Samantha124:
I'm usually silent when I'm angry... I can't shout and if I attempt to speak when I'm angry, I'm gonna say harsh things that I might end up regretting.

Walai, this is soooo me, I'll rather keep shut and walk away

nkolakacharles:
I talk to many women who don't understand what brought their relationships to the point where they need therapy. After all, they 'never argue with their husbands'. Well, of course it sends up a huge, waving red flag. If you NEVER disagree, you're probably not being honest, or worse, you're not saying anything.

Relational silence. It's annoying for you and your partner, because usually when you reach a point of silence - or closure - and you just don't want to engage with your partner in any meaningful communicative way...you have a big problem and it could be headed for a breakup or separation.

How do I know we are silent?
You know your relationship is suffering from silence when you haven't debated anything with your partner in the past few months—in fact, you haven't had an interesting conversation about anything that matters to either of you in the past few months. months or weeks. You have disconnected. And either you or he initiated the silence in an effort to stop having to deal with judgments, criticism, and other negative conversation killers.

Why is it such a poison?
When there is a healthy debate or even a heated argument in a relationship, it means that both people are trying to make their voices heard. They are trying to get their points across. They try to convince their partners of something or to convince themselves. However you divide it - opinions are on the table and you both know where the other stands. With silence, no one knows where the other stands. There is a lot of arguing and assuming because no one is heard. And we all know where that can lead.

what can i do about it
Relational silence is easily treated. Just start talking. The biggest hurdle is for someone to take the first step. The second is to begin to understand why the two of you closed. What was your last big fight? And what was said? And if the silence has gone beyond the point where anyone has taken the first leap of faith – you may need an impartial person like a mediator, religious leader or therapist to help you through this.

Quick Tip: If you're afraid to talk to your partner because of what their reaction might be - ask yourself "what am I afraid of?" What would be the worst case scenario if I asked to be interviewed? Do I trust my partner not to judge me, berate me, or leave me when I speak up?
Read lots of relationship tips at https://the10topdatingsites.com/

Valid point.

Especially the bolded.

Every person is a whole different world. And it's very unlikely that disagreements won't occur no matter how similar these worlds could seem.

The only matter of note is how these differences are handled....

Silence is one of the responses, and I believe it's the job of the significant other to understand the kind of personality they're dealing with.

And deal with it...

You no go get woman wey silence be her response to an offense and let the matter continue like that. You gotta press her pincode and settle the matter as man wey you be..

If you no fit cope, go and look for another woman abeg, no waste ómó ólómó time...

And same goes for you little girls. If your man dey crazy enough to do silence, abeg deal with it or leave immediately.

I am ending a relationship that is almost going into marriage today.

Why

It's simple, I notice that this lady is a silent killer, she easily get off mood, and when she does. Just know you don't have her any longer until she regain her consciousness.
And it kills me, cos am the type that love talking, joking and gisting. Even if I am angry, just sincere say sorry and casr close. But this lady, you go be tire, explain tire....

If not for her mum force me to always settle with her, we would have been off before date. I hate silence, it's a slow killer. Gun is better self!

Theevilone:

See finish in relationship is normal, in fact that’s the sweetness of relationship and those of you saying silent is golden, silent for weeks or months is no longer Golden

Abeg u no know weytin u dey talk so.

Think9ja:
How many Nigerians are actually in a relationship? And by relationship, I mean true friendship.

A lot of people are single simply because they don't have a job. Once they do, that's when one stupid girl with scabies in her pvssy will start greeting him on his way to work or back. After 3-4wks, the guy will now approach and boom, relationship don start. But can we say that's a relationship?

Na transaction we de do for Nigeria

Give me your big nyash make I fvck make I give you urgent 2k

Despite the fact that their bodies is littered with infections and diseases, Nigerian girls will still want to monetize it.

Meaning you're paying to get disease

God abeg

You have said it all.. One has to be extra careful with the female gender

tega192:
Omo so dollars na 1200 to naira ona nor protest , as na Yoruba person be president everywhere m quiet if na good luck ona nor go let us hear word

Yorubas are hypocrites now don't you know before.

They are complete backstabbers.

They are one of the problem of this country

As for me, as e dey hot na so I dey serve her back though no quarrell and we will discuss issues in a peaceful way later.

meobizy:
Relationships have too many hurdles. Both genders are confused. Date a person while keeping in mind the union has a shelf life.

Don't date because your selfishness will destroy it before the shelf life...lol

anayolity:


Walai, this is soooo me, I'll rather keep shut and walk away

It kills relationship, instead settle the matter at once

We share these same similarities!I don't like talkertive partners either.

4KNGOATS:
Am naturally I silent guy I don't know how to stay long in a conversation. The things I say though are not just for conversation sake I say things needed to be said and once I've driven home my points that's the end of the conversation.i hate beating around the bush,I hate fabricating tales although I like listening to fabricated tales to while away time So conclusively my partner has to talkative,I mean very talkative if we have to be together.

nairamaniac:


You are still extrapolating and digressing from the TOPIC.

This topic specifically reffers to people/someone you are in a RELATIONSHIP with.

