₦airaland Forum

Women are becoming bolder.

Life2020:
U are very wise
I thought about that and I have made up my mind that I'm not going to marry again, at least not till my girls are grown up.
I have heard stories about girls being sexually abused or even physical abused, I don't want my girls to grow up in that type of environment.
I might have a few date here and there but let's see because my girls will always be first.
Honestly I want to hear his side of the story because I'm honestly curious to hear his own side of the story.

Clears throat
Taking care of your children yourself is quite dangerous and it's achievable but most single parents don't really train them well,if there's 100,90% don't do well
In life, there are ways to solve issues diplomatically either physically or spiritually

Chasing him out won't solve anything

Every parents has a role to play in the life of their children e dey get stages,when the father's stage comes,you as a mother can't do that and as a girls,boys or men wey dey find prey can easily devour them, the way a man will handle issues is quite different from you ladies .. find a way to involve families

I no dey like talk divorce when there's no violence, stay with ur husband and solve issues, since no sex but let everyone be like a flatmate(don'tgive or borrow him money or anything and don't keep money where he could steal or take it) , one day he will come around.. don't follow advice or wrong ones cause at the end of the day..IT'S JUST YOU THAT WILL FACE THE CONSEQUENCES...

I suggest you involve the families first (yours and his)

Tell them if their son doesn't change,you will file for a divorce and move on... tell the families your mind

Dating men or having male friends is risky o

Some men no get brain at all

And una be women and easily deceived, b4 u start dating and the guy might prey on ur kids...


I'm sure you know how the world is now

Think very well, this life is not a bed of Roses neither is marriage... if u think front,think back too.. it's not as it seems,I can do like this and like this,go here and do this or that( but in doing it, u will see the difficulties)

I DIDN'T SAY SOME WOMEN OR MEN CAN'T BRING UP THEIR CHILDREN ALONE O

WHAT I AM SAYING IS SMALL PERCENTAGES GETS THE CHILDREN TO COME UP RIGHT AND HAVE A BETTER MINDSET

nawa, God I pray today and just as I have been praying and struggling everyday, make me to be sufficient financially before marriage, and even if I get to marry a woman who is more stable financially than me, I pray she should be the understanding type not the one that will remind me if things she does for me

VeryWickedGoat:
1. You be worwor mgbeke
2. Thought you women claim to be good advisers?
3. You need a big prick to calm you down this period

DM me.

Hahahahhahah

Wahala!

Life2020:
U are very wise
I thought about that and I have made up my mind that I'm not going to marry again, at least not till my girls are grown up.
I have heard stories about girls being sexually abused or even physical abused, I don't want my girls to grow up in that type of environment.
I might have a few date here and there but let's see because my girls will always be first.
Honestly I want to hear his side of the story because I'm honestly curious to hear his own side of the story.

I am much available for your emotional support, in terms of guidance, counseling, dating and romance.
You can dm.

Shalommy:
Chaii.. Maybe that man is a nairalander. They have nothing to offer than sex.

So you have been going aroumd having sex with men on nairaland for you to know is only what they can offer

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

Ma in all you're doing, please seek God's face. Let Him guide you. I know cheating partner and an irresponsible one at that, is difficult to cope with. But please, let God saturate your thoughts before you take any further action.

Ps. I don't know if you're a Christian.

PlayMaker14:
If I get you correctly, you said you need emotional support as you chase the father of your beautiful kids out of the house....

Alright, we will give you all the emotional support you need dear.

Nairaland kids.

DadaHammed:
Nairaland kids.

Ancestors.... Weldone.

Utespy:
Wahala.
I wish all you wrote is true. If yes, then move on.
I would have advised you to make amendments, but with another child from a woman outside is a NO.

Move on dear. Enjoy life while it lasts.

ordinary one child only..... What has this world turned to? Men can't have as many children as they want anymore in this country again?

