Hello nairalanders, I'm an old user of this forum just wanna remain anonymous. Please my career is not making me be in a relationship with any lady, all the Ladies I've dated in the past all complain of one thing which is time.

I'm a second year neurosurgical resident here in new Jersey prior to my residency in this program, I was a medical officer whose job Is not more demanding , I had a girlfriend who's always complaining of me not being there for her tho I give her money and always visiting her if I'm on shift even though I got limited time to prepare for a medical board exam to get into residency (USMLE) those know about the exam knows how crazy it was, a three steps examination.

She broke up with me for a guy she always call her friend..the heart break almost cost me my step 2 CK, life goes on. Here am I in neurosurgery, my first day was like hell imagine being in the O.R for 16 hrs straight without seeing the sun because they brought multiple patients who sustained brain injury during a road accident, I nearly cried, to my chief of surgery ..An attending surgeon it's like nothing I almost regretted being there and not going to family medicine or internal medicine.

This has made me so awful that if see me you'll think I'm a mad man...is either I'm in the O.R or I'm sleeping no time for family, Cinema, vacation, the girl Ioved has left me all because of time. I make money i don't have time to spend, money is now useless to me because there is no time to look after myself ..in the next 1hr I'll be in the middle of a surgery. It's just crazy, is this how I'll spend the rest of my life? No woman? It's frustrating .

Last week i collapsed in the middle of a surgery because we just finished removing a tumor In the right part of the brain barely two hours, I was sleeping when I got an urgent call to report to the O.R ... I'm now regretting choosing this program. Can a lady love a guy whose everyday life is like this? I think not.

What do you think I can do please mature minds. I'll be 29 by June.

Calm down Oga. If you are broke, the same 'ladies' will abandon you. Get busy with your job for now. You mustn't be in a relationship since you no get the time...cheers.

Scapula112:
Hello nairalanders, I'm an old user of this forum just wanna remain anonymous. Pls my career is not making me be in a relationship with any lady, all the Ladies I've dated in the past all complain of one thing which is time. I'm a second year neurosurgical resident here in new Jersey prior to my residency in this program, I was a medical officer whose job Is not more demanding , I had a girlfriend who's always complaining of me not being there for her tho I give her money and always visiting her if I'm on shift even though I got limited time to prepare for a medical board exam to get into residency (USMLE) those know about the exam knows how crazy it was, a three steps examination.
She broke up with me for a guy she always call her friend..the heart break almost cost me my step 2 CK, life goes on. Here am I in neurosurgery, my first day was like hell imagine being in the O.R for 16 hrs straight without seeing the sun because they brought multiple patients who sustained brain injury during a road accident, I nearly cried, to my chief of surgery ..An attending surgeon it's like nothing I almost regretted being there and not going to family medicine or internal medicine.
This has made me so awful that if see me you'll think I'm a mad man...is either I'm in the O.R or I'm sleeping no time for family, Cinema, vacation, the girl Ioved has left me all because of time. I make money i don't have time to spend, money is now useless to me because there is no time to look after myself ..in the next 1hr I'll be in the middle of a surgery. It's just crazy, is this how I'll spend the rest of my life? No woman? It's frustrating .
Last week i collapsed in the middle of a surgery because we just finished removing a tumor In the right part of the brain barely two hours, I was sleeping when I got an urgent call to report to the O.R ... I'm now regretting choosing this program. Can a lady love a guy whose everyday life is like this? I think not.
What do you think I can do please mature minds. I'll be 29 by June.

Mr Man, calm down, take a break and rest properly. Yup, it may not be easy but find a way to get some few hours.



As for relationships, see, you're not missing anything, take your time and you'll find someone who will understand you. Don't rush okay?


All the best.

D sacrifices people do for humanity
Plan, plan, plan. Just have a target of when you want things concerning ur life to b settled and U've no problem at all

The irony of life is what you're experiencing. You should look for a like minded woman. You're attraction should include someone who is busy making a life for themselves such as students or busy professionals.

