bukatyne:


1. Doing better by worldly metrics is a function of systems which were created by stronger men and they are on a steady decline.

I guess time will tell

2. Lack of masculine men and feminine women leads to dearth in marriages/home which spills to the society and it is only a matter of time before it collapses. Nigeria is a good example. Due the dearth of masculine men and godly men, the women carrying the families for ages have said no more and our family system has collapsed which has lead to collapse in the society. That's why a 24 year old boy would connive with his mother to use his sister for rituals; that's why a 19 year old boy would buy Benz that his generation if sold cannot afford and he would be celebrated; that's why ritual money and yahoo yahoo is on the rise, a mother would take her sons to learn Yahoo Yahoo. That is we have a number of girls willing to sell their bodies for Iphone 14 and boys changing girls like someone changing underwears. A video of underaged boys booking girls in hotel was floating some weeks back. Imagine while growing up, which boy wouls leave his father's house and lodge a girl old enough to be his sister in a hotel? Even if he is mad to do so, which girl would cheapen herself to sleep with someone she should be backing for money? And which hotel would lodge such abnormality instead of calling their parents to pick them?

But this isn’t in the west and I was referring to the post where you said western men were not as masculine. I guess this shows that west or not, the times are different and it’s not a function of masculine or feminine energy. At least that’s what I think.

cococandy:
Okay. I definitely rock with the self care angle. Although I don’t think it’s gender specific.
I take my husband along with me to self care sessions. Couples Massages with hot stones and aromatherapy. Manicure pedicure. Facials.

Freshness is a must

Took my husband once for a couple's massage and used female/female because we were in the same room.

Luckily, he did not listen to me completely and did not remove his boxers unlike me that likes to be nude.

Let's say it was catastrophic. Despite my presence, she was so unprofessional and caressing him and had the guts to ask for his number when we were leaving for 'follow up'.

Completely swore him off massages. Sticks to his pedicure jeje.

Hot stone/towel massage is awesome. Then nice music and heavenly aromatherapy.... I don't know if I am asleep or awake or still in this world. Then you finish and step out to the harsh reality

I should have been born as an ancient Egyptian princess. All I would be doing is massage and importing essential oils from all over the world

cococandy:
I guess time will tell



But this isn’t in the west and I was referring to the post where you said western men were not as masculine. I guess this shows that west or not, the times are different and it’s not a function of masculine or feminine energy. At least that’s what I think.

The end of that post talks about some issues in the West and it is function of the dysfunction The family is the building block of the society, every one is from a family (functional or dysfunctional) and once it fails, the debris is falling on the society.

Unacceptable. I hope you guys reported her 🫤

bukatyne:


Took my husband once for a couple's massage and used female/female because we were in the same room.

Luckily, he did not listen to me completely and did not remove his boxers unlike me that likes to be nude.

Let's say it was catastrophic. Despite my presence, she was so unprofessional and caressing him and had the guts to ask for his number when we were leaving for 'follow up'.

Completely swore him off massages. Sticks to his pedicure jeje.

Hot stone/towel massage is awesome. Then nice music and heavenly aromatherapy.... I don't know if I am asleep or awake or still in this world. Then you finish and step out to the harsh reality

I should have been born as an ancient Egyptian princess. All I would be doing is massage and importing essential oils from all over the world

Klass99:
Coco & Buka, you people make my head spin when you go head to head like this, debating issues back and forth. It's like watching a Serena and Venus tennis match.

Sorry lol.

Klass99:
Coco & Buka, you people make my head spin when you go head to head like this, debating issues back and forth. It's like watching a Serena and Venus tennis match.

Nor vex

cococandy:
Unacceptable. I hope you guys reported her 🫤

In Nigeria about 8 years ago

Where do we start the story from?

bukatyne:


1. If a young man had a working woman around him, he wouldn't think like that. It just tells me about your background.

2. Traditional men are bae. Funnily, I used to see myself & husband as nontraditional till I said seeing these crop of feminine men.

A. Cool, God bless them.


D. Nothing is as easy as asserting yourself while feminine. And people would sharperly comply.

5. Pele, can be so stressful. And they actually get to enjoy you when in your feminine because you are relaxed and thinking 'what can I do to make you happy '?

Sorry for the late response.

