₦airaland Forum

sapoyoro:
you overate yourself sha

Overrate myself?

sharpwriter:
No! But because you are neither here nor there in most of your answers, not just on this thread alone.

Well, like I said, there are no manuals as far as this thing called life is concerned meaning one doesn't have to be here or there. Just be.

crackhaus:
Ahh, I see... No wonder she could have such guts to be making threats.

I just hope your brother will be able to resist her this time.

thank you sir

Actually, not everyone in the UK does menial jobs. There are many Nigerians thriving careerwise. Speaking from experience as I live in the UK. We are not all cleaning s...t I never have since moving here over 12 years ago.

Whilst I do not support your brother's wife approach by threatening divorce, abortion and all that, I would encourage your brother to have an open mind. He has done well so far but unfortunately, with the current condition of Nigeria, it makes sense to explore opportunities which being in an advanced country can provide, especially for the sake of his children. 34 isn't too late to take a few steps back and go into something new. People with legal background can fit in well into Compliance for example and he can target the banking sector where opportunities abound in London. If he is a smart lad, hardworking, ambitious with a good work ethic which sounds like he is given his achievement till date, he can actually catch up and be successful. His wife being a nurse is no threat as nurses don't earn that much anyway compared to other professions. Yes, they never lack jobs but pay is not great compared to someone who is mid-level in a bank or in the IT sector for example. So in summary, it may be worth making the sacrifice for greater good of his family

heavensown:
Actually, not everyone in the UK does menial jobs. There are many Nigerians thriving careerwise. Speaking from experience as I live in the UK. We are not all cleaning s...t I never have since moving here over 12 years ago.

Whilst I do not support your brother's wife approach by threatening divorce, abortion and all that, I would encourage your brother to have an open mind. He has done well so far but unfortunately, with the current condition of Nigeria, it makes sense to explore opportunities which being in an advanced country can provide, especially for the sake of his children. 34 isn't too late to take a few steps back and go into something new. People with legal background can fit in well into Compliance for example and he can target the banking sector where opportunities abound in London. If he is a smart lad, hardworking, ambitious with a good work ethic which sounds like he is given his achievement till date, he can actually catch up and be successful. His wife being a nurse is no threat as nurses don't earn that much anyway compared to other professions. Yes, they never lack jobs but pay is not great compared to someone who is mid-level in a bank or in the IT sector for example. So in summary, it may be worth making the sacrifice for greater good of his family

Thanks very much sir..
His wife also suggests he can retrain as a Nurse

sokeril:
Good day my fellow Nairalanders,I’m bringing this here because I know there are so many reasonable and matured people here and I will like you to advice my brother and his wife whose home is currently breaking apart.
Now these are the issues.
My elder brother is 34 years old,got married about four years ago.He is a lawyer (doing quite really well) and also lectures at one of the SW state universities.

His wife is a nurse, currently in the UK,before she left for the UK shortly after the birth of their only child till date(though she is currently pregnant).Before she left my brother was not in total support but eventually had to bow down to pressure from various parties.
Now the current is issue is that the wife want the husband to come and stay in the UK permanently, that husband and wife has to be together..and she complained of a host lot of other things.
My elder brother is having none of it, he argued that it does not make sense for him having struggled to build his legal career to this stage(Nine years at the bar now) and with the huge potential to even achieved more in his career that he can not close his law firm, lose his client and career and moreover if he is relocating to the UK then which job is available for him or what will he even be doing that will worth risking his career back home in Nigeria....The wife said she has factor this in her plan and that’s why she is willing to write professional exams and move to the USA where there are better job opportunities and he may even still practice his law there.
The wife has been threatening fire and brimstone that she will abort her current pregnancy and fill for divorce..my brother has told her to do her worst.
My brother believes his wife is trying to manipulate him,and he is being wary of sacrificing his career for a woman....he believes if he make this move he may regret it in the future having come this far in his legal profession.
Though majority of my brother’s friends abroad are encouraging him to take the risk that he will not regret it,My brother said when pressed none of these people have also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he talk about what job will replace his fairly successful career back home in Nigeria.
Your advice and criticism are well welcome,thank you.