Not some random persons that would be passing-by, hurt you and come back to apologize.

Would you be okay to allow your wife insult you in public, go by and later come back to apologize to you?

The answer would be "where is she GOING-BY-TO"? or "COMING-BACK-TO"?

When you both stay in the same house and take care of the same home, workers and children?

Its a different ballgame when there is RELATIONSHIP involved

And you are still not adhering to the Topic.

I get u bro.I have been married for over 15yrs and somehow it’s working for me.like I earlier said ppl are wired differently.I can be with u and u have 1bn and I need 200 naira to survive I won’t tell u.I’ll rather die than complain.I’m not an easy person.

Believe it or not, 90% of Nigerian ladies don't go to relationship or marriage for love or affection, what they do is transaction.

Only Nigeria men go after a girl for either love or beauty and sex.


Very few knows true love....

highchief1:
I get u bro.I have been married for over 15yrs and somehow it’s working for me.like I earlier said ppl are wired differently.I [b]can be with u and u have 1bn and I need 200 naira to survive I won’t tell u.[/b]I’ll rather die than complain.I’m not an easy person.

Hmmm! So if your wife hammers 1billion naira today today, you won't discuss with her on what and what could be done with part or all of the money for the betterment of herself or the family?


You would just keep quiet and ignore the good news like you are watching it all on TV?

anayolity:


Walai, this is soooo me, I'll rather keep shut and walk away

You would walk away completely silent from the marriage/relationship?


Or you would walk away from the kitchen to the bedroom?

Or from main house to boy's quarters?

I guess everything is reformatted whenever you physically change location ?
Wonderful

She insults you in the dinning front of her relatives.


You walk away to the bedroom, then it's like it never happened cos it's a brand new location?


Or maybe she would never ever come to your new found location?

GYBABA:
Anytime I have an argument with my lover lover & I decide to tow the silence part, konji always sets my head correct. I will say I won't apologize she's wrong but laslas after 2 or more hours, na me go still go pet her. She kuku stubborn ehn. She won't talk too ooo but the vexing will be much. Don't touch me, don't come near me, she fit pour extra pepper into food sef omoh but laslas na me dey pet her last & induce subtle apology. The elders wey talk say konji na bastard no lie.

I hope you won't live to regret someday, you must not be apologizing because of conji, if you are wrong then it's good, else make her understand that she is wrong. Be a man

When there is a healthy debate or even a heated argument in a relationship, it means that both people are trying to make their voices heard. They are trying to get their points across. They try to convince their partners of something or to convince themselves. However you divide it - opinions are on the table and you both know where the other stands. With silence, no one knows where the other stands.

Mmm.

ItisWell22?.post=126549058:
Usually silent when I feel we aren’t on the same page or our views of life don’t align.

What point is there talking to someone who has no opinion from personal experience, but almost all of their opinions are based on what people think or say?

Unintelligent people turn me off.
I no know, so I want someone who knows.

You just set my heart on fire. How can I know you?

nairamaniac:



You would walk away completely silent from the marriage/relationship?


Or you would walk away from the kitchen to the bedroom?

Or from main house to boy's quarters?

I guess everything is reformatted whenever you physically change location ?
Wonderful

She insults you in the dinning from if her relatives.


You walk away to the bedroom, then it's like it never happened cos it's a brand new location?


Or maybe she never ever comes to your new found location?

Nahhh that's not, I may address the issue there and then if I find it very relevant to respond, I have a very terrible temper that no one knows about and the things I say when I'm angry are very crazy.... So if I see it's not important to talk because of the tension or things that are irreparable when the heat dies down.... We can always talk about it with a clear head

pendragonbladgo:

It kills relationship, instead settle the matter at once

There some relationship you find yourself, it automatically turns you into a talkative simply because you are trying to address a particular issue always.... Sometimes I walk away and take the action I told about, months or weeks ago.

Communication is very vital in a relationship but sometimes action is more important

Hubris Propped Up As Silence

You're being diplomatic by calling it silence. It's what it is- hubris, pride, airs and insufferable arrogance.

Why, for the life of me, would u ignore your partner in a relationship? Worse still, why would you choose to abuse your partner emotionally? It's a form of abuse.

Communication is key. It's needed in every relationship. Partners have to communicate better to be able to build their relationship.

Some people don't communicate well at all- deliberately or unwittingly.

When relationships are based on a faulty foundation, for security, to meet societal expectations, tick the boxes, etc.

How many even know how co communicate?

GYBABA:
Anytime I have an argument with my lover lover & I decide to tow the silence part, konji always sets my head correct. I will say I won't apologize she's wrong but laslas after 2 or more hours, na me go still go pet her. She kuku stubborn ehn. She won't talk too ooo but the vexing will be much. Don't touch me, don't come near me, she fit pour extra pepper into food sef omoh but laslas na me dey pet her last & induce subtle apology. The elders wey talk say konji na bastard no lie.

This is the weakness of most men and women understand this so they weaponize sex and will refuse to apologize when they are wrong.