1. Totally spot on!!

2. Traditional men are EVERYTHING and more!
Lmao. How can you say you thought y'all are non-traditional? 😂😂😂😂The milleninal generation is fully traditional.

A. Amennn. Thank you very much.

D. Yup certainly. Assertiveness is the new cool.

5. Lol. So true. We both enjoy when I'm in my best feminine state.

bukatyne:


I should have put the disrespect in quotes to show that it is just their trauma playing out.

I am not shocked; served in Akwa Ibom and saw ladies driving bikes about. The women farm and care for the crops then the men harvest, sell and keep the money.

Those not into farming, the women go to their business place while the men sit at home and buy fresh goatmeat with palm wine waiting for the wife to return and cook.

A lady was dating a fellow corper and she would cook with her money, bring the food to our lodge and sleep with the guy. I wondered what exactly she was gaining in the 'situationship' considering it is not a case of 'let me assist my man while he stands on his feet'.

Their women were so muscular! Would carry two white paint buckets stacked on each other uphill a stream while the boys were playing at home.

Same thing applicable in parts of Cross River.

When they say their women f.uck and feed their men, it is no joke.

I hailed my Yoruba brothers after that.

Interesting. I didn't know ladies ride bikes in Awka Ibom. I figured A. Ibom is a modern state given the fact that it's tagged "The State of Hospitality".

Hmmm. That's crazy. Thank God them nor born me for that side oh.

It's somehow fuçking and feeding a man at the same time. It doesn't sound right to me at all.

bukatyne:


I would check it out, thanks.

Generalizing cloth colour, Winnie is on her own.

@Crocs: have no opinion really, never had one. I have neven thought of its elegance or lack of.

Alright. You're welcome.

She even talked about nail polish colours oh, if I remember correctly.

bukatyne:


Which wahalurr?

Just give them pen and paper and 50 mins to answer the questions

Hahahahahahaha

Good plan.

bukatyne:


Depends on what you want to learn.

My previous post (just two posts prior) lists three femininity coaches targeting three different areas.

You could learn how to carry yourself better, nurture your femininity, relate with your husband to get better results aka to be more masculine, choose a masculine man, use your femininity to win at work etc. etc.

I would like to have specific examples, if you have any. How does a woman carry herself better to appear more feminine, for example?

More feminine by which standards anyway?

bukatyne:


3. A masculine man is secure in himself and has no qualms respecting a lady deserving of respect. Because he is a brand, he would also pick a respectable lady as his spouse/partner. Even throwing tantrums when told to respect women or treat them according to the way they want to be treated is a sign of a feminine man or a wounded masculine man.

And I would tell you that the average man in the West is more secure in himself than his Nigerian counterpart.

Interesting discussion here...


I am still reading through, and while doing that, a thought came to me that I felt I should chip in;

On labels.

Ordinarily, I have never found anything wrong with them. It is a natural tendency for humans to want to associate as something, with something.

Even with people who are irreligious or subscribe to some unconventional notions or beliefs, they are still falling within a category.

Someone who likes to talk about how 'different', 'odd', 'misunderstood', 'philosophical' they are is still being ruled by that "need" to feel a-part of a group.

So categorising things (and people) are just our way of easily navigating the world.

Feminist, redpiller, masculine, feminine, strong woman, virtuous woman, boss lady, slay queen, liberal, conservative and so many more like that are descriptors, and different people choose to go by one or more or some of these terms depending on how they view themselves to conform to what these things entail. And I have no problem with any of these in themselves.

Only two things for me is:

We play different roles at different points in our lives with different people. That's basically like all our existence comprise of.

We'd fit into different boxes at the same time. Humans are complex, and so are our thoughts. Labels are okay if they are a means of positive expressions, not negative limitations.

Don't tell yourself, "oh, I call myself this, then I MUST never do this."

Imagine you wanted to laugh, a reflex action o, and just as you're about to do so, you held yourself and say in your head that, "ah. I am a woman. I have to be feminine. I must laugh in a so-and-so way." No. So long as what you're doing doesn't violate some values you hold dear, don't restrain yourself from doing anything out of the scope of whatever term you're cool with.

Second thing, which more or less tied into the first, is not using labels as a crutch.

Like you make your whole existence about one thing. One label. One word. One descriptor. One adjective or something.

So yeah, that's all I have to contribute for now.

We can fit into many "boxes" at the same time while a "box" should not become our whole identity.

