₦airaland Forum

2dice01:
Suffering and smiling 🤩

¹ Once a week sex 🤔
² She has no Respect for you
³ Won't cook for you
⁴ She even told you if the marriage ain't working you should divorce

Yet divorce isn't an option for you 😂☺️
What exactly are you enjoying in your marriage?

He is enjoying footing the bills and this why men die early.

Dogalmighty17:
Your situation sounds just exactly like mine. I have never believed in divorce. But God knows I have been pushed to the wall. I won't tell you to be patient and understanding. I know that for you to make this post now shows how deeply pained you are.
At the end of the day, the question we should all ask ourselves is this: Is marriage worth it?

Hmmm may God help us.
Marriage worth it. The enemies are fighting the children indirectly and they could do anything, just to make sure that the marriage is not in good state. I've experienced this before, and today I'm a conqueror in Christ Jesus. Pray, work on yourself and thing will change for good. Always appreciate your wife, since you're not ready for divorce. And the main tools is communication. A relationship without communication is dead. God will heal every dead marriages going through this in Jesus mighty name.

Are you sure your wife isn't having affairs with some church lords?

Let me tell you, a woman lives to be loyal to something or someone and whoever she is loyal to, there lies her respects and entirety, most times.

It could be her job, kids, church, or it is her husband.

Find out what she gives the best loyalty to, and that may be the best place to tackle.

Meanwhile, we don't have her own side of the story. Yours is just one side. So, to settle an issue, there is need to hear from both sides before drawing conclusions.

chatinent:
Act like there's another woman somewhere.Be out, don't disturb her for anything. If she doesn't cook, with a smile, go out and return filled. Just do whatever it is that will make her feel you aren't feeling her attitude. Do it for two months.

She'll come tracking and wanting you.


Or bro, in easy words, LET EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T WANT YOU BE WITH YOU GADAFCK! Gaddammnnnit!



As a man, you are the trophy!

Everyone is a trophy. Some ladies don't care too.

Creditalerts:
I divorced my wife because of these issues because when I tried to table it with her mother I was beating 😭😭black and blue by her mother and siblings so I had no choice that to divorce her marriage is a big scam ,make them your baby mama and have peace ✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾

I am so but this is really funny. Lol beaten by her mother lol this can’t be real.

ravensckar:
Mr. OP, first of all, I sympathize with you on what you're going through in your marriage. May the Almighty God take absolute control.

Secondly, what you mentioned that your wife is doing to you is typical of most Nigerian women. Withholding sex, not cooking or showing you attention. It's their oldest control mechanism to keep their man in check. It's just that your wife took hers too far. Funny enough, there's not a single man in Nigeria whose wife didn't use these tactics on him, the smart ones always turn the tables and the weak ones always succumb. Kindly spend more time with your dad (if he's still around) or some of your guys who are married let them give you the OT.

My advice for you is simple; find your wife's thumbscrew and use it to counter attack (turn the table). I'll tell you a short story, hopefully, you can learn a thing or two from it. My wife for example, when she started her own 'kolomental' back then. She won't cook, she won't clean the house, she won't give her best during sex. It's always one complain or another. The most painful part of it was the food, every other thing I can bear. I sat her down and spoke to her, nothing changed. I sometimes don't eat at home just to express my displeasure. She didn't bulge, rather, she mocked me and told me that I'll die of hunger.
I reported to her parents, nothing changed.

Then, I spoke to my dad about it and he gave me the OT. I started chatting and receiving calls from one particular number. I began to spend quality time outside my house, she still didn't bulge. I took it to another level by subtly making her friends and family members become aware of my new lifestyle. Fear catch Hanty and she quickly surrendered. It was that moment I found her thumbscrew; my wife is very particular about other people's perception of her marriage. She hates to give others the impression that her marriage is going through something. She's that type of lady who doesn't want her friends, family or even the neighbours to ever think that her husband doesn't love her dearly. That was it, I found her thumbscrew and the dick measuring contest was won by me!

