₦airaland Forum

livenija:
Lol a virgin lol u dey give ur self hope, no wonder u wan die put, she never give u do u dey call her virgin 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?



She's probably not focused now because of the set back in school. Not graduating from school since 2019 till now is actually a serous issue enough to frustrate her but don't let them weigh her down. Guide her through, advise her, encourage her, energize her. If she doesn't still sit up, then threatene her with breakup; that may signal alot to her

siofra:
Break up with her. Shikena!

You both are not compatible, what more do you want to hear again

Leave her, let her find a provider, generous husband that she can depend on 100% I don't know why stingy men like to make women suffer.

TrainPark:
Better appreciate that good character ooo... e no reach 3 girls wey still gett am for this naija !!

Myer:
The irony of life.
You hate anyone who is lazy yet in the name of love you want to force yourself to marry a lazy woman.

I have a colleague whose wife is a type of your girlfriend and all I can say is he is not happily married. He laments every time over his wife.

Truth is laziness is a stronghold. She can however change but only with continual deliverance. You will be prepared to endure and have a lot of patience.

I perceive you're a believer so I guess the obvious question is have you prayed concerning her?
If you need divine direction for other needs, how much more for the wife you will spend the rest of your life with?

No one can determine a man's wife for him except him.
Any 2 persons can marry if God wills or allows it.

Life is spiritual, she already has the best part- good character and virginity.
However an unbending spirit and laziness is a combination that destroys marriages insidiously.
Mothers are pivotal to what becomes of a home.

I don't judge superficially, all I can say is that you should not rush the marriage at all.
Both of you should seek counsel from marriage counsellors in your church that you respect.
Start with prayer, continue with prayer, end with prayer.

You will get marriage right in Jesus name. Amen.

TrainPark:
Better appreciate that good character ooo... e no reach 3 girls wey still gett am for this naija !!

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

TrainPark:
My Fiancee Is Good In Terms Of Character
But just out of curiosity, why the thing pain you so!

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

BreezyRita:
It's more interesting that the part in bold is all you saw in my comment.

boborosky:
Amen

tosinhtml:
That was all you said.

Merry100:
This is the mistake a lot of people make when picking a partner, they believe they can change their partner's attitude. He is doing himself and the lady a favour if doesn't marry her. Why force things? She will find someone that loves her the way she is and he will also find someone that his compatible with him.

BigBizzy:
OP something dey worry you sha...

With your overly claim of hardwork, what haven't you made it to be overly sufficient? You still dey find person to find fault up and down.

Do you think you don't have flaws that she's managing?

All these small boys think say na so marriage dey.

Trust me, you're not ready to marry.

Merry100:
This lady will end up being a full housewife. Don't marry her, except you can cope with a full housewife. Tell me you are joking, you don't want to leave her because she is nice and she is a virgin. Guy, marriage is deeper that.

djon78:
You know the funny thing about life
These type of women may not be highly resourceful
But they give good vibes in marriage

There are two women I know on a personal level like this type of Lady

They ended up marrying grade one hustling type of men that ended up becoming extremely wealthy

But they give there husband's stability
They are submissive and have raised there children very well

From my own understanding

Hustling, very goal oriented kind of men most times marry these kind of women
It works well for both
They are submissive and gives a man peace

Hustling types of women most times end up with lay back kind of Men
They push the men to become successful
Although some of these kind of women sometimes if not well handled may break the marriage if they feel the Man can't be changed

A close relative of mine is an example of this kind of hustling woman.
She pushed her husband till the man became very successful and they are living well


God and nature has created each kind of man for another kind of woman.
The problems we have in marriages is most times people don't marry the type of person destined for them or some will marry and will not be satisfied believing that the one outside is better

Merry100:
A lot of times we Christians deceive ourselves. Isaac saw Rebecca and liked her, God did not force her on him. The best thing to do is look for someone that is compatible with you and take the person to God in prayer. Virgins have to learn to put their virginity aside and bring something meaningful to the table. I am also a virgin but I don't wear it on my forehead.

