₦airaland Forum

Teach her

If really she is a nice person, submissive and respectful I would marry her if I was in your shoes.

I am not asking you to do so though.
We are made differently and wired differently too.

I know many enterprising and hard working women who are not submissive.
They make their own money and hence are independent, this in turn gets Into their heads.

I am sure their husbands would rather love it the other way.

Different strokes for different folks.


Don't be deceived, marrying a hard working woman who will end up frustrating you in marriage is not something you desire.

Yes, there are women who are goal driven, resourful, hardworking and submissive , a total package. But how many of them are out there,not many.

Choose wisely for the sake of peace of mind and marital happiness.
The last thing you will want after working your ass out out there is to return to the arm of one disrespectful wife who thinks she can do whatever she likes because she is financially independent.

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

Go and discourse with her not to bring the matter here.

This days I see teenagers looking for ways to start up their own business or trying hard to learn a skill but it's clear your girl might be lazy or not ambitious and may just want to get married and become a full house wife, plus she's not well trained because it's not normal for a Nigerian lady to visit her inlaw not do house chores especially sweeping, infact if you visit any family apart from your family as a lady who is well trained you don't need anyone to tell you to join others for house chores. And as for her school, she maybe hiding something from you, maybe she unable to graduate and the school sent her away or malpractice or something she s ashamed to tell you. She s going to depend on you 100%. Maybe you should spend more time with her to be able to know her better and then take your decision.

Oluromantic:
The change process is not in marriage, it's during dating

only if u know people pretend to get what they want

siofra:
Yes, how is that your business, sir
Are you the simp that will take care of her? Women have the right to choose whoever they want just as men want virgins and girls with big nyash. And women will choose generous, wealthy simps.

I am already weeping for your husband. Kaii!

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

What other matured advice do you need from us when everything is so clear to understand you are about to make the biggest mistake of your life by marrying a full time House wife, funny enough house wife that doesn't like doing house chores, she will depend on you for every of her needs financially, this doesn't make sense to me , put that your sentiment and love of her virginity aside and face the reality that you gonna end up with a lazy life partner, a resourceful woman compliment her husband it's a huge relief financially , things are too hard in this country for one person to be carrying the family alone except you are super Rich, even if you are you still need someone to manage that wealth and improve on it not the one that will lavish your wealth, be wise , use your senses.

I love everything about your comments most especially the part that you said #BUSINESS is BUSINESS, I love that the most.
Thombs up for you Bro

nonny1212:
Op read this twice for 3 days

No man wants to be with a woman who doesn't want to be advanced.
How can someone open a multi business for you yet every now and then you go still dey call me for one nonsense or the other.
It's pathetic.

If nah hook up work with good price I think she will work.

U can't have it all

Steady259:
Some comments in this discussion is fueled out of hatred and jealousy for which indicates that the OP is doing well in life and other unfortunate guys, instead of keeping mute when they have no tangible thing to contribute will rather wish the OP bad and dish out wrong advice.....

Bros OP, 3 indicators you need to look out for in a lady to have certainty of a peaceful home

Make sure she loves you more than you love her

She must be very submissive and loyal.

Virgin, good mannered, not temperamental, and educated..


Bro you can adjust and groom every other aspect to your taste and perfection if you have the virtue of a patient man.

u are obviously a kid

The best attitude of a woman is when she hasn’t gotten d ring, read many stories of married men in family section

Once she gets d ring n she gives birth to just 1 that’s all

No matter the complain u give about her people will always tell u to endure n b a man n that’s when they will b telling u super stories of people that have endured, u will get tired of complaining about her to d extent that u won’t want to complain again n that’s where resentment sets in

That’s when u see men avoid their wives n seek solace outside, see no matter your complain in marriage they will always tell u divorce is the last option

See the best thing is don’t enter at all, once u enter u don enter b dat oo

Even when they see say your strong head wan dey too much na to apply juju for the matter

Me I dey tell u real life matters

Ana akogheri. You will just wake up and take the risk of starting a business for someone who doesn't want to try something. Someone who's not ambitious. Someone who's inexperienced and lazy. You think running business successfully is child's play.
Someone like her needs to develop herself first by being employed, so she can blend with others and learn work ethics. There are some certain traits that she needs to overcome first of - timidity, fear, laxity. She has a long way to go going by what @Op want. She equally strike as a not so intelligent lady

Victor2707:
Don't lower your standards for anyone.

The purpose of a woman is to take care your children while you provide, protect, and lead her.

If want her to have something doing, then;

Start up a small business in your name based on what you know she can handle, teach her how to run the business, and employ her as the manager. She must always report to you.

Stop asking her what she wants to do, tell her what to do.

Be a leader, she will follow.

If she doesn't follow, dump her because she doesn't respect to you.

qtguru:
Personally, if I love someone, I will always cater to the person's inadequacies, I believe no one is perfect, so while a career might not be her thing, there could be something for her, I would advise you, you tell her to at least attend some of this online seminars, we are currently having one coming soon.

it's called Upgrade 2.0 it talks about the potential in humans and how they can better themselves.