Madam I advice you seek the face of God towards this instead. Just pray to God for God to change him, and gradually he will.

I am a civil engineer ma, you can contact me when you want to start that your building project as we Will give you quality design and construction. Call or WhatsApp 08131952353

Marry to Jesus and live like one without husband... But don't kick him out.
Just do your thing like a single mom that ur husband has already made you to be.

Kobonaire234:
1. Would you say the same if she was a man and his wife had gotten pregnant out side the home.

2.I am not a fan of broken homes...but the man broke the home himself by playing away game. If she stays, chances are the guy will go and score another goal elsewhere.....

The man has broken his home. It is sad that some men, and let's be fair women...don't hear word. Marriage is apparently just a piece of paper, that means nothing.


p.s

i know one guy whose mother took the advice you gave. The man abandoned her eventually...and left her to bring up four kids alone. The guy does not like his father (and no, his mother taught them to respect their dad no matter what...the guy however felt that the dad abandoned them)....and has refused to have nothing to do with him.

PS 2

I know that you will say that I am being pro-woman. I am not. I just can't stand anyone, man or woman, who makes a promise, before God and man, and sometimes before the gods , to stay married to a woman or a man, and then procceds to break it. The man broke his home. Let him suffer the consequences of a broken home


PS 3

And the thing is, children know. They know. THEY KNOW.

The problem is that men of nowadays have so lowered their tolerance level and their level of understanding too.

What do you think “marriage is not a bed of roses” means?

What does “for better for for worse” mean to you?

I’m not excusing the man - God forbid I do that - but I don’t think it’s the right thing to be advising women to leave their marriage at the slightest excuse.

If we take that route then no one will stay married.

And in this scenario, the man is remorseful, the woman even said he has reduced his philandering and has been home more frequently until he confessed to impregnating a girl.

So what if the man wanted to take a second wife?

VeryWickedGoat:
1. You be worwor mgbeke 2. Thought you women claim to be good advisers? 3. You need a big prick to calm you down this period
DM me.

Eleribu

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

I pray you find peace with whatever decision you make. Wishing you all the best.

Life2020:
U are very wise
I thought about that and I have made up my mind that I'm not going to marry again, at least not till my girls are grown up.
I have heard stories about girls being sexually abused or even physical abused, I don't want my girls to grow up in that type of environment.
I might have a few date here and there but let's see because my girls will always be first.
Honestly I want to hear his side of the story because I'm honestly curious to hear his own side of the story.

Potential sugar mommy. Make sure say you be better one o. So that boys go smile. The country hard

PlayMaker14:
Ancestors.... Weldone.

How old are you? If Nairaland is a house, I see you one of the kids jumping on the sofa and breaking appliances with recklessness.

See yourself that way and stop trolling, it gets into your subconscious and destroys you poco-a-poco. I've been there before. Learn.

Life2020, please for the sake of your children allow the marriage to work despite his short comings. I want to believe that he doesn't happen you physically, and he is not abusive to both you and your girls.
Give him serious warning and see if he will change.

Life2020:
Hi, first I want to thank you all for your advise the last time i was here.

The last time I brought up my problems here, I vented out about how my husband is being a total pain in the ass.

The problem is one, he's cheating on me with several girls and still want to have sex with me but i refused stating that until he does a full STD test we are not having sex, simply put i need to Know that he is STD free before we have sex again.

Two, he's never at home, sometimes for two weeks he stays in hostels with girls, partying and spending his money, at first i tried to understand him because we did marry young, i felt that maybe he misses having his Independence, so at first i said nothing until it got worse. I now feel like a single mom, i do everything, the children don't even know anything about their dad, they see him as a stranger now, he's always cool towards them and i don't like it, have told him several times that i want the children to bound with him, i need them to have a good relationship with their father and have even advised him to take them out, maybe to a theme park or anything really but he has refused stating that he's busy.