I don't condone such bad behaviour from my babe. She can keep her sex. There are many women in the world. An adult should be able to verbally apologize and mean it when she's wrong.

anayolity:


Nahhh that's not, I may address the issue there and then if I find it very relevant to respond, I have a very terrible temper that no one knows about and the things I say when I'm angry are very crazy.... So if I see it's not important to talk because of the tension or things that are irreparable when the heat dies down.... We can always talk about it with a clear head

Well it's best as you know how to handle your own temperament.

I see nothing wrong in talking about things with a clear head.
Infact I do that too.


But just pray not to jam those kinds of idiots that would still chatise you for "habouring issues in your mind over a period of time".


Those are the worst kinds of idiots.
No matter your kind manner of bringing up the past issues. They would still see you as evil for storing it in your mind for period of time.


Most women&men are like that.

anayolity:


Walai, this is soooo me, I'll rather keep shut and walk away

If you cannot express yourself without hurting who offended you, it means you are worse than your offender.

Or have a worseoff problem than he/she does.


Meaning in hindsight(after you have been offended) , you had deserved the offense that you experienced from your partner.

Long silence in a good relationship leads to too many negative assumptions and it's never healthy.
Thanks for sharing

nkolakacharles:
I talk to many women who don't understand what brought their relationships to the point where they need therapy. After all, they 'never argue with their husbands'. Well, of course it sends up a huge, waving red flag. If you NEVER disagree, you're probably not being honest, or worse, you're not saying anything.

Relational silence. It's annoying for you and your partner, because usually when you reach a point of silence - or closure - and you just don't want to engage with your partner in any meaningful communicative way...you have a big problem and it could be headed for a breakup or separation.

How do I know we are silent?
You know your relationship is suffering from silence when you haven't debated anything with your partner in the past few months—in fact, you haven't had an interesting conversation about anything that matters to either of you in the past few months. months or weeks. You have disconnected. And either you or he initiated the silence in an effort to stop having to deal with judgments, criticism, and other negative conversation killers.

Why is it such a poison?
When there is a healthy debate or even a heated argument in a relationship, it means that both people are trying to make their voices heard. They are trying to get their points across. They try to convince their partners of something or to convince themselves. However you divide it - opinions are on the table and you both know where the other stands. With silence, no one knows where the other stands. There is a lot of arguing and assuming because no one is heard. And we all know where that can lead.

what can i do about it
Relational silence is easily treated. Just start talking. The biggest hurdle is for someone to take the first step. The second is to begin to understand why the two of you closed. What was your last big fight? And what was said? And if the silence has gone beyond the point where anyone has taken the first leap of faith – you may need an impartial person like a mediator, religious leader or therapist to help you through this.

Quick Tip: If you're afraid to talk to your partner because of what their reaction might be - ask yourself "what am I afraid of?" What would be the worst case scenario if I asked to be interviewed? Do I trust my partner not to judge me, berate me, or leave me when I speak up?
Read lots of relationship tips at https://the10topdatingsites.com/

nairamaniac:


Well it's best as you know how to handle your own temperament.

I see nothing wrong in talking about things with a clear head.
Infact I do that too.


But just pray not to jam those kinds of idiots that would still chatise you for "habouring issues in your mind over a period of time".


Those are the worst kinds of idiots.
No matter your kind manner of bringing up the past issues. They would still see you as evil for storing it in your mind for period of time.


Most women&men are like that.

My dear, you see those people who sometimes say they don't carry things on their mind are the worst..... If something happens the first time depends on how serious it is, I'll give it a benefit of doubt, try it again and see.

People don't understand that someone can forget how you slapped them but not what you said to them.

nairamaniac:

If you cannot express yourself without hurting who offended you, it means you are worse than your offender.

Or have a worseoff problem than he/she does.


Meaning in hindsight(after you have been offended) , you had deserved the offense that you experienced from your partner.

Sometimes it's better to address issues with a clear head especially when you know how angry you get and the things you say..... I can't hurt my loved one with certain words simply because I'm trying to solve an issue on the spot.

I'd rather be at peace than be right sometimes

syntekelite:


The right word you were looking for is silent people are calculating and deep it has nothing to do with being mean cos even happy good talkative people can be mean

Well i speak from my own experience and people i've encounted, most quiet people are mean. Be that as it may, they talk alot once they comfortable around and always willing to help.

tega192:
Omo so dollars na 1200 to naira ona nor protest , as na Yoruba person be president everywhere m quiet if na good luck ona nor go let us hear word

Shut up or start the protest from ur sadeast region now. Later now una go dey lie say no be south west dey lead why una follow follow.
3rd citozens

kokomilala:
Hubris Propped Up As Silence

You're being diplomatic by calling it silence. It's what it is- hubris, pride, airs and insufferable arrogance.

Why, for the life of me, would u ignore your partner in a relationship? Worse still, why would you choose to abuse your partner emotionally? It's a form of abuse.

Communication is key. It's needed in every relationship. Partners have to communicate better to be able to build their relationship.

Some people don't communicate well at all- deliberately or unwittingly.

Sigh.

tega192:
Omo so dollars na 1200 to naira ona nor protest , as na Yoruba person be president everywhere m quiet if na good luck ona nor go let us hear word

you never enter street?