls on the woman, and we begin to probe the "evil" she must have committed. I ask, aside from a direct and immediate threat to life where alternative actions are impossible, is there any other acceptable reason to assault a human or to commit murder? Assuming a wife abuses her husband, does this qualify as a reason to physically attack her and inflict varying degrees of life-threatening injuries on her? If this were so, would the wife be also permitted to assault and kill her husband if he abuses or disrespects her? If we continue like this, our society would become a replica of the animal kingdom where actions are directed by primitive instincts rather than objective reasoning.

Why do spouses physically assault themselves? Why would a husband hit his wife? Why would a wife attack her husband? To get to the roots of domestic violence, we must trace the causes. Economic problems, husband's drug/alcohol abuse, husband's family interference, husband's suspicion, religious and cultural misunderstandings, husband's remarriage, and children from previous husband's or wife's marriages were some identified causes of DV (Rahnavardi et al., 2017). In a local study (Igbolekwu et al., 2021), 82.3% of respondents believe that the major cause of DV against women is the economic dependence of women (or wives) on men (or their husbands), 52.3% agree that communities tolerate and encourage some abusive behaviours, and as much as 61.5% of the respondents think that some religious and traditional beliefs support DV.

A BBC report (Obidiebube, 2018) made a shocking revelation: Section 55 of the Penal Code (applicable in Northern Nigeria) allows a husband to physically assault his wife as far as it does not cause serious bodily harm. What is more shocking is the Law's definition of bodily harm. The Law defined bodily harm as harm severe enough to warrant hospital admission for a minimum of 21 days! Ironically, we also have a Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act for 2015 that stands against different kinds of violence. This disparity in the law further makes it difficult to secure justice for victims of DV.

Some of our cultural practices support DV. Historically, in the Igbo culture, for instance, the dominant role of women "is to make pure wives for their honourable husbands. In marriage, they are expected to be submissive to their husbands, do housework and domestic chores, farming, and bear children" (Egbo, 2021). But are these roles still exclusively for women today? [b]Times have changed and the economy has become complex. These days, to maintain a home, both husband and wife have to earn some money. If a husband and his wife leave for work at 8 am and return at 5 pm, would the husband be fair if he expects his exhausted wife to hurry to the kitchen and begin to pound akpu for dinner because it is exclusively her responsibility according to the African tradition? In some instances, if the wife fails to do this, she is considered disrespectful and not submissive and she may be beaten. Some of us are hypocritical without knowing it. Civilization and technology have happened to the original African tradition but instead of accepting and living with all the good changes that come with these, we tend to be selective. We accept changes that suit our purpose and favour us and deny changes that may favour others. For example, we accepted Western education because it promises to improve our lives. We accepted computers and other technological devices because they ease our lives. But some of us refuse to accept that role of the African woman in our society has greatly changed. With the advancement of knowledge, we now know that men and women are both humans and no one is above the other. They both have equal rights and equal responsibilities. Cooking, washing dishes, bathing children, and sweeping are not exclusive roles of women just like going out to look for money is not an exclusive role of a man. [/b]

I believe the first step to stopping domestic violence is redefining marriage. Some of us have lines in our heads separating the responsibilities of a husband and a wife. In real sense, such distinct lines do not exist. Couples ideally should live in a fluid environment where things flow naturally. The idea of marriage is to have two people come together, support each other, and improve their lives while mutually enjoying their days. Marriage is a way of life and not an obligation where responsibilities are shared and delegated. In marriage, any capable hand can meet any responsibility without waiting for anyone. A husband should be able to bathe his children, sweep the house, do the laundry, and cook breakfast whether or not his wife is at home. A wife should be able to do these things, and provide/contribute money for upkeep on impulse.

By God's design, true love should be the fuel that should power the home. This is lost when people marry for the wrong reasons. If pure, undiluted love is lacking in any home, domestic violence is likely. If you love your wife as you love yourself, you would never raise a finger to hit her, unless you can hit yourself. If you love your wife absolutely, you would not have unrealistic expectations of her. If you love your wife as you love yourself, forgiveness, moving on, and not archiving faults should be natural habits.

Dear Parents, it is high time we began to raise our children the right way. If we train them well and demonstrate good examples before them, they would not grow to become monsters to their spouses. Dear fathers, if you hit your wife in front of your children, expect the same from them when they grow. If you sit in the parlour, watching TV all day without helping your wife in the kitchen, expect your son to be a bad husband when he grows up.

