₦airaland Forum

space9880:
don’t go back bro the earlier you leave the better. Man eye don see many things wey e no won talk

I feel you boss

space9880:
my ex was like yours too, I was in a toxic relationship for 2yrs but finally got out.

Cheers to the good life bruv
E no easy at all

Winter03:
What she went through is sad. Imagine if you grew up knowing your father never wanted you but a girl child. And he beat you a lot for that. It's abuse. And yes, her father is a monster.

She needs to move on and heal. But you should be sensitive enough to understand her. She's still hurt. You beat her for that and you're no better than her father.

But it's a good thing you left. She would find someone better who would help her let go of the past and live.

In this life, To grow as a human you should learn not to tie your emotions around another human. Like whosoever controls your emotions, controls you!

No matter what happens, it is her responsibility to fix the pieces of her life and move on(heal). No one else would do that for her

After all her dad has live his own life, she too should live hers to the fullest

Orgasmgiver123:
Not cheating doesn’t make a woman loyal, a woman who raises her hands against a man is as bad as a cheating woman.
If i tell you the amount of time I spend online reading about how to help her and the amount of people I’ve asked how to change her, you won’t believe.
For me, love is not a do or die affair.
She’ll calm down one day, maybe when she hits her late 20s.

Her dad broke her and her ex broke her even more.
Relationships are meant to be enjoyed not endured, i endured for 2 years. No more....no more.

I’m not trying to say she’s all bad and no good oh, she does everything a normal woman should do but as soon as she sees something that concerns fathers or cheating boyfriends, her switch changes, and of course she passes the aggressive on me.
Brother man, if i start to talk watin my eyes done see, i no go fit talk am finish.

A lot of people suffer in silence but come out with a bright smile.
I was one of them.
No more..... no more

I was born and raised in Austin, Texas, USA.
Down there people have guns and horses.. and massive ranches with cows roaming.

I spent a weekend at a family friend's ranch and that Saturday was horse breaking day. They brought a team expert riders to break the wild horses in order to make them accept human authority.

One particular horse was so stubborn it was called Hellfire. I was given to understand that it was rare breed, a cross between an European war horse and an Arabian swift.
The result was this thing so huge, powerful and fast... but since it was wild, so dangerous.

You see, the process of breaking a horse entails others holding it and blinding it while an expert rider gets on and then they let go. The rider will try to force the horse to obey as it bucks like mad trying to get him off.
If the rider wins, the horse is broken and learns to accept a human rider from there on. It normally takes a short time.. minutes to an hour

Normal horses buck but Hellfire bucked and spinned. No one could stay on for more than a few seconds. If the rider falls off it attacked
Many got badly hurt trying to ride that horse and it go to a point that the owner wanted to shoot it.
One old cowboy opposed the owner to no end, saying the horse was an exceptional one that just needed the right master.

I understand the two of them eventually bet $13k on that horse which saw many expert riders try until one hardcase from New Mexico broke it.
That horse went on to win trophies in at least 2 horse races i knew and one high jump event.


[b] What I'm trying to say my bro is that girl is like a powerful horse that refuses to be tamed.
You are not the right rider.

When she meets the right rider and tries all this nonsense you are complaining about he will bring her to heel.

Many girls that ran rogue in their family have ended up with men that handle them well enough to change them... there is even an old British love story about the issue.. I have forgotten the name

On the other hand, many girls that have been the perfect daughters have gotten married and gone crazy.

That girl is not useless... just needs fixing and you clearly can't do that.

She needs a man she will fear and love
Someone who is bigger, older and firm.
He will be her boyfriend to be loved, her daddy to be obeyed, her friend to be with... FEAR AND LOVE... respect.. will run in her blood
Her type don't do well in relationships with men her age or size... which is what you are

Her problem big pass you.
You are not the solution... you can't tame her... move on.

Good morning. [/b]

I'm currently with one. Not in an official relationship, but we are in the pre-relationship stage. I already confirm she has Daddy issues.

- Her Dad gave birth to three of them, all ladies. He's a lawyer that doesn't behave like one. He subjects her to emotional stress to the extent of her shouting at him over the call severally while I am with her.

She's the first of three, so she believes she must protect her whole family from the man. Even his mom lost her job, and the man feeds the whole family except her now. Her pops no gree send her money because she refuses to come home and wait for nysc mobilisation.

Meanwhile, if she goes home, her business and all her other side hustle will be null, so the man leaves her to fend for herself because of that.

She's done with school (this year) while I'm still in my finals.

She has all the above trait except having sex to validate her desirability. She's a virgin and doesn't want it popped yet. We do every other form of romance except that.

