backnbeta:

The man is insincere and selfish if he expects her to take care of another woman's special needs kid- even if she's not pregnant. However, leaving the marriage still leaves the kid stranded. What I think she could do to help the kid and her marriage (if it's worth salvaging):
1. Get her husband to return the kid to the birth mum same way she brought her to him
2. Take the kid to a home - I carried out s study on PWD and I know there are some homes where they take them in. Though like you said, it may not be totally free but I believe it's nothing near 200k. They even have some abandoned kids there
3. Even if she'll leave him, she can help that child get some stability before leaving. I'm just about the child

The solution is that the wicked mother should come and carry her child....

U parted ways with a man

U still don't want another woman to enjoy him

shes mád

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

Please which one is making you so much angry to a point u want to leave the marriage.
Are you angry that the man did not tell u of the child from his previous relationship?
Are u bothered that the child is handicapped?
In as much as it can be painful. Have u asked yourself this question.
Are u sincerely 100% open to ur husband. Are there things about u that you hid from him.
I'm not justifying anything.
I'm not condemning anything
What I want to assure u is that leaving your marriage will never solve ur proble.
It may even make is complicated.

All the same, if you think that your happiness will come from leaving, then leave.
Goodluck.

Ginaz:
My only worry is the child, But God always take care of its own. It is well!

Your "only" worry is the child yet did only advice that ever came out of your mouth is she should leave, if OP allow you sef you fit hire uber go carry her cummot ! stop being an hypocrite will God come down n do it, if Op don't deserve such why should God send someone else

Jovialjune1:



Pls leave.

Since he can keep something as huge as a child, who knows what else he's keeping from you

You are justified to leave abeg.

Plz don't u ever advice a married woman to leave her marriage.

Blessedmercy8:


So you support her to leave her marriage?

In all, she allowed herself to be deceived.

Anyways,.... Whatever rocks her boat.

Aunty, you are irritating. In fact, I don't even know what word best describes you. Just get out abeg.

HRHQueenPhil:


I can't imagine what u are going through
This is very wicked of the man
I wld advise u don't leave ur marriage
Every marriage has test and this is one of it
Two solutions
-get a good maid that can assist with looking after the child
- u can start a business that helps u support ur man and leave d house so u won't constantly be in pain
Remember to lift the child up in prayers and fasting so it shall be well with u as well

No maid can take care of that child

advanceDNA:


The solution is that the wicked mother should come and carry her child....

U parted ways with a man

U still don't want another woman to enjoy him

shes mád

How is the mother wicked? Why isn’t the man wicked? A man who abandoned the mother for 7yrs with no money to assist her. She’s not wicked pls!

H0711:


Thank you

Connect to this program today.

You are a Christian, I believe.

If nothing change, you are absolutely entitled to leave.

But try God first.

Today is the last day.

[quote author=LotaTee post=115243273] Aunty, you are irritating. In fact, I don't even know what word best describes you. Just get out abeg.
.

Please madame, leave and have your insanity intact... You're pregnant, you need to be cared and cattered for... Your condition is critical... Let him bear the burden alone...its his responsibility and you shouldn't be dragged into this... Better move back to your village where you can have your peace of mind...

Have u tried involving both families to hear their take on the issue or just a personal decision u want to take?



I'll advise u call a meeting between ur family and his family to tell them ur mind

If he concealed his child from you, that man can kill you one day. What if the child's mother didn't come to dump her, you wouldn't have known till now. That man is a very dangerous man, please flee for your life. People are wicked sha.

Marriage is for better for worse, stay. If you persevere you will reap the benefits of that marriage. The children you will give birth to in the marriage will be very great people in the society

Davidoff2000:
hmmmm...this your pregnancy so..how are you sure it will not be a deformed child too? Another case of cerebral palsy? Do you know if it runs in his genes? thats what you should be more concerned about. before you divorce, give birth and get stuck with a child with medical conditions you cant take care of alone, because you left and he wont have you back

My baby is perfectly fine. celebral palsy is not genetic or hereditary. Just because she gave birth to her with the condition it doesn't mean my baby should also carry the same condition God forbid bad things . Whether he have me back or not is not at problem at all . I prefer that he take the child mother back so they can raise their child together because to raise a child in that condition only a real mother can do it with so much love and care she didn't abandon her because she wanted to but it is due to lack of financially support.

Kobojunkie:
First of all, the idea that women are caregivers is based mostly on a stereotype. Not all woman are built that way so please do not go around repeating that lie. Our society forces women into the role and so they all go around, some of them taking on responsibilities their mental are unable to handle. And this needs to stop. The role of caregiver, in marriage, ought to be shared by both the man and woman to whom the child belong.

