₦airaland Forum

You need to forgive yourself. No man is perfect, the moment you realize this the better for everyone.

First of all, am not in support of what your husband did, but taking it to this extent is uncalled for.

Deep down, you need a man and you know it. Don't listen to these girls who don't know the value of marriage or have a broken home. Forgive yourself, forgive your husband and return home.

In Nigeria, it's a man's world. Take my advice now before it becomes too late

This is by far the best answer I've read in a long time

Fahvvy:
How do you forgive him?
By forgiving him na ...

Marriage is not relationship o that you can brezz in and out as you wish ...
Marriage will test and stretch you farther than anything else will ..

On a more serious note...
It's clear and glaring that you don't consider yourself as a team? ...

Let's look at your write up ...

I have always helped him in his house projects,might not be much 100k,50k,20k when need be,I never siphoned my money to myself,as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head,(3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that "we" should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it,( just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller."we" did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

So even when "two have become one" you still act as if you guys are not a team ...

The only time the word "we" appeared there, it was because it was suggested by your hubby ...

So while he sees you guys as a team, you see yourself as competitors ...

Until you change your mindset, it's best you don't go back ...

I'm not trying to excuse your hubby's actions, however, if you intend to go back with this mindset of unforgiveness, disunity and distrust, just be prepared for everyday quarrel ...

And that too will affect your kids ...

Firstly, your husband messed up big time.
However, you've destroyed your home forever due to ego and lack of patience.
I am 100% sure your husband will live 20yrs longer if you guys don't get back together but if he naively take you back, he'll die before his time.
You're a big time trouble maker. You're considering to go back to him not because you've forgiven him or love him because of a your children... in other words, you're going back just to use him as a father placeholder for your children.
The man has used everything to beg you even his father came from the village but it's not enough punishment just because you want to flex your muscle of being the richer one between you two.
All I can sense is a selfish and egotistic woman, I pray your children shouldn't take after you, if not that man will live the remaining of his live being miserable.
I pray you don't go back to him and God gives him a better woman to help him live longer.

Ok12345:
Very toxic and egoistic family.

The man will leave a lonely sad life if he continues like this.

@Ok12345....I must say everything about you is in order....beauty with bran. The only lady that hit the nail on the head. Others ka sa ma de

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.

I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...

Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.

3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.


My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.

How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.

No insult please, I have cried enough.

That man is extremely lucky you packed and left by yourself. He's better off without you.

Registeredguest:
I'm a lady in my mid- twenties, I got married aged 22, (always wanted to marry early) on the second year of our marriage we were blessed with a baby, parked to our house and things were rosy. I have always been a workaholic due to that I have never lack as a young lady in terms of finance.

I have always helped him in his house projects, might not be much 100k, 50k, 20k when need be. I never siphoned my money to myself, as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head, (3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that we should buy it together, I told him no, I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it, (just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller.we did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

After some weeks, I decided to dig around his phone then I discovered that the account I sent the 600k to, refunded 200k back to my husband, woke him up instantly I demanded for an explanation.he story no make sense. I was heartbroken, for months I was hurt...the two families got involved and settled the issue.money I no see...

Ever since this issue happened,the home has not been peaceful, fighting everyday. I find it so difficult to forgive him. I insult him, he insults me, he broke my phone, I break his door...I was demanded for an apology he says
"I'm his wife, no be today man dey collect him wife money, he say woman go build house for him husband no ear no go hear" those things hurt me more... everyday was fight, I parked out,I went to my sister's place,he didn't call, he didn't reach out.

3 weeks after I parked I discovered I was pregnant,and informed him immediately through text.i stayed at my sister's place for 2 months no word from him... I decide to rent my own place,I rented a place and went to his house to park my remaining stuff,I meet him home,as soon as he sees I came with a truck to park my things he knelt down and started begging me...I was like,na today I commot for your house why now? He say he think say I dey play, he no think say I serious like this,for good two months you didn't say anything why now...with enough dragging I parked my things to my new rented apartment... since the day I park till now this man has not allowed me rest,his family members has been calling me to come back home, his dad came from the village to plead on his behalf.


My dad is insisting I should not go back...I'm now 6 months pregnant ,I need a father in my children's life.im finding it difficult to forgive him,I'm struggling within myself to forgive and trust this man again.

How can I let go of the past and move back with him...I decided to pay him a visit on Friday,he was happy I came,he did everything possible to show me he has changed but that feeling of betrayal and hurt is there.i left there this morning with querrell,I know I started the querrell,but I can't just seem to forgive him.please I need your help and advice on this pressing issue of mine.