She has never put me on a pedestal. Maybe cause I'm not her official father yet.

I'm a very ambitious person, and she's pretty ambitious too. I've given her time and attention, got stuffs for her, advised her when she's facing difficulty, and a lot more.

But someone she still asks about my hoes (she knows I have none), tells me men, her scum, posts about men being scum on her WhatsApp, switches moods effortlessly, is always stubborn and wants to argue even though she's wrong.

Once she starts arguing with me when I correct her, I Immediately stop without expressing my full though and let it slide.

This girl seem not to trust me no matter how I try.

She can be very, very manipulative to other men she has been with because I know her scope now.

She can be very stubborn too.

But beyond her flaws, she has her good side too.

She loves me but doesn't trust me(n)


I really like this girl, but I don't want to proceed into anything that will waste my time, and energy cos I'm still young, and I need my energy in other endeavours that'd prosper me.

What is your advice, brother?

BigCowH0rn:
I was born and raised in Austin, Texas, USA.
Down there people have guns and horses.. and massive ranches with cows roaming.

I spent a weekend at a family friend's ranch and that Saturday was horse breaking day. They brought a team expert riders to break the wild horses in order to make them accept human authority.

One particular horse was so stubborn it was called Hellfire. I was given to understand that it was rare breed, a cross between an European war horse and an Arabian swift.
The result was this thing so huge, powerful and fast... but since it was wild, so dangerous.

You see, the process of breaking a horse entails others holding it and blinding it while an expert rider gets on and then they let go. The rider will try to force the horse to obey as it bucks like mad trying to get him off.
If the rider wins, the horse is broken and learns to accept a human rider from there on. It normally takes a short time.. minutes to an hour

Normal horses buck but hellfire bucked and spinned. No one could stay on for more than a minute. If the rider falls off it attacked
Many got injured trying to ride that horse and it go to a point that the owner wanted to shoot it. One old cowboy opposed the owner to no end, saying that he horse was an exceptional one that just needed the right master.

I understand the two of them eventually bet $13k on that horse which saw many expert riders try until one hardcase from New Mexico broke it. The horse went on to win trophies in at least 2 horse races i knew and one high jump event.


What I'm trying to say my bro is that girl is like a powerful horse that refuses to be tamed.
You are not the right rider.

When she meets the right rider and tries all this nonsense you are complaining about he will bring her to heel.

Many girls that ran rogue in their family have ended up with men that handle them well enough to change them... there is even an old British love story about the issue.. I have forgotten the name

On the other hand, many girls that have been the perfect daughters have gotten married and gone crazy.

That girl is not useless... just needs fixing and you clearly can't do that.

Good morning.

If i stayed two years trying to change things and you say I’m not her rider, then I don’t want to be her rider.
Two years of unimaginable abuse is enough for me to call it quit.
I just pray she meets the right person before age fails her.

Winter03:
Daddy issues: an informal term used to refer to women whose dysfunctional relationships with their absent, emotionally unavailable or abusive fathers have affected their relationships with men.

Signs include:

1. They have anxious attachments: the fear of being abandoned.

2. The fear of being vulnerable: the natural instinct to protect themselves from being hurt as a result of having a neglectful father.

3. They have sex a lot to validate their desirability.

4. They have trust issues.

5. They pick unhealthy partners.

6. Have issues with boundaries: they may reveal too much about themselves on the first date. Or fall in love really quick and except partners to immediately commit.

7. They put their partners on a pedestal: kinda make them the father they never had.

8. They usually date older men.

These women (and even men) have an insatiable need to recieve love.

Mynd44

Seun

Lalasticlala

Dominique

OP, can these type of women make a good wife?

Orgasmgiver123:
If i stayed two years trying to change things and you say I’m not her rider, then I don’t want to be her rider.
Two years of unimaginable abuse is enough for me to call it quit.
I just pray she meets the right person before age fails her.

Simple!

After i finished my Uni studies overseas and moved to Lagos I stayed in a 3 bedroom apartment with a friend for a while
There was this 23 year old babe next door who fights everyone.. both in her family, the compound and beyond.
Her dad was the landlord... a very nice and gentle man of small statue but his wife was big and his daughter took after her... the girl was even bigger.

That girl was big boned, super curvy/sexy and a staggering six feet. She's the type the puts fear in men by her presence alone and she is so troublesome on top.. always ready to fight and shout.

The girl was a law onto her herself until i got into that compound.