Stop chasing bored slay Queens who'll expect you to entertain them and then dump you when the money runs out. I'm busy can you handle this should be part of your chat up line. Don't sacrifice your dreams and success for a relationship before you kill somebody's daughter because she left you after your sacrificing.

I don't think it's your job. It's just the way you plan your time.

Leave your job.. Chase after women okay.. Woman are everything..

Leave your job,let's see if women can feed you.you think even the women is your time they need ? Go and check history how many of those successful scientists were able to maintain a romantic relationship. Women are distraction or your career is important to you. You should even be happy that you're in a position to save life like soldier fighting in the field.if you want time you can go into business i bet you even that you will have to sacrifice alot of time at a certain stage.

You already identified the problem yourself. Now, fix it !

Scapula112:
Hello nairalanders, I'm an old user of this forum just wanna remain anonymous. Pls my career is not making me be in a relationship with any lady, all the Ladies I've dated in the past all complain of one thing which is time. I'm a second year neurosurgical resident here in new Jersey prior to my residency in this program, I was a medical officer whose job Is not more demanding , I had a girlfriend who's always complaining of me not being there for her tho I give her money and always visiting her if I'm on shift even though I got limited time to prepare for a medical board exam to get into residency (USMLE) those know about the exam knows how crazy it was, a three steps examination.
She broke up with me for a guy she always call her friend..the heart break almost cost me my step 2 CK, life goes on. Here am I in neurosurgery, my first day was like hell imagine being in the O.R for 16 hrs straight without seeing the sun because they brought multiple patients who sustained brain injury during a road accident, I nearly cried, to my chief of surgery ..An attending surgeon it's like nothing I almost regretted being there and not going to family medicine or internal medicine.
This has made me so awful that if see me you'll think I'm a mad man...is either I'm in the O.R or I'm sleeping no time for family, Cinema, vacation, the girl Ioved has left me all because of time. I make money i don't have time to spend, money is now useless to me because there is no time to look after myself ..in the next 1hr I'll be in the middle of a surgery. It's just crazy, is this how I'll spend the rest of my life? No woman? It's frustrating .
Last week i collapsed in the middle of a surgery because we just finished removing a tumor In the right part of the brain barely two hours, I was sleeping when I got an urgent call to report to the O.R ... I'm now regretting choosing this program. Can a lady love a guy whose everyday life is like this? I think not.
What do you think I can do please mature minds. I'll be 29 by June.

Don't listen to anyone asking you to sin against GOD.

Go on a dating website and find a lady to spend time with when you’re not working. Some ladies are looking for people like you. If military men and women find spouses, then doctors also find spouses, it may not just happen the traditional way.

Take your time before you commit to any relationship, just focus on dating for now, and be open about nationality and race if you don’t want to limit your options. Experiment, live your life and have fun, when it’s time to settle down you’ll know

Also, talk to a counselor/therapist about your mental health. What you’re experiencing looks similar to what I’ve seen on shows like Grey’s Anatomy, so take time off when you experience burn out, and talk to a professional occasionally

At this point in your life, you don't have the time or energy to be someone's partner. It's not fair to them or yourself.

Rest Oga you no even get problem

You're making a mountain out of a mole, what will you now say about soldiers who go for months or even years without having a single time for family or relationship. Find a babe that also has a similar busy schedule and see how you both can blend up