I'm sorry but your bro and his wife are substantially stupid. So they didn't discuss all this and agree before getting married. A lot of children getting married these days. The matter is simple. Your bro and his wife are headed in two different directions and none sees any personal gain in compromising for the other. The bible asks; can two walk unless they agree? Clearly your bro's wife has chosen her path. Tell your bro to let her go. If she can threaten to abort the child and file for divorce then she has ulterior motives for moving abroad. Tell your bro to end the marriage so that she can be free to do with her life as she likes. If your bro abandons his planned life here in Nigeria and move abroad he will regret it greatly. Infact his regret may push him to commit suicide. Let your brother's wife do as she likes it is on her. It is her decision and the consequences are on her. Tell your bro to move on. Your bro did not marry his wife, he married another man's wife!

sokeril:
Thanks very much sir..
His wife also suggests he can retrain as a Nurse

Really? A lawyer should retrain as a nurse? She has carefully planned his destruction knowingly or unknowingly.

efficiencie:
Really? A lawyer should retrain as a nurse? She has carefully planned his destruction knowingly or unknowingly.

Thats one of the most bizarre thing I have ever heard in my life

Ilekokonit:
Of course she will not want to come back to Nigeria. Which woman will want to leave a country that is the single parent capital of Europe (where Govt gives single mothers handsome amounts of cash ever month IF they are single mothers) and return to a country like Naija where the man is still the KING.

The wife na nurse sef. The guy will become a slave and/or end up in prison if he makes the fatal mistake of relocating to join her in the UK. As a Nurse, she will never be out of work but if the husband does not work in the health care field he will at first struggle to get a job and he will suffer periods of unemployment now and again as that's how economies work and his periods of unemployment especially the first long spell of him not having a job when he just lands in the UK is when his wife will ensure she fully enslaves him.

There is a reason a lot of UK men are happily single. Reason am. No be say we nor like to nack or live with woman but most Naija women in the UK are worse than demons and its suicidal living with them 'cos IF you decide to be a real man and you live with them, you will either end up in prison or unemployed or dead or all of the above.

Make bros nor try relocate to join his wife o as na suicide be dat o.

You guys in the UK suffer big time. Why marry there? What happens to cohabitation which is recognised by law? Modern problem requires modern solution.

sapoyoro:
honestly the risk isn't Worth it...even the age issue you raised,its not like if its immediately he gets there that he will find his feet,it can take years too...
and he may be under the mercy of the wife during those periods as she Will certainly be earning more than him.....
me sha no fit take such risk exchanging certainty for the uncertain untop marriage

Earning less than his wife shouldn't be a major problem if his earnings will give him the kind of life he expects. That being said, decisions to relocate to a new country should be based on one's own conviction and facts. Like you said, his friends live there. Are those friends living the kind of life he has always prayed for? What was the agreement before she moved to a new country? Are they considering living apart for the rest of their lives? There are so many questions to consider.

sokeril:
To be honest some of his friends who are abroad advised him to take the risk but none of these friends also have the legal career he has had...and none has also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he ask them of what job is available that will replace his career back here....infact when he asked these friends what they themselves are doing to survive there they are usually non forthcoming...all they just tell him is to come and he will find something to do.
One of those friends even advised him to consider going back for a nursing degree..lol
At least one told him there are menial jobs for the mean time for him..
The reality on ground is that It’s hard and even almost impossible as a Nigerian lawyer to practice the profession outside even in UK and US...
And the age factor too, how many years will he take him before he can find his feet,if he ever does at all...
There so many uncertainties he is wary of.

I get your points. He should simply follow his mind as everyone is different. Some people don't have issues dumping a career for another at 40 while others are not ready for that stress.

sokeril:
Thanks very much sir..
His wife also suggests he can retrain as a Nurse

She is not a nice person at all. A 34yrs old thriving lawyer should retrain as a nurse?

Anyway, going by your former threads, are you sure you are not your brother? Maybe it is a family of lawyers with ties to the UK.

pocohantas:
She is not a nice person at all. A 34yrs old thriving lawyer should retrain as a nurse?

Anyway, going by your former threads, are you sure you are not your brother? Maybe it is a family of lawyers that have ties with the UK.

Nope was just helping him to make research then..that’s when the issue started cropping up

pansophist:
You guys in the UK suffer big time. Why marry there? What happens to cohabitation which is recognised by law? Modern problem requires modern solution.

