Fountainofyouth:



So we are hypergamous enough to be the bread winner abi? Are we wired to do multiple jobs while the man does nothing? And what makes a man the wife? Being a house husband since he's not the breadwinner of his family?

Hypergamous means they want/need someone higher than them (in all ways). You don't seem to know the meaning

The OP write about the difficulty she is passing through with the Gambling habit of her husband , how it's killing progress and advancement of the marriage and family, You are writing Off point.

For your information , the gambling nature of her husband is Sports betting.

Prettycute90:
So, in your context, being broke is a yardstick for relationship? Not same with my opinion.
I'm broke and struggling. All I need is how to stand on my feet not a relationship or dating as you advised.

It's all part of it. Possibly dating/marrying a rich guy can be one of many possible ways out of broke and struggling

kcdendelo:
what sort of stupid advice is this?

How is it stupid advice. She's broke and struggling. What's wrong with her trying her luck at possibly meeting/dating/marrying a rich guy?

AngelicBeing:
Muchecheche, you cracked me up with the last 3sentences of your post, marketable in the dating scene, like seriously

Just being blunt. She could be surprised to find she's quite sought after

Ofunaofu:


When they are the bread winner, the marriage is not working... but when the man is the bread winner the marriage is working

You said it all

Chibuzoripob:
No oo.Such a idiot fellow can't train his son.A goat that follow 🐕 will eat faeces . He won't care if the boy go to sch/eat as long as he satisfied his gambling huge & lifestyle.,nothing mata to him again

She'll be keeping an eye on him - from a distance

jeromestarks:

You chose your fate. Better men came with true love to marry you but you rejected them and settled for this one you called husband.
You met loving men when you were 18/20 but you rejected them saying you're not ready, you're young etc. Now look at you.
Dance to the music alone.
You will suffer.
You have not seen anything yet.

Generally, the way you write on Nairaland shows people your IQ and cruelty levels.

Person wen see wetin she for troway, but manage to marry am according to what poor men like u say every time here on Nairaland and you still have the guts to denigrade her tells me your kind of heart.

To the Op: When males and females do what they are expected to do in marriage and cover each other's lapses WHERE NECESSARY ( NOT unnecessarily), divorce cases become slim as naturally in marriage, there are expectations from each partner.

Watch him till the end of 2023, if no deliberate or intentional changes, by January 1st 2024, take a decision.... Seems he entered married unprepared with Calocalo as his sure hope of mitigating expenses and meeting up with his PROVIDER role.

Pray for guidance, seek professional help too and take action.

AlaafinOfOyo:


This is a very satanic advice. As in, you're advising a Christian to divorce and start dating (adultery) so that she'll burn in hell?
To the OP, do not despair. You've already made a mistake of marrying blindly but God is a God of a second chance. I advise you to carry your burden but if you must give up, you must remain unmarried. I advise you not give up because of your husband's habits. It's not easy but don't think it'll get easier if you leave. You'll only expose yourself and your children to wolves out there. Focus on making the marriage work. That's the cross you have to carry for now. Since he's not physically abusive, keep praying for him. There's nothing God cannot do.

Carefully read her OP.
My advice is based on the real world as it is, with imperfect humans. Not some utopian world in your head where divorced women never remarry!

gazilion:
Your husband is possessed with the demon of Gambling. He needs deliverance! Can I pray for him??

Stop lying! There is no such thing as a demon of gambling possessing a human being. Rather,there are individuals who lack self-discipline and self control where gambling is concerned.

FuckTheMod:

But why would a reasonable man feel comfortable to allow his woman be the bread winner?
The least a reasonable man can do is provide shelter, food and clothing.
As a man, I'll never even feel alive if my woman is the bread winner, unless I'm just incapacitated by health or physical problems. E no make sense na

All sorts of unfortunate things could happen (God forbid). Suppose a good, hard-working man were framed and jailed and loses his business. When he gets out his wife is automatically the bread winner

samsard:
I'm a man and I won't support my sister to remain in a marriage where the husband is addicted to gambling and can't get his act together. Ideally the woman should be contributing to the home, not taking up everything when the man is not sick or temporarily incapacited.

You have a point

Brunicekid:
A man should be able to provide for his wife, the Bible says so. This doesn't negate the fact that women can support.

And suppose(God forbid) a good, hard-working man were framed and jailed and loses his business. When he gets out his wife is automatically the bread winner.
What then?

Solsix:

Only a handful of them can without making noise about it

Almost none can. Some will try to hide the resentment, but it'll still show in various little ways

maasoap:


How is he going to take care of the kids' needs? Can he even be there for them physically everyday? Those kids will suffer!