Since then, I now know what drives her, what motivates her and what unsettles her. For example, if I want her to knack very well. I'll stop over at her shop on my way back from work, buy her chop chop and we'll both be eating it outside. Gist with her outside, help her sell her stuff and be doing touch & do. You can be sure that night ehn, she will finish me on the bed. And in the same way, if she offends me and I want to treat her Bleep up, I'll just stop over at her shop with a frown on my face or attitude. Instantly, Hanty will start to dey beg.

In summary, every woman has a thumbscrew. Your job as a man is to figure out your wife's thumbscrew and use it to the fullest. If you do that, you'll change the dynamics. And in seduction, he who has the initiative has the power. You need to take that initiative!

PS- marriage, business, sports, & politics are ARTS. To succeed at it, one must learn the intricacies.

Based on what you have said and the fact he stated that the wife adjust herself in the presence of her family members, it then means that’s hers also.

ravensckar:
Mr. OP, first of all, I sympathize with you on what you're going through in your marriage. May the Almighty God take absolute control.

Secondly, what you mentioned that your wife is doing to you is typical of most Nigerian women. Withholding sex, not cooking or showing you attention. It's their oldest control mechanism to keep their man in check. It's just that your wife took hers too far. Funny enough, there's not a single man in Nigeria whose wife didn't use these tactics on him, the smart ones always turn the tables and the weak ones always succumb. Kindly spend more time with your dad (if he's still around) or some of your guys who are married let them give you the OT.

My advice for you is simple; find your wife's thumbscrew and use it to counter attack (turn the table). I'll tell you a short story, hopefully, you can learn a thing or two from it. My wife for example, when she started her own 'kolomental' back then. She won't cook, she won't clean the house, she won't give her best during sex. It's always one complain or another. The most painful part of it was the food, every other thing I can bear. I sat her down and spoke to her, nothing changed. I sometimes don't eat at home just to express my displeasure. She didn't bulge, rather, she mocked me and told me that I'll die of hunger.
I reported to her parents, nothing changed.

Then, I spoke to my dad about it and he gave me the OT. I started chatting and receiving calls from one particular number. I began to spend quality time outside my house, she still didn't bulge. I took it to another level by subtly making her friends and family members become aware of my new lifestyle. Fear catch Hanty and she quickly surrendered. It was that moment I found her thumbscrew; my wife is very particular about other people's perception of her marriage. She hates to give others the impression that her marriage is going through something. She's that type of lady who doesn't want her friends, family or even the neighbours to ever think that her husband doesn't love her dearly. That was it, I found her thumbscrew and the dick measuring contest was won by me!

Since then, I now know what drives her, what motivates her and what unsettles her. For example, if I want her to knack very well. I'll stop over at her shop on my way back from work, buy her chop chop and we'll both be eating it outside. Gist with her outside, help her sell her stuff and be doing touch & do. You can be sure that night ehn, she will finish me on the bed. And in the same way, if she offends me and I want to treat her Bleep up, I'll just stop over at her shop with a frown on my face or attitude. Instantly, Hanty will start to dey beg.

In summary, every woman has a thumbscrew. Your job as a man is to figure out your wife's thumbscrew and use it to the fullest. If you do that, you'll change the dynamics. And in seduction, he who has the initiative has the power. You need to take that initiative!

PS- marriage, business, sports, & politics are ARTS. To succeed at it, one must learn the intricacies.

More power to your elbow, sir!

