₦airaland Forum

hardon1:
For me o, am just wondering why a wife would not kiss her husband during love making. People wey no love themselves even kiss passionately during sex. Let alone husband and wife

Mouth odour

Poor sex drive?

She is cheating?

It's well bro...

YOU really need help.🧐
Any of these points could be of help...

1. Depends on age of your children, set them apart and start sleeping together.

2. Start to Pray together.

3. Engage in family devotions.

4. Set up family altar (*CONSULT ME AND MY SQUAD FOR THIS*)

5. Enter into conversation with her and talk sessions

6. Take a time out, plan a date or trip together.

7. Buy her a gift she cherishes so much.

8. Visit her working place, find out her best friend (s) and use him/her.

9. Find out and enquire more into why she acts in those manners.

10. Seek godly counsel.

11. Set up a smart spy ( on her.

12. Work on her weaknesses, you may use it against her (if she persists)

13. Take some time to check when and where you laid a wrong foundation, antecedents and built on it. (Maybe you married her based on frivolous features like height, complexion, dress code, beauty, ascent, steps), instead of character, crave, training, loyalty, background etc.

14. Make a phone call to her family especially a more responsible person.

15. Touch what makes her fear most.

Dogalmighty17:
Your situation sounds just exactly like mine. I have never believed in divorce. But God knows I have been pushed to the wall. I won't tell you to be patient and understanding. I know that for you to make this post now shows how deeply pained you are.
At the end of the day, the question we should all ask ourselves is this: Is marriage worth it?

I am married sir and I can tell you from experience that marriage favors women more than men.
Women are mysterious, they can't be totally understood. Their motives are deeply concealed in marriage, they only show you what they want you to see.

skillmyman:
Op.
Marriage requires wisdom. Glad you said your wife has some good parts.
For the food part, let the nanny continue to make the food. It is obvious she does not like cooking so you can relieve her that job role.
At least you are sure of your meals and let the nanny have a timetable of food you want.

Sex can be an uphill task especially if you live in lagos that you are in traffic an avg of 6 hrs a day so it can probably be once a week.

The truth also is that some women lose their appetite for sex after having children. Whatever the case, you need to find out wat ticks your woman and put her in the mood. That is an assignment for you.
You need to also decide if your marriage is worth it without sex. Think abt it.

It is also easy for women to feel used and unappreciated because of the effort they put into the marriage. So my advice is for you to take her on vacations, help her let out steam. Let her know that her effort in the house is appreciated. Women wants affirmation so you cannot be tired of telling her your love for her

Also try n buy her little things like perfumes, lingeries, bags, shoes etc. sexy stuff frequently.

Now if all these does not work, talk to her n find out if she needs a break. The truth is that staying married can be tiring at times especially if there are unwritting rules, regulations and expectations from everyone.

A lot of people dont also appreciate what they have until they lose it.

I wish you all the best.
Buzz if you need to talk.
My 2 cents of my 23 yrs of being married.

I agree. Its easy to spot someone who has had a lot of experience in marriage.

Na today I know some nairalanders don’t have sense and most of them use textbook or Hollywood to advice people on marriage . fôolish set of people

mayo47:
But how do you know they arent married?

I know 3 out those mentioning divorce. Divorce is not an easy thing, it's better if there are no kids. OP shouldn't be selfish, he should try other method for the last time for the sake of his children.

I know the naturalist will ask you not to listen to religion one or Christians advice and you will be lucky to get the answer you need without understanding the grand truth

Follow me to Bible and see if you can make use of the truth there

Genesis 3:16
English Standard Version
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”





If you study the verse well, you will see an understanding there... That say to women that her desire shall be contrary to that of her husband, but yet you shall rule her, this is natural for all people and you knowing this shall should get you prepared if you can't teach her how both of you can jointly manage your way around this course that put her at disadvantage



Also, you need to handle with care, because you have your own curse too, and part of your curse is that you have to tilt or cultivate land before you can provide for your family, that is... It's you that suppose to get all the need of your family.. But the curse is limiting you



Sometimes the person that was curse to naturally work contrary to you and give you problem was the one sharing and footing the bill with you... Your responsibility


The issue now is that you can't divorce her and shouldn't divorce her if you're a Christian and even if you're not a Christian, God don't expect you to run away from this kind of problem.