Look for someone in ur line of profession

It's simple

Scapula112:
Hello nairalanders, I'm an old user of this forum just wanna remain anonymous. Pls my career is not making me be in a relationship with any lady, all the Ladies I've dated in the past all complain of one thing which is time. I'm a second year neurosurgical resident here in new Jersey prior to my residency in this program, I was a medical officer whose job Is not more demanding , I had a girlfriend who's always complaining of me not being there for her tho I give her money and always visiting her if I'm on shift even though I got limited time to prepare for a medical board exam to get into residency (USMLE) those know about the exam knows how crazy it was, a three steps examination.
She broke up with me for a guy she always call her friend..the heart break almost cost me my step 2 CK, life goes on. Here am I in neurosurgery, my first day was like hell imagine being in the O.R for 16 hrs straight without seeing the sun because they brought multiple patients who sustained brain injury during a road accident, I nearly cried, to my chief of surgery ..An attending surgeon it's like nothing I almost regretted being there and not going to family medicine or internal medicine.
This has made me so awful that if see me you'll think I'm a mad man...is either I'm in the O.R or I'm sleeping no time for family, Cinema, vacation, the girl Ioved has left me all because of time. I make money i don't have time to spend, money is now useless to me because there is no time to look after myself ..in the next 1hr I'll be in the middle of a surgery. It's just crazy, is this how I'll spend the rest of my life? No woman? It's frustrating .
Last week i collapsed in the middle of a surgery because we just finished removing a tumor In the right part of the brain barely two hours, I was sleeping when I got an urgent call to report to the O.R ... I'm now regretting choosing this program. Can a lady love a guy whose everyday life is like this? I think not.
What do you think I can do please mature minds. I'll be 29 by June.

Relationship aside, you can't keep living like this, you will burn out fast and the cost of a mistake on the job is a human life.

@Relationship: You need to identify the kind of person you are. Some people like one solid relationship/marriage so they can focus on building a life with their partners. Some others like a full life where they have their hands into many things; work, family, religion, social activities, personal growth etc. Some do not mind laser focus on work/building a career or any other venture.

If you like your hands full, then you need to re-work your time and/or get another job/arrangement that lets you live a full life.

Like you have realized, money is not everything and what is the essence of money you can't spend or enjoy as you deem fit?

HarunaWest:
Calm down Oga. If you are broke, the same ladies will abandon you. Get busy with your job for now and get a reliable friend with benefit. You mustn't be in a relationship since you no get the time...cheers.

Don't mind d doctor, doctor think say woman send am. Doctor mak u go broke small and see d ugly side of daughters of eve. After choose u this woman or your career?
After all, u are still a young guy na, why d rush? Abi your parents dey pressurise u ni? Abeg concentrate on your job for now then save as much as possible and pls be careful wit your patients bcs any mistake from your side in d name of thinking about daughter of eve, na only u go bear d consequences.

Double0h7:
The irony of life is what you're experiencing. You should look for a like minded woman. You're attraction should include someone who is busy making a life for themselves such as students or busy professionals.

Stop chasing bored slay Queens who'll expect you to entertain them and then dump you when the money runs out. I'm busy can you handle this should be part of your chat up line. Don't sacrifice your dreams and success for a relationship before you kill somebody's daughter because she left you after your sacrificing.

Thanks sir, I can't leave my career for a woman. Only a fool will do such especially a rewarding and a demanding career like neurosurgery or other surgical specialty, my specialty is the hardest to get into any where in the world, my hospital accept two neurosurgical residents each year to know how hard it is, what I just need is companionship and I'll do as you say. Thanks sir

bukatyne:


Relationship aside, you can't keep living like this, you will burn out fast and the cost of a mistake on the job is a human life.

@Relationship: You need to identify the kind of person you are. Some people like one solid relationship/marriage so they can focus on building a life with their partners. Some others like a full life where they have their hands into many things; work, family, religion, social activities, personal growth etc. Some do not mind laser focus on work/building a career or any other venture.

If you like your hands full, then you need to re-work your time and/or get another job/arrangement that lets you live a full life.

Like you have realized, money is not everything and what is the essence of money you can't spend or enjoy as you deem fit?

It's not even about money, the guy my ex left me for is someone I can put on my pay roll every month and won't still feel anything. Thanks for your input ma'am.

Cousin9999:
At this point in your life, you don't have the time or energy to be someone's partner. It's not fair to them or yourself.

Passion for life made me a surgeon, it's just crazy it will be at the expenses of my personal life.

