Yeyeoldman:



I pray life don't happen to you, it can be very lonely And scary. Don't take things for granted Bro, Your day can become night without any warning.

Life or no life. You can’t delegate such responsibility. No sane person will accept it. But if you will, go and adopt the child. Bastard!

gsparks01:
from the little experience Ive heard, your marriage is founded on a lie and should be annulled.

Thank you

H0711:
I got married two months ago. I am 7 months pregnant my husband didn't tell me he had a child from his previous relationship and the child has a disability celebral palsy. Her mother came to dropped her off in my house saying she has done enough and she's tired it is now hubby turn to take care of her.

The child can't do anything for herself she can't sit, talk, walk and she does toilet in her clothes. I can't do it anymore I love children because I have taken care of my own nieces and nephews before I would have taken care of her if she was normal but taking care of a child in this question is hard and if her own mother has had enough she abandoned her and why would I kill myself taking care of her in my condition.

I want to divorce and go back to my village I have told him i am leaving next month. He is pleading with me not to leave him that he will take the child somewhere else but the place is not free he has to be paying like 200k monthly for them to take care of the child and he doesn't even have that amount of money because he is not financial stable.

I will stick to my decision but I want to know what will other people do in my situation.

I will tell you this, right now is not the time to divorce.
Since you are pregnant, give him space, go to your people and stay till you give birth, by then your head will be clearer to make a better decision.
Both your husband and your mother-in-law are mean to not have told you and then expect you to carry such burden.
Take a break till you give birth, then make your decision.

H0711:


If you know any of your sisters or someone around you who can take care of the child please let me know I will give you his contact so you can connect him to her.

Unfortunately all my sister's are happy married. And won't leave their marriages no matter the pressure

/No time waste. But will you return if your husband takes the girl to somewhere else?[quote author=H0711 post=115257068]

I have already left. I am a hard working woman I will work hard to take care of my son and I will never hate him because he is the best thing that ever happened to me. []

Good advice

Sassy256:

I will tell you this, right now is not the time to divorce.
Since you are pregnant, give him space, go to your people and stay till you give birth, by then your head will be clearer to make a better decision.
Both your husband and your mother-in-law are mean to not have told you and then expect you to carry such burden.
Take a break till you give birth, then make your decision.

Sterope:
That is a very different scenario. His child isn't hers and vice versa.

You have time to be answering that person.

Maybe reverse the situation and let's see how many of all those typing rubbish would say the same thing.

Even a normal kid is enough responsibility. You have to sacrifice your personal life till they are old enough let alone a child with special needs that needs 247 care.

I would not wish even my enemy such. Those who take care of those kids get paid for it. So it's a reward based system for them asides whatever passion they have helping such kids. To heap the responsibility of such on someone who was lied to, doesn't have passion for such, isn't paid and doesn't even have the required skills is wicked and absurd.

She should have left earlier.

@op. ho711 If you need transport fare back home. I would glady pay it. Don't let any single person guilt trip you into believing you are a bad person. Infact you are an extremely good person. To have stayed for two weeks is more than considerate.

You would be doing that kid and your own kid a lot of good by leaving. At least that would push the father to do the right thing and find the necessary care the poor child needs and gives you room to also concentrate on your own child and nuture it. Surround yourself with supportive family members and God grant you safe delivery. He can always have access to visitations and play the fatherly role. You are not taking away his kid. You are doing what is best for you, your child and his daughter.

Sassy256:

I will tell you this, right now is not the time to divorce.
Since you are pregnant, give him space, go to your people and stay till you give birth, by then your head will be clearer to make a better decision.
Both your husband and your mother-in-law are mean to not have told you and then expect you to carry such burden.
Take a break till you give birth, then make your decision.

Thank you

obiyor2000:


Unfortunately all my sister's are happy married. And won't leave their marriages no matter the pressure

Good for them

onegig:


You have time to be answering that person.

Maybe reverse the situation and let's see how many of all those typing rubbish would say the same thing.

Even a normal kid is enough responsibility. You have to sacrifice your personal life till they are old enough let alone a child with special needs that needs 247 care.

