₦airaland Forum

Persephone1:
I love your contribution and I am pleased you try to make others see from men's perspective. Believe me, i understand your points as well. I am not one to throw allegations or speak ill of people without trying to understand what made them who they are. From my write up, i insult no one but rather blame the society for raising both genders the wrong way.

Most Nigerian marriages do not last anymore, they are not standing the test of time. The modern marriage is nothing to write home about due to evolution i.e changes in our ways of lives. There is a shift but Men want to retain traditional benefits of being Men.

Women are taking just as much as financial responsibilities men take, you will hardly see a home where Men provides all in this Nigeria economy yet women are expected to continue with traditional homes. You all play this providing card so much that one is left to wonder if women don't also share responsibilities in the homes anymore. How may Men can successfully run a home singlehandedly?

Most Men lose interest in Marriage because they can't keep up, they have lost the bargaining power and are yet to understand or conform to the new dating norms. Thats where their issues lies, they don't know how to be in "control" because things have changed. They suffer reality shock because contrary to what they were raised with, they need more that having a manhood to thrive in the society.

The truth is Most men weren't raised with love in the Nigerian culture, that is why it is found wanting in typical Nigerian Man.

crows2ravens:
This is how you know those that came from broken homes, or had bad fathers, and whose brothers too are same.

It's not an insult but it's fact.
If you have this much against Nigerian men, you won't like any man at all. You need some education about human psychology, and how it varies by gender.

Your mind is broken. Don't get married. Nigerian men don't want to marry you too.

CaveAdullam:
1. If you say they are "horsebands", I get the point. But to say "they lack empathy is a twist of facts and reality".

Ok. Let's go.


2. Genuine love means the tendency to go beyond your boundary and make sacrifices for the person you desire. This can cause you pain and loss, however, you don't care because you are obsessed with this person - your lover.

3. Firstly, is there anything like genuine love?

"Genuine" becomes attached to "love" when the sacrifice of one lover supersedes the other. Or, when both are working together and reciprocating the benefits they gain from each other, albeit, unequal.

There's nothing like "genuine love".

Though, we may want to cancel the aforementioned by introducing religion: God and his worshippers, and nature: a mother and her child.

It seems genuine because both God and the mother are stronger and wiser. They cater for the ones beneath them because they are weak. However, if this relationship between them can tarry amid sin and old age, it would have been "pure genuine love". But this is not the case. In the end, God wants stainless worship and the mother wants to be taken care of in old age. Their present sacrifice is speculation of reciprocity in the future.

4. Empathy and kindness are easy byproducts of "genuine" love, even outside the sexual relationship.

Take note: there is nothing like Nigerian men or Nigerian women. Men are men. Women are women. There will always be tinctures that tend to differentiate them in their behaviors, but these are just social behaviors, that sprout from their culture, tradition, background, etc. To get the full scope of "men are men" and "women are women", you must begin to microscopically examine them from their evolutionary behavior, biochemical makeup, and physical and psychological makeup. Now you don't judge from one demography, you conclude by judging men and women from different demographics.

5. Constant weddings keep churning weekly. Men in their hordes still complain about being manipulated and losing their money.

Young women still see young men without luxury as useless (of course, they are useless to women in the grand scheme of the reproductive game).

Weak men who plead for love aka "simps" still abound.

This evidence questions your take on their level of empathy, kindness, and genuine love. If they were absent, it wouldn't have been the case.

6. To date, (Nigerian) men are still proving their love for (Nigerian) women. Empathy, genuine love, and kindness are famous in men's corridors. They may be suppressed, but for the women they love, it manifests.

7. Meanwhile, men don't marry women they hate. But a woman can deceive a man into marrying her even if she doesn't love him. It is a psychological and evolutionary game.



8. I agree.

But as stated above, relationship is a transaction, love is the currency. It is less mechanical because both love themselves and fight to stay above the odds or see each other not as tools but rather, as an unequal useful pair.

9. Let me tell you, it is women and children that benefit not the man. The man holds a greater power because he's able to provide and protect for his family. What's his benefit there?

10. Women cook and clean, a role that can easily be reversed and given to a maid for lesser amount and problems. But can the woman wake up one morning and pick any man that will commit? No.

You may think that this is the reason women should become independent and have their money. Yet if she gets married, she desires the man to meet up with his primal duties. In egalitarian societies, there are still sexual differences.