AmazonTopaz:
She is even Mag

Euno iaa, wetin happen to our account na why you dey use this one?

It's been a long time my Queen.

Yes. It's me, your Royal Highness.

It's really been a long while.

Na community service I dey do for this account for the meantime jare.

bukatyne:
In examples 1 - 3, I think you have mistaken indiviual societal expectations with what femininity and Masculinity should be. Read Folake 4u's chart again.

You mentioned something, about femininity starting with taking care of oneself.

So is a man taking care of himself being feminine? Can a man do that? How much (of the time)?

And if you say how a man ought to take care of himself should be different from how a woman ought to take of herself (in reference to the chart Folake posted), does that mean a man cannot take himself out, treat himself, tan in the sun, do things he enjoys and such?


'Cause that pretty much seem to me like "HOW TO BE A HEALTHY HUMAN/live a healthy lifestyle" (something I am working towards being, I should add, lol).

Are the activities on that chart something a man should do once in a while, so he wouldn't ooze too much feminine energy? And then should he play video games, race, repair a car, etc., for his own version of 'taking care of himself'? Mind you, every man's interests will not be the same.

Persephone1:
I borrowed it from Maggie. . Since the day i read it it got stuck. 😂😂😂😂

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I knew I'd used the term, but I can't even remember whennnnnnn, lmao.

Persephone1:
I kuku don talk am before say I no wan share opinion o. 🤷

Persephone1:


This question/ topic isn't for me . Lemme just read

Seee, lol.

This topic is HIGHLY subjective, so it'll all just boil down to our differing opinions - and perhaps going back and forth.

The fact that it's a "taught" thing in my opinion is the first foul.

I understand that we learn other things in our lives, sure. We're born tabula rasa, and we acquire values and social norms and kindness, a sense of justice and such. Even years ago, I was not opened to the idea of different sexualities. I learnt to be tolerant and accepting, even if I don't understand it or it has nothing to do with my life. I also learnt to stop insulting people because they can easily beat me up (😂. I tried to be like that on NL in the beginning, but the mad people here outweigh the normalz. They will always provoke, and come for you first).

So I get how the "stuff" that are considered feminine may be taught in that respect, but note that, all the things I listed were not packaged as a COURSE, and being sold to people.

While there are universal stuff that make a relationship work and these could be taught in a relationship seminar/marriage coaching (I mean, after all, we take career courses to elevate our social standing, and emotional intelligence/crises management classes for HR personnel), these things are never presented as a feminine/masculine dichotomy. You don't learn to manage conflict because you're a man, but because you're a leader. You learn emotional intelligence and all that not because you're a woman, but because you want to improve your interpersonal skills and productivity level.

All of those 'feminine and masculine' qualities I can see in that chart up there are definitely admirable and worthy of being imbibed. Now when a woman inculcate those and truly see a change in her life, is it because it's a 'feminine' trait or a positive trait?

It's just like telling someone- be soft-spoken, listen attentively, be present, don't be quick to anger (many of which the Bible generally prescribe) and they actually bring a true change to one's quality of living, and you go away thinking, 'oh, it worked because it's femininity and it's fine-tuned to my nature.'

I don't know any normal woman who wouldn't want a man who is gentle and speaks softly to her😄. Or who is compassionate, considerate, kind, and vulnerable to her.

There is nothing we're doing today that our "ancestors" have not done.

Like primadonna O alluded, there is nothing new under the sun. Everything idea, principles and all are being recycled. We did not come up with these concepts of love, courtship, gender roles, etc. So if these femininity/masculinity stuff are really the DNA of intersexual relations, why do we keep 'losing' them? Our own parents subscribed to these things, the same way their parents subscribed to it, the same their parents before their parents did.

If the great, great, great-grandfather of a lineage was a masculine man married to a feminine woman in a successful marriage, they will give birth to more masculine boys and feminine girls, no? Who should in turn get married to their complimentary parts and produced more masculine and feminine children. My point is, at what point was that "perfect" blueprint lost? People in the past have been there and done that. I don't see how their relationships fared better than ours o, because ills like prostitution, rape, paternity fraud, "cheating" were rampant then o. Our mothers just learnt to shut up and lived with them. If you say our parents did not follow the masculine/feminine outline as they should, please, who did they learn from?

And many of them taught girls our generations too, who are still continuing it.