She'll be keeping tabs on him - from a distance

Kingosytex:



Why not tell her to be on her own and at least feed herself since the man has accepted to be with the children? Must she hook up with a man? Can't she feed herself? 😂

She said she's broke and straggling. Why can't one of her possible options be to try to get a rich guy? She could get lucky

There's your truth, his truth and THE TRUTH! Anytime I read these rants online, I beg the question, UNA NO GET PARENTS? NO ELDER IN THE FAMILY?

Moving on, there's no way a guy won't provide for the basic things his family needs and you'll be quiet all the way till after 2 kids! There's something missing here and those that can read between the lines already decoded the exaggeration!

Next, it sounds like you don't have a good source of income either so the problem might be cumulative! Drop the Christian crap, unless adultery is involved, that angle is null and void! So the real question here is this, are you ready to move on or not?

In the end, nobody on Nairaland will help you carry your burden. If you want to leave then so be it, just make sure you get family and elders involved so that your evidence can have evidence as it seems he won't let you keep the kids.......Ire o!

Kobojunkie:
●■That is commonsense since the woman signed up to be responsible for the home and raising of kids in most cases, while the man's almost sole duty is to be provider to the family. What sane woman would be happy to bear her share of the burden along the man's?

You have a point. But unfortunate things could happen entirely beyond his control. No matter the reason, the wife will still resent being breadwinner and become insultive and bossy. Why?

kingviny:
Often times, we look at a problem on the surface. But if we look deeply, there could be more than meet the eye.

If he is a good man but just that he has money issues ; he has little and in a bit to make it big he is trying gambling but always loosing it, perhaps it could be that he needs spiritual help , he also need counselling and then let him search for Jeffrey Benson on YouTube and be his devoted student for 1 year since he already likes speculative endeavour. Trust me, he would be ok.

Gambling is just a means to an end, it is not an end itself. He would need to learn functional skills as well. He can go into food business, digital marketing etc.

What type of gambling is he doing? Hope not lottery o ? as that one is a no no but If it is Forex, there is money in it oo. He just need to learn from those who are doing well in it. Out of 4 things I am doing, it is Forex that is giving me the most money to run my home right now and we are talking of 6 figures expenses monthly. I have 2 kids like you too and my wife is a teacher.

I know of someone who makes at least 10m monthly trading , his wife can never say he is gambling, she would say my husband is a fund manager and is doing so well .

Please don't leave him yet, help him if not for anything but for the sake of your children who need the presence and love of the 2 of you.

I am happy that you are a good woman. You have tried to have held forth for him all this while, not many women would do that even though it is not supposed to be a big deal if it is temporary. But if there is no end in sight , then it is right to shout out for help. Taking care of kids is a big job on its own.

How is your husband's family like? Are there successful siblings there ? Is your husband a lazy man or is it that he has not found help/job?

Try and get someone you feel he would listen to to join you in this mission. I can be of help to talk with him if you wish. We need to save your home .

Most men would want to work and provide for their families, only an irresponsible ones would not .

Above all, you need God's intervention.

With this points of yours, I pray you get all ur heart desires... I love the fact u look after ur family ND ur wife is also supporting by being a teacher. I use to tell people, in this present day Nigeria, keeping a family afloat needs the support of both party but it's pathetic if one party is the one running around for the sake of the family and as a matter of fact it'll be worse if such runnings is coming from the wife while the husband just look.

HaneefahRN:


Are men expected to do all the house chores, get pregnant, nurse and care for the children while providing for the home too?

But unfortunate things could happen entirely beyond his control. No matter the reason, the wife will still resent being breadwinner and become insultive and bossy. Why?

As a man, I am Asking you to separate from him immediately. He has a diseased mind and will never change. If you can't take your children, leave him first with the children and settle yourself. Harden your heart and don't help him with any kobo and he will eventually return the kids to you. He' is infested with the disease of gambling.

DaddyCoool:
Since he offered to be with the children, let him. While helping from a distance, sort yourself out and also find out how marketable you are in the dating scene - maybe you'll hook a better guy

Men… for peace of mind, once you cant provide tell the woman to go. End of long tory

I don’t know if you are born again? If yes ,ask God for Grace to carry this cross and I assure you that there is nothing too hard for Him to do(for no temptation greater than us will He allow come to us-1corinth.10:13) The heart of All beings are in the hand of God and as rivers of waters ,He turns it withersoever He desires.We are clays in His and so is your husband.And as you go about trusting God,never I repeat never jettison your responsibilities to him as a wife cos it’s only when your obedience is complete can you command the obedience of God.Also remember that DIVORCE is not an option for a child of God-yes don’t mind what some pastors tell you-God said I hate divorce(mal.2:16). So for now.

Procashtips:


Forex trading is not gambling just as trading stocks, shares and indices.

Where do you guys get the notion that forex is same as gambling?

All businesses that in it all you do is to speculate are the same. Examples: stock trading, sports betting, Forex trading, binary options, crypto currencies trading. They are all the same, nothing different. Just a change of name.