This problem only suggest that this world isn't perfect and that the best one is hanging and imminent over there, waiting for the day of the Lord. But the faithless one won't partake.



Do not assume this is all I got about your marital problem, put this forward for you to have grand understanding of what is happening, but you know the more suitable answer is there in Spirit, you know you can't have all you need in one time now, but those who wisdom of God to solve issues must be student of the Holy Spirit and guide

Dear OP,

Personally I would say that 2 things might be the cause of the problem.

1) your wife's success has gotten into her head and her heart is elsewhere.

2) She's really isn't into you. Either she was forced to marry you or she married who's "available".

Either ways, I think you couldn't notice these traits because you had a long distance courtship.

Try this: do something that will really make her happy and relaxed, then have a deep conversation with her about your union (I recall you saying that you have talked to her but give it a last chance). If after pouring your heart to her and she doesn't give you good reasons why she's acting that way (e.g you doing something wrong in a way) and doesn't change, even after you must have involved her family, then I strongly advice you should start looking for a replacement ASAP (make sure you put your experience from your current wife in good use), and when you find one, let your wife go. Life's too short for nonsense and a man with an unhealthy home is not so far from his grave.
Treat your woman like a princess but don't fail to let her know that you have limits to rubbish. If she can be acting this way while working remotely, what will now happen when she goes to work everyday?

Most women can't handle success, and I keep telling people that the reason 98% of woman are humble to their husbands especially in Nigeria, is because he's their source of survival. Abroad stories have revealed this.

I was able to relate with a couple that the wife's has excess money than the husband and still remained loyal to him (he isn't poor either). Infact this lady is a chain smoker, and I have never liked ladies that smoke but relating with their family, proved to me that character is truly the beauty of a woman.

Lastly, to every successful woman that's got her loyalty to her partner and family together, you are the real MVP!

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Bros I feel you, buh the devil is a liar,

My Advice is this, you wanted her to change for good, convert, a room and keep it out of bounds,

Make that same room your war Room, where only you can enter, write what you want, paste it on the wall of the room, every day, choose a more suitable time to spend there, read your Bible and pray, Asking God for the changes you need for her,

As an example, go and watch the movie War-room

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Sorry bro, when the shege reach the breaking point, u will know what to do.

Sit her down and talk it own


Men clothing wholesale deal

Please explain everything you type here to your pastor I mean the church she serves in various unit and one thing I notice is that both of you did not pass through any counselling session in the church before getting married a lot is missing in your marriage and its unbuilt on solid foundation, also her parent need to know how she treat you as well, you can continues to stay silent why thing goes decay.

BloomingDale:
She also works, so her job workload and household chores might be too much for her. Taking care of 2 children alone can sap someone’s energy, talk more of adding cooking and house chores to it.

Tell her to split some bills with you and then you can help out with the cooking and the house chores and also looking after the children to give her a break.

Her heavy workload might also be leading to a low sex drive. An exhausted wife is an unhappy and angry wife.

Heavy workload that has no impact on the family. What is she working for? She is presently not cooking not taking care of any house chores, they have a maid for that.

.

franchasofficia:
There are a lot of things your wife doesn't like about you and it seems she knew those things before you guys got married but she just had to marry you for marrying sake maybe cos you pestered her a lot.



This is why I dont advice guys to marry ladies below 27yrs.



You married your wife when she was 23 so she didn't enjoy her girlie period much and she jumped into wifely and mummy roles which killed her joy side.



The truth is, she has falling out of love with you completely and she is wishing you were a kind of man or men she probably sees in her Church or workplace or on TV lol.





Its an unfortunate situation.


Guys stop marrying girls, marry ladies.

no lie bros was ur mum 27 upwards wen got married to ur dad?u see ehn d issue is not age,wife wey want good go good even if d op married are at 40 sef

seanwilliam:
well; from this submission, you’re very very wrong and it shows you’ve never been married or coordinated people before. Someone is dropping over 90% of his income which amounts to 98% of financial needs of the house just to give the family the best and you’re here telling him to still do all that ? Are you just dumb or what?