But the economy is harsh, so if you can't deal with that, it's within your rights.

Personally, I would be okay with someone like your babe.

u don’t even care to know why she didn’t graduate self?

.

My advice on this matter is. You can not make someone be ready for what you are ready for.

BATified2023:
u don’t even care to know why she didn’t graduate self?

I'm not too big on school, I take more value in entrepreneurial skills.

qtguru:
I'm not too big on school, I take more value in entrepreneurial skills.

if she can’t do basic schooling while all her counterparts are doing it n can’t seize d opportunity of a good man to start business

U think she will have time for your course abi?

I wonder how people even introduce babe wey no go school give their parents self?
At least that should b d first entry point in life, graduate of any school be it monotechnic

Lol

You just like vawulence

siofra:
Break up with her. Shikena!

You both are not compatible, what more do you want to hear again

Leave her, let her find a provider, generous husband that she can depend on 100% I don't know why stingy men like to make women suffer.

Forget most nigerian girls , many of them are useless if toy dont know today just take it

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

foolish men like you still exist?🫤

Please change your name to bobrisky because both of you share the same stupidity

Later in life this ediot will blaming innocent village people for his downfall

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

No go marry olodo in this dispensation oo cus e go choke for your side. Marrying a lazy woman is the worse mistake to make cus all responsibilities will be on you while she makes no financial or intellectual contribution to the family. I hope she's not a University dropout or can't cope with a lot of carryovers.

Think well before you make that decision. Love is not enough in marriage.

My brother, pls don't follow dumb advices. What u see now is a child play to what u will see in marriage. Don't settle for less, women too will never settle for less. The level of quality of your wife will greatly determine the quality of your life, family and marriage, and how far u will go in life. Do not prepare to spend most part of your productive life on shouting, correcting, argueing, and training a redundant life whose parents have failed and also given up on. You are not a messiah. You have a chance now to go for what u want bcs after marrying the wrong person, gate closed.

She's timid and lazy. In fact, she didn't do well while in school that is why she's reluctant to visit the school again.
She'd bent on marriage and full-time housewife.
If you can't be that generous rich husband, or ready to push her endlessly, leave her. You may not be her destined husband moreover she lacked your taste, fashy virginity...not a criterion. Most virgins are timid and introverted just like her.

Never give up on the push for her to achieve her set goals, there might be need for one on one discussion trying to figure out her likes and dislikes which can be used to develop her passion.

I feel her background might not have exposed her to the hustling spirit as your own side but if you truly love her, you would not give up.
The reward is a great one afterwards, bet me..

Humble, trustworthy and decent girls are hard to see in this our recent times, it takes the grace of God for one to meet a 80% self made lady who has the earlier mentioned characteristics.

I pray the almighty guide you in all your endeavours but truth is that YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ALL.

If the cons of marrying her outweighs the advantages, then you should use your tongue and count your teeth.... Get it?

Oda e no dey complete finish.

Hold your woman like that

Entanglement:
foolish men like you still exist?🫤

Please change your name to bobrisky because both of you share the same stupidity

Later in life this ediot will blaming innocent village people for his downfall

Why did you abuse me? It shows how you were raised - failed parenting

BATified2023:
if she can’t do basic schooling while all her counterparts are doing it n can’t seize d opportunity of a good man to start business

U think she will have time for your course abi?

I wonder how people even introduce babe wey no go school give their parents self?
At least that should b d first entry point in life, graduate of any school be it monotechnic

That is why I advised OP to take her to a seminar, there is something she can do that exists outside the realm of school unless her issue is more of laziness than intellectualism.

Most times I believe people are not exposed to different options of what they could be doing, if they know what exists they might find the interest to give it a try. so OP has to encourage her develop herself, but i get your point.

owolabiza:
Never give up on the push for her to achieve her set goals, there might be need for one on one discussion trying to figure out her likes and dislikes which can be used to develop her passion.

I feel her background might not have exposed her to the hustling spirit as your own side but if you truly love her, you would not give up.
The reward is a great one afterwards, bet me..

Humble, trustworthy and decent girls are hard to see in this our recent times, it takes the grace of God for one to meet a 80% self made lady who has the earlier mentioned characteristics.

I pray the almighty guide you in all your endeavours but truth is that YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ALL.

Thanks and God bless you

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.

Firstly, character makes a happy marriage.

List the values that are most important to you.

1) Can you marry a lazy woman who is easy going?

2) How certain are you about her vaginity — pray and open your eyes to study her true person. ( Observe how she treats minors, people under her etc).

3) Generally, does she give you peace of mind.

4) If she doesn't have those values that you find most important, your marriage might work — but you might not be happy.

She should go and wash her head in a river , book you no no , business ideas nothing , even skill mbanu

Out of the 3 things , at least you should be able to come up with one even though you're not too brainy , be good in other areas.

Person wey get head no get cap , the one wey get cap , no head to wear am , this life no balance.

When men says they want a woman who's submissive, are they saying that they want a woman who will encourage their womanizing habit Cos I don't really understand the true meaning of submission according to Nigeria standard.

The one I'm familiar with is that of the Bible.