So nobody, absolutely nobody has the sole claim to their (own form of) femininity being the standard.

You say a woman should let a man lead, alright. A woman picked that and let a jobless man lead. She submits her salary to him, put his name on her properties, pass the ATM card to him under the table and he beat her, and goes frolicking with young girls (see the IG story), and you say that is not femininity?

If submissiveness is a feminine expression that activates the masculinity in a man, why did Osinachi's case and the story above turn out wrong?

You cannot say playing femininity unlocks the masculinity in a man and then say some men are a man-child who manhandle the feminine energy of a woman. So that means, be feminine all you want, it'll never make some men treat you right. But femininity is SUPPOSED to make him treat you right, right? So who is at fault? You see how this is subtly pushing the blame on the woman to be thinking, "oh, perhaps I am not doing this femininity thing, right?" When it is the man with a shitty behaviour.

It is either femininity activates masculinity, no exception—or it is not a fool-proof technique.


And then there's the transgender angle.

Act like a woman, talk like a woman, dress like a woman, be a woman. If femininity can be learnt, and if that's what makes us women, why can a male not learn those traits and declare himself a woman?

That's what the transwomen* I've come across online actually do. They rely on 'feminine stereotypes' to 'present as a woman'.

If a transgender presenting as a woman sound absurd to you, then it should sound absurd to you, too, to suggest to women to present as a woman.

I have never subscribed to gender roles in a conservative sense, and I am still not fùcking with it in a liberal sense.

Some transgenders also say they feel like a woman and have a "lady's brain", and if as a believer in femininity, you disagree with this, why? How can you disprove this since you also believe women and men are fundamentally different, and there's a way to feel like a woman? We should not simply call them feminine men, we should call them women since there's a rules and guidelines on being a woman, no?

If you don't believe that a man can become a woman by doing things women do, then that means doing those things are NOT what makes us women. We're women because we're the female sex. End of.

I'll end with this screenshot from ulxma below- if it has to be taught it's not natural, so we're not going against some grave natural stuff.

Yes, a feminine man would be the least desired because most women have been brought up to desire a 'manly' man; ditto for a masculine woman.

So yeah, while problems might actually arise from men and women not playing the roles expected of them, it is not because of biology but because of the social consequences. It's just a circular logic. I will treat a feminine woman right and maltreat a masculine women, so women are feminine and the man treats them right because of it's what he's come to expect and to deliver.

It is only when we face ourselves individually that we begin to see that we cannot conform to these thugs 100% of the time.

cc; Bukatyne

This thing is also funny to me because look at May Edochie and Anita Okoye.


From all indications, do they not appear like feminine women? So what went wrong in their marriages?

I went through that IG post and it was all one big yuck.

You want women to be mature and hold their own and also be like the U-22 girls men run after (for manipulative purposes o). Imagine thinking your average Instagram influencer is the face of femininity lol.

I really don't want to go into a judgement zone, but that IG poster must be highly deluded to think girls like Ivy are practicing "femininity" to get a man like Paul Okoye.

And it is also highly insulting to thousands of women out there, to infer that they are not feminine enough because they don't have banging bodies and face cards that eat.

Toke Makinwa and (Tonto Dikeh) also falls in the periphery of this category, are they feminine or not?

Because you can't tell me a Toke Makinwa or a Nengi isn't receiving from men, even if they have other legit sources of income. So are they qualified to teach femininity?

And what kind of successful masculine men are we talking about here?

Sam Adeyemi is as much a successful man as Obi Cubana in their various rights, so which of these two kind of men are chasing soft, U-22 girls who don't lift a thing, to control them?

Do you have to be Barbie-like to attract men of Sam Adeyemi's calibre? Would a man of such character be chasing his work secretaries and house maids? Would a man like him not appreciate an hard-working woman with her degrees?


So, let's not be confusing dogs who have money with men of substance o.

And note that the femininity as described in Folake's chart is different from petiteandfeminine's idea of femininity, as she's clearly painting a picture of a different woman below.

And I hope this poster is going on trips to the Bahamas and Maldives herself. 😑

folake4u:



True. I agree that there are women who don't want to be disrespected by men.

That IG post you shared is a common reality these days. It's so sad. I see some women babysitting their Men and I'm always amused by such.

This thing is also common in the southern parts of Nigeria. There are communities in Edo and Delta that the Women are sole providers and the men cross legs and balance at home doing nothing. You'd be shocked.