No insult please, I have cried enough.

you self, your mind Strong oooo, you break up all because of 200k, can you put your hand on your chest and say that you are a saint.

missimelda01:
Marriage counselor isonu

All you did was blame her and saw nothing wrong in what her husband did. Did you provide a reasonable solution? No

You can give your opinion but stop deceiving yourself by saying you're a marriage counselor.

I wanted to say something but I will just let it go......

Karleb:
This one is not a serious human being.

The man is begging, you are doing shakara. Wait until he marries another lady.

my brother the thing weak me....who wan carry woman with pikin for house?

Riverrun:
Though you said no insult, I am sorry I would still insult you. YOU ARE A FOOLISH WOMAN.

If I was your husband, the day you packed out is the day the marriage ends for real. So when your children grow and ask you why you left their father then you open your mouth to say this nonsense you wrote up there.

Just imagine this rubbish, what your husband did was business though as family he was not supposed to add something in your case.
But all the same, the 200k he collected is still in the family.

Your husband does things for you with his money, this is normal to you.
Him benefiting from your money should not be a reason for you to throw tantrums. If you check well how he spent the money you will still see that more than 60% of that money was consumed by you directly or indirectly.

You go about disgracing your family for paltry sum. Something that can be resolved in-house, now everyone knows how wicked, unforgiving and stingy you are that even your husband had to lie to get something from you.

You are pregnant now you remember your children needs a father in their life. Why don't your money play the role of a father?

See if you know you are coming back without forgetting that matter totally you better remain where you are. Don't come and give that man headache. The poor man must have thought he married a help meet.

Infact you are vexing me, go.

I hope this woman reads this beautiful but blunt response with humility because this is a hard truth that will help you at this stage.
If you want everything to turn out find now, just go and beg your husband for moving out of the house and for finding it difficult to forgive him. The reverse phycology thing is that your husband will breakdown in tear and genuinely be remorseful to see how much pain he has caused you. Your marriage will be healed this way. You will both be happy and revive your love for each other again. It's all in your hands!!

RealTrump:
I beg, dishonesty is all d same. Nothing stops a child who inflate book prices from staging his own kidnap

Yeah it's the same but e get levels

Riverrun:
Though you said no insult, I am sorry I would still insult you. YOU ARE A FOOLISH WOMAN.

If I was your husband, the day you packed out is the day the marriage ends for real. So when your children grow and ask you why you left their father then you open your mouth to say this nonsense you wrote up there.

Just imagine this rubbish, what your husband did was business though as family he was not supposed to add something in your case.
But all the same, the 200k he collected is still in the family.

Your husband does things for you with his money, this is normal to you.
Him benefiting from your money should not be a reason for you to throw tantrums. If you check well how he spent the money you will still see that more than 60% of that money was consumed by you directly or indirectly.

You go about disgracing your family for paltry sum. Something that can be resolved in-house, now everyone knows how wicked, unforgiving and stingy you are that even your husband had to lie to get something from you.

You are pregnant now you remember your children needs a father in their life. Why don't your money play the role of a father?

See if you know you are coming back without forgetting that matter totally you better remain where you are. Don't come and give that man headache. The poor man must have thought he married a help meet.

Infact you are vexing me, go.

I hope this woman reads this beautiful but blunt response with humility because this is a hard truth that will help her at this stage.
If you want everything to turn out fine now, just go and beg your husband for moving out of house and for finding it difficult to forgive him. The reverse phycology thing is that your husband will breakdown in tear to see how much pain he has caused you. Your marriage will healed this way. You will both be happy and revive your love each other. It's all in your hands!!

Rozross:
You readily forgive those you love without a doubting spirit. You are kind of toxic, even me that like trouble dont know how to keep grudges, before the next day as e long reach, i've forgotten that we even had issues. Marriage isnt relationship, learn to accept your partner's flaws and weaknesses and forgive them each time their weaknesses is taking it's toll on them. This one isn't even a big issue sef, its you who has been complicating things. He's sorry and begging you for forgiveness and you still dont want to forgive him, what else do you want? His head? Abeg work on your unforgiven spirit.

You just said it all. The woman is very toxic. She's treating her husband like a boyfriend and her marriage like an ordinary relationship with no commitments. Haba all these because the father of your children who paid your dowry spent just your 200k? The poor man never had a wife.

advanceDNA:
Tables have turned.....this is something women do on a normal day but they cant take it..... thank God you are doing well...enjoy yourself ....you dont need a husband anyway

She doesn't need a husband truly. God forbid. I thank God for my wife. Na woman she bi.

bestdudes:
Someone's trust is broken and you think she is toxic. You don't know that there are people who don't joke with their trust. I don't forgive people who break my trust, even if it is 10 years time... i will always remember what u did any moment i see your face or name.