Speculation is simply prediction.

It's stupidity to call sports betting gambling and Forex trading an investment or business.

Gambling means "risking money to make more money." the Same 'risking money' that people do when trading Forex.

Forex is bet9ja in disguise!

Can't you see the man is not ready to support with domestic chores , if a woman is providing the man should be able to help.
When the man is the one providing , the woman , will cook, clean house , wash, take care of children carry pregnancy, take kids to school, but you see men a woman will provide and you still expect her to do all domestic work.

This is as simple as A BC quote author=DaddyCoool post=125674821]

Women RESENT being bread winner. It almost never works out[/quote]

EndRape2:
Can't you see the man is not ready to support with domestic chores , if a woman is providing the man should be able to help.
When the man is the one providing , the woman , will cook, clean house , wash, take care of children carry pregnancy, take kids to school, but you see men a woman will provide and you still expect her to do all domestic work.

This is as simple as A BC

Even in instances where the husband became a perfect "wife" it still didn't work out.
Women simply resent being breadwinner, no matter if the man became a perfect "wife". They become insultive, bossy, and constantly complaining

Princewill1:

All businesses that in it all you do is to speculate are the same. Examples: stock trading, sports betting, Forex trading, binary options, crypto currencies trading. They are all the same, nothing different. Just a change of name.

Speculation is simply prediction.

It's stupidity to call sports betting gambling and Forex trading an investment or business.

Gambling means "risking money to make more money." the Same 'risking money' that people do when trading Forex.

Forex is bet9ja in disguise!

So people who went to the university to become stock traders are gamblers?

People who went to the university to study weather forecast are gamblers?

Prophets (seers) are gamblers?

Traders who risk money to buy and sell to make money are what since gambling to you is about risking money to make money?

Is there anything you're not risking something to achieve in this life if this is your definition of gambling?

Economics graduates who use economic data and indices to forecast boom or doom for companies, businesses and even countries are gamblers?

An entrepreneur who create products with the hope that there's going to be demands for these products based on market research and forecast is a gambler?

Even you who went to bed with the speculation that you'll wake up the next day is a gambler?

Big companies (Dangote, MTN, Accessbank, JB, Dowjones etc) listing their market value shares on the stock exchange for speculators to buy and sell which in term help their company do well in the eyes of the public are also gamblers?

Everything listed above are speculations(forecast)

Life itself is all about speculation.

All the above analogies are based on your response.

I want to see you seperate these realities from forex trading/stock brokage since they're same with sport betting /baba ijebu.

Yes I work,..but remotely from 9 to 5 MondaytoFriday. Work is strictly online and overwhelming but with poor pay. Zero social life, few good friends. owing so many debts which somehow got me tied to gambling in orderto pay off. But it's been 2 steps forward, 5 steps backward.

I believe I need an offline hobby or activities to replace gambling. But I need help

Procashtips:


You need tips on how to replace your gambling addiction with something else.

You need a hobby that's majorly offline.

Do you work?

If you want to divorce, divorce na you sabi about it

But

The guy do bad

Gambling is very very bad

Tell his parents or friends or religious leader

Dothans:
Yes I work,..but remotely from 9 to 5 MondaytoFriday. Work is strictly online and overwhelming but with poor pay. Zero social life, few good friends. owing so many debts which somehow got me tied to gambling in orderto pay off. But it's been 2 steps forward, 5 steps backward.

I believe I need an offline hobby or activities to replace gambling. But I need help

Not too hard but it all depends on you.
Do you gamble during the 9-5 work hours?

Kobojunkie:
1. The statement in bold reveals you are just a desperate 419er.

2. Leave God's mention alone abeg because what you lot do in your churches in no way resemble that which God in fact commands. How many of the mentally ill peoples, many of them attending for over a decade, have your churches healed in all that time?

I should leave God's name alone? Who will I now call? I have seen uncountable cases of mentally ill people being restored. Even in the era of Jesus, not all the mentally ill people were healed but many were healed. You have heard and seen of these thinqs, am surprise you're acting as if it is new . I smell atheism sha...

Are you sure I am not your brother? Please all I need is help. I hate this gambling but unable to stop.

Think9ja:

The only difference between your husband and my 35yrs old brother is that my brother is not married. He has caused my mum so much pain that I fear she might just end it all. I promised to never allow any good girl fall in his trap in the name of marriage. If he brings a nice girl home, I will tell her everything I know about his gambling history to enable her make an informed decision. But if he brings one yeye thing, I will just keep quiet. At 35, he has no job, no skill, no business, no relationship, nothing nothing. This guy is a graduate since 2014 but his life has not kicked off yet due to poor choices He just wants to bet. I perfectly understand what you're going through and I will support and pray for you no matter what you decide. E no easy