HRHQueenPhil:


I can't imagine what u are going through
This is very wicked of the man
I wld advise u don't leave ur marriage
Every marriage has test and this is one of it
Two solutions
-get a good maid that can assist with looking after the child
- u can start a business that helps u support ur man and leave d house so u won't constantly be in pain
Remember to lift the child up in prayers and fasting so it shall be well with u as well

Sounds easy when you're not wearing the shoe. Honestly answer, Will you do same if you're in her position?

Lekmanz87:


Oga try to read and understand before commenting…

..... I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

.... E be like na you no understand wetin you dey read or na the woman no Sabi werin she dey talk.....

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

To be honest this OP is a very Considerate and Happy Woman. Every other Mother's will understand. Ma'am, what I can Advice is that you should leave the house for now. Don't divorce him. That may be too harsh and aggressive. But give him space. Till he finds solutions to these whole issue. But some men no dey try sha. He lied to you because he never thought the mother of that child will ever come to drop the child. And also know that he actually abandon the mother of the child because of the condition of the child. That's why he got married to you . So definately if you yourself give birth to such child, (God forbid) he will abandon you too and go for another woman . So don't pity him saying you want to be managing .. just give him space.

This your story get bend waist

H0711:


God forbid bad things but for my own child I will never get tired of him I will love him no matter what but for someone else child in that condition I won't. The worse is he didn't tell me from the onset maybe if he had told me I would have accepted her and be prepared but I wasn't prepared and I can't do it.

Don't mind him, do what will make you happy and what will keep your sanity intact. Life is too short to be carrying burdens that are not yours.

Jovialjune1:



Why not wish a disability child for yourself since life and everything in it is in 2 phases, darling.

you know you can help me with that, sweetheart. What do you say?

phemmyfour:
It's not even about the condition of the child but the fact that she can hide such huge secret from you. Do you know what else is hidden from you.

Separate from him, it's not worth it

only God knows what else he is hiding from me even his salary I don't believe a security guard can earn 15k in this abuja but I have accepted him in that condition. I can't add another burden of taking care of the child all my life . I am leaving on tbe 4th of August

maasoap:


Don't mind him, do what will make you happy and what will keep your sanity intact. Life is too short to be carrying burdens that are not yours.

Thank you

H0711:


I don't know where she is , the first time I set my eyes on her was the day she dropped the child and I don't think I have any business with her. I am a woman like her she has her reason for dropping her off because taking care of such a child requires a lot of money too. My hubby is not financially stable he couldn't provide for her needs while she couldn't too so her only option was to drop her off with us and I can't also do it. The only option I have is to leave too she is his child he will find a way to take care of her. I don't think nigerian government provides care for such people. The only place he went they said they are happy to keep her in and they will provide all her care but he must pay 200k every month which he can't afford.

Let him drop the child at Motherless babies abi childrens' home.

H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

I really don't know how to advice you but I hope God guides you to the right path. If you guys can't handle her maybe you should consider putting her up for adoption. There are NGOs that take care of children in such condition. It is really heart wrenching taking care of such a child. As I said may God guide you right but let divorce be the last option

BloomingDale:


You are a really good person then. As for me I won’t.

You are very wicked and bitter.

generalwo:
If she was your child will you abandon her? Advise her dad to employ a maid to assist with taking care of the child.... Marriage is for better for worse..... You leaving him because of this defies everything a good marriage stands for.... He messed up not telling you about the child in the first place but i advise you forgive him..... Children are blessings.... No matter the disability or conditions they are in..... I didn't say it's easy but think twice before you leave..... Don't love for the good times only..... Unless you already have someone you're seeing and then you're using this as an excuse to japa.... Let me ask... What if it's your husband that had an accident and finds himself in such a condition... That's how u will leave him and go abi..... If na man dey do this one now... Them go begin shout men are scum follow everywhere... It is well Sha..... I have always said it that this generation knows nothing about true love... They love only for the good times... When the going gets tough..... They change without thinking twice

