| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by Jefferyhi86(m): 11:24pm On Jun 14, 2023 |
Lol na that tight kitten be em goal.thay wouldn't let em change his mind on her, as em din see reserve toto livenija:
Lol a virgin lol u dey give ur self hope, no wonder u wan die put, she never give u do u dey call her virgin 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by Tessyraph: 4:49am On Jun 15, 2023 |
boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.
In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.
I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.
She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).
As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.
We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.
Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.
For matured folks.... What do you think?
She's probably not focused now because of the set back in school. Not graduating from school since 2019 till now is actually a serous issue enough to frustrate her but don't let them weigh her down. Guide her through, advise her, encourage her, energize her. If she doesn't still sit up, then threatene her with breakup; that may signal alot to her
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| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by Setursight(m): 8:21am On Jun 15, 2023 |
Op, wanting a "push" doesn't makes one a bad person not at all. Not everyone is born a self starter. That's how God make the world. We sometimes need a push from others to move forward or grow big. So she's perfectly understandable.
However, a situations where someone plainly lack the drive, enthusiasm, ambition for growth, regardless of how much she is being "pushed" is dangerous to you as you're both not in sync in that aspects.
I wouldn't say you abort mission, but if you continue and eventually get married, you might end up despising her. Tho, not due to her own fault, but due to her psychic make-up.
At the end , you're the sole decider whether or not you can live with her that way. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by adebo119: 8:34am On Jun 15, 2023 |
Laziness is a plaque. A word is enough... |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by emusmithyy(m): 8:50am On Jun 15, 2023 |
siofra:
Break up with her. Shikena!
You both are not compatible, what more do you want to hear again
Leave her, let her find a provider, generous husband that she can depend on 100% I don't know why stingy men like to make women suffer. Say you're dating a yahoo without giving much clues. You know what happens to leeches? |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by emusmithyy(m): 8:51am On Jun 15, 2023 |
TrainPark:
Better appreciate that good character ooo... e no reach 3 girls wey still gett am for this naija !!
Resourcefulness is a part of one's character. Her character is laziness. The kids will be laid-back and unkempt. 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by boborosky(m): 9:47am On Jun 15, 2023 |
Myer:
The irony of life.
You hate anyone who is lazy yet in the name of love you want to force yourself to marry a lazy woman.
I have a colleague whose wife is a type of your girlfriend and all I can say is he is not happily married. He laments every time over his wife.
Truth is laziness is a stronghold. She can however change but only with continual deliverance. You will be prepared to endure and have a lot of patience.
I perceive you're a believer so I guess the obvious question is have you prayed concerning her?
If you need divine direction for other needs, how much more for the wife you will spend the rest of your life with?
No one can determine a man's wife for him except him.
Any 2 persons can marry if God wills or allows it.
Life is spiritual, she already has the best part- good character and virginity.
However an unbending spirit and laziness is a combination that destroys marriages insidiously.
Mothers are pivotal to what becomes of a home.
I don't judge superficially, all I can say is that you should not rush the marriage at all.
Both of you should seek counsel from marriage counsellors in your church that you respect.
Start with prayer, continue with prayer, end with prayer.
You will get marriage right in Jesus name. Amen. Amen 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by Topsynene: 9:48am On Jun 15, 2023 |
TrainPark:
Better appreciate that good character ooo... e no reach 3 girls wey still gett am for this naija !!
Somebody cannot sweep in your family house, you say she has a good character 😂….. all you re seeing is pretense… try let her stay with you for a week you can judge her character better… 4 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by IamtheTruth1(m): 10:24am On Jun 15, 2023 |
boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.
In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.
I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.
She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).
As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.
We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.
Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.
For matured folks.... What do you think?
. Some people need constant directives. Not because they are lazy though. You can guide her man. Have u ever considered is there was ever a market for the commodity she initially wanted to produce before you aided her on it? Some many business ideas but the question is , do you see yourself making profit on the long run or you wil just continue wasting resources in the name of investment? Then for the school clearance ish… Man to get cleared in uni is something else. In Anambra State University, the clearance setup is tough. You can spend 4months trying to get someone to sign on your clearance sheet. You found a good woman man. Hold am tight 3 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by Kaffy2903(f): 10:48am On Jun 15, 2023 |
TrainPark:
My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character
But just out of curiosity, why the thing pain you so! which character is she good at?someone you are asking to do house chores in your mother's house apart from your family house any well brought up ladies should know she need to do some cleaning in the morning whether in her house or someone else house |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by BigBizzy(m): 10:51am On Jun 15, 2023 |
OP something dey worry you sha...