At 6ft2 i was taller and muscular.. stronger than her and a clean 5 years older at the time. It had an effect on her. She was kinda more respectful.
We were friends for a while and i was almost ready to woo her.. ad then her true color came out

The first day i saw what she could do and handled her was the day she fought her mother in the open compound. Omo, I dragged this girl like a doll right into my apartment and clammed the door. She fought me of course but I overpowered and subdued her.

That girl tore my shirt to ribbons and scared my skin with her fingernails but i never beat her... just pinned her hands and body down till she was tired. Then i made sit and shut up while i did the yelling.

She stayed calmly in my apartment throughout that day.
Her father bought drinks for me and her mom replaced my shirt. Guess who treated my wounds? The girl.


From that day on anytime she lost it people will rush to call me. Once i got there and gave her my eyes she would calm down fast knowing i can handle her sh.it no matter the color.
I dated that girl for 2 years... her folks where actually begging me to marry her until she died in an accident.


Most stubborn and problematic girls do well with older and stronger men who can control them firmly.
Give them men of their age and it will just be one trouble after the other

This is what I'm saying.

Your ex was your mate. I knew this the moment i read where you said she held you by the neck.
It's a wrong match considering her flaws

You should move on permanently

Are you the thread police? No I won't get out. I will air my opinion respectfully whenever I feel like

TheManofTomorrow:
80% of those things hold good for 80% of ladies with abusive parents.

I've been with 2 so far, and I have friends that have been with others.

So if you think it's a lie, get out of the thread and create your own truth.

C'est Fini

Winter03:
Any experience?

Yes

Orgasmgiver123:
I didn’t beat her oh bros
Only weak men beat women

But it's okay when women beat men right?

We are the ones giving those girls liver.The know we are stronger than them yet, they find it easy to go physical with us.
If to say we are constantly resetting their brains whenever they try nonsense,they will respect us.

TheManofTomorrow:
I'm currently with one. Not in an official relationship, but we are in the pre-relationship stage. I already confirm she has Daddy issues.

- Her Dad gave birth to three of them, all ladies. He's a lawyer that doesn't behave like one. He subjects her to emotional stress to the extent of her shouting at him over the call severally while I am with her.

She's the first of three, so she believes she must protect her whole family from the man. Even his mom lost her job, and the man feeds the whole family except her now. Her pops no gree send her money because she refuses to come home and wait for nysc mobilisation.

Meanwhile, if she goes home, her business and all her other side hustle will be null, so the man leaves her to fend for herself because of that.

She's done with school (this year) while I'm still in my finals.

She has all the above trait except having sex to validate her desirability. She's a virgin and doesn't want it popped yet. We do every other form of romance except that.

She has never put me on a pedestal. Maybe cause I'm not her official father yet.

I'm a very ambitious person, and she's pretty ambitious too. I've given her time and attention, got stuffs for her, advised her when she's facing difficulty, and a lot more.

But someone she still asks about my hoes (she knows I have none), tells me men, her scum, posts about men being scum on her WhatsApp, switches moods effortlessly, is always stubborn and wants to argue even though she's wrong.

Once she starts arguing with me when I correct her, I Immediately stop without expressing my full though and let it slide.

This girl seem not to trust me no matter how I try.

She can be very, very manipulative to other men she has been with because I know her scope now.

She can be very stubborn too.

But beyond her flaws, she has her good side too.

She loves me but doesn't trust me(n)


I really like this girl, but I don't want to proceed into anything that will waste my time, and energy cos I'm still young, and I need my energy in other endeavours that'd prosper me.

What is your advice, brother?

give her some space.

one common issue with her kind is that they have so much pride. but will drop it for the person they feel is worth it.

if you are worth it, she will drop her pride and come for you

Orgasmgiver123:
If i stayed two years trying to change things and you say I’m not her rider, then I don’t want to be her rider.
Two years of unimaginable abuse is enough for me to call it quit.
I just pray she meets the right person before age fails her.

these guys won't understand.

only someone that has 1st hand experience will understand

Drella:
But it's okay when women beat men right?

We are the ones giving those girls liver.The know we are stronger than them yet, they find it easy to go physical with us.
If to say we are constantly resetting their brains whenever they try nonsense,they will respect us.

Women should avoid men like you.

Thonia69:
Women should avoid men like you.

Why do you say that?

I'm open to learning.

Drella:
Why do you say that?
I'm open to learning.

You can beat a woman?

Thonia69:
You can beat a woman?

If she slaps me, I won't walk away like a pussy.If I do,she will use belt to whip me next time.

anthonyuncle:
these guys won't understand.

only someone that has 1st hand experience will understand

Abi oh

Drella:
But it's okay when women beat men right?

We are the ones giving those girls liver.The know we are stronger than them yet, they find it easy to go physical with us.
If to say we are constantly resetting their brains whenever they try nonsense,they will respect us.