The government has a lot of roles to play in combating domestic violence. Strong laws must be made and the government must have the willpower to enforce these laws.

As private citizens, we also have roles to play if we must kick out DV. The mind-your-business culture is not African. Here, we do not mind our businesses! If you suspect your neighbour is a victim of DV, act immediately and report to the authorities whether or not the neighbour confides in you.

Our religious leaders must modify their teachings and encourage their members to take decisive steps if being abused. Members should be encouraged to separate from their spouses and they should be supported. Our religious leaders must be willing to get the authorities involved if they suspect that their member(s) is/are victim(s) of DV.

As I conclude, I would like to leave this last note to victims of DV. Please, prioritize your life over anything. Your life is paramount. Separate yourself from your spouse now that you still can. Beyond this, you should also report him/her to the authorities and ensure he/she is prosecuted and put behind bars for a long time. If you take these actions, you would have successfully protected future victims of your spouse.

Tonye001.

Well said!

Tnks for being unbiased.

Talk is cheap, until you tackle the root cause then it is all for nothing. When we talk of domestic violence I hope you are not referring to the occassional fights between husband and wife? I hope you are not referring to cases where wife got mad or caught husband with another woman and landed him a slap or lock up his shirt and started shouting. Hope you are not talking of a case where man landed a slap after getting his shirt locked around his neck and woman shouting/ cursing? Most African marriages and some foreign marriages experience one or two of these things in some form or shape, man might be at the receiving end or woman. If the goal is to get the woman or man to walk out after any of these incidents then YOU'RE ON A LONG THING!

What we should be focusing on is the reason why many face domestic violence in the first place and why many continue to endure it? Why not leave? For many it is that their parents sold them and the shame of going back home is too high, for others they stay because of their kids and the fact that they also came from abusive homes. Then there are those who are so financially and physically dependent on their abusers that they would rather die than leave. These ones married because of the money, they married becuase of the status. Think of Fani Kayode, think of many men out there depending on their rich wives(princesses or political daughters), such men would take almost anything to keep their status. Such women would endure almost anything until their eyes clear.

My point remains, let's look at the root cause and offer credible solutions rather than focusing on the act itself. Talk is cheap but it won't stop a cow from eating grass.

Mindlog:
And you think we don't have such men in abundance?

You think we don't have men and women whose personality disorders thrive on inflicting either physical and emotional pain or both on others?

As you have said you have volunteered, working a NGO, do also make effort to volunteer in a psychiatric facility.

Ha ha ha ha ha

Sucker punch!!

Dude is just arguing blindly, of course he understands the point, he's just fated with the mindset of "Men are always right because they have a penis and women are always wrong because they're just inferior as society stated"

Someone like him can't face his fellow men if they speak to him anyhow. But will threaten thunder and lightning if it's a woman!

So men don't insult??

emmanuelbrown26:
I read everything, from d beginning till d end but u didn't ask questions why DV is so so rampant this generation?
U see, ever since daughters of eve open eyes, na so wahala cum enter for family.
Since daughters of eve wan their simps husband to be pampering them and simps husband no cum get strength to pamper, na so wahala enter.
Infact daughters of eve all deserves to be in their fathers houses

There has always been domestic violence since the beginning, social media just expose it more.

emmanuelbrown26:
At d bolded, when I was working their, I was at branch A before they transfered me to branch B, branch A had guys while branch B had girls.
Then, I used to relieve guys whenever there was an emergency for them to attend to, I was doing it bcs all d guys had one mind and one spirit.
When I came to branch B, I first told them to always respect themselves that I don't play. I started seen d signs in them before d issue of locking them inside came.
U can't just compare guys and girls,

Summary: Women are dumb right?

Sureplug123:
try comparing your tone with Tonye's tone, you both are on the same page but compare the tone, you'll know why men hit women.

Regardless, men do not have the right to hit women.

Did you read the guy's comments and saw how he disregards women? Did you go for him? But instead you came for me. Why?

emmanuelbrown26:
u ladies should start giving giivng girls orientation, u csnt be playing d victim card all d time.

You can also give your daughters of eve orientation, if you have them. Don't leave the training of girls to only women.

YourFavEvangeli:
Summary: Women are dumb right?