No be UK I for marry o. Na Naija I come bring wife from o and she waited for 10 years when I had given her irrevocable UK pali before starting her wahala.

Ilekokonit:
No be UK I for marry o. Na Naija I come bring wife from o and she waited for 10 years when I had given her irrevocable UK pali before starting her wahala.

Normally men should choose a society to live in with their spouse that doesn't undermine him even if the woman change, since women are integrationist by nature, and their attitude mostly is a result of the society she lives in. I have seen this multiple times. You may be the best guy she had while in Nigeria, but there is no virtue in her loyalty.

If the new society you took her to defines you as low status (Africans by default are in the lower rung in the west), then she may be tempted to port and adapt to the consensus of her newly adopted country. And God forbid she earns more than you, then sorry is thy name.

pansophist:
Normally men should choose a society to live in with their spouse that doesn't undermine him even if the woman change, since women are integrationist by nature, and their attitude mostly is a result of the society she lives in. I have seen this multiple times. You may be the best guy she had while in Nigeria, but there is no virtue in her loyalty.

A common experience for men who go back to naija to bring wives to the UK is that she will love him (or pretend to love him) for bringing her out of Africa because she wants him to get her to the UK first. When she lands in the UK and sees that she has to work in stressful jobs, she may not be able to cope with the stress and when she "discovers" single parent benefits (which she surely will discover) and the fact that the man gets kicked out of the house in case of marital troubles then that is when the marathon called marriage really starts and the man will start to see her true colours.

The UK is the single parent capital of Europe simply because of their anti family laws that handsomely rewards single mothers with regular payments PLUS a cut of the mans salary even though the same system has kicked him out of the house and away from his kids.

Raising children in single mother households is very common in the UK where the kids are used as pawns / weapons against their Dad who eventually has no choice but to move out of the house for his own sanity or to prevent himself from going to prison for disciplining his own child in a situation where wife and kids gang up against husband/father to get him out of the house any which way they can so that the woman can claim generous single parent cash from the government and the kids can do as they wish in the house with no correction.

A lot of times, the generous single parent cash benefits that is given to single mothers in the UK (which is the single parent capital of Europe) has blinded some of these so called single mothers to the long term dangers of raising children in a home where there is no father figure.

But some of these greedy single mothers are paying a grave price for seperating father and son and one such Nigerian boy aged 23 stabbed his mum to death in London in 2013 and is currently serving life in prison.

A similar case happened in Detroit USA in 2012 when a 14 year old boy shoots his mother dead as she slept after she tried to keep him away from joining a gang or hang with the 'big boys'.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-33204248

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2107504/Joshua-Smith-14-shoots-mother-Tamiko-Robinson-death-slept.html

She is planning to destroy your brother's life.

heavensown:
Actually, not everyone in the UK does menial jobs. There are many Nigerians thriving careerwise. Speaking from experience as I live in the UK. We are not all cleaning s...t I never have since moving here over 12 years ago.

Whilst I do not support your brother's wife approach by threatening divorce, abortion and all that, I would encourage your brother to have an open mind. He has done well so far but unfortunately, with the current condition of Nigeria, it makes sense to explore opportunities which being in an advanced country can provide, especially for the sake of his children. 34 isn't too late to take a few steps back and go into something new. People with legal background can fit in well into Compliance for example and he can target the banking sector where opportunities abound in London. If he is a smart lad, hardworking, ambitious with a good work ethic which sounds like he is given his achievement till date, he can actually catch up and be successful. His wife being a nurse is no threat as nurses don't earn that much anyway compared to other professions. Yes, they never lack jobs but pay is not great compared to someone who is mid-level in a bank or in the IT sector for example. So in summary, it may be worth making the sacrifice for greater good of his family

What if working in the banking sector is not what he wants to do. What if he feels fulfilled practising as a lawyer.