So everything they have been writing since you haven't seen it, the husband isn't financially buoyant, he has a 15k job and his side hustle isn't working.
His family members ie Mother and sister refuse to come and help, everything falls on the wife to help out 24/7 when she herself is 7 months pregnant.
This isn't easy for anyone so if she wants to leave for her mental and physical health, she has a right to

maasoap:


This is not about her marriage to her husband, just happened that someone else's problem was dumped on her laps. She didn't see it coming, she was "ambushed". It's just too much for her and for anyone for that matter. Haba!

It still boils down to marriage, its the marriage that ties her to the special child responsibility, if the marriage wasn't involved, she won't be facing this problem...

Rosaline5000:

So everything they have been writing since you haven't seen it, the husband isn't financially buoyant, he has a 15k job and his side hustle isn't working.
His family members ie Mother and sister refuse to come and help, everything falls on the wife to help out 24/7 when she herself is 7 months pregnant.
This isn't easy for anyone so if she wants to leave for her mental and physical health, she has a right to

.... If it was the man who had such an issue or her own child, will she leave?? Yes or no

Blessedmercy8:


What's the deceit there?

Ok, agreed the man didn't tell her but did she at anytime ask the man if he had a child somewhere and the man denied it? No! So no case here.

Shes just wants to have her cake and eat it. Shes not willing to sacrifice or support her spouse. The man is also having a hard time and needs her support but no, she's only concerned about herself alone. she's just being self-centered.

There's nothing like deceit. She should learn to ask questions in her dealings with people next time. I guess she got carried away by what she was enjoying then and never bothered to do the needful.

Just shut up. Intially you sounded judgemental, like you are perfect, but now you are sounding stupid. A person was lied to but it was her fault for not asking if the man has a child. Like, that is just plain dumb and cruel.
You were not with her in the relationship, you don't even know her but you are playing the omnisincent who knows all things.
Just shup up and be humane for 1 min.

jogsman01:
you know you can help me with that, sweetheart. What do you say?

I say fvck off, sweetheart.

kollinz1234:
you are pregnant and you don't know what you will give birth to, yet you want to leave your husband not because he didnt tell you that he had a child out of wedlock but because you can't cope with the child. Karma is a very wicked bitch.
You leave that man's house, don't be surprised at what you will give birth to.

Shallom

My guy. Pls hide your head in shame! See the manipulative bullshiit you wrote for a woman who is heavily pregnant, whose world is turned upside down with a heavy responsibility placed on her shoulders with no assistance to help her cope. No mental treatment , no monetary assistance, no nothing provided.

Even God doesn’t place burdens on his creatures! Every assignments God will always provide assistance.

You are a wicked being . It’s people like you I run away from cos the way you think it’s so bad.

When poor man jams big man problem.

Karleb:
You are too young to be suffering for another person's sin

For me, the analysis must begin from the disparity between the month she got married and how many months pregnancy she's carrying. Also, I feel she has concealed some facts, and she married another woman's "property"!

That's why I hate poverty...
It can destroy a Man....
This issue will have been well managed...
if this is a rich family....
Op should take her health first and foremost...
Cos of her condition...
She should continue to pray and seek for Gods direction...
We all plan our ways.. But it is God that direct our steps..

H0711:


God forbid bad things but for my own child I will never get tired of him I will love him no matter what but for someone else child in that condition I won't. The worse is he didn't tell me from the onset maybe if he had told me I would have accepted her and be prepared but I wasn't prepared and I can't do it.