It is funny how the world favours them when it comes to things like this
I’ve never heard of anything like man beater before
But as soon as you lay your hand on a woman, the whole community will start shouting woman beater up and down

BigCowH0rn:
Simple!

After i finished my Uni studies overseas and moved to Lagos I stayed in a 3 bedroom apartment with a friend for a while
There was this 23 year old babe next door who fights everyone.. both in her family, the compound and beyond.
Her dad was the landlord... a very nice and gentle man of small statue but his wife was big and his daughter took after her... the girl was even bigger.

That girl was big boned, super curvy/sexy and a staggering six feet. She's the type the puts fear in men by her presence alone and she is so troublesome on top.. always ready to fight and shout.

The girl was a law onto her herself until i got into that compound.

At 6ft2 i was taller and muscular.. stronger than her and a clean 5 years older at the time. It had an effect on her. She was kinda more respectful.
We were friends for a while and i was almost ready to woo her.. ad then her true color came out

The first day i saw what she could do and handled her was the day she fought her mother in the open compound. Omo, I dragged this girl like a doll right into my apartment and clammed the door. She fought me of course but I overpowered and subdued her.

That girl tore my shirt to ribbons and scared my skin with her fingernails but i never beat her... just pinned her hands and body down till she was tired. Then i made sit and shut up while i did the yelling.

She stayed calmly in my apartment throughout that day.
Her father bought drinks for me and her mom replaced my shirt. Guess who treated my wounds? The girl.


From that day on anytime she lost it people will rush to call me. Once i got there and gave her my eyes she would calm down fast knowing i can handle her sh.it no matter the color.
I dated that girl for 2 years... her folks where actually begging me to marry her until she died in an accident.


Most stubborn and problematic girls do well with older and stronger men who can control them firmly.
Give them men of their age and it will just be one trouble after the other

This is what I'm saying.

Your ex was your mate. I knew this the moment i read where you said she held you by the neck.
It's a wrong match considering her flaws

You should move on permanently

Lol
Oga mi my ex is 3 years younger than me, she’s 5:8ft tall and chubby

Me on the other hand, i stand at 6:6ft tall, very muscular ( check dp for clarification )and i box.
I could easily pin her to the ground or knock her out with a single smack, but we were in love.
It was easy for you to pin that lady because you guys didn’t have anything going on between you, trust me if she is your girlfriend, you’ll develop weak bones when she starts nagging

I get all your points bruv
Thanks

Run from these types. If a girl doesn't respect or value her father SHE WILL NEVER VALUE OR RESPECT YOU as a man. Infact she would be a core misandrist.

Orgasmgiver123:
Lol
Oga mi my ex is 3 years younger than me, she’s 5:8ft tall and chubby

Me on the other hand, i stand at 6:6ft tall, very muscular ( check dp for clarification )and i box.
I could easily pin her to the ground or knock her out with a single smack, but we were in love.
It was easy for you to pin that lady because you guys didn’t have anything going on between you, trust me if she is your girlfriend, you’ll develop weak bones when she starts nagging

I get all your points bruv
Thanks

At the bolded, you have a point...

I know what's muscular ... and it is not hard to get.
Just a little free time 3 times a week and you hit the gym. I do that. But I don't box though. a little karate is all.

If your ex is 3 years younger then both of you are within the same age bracket.
That's not right for a girl with personality or Daddy issues

YOU SHOULD BE WAY OLDER for her to see you as another DADDY etc. Authority and respect comes with the territory. This is something you her mate won't have

Furthermore, never ever beat a woman. If you must spank her ass. Do it to piss her off not cause her tears or pain.
Stamp your authority but not with violence

I wish i know how to explain further.
You are ok since you've moved on

BigCowH0rn:
At the bolded, you have a point...

I know what's muscular ... and it is not hard to get.
Just a little free time 3 times a day and you hit the gym. I do that. But I don't box though. a little karate is all.

If your ex is 3 years younger then both of you are within the same age bracket.
That not right for a girl with personality or Daddy issues
YOU SHOULD BE WAY OLDER for her to see you as another DADDY etc. Authrity and respect comes with such territory. This is something you her mate won't have

Furthermore, never never beat a woman. If you must spank her ass. Do it to piss her off not cause her tears or pain.
Stamp your authority but not with violence

I wish i know how to explain further.
You are ok since you've moved on

I understand you bruv
Thanks for your time

Orgasmgiver123:
This your comment is the same reason why i kept on forgiving her whenever she misbehaves, i later realised she is broken beyond repair.
Some girls just choose to dwell in the past

My dad is a military man, he has never stayed full 3 months with us since we were born. Today duty tomorrow Liberia next tomorrow sudan and so on, but i can boldly say my sisters are not wayward at all.

