Chidiesta:


He denied the pregnancy he hasn't met her before

A pathetic situation ..
All the same, try and get your daughter out if your sister's custody...
Be good .

It's likely your Daughter isn't being taken care of, you must verify, I'm also weary about taking a female child to stay with non family , unless you trust them.

Giving your friend your daughter to help you raise, is like giving a cat a fish to hold, one day he must eat the fish, anytime she ask you for money after sending her money for school fees and food stuffs tell her you dont have money and always be firm about it, that way she will adjust trust me, just be firm and that will make the difference. Bottom line, leave your daughter with your sister

Please kindly make an arrangement asap for your daughter to leave your sister's house. Coz something is fishy somewhere.

Chidiesta:
Good day nairalanders,

I have lived in Germany for 3 years now i have a 1 years old daughter and I also have a 8 years old daughter who lives with my elder sister in nigeria.

She is married with three kids , I provide everything for them and I pay one of her child school fee but my sister is never satisfied with the money she keep demanding me for more money.

She knows it very well that I am not stable yet in this country , life is hard just because she is taking care of my daughter and she want me to carry the responsibility of her three children.

I make sure that I send a big parcel for all of them once a year as I am typing the parcel is on the way but she want me to pay school fees for all her children too and I can't afford to pay for all four.

I am paying her son school fees is 87k per term and my daughter own is 67k . On the 2nd I sent her 300k for school fees and foodstuffs she called on monday demanding me for 154k for her son and my daughter school fee I asked her what about the money I sent on the 2nd she said she bought foodstuffs for 120k and use the 180k for her two oldest children school fee and she want me to send the 154k for the youngest 2 , I was angry with her and I cut the call.

I am angry my own sister is draining me financially and I have a lot of bills to pay too and a small child to cater for.

I have spoken to my friend she is happy to take care of my daughter for me until I am stable enough to bring her to Germany. I like the idea because my sister is not helping me to progress.

I hope my daughter living with my friend will be a good idea.

I haven't told my sister anything yet because we are not in good term but I want to hear from you first please let me know if I should allow my friend to take care of her or I should leave her with my elder sister.

Your sister is not draining you financially. THINGS ARE HARD IN NIGERIA, worse than Germany. You should be thankful she is willing to care for your kids and you have the capacity to send some money.

What happened to your husband? (or your children's father?... you no sound like who dey marriage)

Chidiesta:


He denied the pregnancy he hasn't met her before

So let me understand the kind of person you are.

1. You fuçked 2 different men and have 2 children, RIGHT?

2. You cannot even appreciate the fact your elder sister agreed to take care of one of your bastards under the harsh economy of Nigeria

3. You come to nairaland to paint elder sister evil.

4. You thought there will be no consequences for your actions, right?

5. People like you only learn the hard way.

6. No wonder the men left you because they could not believe they ever copulated with you. Maybe you got them drunk and raped them. Maybe you are trying to pin another man's pregnancy on an innocent man who was wise enough to see through your tricks. Maybe you don't even know who the fuckìng father is.

7. You are a very ungrateful fellow and I can only wish you learn to appreciate help when it comes your way.

What's your sister's location... If I can help u go and check on your daughter as a security personnel

Chidiesta:


My friend is a single mother of one, she is a tailor and living in the same town with my sister but a bit far away. I can't bring my daughter to germany now because I don't have papers and I am not eligible for work I am not financially buoyant.

As sugg3sted by others earlier, let your friend find a good boarding house for your child in same town, speak with one of the staff of the school too. Put your daughter there and let your friend be the guardian.
She will check on her during visiting days, pick her up during the holidays and take her back at resumption.
See finish will not enter the relationship with your daughter, as she will be in school most of the time except for holidays and half term.
You will also have access to someone from the school, can pay into school account directly.
Of course you will be sending some money to your friend for buying provisions, and also feeding for your daughter.
Of course, still speak with your sister regularly even when your daughter is not with her, as she will still be useful someday especially if your friend is unable to live up to expectations for one reason or the other

Chidiesta:


Me too I have a feeling she is not taking good care of her because most of the time she doesn't want me to speak with her on video call

ur friend his the best person to do so, , what is daughter age, location , if you don't mind call me to pay a visit to ur sister , am in Lagos State computer village ikeja, 08one 39. 34. 71 79 , from time to time I can visit her school and update you , am okonkwo Sunday , from delta state ibusa, I basically in Lagos State, I have my own family at mowe, ogun state , u are not the first person am doing it for, I have one waman in uk , Manchester that have helped , I can give you her number to confirm ,

Chidiesta:


I know she won't because she will not want the money to go to someone else and if she refuse to release her I will involve human rights but I hope it will not reach to that level

you don't need to, do what theis person said.