I would not wish even my enemy such. Those who take care of those kids get paid for it. So it's a reward based system for them asides whatever passion they have helping such kids. To heap the responsibility of such on someone who was lied to, doesn't have passion for such, isn't paid and doesn't even have the required skills is wicked and absurd.

She should have left earlier.

@op. ho711 If you need transport fare back home. I would glady pay it.

Thank you so much . My elder sister will send me the tp money tommorow.

Mindlog:


The mother has cared for her for 7 years while the father of the child has moved on to marry and expecting another child, so she has brought the child to the father so that she also can have the opportunity to move on with her own life.

Hummm who bring this kind agbado come table na? If she was healthy now, they will both fight tooth and nail to keep her. Her mum shod stoll take her while her father fend for her financially. Its both of their responsibility (pls is my grammer correct?) na im make i no dey talk to mush oo

[quote author=tempest2019 post=115255605][/quote]

I hope she does my dear

obiyor2000:


Unfortunately all my sister's are happy married. And won't leave their marriages no matter the pressure

It’s sad your family doesn’t provide a safe space for your sisters. May God be with them. They have no place to run to if shit happens.

onegig:


You have time to be answering that person.

Maybe reverse the situation and let's see how many of all those typing rubbish would say the same thing.

Even a normal kid is enough responsibility. You have to sacrifice your personal life till they are old enough let alone a child with special needs that needs 247 care.

I would not wish even my enemy such. Those who take care of those kids get paid for it. So it's a reward based system for them asides whatever passion they have helping such kids. To heap the responsibility of such on someone who was lied to, doesn't have passion for such, isn't paid and doesn't even have the required skills is wicked and absurd.

She should have left earlier.

@op. ho711 If you need transport fare back home. I would glady pay it. Don't let any single person guilt trip you into believing you are a bad person. Infact you are an extremely good person. To have stayed for two weeks is more than considerate.

You would be doing that kid and your own kid a lot of good by leaving. At least that would push the father to do the right thing and find the necessary care the poor child needs and gives you room to also concentrate on your own child and nuture it. Surround yourself with supportive family members and God grant you safe delivery. He can always have access to visitations and play the fatherly role. You are not taking away his kid. You are doing what is best for you, your child and his daughter.

Gbam. Nothing to add.

Nozino:
If he likes, let him marry 10 husbands. If OP likes, she will remarry too.

My worry doesn't lie with the OP or the man but instead, the disabled child, whom OP feels will be helped by her returning the man's bride price.

Eaglesence:


Hummm who bring this kind agbado come table na? If she was healthy now, they will both fight tooth and nail to keep her. Her mum shod stoll take her while her father fend for her financially. Its both of their responsibility (pls is my grammer correct?) na im make i no dey talk to mush oo

No. This most likely won’t work. Didn’t you see people asking OP to stay because it is significantly more difficult to remarry as a single mother? Now who will marry a single mother with a 7year old child with cerebral palsy( who will soon enter teenage hood)? Who?will you? The father should care for her while the mother provides financial support.


Alternatively, the father can care for her for 7years then return her to her mother who will in turn care for her for another 7years and return her.


You people can not continue to dump special children on their mothers while the fathers go about life like they don’t have special needs children. Everyone has to chip in.

H0711:


God forbid bad things but for my own child I will never get tired of him I will love him no matter what but for someone else child in that condition I won't. The worse is he didn't tell me from the onset maybe if he had told me I would have accepted her and be prepared but I wasn't prepared and I can't do it.

Don't mind any hypocrite telling you to eat the shiit. Turn the table around and ask yourself if your husband would take it if you were in his shoes, they detest to father another man's child not to talk of this mischief. For bette for worse killl them mischief makers there.

@H0711

Can we chat privately? i want to propose something to you. or should i said anything i want here?

Evaloyal2J:

Don't mind any hypocrite telling you to eat the shiit. Turn the table around and ask yourself if your husband would take it if you were in his shoes, they detest to father another man's child not to talk of this mischief. For bette for worse killl them mischief makers there.