My point
At times you just have to build yourself, your parents can’t give 100%.

And if you check most of the girls that keep on haven quarrels with their fathers, you’ll see that they are the problem not the father at all.

You have no idea what you're talking about ,
It's not about distance , if you're a rejected child , you face a lot of struggles that are not visible to others

I have two parents , I didn't get to see both of them growing up coz I was confined in a boarding school since primary 2 , I still have a better relationship with my dad but I was severely rejected by my mom and everything OP posted still applies to me , I used to think I was the problem until I realized she felt the same way I felt for her parents , she hated them coz she was mistreated but she was equally a beast to us , she didn't get healing and now I had to inherit that ,
I was abused verbally , physically , emotionally
She's my biggest motivation in life because in trying to prove her wrong I became her opposite but I've not been able to relax and enter my feminine side , I'm always protective , trying to do everything on my own , I also attach to other people's moms , I'm that friend you don't want to have because of comparism , it hurts alot because in reality I know I'll never be a part of that family , in fact it caused fight between me and my friend , I was always taking her mom's side

It's not a matter of dwelling on the past , it's the conditioning of your brain , you may not notice but most of our choices are made subconsciously , half the time we don't realize we're in a pattern , that's why kids from divorced homes are more likely to get divorced and kids from abusive relationships are more likely to be abusive or abuse tolerating adults

The most stubborn boy in my Sunday school class was an abused child of my neighbor , she had gotten pregnant twice without a husband and she treated them like shit and the girl is exposed , using adult language , the boy picks a fight with everything and everyone , he should be 6 or 7 , both of them are likely to grow up with internal issues

I'm educated and I do realize that somethings were not my fault , I am currently battling severe anxiety and depression , I have insomnia because I have bad dreams alot I sleep better with noise of people moving around during the day , sleeping at night is war , I finished my sleeping pills and my sleep cycle is messed up , I've had at least 3 panic attacks between February and now, it doesn't feel good , I also have random outbursts for the silliest reasons , you can ask my exes , only one person knew me and understood me , the others just felt like I was either childish or crazy

I'm attracted to fine older men , my last ex was 20 years older , the one before him was 16 years older, my friends were aware , they are used to me now that's why they feel comfortable talking about their men with me coz I'm not attracted to them and they're not attracted any of mine , they even use it to tease me

I haven't been able to fill that void in my heart , that's why I have a whole folder of baby videos on my system , coz I can't wait , neglectful children can either be the worst parents or the spoiling kind , I really love approval and appreciation , na my mumu button be that

If I wash and you're like "OMG thank you so much , you made my day " you just bought yourself a human washing machine , you just need to keep saying I made your day and how sweet I am and I won't stop trying to make your day , to the point of neglecting myself to please you
People pleaser I have had so many school daughters , not because I'm cool but because I don't know how to say no , just do like you want to die and jam me, I'd give my soul if you asked for it nicely
When I say no , I'm scared of them misinterpreting it , or losing their approval , who are they ? No one
I'm not sure wiping my memory would erase this habit , it's embedded
People with loving parents don't realize how lucky they are
My personal hygiene was a mess until like 2 years ago , I learned most of it from YouTube , I didn't know how to calculate my period , I had too many embarrassing moments that I can't count, I felt like an outcast , everybody talks about having certain talks with their mom that I've never had
I would've preferred to be an orphan or be aborted than to be born as an enemy

She told me she knew from the day I was born that I was her enemy and she wishes she could send me to the orphanage but she's sure no one would want me , she also told me I tried to kill her in the labour room , I had badluck since I was in the womb and I look like a human but I'm an animal , her favorite pet name for me was slowpoke ( yes my biological mother)

Some idiots will still be preaching , no mother can hate their child , I pray you don't experience it because if you do , you're bleeped

I look like I'm okay but I'm going through a healing process ,noone believes me coz I laugh alot , I'm the funniest among my friends , the most dramatic and best adviser and I realize I'm a shoulder but in all sincerity I don't have anyone that I call a shoulder ,my dad provides for my needs , but we all need someone to complain to , even when I am offered an ear I'm too scared to use it , I just swallow it and move on

anthonyuncle:
give her some space.

one common issue with her kind is that they have so much pride. but will drop it for the person they feel is worth it.

if you are worth it, she will drop her pride and come for you

Her coming back is not the issue.

She does come back

And then boom, another mood swing and she wants to be by herself again.

The problem is if I have the patience to continue on that line.