You have so send some one she
knows to her house and when the
person gets there, speak with your
sister that you have found a
boarding school where she will
attend and live in the dormitory till
she is on holidays
In your sister mind, she is coming
back during holidays but in your
own mind, you are done with her
Whatever questions she wants to
ask you, be polite and intelligent
with your response


follow this step,

jesmond3945:
no. Dont take your daughter to your friend. Your sister is better.
Your sister is family and because you are bringing money she would do everything to make sure daughter is ok. Your friend has nothing to loose, if your dsughter falls into trouble she might not do anything to help even if you give her money. Tell your friend to check up your daughter in school. You can call your daughter through her to confirm things.
You said you are not eligible for work, are you on an asylum or some other status?
Why I ask is how do you see in this in the long run, are you going to bring your dsughter lets say before she turns 15?

sometimes friends are better than family, there's nothing good about their relationship, so I see no reason why her daughter will remain there, if she can milk her dry like this she doesn't mind using her daughter as a maid.

mariahAngel:

Chai!
Please, make sure your daughter leaves her place.

including the one year old daughter too?

Chidiesta:


She is a single mother of one and I strongly believe she will take care of my daughter better than my sister

Ok then.

One more thing, since you're far away make sure that whenever you call they must give your daughter phone so you can speak to her personally to know if everything is going well with her.

My opinion though.

Chidiesta:
Good day nairalanders,

I have lived in Germany for 3 years now i have a 1 years old daughter and I also have a 8 years old daughter who lives with my elder sister in nigeria.

She is married with three kids , I provide everything for them and I pay one of her child school fee but my sister is never satisfied with the money she keep demanding me for more money.

She knows it very well that I am not stable yet in this country , life is hard just because she is taking care of my daughter and she want me to carry the responsibility of her three children.

I make sure that I send a big parcel for all of them once a year as I am typing the parcel is on the way but she want me to pay school fees for all her children too and I can't afford to pay for all four.

I am paying her son school fees is 87k per term and my daughter own is 67k . On the 2nd I sent her 300k for school fees and foodstuffs she called on monday demanding me for 154k for her son and my daughter school fee I asked her what about the money I sent on the 2nd she said she bought foodstuffs for 120k and use the 180k for her two oldest children school fee and she want me to send the 154k for the youngest 2 , I was angry with her and I cut the call.

I am angry my own sister is draining me financially and I have a lot of bills to pay too and a small child to cater for.

I have spoken to my friend she is happy to take care of my daughter for me until I am stable enough to bring her to Germany. I like the idea because my sister is not helping me to progress.

I hope my daughter living with my friend will be a good idea.

I haven't told my sister anything yet because we are not in good term but I want to hear from you first please let me know if I should allow my friend to take care of her or I should leave her with my elder sister.

you don't have a choice for now, if you take the eight year old you will still be sending her money for the 1 year old meaning she will still be milking you dry, so the best option for you is to get your papers and take your kids to stay with you, for now there's not other choice

ikdaddy01:
Your sister is your sister. Your child is also building bonds with her cousins.

That was then when sisters still have each other back not now. Which silly bond,so are you trying to say she should leave her daughter there even if the sister continue sucking her or maltreating her daughter becoz sister is sister and so that the daughter can build bond with cousins? After all the sucking and sucking maybe she came back to Nigeria with nothing they will be the one to laugh... Op said she explained her financial situation to her sister someone that can't even consider her own sister situation is not worth calling a sister. Maybe you never live in someone else house b4 even if you guys are related u will understand

Exactly. Nothing more nothing less. A blood relative is doing this then what we will do to non blood relative doing these things nowadays. Na to congratulate those ones.

moiaimi:
I believe her child i not schooling rather living the life of a glorified maid

4ckyou:


you don't have a choice for now, if you take the eight year old you will still be sending her money for the 1 year old meaning she will still be milking you dry, so the best option for you is to get your papers and take your kids to stay with you, for now there's not other choice

My 1 years old is with me she was born here in Germany.

