₦airaland Forum

JovialJune:
Mrcork, I didn't know it is you, if not I wouldn't have quoted you in the first place

Pls don't quote me again, abeg.

Kobojunkie:
It is not a norm out here in the west where I live. That it is talked about on TV doesn't mean it is a norm.

Sharing bills does not have to be a norm in Nigeria for you to know that when thinking of dating or marriage, you ought to find for yourself partners who agree with you as far as those values - including sharing of bills - which you hold to.

advanceDNA:
1. ..husbands and wives are supposed to be a team....sharing the responsibility of a home should be natural especially when one person cant do it alone...

2. I only mentioned you becos u kept sayimg there was not enough info to judge the issue ....there is enough info....the woman was clear....she wanted her man to do it all... whether they discussed it or not...its the most insensitive thing a person can do to the person they are married to...

Kobojunkie:
1. A team can only be formed when those in it are in agreement. You cannot have a bill-sharing team/marriage when one partner doesn't agree with sharing bills while the other demands it. That is why it is necessary to vet team members to ensure you share the same values and goals in the first place.

Marriage is a contract agreement so the only thing natural about it is the sharing of bodies, everything else comes as agreed upon.

2. And I repeat, there isn't enough information provided us here to judge or sufficiently advice the OP'S uncle.

ReneJay:
Good day nairalanders. I want to seek your advice on behalf of my uncle.

Pardon me for any typographical errors. My uncle has been married to this lady for almost 16 years. They have two kids. According to his narration, the first five years of marriage was wonderful.

But things took a sudden twist later on. The wife has changed in both attitude and manners. The man is a civil servant and earns 70k monthly and his wife is a teacher. She earns 35k monthly.

The twist is, the wife has stopped supporting the man financially. In fact, anything she buys for the family or for the children, she asks for the money, even as little as spice cubes. My uncle had to report the matter to my father, his brother, after several years of enduring her strange attitude. My father called her to table the matter. She admitted the accusations. In her defence, she said it is the responsibility of the man (husband) to provide for the family. what broke my uncle's heart was the day the rent of their house was due, he hadnt pieced together the rent and was going about to seek loans from friends and family. He asked her if she knew who to loan from and she said she didn't know who to loan from. To his dismay, he got wind from a friend that his wife was looking for a piece of land to buy with God knows how and where she got the money from. She even told him she doesn't have a dime to add to whatever he's able to raise. He does everything in the house from A to Z.

He needs advice on what to do. Should he file for divorce and hope things would get Rosy enough to start afresh with someone else? Or should he call for a meeting with her family and our family to try to mediate and make her see reasons why she should be supportive?

Matured advice please.

advanceDNA:
1. Do couples discuss if they will have sex too...or its wrong for the man or woman assume sex will happen since marriage is an agreement??
U are always tryimg to sound woke and emphatic...but sometimes you dont just make sense...

emmanuelbrown26:
Well u are right that it doesn't work for everybody but everybody has to cultivate it, that's just d fact. Let d man be d troublemaker in d family and d other way, that's d only way for him to hv peace. When dealing with naija women my brother, u need that iron hand

ReneJay:
Good day nairalanders. I want to seek your advice on behalf of my uncle.

Pardon me for any typographical errors. My uncle has been married to this lady for almost 16 years. They have two kids. According to his narration, the first five years of marriage was wonderful.

But things took a sudden twist later on. The wife has changed in both attitude and manners. The man is a civil servant and earns 70k monthly and his wife is a teacher. She earns 35k monthly.

The twist is, the wife has stopped supporting the man financially. In fact, anything she buys for the family or for the children, she asks for the money, even as little as spice cubes. My uncle had to report the matter to my father, his brother, after several years of enduring her strange attitude. My father called her to table the matter. She admitted the accusations. In her defence, she said it is the responsibility of the man (husband) to provide for the family. what broke my uncle's heart was the day the rent of their house was due, he hadnt pieced together the rent and was going about to seek loans from friends and family. He asked her if she knew who to loan from and she said she didn't know who to loan from. To his dismay, he got wind from a friend that his wife was looking for a piece of land to buy with God knows how and where she got the money from. She even told him she doesn't have a dime to add to whatever he's able to raise. He does everything in the house from A to Z.

He needs advice on what to do. Should he file for divorce and hope things would get Rosy enough to start afresh with someone else? Or should he call for a meeting with her family and our family to try to mediate and make her see reasons why she should be supportive?