With your overly claim of hardwork, what haven't you made it to be overly sufficient? You still dey find person to find fault up and down.
Do you think you don't have flaws that she's managing?
All these small boys think say na so marriage dey.
Trust me, you're not ready to marry. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by XAUBulls: 11:01am On Jun 15, 2023 |
boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.
In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.
I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.
She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).
As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.
We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.
Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.
For matured folks.... What do you think?
She is not motivated enough. Let her go for paid-for seminars and workshops in entrepreneurship and more. Finance and course-related stress may have contributed to her having a delay in graduating. Information at my disposal indicates that these entry-level teachers earn as little as N20,000 or less per month! Also, not all businesses have high returns on investment, so you have to do your due diligence. Second, she should also take "free online personality tests" to find out what career paths will suit her temperament. People should always do what they love and things that have public demand or mass market demand. Third, a very good time and business management book I have in my home library and have read over again is the "80/20 Principle" by Robert Koch. Anyone can read that. If she is not motivated to do something beyond the teaching job, (such as organizing lessons or home tutoring, or profitable entrepreneurship, then ditch her). Period. 1 Like 1 Share |
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| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by tosinhtml: 11:56am On Jun 15, 2023 |
BreezyRita:
It's more interesting that the part in bold is all you saw in my comment. That was all you said. |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by tosinhtml: 12:08pm On Jun 15, 2023 |
boborosky:
Amen My personal advice is Don't Marry Her, let her know & move on. The reasons are simple, Inflation has gone more than 16.95% percent in Nigeria, 4th highest in the world Ref: macrotrends.net/countries/NGA/nigeria/inflation-rate-cpi . What this means is that we must work 5 times as hard we did in 2014. A man's salary is not even enough to even take care of a home in Nigeria anymore except you're living a sub-standard life or earning above 1Million naira. Both of you will have to work, do chores, take care of things. You need someone that is ready to work, earn money to keep you both above the water. What happens when you lose your job? Tech companies fired over 40% of their staff last year, this year jobs are hard to come by. What happens if you're the bread winner & your family is waiting for you to always put down the bread & your job is gone for 8 months or more. You will be the alpha & omega of the house, is that what you want? 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by BreezyRita(f): 12:36pm On Jun 15, 2023 |
tosinhtml:
That was all you said. If you insist. 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by Jaybee3456: 12:55pm On Jun 15, 2023 |
Merry100:
This is the mistake a lot of people make when picking a partner, they believe they can change their partner's attitude. He is doing himself and the lady a favour if doesn't marry her. Why force things? She will find someone that loves her the way she is and he will also find someone that his compatible with him. Change is inevitable, people do change.. this character was learnt and can be unlearnt |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by boborosky(m): 1:28pm On Jun 15, 2023 |
BigBizzy:
OP something dey worry you sha...
With your overly claim of hardwork, what haven't you made it to be overly sufficient? You still dey find person to find fault up and down.
Do you think you don't have flaws that she's managing?
All these small boys think say na so marriage dey.
Trust me, you're not ready to marry.