Of all the people I know who r in the UK. Non of them is rich yet or have bought a land or house in Nigeria. After tax deductions from their income, I don't think much is left.
Why can't the woman sacrifice her career for the kids? Why should it be the man. A young man was on his own, his wife come bring japa ideas, he opposed, they fought him, he allowed her, she left for uk, why should his life be disrupted by the decision the woman took on her own, a decision he was against. Make una leave that man alone abeg, wetin be this, which kind stress be this?

efficiencie:
I'm sorry but your bro and his wife are substantially stupid. So they didn't discuss all this and agree before getting married. A lot of children getting married these days. The matter is simple. Your bro and his wife are headed in two different directions and none sees any personal gain in compromising for the other. The bible asks; can two walk unless they agree? Clearly your bro's wife has chosen her path. Tell your bro to let her go. If she can threaten to abort the child and file for divorce then she has ulterior motives for moving abroad. Tell your bro to end the marriage so that she can be free to do with her life as she likes. If your bro abandons his planned life here in Nigeria and move abroad he will regret it greatly. Infact his regret may push him to commit suicide. Let your brother's wife do as she likes it is on her. It is her decision and the consequences are on her. Tell your bro to move on. Your bro did not marry his wife, he married another man's wife!

The man was not in support of the relocating if u read very well, she was adamant, that was why he let her be. Now she wants to disrupt the life of this young man.

The lady is the stupid one here

Ilekokonit:
A common experience for men who go back to naija to bring wives to the UK is that she will love him (or pretend to love him) for bringing her out of Africa because she wants him to get her to the UK first. When she lands in the UK and sees that she has to work in stressful jobs, she may not be able to cope with the stress and when she "discovers" single parent benefits (which she surely will discover) and the fact that the man gets kicked out of the house in case of marital troubles then that is when the marathon called marriage really starts and the man will start to see her true colours.

The UK is the single parent capital of Europe simply because of their anti family laws that handsomely rewards single mothers with regular payments PLUS a cut of the mans salary even though the same system has kicked him out of the house and away from his kids.

Raising children in single mother households is very common in the UK where the kids are used as pawns / weapons against their Dad who eventually has no choice but to move out of the house for his own sanity or to prevent himself from going to prison for disciplining his own child in a situation where wife and kids gang up against husband/father to get him out of the house any which way they can so that the woman can claim generous single parent cash from the government and the kids can do as they wish in the house with no correction.

A lot of times, the generous single parent cash benefits that is given to single mothers in the UK (which is the single parent capital of Europe) has blinded some of these so called single mothers to the long term dangers of raising children in a home where there is no father figure.

But some of these greedy single mothers are paying a grave price for seperating father and son and one such Nigerian boy aged 23 stabbed his mum to death in London in 2013 and is currently serving life in prison.

A similar case happened in Detroit USA in 2012 when a 14 year old boy shoots his mother dead as she slept after she tried to keep him away from joining a gang or hang with the 'big boys'.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-33204248

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2107504/Joshua-Smith-14-shoots-mother-Tamiko-Robinson-death-slept.html

Thank u sir.
I honestly feel this woman is trying to take advantage of my brother.

shantti:
The man was not in support of the relocating if u read very well, she was adamant, that was why he let her be. Now she wants to disrupt the life of this young man.

The lady is the stupid one here

Thank you..he didn’t want to let her go then..he was accused of being a bad person who did not want progress for the wife...amid pressure from so many people.

shantti:
What if working in the banking sector is not what he wants to do. What if he feels fulfilled practising as a lawyer.

Of all the people I know who r in the UK. Non of them is rich yet or have bought a land or house in Nigeria. After tax deductions from their income, I don't think much is left.
Why can't the woman sacrifice her career for the kids? Why should it be the man. A young man was on his own, his wife come bring japa ideas, he opposed, they fought him, he allowed her, she left for uk, why should his life be disrupted by the decision the woman took on her own, a decision he was against. Make una leave that man alone abeg, wetin be this, which kind stress be this?

He has always said the only profession that gives him fulfillment is being a lawyer.

sokeril:
Good day my fellow Nairalanders,I’m bringing this here because I know there are so many reasonable and matured people here and I will like you to advice my brother and his wife whose home is currently breaking apart.
Now these are the issues.
My elder brother is 34 years old,got married about four years ago.He is a lawyer (doing quite really well) and also lectures at one of the SW state universities.