Or I should resort to pushing her away totally.

Cos, how long will I put up with the back and forth.

It's mentally tiring to me, and maybe it feels like a game or a sort of healing process for her, that I don't know.

TheManofTomorrow:
Her coming back is not the issue.

She does come back

And then boom, another mood swing and she wants to be by herself again.

The problem is if I have the patience to continue on that line.

Or I should resort to pushing her away totally.

Cos, how long will I put up with the back and forth.

It's mentally tiring to me, and maybe it feels like a game or a sort of healing process for her, that I don't know.

have a pillow talk with her about it.

if she continues, leave her

anthonyuncle:
have a pillow talk with her about it.

if she continues, leave her

I have spoken with her but not elaborately. Just talk to her about independent scenerios of her mind swing and attitudes. Never generally about the issue.
I'm a man of few words but Im willing to create an exception for her.


Normally, I would bounce cos getting girls is the least of my problem. I get girls I want and she knows this.

I'm just being patient with her because I love her, and she's a cool person, and she's only like that because of her family background/father.

If after this, she bleeps up one more time, then I'm off
Thanks

LadyD22:
You have no idea what you're talking about ,
It's not about distance , if you're a rejected child , you face a lot of struggles that are not visible to others

I have two parents , I didn't get to see both of them growing up coz I was confined in a boarding school since primary 2 , I still have a better relationship with my dad but I was severely rejected by my mom and everything OP posted still applies to me , I used to think I was the problem until I realized she felt the same way I felt for her parents , she hated them coz she was mistreated but she was equally a beast to us , she didn't get healing and now I had to inherit that ,
I was abused verbally , physically , emotionally
She's my biggest motivation in life because in trying to prove her wrong I became her opposite but I've not been able to relax and enter my feminine side , I'm always protective , trying to do everything on my own , I also attach to other people's moms , I'm that friend you don't want to have because of comparism , it hurts alot because in reality I know I'll never be a part of that family , in fact it caused fight between me and my friend , I was always taking her mom's side

It's not a matter of dwelling on the past , it's the conditioning of your brain , you may not notice but most of our choices are made subconsciously , half the time we don't realize we're in a pattern , that's why kids from divorced homes are more likely to get divorced and kids from abusive relationships are more likely to be abusive or abuse tolerating adults

The most stubborn boy in my Sunday school class was an abused child of my neighbor , she had gotten pregnant twice without a husband and she treated them like shit and the girl is exposed , using adult language , the boy picks a fight with everything and everyone , he should be 6 or 7 , both of them are likely to grow up with internal issues

I'm educated and I do realize that somethings were not my fault , I am currently battling severe anxiety and depression , I have insomnia because I have bad dreams alot I sleep better with noise of people moving around during the day , sleeping at night is war , I finished my sleeping pills and my sleep cycle is messed up , I've had at least 3 panic attacks between February and now, it doesn't feel good , I also have random outbursts for the silliest reasons , you can ask my exes , only one person knew me and understood me , the others just felt like I was either childish or crazy

I'm attracted to fine older men , my last ex was 20 years older , the one before him was 16 years older, my friends were aware , they are used to me now that's why they feel comfortable talking about their men with me coz I'm not attracted to them and they're not attracted any of mine , they even use it to tease me

I haven't been able to fill that void in my heart , that's why I have a whole folder of baby videos on my system , coz I can't wait , neglectful children can either be the worst parents or the spoiling kind , I really love approval and appreciation , na my mumu button be that

If I wash and you're like "OMG thank you so much , you made my day " you just bought yourself a human washing machine , you just need to keep saying I made your day and how sweet I am and I won't stop trying to make your day , to the point of neglecting myself to please you
People pleaser I have had so many school daughters , not because I'm cool but because I don't know how to say no , just do like you want to die and jam me, I'd give my soul if you asked for it nicely
When I say no , I'm scared of them misinterpreting it , or losing their approval , who are they ? No one
I'm not sure wiping my memory would erase this habit , it's embedded
People with loving parents don't realize how lucky they are
My personal hygiene was a mess until like 2 years ago , I learned most of it from YouTube , I didn't know how to calculate my period , I had too many embarrassing moments that I can't count, I felt like an outcast , everybody talks about having certain talks with their mom that I've never had
I would've preferred to be an orphan or be aborted than to be born as an enemy

She told me she knew from the day I was born that I was her enemy and she wishes she could send me to the orphanage but she's sure no one would want me , she also told me I tried to kill her in the labour room , I had badluck since I was in the womb and I look like a human but I'm an animal , her favorite pet name for me was slowpoke ( yes my biological mother)

Some idiots will still be preaching , no mother can hate their child , I pray you don't experience it because if you do , you're bleeped

I look like I'm okay but I'm going through a healing process ,noone believes me coz I laugh alot , I'm the funniest among my friends , the most dramatic and best adviser and I realize I'm a shoulder but in all sincerity I don't have anyone that I call a shoulder ,my dad provides for my needs , but we all need someone to complain to , even when I am offered an ear I'm too scared to use it , I just swallow it and move on

Mehn!