I just looked at your profile and if the picture you have there is anything like a recent photo of you, you are the small boy... .. Why can't you be reasonable in your comment or just walk away....? for someone who joined Nairaland in 2006, I'm not a small boy. |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by djon78(m): 2:08pm On Jun 15, 2023 |
Merry100:
This lady will end up being a full housewife. Don't marry her, except you can cope with a full housewife. Tell me you are joking, you don't want to leave her because she is nice and she is a virgin. Guy, marriage is deeper that. You know the funny thing about life These type of women may not be highly resourceful But they give good vibes in marriage There are two women I know on a personal level like this type of Lady They ended up marrying grade one hustling type of men that ended up becoming extremely wealthy But they give there husband's stability They are submissive and have raised there children very well From my own understanding Hustling, very goal oriented kind of men most times marry these kind of women It works well for both They are submissive and gives a man peace Hustling types of women most times end up with lay back kind of Men They push the men to become successful Although some of these kind of women sometimes if not well handled may break the marriage if they feel the Man can't be changed A close relative of mine is an example of this kind of hustling woman. She pushed her husband till the man became very successful and they are living well God and nature has created each kind of man for another kind of woman. The problems we have in marriages is most times people don't marry the type of person destined for them or some will marry and will not be satisfied believing that the one outside is better 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by Merry100: 3:27pm On Jun 15, 2023 |
djon78:
You know the funny thing about life
These type of women may not be highly resourceful
But they give good vibes in marriage
There are two women I know on a personal level like this type of Lady
They ended up marrying grade one hustling type of men that ended up becoming extremely wealthy
But they give there husband's stability
They are submissive and have raised there children very well
From my own understanding
Hustling, very goal oriented kind of men most times marry these kind of women
It works well for both
They are submissive and gives a man peace
Hustling types of women most times end up with lay back kind of Men
They push the men to become successful
Although some of these kind of women sometimes if not well handled may break the marriage if they feel the Man can't be changed
A close relative of mine is an example of this kind of hustling woman.
She pushed her husband till the man became very successful and they are living well
God and nature has created each kind of man for another kind of woman.
The problems we have in marriages is most times people don't marry the type of person destined for them or some will marry and will not be satisfied believing that the one outside is better A lot of times we Christians deceive ourselves. Isaac saw Rebecca and liked her, God did not force her on him. The best thing to do is look for someone that is compatible with you and take the person to God in prayer. Virgins have to learn to put their virginity aside and bring something meaningful to the table. I am also a virgin but I don't wear it on my forehead. I don't have a problem with ladies deciding to be full housewives but they should look for someone that appreciate them as a motivator and not a contributor. Someone that wants to eat bean will not appreciate rice even if you convince him to eat rice. Op wants someone that is resourceful, why advice him to marry someone that is not? 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by djon78(m): 3:41pm On Jun 15, 2023 |
Merry100:
A lot of times we Christians deceive ourselves. Isaac saw Rebecca and liked her, God did not force her on him. The best thing to do is look for someone that is compatible with you and take the person to God in prayer. Virgins have to learn to put their virginity aside and bring something meaningful to the table. I am also a virgin but I don't wear it on my forehead.
I don't have a problem with ladies deciding to be full housewives but they should look for someone that appreciate them as a motivator and not a contributor. Someone that wants to eat bean will not appreciate rice even if you convince him to eat rice. Op wants someone that is resourceful why advice him to marry someone that is not. I never advised Him I am just stating what I have observed These two women I told you is just a pattern I have observed Very rich men most times don't marry the hustling kind of woman They marry more of feminine kind of women And it pays off very well The men go on to amass great wealth While there wives always end up good home makers and raise children very well Not every woman have this kind of Grace That's my own personal observation I am talking of kind of Men that sends there wife on summer vacation to the US, UK, Canada etc I mean every summer These kind of Men function well with the kind of women I am talking about They just make the money While there wives run the home and kids Take a look at the highly rich men and you will see they don't marry hustling kind of women That's my personal observation |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by BigBizzy(m): 4:34pm On Jun 15, 2023 |
boborosky:
I just looked at your profile and if the picture you have there is anything like a recent photo of you, you are the small boy... ..
Why can't you be reasonable in your comment or just walk away....?
for someone who joined Nairaland in 2006, I'm not a small boy. You be small boy |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by boborosky(m): 4:52pm On Jun 15, 2023 |
BigBizzy:
You be small boy If that makes you happy.... I agree 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by Mom007(f): 8:00pm On Jun 15, 2023 |
I hope you have broken up with her already o... Don't waste each others time. Just move on now because a marriage between you both would be disastrous! 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 11:08pm On Jun 15, 2023 |
qtguru:
Personally, if I love someone, I will always cater to the person's inadequacies, I believe no one is perfect, so while a career might not be her thing, there could be something for her, I would advise you, you tell her to at least attend some of this online seminars, we are currently having one coming soon.
it's called Upgrade 2.0 it talks about the potential in humans and how they can better themselves.
But the economy is harsh, so if you can't deal with that, it's within your rights.