11. The benefits men derived are evolutionary. The benefits women derived are evolutionary, physical, material, and emotional.


12. You are correct.

What you must understand is that the average human is under the control of their primal instincts. Despite our evolved environment, that hunter-gatherer instinct wired in us for thousands of years still got a loud mouth and a loudspeaker.

It takes self-awareness to understand another person, only then will you be able to reach reasonable conclusions about people and not fall into feuds daily.

13. Based on their nature and environment, cooking and cleaning were the appropriate ways to get their number 1 priority, which was to get married to a man that will fulfill their needs. In the same way, "horsebands" work hard to provide for their wives.

These were the thought of 99.9% of women even to date. The reason you are objecting is because of the rapid change in our environment, level of exposure, and information consumed.

14. However, there is a need for women to understand themselves before even choosing a man. Here the importance of a father and mother becomes imminent, to guard, lead and counsel her in the way of men and the operations of the world.



15. Financial resources are not all they need, however, come first on the list of what they should possess before getting married.

Finance is important for his personal growth and development.

Without finance, he will be ridiculed.

Without finance, no one will respect him.

Women want commitment, finance signals that. This is what women consider before marriage.

16. Intelligence, personality, wisdom, kindness, empathy, confidence, and braveness comes second. If women chase this second bag in men, many wouldn't have been baby mamas/single mothers who complain about deadbeat dads; finance may not be obvious for this reason, but there was the mystery of it. They made the mistake of choosing wrongly.



17. These personalities may be suppressed due to circumstances at a particular time, but for the average man, these personalities are quotidian in their domain. You just need to observe the way they treat their loved ones and the people around them.



18. Women or not, men must provide, either for their family or themselves. It is because of this eternal burden to provide that makes them dwell less in the emotional domain. That emotional plane is for women because nobody expects much from them.

Men must either provide or create or else, be considered a nuisance. A bigger nuisance if he opts out of the game because he will first be disrespected and later die of hunger.



19. To be sincere, all men desire in a woman is teachableness, smartness, boldness and being able to fulfill her common role: nurturing, cleaning, and cooking.

Woke and independent women going off the scale find a problem with men since in the long run, men aren't willing to comply.

Many men are sheep though.



20. For the record, men don't marry women they hate. The cost of a wedding ceremony and running a family is too risky a task to treat a woman wrongly. Disagreements will always arise but they wouldn't get to the point it will erase his love for her except otherwise.

21. It is left for the woman to do a thorough job on the man she decides to submit to. Women make mistakes in selecting the wrong men and cry cats and dogs when these men aren't what they bargained for.

Thanks.

Cc. Emmaodet, Hedgefunds, Reminderz

Persephone1:
"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your own peril"

When I type these words, it's not from a place of hate towards men ( I don't hate anybody) It is from careful analysis of marriages to Nigerian Men which mostly lack genuine love, empathy and kindness. Nigerian Marriages are mostly driven by "needs" and "means" to an end. Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.

Our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men. They didn't know either until they got married, unfortunately they are still learning about Men too. That is why the popular saying "Ile oko ile eko ni" (Your husband house is a school) is usually the soothing balm to unfavourable experiences a wife has with her husband. One question I always ask myself when I hear these words as parting words of advice for young wife is. Does that mean she is getting married into a strange,unknown and possibly unfavourable world? Why represent her husband as an unending course? And will she ever graduate and be relieved of painful lessons?. Ask these women these questions and they will shake their heads in mockery but the truth is, They weren't taught enough about the Men they are getting married to. How would they when they didn't know who they are either. To understand another person there must be a certain level of self awareness you have reached yourself. This way you have enough level of intelligence to be a perfect judge of character. But when a woman believe all she needs to be is a good cook and good konji reliever then all she will seek is a man who has Kitchen and bed.


Men are the worst in this joke of an institution. Configured to believe all they need to posses is Financial ability to provide. The upbringing of the typical Nigerian Man is very very wrong. Trained with little to no empathy,kindness, self care, sense of belonging, self love but burdened with sense of responsibility brought up like a robot to "provide" only. Most Nigerian men are robotic minded, unable to connect emotionally without aide yet this men are expected to naturally see their brides as a part of themselves. Wishful thinking if you ask me. And when some men luckily achieve this, the society (Men and Women) mock him. Aside this, they don't readily know what they want and are easily tossed by the society.

