₦airaland Forum

Just tell her you're broke and see, check her reaction and how she's willing to get your back on track. Start from there.

Immediately you get married to her and she gets pregnant and starts bearing children that's the end. I nearly fall into such marriage but thank God I avoided it. The country is too hard now for a family to depend on a single source of income. She's not a graduate so the hope of getting a better job is out of it.

She doesn't have any skill or business experience which makes it even more difficult.

She might be acting timid and loving now until after marriage when she will show you her full colour.

siofra:
Break up with her. Shikena!

You both are not compatible, what more do you want to hear again

Leave her, let her find a provider, generous husband that she can depend on 100% I don't know why stingy men like to make women suffer.

God bless you jare...

Magnoliaa:
Everyday, different wahala.

NL boys are coming to advise you sha. The people who so love a woman who wants to stay at home and do nothing.

Bonjour Princesse!

Let's reconcile, please?

She might be lazy but she's not completely useless. Really find out what she loves passionately and try to see how u can monetize that thing even if the returns are little at least that will keep her engaged and happy at the same time. Or better still just give me her number. No woman complete. If na just say she lazy, I fit dey ginja her. So long as she's loyal and respectful to my government we're good

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

Lol.. She's a pure definition of OBIAGELI..

No need to stress yourself because she's has concluded to be a solid housewife in future..

I don't see any issues here...as a man you have to weigh your options and set your priorities cos nobody can be perfect...you are obviously looking for an economic partner and not a wife...what if you get a resourceful 9-5 woman who is unfaithful or a narcist..what are you gonna do? open another thread??

Runnerzz:
She might be lazy but she's not completely useless. Really find out what she loves passionately and try to see how u can monetize that thing even if the returns are little at least that will keep her engaged and happy at the same time. Or better still just give me her number. No woman complete. If na just say she lazy, I fit dey ginja her. So long as she's loyal and respectful to my government we're good

Loyalty and submission is all that matters to me...obviously the op is looking for a business partner...he better be careful what he wishes for

Not being resourceful is a different thing,being lazy and don't know when to tidy up a dirty house is worst,ur house will be full of rats and cockroach, children are always close to the mother so they will take her as role model,I know a couple like that

Sandralight:
It's obvious you are a very ambitious person and your girlfriend is not.
She is not bad, not everyone is goal driven and some ladies grow up with the mindset that the man should provide all their needs and no matter what you do, you can't change that.
From my perspective I think your girlfriend will hardly change, you will keep pushing and pushing until you are tired and even if she does something now once she start giving birth she might use that as an excuse to stop doing any work so if you want to be with her just know you might take 100% of the responsibility and if that's not to your liking you can break up now.

Ask yourself whether you like her enough to take care of all her responsibilities or you just like her because from your post she is a virgin and she loves you.

Thank you

Magnoliaa:
Everyday, different wahala.

NL boys are coming to advise you sha. The people who so love a woman who wants to stay at home and do nothing.

Hello 👑

Say a word.

Call me stupid, an idiot , a terrible person, anything, please.

Reply with a dot or quote me without a reply.

Make a young man happy today, please?

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

No one is perfect

At the end of the day we men marry the complete opposite of what we need in a woman likewise the women too, no one is perfect

Sit down talk to her on reasons she should focus on business, if she isn't listen marry her and start instilling discipline on her , at that time she already trapped with you ,I belive she won't have no choice again

So many red flags there bro. Marry and be ready to be dragged backwards cus of yeye love. Na you go take care of baby. . After so much stress you go come look older than ur age

There are some positives in what I've read and there are the green and red lights u here blinking
Now u already know she's not productive, no goals she's very probably heading to being a full-time house wife and will depend on u 100 percent for needs even from her family(no forget o)
Now my question for u is "are u capable of handling her needs, ur needs, the needs of ur future family with her, her family's needs ND ur family too...if yes go ahead n I pray u are more successful than u ever imagined but if no please look for another lady who is productive.

Peace be unto u✌️

Victor2707:
Don't lower your standards for anyone.

The purpose of a woman is to take care your children while you provide, protect, and lead her.

If want her to have something doing, then;

Start up a small business in your name based on what you know she can handle, teach her how to run the business, and employ her as the manager. She must always report to you.

Stop asking her what she wants to do, tell her what to do.

Be a leader, she will follow.

If she doesn't follow, dump her because she doesn't respect to you.

Do all these for adult ? Even while the man is also fighting for his life. You guys should always be fair.

@op. My only piece of note is, you can't change anyone, don't even try or think you can, change can only come from within. That kind of lady will run down any business you open for her, she just want her man to be everything while she finds every excuse not to be responsible. Do you wanna raise kids like her or with her, is that the kinda kids you wish or want, a woman that doesn't have a drive, in this new world. She will also not be smart enough to have a convo with. It is so much and might exhaust you with time.

Sandralight:
It's obvious you are a very ambitious person and your girlfriend is not.
She is not bad, not everyone is goal driven and some ladies grow up with the mindset that the man should provide all their needs and no matter what you do, you can't change that.
From my perspective I think your girlfriend will hardly change, you will keep pushing and pushing until you are tired and even if she does something now once she start giving birth she might use that as an excuse to stop doing any work so if you want to be with her just know you might take 100% of the responsibility and if that's not to your liking you can break up now.

Ask yourself whether you like her enough to take care of all her responsibilities or you just like her because from your post she is a virgin and she loves you.