This man chose to have a child, take on the responsibility on his own. Why should the lives of others be disrupted because he had a child? Don't they have their own burdens to deal with? Abeg, focus on the man who refused to inform his new wife of his child and stop trying to offload his burden so easily on others.

Men do this caregiving abroad everyday when the money is right. And I have seen some of them say they are better caregivers while women are wicked. So, I wonder why they are trying to blackmail the lady. The man should be able to handle it. MEN ARE MORE LOVING AND COMPASSIONATE THAN WOMEN.

PraiseHim4ever:


Plz don't u ever advice a married woman to leave her marriage.

I will continue to do that till you are tired of crying oceanic tears.

Your husband can't throw away his child and believe me,it will be difficult to take care of that child even if you are the mum.The girls mum did not do well by giving up on her child because she is the only one equipped enough to take care of her own child.

Ginaz:


How is the mother wicked? Why isn’t the man wicked? A man who abandoned the mother for 7yrs with no money to assist her. She’s not wicked pls!

Can you leave your own child??
Only wicked parents abandon their child for others saying they are tired...

what you ask for is hold support....thats how it is done everywhere...

Akalia:
Madam you really are not ripe for marriage. Your husband made a goof by marrying you. So you can't even stand by your man in trying times? That means you never loved him from the beginning.

Stereotype like you is the reason most single men dread marriage. You want to excuse your ill-motivated resolve by blaming the man for keeping this child's existence a secret as if you don't have any secret you have kept from your husband uptil now.

You can leave him to suffer alone and mock his financial situation in public but believe me you someday God will bless that man and you will want him back but then it might be too late.

Most women supporting you here are not married or they were once married but could not keep their marriage because of bad behavior, so yes they are jealous of married women like you.

Please, choose your words carefully, someone is going through alot already, being so harsh on her will worsen her situation...


Words kill faster than bullet.

kayperry:




Your "only" worry is the child yet did only advice that ever came out of your mouth is she should leave, if OP allow you sef you fit hire uber go carry her cummot ! stop being an hypocrite will God come down n do it, if Op don't deserve such why should God send someone else

I’m worried about the child of course. It is not her fault to be born that way. Solution will come but I’m not in support of the pregnant wife taking care of the responsibilities. She’s not in a fit form to handle it, and the husband doesn’t have the money to hire help. God will send someone else, maybe that’s what he’s doing already. Some Nairalanders have already recommended charity organizations who specialize in the care of special needs children.

God will take care of its own.

Yeyeoldman:
It breaks my heart when I see people being fooled into believing they are loved unconditionally. People will conviniently walk away from you when the going gets tough.

I see everyone encouraging her to leave but no one is asking her the very important question; what would you have done if the child was yours? Why is nobody interested in the answer to that question? I have an idea, she will walk away. Stop excusing certain things in life.

Now my advice to men and women alike. Stop marrying people you don't know. A lot of people have a very low tolerance for stress and trials of life. Stop being stupid. Date people for as long as possible. Let life test you and your partner. Your relationship have to be proven beyond reasonable doubt to be able to stand the test of time.

There is no excuse for walking away from someone you love. A lot of Nigerians are just marrying and dating to survive. They don't know what love is. Only the luckiest of people ever experience true love. What if this man was in an accident or had a stroke? Is this how she will wake away too? This woman is lazy and obviously don't even know this man.

Nigerians forget about fine face, small waist, big bumbum and Big breast. These things don't matter in marriage. People only realize this when it's already too late.

Hmmm and I guess with this intent to leave, the man too has not 'known' the lady.
The question now will be to every married man and woman reading and replying this thread.... do you know where the 'red line' of your love is for your spouse and more importantly, DO YOU KNOW WHERE HIS OR HER RED LINE IS FOR YOU?

So you can better prepare for the bottomline and possibly buy insurance after the fact.

The man should consider taking the child to his parents and pay for a maid that will care for her under his mum's supervision. In fact, he should have found a solution instead of waiting for the lady to drop her at his doorstep. There would have been threats coming from the woman.

The honest truth is that the current scenario is not good for a heavily pregnant woman and soon to be mother.

@OP
If it's impacting negatively on your physical and mental health, try separation to give yourself enough time to think and decide on the best way forward. It's not wise to jump into divorce over one issue (that is not domestic violence) so early in your marriage.

I see that most people commenting don't know what it is to manage a special needs child. That's why they're so judgemental.