I don't have a problem with ladies deciding to be full housewives but they should look for someone that appreciate them as a motivator and not a contributor. Someone that wants to eat bean will not appreciate rice even if you convince him to eat rice. Op wants someone that is resourceful why advice him to marry someone that is not.

boborosky:
I just looked at your profile and if the picture you have there is anything like a recent photo of you, you are the small boy... ..

Why can't you be reasonable in your comment or just walk away....?

for someone who joined Nairaland in 2006, I'm not a small boy.

BigBizzy:
You be small boy

qtguru:
Personally, if I love someone, I will always cater to the person's inadequacies, I believe no one is perfect, so while a career might not be her thing, there could be something for her, I would advise you, you tell her to at least attend some of this online seminars, we are currently having one coming soon.

it's called Upgrade 2.0 it talks about the potential in humans and how they can better themselves.

But the economy is harsh, so if you can't deal with that, it's within your rights.

Personally, I would be okay with someone like your babe.

UyaiIncomparabl:
You would be okay with someone who's okay with being a housewife?

qtguru:
As long she gives up the sex easily, and takes care of the kid and cooks that okay by me. But someone like me will mold her into a business. I know how to train her orientation to be independent stay at homewife that earns money. But tldr yes

boborosky:
She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

boborosky:
Firstly, I am a guy who is goal driven. I work my ass off to ensure that I earn a living and this has left me with hating anyone who is lazy.
I met my fiance about a year ago. We don't reside in the same town but we talk everyday. When we started dating, she had told me she was done with schooling but she had a few issues which have prevented her from graduating. According to her, she finished in 2019 but has not been cleared because of those issues.

In the first few months that we started dating, I asked her why she was idle since the school was yet to clear her. I further advised that she should start something rather than stay at home. She told me then that she would like to produce and sell a particular commodity. I asked her what it required for her to start. She told me and I provided those things and travelled all the way to see her and hand those items over to her. Few weeks after that, I asked how the business was doing - she went from one story to the other. I was pissed because I thought she could have put all those excuses into consideration before letting me go through the stress of providing those items - It is not about the money for it wasn't much, but her lukewarm interest in pursing goals. Truth is that she never started the trade.

I let that slide and we moved on... Each day I noticed she doesn't have the desire to pursue goals. I mean, how could she have stayed over 3years at home without learning any skill or being purposeful. When it was clear that she wasn't being purposeful, I told her crystal clear that I would not want to be with anyone who lacks purpose or isn't resourceful. In response, she told me that she would work harder and do something. But as each day passed, it was the same old story. Right now, she teaches at a school - this was after a lot of pushing, and forcing and begging and all of that. Even, of the teaching, she complains that it is stressful.

She visited my family house twice. The first time she visited, I had to literally tell her to help in the sweeping of the house the morning following the night she arrived, which she did - I mean, I expected her to know (without being told) that that was expected of her as a first-time visitor in the frame of a prospective wife/in-law. Even as a man, you don't stay inside the room when you visit a family especially when they are doing chores - that was how I was raised. Maybe it isn't a general expectation, but that was how I was raised (Don't crucify me).

As it stands now, she isn't cleared yet and each time I tell her to go to the school, she would either reply reluctantly or get upset. Moreso, she doesn't have a skill. The truth is that, though she is nice, a virgin apparently, she may end up depending on me 100%. Given the way Nigeria is, one needs a partner who can support one. Also, coupled with the fact that though she loves me 100%, she is not very exposed (a bit timid), and lacks the desire to be independent, hardworking or achieve her own goals.

We had discussed marriage, though I have not proposed yet. Conversely, right now, I am having a rethink which has caused me to be a bit withdrawn and retrogressive. I do not want a spouse who would drag me backwards, I have suffered a lot to get to where God placed me - I don't want a setback given that my family partly depends on me. From all indications, I don't know whether she will be able to handle and account for a business if one is established for her.

Even though the decision to either proceed with or withdraw from marriage is solely mine, I'd like a piece of advice.

For matured folks.... What do you think?

Topsynene:
Somebody cannot sweep in your family house, you say she has a good character 😂….. all you re seeing is pretense… try let her stay with you for a week you can judge her character better…