1) why is your wife sleeping with the kids? You guys should be sleeping together as a precondition to everything else below; report her to her "our" parents but tell her you're going to do so and that's if she doesn't agree to start sleeping in same room as expected. And still tell her you'll maintain the once a week sex but by the time you stay together for 4 weeks make sure you pinpoint what you did to her differently, more, less or didn't do that made her on to give you a kiss Mr kissing kissing

2) Why are you paying all the bills when both of you are working even if its 8,000 and not the 800,000 she earns? Get a monthly budget financed equally by both of you...you can afterwards pay more sometimes as a gift to her

3) marriage between a "man and woman", forget tbe stupid pronouns, is about being naked together and not feeling shame and loving your wife "like yourself" so be honest and truthful to one another.....don't bottle up or rationalise anything your wife does wrong because you don't want divorce but are you truly married now? Mr Christian, it is never about what good you can do or doing but what faith/believe do you have in the accepted work of that man of calvary so mustard seed size and even in your worthlessness to be able to say ABBA FATHER. Marriage is a spiritual "thing" and the ultimate goal is to raise Godly children not only about sexually satisfied father .....


.......To be continued

emmyN:
Heavy workload that has no impact on the family. What is she working for? She is presently not cooking not taking care of any house chores, they have a maid for that.

African man. Always using their wives as mules. That’s why I always advise women to leave you guys alone, and if possible go marry Oyinbo to enjoy her life and marriage.

Just small cooking the husband has to do, he is already complaining. I blame the wives catering to husbands like you. Well, the wife has given up and don’t care any longer. What you gonna do Willis, except rush to Nairaland to cry and moan.

BloomingDale:
You are crazy. She is working herself to death, her main job and side hustles in addition to looking after 2 children, cooking, household chores etc probably cos the husband’s salary is not enough and you are talking about love and respect.

The husband is just covering himself and the children’s upkeep from what I gleaned from his write up and the foolish op does not even realize that, or maybe he does but just playing smart, yet he expects her to keep him very comfortable.

Did you read the part that says they gave a housemaid? The husband's salary is not enough but she rakes ~800k/month. What does she do with all that money? The OP also stated that he pays all the bills and fees. We're you blind to that? Women supporting women indeed!

folake4u:
Try and read my earlier comment again. This time slowly.

I was just clarifying a fact on Remote work.

In all of these what you could point out was that her job is hectic? Jesus Christ!! I can't believe someone in God's green earth thinks like you. I hope you maintain the same energy if your brother's wife treat him this way.

ben1daEbiri:
Did you read the part that says they gave a housemaid? The husband's salary is not enough but she rakes ~800k/month. What does she do with all that money? The OP also stated that he pays all the bills and fees. We're you blind to that? Women supporting women indeed!

Op said the wife pays the maid, fills the gas and buys dsiper....let me continue reading

DonTim1:
She's not married to her dream husband, she tolerates the one she is married to. Just my thoughts.

You still young, live your life, indulge in new activities, in fact, delegate all but one of your expectations to the maid, close your eyes to responsibilities from her so much that she envies your new happiness, however you this, put yourself first and be happy.

This is assuming you didn't induce her new found personality.

Best comment read so far
I support this
Na because the guy dey caring , na why she dey misbehave
Once the guy learns to be totally independent of her in all form including sex
She go compose

If none of you are going to say it, I will!

When you should’ve been looking for nurturing qualities in a woman, you were after beauty and consoled yourself that since she is a devout Christian, she wouldn’t give you problems.

You dey beg your wife for sex? El oh el! A man finds a wife! A woman doesn’t find a husband. Smh.

Abeg continue with your marriage if divorce is not an option. You go dey alright. Nothing you can do

I am actually really surprised at people who keep being clingy to women despite being disliked...The wife knows the op mumu button & knows divorce isn't an option...


I think op is really the problem, He probably soo much in love with d wife that he can't reason properly, dats what d woman uses to her advantage to completely manipulate him. tomi4life just sent her home for like 6months and see how things go, DO NOT TRY TO BRING HER BACK DURING THAT TIME WOH...if she doesn't change, forget it just let her go permanently as u just dey waste ur time

ben1daEbiri:
Did you read the part that says they gave a housemaid? The husband's salary is not enough but she rakes ~800k/month. What does she do with all that money? The OP also stated that he pays all the bills and fees. We're you blind to that? Women supporting women indeed!