I love this energy

With all due respect ma I won't advice you to still stay in that marriage , don't start what you can't finish now it's still early I'll advice you to leave if he really loved you he would have told you about his child before the marriage , don't forget you are pregnant and don't need stress by the time you give birth you will no to take care of your child, please ma it's not too late to leave ,someone who would love you and be sincere with you will surely come for you .
And for your husband not to tell you about the child how sure are you he is not hiding other things from you now he's telling you he'll take the child to a caregiver home when he can financially support it so when will he do that time is running out and you are too young to go through all these stress please leave the marriage
The ball is in your court it's up to you to decide but remember whatever decision you make now will affect you in the future
If you decide to stay sorry for you , because one you are not sure if he'll do as he said and who knows if there are other things he hasn't told you
But if you decide to leave good i leave the rest for you

IJOBA11:
WHAT IS SHE GOING THROUGH PLEASE

emotional trauma.. then again, if u know..u know

Inali:
you're stupid and deluded. As if you will stay if you're in the same situation. The way una dey talk sometimes ehn

Yeah, u are not worth my time
It's unfortunate u can't express urself without being cordial and no insults..smh

Inali:
you're stupid and deluded. As if you will stay if you're in the same situation. The way una dey talk sometimes ehn

Yeah, u are not worth my time
It's unfortunate u can't express urself without being cordial and no insults..smh

HRHQueenPhil:
emotional trauma.. then again, if u know..u know

THE EARLIER YOU SLAY QUEENS GET USED TO POLYGAMY THE BETTER FOR YALL.


POLYGAMY IS A GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO EVERY MAN, IF YOU NOR LIKE AM GO PRACTICE POLYANDRY

Nozino:



You’re very crazy. Why are you advising an innocent party instead of the child’s parent?

It's so unfortunate that u can't give ur own opinion without being insulting...it's really sick and disappointing..u can change, u can do better..learn to respect other people's opinion

IJOBA11:
THE EARLIER YOU SLAY QUEENS GET USED TO POLYGAMY THE BETTER FOR YALL.


POLYGAMY IS A GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO EVERY MAN, IF YOU NOR LIKE AM GO PRACTICE POLYANDRY

We are not fighting and you are matured so behave like one and don't write in capital letter

afadi2410:


No maid can take care of that child

What do u tink Nigerians are doing abroad?
Many Nigerians will do it as far as u take care of them

dawnomike:
My churchy mind wants to tell you to stay in your marriage as it is for 'better for worse', but i surely can't judge you if you do otherwise as he was not truthful to you from the set go.

The burden is much as you presently heavily pregnant... If he can put his daughter in a place where she will be taken care of without affecting you, please, stay in your marriage.

Just in case he can't, give him space

Any marriage built on deceit, divorce is a valid reason to end it.

HRHQueenPhil:


It's so unfortunate that u can't give ur own opinion without being insulting...it's really sick and disappointing..u can change, u can do better..learn to respect other people's opinion

I don’t want to change. If I kept quiet , people like you would have made her doubt her self and guilt trip her into accepting a child that isn’t her responsibility.

If she's in Lagos, Lagos state government has a home for kids with special needs but you'll have to visit often and provide allowance for upkeep. You can't just go and dump the child there.

Richy4:

Where is the real mother of the baby OP.. do you have an idea?

If u do, maybe u can pay her a visit to guilt-trip her for abandoning her kid.. I didn't say it's the right thing to do,But it's like your last hail Mary pass..

The husband should have told you from the beginning though... not just surprise you with a big responsibility...

Finally do U know if Nigerian government takes care of people/ individuals with such problems?

@H0711

I am still advising you not to leave your marriage unless there is another thing you are not telling us. i wish i can have your husband contact to tell him the following options.

1. he should send that baby to his ancestors.

2. he should hire an individual to care for the baby.

3. he should beg the mother of the girl to take her back with a promise of sending money always as agreed between them.

i repeat, don't leave your marriage if you think you have a future with your husband.

pregnant women don't use to think straight and your thoughts might be influenced by your pregnancy to take a quick decision that you may regret later. this is where i intend to come in, i can take care of the child in your house till you give birth(with condition though) and if after birth you still want to go, then you should divorce and leave in peace. i should have say more but answer this questions first before i continue

Advancedman:


Fasting for a pregnant woman I hail o..

Oh pls, everyone can fast ..it's d effort that counts with GOD even if it's still 12 or 3pm the child needs all d help she can get spiritually