You are not being true to urself. U can't love the child because she's sick but u will be able to love urs? Who are u fooling? The worst is he didn't tell u or the biological mother dumped her? All these are excuses.. u are already one leg out of the union because u have decided on that. You don't know if u are her last hope of survival that God wants to use. U think events happen for no reason? Instead of looking for solutions together with ur husband u want to run off. What if ur only option in future is to run back into the marriage? Even if not what if u cross path with ur soon to be ex husband in future and the tables turn? This might be an opportunity for u to be a better person both financially and mentally but because of it closed mind u only see the wrong side of everything. Abandoning a helpless child is the purest of evils whether it's urs or not. The man was very foolish yes but u can be the wise one in the union. Don't leave do what u can to ease the burden but don't kill urself while at it. Just try and support him with the child even if it means bringing in someone from the village (his or urs) but i don't think abandoning everything will profit u in the long run.

Riversstate:


This is why ultrasound scan is important
Early scan and at 20 weeks should reveal any fetal anomaly.

The man lied so she can leave

Ofcourse, she can leave. I don't support we die here mentality however, it must be justifiable. Remember, she is carrying the man's child also. Our challenges are meant to bring the best of us.

It's tough and I agree, she didn't sign up for this but the question is this, would she abandon ship that has already sailed and left the shore even though she never met the crew members. She has to try!

Again, I advice they should hook up with NGOs that leverage on such and work with them. You might be surprised, this may be their way to success and fame. They have to keep seeking for help till they loud enough be it local or foreign. These category of parents always extend a lending hand cos they know where the shoe pinches.

She should atleast try.

Rosaline5000:

So everything they have been writing since you haven't seen it, the husband isn't financially buoyant, he has a 15k job and his side hustle isn't working.
His family members ie Mother and sister refuse to come and help, everything falls on the wife to help out 24/7 when she herself is 7 months pregnant.
This isn't easy for anyone so if she wants to leave for her mental and physical health, she has a right to

She has right to leave to retain her sanity but what about her condition, having a child without the father will also affect her mental health, i guess they should urgently find solution to the special child care.

So many options are there for them, they just need to explore it...

H0711:


only God knows what else he is hiding from me even his salary I don't believe a security guard can earn 15k in this abuja but I have accepted him in that condition. I can't add another burden of taking care of the child all my life . I am leaving on tbe 4th of August

A marriage not built on trust is bound to fail. Unfortunately, it is what it is.....not worth continuing living with such a man

H0711:



Why should it hunt me when her father has decided to abandoned the mother due to her condition and the mother has also abandoned her because the father wasn't providing upkeep and why do I have to carry the blame for? Nothing will hunt me that hunt should go back to her parents they should do something for their child not me. I have decided to go back with my own child and even if I birth my child no matter the challenge I will face in the village I will never drop him with him. I will take care of him
She is 7 years old

Okay..how about if someone or any organisation that takes care of children with special needs decides to take care of the said child... would you still opt to leave the marriage?

If yes, then what are your reasons?

Akalia:
You are very wicked and bitter.

Lol. Guilt trip me from now till tomorrow. I swear even if you offer me a million dollars, I’m not taking care of any man’s offspring not from me, especially when he hid it.

You can go, madam; I feel your pain. But don't come back when things improve.

generalwo:
.... U always wanted to leave.... No use the pikin as excuse.... Which kind nanny dey take 200k?? How much dem dey pay graduate wen nanny dey take 200k?? With as small as 40k....u will get someone to cater for that kid every month....

You have lack of comprehending ability. Go back and read her post again, slowly.

If u Wan commot, commot... But don't use the innocent child as an excuse .... If na your husband get accident come dey that kind condition.... Na so u go Waka leave am abi?? I have always said it..... After the devil, fear women... If he was as rich as Dangote, I am sure u won't consider leaving him.... Otedola pikin, women are dying to take care of him because of his father's money..... Na so una dey do... No be today....

The kid's mother abandoned her, why blackmailing this one? Why attacking her about the kid she knew nothing about?
Her husband becoming disable has nothing in comparison to this case. Easier to judge others until you found yourself in their spot. Lol

H0711:


Yes I have made up my mind because it has not been easy for me because i take care of her everyday from morning until hubby get home at 7-8pm . It's been a week only and my head want to explode and my body want to give up. I am tired and the level of stress is too much for me in this my condition I need rest not all of this burden . I can't do it anymore. I am not leaving him because of his poor condition it is because I can't take care of his special need child , his financial state hasn't been a problem to me because no condition is permanent I know one day everything will be fine but i can't take care of his special need child in this my condition.