Fine, let’s agree she’s ‘too tired ‘ for sex, is she too tired to cook food too? Or to instruct the maid to cook ?

Why are you so dumb and inconsiderate ? Do u even know how much of emotional pains he’s going through to resort to coming on here?


He said the maid does 90% of house chores to extend of deciding what the kids will eat , I ask you , what exactly is the wife doing ? What is she contributing?

Is the op not going through any stress too? Why must he be the only one sacrificing his money and comfort for the family ? What’s the essence of such marriage?

You’re saying what the op is doing is not a big deed , ohh, can you sacrifice 95% of your money and comfort for your family ?

Hypocrisy of the highest order.



Funnily enough , at old age, their children will still celebrate the the wife more than the op. So what’s the benefit?
If the op is lacking in some aspects, why can’t she call his attention to it or you expect the man to be as perfect as an angel?

She’s an adult, should communication be a problem for her? Why are you justifying bad behavior? You sounding like kobojunkie.

a woman that is making 800k a month and you still want her to cook everyday or let me say you still want her to give her husband food everyday? Are you normal at all?
Even Op is complaining that she doesnt wash his clothes. Common man in 2023?
You people see women as machine in that shithole country.
Somebody that is still nurturing a baby. Have you child minded or baby sitted before and still add 800 k per month hustle to it. If they born Op well make e divorce the wife na im loose. 800k x12 with 2 kids she would ball hard. She wants a bright future for her kids.

Let both parties work as equal partners. There is no work reserved for any gender.

Kobojunkie:
1. Have you tried marriage counseling in your case? Leave God alone as God has no hand in your marriages. It is silly to say you don't believe in divorce given that no two people were born married to themselves from the womb. Many relationships break up over time and there is nothing wrong with that. Divorce is not meant to be believed in. It is instead meant to accepted if the conditions demand it.
2. Marriage is not the issue. The problem is that when you have two human beings involved in a relationship, it can go either way. The moment you accept that fact, you gain relationship wisdom.

If you're the marriage counselor, you will be in for a very long thing... How can you tell someone to leave God alone in his marriage? How can you advice someone to consider divorcing his wife when he already told you that he doesn't believe in divorce?
There is no good counselor anywhere, but God. He is the originator of marriage and holds the key to any marriage problem.
Every manufacturer of a product gives DIRECTION FOR USE in his products to guide the product user. His address is also written on the product label. It is a way of telling every user of his product, if you have any further issue with the product, ASK THE MANUFACTURER...
God made man and initiated marriage for him. He also gave him a map, a compass or a guide - the Bible. If he reads without understanding, he prays... These are the most important. The Church is also there to help... Not a marriage counselor, most of whom could not keep their marriages, some have not married at all, and at worst, do not believe in marriage....
It's only a FOOL that has said in his heart, THERE IS NO GOD...!

2dice01:
Suffering and smiling 🤩

¹ Once a week sex 🤔
² She has no Respect for you
³ Won't cook for you
⁴ She even told you if the marriage ain't working you should divorce

Yet divorce isn't an option for you 😂☺️
What exactly are you enjoying in your marriage?

Honestly, just wondering why some men are just too weak to make hard decisions.

The fact that the lady said they should dissolve the marriage shows the lady is manipulating this weak man, then after she will apologize.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

..The focus is now on training the boy child to the detriment of the girl-child.That is why we are having these issues now...We are beginning to have women who are bereft of what it means to maintain homes..Pray,why would a woman earn so much and yet not be willing to contribute to the running of the home?

Our women loves the western equality that speaks to the man and not the women.

Another thing is the issue of anger and diarrhea of the mouth that is disturbing a lot of women.. They insults their partners to no end.Forgetting that Insult is also a domestic violence.

That's why it's necessary to do proper courtship.Proper courtship can't be overemphasized.We shouldn't be afraid to let our proposed partners know our stance about issues before marriage.It is always better to end such relationship at that junction rather than wait till marriage is consumated.