Matured advice please.

ReneJay:
Good day nairalanders. I want to seek your advice on behalf of my uncle.

Pardon me for any typographical errors. My uncle has been married to this lady for almost 16 years. They have two kids. According to his narration, the first five years of marriage was wonderful.

But things took a sudden twist later on. The wife has changed in both attitude and manners. The man is a civil servant and earns 70k monthly and his wife is a teacher. She earns 35k monthly.

The twist is, the wife has stopped supporting the man financially. In fact, anything she buys for the family or for the children, she asks for the money, even as little as spice cubes. My uncle had to report the matter to my father, his brother, after several years of enduring her strange attitude. My father called her to table the matter. She admitted the accusations. In her defence, she said it is the responsibility of the man (husband) to provide for the family. what broke my uncle's heart was the day the rent of their house was due, he hadnt pieced together the rent and was going about to seek loans from friends and family. He asked her if she knew who to loan from and she said she didn't know who to loan from. To his dismay, he got wind from a friend that his wife was looking for a piece of land to buy with God knows how and where she got the money from. She even told him she doesn't have a dime to add to whatever he's able to raise. He does everything in the house from A to Z.

He needs advice on what to do. Should he file for divorce and hope things would get Rosy enough to start afresh with someone else? Or should he call for a meeting with her family and our family to try to mediate and make her see reasons why she should be supportive?

Matured advice please.

Favfables1:
My dear beloved OP....

I'm surprised that you're surprised at the behavior of your uncle's wife ... Honestly i'm shocked at your shock towards her behavior ....

Because as far as I can tell, this is the ideology that wayyyy over 99.9% of women have. You'll hear women saying "my money is my money and his money is also my money", so it's nothing new ...

If I were in your uncle's shoes, I would separate from her the moment she changed, I wouldn't even condone this rubbish for a second longer ....

I would totally neglect her and focus on my kids, and this would continue until she comes to her senses and realize that the burdens of the family is not meant to be shouldered by the man alone ....

Raalsalghul:
How many kids does your uncle have if I may ask?

secondwife:
Thanks dear, a very good response,the problem between husband and wife,it’s only God that can judge. I got married some years back,my husband didn’t tell me he was married with three children until later,we married traditionally,religiously and legally. He introduced my co-wife to me after I had a baby for him as a Muslim I accepted my faith because I had a child from my previous relationship. I was a working class woman with a good job when we met,he relocated from the North to West because of North problem and my friend help him to secured a job,his family were happy because he is staying very close to the village though we were in different cities that time. The first wife is in his village. I always tell him to be visiting his family all the time. All those times I was the one paying the house rent,paying school fees and buying foods stuff and footing many things in the house,he will come and drop a little or complained of lack of money. I didn’t complain because I was okay and believed him. His company had problems in paying salaries that year,I paid house rent in his village so that the landlord will not send the wife and children away from the house,he will collect money from me and send it to his family. I tried to make friend with the wife and children by buying things for them without his knowledge, buying clothes together,phone when she complained she didn’t have he later lost his job and move to where I am staying. I started taking responsibilities on his behalf for some months before he got another job,my neighbor advised us to buy land,I told him he said no problem,he didn’t drop any money to support me but people told to build, i taught he will drop money later because our names are on the receipt. Since he didn’t drop anything I was the one doing everything because my Imam told me that if A man refused to do his responsibilities God will raise the woman up.We move in to the house without completing it because of Landlord’s problem. I later completed the house up to 90% after some years. I later did the documents in my children’ s name with his support. I lost my job and this man showed me pepper,they started sending my children out of school,hunger,frustration and depression set in. I later learnt from a reliable source that my husband is building house in his village without my knowledge and he is leaving in my house that I built with my sweat. I asked him he denied, it was his family member that told me. anytime I travel to his village for occasions,his wife will be abusing me,calling my child from previous relationships a bastard though I always ignore her,his brothers and wife will be disrespecting me.Though others are good to me including his mum and dad. I have a good mind with them but they are paying me with evil. So now I asked for divorce from him but he refused,I told him to leave my house and moved to his wife and children ,the family said I want to remove him where he is working, rent a house for me like my co-wife is a big problem for him he told his wife that my house belongs to him. But I started shouting to his family and people around me ,they said I’m disgracing and victimizing him. I really thank my God for not letting me down and my family and friends. Though he is still with because he brought out the monster in me. I told him I will not pay school fees again. Thank God I got another work this year. Sorry for the long post and my grammar,I went to an evening school.