Scapula112:

Passion for life made me a surgeon, it's just crazy it will be at the expenses of my personal life.

People consider a lot of things before deciding on a specialty. Perhaps you didn't make enough research and didn't consider your personality before going into neurosurgery. Most people in Neurosurgery don't even care about all these things you are complaining about. There are other aspects of surgery that are equally tasking but less demanding than Neuro, like cardiothoracic surgery.
Just adapt/adjust and date someone who understands what you do, preferably an equally busy person.

HarunaWest:
Calm down Oga. If you are broke, the same ladies will abandon you. Get busy with your job for now and get a reliable friend with benefit. You mustn't be in a relationship since you no get the time...cheers.

abi ooo… if he is not able to provide, she would complain, don’t see your job as a way of making money, you are saving lives, stick with your job, request for leave if you can, don’t lose your job cause of a relationship, it’s not worth it… you can also look for a busy woman too….

Scapula112:

Thanks sir, I can't leave my career for a woman. Only a fool will do such especially a rewarding and a demanding career like neurosurgery or other surgical specialty, my specialty is the hardest to get into any where in the world, my hospital accept two neurosurgical residents each year to know how hard it is, what I just need is companionship and I'll do as you say. Thanks sir

omooor you’re blessed ooo

see your job as your entertainment and you will be fine, I know that they will be leave/pass, or off use this to find a girl that understand you and your job they is nothing like being employed of having a job/business this same girl will back off when things are not going smoothly. You are yet to meet a reasonable partner not your fault, let them go their loss.

You'll be fine, trust me. In a few years to come, you'll have cause to smile/laugh, just going over this thread. To your first question, nope, you just haven't found someone who aligns with you. I understand that you tried to cover up for lost times in your last relationship and you feel like you failed at it cos she eventually left you for another. Glad you were able to round up your exam and also get in for residency. I know it's not easy coupled with the fact that you're trying to get over the breakup. It may take awhile cos you put all your heart in it, give it some time, just breathe and you'll be out of this phase in no time.

Focus on your residency program. It is quite draining but then try to figure your way around it somehow. Sit down, copy out your work schedule and see if you can squeeze out some "you-time" orrr incorporate one or two things that will help you function better, first as a human being and then as a medical professional, primarily to blow off some steam so you don't get worked up with all that pressure you have to constantly deal with. Time management is very key. Sleep is essential as well, don't put any social activity over it, e get why. Take care of yourself, don't be looking like a madman. You have many more years ahead of you, still a very promising young man. A little balance here and there, you'll do just fine. Cheers!

Scapula112:
Hello nairalanders, I'm an old user of this forum just wanna remain anonymous. Pls my career is not making me be in a relationship with any lady, all the Ladies I've dated in the past all complain of one thing which is time. I'm a second year neurosurgical resident here in new Jersey prior to my residency in this program, I was a medical officer whose job Is not more demanding , I had a girlfriend who's always complaining of me not being there for her tho I give her money and always visiting her if I'm on shift even though I got limited time to prepare for a medical board exam to get into residency (USMLE) those know about the exam knows how crazy it was, a three steps examination.
She broke up with me for a guy she always call her friend..the heart break almost cost me my step 2 CK, life goes on. Here am I in neurosurgery, my first day was like hell imagine being in the O.R for 16 hrs straight without seeing the sun because they brought multiple patients who sustained brain injury during a road accident, I nearly cried, to my chief of surgery ..An attending surgeon it's like nothing I almost regretted being there and not going to family medicine or internal medicine.
This has made me so awful that if see me you'll think I'm a mad man...is either I'm in the O.R or I'm sleeping no time for family, Cinema, vacation, the girl Ioved has left me all because of time. I make money i don't have time to spend, money is now useless to me because there is no time to look after myself ..in the next 1hr I'll be in the middle of a surgery. It's just crazy, is this how I'll spend the rest of my life? No woman? It's frustrating .
Last week i collapsed in the middle of a surgery because we just finished removing a tumor In the right part of the brain barely two hours, I was sleeping when I got an urgent call to report to the O.R ... I'm now regretting choosing this program. Can a lady love a guy whose everyday life is like this? I think not.
What do you think I can do please mature minds. I'll be 29 by June.