Sexual compatibility is A MUST in Marriage..I am not against TASTING before marriage if that will help to validate your sexual compatibilities.Enough of the deceits that is being brandished.

I believe that your wife is overwhelmed by the humongous amount that she is earning and her young age in comparison to yours..That is the plausible reasons for her behaviors.

Orientation also matters..How does her mother treats her father at home.Have you bothered to observe this? Her constant threat to divorce should be handled timeouly.She felt that you can do without her hence that threat.You might need to tell her to go ahead with the divorce when next she brings up the issue of divorce..It is not what you should shy away from.Better to address it now that you are young rather than wait till you are too old ,feeble and no strength to make amends.

There is no one-fit approach to resolving these issues.I would suggest you sit her down as couple and ask her what is wrong with her.It is not too late to start afresh.In addition,let her know what the plans and vision that you have for her and the children.Furthermore,she has to bear a fair share of the family responsibilities.Being a man means different things...It is not necessarily carrying all the financial burdens when you have a wife that should carry some too.



I pray that God gives you the wisdom to steer the boat.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

F*ck you Nigga for the epistle.

Shokoloko:
Marriages survived by putting into practice the principles of his book.
No one can claim to have invented the love languages. It was never his idea - he only put ancient knowledge into writing. People have practiced this since marriage was invented.

So why limit/codify them to just 5 things.

Why not we just call it what it is: sacrifice, Respect, compromise etc.

Why creating a buzz word for it ?

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Your case sounds simple but at the same time complex.

Just like some comments before this, religion seems to worrying both of you and you think its Christianity.

Most marriages are suffering from wrong teaching about marriage from Pentecostal churches. I'm a minister in a Pentecostal church. However, I've done enough study to see that most of what is taught isn't scriptural.

For example, a home is meant to be run by the husband, the wife is only a helper. Like the Yorubas will say; "gba ran mi ki di eleru", translated as a helper doesn't become the owner of the luggage.

Her money is her money, your money is our money! The earlier you accept this, the faster your peace will come. You ask me; what is she then to do with her money, the answer is that, it's her discretion.

On the other issues of domestic responsibility, all you need to do is to talk it over with her. If you allow her to work, pls realize that she's also a human being that'll get tired after a day's job.

For she to be pretending to be serving you when you visit your in-laws shows that she knew this is expected of her. Then ask her why she doesn't do that at home.

On sex matter, as long as all of these issues remain unresolved, there's no need for sex. If you have it, it is just masturbation in another way! I know we men can sleep with a lady under 2hrs of knowing her, that's not love making but a quickie. However, in a marriage it doesn't work. Unfortunately, for ladies, sex begins in the mind before hitting the sheets. A man doesn't need to dream of sex before having sex and that's the trouble.

If you want regular sex which is good for both of you, then you need to address this ladies dilemma.

Long story cut short, discuss all of these issues with her. From the look of things you're not romantic like most men.

You don't seem to have the key to her heart yet. Forget all the fight and schedule an outing for both of you and talk it through. From the look of things, both of you don't want divorce, so you can really work things out.

On the finance, she'll spend her money on you if you get these things sorted out.

From my analysis, that wife of yours will like sex if you get these issue sorted out. Break ego on your side and come down from your high horse and enjoy this woman.

Why can't you cook for that woman first? If you can cook, do it once and see how she'll begin to blush.

You don't have a serious problem as you painted it.

Once a religious extremist starts start talking about divorce, just know she is trying to legalize her newly found love. Thats how they do and you will never suspect anything till you find out

Mine went as far as bringing a man to her parents house to sleep with him. The same day she said I should not call or disturb her that she was fasting

Sorry bro

Please can someone explain the remote job that she does plus the side hustle making 800k monthly. Please put me on, I need help....