Judging from your story I can see that you truly need some space for the sake of your mental and emotional health and for the sake of the emotional health of your soon-to-be-born child.

But you see, separating from your husband (that is, not living with your husband in the same house) and divorcing him are two different things.

I personally think divorcing him in such situation is too drastic and may not be for your on good in the long run.

You can stay separate from him and return to him later if:

1) he has found a way of managing the situation such that the child won't be a burden to you anymore

Or

2) your own child has grown up to know about the story and you feel you have become mentally and emotionally stable and strong enough bear the burden of the child with the special needs.

If any of the above conditions are not met on time and you happens to have another man who knows your story and still love you and want to marry you, you can officially divorce him then.

H0711:


God forbid bad things but for my own child I will never get tired of him I will love him no matter what but for someone else child in that condition I won't. The worse is he didn't tell me from the onset maybe if he had told me I would have accepted her and be prepared but I wasn't prepared and I can't do it.

He hid this important information from you. Surely his defence will be he didn't want to lose you. This might not be the only thing he is hiding..
You are in a state that you have to be strong and make decisions that you will be firm with. That child of his is innocent and deserves your pity no doubt, but she isn't your responsibility as in your current state you deserve little or no stress, so don't go about shouldering the responsibility of two "irresponsible parents" who have done nothing but prove how immature and senseless they can be. Use that little strength you still have left to tighten up your belt and take a vacation away from that man. Tell him you have to excuse yourself to allow him space to sort things out pertaining the child and the baby mama. Use that time to clear your head.
Just know this, you are at a point you shouldn't beat yourself, deed has been done. Go back home for now, or anywhere you are welcome to stay for some time. Do not be ashamed to ask for help. It is those who ask that receive. Don't listen to those saying leaving your husband is end of you. You aren't ending it but taking a leave to allow for things to be sorted out and if he doesn't sort it out or goes on to impregnate another woman while you are away then you'll have known exactly the kind of person you would have stuck yourself to.
If you accept things as they are, in two months' time you'll have two helpless children to take care of, this is not including yourself who will need care too. And considering that your husband deceptively got you into this marriage and isn't financially stable, crisis that rock boat of marriage would be inevitable.
Best wishes.

We have often preached to women to be careful about spreading their legs out of wedlock as they are a delicate gender and will be on the receiving end, but they won't hear. A simple celibacy before marriage would have saved this OP untold hardship!
I know this is not what OP wants to hear, but I will say it. This is the "...for worse" part of the vow you took (if you actually took it). So, receive grace to carry your cross.

killmods:

You are not being true to urself. U can't love the child because she's sick but u will be able to love urs? Who are u fooling? The worst is he didn't tell u or the biological mother dumped her? All these are excuses.. u are already one leg out of the union because u have decided on that. You don't know if u are her last hope of survival that God wants to use. U think events happen for no reason? Instead of looking for solutions together with ur husband u want to run off. What if ur only option in future is to run back into the marriage? Even if not what if u cross path with ur soon to be ex husband in future and the tables turn? This might be an opportunity for u to be a better person both financially and mentally but because of it closed mind u only see the wrong side of everything. Abandoning a helpless child is the purest of evils whether it's urs or not. The man was very foolish yes but u can be the wise one in the union. Don't leave do what u can to ease the burden but don't kill urself while at it. Just try and support him with the child even if it means bringing in someone from the village (his or urs) but i don't think abandoning everything will profit u in the long run.

Oga, she can give you the man’s address so you can go look after the child. This one that you are so passionate about the issue, maybe God is telling you to go look for the child and take care of her.