Did you read my Soln? All the bills and fees? Well, the wife is paying for some stuff like gas, baby diapers etc and I’m pretty sure he is not paying for his wife ‘s personal maintenance like clothes, etc. The husband is just paying for the things he still has to pay for even if he was still single like a roof over his head, the food he eats etc, so it’s not like he’s even going out of his way with the bills. I’m pretty sure the wife supplements the money she is given without even letting him know. Imagine bringing out just 75k to feed a family of five for a month.

Well, the wife is now stressed and the household is unhappy. She is already running after 2 children. Can’t add another one. She has left the big child aka the husband to take care of himself. Whaddaya gonna do about it except come to Nairaland to complain. Lol.

Kobojunkie:
1. Have you tried marriage counseling in your case? Leave God alone as God has no hand in your marriages. It is silly to say you don't believe in divorce given that no two people were born married to themselves from the womb. Many relationships break up over time and there is nothing wrong with that. Divorce is not meant to be believed in. It is instead meant to accepted if the conditions demand it.

2. Marriage is not the issue. The problem is that when you have two human beings involved in a relationship, it can go either way. The moment you accept that fact, you gain relationship wisdom.

You have no idea how hardened the human heart can be! No amount of counseling can change a person that doesn't want to be changed, it's a temporary fix, but you see understand the love of God and how we express that love to other people changes everything.

See needs wisdom and help from God. A counselor who doesn't add the subject of God's love for us into the conversation will do little to no impact.

Speaking from experience with "Christian couples"

JeffreyJunior:
I took my time to read your epistle and one thing I quickly noticed is that you two are no longer couples but strangers, competing ones at that.

You are yet to see her true color because you still support your home financially. The worst in her will manifest if anything happens to your income.

Whenever a woman opens her mouth to say let's dissolve this marriage or this relationship, I would go for it immediately. If you don't, you will remain at her mercy forever and all your efforts in keeping the relationship will be unappreciated and underappreciated by her.

One thing is certain now. Your wife already has an exit plan and she is only waiting for a perfect time to strike. Most times, they don't strike until you are in the lowest of your lows so I suggest you start making your own exit plans because this rain I dey see so, it will definitely fall. It's only a matter of when.

Shalom.

Rollo Tomassi said it. A woman will leave you mentally but stay physically to destroy you till there's nothing left. Then she'll leave.

@Op no wait make e reach that stage. It's just the kids man. The kids.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen! I rarely advise any couple to divorce, but in this case, that would be the best course of action. Allow me to explain. The OP wrote something that jumped out at me: our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired... So this problem started in the beginning of their marriage not after she had children. Sir, you married the wrong woman and she married the wrong man. It would be understandable if your sex life deteriorated but from the get-go, she was never into you. I have never begged a woman for sex; ever! I am not the tallest or most handsome man, but I do not bother women who are not into me.

All the advice on the thread will not work for you because your woman does not belong to you. Whenever you were intimate with her, she was most likely traumatized and it was torture for her, hence why she laid there like a log of wood. Your wife enjoys sex, but not with you. I am not blaming you, but I doubt you will make the right decision because of your religious background and the stigma of divorce in Nigeria.

You can try talking to her and ask what she wants? But I doubt that will help. May God be with you.

She knows she will get away with her actions.

She has no respect for you because of this.

Unfortunately you cannot force respect, you earn it.

If a women does not respect you, let her go!
Tell her to pack her shit and go!

Repackage yourself and find another woman.

Maybe that will make her snap back to her senses.

Going forward, man-the-Bleep-up and don't let anybody ( including family) walk all over you.

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Marry a second wife

That is the only language women understand. You have two kids so just be a man,We are Africans

In this life never delegate your happiness to another person.

Yoruba say that
Bo ba ko’waju si o ko ta. Bo ba k’oyin si o ko ta. Bo ba ku’wo nikan, ko tun-ero ara re pa.

BloomingDale:
You are crazy. She is working herself to death, her main job and side hustles in addition to looking after 2 children, cooking, household chores etc probably cos the husband’s salary is not enough and you are talking about love and respect.