Her sister is not draining her financially really? Did you read this story well? So what makes it right for her to pay her first 2 children school fees first with the money that was sent to her. Haba. You are the type that will do same. Where is our concience in this country please? There is nothing wrong in the OP giving her Sis money to support the family after all her daughter is under her care but what I find wrong is the Sister rubbing to her face that the OP's daughter is of no value to her the caretaker.

alphaNomega:
Your sister is not draining you financially. THINGS ARE HARD IN NIGERIA, worse than Germany. You should be thankful she is willing to care for your kids and you have the capacity to send some money.

What happened to your husband? (or your children's father?... you no sound like who dey marriage)

achimendy:


Ok then.

One more thing, since you're far away make sure that whenever you call they must give your daughter phone so you can speak to her personally to know if everything is going well with her.

My opinion though.

Yes I will be calling daily

AyoEniafe:



Hello OP, I totally understand you.
Same thing happened in my family, so I think you can use my advise.

My aunt in the US left my young older cousins with her younger brother in Nigeria (my uncle).

Uncle's wife wasn't so cool with the boys when my uncle now later got married.

My aunt was stressed, she had to move the children to my grandma's house.

Later had to move them to a woman who she's never seen before.

Interestingly, this woman cared for them like they're her children until they graduated.

LESSON: FORGET ALL THIS PEOPLE SHOUTING "BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER"

Not all blood is thicker than water, some family members are just users/opportunists.

Your sister is obviously using you as her major source of income.
Don't let that affect your love for your sister anyway! The country is hard for her, no be her fault.

If you feel uncomfortable with the child being in your sister's place, then you might want to make a careful inquiry about your friend.

Research about your friend's character, her love towards you, how she treats people around her. Do your research well abeg.

As for people saying you should take her to boarding house, your daughter will be deprived of love in boarding house oo. And when it's holidays, she'll have to vacate the hostel, so.... boarding house is out of it. Just pray about this matter sha.

Thanks for the advice , she is a childhood friend of mine so I trust and I strongly believe she will take care of my daughter better than my own sister. Boarding school is a big no for me I have watched a lot of cases where teenagers were being bullied ,sexyally abused and murdered in boarding school and I will never send her there.

Chidiesta:


I am a woman. I will take her away from her soon I will call my sis tommorow to tell her that I don't have anymore money to send her and I want my daughter to go and stay with my friend so she will put her in a cheaper school she will cover the expenses until I get back to my feet This is the only way she will release her because she will not offer to cover the expenses for me.

Sounds like a good plan. At least to save your friends head, now that she feels money is out of the equation she would release her.

Chidiesta:


My 1 years old is with me she was born here in Germany.

oh okay, that's good, then take your 8 year old away from her as soon as possible, register her now in another' school as school is resuming on the 6th of September

Sweetvie:
That was then when sisters still have each other back not now. Which silly bond,so are you trying to say she should leave her daughter there even if the sister continue sucking her or maltreating her daughter becoz sister is sister and so that the daughter can build bond with cousins? After all the sucking and sucking maybe she came back to Nigeria with nothing they will be the one to laugh... Op said she explained her financial situation to her sister someone that can't even consider her own sister situation is not worth calling a sister. Maybe you never live in someone else house b4 even if you guys are related u will understand

In all family is still family. Blood they say is ticker than water.
The sister might be milking her quite alright but most Nigerian home have suck mentality entitlements no mater who is involved. That they don't have today doesn't mean things will not get better tomorow. Taking away the child to a friend will create more division than empathy.
Anyway, I had an aunty in US. Story had it she did the same thing. Sent her daughter to a friend. Unfortunately that one turned against her. The daughter denied her as mother when she grew.
She eventually repatriated her back to 9ja. Am just saying, if it about money spend it.

Guy, put her into a boarding school for now if you can afford it. Get her a phone that you can be in regular communication with her and always let her know that you love her. Explain why you can't be in the country at the moment. Make sure say she knows everything about you, so no baggar can come adulterate the fatherly love she will go looking for when she reaches that age.

No carry your daughter go meet any friend o.

If nah woman, most likely you daughter will be maltreated.

If nah man, on top maltreatment, sexual abuse will enter the chat. Seen and heard so many instances for this to even be an option. Uncle sef the abuse niece of blood brother.