Thirdly he body shames me, telling me that i look like a clown, I'm fit, it's not like I'm dirty or anything i take care of myself, i know he's lying because i have admirers, like a lot of them, ever since i started making money and could afford to employ workers, i have done everything to make myself look good, i go to the gym, do facials and i make sure I look beautiful, honestly I don't know what's wrong with him.

I have come to the conclusion that he is only saying it to be mean to me, maybe as a means of control, honestly i think he thinks if he makes me feel less than i am, to make me think i have no where else to go.

Thirdly when we first got married, we both agreed that he will go to the university first then later, i will also attend, after finishing his university education he couldn't find a job so i gave him two of my lands to start a business, he because successful in the business and his now lavishing the money. I have a farming business, it's very successful, with it i have many lands and i built the home me and my husband live in, ever since he started making money i advised him to build his own house but he has refused, instead he bought a fancy car, i want to build an estate so that i can have another source for revenue but for one reason or other, my husband is advising me against it.

Now back to me wanting to attend the university, i want to study accounting so that i can take my business to a new level but my husband has refused saying that he wants more babies, we already have twins (two lovely girls). i told him later, after I finish my university degree and our girls are a little bit older, we will have more kids

Now back to the present day, have decided I'm kicking my husband out. Recently, I noticed he was always at home, I was happy but surprised, I thought he had changed. I decided we need to spend time together as a family, I was even planning on us going on a vacation, give my children a life I wasn't opportune to live, I talked to him about it, we made plans, he agreed to go for a full STD test. I was happy
little did I know that my so called husband has fathered another child outside our marriage, he told me this himself, saying all sorts of nonsense on how I should advise the girl to abort it so that we can be one big happy family, I just looked at him, I haven't said anything to him in days. But I have decided that I'm kicking him out. I want to do this in a way that it doesn't affect my children, I really want them to build a relationship with their dad but as for me I clocked out of this marriage a long time ago.

I was advised by my a friend to make a video while I kick him out but I'm not going to do, he's till the father of my child, and I don't want my children to grow up and find those videos
honestly I just need emotional support while I go through this divorce.

its actually time to end that marriage, the worst thing that a spouse can do to u is to look down on you,he's toxic!u should have noticed earlier on but I guess u felt he'll change. End the marriage quickly before he harms u though, that's my advice for u

DadaHammed:
How old are you? If Nairaland is a house, I see you one of the kids jumping on the sofa and breaking appliances with recklessness.

See yourself that way and stop trolling, it gets into your subconscious and destroys you poco-a-poco. I've been there before. Learn.

Dear ancient of days, are you done?

Kingcalls:
That will still cheat on her ...this time , might add beating and stealing her money to it.... most of u women are very bad advisers ... did u consider the effect on her girls

It is always the negative aspect you men preach about when an action and decision is against you, the positive aspects always escapes your brain

Is it all divorced women that go through the nonsense you typed? The mumu husband that cheated first didn't think of the effect his action will cause his kids, na the woman turn you remember say there are effects abi? Didn't you see where Op said she doesn't plan to marry anytime soon? You are a terrible person not fit to advice anyone.

Penguin2:
The problem is that men of nowadays have so lowered their tolerance level and their level of understanding too.

Then one should not get married, if one is not effing ready to be tolerant.

What do you think “marriage is not a bed of roses” means?

What does “for better for for worse” mean to you?

It obviously did not mean anything to the man in this story. Two kids even, and he goes and plays away game because 'tolerance'.

I’m not excusing the man - God forbid I do that - but I don’t think it’s the right thing to be advising women to leave their marriage at the slightest excuse.

Yes, she should stay, till the man informs her of his tenth child from the fourth, or is it seventh woman.

If we take that route then no one will stay married.

Well there are men who get married, and grow up. I intend to be one of them. No away games for me. Not at the expense of familial peace.

And in this scenario, the man is remorseful, the woman even said he has reduced his philandering and has been home more frequently until he confessed to impregnating a girl.