You are married to a narcissistic female. I bet nothing you do impresses her. All these red flags are there before wedding bt u choose to ignore them believing she will improve with time if she sees the work you put it, but bro it won't ever improve. Rather it gets worse. The constant threat of divorce, no human sympathy and inability to own up to her responsibilities be it right or wrong is predominant, the gas lighting, nagging and constant lies seems to make u crazy and make u feel like u can't actually please or win her. My bro if u suffer these u have been twisted already. Know its not your fault entirely she like dt. Seek help, heal and maybe walk away if possible

Amayabor1:
Oga, your wife is just tolerating you in the marriage. She doesn't love you! She has been trying to see if she can love you, but to no avail. You most likely was not her true love. She probably married you because you were ready for marriage and she wanted to get married. You disgust her.

Sorry, but that's the truth!

I am tempted to agree with you. I dont think we love each other, infact when I reflect on things we really have alot of problems.

I have decided to fight back, I wont take any of this crap again. I think I have been too weak as the leader of the house this is why all this is happening.

Let not live in pretense anymore, there is a problem, a big one for that matter.

This may seem harsh I will hold back all the her entitlement, she cant expect me to play all the husband roles and she refuses to play hers as a wife.

It not even about the cooking itself, but how she responds when I raise certain matters.

what do you expect? when you married retired olosho wey carry bible like pikin

JeffreyJunior:
I took my time to read your epistle and one thing I quickly noticed is that you two are no longer couples but strangers, competing ones at that.

You are yet to see her true color because you still support your home financially. The worst in her will manifest if anything happens to your income.

Whenever a woman opens her mouth to say let's dissolve this marriage or this relationship, I would go for it immediately. If you don't, you will remain at her mercy forever and all your efforts in keeping the relationship will be unappreciated and underappreciated by her.

One thing is certain now. Your wife already has an exit plan and she is only waiting for a perfect time to strike. Most times, they don't strike until you are in the lowest of your lows so I suggest you start making your own exit plans because this rain I dey see so, it will definitely fall. It's only a matter of when.

Shalom.

God bless you sir, you're a man of great wisdom.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Report her to the pastor, her parents and God..
If she doesn't change, try and change by cheating, coming bk late at night etc, she will then know you are not a simp.

jesmond3945:
a woman that is making 800k a month and you still want her to cook everyday or let me say you still want her to give her husband food everyday? Are you normal at all?
Even Op is complaining that she doesnt wash his clothes. Common man in 2023?
You people see women as machine in that shithole country.
Somebody that is still nurturing a baby. Have you child minded or baby sitted before and still add 800 k per month hustle to it. If they born Op well make e divorce the wife na im loose. 800k x12 with 2 kids she would ball hard. She wants a bright future for her kids.

Let both parties work as equal partners. There is no work reserved for any gender.

You’re a very dumb person and you’re not supposed to be putting mouth on matters on here.
So because she’s earning just 800k , she should neglect her wifely duty ? So the money is more important than the family ? Now I know the kind of person you are, you worship money in your family.


You’re just being mischievous because no where from his post did he mention that his wife should be cooking every day . But atleast, she should show concern not I-don’t-care attitude. All this simply means , the money has boosted her ego and she doesn’t seem like a good mother to me. Even the maid dictates what her children eat ! Arrant nonsense!


She even denies him sex which is the height of it.
Op earns about the same amount or more , yet he provides financial and emotional support for his family .

So na the man supposed Dey work like Jackie and sacrificing his comfort while his partner just sit back and relax.


I pity the op, your wife has sized you up, divorce her and marry someone that understands importance of sacrifice for the family.



And mind you, even if she earns billions monthly, she’s still the wife and it’s expected of her to discharge her duty efficiently same as the husband( if one is tired , the other comes in to help, not that one will feel to big to help or sacrifice for the family). If she divorces now, she’s already a single mother and no sensible man created by God will settle for that secondhand good-for-nothing just because of money.

I know a dumb human being like you will settle for that cos u don see sugar mommy earning meager 800k .

Rubbish . No qoute me again abeg. U Dey vex me

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Dissolve the marriage if u can

I don’t think I have a say to this because I’m not married but sometimes you have to create a little things to scare your woman, sometimes reset her brain with a good slap but let that be just you and her.

If you are too weak to do that, say something that’ll scares her,

My man your wife can see you weakness.

Or you go for second wife

Then third if necessary

Or keep begging her for few more years I believe she might later reset her brain voluntarily.

It’s opinion