E no go better for trust. A friend was gisting me recently about how his wife saved money from their monthly upkeep (which was barely enough) and loaned him part of it when he went flat broke. Guess what, after things stabilised, he paid her back! Imagine that. His own money o. This man told this story with a big grin on his face. E reach woman turn, family scatter. I say again, e no go better for trust.

Please, forgive and let go

MufasaLion:
You don't need such a stupid, lazy, insensitive and selfish man in your life or your kids'. Move on and continue to provide for yourself and your kids. He abandoned you for months and was trying to manipulate you emotionally when you went to pack things, don't be deceived.

Don't let his family's plead to deceive you. That man can never change. That's his personality and once you go back and deliver that baby, you will be trapped!

You can do well without him! Marriage is not an achievement. There are many successful people in the world raised by single mothers. Don't let the society define your happiness!

Lol but she should allow you to define her happiness right?

MufasaLion:
You don't need such a stupid, lazy, insensitive and selfish man in your life or your kids'. Move on and continue to provide for yourself and your kids. He abandoned you for months and was trying to manipulate you emotionally when you went to pack things, don't be deceived.

Don't let his family's plead to deceive you. That man can never change. That's his personality and once you go back and deliver that baby, you will be trapped!

You can do well without him! Marriage is not an achievement. There are many successful people in the world raised by single mothers. Don't let the society define your happiness!

How is your home adviser, I realize most of our problems come from social media

Registeredguest:
I have cried enough.

no worry my dear, ur problem just begin. 200k only, u leave ur matrimonial home. Why u go even check him fone?

Romanoff:
She is not toxic. Her concerns are valid and no two human is the same.

Just cause it will be easy for you to forgive such dishonesty doesn't mean it will be easy for her.
With a husband that can scam you like that, who needs an enemy? A wife that has always supported you and is equally hardworking. What is in common 200k that he still had to scam her for?

They sha both need counselling to get past this, it won't be easy but it's doable.

That trust has been broken already so after this, going forward, please, have your own savings as you contribute to the home and family projects and keep receipts.

Next land or property you'll buy, inform him about it, carry him along but source for your own agent yourself to avoid situations like this.

The trust can't be the same again sha, but na to dey manage the situation and to avoid such in the future.

The woman doesn't need a husband. She only needs a father figure for her children..She can just rent one.

This one never mature before e marry o. Yes what he did was wrong but if you really tell me that you are destroying your marriage because of 200k , then well you should have gotten married in the first place

advanceDNA:
Its her money at the end of the day....so she has a right to be angry....but ending her marriage over this is a bit of an overkill

Many of us did it to our parents ....
My babe does it to me irregularly...

Don't mind selfish women. They do it alot to men but they can't take

If u like u listen to this one advice, "iku pa e" (U are dead)

MufasaLion:
You don't need such a stupid, lazy, insensitive and selfish man in your life or your kids'. Move on and continue to provide for yourself and your kids. He abandoned you for months and was trying to manipulate you emotionally when you went to pack things, don't be deceived.

Don't let his family's plead to deceive you. That man can never change. That's his personality and once you go back and deliver that baby, you will be trapped!

You can do well without him! Marriage is not an achievement. There are many successful people in the world raised by single mothers. Don't let the society define your happiness!

redseason:
Most sensible comment!
Your husband’s sin is stealing from his wife. It’s shameful cos it’s like stealing from your own self! That aside;
You never saw yourself as part of his team. You wanted to conceal your selfishness, but the self in you still could not be totally masked. You could glorify the occasional 100k, 50k, 20k you put in the house project. Mama, you are not the first! And fyi, in terms of ratio, your contribution will most definitely amount to less than 5% of entire project cost. A modest 3 bedroom house will gulf at least 15m.
So many missing dots; is the family house solely in his name or your both names, because I now wonder the rationale you wanted something solely on your name alone? Has this husband been a provider or a deadbeat? Who bought your car? Have you ever misappropriated funds he gave to you? Got married at 22, did you move into his house with money or he set you up?

I swear, I read the post and became annoyed, her husband brought a suggestion about a landed property, but she instead hijacked the deal because she has her own money, and even went ahead to leave her marital home for common 200K without considering how much the man spent on her head as a wife...!! What an egocentric attitude from her

She willingly left the house with the notion that the man must come begging and when he disappointed her expectations, she took it a step further by leaving finally, Omo...This aunty just destroyed her family and marriage just because of 200K...

