₦airaland Forum

boborosky:
Why did you abuse me? It shows how you were raised - failed parenting

Oluromantic:
My advice is to give a little more push. I'm saying this because most resourceful ladies might also find it difficult to submit. I know there may be a lot of ranting and criticisms about submission but I'm giving you a honest advice as a realist for your future. Nothing makes you a fulfilled man than to have a resourceful wife that allows you to be in charge: such women are very rare. Once they can work hard on their own, submission with their money gradually slides out...it's psychological.

Now considering the fact that you can't find all you need in one person, you have to weigh your options which emphasizes the role of grooming. Grooming means training her to soothe your taste or standard. To be frank, it might not be a sweet experience at first but it's worth it. The point is you're not ready yet, when you're ready, you will drill her seriously and your love for her is the fuel. I did it for my wife. Anything that gives you peace of mind as you said; that she has good character, should be seriously guided and guarded. Only few women will give you such peace despite their imperfections.

Start from a small level, get her a shop if you can afford it to start selling provisions or likely things and monitor her totally so far she's not pissed to say you're domineering. In my case, my wife enjoyed my control and that made it easy for me. She said she likes the disciplinary love and that someone is mad over her. Now she's super-productive, she even charges me for her services and collects her money promptly. Business is business. I trained her.

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

kalufelix:
Loyalty and submission is all that matters to me...obviously the op is looking for a business partner...he better be careful what he wishes for

BreezyRita:
You think the decision to go ahead with the marriage or not rests solely on you? 😂😂
What if she rejects your proposal?

I don't know sha. Some people are like that, lukewarm in all things.

I found myself saying ah ahnnn when you said it is expected for a prospective wife to wake up and sweep te day after she arrives in your family. Ahhhh
So you want a resourceful woman who will also double as the help in your family?
I hope you find her.

Because this your family tradition no gel at all

Do better when you start your own family o.

boborosky:
Thank you

Allisgud:
Not being resourceful is a different thing,being lazy and don't know when to tidy up a dirty house is worst,ur house will be full of rats and cockroach, children are always close to the mother so they will take her as role model,I know a couple like that

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

siofra:
Break up with her. Shikena!

You both are not compatible, what more do you want to hear again

Leave her, let her find a provider, generous husband that she can depend on 100% I don't know why stingy men like to make women suffer.

isabi2lof:
She should go and wash her head in a river , book you no no , business ideas nothing , even skill mbanu

Out of the 3 things , at least you should be able to come up with one even though you're not too brainy , be good in other areas.

Person wey get head no get cap , the one wey get cap , no head to wear am , this life no balance.

When men says they want a woman who's submissive, are they saying that they want a woman who will encourage their womanizing habit Cos I don't really understand the true meaning of submission according to Nigeria standard.

The one I'm familiar with is that of the Bible.

Oluromantic:
My advice is to give a little more push. I'm saying this because most resourceful ladies might also find it difficult to submit. I know there may be a lot of ranting and criticisms about submission but I'm giving you a honest advice as a realist for your future. Nothing makes you a fulfilled man than to have a resourceful wife that allows you to be in charge: such women are very rare. Once they can work hard on their own, submission with their money gradually slides out...it's psychological.

Now considering the fact that you can't find all you need in one person, you have to weigh your options which emphasizes the role of grooming. Grooming means training her to soothe your taste or standard. To be frank, it might not be a sweet experience at first but it's worth it. The point is you're not ready yet, when you're ready, you will drill her seriously and your love for her is the fuel. I did it for my wife. Anything that gives you peace of mind as you said; that she has good character, should be seriously guided and guarded. Only few women will give you such peace despite their imperfections.

Start from a small level, get her a shop if you can afford it to start selling provisions or likely things and monitor her totally so far she's not pissed to say you're domineering. In my case, my wife enjoyed my control and that made it easy for me. She said she likes the disciplinary love and that someone is mad over her. Now she's super-productive, she even charges me for her services and collects her money promptly. Business is business. I trained her.

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?


Run o.
She will surely drag you backwards.
Virginity no be assets

Oluromantic:
My advice is to give a little more push. I'm saying this because most resourceful ladies might also find it difficult to submit. I know there may be a lot of ranting and criticisms about submission but I'm giving you a honest advice as a realist for your future. Nothing makes you a fulfilled man than to have a resourceful wife that allows you to be in charge: such women are very rare. Once they can work hard on their own, submission with their money gradually slides out...it's psychological.