We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth. Compassion and affections brings liberty, a man who lacks these will see his wife as his slave and property, he gets to do with her what he seem best and not what is good for her. We really have a long way to go as a Society.

Nigerian Men make terrible horsebands

Cc Nlfpmod 😡🤬

Kelechi009:
Whatever you wrote here & also in your initial post completely ignores the fact that Nigeria is highly traditional and those roles which are defined and expected of us in the 80s and are still expected of us today in 2023. We can all summersault 100 times and It won't change anything for both genders. In Nigeria. Do you what is funny? This same type of analog love is what people in Western countries miss & they always cry about how they miss Lagos men & how Lagos men take care of them the most, I suggest you should invest more time in watching British black women podcasts. Watch programmes that explore more of black women outside Nigeria. Go on Instagram, see what women are saying about Lagos men. You'll be shocked.

Nairaland is a bubble dear, big bubble.

Persephone1:


Mexican Men all the way ✈️✈️

Persephone1:
"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your own peril"

When I type these words, it's not from a place of hate towards men ( I don't hate anybody) It is from careful analysis of marriages to Nigerian Men which mostly lack genuine love, empathy and kindness. Nigerian Marriages are mostly driven by "needs" and "means" to an end. Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.

Our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men. They didn't know either until they got married, unfortunately they are still learning about Men too. That is why the popular saying "Ile oko ile eko ni" (Your husband house is a school) is usually the soothing balm to unfavourable experiences a wife has with her husband. One question I always ask myself when I hear these words as parting words of advice for young wife is. Does that mean she is getting married into a strange,unknown and possibly unfavourable world? Why represent her husband as an unending course? And will she ever graduate and be relieved of painful lessons?. Ask these women these questions and they will shake their heads in mockery but the truth is, They weren't taught enough about the Men they are getting married to. How would they when they didn't know who they are either. To understand another person there must be a certain level of self awareness you have reached yourself. This way you have enough level of intelligence to be a perfect judge of character. But when a woman believe all she needs to be is a good cook and good konji reliever then all she will seek is a man who has Kitchen and bed.


Men are the worst in this joke of an institution. Configured to believe all they need to posses is Financial ability to provide. The upbringing of the typical Nigerian Man is very very wrong. Trained with little to no empathy,kindness, self care, sense of belonging, self love but burdened with sense of responsibility brought up like a robot to "provide" only. Most Nigerian men are robotic minded, unable to connect emotionally without aide yet this men are expected to naturally see their brides as a part of themselves. Wishful thinking if you ask me. And when some men luckily achieve this, the society (Men and Women) mock him. Aside this, they don't readily know what they want and are easily tossed by the society.

We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth. Compassion and affections brings liberty, a man who lacks these will see his wife as his slave and property, he gets to do with her what he seem best and not what is good for her. We really have a long way to go as a Society.

Nigerian Men make terrible horsebands

Cc Nlfpmod 😡🤬

Persephone1:
"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your own peril"

When I type these words, it's not from a place of hate towards men ( I don't hate anybody) It is from careful analysis of marriages to Nigerian Men which mostly lack genuine love, empathy and kindness. Nigerian Marriages are mostly driven by "needs" and "means" to an end. Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.

Our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men. They didn't know either until they got married, unfortunately they are still learning about Men too. That is why the popular saying "Ile oko ile eko ni" (Your husband house is a school) is usually the soothing balm to unfavourable experiences a wife has with her husband. One question I always ask myself when I hear these words as parting words of advice for young wife is. Does that mean she is getting married into a strange,unknown and possibly unfavourable world? Why represent her husband as an unending course? And will she ever graduate and be relieved of painful lessons?. Ask these women these questions and they will shake their heads in mockery but the truth is, They weren't taught enough about the Men they are getting married to. How would they when they didn't know who they are either. To understand another person there must be a certain level of self awareness you have reached yourself. This way you have enough level of intelligence to be a perfect judge of character. But when a woman believe all she needs to be is a good cook and good konji reliever then all she will seek is a man who has Kitchen and bed.