We once supplied goods to a lady, but before them, the husband told us to add extra 100K ontop our original price for him which we did...when the lady (his wife) found out, she just smiled and told the husband "Honey, don't worry, I know how to get my money back from you" and the matter ended like that...

This is a similar case with this OP, I can only imagine OP as a very stingy lady with the mindset of "Your money is our money but my money is for me alone"

I'm even surprised the whole community is begging her and she's forming stronghead, as if she's doing the man a favour by being his wife, If I were in the man's shoes, if I beg her make thunder fire me... I will just collect my children and move on...

Your husband see beta land , say make una buy , you say no , you want am for yourself and he duly obliged you .
So now you don't see 200 k as reasonable " agent fee " for a piece of land that he sourced around for with the family in mind that you wanted for yourself only ? A land you acquired with genuine papers ? With no omo onile wahala ? Why does your hubby even think 200,000 is enough compensation for the hurt and bruised ego that'll come with the feeling of knowing he was side stepped by his own wife in years to come ?
A man builds a house with his sweat , " OUR HOUSE "
A man acquires a car , "OUR CAR " , now look at what you did with the tables turned .You should have opted not to buy that particular parcel of land at all instead of saying you want it for you alone .I might not be making my point clear enough here , but the home belongs to the woman . You can either keep your home or let it go the way it's heading . Your move .

We should peel yam for u.
Aunty with chest.


Watching black adam no disturb me b4 nepa take light. U have money, 200k u turn house up side down.

U are hurt.

MufasaLion:
Imagine the trash you wrote. Stop justifying a breach of trust!

Are you a perfect being? Have you always told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Hypocrites

Rozross:
You readily forgive those you love without a doubting spirit. You are kind of toxic, even me that like trouble dont know how to keep grudges, before the next day as e long reach, i've forgotten that we even had issues. Marriage isnt relationship, learn to accept your partner's flaws and weaknesses and forgive them each time their weaknesses is taking it's toll on them. This one isn't even a big issue sef, its you who has been complicating things. He's sorry and begging you for forgiveness and you still dont want to forgive him, what else do you want? His head? Abeg work on your unforgiven spirit.

She dey make me angry sef... Make the husband die na... She go forget am Abi... Everybody don beg her wetin she want again... Make she go find another na

advanceDNA:
Tables have turned.....this is something women do on a normal day but they cant take it..... thank God you are doing well...enjoy yourself ....you dont need a husband anyway

Lolzzz... She come dey form angel here... Man don beg am family join ... What else again...

You seriously embarrassed your own husband because of 200k haba,

What do you want to do with the land you purchase all to yourself, wow most of you are married but are not really married. You forgot that both of you are one now?

You need to understand what's the meaning of marriage. You lack common sense.

You allow your flesh to control you, now you have told your siblings and parents and family members how weak, stupid, and wayward your husband is, what's your gain now?

You should be the one begging your husband.

God is not happy with you sweetie, learn to make your marriage work, you have seriously embarrassed your own husband in and out.

I feel so sorry for you.

Revolution2022:
Her husband is a middleman in the land deal.What if the wife went elsewhere to purchase a land and she was dupe?She go report to her husband to help her recover her money back Shey?
Registeredguest

It will even be worse for the husband...the story wud have been the husband connived with fraudsters to defraud her of her hard earn cash

Fahvvy:
How do you forgive him?
By forgiving him na ...

Marriage is not relationship o that you can brezz in and out as you wish ...
Marriage will test and stretch you farther than anything else will ..

On a more serious note...
It's clear and glaring that you don't consider yourself as a team? ...

Let's look at your write up ...

I have always helped him in his house projects,might not be much 100k,50k,20k when need be,I never siphoned my money to myself,as a young lady I envisioned my pretty little family on my head,(3 children, handsome husband and pretty wife with a fine car living happily)

Now to the main problem,I think it all started when he told me he has seen a genuine plot of land that "we" should buy it together,I told him no,I want the land all by myself I have money to pay for it,( just want to have something tangible for myself alone) he said no problem.He sent me an account number of the seller I sent 600k to the seller."we" did the necessary documents and everyone was happy.

So even when "two have become one" you still act as if you guys are not a team ...

The only time the word "we" appeared there, it was because it was suggested by your hubby ...

So while he sees you guys as a team, you see yourself as competitors ...

Until you change your mindset, it's best you don't go back ...

I'm not trying to excuse your hubby's actions, however, if you intend to go back with this mindset of unforgiveness, disunity and distrust, just be prepared for everyday quarrel ...

And that too will affect your kids ...

I don't understand why a man will be begging this kind of wife. Spot on

Persephone1:
You mistake me for your mother

Says the obese community whoré