This was an emotional heart pouring.

I pray and hope you get better.

Irrespective of the negative experience you had growing up, you still sound like a good and loving person with a heart of gold.

You'll be fine my Lady.

LadyD22:
You have no idea what you're talking about ,
It's not about distance , if you're a rejected child , you face a lot of struggles that are not visible to others

I have two parents , I didn't get to see both of them growing up coz I was confined in a boarding school since primary 2 , I still have a better relationship with my dad but I was severely rejected by my mom and everything OP posted still applies to me , I used to think I was the problem until I realized she felt the same way I felt for her parents , she hated them coz she was mistreated but she was equally a beast to us , she didn't get healing and now I had to inherit that ,
I was abused verbally , physically , emotionally
She's my biggest motivation in life because in trying to prove her wrong I became her opposite but I've not been able to relax and enter my feminine side , I'm always protective , trying to do everything on my own , I also attach to other people's moms , I'm that friend you don't want to have because of comparism , it hurts alot because in reality I know I'll never be a part of that family , in fact it caused fight between me and my friend , I was always taking her mom's side

It's not a matter of dwelling on the past , it's the conditioning of your brain , you may not notice but most of our choices are made subconsciously , half the time we don't realize we're in a pattern , that's why kids from divorced homes are more likely to get divorced and kids from abusive relationships are more likely to be abusive or abuse tolerating adults

The most stubborn boy in my Sunday school class was an abused child of my neighbor , she had gotten pregnant twice without a husband and she treated them like shit and the girl is exposed , using adult language , the boy picks a fight with everything and everyone , he should be 6 or 7 , both of them are likely to grow up with internal issues

I'm educated and I do realize that somethings were not my fault , I am currently battling severe anxiety and depression , I have insomnia because I have bad dreams alot I sleep better with noise of people moving around during the day , sleeping at night is war , I finished my sleeping pills and my sleep cycle is messed up , I've had at least 3 panic attacks between February and now, it doesn't feel good , I also have random outbursts for the silliest reasons , you can ask my exes , only one person knew me and understood me , the others just felt like I was either childish or crazy

I'm attracted to fine older men , my last ex was 20 years older , the one before him was 16 years older, my friends were aware , they are used to me now that's why they feel comfortable talking about their men with me coz I'm not attracted to them and they're not attracted any of mine , they even use it to tease me

I haven't been able to fill that void in my heart , that's why I have a whole folder of baby videos on my system , coz I can't wait , neglectful children can either be the worst parents or the spoiling kind , I really love approval and appreciation , na my mumu button be that

If I wash and you're like "OMG thank you so much , you made my day " you just bought yourself a human washing machine , you just need to keep saying I made your day and how sweet I am and I won't stop trying to make your day , to the point of neglecting myself to please you
People pleaser I have had so many school daughters , not because I'm cool but because I don't know how to say no , just do like you want to die and jam me, I'd give my soul if you asked for it nicely
When I say no , I'm scared of them misinterpreting it , or losing their approval , who are they ? No one
I'm not sure wiping my memory would erase this habit , it's embedded
People with loving parents don't realize how lucky they are
My personal hygiene was a mess until like 2 years ago , I learned most of it from YouTube , I didn't know how to calculate my period , I had too many embarrassing moments that I can't count, I felt like an outcast , everybody talks about having certain talks with their mom that I've never had
I would've preferred to be an orphan or be aborted than to be born as an enemy

She told me she knew from the day I was born that I was her enemy and she wishes she could send me to the orphanage but she's sure no one would want me , she also told me I tried to kill her in the labour room , I had badluck since I was in the womb and I look like a human but I'm an animal , her favorite pet name for me was slowpoke ( yes my biological mother)

Some idiots will still be preaching , no mother can hate their child , I pray you don't experience it because if you do , you're bleeped

I look like I'm okay but I'm going through a healing process ,noone believes me coz I laugh alot , I'm the funniest among my friends , the most dramatic and best adviser and I realize I'm a shoulder but in all sincerity I don't have anyone that I call a shoulder ,my dad provides for my needs , but we all need someone to complain to , even when I am offered an ear I'm too scared to use it , I just swallow it and move on

Damn....
this is so deep
I’ve heard of father’s hate towards his kids but mother’s hate is just too deep
I can’t imagine what you passed through in her hands.
Sorry dear
I pray you heal totally

SavageBoy:
Mehn!