I think you need someone that would understand you and the type of work you do. Someone in the same field perhaps?

Scapula112:

Passion for life made me a surgeon, it's just crazy it will be at the expenses of my personal life.

It's temporary. When things calm down, you can date again.

Why don't you speak with a senior colleague to know how they handle the demanding job and personal affairs, because you are in for a long haul and your state of mind needs to be in a good place with this kind of profession . I wish you all the best !

Scapula112:
Hello nairalanders, I'm an old user of this forum just wanna remain anonymous. Pls my career is not making me be in a relationship with any lady, all the Ladies I've dated in the past all complain of one thing which is time. I'm a second year neurosurgical resident here in new Jersey prior to my residency in this program, I was a medical officer whose job Is not more demanding , I had a girlfriend who's always complaining of me not being there for her tho I give her money and always visiting her if I'm on shift even though I got limited time to prepare for a medical board exam to get into residency (USMLE) those know about the exam knows how crazy it was, a three steps examination.
She broke up with me for a guy she always call her friend..the heart break almost cost me my step 2 CK, life goes on. Here am I in neurosurgery, my first day was like hell imagine being in the O.R for 16 hrs straight without seeing the sun because they brought multiple patients who sustained brain injury during a road accident, I nearly cried, to my chief of surgery ..An attending surgeon it's like nothing I almost regretted being there and not going to family medicine or internal medicine.
This has made me so awful that if see me you'll think I'm a mad man...is either I'm in the O.R or I'm sleeping no time for family, Cinema, vacation, the girl Ioved has left me all because of time. I make money i don't have time to spend, money is now useless to me because there is no time to look after myself ..in the next 1hr I'll be in the middle of a surgery. It's just crazy, is this how I'll spend the rest of my life? No woman? It's frustrating .
Last week i collapsed in the middle of a surgery because we just finished removing a tumor In the right part of the brain barely two hours, I was sleeping when I got an urgent call to report to the O.R ... I'm now regretting choosing this program. Can a lady love a guy whose everyday life is like this? I think not.
What do you think I can do please mature minds. I'll be 29 by June.

a lady like me can love, communication matters to me and the fact that we can hang around once in a while . dont give up, you gonna meet the love of your life soon.

Forget relationship - once you believe you have made enough money you’ll make the relationship work. Or you’ll find someone who understands.
Take Tom Brady for sure - The dude works from May through to February every year so 8 months out of the year. He’s unavailable to take his kids to school , be a parent, attend bday parties , vacations etc because he is working. The goal is to find that compatible girl who’s job will fit like a glove . For now just focus at the task at hand or use these dating apps to find a lady who can keep herself busy while you work.

1F30M4:
You'll be fine, trust me. In a few years to come, you'll have cause to smile/laugh, just going over this thread. To your first question, nope, you just haven't found someone who aligns with you. I understand that you tried to cover up for lost times in your last relationship and you feel like you failed at it cos she eventually left you for another. Glad you were able to round up your exam and also get in for residency. I know it's not easy coupled with the fact that you're trying to get over the breakup. It may take awhile cos you put all your heart in it, give it some time, just breathe and you'll be out of this phase in no time.

Focus on your residency program. It is quite draining but then try to figure your way around it somehow. Sit down, copy out your work schedule and see if you can squeeze out some "you-time" orrr incorporate one or two things that will help you function better, first as a human being and then as a medical professional, primarily to blow off some steam so you don't get worked up with all that pressure you have to constantly deal with. Time management is very key. Sleep is essential as well, don't put any social activity over it, e get why. Take care of yourself, don't be looking like a madman. You have many more years ahead of you, still a very promising young man. A little balance here and there, you'll do just fine. Cheers!

Thanks for this piece ma'am.