SugarGirl44:
[s]He has 7500 children.

Now what?

Mtcheeew, always rushing to comment afi bi afishe.[/s]

Donaluta:
Every fucking time .. Una dey find way to defend stupidity....

RightToReject:
The person behind that faithfull18 moniker is another small-minded element in this space; one, however, can only pity her because of the single-digit IQ she and her types possess, which makes it impossible for them to see beyond goo.

LadyRosa:
He should pray that God should touch his wife.He should make sure he fasts fervently and midnight prayers should be adopted till the wife changes.

ReneJay:
Good day nairalanders. I want to seek your advice on behalf of my uncle.

Pardon me for any typographical errors. My uncle has been married to this lady for almost 16 years. They have two kids. According to his narration, the first five years of marriage was wonderful.

But things took a sudden twist later on. The wife has changed in both attitude and manners. The man is a civil servant and earns 70k monthly and his wife is a teacher. She earns 35k monthly.

The twist is, the wife has stopped supporting the man financially. In fact, anything she buys for the family or for the children, she asks for the money, even as little as spice cubes. My uncle had to report the matter to my father, his brother, after several years of enduring her strange attitude. My father called her to table the matter. She admitted the accusations. In her defence, she said it is the responsibility of the man (husband) to provide for the family. what broke my uncle's heart was the day the rent of their house was due, he hadnt pieced together the rent and was going about to seek loans from friends and family. He asked her if she knew who to loan from and she said she didn't know who to loan from. To his dismay, he got wind from a friend that his wife was looking for a piece of land to buy with God knows how and where she got the money from. She even told him she doesn't have a dime to add to whatever he's able to raise. He does everything in the house from A to Z.

He needs advice on what to do. Should he file for divorce and hope things would get Rosy enough to start afresh with someone else? Or should he call for a meeting with her family and our family to try to mediate and make her see reasons why she should be supportive?

Matured advice please.

faithfull18:
If she changed five years into the marriage, then you should find out why. An action from your uncle could have triggered the reaction.

odaniel1:
She will eventually bring her smaller bf to screw in the house whilst a SIMP of a hubby like u sleeps in the trenches. It is people like you that support the vile nature of these women of nowadays. Buying that property in that situation is high grade stupidity. If the source of income is pure and untainted, what stops her from contributing at least 'part' of the amount for rent (after all, she must be able to afford 50% with the cash-at-hand in her possession.)
So, you feel she will put you back in that house after building or continue listening to the vile woes of feminism to abandon her so-called 'lazy' husband for a better one. Mk evrybdy jus getat abeg!

ReneJay:
Good day nairalanders. I want to seek your advice on behalf of my uncle.

Pardon me for any typographical errors. My uncle has been married to this lady for almost 16 years. They have two kids. According to his narration, the first five years of marriage was wonderful.

But things took a sudden twist later on. The wife has changed in both attitude and manners. The man is a civil servant and earns 70k monthly and his wife is a teacher. She earns 35k monthly.

The twist is, the wife has stopped supporting the man financially. In fact, anything she buys for the family or for the children, she asks for the money, even as little as spice cubes. My uncle had to report the matter to my father, his brother, after several years of enduring her strange attitude. My father called her to table the matter. She admitted the accusations. In her defence, she said it is the responsibility of the man (husband) to provide for the family. what broke my uncle's heart was the day the rent of their house was due, he hadnt pieced together the rent and was going about to seek loans from friends and family. He asked her if she knew who to loan from and she said she didn't know who to loan from. To his dismay, he got wind from a friend that his wife was looking for a piece of land to buy with God knows how and where she got the money from. She even told him she doesn't have a dime to add to whatever he's able to raise. He does everything in the house from A to Z.

He needs advice on what to do. Should he file for divorce and hope things would get Rosy enough to start afresh with someone else? Or should he call for a meeting with her family and our family to try to mediate and make her see reasons why she should be supportive?

Matured advice please.

ReneJay:
I would totally neglect her and focus on my kids, and this would continue until she comes to her senses and realize that the burdens of the family is not meant to be shouldered by the man alone ....
Thank you