I didn't call them dumb but if u say so, no problem

@Tonye0001, I respect you.
My respect goes to you not actually because of your writeup but the way you have been answering questions and defending your writeup and as well respecting people's opinions without trying to make them adhere to yours.
@Emmanuelbrown26, you earned my respect too, though I don't completely assent to your points. But you stood your ground without using abusive words and dishing out valid notches.

With plenty of things I have read here asin, solid opinions of people, eradicating Domestic Violence in our society won't be achieved easily if the root of it is, not tackled or uprooted.

But I will still maintain what I have been telling people around me if the marriage or the relationship is not working out after you had put in your effort, kindly leave.
Biko disintegrates immediately!!

ImaIma1:
Regardless, men do not have the right to hit women.

Did you read the guy's comments and sa how he disregards women? Did you go for him? But instead you came for me. Why?

Some women deserves better beating

Daradared2:
9ce one op!

may God give us the wisdom to train our kids the way its should be. Our parents really failed us especially raising a male kids. Am talking from experience. The more we take that both gender has their roles to play, no one is superior than the other, the better for us.

I rest my case!

True!

But the broke red pillars won't agree!

They'll soon come here to call you names and opine that you're seeking female validation.

Domestic violence is rampant in Nigeria simply because judiciary has failed. If one or two people have been made actual scape goats, not necessarily when murder occurs, but being jailed for assault against the next gender be it male or female, no one would engage in such evil acts. But our courts are simply places where justice can be bought#

Judiciary has failed us!

iykejohnson:
@Tonye0001, I respect you.
My respect goes to you not actually because of your writeup but the way you have been answering questions and defending your writeup and as well respecting people's opinions without trying to make them adhere to yours.
@Emmanuelbrown26, you earned my respect too, though I don't completely assent to your points. But you stood your ground without using abusive words and dishing out valid notches.

With plenty of things I have read here asin, solid opinions of people, eradicating Domestic Violence in our society won't be achieved easily if the root of it is, not tackled or uprooted.

But I will still maintain what I have been telling people around me if the marriage or the relationship is not working out after you had put in your effort, kindly leave.
Biko disintegrates immediately!!

As simple as that, if d institution is not working, let d woman go back to her father's house, if she is d owner of d house, let her send d man away.

Domestic/emotional violence not only affects women but men as well please men speak up o i can imagine the kind of domestic violence Churchill suffered with tonto lol

apatheticme:
True!

But the broke red pillars won't agree!

They'll soon come here to call you names and opine that you're seeking female validation.

Domestic violence is rampant in Nigeria simply because judiciary has failed. If one or two people have been made actual scape goats, not necessarily when murder occurs, but being jailed for assault against the next gender be it male or female, no one would engage in such evil acts. But our courts are simply places where justice can be bought#

Judiciary has failed us!

D judiciary itself knows that naija women are very manipulative and trickish in nature that's why d system is like that.
I spent some time in Ghana, their system made it in a way that if u violet a woman, u are in for it.
Something happened btw a Ghana police officer and his woman friend in d compound we rented.
D woman friend came and started a fight with d officer, she did all she could do in other to use it nail d officer but d officer did not yield to her tricks, at a time we got pissed off but d officer signaled us not to act.
It was after d whole drama and we were able to bring d situation under control and d woman left bcs of us.
The officer started telling us the rules in Ghana against violenting women. U see, u such situation, if it had happened here in naija, believe me d woman for collect better slap to reset her brain.
What I'm trying to say is that d men in charge of d judiciary knows that if they should implement it here, problem go dey bcs our ladies never mature for such law to take its place here rather we should be talking about orientation and awareness against domestic violence but I'm sorry to say that it won't still go far.

emmanuelbrown26:
D earlier women start telling themselves d truth d easier to eradicate DV but species of women we hv this days are not ready to hear d truth.
A man can not just wake up and lay his hands on a woman without d woman pushing d man to d wall, mind u not all men can be allowed to be pushed to d wall before fighting back. If a woman want peace she should bring d peace

And they are telling you that this particular mindset is wrong! There are easygoing virtuous woman that get constantly battered just because they entered into wrong marriages (probably the husband hid his character well or the women were just too naive to see the signs before entering into marriages with their Mr rights who later turned out to be beasts in human form) and any summoning of courage to protest this evil can land them in hospitals or even in their grave.