In Agbor, Delta State, it is women that ride okada bike, keke and bicycles.

The first time I visited there, I was culturally shocked.

Lol. I like some comments from Ybaby. Na sabi woman she be.

Ybaby:

bukatyne:


1. Don't mind the 'alfa meils'; most of them are hungry 'I never chop boys or young boys toying with things above their paygrade' that should be looking for jobs or admissions to higher institutions. When you hear things like 'all career women have sugar daddies' or 'they slept their way to the top' or 'XYZ' or 'where is the work of N100k/month in Nigeria?', you should know the calibre of people you are dealing with.

2. And they would continue to increase. Modern feminism and the West generally have continued to batter masculinity churning out feminine men. Then you have the scourge of single motherhood so no male examples for their sons who either grow up with mummy issues or hate their gender. Could be the reason we have more transgendering into females. Nigeria doesn't fare any better; the boys are brought out with fragile egos that they begin to cower around women who can hold her own and/or try to break her. Bullying is a sign of inferiority complex. I remember when men/guys had the patience to actually woo a lady and wait for her reply. Today, you hear 'are you doing or not doing' via WhatsApp! I love Bobby Valentino's Slow Down, it is a good old school music.

3. I love that you noticed that

A. Female friendships are fun. I also love female bosses, and as I grew more, I gravitated towards female underwear vendors. I can sit in your stall and tell you how I want thongs matching my bras and you will dig out various patterns for that purpose while we chit chat lightly. Yettymuse seems to be a G, she reminds me of Ybaby.

B. 100% pass mark. When you are done, you feel like a lady or a princess.

C. Warris this? I am sure I would have gotten a ban from the court or charged for contempt when I will tell someone sweetly that 'a gentleman in skirt is a crossdresser; I am a lady' . Represented my company in court once and giggled when I was told to address the female judge as 'Sir' and not ma. After the third giggle, she wanted to charge me for contempt and I received sense sharperly.

D. Femininity is powerful. I remember a lady in a tough role then. She would tell you no with a smile that you would 'pity her for the burden for saying no'. She was very beautiful, feminine, had a nice shape which wasn't so pronounced based in the cloths she wore. Then another lady took over (had badass figure , wasn't so feminine and had serious issues that she would dig out her predecessor's mail and be like see 'I am not trying to be difficult; even XYZ said no before'. That's when I learnt that femininity actually trumps sexiness.

5. It is really really key to find that balance when in a relationship. Leading in your masculinity would attract a feminine man; Perhaps she got a masculine man or a man in the middle if the relationship progresses and the woman continues in her masculinity, he would either leave her in that relationship (physically or emotionally) or tilt towards feminine. Some people are not grounded in their 'sexuality' and tilt towards the opposite end of the energy received from their partners. That's why a man can be 'irresponsible' or not manly with woman A and become a perfect gentleman with woman B. Or a woman is a tigress with man A and becomes a dove with man B.

E. You are welcome. And I apologise that I have and would continue to spam your mentions as I redirect peeps to that post.

Hathor5:


And I would tell you that the average man in the West is more secure in himself than his Nigerian counterpart.

Our brothers are too narcissistic and narcissism emanates from low self esteem.
Compare the two men and what's obtainable today and your answer lies therein.
A Nigerian man can't stand his counterpart anywhere in the world face to face boldly without peeing on his pant.
I have to research on what causes this low self esteem among our men. It's not poverty. It may be ingrained from childhood.

descarado:

Our brothers are too narcissistic and narcissism emanates from low self esteem.
Compare the two men and what's obtainable today and your answer lies therein.
A Nigerian man can't stand his counterpart anywhere in the world face to face boldly without peeing on his pant.
I have to research on what causes this low self esteem among our men. It's not poverty. It may be ingrained from childhood.

Let me know what research says if you find anything interesting.

folake4u:
Good evening ladies and happy new month 💋 😘 😗

I saw this Instagram post and decided to bring here for our discussion. What do you think? Especially for the writeup on the body of the post on IG?