Unless your mother is no more, keep her where she is for now and quadruple your hustle to ensure she comes to join you in the next 2yrs. Meanwhile, regularly contact your daughter, let her know that you love her and this pain she is going through is for a short while and you're doing all you can to ensure that she comes to join you, but for her not to mention it to anyone.

Trust me, it will go a long way towards helping her ride out the misery you suspect she is going through, because at the back of her mind, she knows that daddy is riding to the rescue and all will be well soon.

Even wife wey person trust, once another child from another woman enters the matter, you MAY see another side of them that even they were not aware was hidden in them. They see it as a threat to their own children and a constant reminder that you're capable of having another child outside.

Chidiesta:


I am a female lol I am her mother. I am sure she is not taking care of her well because sometime she doesn't want me to video call her

Not allowing video call? Na red flag be that o
But at the same time, the devil you know is better than the angel you just met, you don't know what that your childhood friend dey plan for you u till it has dawned on you.
Either you explain your condition to your sister so that she can stop bleeding you or find another family member... That friend should be your last resort

[quote author=Chidiesta post=116136684]

Me too I have a feeling she is not taking good care of her because most of the time she doesn't want me to speak with her on video call[/quote]

Ha!!
And you have been sending money to her? The moment my blood stopped allowing me to see my children through video call, no one needs to tell me something is wrong.
I have once lived with a relative and I know what my eyes saw while living with them .
Take your daughter out of that place something is not right.

Deeper life boarding will be okay. Trust me

I have female adult boerboel and a 6month male lasa apso on sales

kress2m1:
Guy, put her into a boarding school for now if you can afford it. Get her a phone that you can be in regular communication with her and always let her know that you love her. Explain why you can't be in the country at the moment. Make sure say she knows everything about you, so no baggar can come adulterate the fatherly love she will go looking for when she reaches that age.

No carry your daughter go meet any friend o.

If nah woman, most likely you daughter will be maltreated.

If nah man, on top maltreatment, sexual abuse will enter the chat. Seen and heard so many instances for this to even be an option. Uncle sef the abuse niece of blood brother.

Unless your mother is no more, keep her where she is for now and quadruple your hustle to ensure she comes to join you in the next 2yrs. Meanwhile, regularly contact your daughter, let her know that you love her and this pain she is going through is for a short while and you're doing all you can to ensure that she comes to join you, but for her not to mention it to anyone.

Trust me, it will go a long way towards helping her ride out the misery you suspect she is going through, because at the back of her mind, she knows that daddy is riding to the rescue and all will be well soon.

Even wife wey person trust, once another child from another woman enters the matter, you MAY see another side of them that even they were not aware was hidden in them. They see it as a threat to their own children and a constant reminder that you're capable of having another child outside.

I am a woman

snoopz:


Not allowing video call? Na red flag be that o
But at the same time, the devil you know is better than the angel you just met, you don't know what that your childhood friend dey plan for you u till it has dawned on you.
Either you explain your condition to your sister so that she can stop bleeding you or find another family member... That friend should be your last resort

She is aware of my condition but she doesn't care about me all she care about is the money . I don't have any other family members who I can trust with my daughter my friend is the only one I trust and I strongly believe she will take care of my daughter better than my sister

Imagine I don't understand how some family members enjoy draining their blood financially if you want she can come and live with me together she will be coming to school with my kid sister together in the same school. And the school fees is affordable and the teach very well.

Trendylove:
Imagine I don't understand how some family members enjoy draining their blood financially if you want she can come and live with me together she will be coming to school with my kid sister together in the same school. And the school fees is affordable and the teach very well.

Thank you so much for wanting to help me but I have my friend who is going to look after her. Thanks again for your help.

Chidiesta:


I know she won't because she will not want the money to go to someone else and if she refuse to release her I will involve human rights but I hope it will not reach to that level

This is what I suggest-
1. Let your daughter go for holidays at your friend's place.
2. While she is there, ask her where she prefers- your sister's or your friend's place
3. Stylishly ask about her experience at school and home(your sister's place)
4. Make an informed decision from what she tells you.

In all honesty, what your sister is doing is very wrong. She's trying to milk you.

Another thing, please DO NOT send your kid to a boarding school except she returns for holidays to guardians who are kind and morally upright. Let her be where you can constantly reach her so she does not feel alone or neglected. That can ruin her psychologically.


A good friend is 100% better than an entitled, inconsiderate relative.

May God guide you to make the best decision.