Now considering the fact that you can't find all you need in one person, you have to weigh your options which emphasizes the role of grooming. Grooming means training her to soothe your taste or standard. To be frank, it might not be a sweet experience at first but it's worth it. The point is you're not ready yet, when you're ready, you will drill her seriously and your love for her is the fuel. I did it for my wife. Anything that gives you peace of mind as you said; that she has good character, should be seriously guided and guarded. Only few women will give you such peace despite their imperfections.

Start from a small level, get her a shop if you can afford it to start selling provisions or likely things and monitor her totally so far she's not pissed to say you're domineering. In my case, my wife enjoyed my control and that made it easy for me. She said she likes the disciplinary love and that someone is mad over her. Now she's super-productive, she even charges me for her services and collects her money promptly. Business is business. I trained her.

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

Oluromantic:
My advice is to give a little more push. I'm saying this because most resourceful ladies might also find it difficult to submit. I know there may be a lot of ranting and criticisms about submission but I'm giving you a honest advice as a realist for your future. Nothing makes you a fulfilled man than to have a resourceful wife that allows you to be in charge: such women are very rare. Once they can work hard on their own, submission with their money gradually slides out...it's psychological.

Now considering the fact that you can't find all you need in one person, you have to weigh your options which emphasizes the role of grooming. Grooming means training her to soothe your taste or standard. To be frank, it might not be a sweet experience at first but it's worth it. The point is you're not ready yet, when you're ready, you will drill her seriously and your love for her is the fuel. I did it for my wife. Anything that gives you peace of mind as you said; that she has good character, should be seriously guided and guarded. Only few women will give you such peace despite their imperfections.

Start from a small level, get her a shop if you can afford it to start selling provisions or likely things and monitor her totally so far she's not pissed to say you're domineering. In my case, my wife enjoyed my control and that made it easy for me. She said she likes the disciplinary love and that someone is mad over her. Now she's super-productive, she even charges me for her services and collects her money promptly. Business is business. I trained her.

Zuji15:

Oluromantic:
My advice is to give a little more push. I'm saying this because most resourceful ladies might also find it difficult to submit. I know there may be a lot of ranting and criticisms about submission but I'm giving you a honest advice as a realist for your future. Nothing makes you a fulfilled man than to have a resourceful wife that allows you to be in charge: such women are very rare. Once they can work hard on their own, submission with their money gradually slides out...it's psychological.

Now considering the fact that you can't find all you need in one person, you have to weigh your options which emphasizes the role of grooming. Grooming means training her to soothe your taste or standard. To be frank, it might not be a sweet experience at first but it's worth it. The point is you're not ready yet, when you're ready, you will drill her seriously and your love for her is the fuel. I did it for my wife. Anything that gives you peace of mind as you said; that she has good character, should be seriously guided and guarded. Only few women will give you such peace despite their imperfections.

Start from a small level, get her a shop if you can afford it to start selling provisions or likely things and monitor her totally so far she's not pissed to say you're domineering. In my case, my wife enjoyed my control and that made it easy for me. She said she likes the disciplinary love and that someone is mad over her. Now she's super-productive, she even charges me for her services and collects her money promptly. Business is business. I trained her.

BATified2023:
u are obviously a kid

The best attitude of a woman is when she hasn’t gotten d ring, read many stories of married men in family section

Once she gets d ring n she gives birth to just 1 that’s all

No matter the complain u give about her people will always tell u to endure n b a man n that’s when they will b telling u super stories of people that have endured, u will get tired of complaining about her to d extent that u won’t want to complain again n that’s where resentment sets in

That’s when u see men avoid their wives n seek solace outside, see no matter your complain in marriage they will always tell u divorce is the last option

See the best thing is don’t enter at all, once u enter u don enter b dat oo

Even when they see say your strong head wan dey too much na to apply juju for the matter

Me I dey tell u real life matters

siofra:
Break up with her. Shikena!

You both are not compatible, what more do you want to hear again

Leave her, let her find a provider, generous husband that she can depend on 100% I don't know why stingy men like to make women suffer.

boborosky:
...

Thanks, but what if she doesn't learn....?

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?