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cs6lbidIvki/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Take away questions:
1. What do you understand by a lady being feminine or what I usually call (Queen and Princess state of mind here on NL)

2. Do you think a woman can be a high flyer and still retain her femininity

3. If yes to 2, how?

4. If no to 2, do you believe a woman can have a successful functional relationship without it?

5. Any other thoughts around the topic.

Sorry for the late response, that is the opinion of the lady and not necessarily a fact for everyone else. When people focus on the femininity of women it enhances the idea that trans women can be women (no prejudice against transpeople, but this Christian woman will not believe that transwomen are women so she is shooting herself on the foot) since all it takes to be a woman is to act feminine. Also every human being has the masculine and feminine side or energy so attributing womanhood to feminity alone makes no sense because it means women should suppress their masculine side. Who told people that someone must be masculine or feminine alone? What on earth is wrong with embracing what works for you. For your questions.

1). What I understand by a lady being feminine in the context of religious people is simply being a doormat, walkover, someone that should be subsevient and not in anyway outspoken.

2). I believe so, the two can work together and I think we should correct the notion that masculinity alone is what is responsible for making one a highflyer. Feminine energies such as intuition, creativity and sensitivity are good for business and corporate affairs and even politics and these are high flying positions.

3). I believe I have explained this in 2.
4).I just want to chip in something here both parties should in my view embrace both sides I cannot be with a man who is not sensitive, nurturing,vulnerable, compassionate and empathic to feelings and those around him. Same way I will be practical, purpose driven, disciplined and much more(masculine energy) towards him. We grow and develop this way because we are striving to be good. Although not every feminine or masculine energy should be embraced but they can work together.
5). My view on the topic is in my opening comment also its a non-coherent topic it makes no actual sense, not even based on data or even biblical backing.

Eunoiaa:


Yes. It's me, your Royal Highness.

It's really been a long while.

Na community service I dey do for this account for the meantime jare.

Remain blessed.

cococandy:


What’s a high flyer? I don’t want to assume I know what you mean by that to avoid misinterpretation.

But on the topic of femininity, there’s this new internet wave of what it means to be feminine where young girls are being led to believe that being feminine means you must be soft, demure and in deference to men. Literally what our foremothers fought against years ago is being repackaged and sold to young women as the new standard of femininity.

Hashtag soft feminine life.

Usually they use it when they are displaying themselves in what they assume to be a luxurious lifestyle provided by a man and in which they don’t really have to do anything except to be young and beautiful, cater to the man, allow him his excesses and be apologetic for their existence as long as he holds up his own end of the deal which is to give them money. Which is great if that’s a well informed choice they are making for themselves seeing as that would no longer be applicable as soon the lady in question turns 45-50 years old. Thus setting in resentment later in life.

Personally I believe femininity is subjective and no two women can be feminine in the same exact way. There are so many varieties of women. Quiet, soft spoken, strong, matronly, demure, quick witted and brave. Each person will display their femininity based on their personality and style. There are women who are born leaders even when amongst men. But because of traditional expectations that they defer to men, their leadership qualities are wasted on the alter catering to men’s “natural authority”. Which can lead to frustration.

Just be yourself. Do what makes you happy. If a woman has to put up an act to appear more feminine and more appealing according to what is expected of her as female, then that’s not her brand of femininity.

I’ll add more when I get a clear meaning of what high flyer refers to. Thank you for the topic of the day

Words on marble. I admire your intellectual submissions.

Eunoiaa:




Seee, lol.

This topic is HIGHLY subjective, so it'll all just boil down to our differing opinions - and perhaps going back and forth.

The fact that it's a "taught" thing in my opinion is the first foul.

I understand that we learn other things in our lives, sure. We're born tabula rasa, and we acquire values and social norms and kindness, a sense of justice and such. Even years ago, I was not opened to the idea of different sexualities. I learnt to be tolerant and accepting, even if I don't understand it or it has nothing to do with my life. I also learnt to stop insulting people because they can easily beat me up (😂. I tried to be like that on NL in the beginning, but the mad people here outweigh the normalz. They will always provoke, and come for you first).

So I get how the "stuff" that are considered feminine may be taught in that respect, but note that, all the things I listed were not packaged as a COURSE, and being sold to people.

While there are universal stuff that make a relationship work and these could be taught in a relationship seminar/marriage coaching (I mean, after all, we take career courses to elevate our social standing, and emotional intelligence/crises management classes for HR personnel), these things are never presented as a feminine/masculine dichotomy. You don't learn to manage conflict because you're a man, but because you're a leader. You learn emotional intelligence and all that not because you're a woman, but because you want to improve your interpersonal skills and productivity level.