Personally, I would be okay with someone like your babe.
You would be okay with someone who's okay with being a housewife? |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by qtguru(m): 7:23am On Jun 16, 2023 |
UyaiIncomparabl:
You would be okay with someone who's okay with being a housewife? As long she gives up the sex easily, and takes care of the kid and cooks that okay by me. But someone like me will mold her into a business. I know how to train her orientation to be independent stay at homewife that earns money. But tldr yes 2 Likes |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 9:09am On Jun 16, 2023 |
qtguru:
As long she gives up the sex easily, and takes care of the kid and cooks that okay by me. But someone like me will mold her into a business. I know how to train her orientation to be independent stay at homewife that earns money. But tldr yes Nice then.  |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by UyaiIncomparabl(f): 9:28am On Jun 16, 2023 |
boborosky:
She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me). You said so many things about her and exonerated yourself, Commander-General. Should we ask her the same thing now, surely there would be lots of negatives about you she will gladly point out. The truth is that, a total package in a partner is illusory. Perfection is a mirage and an illusory venture, so you can't get it. You want a woman who's a high flyer, a top achiever, domesticated, economically useful and stable, a virgin, submissive, and without faults. You are so impossible. I'm not in any way trying to support her laid-back attitude or lack of drive to be useful. But, since you know all these, why are you still sticking around trying to change and fix? People hardly change, the earlier you know, the better. That you may not be able to see an ideal wife in her does not mean another person will not. You need to understand that not everyone can be a career woman or the average typical high flyer. Does that make them bad or an inadequate spouse? NO. And what do you mean by the quoted above? You had to literally tell her to sweep your house when she visited? A visitor? Is that how your family treats visitors? Subjects or expects them to sweep, clean and wash because they are a prospective wife? Well, maybe I see things differently. But the truth is, she owes you nothing of such. You or your family have no right to ask her to clean your house. Get a maid or something. It's her decision and not a right. As you said, it's not a general expectation, so hold it. You are so self-absorbed and authoritative. I think she should be the one dumping, not you. 1 Like |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by prophetfire: 9:50am On Jun 16, 2023 |
boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.
In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.
I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.
She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).
As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.
We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.
Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.
For matured folks.... What do you think?
I faced almost an exact scenario. She had school issues too. I would tell you to take hold of her and teach her and raise her Be patient with her. My aged pastor used to tell us that character is the finest wealth you can have. Since she has good character, it means she can be taught. Be patient with her, be considerate of her nature, then teach her and raise her as her second father. Some people are like that. Laid back but are good. Bring out that thing in her since she has good character. |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by Nobody: 9:02am On Jun 17, 2023 |
Topsynene:
Somebody cannot sweep in your family house, you say she has a good character 😂….. all you re seeing is pretense… try let her stay with you for a week you can judge her character better… Lol... A week? Some girls can pretend for years. That sweeping of family house sha. She should have at least made herself available... I think a lady should just be nice and courteous to the family she intends to marry into. |
| Re: My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character But She Isn't Resourceful by Teleprompter(f): 1:57pm On Jun 22, 2023 |
You have written your post very well. Please don’t marry her. You can’t know the true character of a woman who is not independent. Maybe she was caught for exam malpractice and that’s why her result has been delayed.
Lazy women are a big menace to society. Why did she go to a higher institution if she did not plan to work with it? How come her parents are comfortable with her staying at home doing nothing all this while? How come it was you who gave her materials and capital for a business that never kicked off? If her parents are not like her, they would have made her start something. She may also not be exposed enough to know how to even start something but she ought to be willing to learn.
How come your own family depends on you though? Are they just like her?
This one would end up having more children than you bargained for...There are too many intelligent goal driven ladies out there even among those who are not well educated to be settling for idleness in this present Nigeria. There are hard working women that can support your dream any where in the world and don’t let anyone deceive you that they won’t be submissive. The virginity of this lady may be about exposure and not righteousness.
It is even better to date a serious student than an undetermined graduate so that the house you ought to build by the age of 40 won’t tarry till you are 55 because you were buying your in laws clothes and sewing machines...
This is not to say that there are not women who can learn and surpass. Some women are unemployed but their inner strengths would kick in when it gets down to it. |