Akalia:
Madam you really are not ripe for marriage. Your husband made a goof by marrying you. So you can't even stand by your man in trying times? That means you never loved him from the beginning.

Stereotype like you is the reason most single men dread marriage. You want to excuse your ill-motivated resolve by blaming the man for keeping this child's existence a secret as if you don't have any secret you have kept from your husband uptil now.

You can leave him to suffer alone and mock his financial situation in public but believe me you someday God will bless that man and you will want him back but then it might be too late.

Most women supporting you here are not married or they were once married but could not keep their marriage because of bad behavior, so yes they are jealous of married women like you.

Ogun will kee you for trying to shame this innocent woman, who is the victim in all of this for wanting to leave her marriage.

If the reverse was the case, would the man accept a special needs child into his home? Would he bath and clean another man’s child when she messes her self up?

This lady has absolutely no duty to the child. Let the child’s parents and grandparents take care of the child. Nonsense

Ebymyk:
Please madame, leave and have your insanity intact... You're pregnant, you need to be cared and cattered for... Your condition is critical... Let him bear the burden alone...its his responsibility and you shouldn't be dragged into this... Better move back to your village where you can have your peace of mind...

Thank you I am leaving on the 4th of August even right now I left him alone with the child I am not coming home until tommorow I need a break. he should feel the pain he has put the child mother for raising the child alone for good 7 years . I am a woman I really feel her pain. I have done it for a week and my body gave up it is not easy at all.

Jovialjune1:



I will continue to do that till you are tired of crying oceanic tears.

Plz dont, its ungodly. Even when you know its the best thing for her to do, let her decide herself.

Women? .

Juanmike:
You have a child on the way,don't reject that child, the law of universe has a way of getting to us.

And the same universe will grant you similar children. Non of your children will be normal.

Your plan to manipulate OP has ended before it kickstart.

PraiseHim4ever:


Plz dont, its ungodly. Even when you know its the best thing for her to do, let her decide herself.

Don't preach to me, I said I will continue to do it, so just move on from my mention peacefully.

Olayetan:



Please, choose your words carefully, someone is going through alot already, being so harsh on her will worsen her situation...


Words kill faster than bullet.

I didn't mean to be ruthlessly careless with words in my initial post, all I was trying to point out is that the woman is not alone in this situation since her husband is still in the picture. That special needs child is now partly her responsibility as she is married to the child's father. Marriage makes it so.
Now let me ask you a question and before you answer please take time to critically think out answer - is divorce the ideal way out of this situation for the woman?

H0711:




Thank you . Right now he can't afford that 200k monthly , his younger sister has refused to come and help taking care of the child. Me too I can't kill myself in my condition and I will leave next month.

If I were you I would leave because your husband didn't tell you he has a child. Now that the bubble has burst he wants you to suffer for what you don't know anything about. My sister, leave now for your own sanity. Nobody has the right to judge you if you leave the marriage.

Ginaz:


My guy. Pls hide your head in shame! See the manipulative bullshiit you wrote for a woman who is heavily pregnant, whose world is turned upside down with a heavy responsibility placed on her shoulders with no assistance to help her cope. No mental treatment , no monetary assistance, no nothing provided.

Even God doesn’t place burdens on his creatures! Every assignments God will always provide assistance.

You are a wicked being . It’s people like you I run away from cos the way you think it’s so bad.

your kind of thinking is so shallow and that is why you are struggling with life generally. You are talking about God not placing burden on His creatures. Is it "Godly" for a woman to leave her husband's house? Marriage itself comes with it own burden, so also life in it entirety (show me a man that has no problem/burden in his life, then I will believe your hypothesis)
but in your hypocritical mind, you want to select your own burden. Keep preaching heresy and decieving people with your inglorious thinking. Your judgement will come. Mr fair weather Christian

Akalia:
Madam you really are not ripe for marriage. Your husband made a goof by marrying you. So you can't even stand by your man in trying times? That means you never loved him from the beginning.

Stereotype like you is the reason most single men dread marriage. You want to excuse your ill-motivated resolve by blaming the man for keeping this child's existence a secret as if you don't have any secret you have kept from your husband uptil now.

You can leave him to suffer alone and mock his financial situation in public but believe me you someday God will bless that man and you will want him back but then it might be too late.

Most women supporting you here are not married or they were once married but could not keep their marriage because of bad behavior, so yes they are jealous of married women like you.

I can't believe y'all on this thread. At this point, I think you guys are actually joking. This volume of stupidity cannot be for real. Nah, you must be joking, has to be. But this joke is in bad taste, stop it.