Men are the worst in this joke of an institution. Configured to believe all they need to posses is Financial ability to provide. The upbringing of the typical Nigerian Man is very very wrong. Trained with little to no empathy,kindness, self care, sense of belonging, self love but burdened with sense of responsibility brought up like a robot to "provide" only. Most Nigerian men are robotic minded, unable to connect emotionally without aide yet this men are expected to naturally see their brides as a part of themselves. Wishful thinking if you ask me. And when some men luckily achieve this, the society (Men and Women) mock him. Aside this, they don't readily know what they want and are easily tossed by the society.

We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth. Compassion and affections brings liberty, a man who lacks these will see his wife as his slave and property, he gets to do with her what he seem best and not what is good for her. We really have a long way to go as a Society.

Nigerian Men make terrible horsebands

Cc Nlfpmod 😡🤬

dbestuncle:
I have taken time to read your writeup carefully n will suggest the following:
1. No society arrangement and institution of man is perfect n marriage is no exception.
2. You thought about Nigerian men are really low.
3. The saying ile oko, ile eko ni, actually didn't exactly mean what you suggested. This saying is used to depict the fact that the new home will be a school since there is no way that the lessons learnt from a woman's home can be exactly enough for the new home. And yes it is often focussed on the women because she is the one who is expected to be submissive and the man is expected to be the head.
But in reality the both learn because the way a thing is done from the individual family will be different from what is required in the new home.
3. Yes women now work and we have infact seen more understanding in our today's marriage and this means that alot has and keep changing.
4. You single out the Nigerian man as if the iyibo woman doesn't cook for her home or takes care of her kids.
5. What about the women, nothing was wrong abi?
What you did is call the horn effect (piking a small fact and blow it out of proportion)

Okay! I will respond to this, other mentions are from narrow-minded lots who can't deal with the fact that every being ( man or woman ) has freedom of choice and desire.

1) You are right, I have attentively analyzed the Nigerian marriage system and I do not like it. I am from the most liberal tribe in Nigeria but I still do not find the "give and take" systematic structure of marriages pleasing enough. This is from a place of personal preference.

2) Lol you are wrong there, that they do not meet my expectations do not mean I think low of them . There are some same ones but when it comes to relationships most have a lot to learn. Starting with emotional intelligence, did you read a thread where a guy shouted at his suicidal girlfriend and hung up on her because according to him"she didn't say what was wrong with her"? Well, girlfriend ended up killing herself. Now lack of sensitivity and emotions with partners is something common with Nigerian men, it is why a husband would not notice a change in his wife's mood or body until she is admitted to the hospital. I have seen lots of cases and I don't find them pleasing at all.

3) I get your drift. Nevertheless, both couples should learn about each other. On submission and head, I don't have an issue with that as long as the leadership isn't autocratic or dictatorship or the submission isn't subversive.

4) Good, hopefully, this will continue and soon enough all marriages will be enjoyed not endured.

5) In the Western world there's hardly discrimination of roles. Couples understand their weakness and strength and complement one another. They share roles according to ability and willingness, you may never come across gender roles with them. And when there is it comes with different forms of support that ensures none is burdened. But here you see people saying it is the job of a man to provide any which way ( even if he is limited) while a seven-month pregnant wife must take care of the home any which way. A very toxic system if you ask me.

6) Analyze the shortcoming of both genders in marriage and you will realize which gender has the most redemption and restitution to do. I have written it here once, a Nigerian lady has only financial dependency syndrome to deal with if she's to date or marry outside her race while Nigerian men have so much more to correct. If Nigerian women travel more, they will be hot cake out there, because they are very homely and lovely. But Nigerian men are trained to be money bags which in the long run does not meet long-term commitment standards.

Although there are some black sheep most marriages fail when the woman gets tired of enduring in Nigeria.

garriAndsugar:
Until the OP meets me her perspective go change

I believe you

Persephone1:
"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your own peril"

When I type these words, it's not from a place of hate towards men ( I don't hate anybody) It is from careful analysis of marriages to Nigerian Men which mostly lack genuine love, empathy and kindness. Nigerian Marriages are mostly driven by "needs" and "means" to an end. Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.