I wish I could wife you already. Bless your heart

Some comments in this discussion is fueled out of hatred and jealousy for which indicates that the OP is doing well in life and other unfortunate guys, instead of keeping mute when they have no tangible thing to contribute will rather wish the OP bad and dish out wrong advice.....

Bros OP, 3 indicators you need to look out for in a lady to have certainty of a peaceful home

Make sure she loves you more than you love her

She must be very submissive and loyal.

Virgin, good mannered, not temperamental, and educated..


Bro you can adjust and groom every other aspect to your taste and perfection if you have the virtue of a patient man.

Mr man stop writing long epistle,leave her if she is not fitting into your type of woman,stop looking at people on the internet to decide for you,nor be everybody want to become millionaires or billionaires,some people just want a simple life so if you are not the type that wants a simple wife or a stay at home wife,now is the time to go,stop destroying someone you claim to love on the internet where nobody including me don't give a damn about you.

Lanmon:
There are some positives in what I've read and there are the green and red lights u here blinking
Now u already know she's not productive, no goals she's very probably heading to being a full-time house wife and will depend on u 100 percent for needs even from her family(no forget o)
Now my question for u is "are u capable of handling her needs, ur needs, the needs of ur future family with her, her family's needs ND ur family too...if yes go ahead n I pray u are more successful than u ever imagined but if no please look for another lady who is productive.

Peace be unto u✌️

God bless you

flexxyworld:
Do all these for adult ? Even while the man is also fighting for his life. You guys should always be fair.

@op. My only piece of note is, you can't change anyone, don't even try or think you can, change can only come from within. That kind of lady will run down any business you open for her, she just want her man to be everything while she finds every excuse not to be responsible. Do you wanna raise kids like her or with her, is that the kinda kids you wish or want, a woman that doesn't have a drive, in this new world. She will also not be smart enough to have a convo with. It is so much and might exhaust you with time.

Thanks

Steady259:
Some comments in this discussion is fueled out of hatred and jealousy for which indicates that the OP is doing well in life and other unfortunate guys, instead of keeping mute when they have no tangible thing to contribute will rather wish the OP bad and dish out wrong advice.....

Bros OP, 3 indicators you need to look out for in a lady to have certainty of a peaceful home

Make sure she loves you more than you love her

She must be very submissive and loyal.

Virgin, good mannered, not temperamental, and educated..


Bro you can adjust and groom every other aspect to your taste and perfection if you have the virtue of a patient man.

Thanks

Blazebond:
Mr man stop writing long epistle,leave her if she is not fitting into your type of woman,stop looking at people on the internet to decide for you,nor be everybody want to become millionaires or billionaires,some people just want a simple life so if you are not the type that wants a simple wife or a stay at home wife,now is the time to go,stop destroying someone you claim to love on the internet where nobody including me don't give a damn about you.

Why are u this bitter?.... If you read the article well, I highlighted that the decision to continue or withdraw is solely mine, however, a piece of advice would do.

Secondly, I am not destroying anyone cos no identity was published. I even withheld the type of commodity she wanted to trade - I was being discreet.

Lastly, You were not forced to comment, just take your bitter self somewhere else....... Neither do I give a rat's ass about you.

Op you sound like a strong minded person and a commanding type too,do this,do that guy free the girl first...try not providing for her for a short while if you are the one doing it,and get her to think of her favorite,I feel she's still growing, please before you use someone child as footmat with your demands...if she's working now,no time this and that,now calm down and recheck if she's not to your standards free her abeg.

Manage her o.
Would u prefer a 'resourceful' but foul-haractered woman instead?

What a man needs in a woman is majorly a house -wife, ie a keeper above all other thing.

All u just need to do is up ur tempo in ur own resourcefulness to balance the 'shortfall' from her side.

😎

[color=orange]Op is a Lady claiming to be Man.

💯 [/color]

Oluromantic:
She will bro. Be optimistic

hhhhmmm this is Nigeria

Great man. I like this...This is encouraging.

Oluromantic:
My advice is to give a little more push. I'm saying this because most resourceful ladies might also find it difficult to submit. I know there may be a lot of ranting and criticisms about submission but I'm giving you a honest advice as a realist for your future. Nothing makes you a fulfilled man than to have a resourceful wife that allows you to be in charge: such women are very rare. Once they can work hard on their own, submission with their money gradually slides out...it's psychological.

Now considering the fact that you can't find all you need in one person, you have to weigh your options which emphasizes the role of grooming. Grooming means training her to soothe your taste or standard. To be frank, it might not be a sweet experience at first but it's worth it. The point is you're not ready yet, when you're ready, you will drill her seriously and your love for her is the fuel. I did it for my wife. Anything that gives you peace of mind as you said; that she has good character, should be seriously guided and guarded. Only few women will give you such peace despite their imperfections.

Start from a small level, get her a shop if you can afford it to start selling provisions or likely things and monitor her totally so far she's not pissed to say you're domineering. In my case, my wife enjoyed my control and that made it easy for me. She said she likes the disciplinary love and that someone is mad over her. Now she's super-productive, she even charges me for her services and collects her money promptly. Business is business. I trained her.

Guy, try date another girl aside and see the diff.

If you don't want her, then let her go & stop wasting her time. Simple and short. There many fish in the sea & she will definitely get her catch somewhere else. That includes you too (Mr Resourceful).

livenija:
Lol a virgin lol u dey give ur self hope, no wonder u wan die put, she never give u do u dey call her virgin 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

So you expect the girl to have sex with him before he confirm she's a virgin?

Ok
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