Yes he is remorseful...but the consequences of his sin lives on after him. (And if you think that his children or wife are going to tolerate another woman's child...or that he would be as forgiving if OP went and got pregnant outside their marriage...better think again).

So what if the man wanted to take a second wife?

He should have done like one former fiance of a woman my mum knew...and told his wife when they were still doing boyfriend girlfriend. The woman..my mama's pal, said that she did not want to live in a polygamous home, so they broke up...today they both have what they wanted and are happy.(And the guy was 'perfect' so to speak).

If he wanted to be polygamous...he should have said so from the word go...maybe the woman would have not married him self. And maybe we won't be reading this story.

PlayMaker14:
Dear ancient of days, are you done?

If you don pass 20 years with this your trolling, I'm sorry you are officially a waste. E go take like 50 years for your brain to organize wella again.

Your mates dey build apps, techs and webs, you dey waste your life for Nairaland dey troll. E don bizzle for you.

nkwuocha:
If you don't leave that marriage now, you will definitely regret it later.

Build your life,divorce him please.

Go back to school.
There are so many divorced men, widowed men who are well to do and can start life all over married.
You Nigerian ladies should stop living a do die marriage life.

Ment!

Life2020:
Omo, he didn't change, it's all pretence
I have made my decision and about me being a single mom, I'm used to it, what part of he is never around don't u get.
So because he came and spend little time with his own children, i should forgive him.
Some people are even advising me to pay the side chick off, for what. Please I'm not that desperate for a man.

My children don't even no him, they barely see him, for the past 6 years I have been alone, I can't remember the last time I felt loved in this marriage. I just want him to be present for his children, I don't know if I can get that in court, I'm down for shared custody, or multiple visitation dates.

I can't continue to beg for a man affection, I don't want my daughters to think this is how a woman should be treated.
I need to set an example for them, I love my children, if he had been present for them, maybe I would have changed my mind and not divorce him for the sake of my children but nop he's never there.
What ever he wants to do with his side chick pregnancy is his business.
If he wants to marry her, I will happy support the marriage like I said I clocked out of this marriage Months ago

Begging a man for affection, some people are saying I should check myself, I really need to check myself for tolerating him.

cap go dey no head to wear it,head go dey no cap to wear,if this story is true I need a supportive woman

Congratulations for allowing your friends mess up your marriage, your home may be next.
Wait small for the advise you seek, not from me tho.
Just make sure you vote for Peter Obi next year, so your adorable girls won't fall for someone like him, or drug addicts.

Peace be upon you.

Imagine, what many men are praying for is what a mumu of a guy played with. This woman never chased him out before now. That is what the guy needs to reset his brain. The woman didn't know that more silly stuff will come. That's why you don't pamper stupidity. Chase him out of your house legally by involving govt walfare Dept. or get lady lawyers association. This will ensure he is responsible to his children.
There are things you don't tolerate. A temporary chasing out will make him choose between your family or his wrong deals. It's called separation, different from divorce.
See mumu man that should team up with his industrious wife and have many wins.

Allisgud:
cap go dey no head to wear it,head go dey no cap to wear,if this story is true I need a supportive woman

I see what you're trying to do there.

DadaHammed:
If you don pass 20 years with this your trolling, I'm sorry you are officially a waste. E go take like 50 years for your brain to organize wella again.

Your mates dey build apps, techs and webs, you dey waste your life for Nairaland dey troll. E don bizzle for you.

Lol, see the f0olish hypocrite saying someone is trolling.... What are you actually doing now? Is this not trolling in a hypocritical way?

Let me ask you, what have you build so far apart from being a bloody hypocrite in the forum.... My mates have built apps, what have you done with your life?

Bloody hypocrite looking for LIKES.

U must be older than him,post ur picture let me see,that guy only have sense when he is in broke mode

You want to build an estate? Madam LAMBA