His wife is a nurse, currently in the UK,before she left for the UK shortly after the birth of their only child till date(though she is currently pregnant).Before she left my brother was not in total support but eventually had to bow down to pressure from various parties.
Now the current is issue is that the wife want the husband to come and stay in the UK permanently, that husband and wife has to be together..and she complained of a host lot of other things.
My elder brother is having none of it, he argued that it does not make sense for him having struggled to build his legal career to this stage(Nine years at the bar now) and with the huge potential to even achieved more in his career that he can not close his law firm, lose his client and career and moreover if he is relocating to the UK then which job is available for him or what will he even be doing that will worth risking his career back home in Nigeria....The wife said she has factor this in her plan and that’s why she is willing to write professional exams and move to the USA where there are better job opportunities and he may even still practice his law there.
The wife has been threatening fire and brimstone that she will abort her current pregnancy and fill for divorce..my brother has told her to do her worst.
My brother believes his wife is trying to manipulate him,and he is being wary of sacrificing his career for a woman....he believes if he make this move he may regret it in the future having come this far in his legal profession.
Though majority of my brother’s friends abroad are encouraging him to take the risk that he will not regret it,My brother said when pressed none of these people have also been able to give him any cogent answer whenever he talk about what job will replace his fairly successful career back home in Nigeria.
Your advice and criticism are well welcome,thank you.

Your brother has a point because he doesn't want to go there and become a liability and then come back home to nothing

Well the problem here is the, wife, we have men who relocate their family abroad and then shuttles his visits to overseas

She cab invite her mum to stay with her and assist her

Now that your brother says she can do her worst

What makes you think he is afraid of loosing his marriage

If your broda tries it and things goes the wrong way,she wil stil divoce him he should stay back naija that woman want to turn your broda to wrag.

Durabest:
If your broda tries it and things goes the wrong way,she wil stil divoce him he should stay back naija that woman want to turn your broda to wrag.

Thank you

He should continue his job here in nigeria.

You or your brother should not go anywhere. Stay and enjoy where God destine you to prosper. If you leave Nigeria for the UK, you will surely regret it. Mark my word.

sokeril:
Uk currently

Nonam:
You or your brother should not go anywhere. Stay and enjoy where God destine you to prosper. If you leave Nigeria for the UK, you will surely regret it. Mark my word.

thank you

Update house:
My brother said he has made his decision, and nothing is going to change it, he is never going to close down a thriving law firm and delve in to the uncertainty.
Wife says she feels lonely, and depressed and needs her family with her.says her colleagues at work often poke fun at her because she is the only one whose husband remains in Nigeria.
He said he can only be going to visit and then come back to face his legal career, he said he can never be happy living abroad, a solution the wife refused totally.
Both family members has tried to solve the issue but no headway at all.
My brother believes his wife is being altruistically selfish, trying to take advantage of his kindness and gentleness ,says it has always been about what she wants which he has always obliged and never been about what he wants.
The wife said if that’s the case then she will fill for divorce and abort her pregnancy,my brother told her to do whatever suits her, but if she abort the pregnancy she should forget about ever having access to their only child(who is presently living with my brother in Nigeria) but for the divorce he will gladly and willingly grant her wish.
Mother in law did not also help matters, heaping abuse and laying blames on the husband, calling him insensitive and wicked.
Personally I think there’s no going back, this marriage is good as done.

I am not in a position to speak bad of the wife because our relationship is actually very cordial. And she do send me things from time to time from the Uk.
But so many red flags already.
And to be honest I think my brother has always been too submissive to his wife, it’s so weird.
He laid the bad foundation for what is happening today.

cc 2Radii Helpout12345 Ilekokonit Connected1. gaby. NoToPile Fahvvy emmanuelbrown26. RightToReject crackhaus pansophist

sokeril:
cc
2Radii
Helpout12345
Ilekokonit
Connected1.
gaby.
NoToPile
Fahvvy
emmanuelbrown26.
RightToReject
crackhaus
pansophist

Hello..

Is this matter still on ground?

I thought this should have been dispensed with by now.

Your brother needs to stay his ground and allow aunty continue her jakpa life after all, your brother no force her to jakpa, I wonder why she want force your brother jakpa.

Abi e get wetin your brother do her wey she still keep for mind codedly while trying to find a way to lure him out and finish him off completely in a very disgraceful may?

Caution oh...make your brother open him eye and brain well well ooh