All of those 'feminine and masculine' qualities I can see in that chart up there are definitely admirable and worthy of being imbibed. Now when a woman inculcate those and truly see a change in her life, is it because it's a 'feminine' trait or a positive trait?

It's just like telling someone- be soft-spoken, listen attentively, be present, don't be quick to anger (many of which the Bible generally prescribe) and they actually bring a true change to one's quality of living, and you go away thinking, 'oh, it worked because it's femininity and it's fine-tuned to my nature.'

I don't know any normal woman who wouldn't want a man who is gentle and speaks softly to her😄. Or who is compassionate, considerate, kind, and vulnerable to her.

There is nothing we're doing today that our "ancestors" have not done.

Like primadonna O alluded, there is nothing new under the sun. Everything idea, principles and all are being recycled. We did not come up with these concepts of love, courtship, gender roles, etc. So if these femininity/masculinity stuff are really the DNA of intersexual relations, why do we keep 'losing' them? Our own parents subscribed to these things, the same way their parents subscribed to it, the same their parents before their parents did.

If the great, great, great-grandfather of a lineage was a masculine man married to a feminine woman in a successful marriage, they will give birth to more masculine boys and feminine girls, no? Who should in turn get married to their complimentary parts and produced more masculine and feminine children. My point is, at what point was that "perfect" blueprint lost? People in the past have been there and done that. I don't see how their relationships fared better than ours o, because ills like prostitution, rape, paternity fraud, "cheating" were rampant then o. Our mothers just learnt to shut up and lived with them. If you say our parents did not follow the masculine/feminine outline as they should, please, who did they learn from?

And many of them taught girls our generations too, who are still continuing it.

So nobody, absolutely nobody has the sole claim to their (own form of) femininity being the standard.

You say a woman should let a man lead, alright. A woman picked that and let a jobless man lead. She submits her salary to him, put his name on her properties, pass the ATM card to him under the table and he beat her, and goes frolicking with young girls (see the IG story), and you say that is not femininity?

If submissiveness is a feminine expression that activates the masculinity in a man, why did Osinachi's case and the story above turn out wrong?

You cannot say playing femininity unlocks the masculinity in a man and then say some men are a man-child who manhandle the feminine energy of a woman. So that means, be feminine all you want, it'll never make some men treat you right. But femininity is SUPPOSED to make him treat you right, right? So who is at fault? You see how this is subtly pushing the blame on the woman to be thinking, "oh, perhaps I am not doing this femininity thing, right?" When it is the man with a shitty behaviour.

It is either femininity activates masculinity, no exception—or it is not a fool-proof technique.


And then there's the transgender angle.

Act like a woman, talk like a woman, dress like a woman, be a woman. If femininity can be learnt, and if that's what makes us women, why can a male not learn those traits and declare himself a woman?

That's what the transwomen* I've come across online actually do. They rely on 'feminine stereotypes' to 'present as a woman'

If a transgender presenting as a woman sound absurd to you, then it should sound absurd to you, too, to suggest to women to present as a woman.

I have never subscribed to gender roles in a conservative sense, and I am still not fùcking with it in a liberal sense.

Some transgenders also say they feel like a woman and have a "lady's brain", and if as a believer in femininity, you disagree with this, why? How can you disprove this since you also believe women and men are fundamentally different, and there's a way to feel like a woman? We should not simply call them feminine men, we should call them women since there's a rules and guidelines on being a woman, no?

If you don't believe that a man can become a woman by doing things women do, then that means doing those things are NOT what makes us women. We're women because we're the female sex. End of.

I'll end with this screenshot from ulxma below- if it has to be taught it's not natural, so we're not going against some grave natural stuff.

Yes, a feminine man would be the least desired because most women have been brought up to desire a 'manly' man; ditto for a masculine woman.

So yeah, while problems might actually arise from men and women not playing the roles expected of them, it is not because of biology but because of the social consequences. It's just a circular logic. I will treat a feminine woman right and maltreat a masculine women, so women are feminine and the man treats them right because of it's what he's come to expect and to deliver.

It is only when we face ourselves individually that we begin to see that we cannot conform to these thugs 100% of the time.

cc; Bukatyne

@bold, this is similar to what I just gave in my response to folake4u. This is what Germaine Greer warned about. Lol you have a solid argument.