The husband is just covering himself and the children’s upkeep from what I gleaned from his write up and the foolish op does not even realize that, or maybe he does but just playing smart, yet he expects her to keep him very comfortable.

Read no lie. If you had read the story you'd not come up with the nonsense you wrote, Or maybe your comprehension is limited either way learn to read and understand before commenting

tomi4life

Is your wife circumcised? It kills or greatly reduces libido. They have no urge for sex. It becomes like a chore for them.

I think once she develops some serious sexual appetite, intimacy may start.

Men, please be sure of the character of the women you want to marry, Focus on the secret person of the heart.

Test her in 1,000 areas. Marriage has no return ticket. Marriage is a one way flight. There's no turning back. So think WISELY!

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

U must be a good narator

Anyways m not good at listening to a side b4 making judgement.....however, from your barative, it obvious u married your competitor

If divorce isn't the way out, then u should be ready for a long drive on a motor called endurance

Unfortunately, growth n development will be very slow in such marriage galished with competition rather than cooperation.....so it up to you like the white man always say

Cheers

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

Take her for deliverance

Dogalmighty17:
Your situation sounds just exactly like mine. I have never believed in divorce. But God knows I have been pushed to the wall. I won't tell you to be patient and understanding. I know that for you to make this post now shows how deeply pained you are.
At the end of the day, the question we should all ask ourselves is this: Is marriage worth it?

same question i do ask

For your wife to openly tell you to dissolve the marriage it means she is tired.

Dissolve the marriage and let naysayers talk. Your peace of mind should be prioritized.

As for your kids, they will cope.

Also watch out, there may be a third party in that marriage. Do not rule out DNA test for those kids and also do not take eyes off her activities in church.

During courtship when you guys had distant relationship did you do background finding if there was someone in the picture? Any ex? Did she leave anyone to marry you?

No Nigerian woman deliberately wants her home to be toxic but when they do, they want out and you should grant them that wish.

I know your fear is what the world will say and how your kids will live, you need to be sane before you think of others

Afolashade00:
I repeat she is not married to the one she loves, she got married to you because you were available . A woman who loves you will do some of those things you mentioned willingly . No woman is perfect, I repeat a woman who loves you will do some of the things you mentioned without stressing you

Hmmm....

tomi4life:
I am 35 and my wife is 29, we have been married for 6 years now, we have 2 children a boy and a girl. We didnt court much during our courtship because of long distance.

I really have a problem with my wife and not sure what can be done to address, now I must be very honest am not sure there is anything I can do I just want to use the platform to vent my frustration.

My marriage has not been very good, lately myself and my wife leave like room mates and not lovers, despite the age difference between me and my wife she doesnt really respect me. For the 6 years we have been in marriage 3 things have caused all our fights: cooking, Sex and finance

My wife rarely cooks in the house, things around welfare are not taken seriously, actually in a week, my wife can cook for me just 1 time. She cooks for the children and baths for them daily, we also have a help who does alot of cooking. She rarely askes me what I will eat, honestly I always have to go to the kitchen to sort myself, sometimes I buy food outside from eateries and bucker. Sometimes when she cooks it usually very late 10pm. I have complained severally and what happen is she tries to change, after a week, we are back to the same state. My wife can do without cooking for me for weeks. It really really pains me cos am a foody and I knw hw my mum treats matters of food. she is this person that forms busy, either she is busy with work or some church activities, she always has an excuse. She goes to work only ones a weeks the remaining 4days are remote. To address this issue I now order soups from major restaurant outlets, An example is today easter sunday, I had to tell our maid to prepare rice for myself and the kids, cos my wife was in church, we all went to church but she decided to stay back, knowing fully well no food was prepared.