This was an emotional heart pouring.

I pray and hope you get better.

Irrespective of the negative experience you had growing up, you still sound like a good and loving person with a heart of gold.

You'll be fine my Lady.

I'm okay jare
I hate how people underestimate the effects of environment on children's life as they develop , too many ignorant people making assumptions without actually observing anything or gathering facts , I do hope other children like me break that yoke of repeating negative patterns that we inherited and actually bring up healthy children in all aspects of life , that's my biggest goal

Orgasmgiver123:
Damn....
this is so deep
I’ve heard of father’s hate towards his kids but mother’s hate is just too deep
I can’t imagine what you passed through in her hands.
Sorry dear
I pray you heal totally

What I passed through is in the past , I'm already taking active steps to healing , after graduation I'm looking to move out completely so I don't relapse , sometimes I think I'm okay and then I see her and I'm suicidal again , her mere presence is triggering , when she goes up I go down when she goes down I go up , coz she intentionally tries to hang around me long enough to spit some rubbish but I don't give her too much chance again
I don't plan on having her around my children , it won't work
I will do the proper work to be better before I bring anyone to come and be my responsibility even if it takes 10 years , I can wait

BigCowH0rn:
I was born and raised in Austin, Texas, USA.
Down there people have guns and horses.. and massive ranches with cows roaming.

I spent a weekend at a family friend's ranch and that Saturday was horse breaking day. They brought a team expert riders to break the wild horses in order to make them accept human authority.

One particular horse was so stubborn it was called Hellfire. I was given to understand that it was rare breed, a cross between an European war horse and an Arabian swift.
The result was this thing so huge, powerful and fast... but since it was wild, so dangerous.

You see, the process of breaking a horse entails others holding it and blinding it while an expert rider gets on and then they let go. The rider will try to force the horse to obey as it bucks like mad trying to get him off.
If the rider wins, the horse is broken and learns to accept a human rider from there on. It normally takes a short time.. minutes to an hour

Normal horses buck but hellfire bucked and spinned. No one could stay on for more than a minute. If the rider falls off it attacked
Many got injured trying to ride that horse and it go to a point that the owner wanted to shoot it. One old cowboy opposed the owner to no end, saying that he horse was an exceptional one that just needed the right master.

I understand the two of them eventually bet $13k on that horse which saw many expert riders try until one hardcase from New Mexico broke it. The horse went on to win trophies in at least 2 horse races i knew and one high jump event.


[b]What I'm trying to say my bro is that girl is like a powerful horse that refuses to be tamed.
You are not the right rider.

When she meets the right rider and tries all this nonsense you are complaining about he will bring her to heel.

Many girls that ran rogue in their family have ended up with men that handle them well enough to change them... there is even an old British love story about the issue.. I have forgotten the name

On the other hand, many girls that have been the perfect daughters have gotten married and gone crazy.

That girl is not useless... just needs fixing and you clearly can't do that.

She needs a man she will fear and love
Someone who is bigger, older and firm.
He will be her boyfriend to be loved, her daddy to be obeyed, her friend to be with... FEAR AND LOVE... respect.. will run in her blood
Her type don't do well in relationships with men her age or size... which is what you are

Her problem big pass you.
You are not the solution... you can't tame her... move on.

Good morning.[/b]

I understand where you're coming from
That's a fantasy , a man that can heal you and give you what you desire
I believe if something like that happened , you've gotten yourself a partner for real
People barely forget those who came to their rescue , they secretly worship them
But that task is bulky , only a committed person with a risk taking attitude would invest in the healing process of a partner ( like people that invested in btc when it wasn't really as big as it is now , those kinds of people are hard to find) , most people just want a ready made person , pure and holy

For me I see these untameable horses as diamonds in the rough , they are unable to exercise their potential due to the setbacks they might be having in their mind , it takes a lot of work to clear the dirt and get to the diamond but it's not impossible

Physical disability or physical illness is better than mental illness ,at least with physical illness there is proof and your mind still works , you can still cope, but mental struggle can even hinder your cognitive processes , you will forget you've not eaten sef , you can even forget how to breathe , just like how you sleep and you're choking and your body actually thinks it's being choked and you're gasping for air but noone is choking you, some will say it's Spiritual attack ( I'm probably talking off point, but you get my point)

My point is you're right that she needs that kind of person but only a risk taking person would stick around for healing to actually happen , it could be a great story line for a movie tho