Our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men. They didn't know either until they got married, unfortunately they are still learning about Men too. That is why the popular saying "Ile oko ile eko ni" (Your husband house is a school) is usually the soothing balm to unfavourable experiences a wife has with her husband. One question I always ask myself when I hear these words as parting words of advice for young wife is. Does that mean she is getting married into a strange,unknown and possibly unfavourable world? Why represent her husband as an unending course? And will she ever graduate and be relieved of painful lessons?. Ask these women these questions and they will shake their heads in mockery but the truth is, They weren't taught enough about the Men they are getting married to. How would they when they didn't know who they are either. To understand another person there must be a certain level of self awareness you have reached yourself. This way you have enough level of intelligence to be a perfect judge of character. But when a woman believe all she needs to be is a good cook and good konji reliever then all she will seek is a man who has Kitchen and bed.


Men are the worst in this joke of an institution. Configured to believe all they need to posses is Financial ability to provide. The upbringing of the typical Nigerian Man is very very wrong. Trained with little to no empathy,kindness, self care, sense of belonging, self love but burdened with sense of responsibility brought up like a robot to "provide" only. Most Nigerian men are robotic minded, unable to connect emotionally without aide yet this men are expected to naturally see their brides as a part of themselves. Wishful thinking if you ask me. And when some men luckily achieve this, the society (Men and Women) mock him. Aside this, they don't readily know what they want and are easily tossed by the society.

We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth. Compassion and affections brings liberty, a man who lacks these will see his wife as his slave and property, he gets to do with her what he seem best and not what is good for her. We really have a long way to go as a Society.

Nigerian Men make terrible horsebands

Cc Nlfpmod 😡🤬

Persephone1:
Mentally unstable people just fill this section sha. They read the title and go haywire.

Calm down, drink water, you will be alright

BigDickProblems:
When you understand why no body will bother to read through your thread, you will understand why they believe nothing meaningful will be found there since it's coming from your gender. Your mental states (female gender) fluctuate most of the time.

You either suffer from dyslexia or partial blindness. Have I been conversing with myself on the four pages of this thread?

Na your type suitable for marriage true true

Persephone1:
"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your own peril"

When I type these words, it's not from a place of hate towards men ( I don't hate anybody) It is from careful analysis of marriages to Nigerian Men which mostly lack genuine love, empathy and kindness. Nigerian Marriages are mostly driven by "needs" and "means" to an end. Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.

Our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men. They didn't know either until they got married, unfortunately they are still learning about Men too. That is why the popular saying "Ile oko ile eko ni" (Your husband house is a school) is usually the soothing balm to unfavourable experiences a wife has with her husband. One question I always ask myself when I hear these words as parting words of advice for young wife is. Does that mean she is getting married into a strange,unknown and possibly unfavourable world? Why represent her husband as an unending course? And will she ever graduate and be relieved of painful lessons?. Ask these women these questions and they will shake their heads in mockery but the truth is, They weren't taught enough about the Men they are getting married to. How would they when they didn't know who they are either. To understand another person there must be a certain level of self awareness you have reached yourself. This way you have enough level of intelligence to be a perfect judge of character. But when a woman believe all she needs to be is a good cook and good konji reliever then all she will seek is a man who has Kitchen and bed.


Men are the worst in this joke of an institution. Configured to believe all they need to posses is Financial ability to provide. The upbringing of the typical Nigerian Man is very very wrong. Trained with little to no empathy,kindness, self care, sense of belonging, self love but burdened with sense of responsibility brought up like a robot to "provide" only. Most Nigerian men are robotic minded, unable to connect emotionally without aide yet this men are expected to naturally see their brides as a part of themselves. Wishful thinking if you ask me. And when some men luckily achieve this, the society (Men and Women) mock him. Aside this, they don't readily know what they want and are easily tossed by the society.

We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth. Compassion and affections brings liberty, a man who lacks these will see his wife as his slave and property, he gets to do with her what he seem best and not what is good for her. We really have a long way to go as a Society.

Nigerian Men make terrible horsebands

Cc Nlfpmod 😡🤬

Persephone1:
Lol people are still getting mad over this thread?

FalseProphet1:
😒

My 101th concubine elect

How have you been? Don't tell me you are disturbed by this masterpiece of mine

Persephone1:
My 101th concubine elect

How have you been? Don't tell me you are disturbed by this masterpiece of mine

dontrulee:
I'm sure Nigerian Men sef no wan marry you, so rest.

tit:
They are shot, fat and ugly

Olaxbolax100:
Not true.... She's intelligent yet respectful... I love those features... It's her view and should be respected.

tit:
They are shot, fat and ugly