Sex: [/b]our sex life is very boring, when we got married we always fight about sex, cos anytime I ask for it she always complain she is tired, so what I now do is ask for it only sat morning, brethen this is only day I get sex. If I miss that day, it is still next week. We sleep in different rooms, she sleeps with the children in the master bedroom while I sleep alone in another room. I can tell most time she doesnt enjoy it and never ever askes for it, I always ask and initiate it. She just lays like a log, even kisses is a no no, except she is really on, which rarely happens.
[b]
Finance: I have always earned more than my wife, when we got married, I was earning 3 times what she was earning, but she changed jobs and got promoted severally and we were earning the same amount. she also does alot of side runs where she gets 200-300k monthly as side hustle, there was even a time she was earning more than I did. I dint let it bother me I continue to foot the entire house bills. 95% of the enitre house of comes from me, she only pays the maid , buys cooking gas and my sons diaper. Every other thing in the house is covered by me, house rent, school fees, project, all the bills. I give her 75k as food money monthly. I have continue to question her why I should give her food moeny if I still have to end up going out to eat. I think the only reason she sometime listens to me is cause i still provide the finances for the house. The time she was earning more I could see how she belittle some of my decisions. I just prayed to God, cos I noticed the respect was gone, when I talk to her about her role as a mum and mother to the home, she says she is working, she is busy, I mentioned to her that the money she works is for her, she doesnt share with the house, I have never asked her for it and am not against her working, she however should not neglect her responsibility as a mum. That my role as a father, God helping me is to provide, and this is why I work. I also noticed when I got a new job and my salary increased she kinda off felt jealous she didnt tell me but i noticed it, she began to aggressively look for jobs.


I really dont think we have that initmacy, we are just there, my wife cant come to tell me anything bothering her, she keeps to herself. Funny part is she is a very religious person, my wife will sleep with bible on her hand, wake up with bible pray and serve in various church unit, I however dont think she really understands what she reads. She also has a very bad temper sometimes when I raise certian issues, the ways she talks sometimes I have to hold back a response if not the whole thing will escalate. There are days I will raise certain issue up, the next things she mentions is " let just dissolve this marriage as it is not working" sometimes , I just refer her to her bible cos the utterances that come out of her mouth makes me doubt her understanding of Christianity.


I have never assaulted her, we have nt had any physically fight, what happens is most times when we have issues, I dont speak to her for days, then she come back apologizing. Sometimes when am wrong I also apologies.

Am not saying am perfect, I know there are areas I can do better, like in the buying off gift, I rarely buy her gift, not cause I cant but Cos she earns well and I believe she should buy whatever she needs with her money my wife earns approximately 800k monthy.


I expect my wife will support me but it like she is stressing me. when we go see my parent or our parent, it is all smiles, they dont knw hw stressful their daughter is, she even forms trying to serve me food and all.

Dont get me wrong she has some good side, but this thing is really getting into me. I dont drink, smoke or womanise, divorce is also not on the table for me.

It is the saddest thing to have problems in your marriage as that should be your happy place from all the madness outside.

As you are in it already find ways to reach her, keep talking to her and remind her what is expected of her as a wife.You set the tone by showing appreciation when she does something well.Most women like to be praised.

Discuss your finances and as she earns too she can pick which bills she will assist in paying as she is your asset not a liability.

Try introducing date nights take her out and once in a while buy her something thoughtful it does not matter if she can afford it but the thought counts.

Also you said she has some good side can you give an example just to balance the scale?.

I just pray I marry an understanding woman,God knows I don't have all this type of patient, moreover I'm the type who believes in divorce.

It is not a do or die affairs,I get worried easily and I'm not ready for any stress.

Haba,so much all in the name of marriage.

Zeewirld:
..Why are you fixated on what you and she earns I am beginning to feel that you have complex problem in addition to being to jealous and unsecured. It is most likely you grew up believing that respect as a man comes mainly from his earning prowess.

You might need to introspectively check yourself and reappraise your childhood

Just shut up, Mr man!

Where for God's did people like you emerge from?

The guy was just replying to someone else's previous comment.
Shouldn't he have replied??

Nawaoo with all these stupid and unnecessary blames!