₦airaland Forum

Jewessgratitud3:
Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

akaahs:
I no come understand ur story. U come later change church? Because that aspect of only meeting in church dey make doubt the story

3ice9ce:
Those men you dated were lucky they didn't end up with you. The fights wouldn't have been funny. You are not mentally and emotionally prepared, it's better you stay alone.

youngestgrad:
I don't have a problem with you being a spinster at 42 but I have a problem with you condemning the institution of marriage and saying wild generalizations like married men are dumping their families. Stop trying to console yourself by imagining that all married people are unhappy and you are better off. THAT IS A BIG LIE!!

Jewessgratitud3:
Na your family members be that. My case can never and will never be like theirs because for me if I choose to marry now now, it only takes a phone call or replying my dm. So, don't conclude yet.

Primusinterpares:
If you are someone that wants to have a family. I advise you to calm down and allow love find you... Menopause is also close by... But then miracle nor dey tire Jesus.

If you are someone that really don't care about family and companionship then I advise you to continue making your money and enjoy yourself.

Those suitors will stop coming very soon as your biological clock is ticking... You won't look young forever.

In all, do what ever makes you happy.

oxiide22:
you either masturbate a lot or u r doing it with ladies to quench your thirst for men's stick. You have anger management problem n you are very stingy woman

1Sharon:
If it was yourself you posted in your picture the other day, you aren't 42.


You're a troll.

Saintinoo:
That is one reason I don't fancy relationships with women, someone out there will be putting eye on my own money, money I suffered to get. Until I marry a lady, I just can't spend on her anyhow.

MikeMicheal:
This one dey find totoo

BigBashiru:
Well said. I modified one of my posts and wanted to make sure you saw the modification:

It is not a bad thing for a woman not to be inclined to be a mother... The problem we have in Nigeria is we try to force motherhood on every woman... Some women are meant to be career women who have no or little interest in men, some are meant to be nuns in the convent, some are meant to be mistresses and concubines, some female players, etc... its not a bad thing....

Bitecoin:
Some ladies are just delusional, they think when a serious minded and well to do mature man comes around they will say he's a potential suitor

Nice guys are smarter now , when they know they have so much to lose a d take a woman who has a lot of emotional baggage. Na to chop and clean mouth

kazyhm:
Please the bolded statements refer.
1) please define good life.
2) please define life achievement.

If you're delusional, please don't export it to others.

Aaaaarghmed:
Nice story,life is all about choices.only you knows what will make you happy and it is not dependent on marriage. For me,I will like to have like 2 kids.but marriage.. I don't tink I can stay In the same house with a woman because I dont have patience to tolerate their issues.I was almost dating a lady of your age too early this year but what baffled me was that ,there was no aspect of her life that is functioning well,she was 43,no husband, no kids,no job,no house,staying in church house.it was weird to me because at least she should be doing something,so I just blanked her.i cant deal with a liability at my stage now.beem there,done that.All the best in pursuit of happiness.

Jewessgratitud3:
Hmm... You seem to understand my personality.

The thing is, they come anytime I talk to God about it but my fear is I keep getting what I don't really want. Like no feelings for them. Like now, as I was typing , one just called me. He's everything but the attraction is not there. I'm scared I don't want to enter and now regret. No feelings for him.

casualobserver:
That this woman feels a need a come and tell her story just says deep down she is not happy. Misery loves company. If you are truly happy with yourself you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone talk less strangers. Freud the renowned psychologist will probably say this is her way of coming to terms with her reality.

It is like a man coming to the internet to tell us why he is happy being poor. Yeah right.

LandMann:
[size=8pt][/size]

Your story is pathetic. I thought I'd read about someone who is a very strong and independent (financially especially) woman... But all I read about is a typical beggarly/parasitic Nigerian woman who was given the wrong programming by her over religious parents and is now looking to end up regretting her life in old age.

You expect men to provide your needs but you feel it is a taboo when they ask you to satisfy their need that is also a biological need both of you share.

You can comfort yourself by blaming all men for your problems. But ask yourself how come your mother stayed with your dad and birthed you? Why didn't she make the same decision as you now so that she would not have given birth to you?

You have shown that a woman at her prime is greatly desired by men for sex, relationship/companionship and marriage. The best woman is the woman who is able to starve off all the bad eggs and select the best companion that will help her start a family and also contribute her quota towards ensuring the survival of the human race.

As you continue to age, fewer men will desire you. With no husband and child/children to desire and give you companionship, you will discover the true meaning of loneliness, and you will try to hide it by hating on all men.

Your parents may not openly tell you or ask about why you chose to remain single for life but it'll be a pain they'll carry in their heart to their grave knowing that they failed to bring you up socially.

I hope you get to settle down and have a child or children to call your own.

And I hope the poison in your heart doesn't spread to other young innocent women out there.

1Sharon:
If it was yourself you posted in your picture the other day, you aren't 42.


You're a troll.

Farfalla:
And what is the worst that could happen if they stopped coming? Loneliness for life? Shame for life? What exactly will happen? Death?

The more you look at these things, the more you realize it's all in your head. Instead of running away from things like this just face them head-on. I can relate to the OP perfectly because I used to be referred to as "the picky one" during my dating days, and I was also prepared for the possibility of being alone for life had a desirable partner not showed up.

Cutehector:
at 60... No pikin ahhhhhh.... Think am again o..go fvck o..

deyplay:
Don't also waste miracles. Miracles are supernatural intervention, so if it can be resolved naturally why use supernatural powers. If your scissors can cut a rope,why use a cutlass?

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

HardMirror:
exactly. i know my daughters type

BigBashiru:
Well said. I modified one of my posts and wanted to make sure you saw the modification:

It is not a bad thing for a woman not to be inclined to be a mother... The problem we have in Nigeria is we try to force motherhood on every woman... Some women are meant to be career women who have no or little interest in men, some are meant to be nuns in the convent, some are meant to be mistresses and concubines, some female players, etc... its not a bad thing....

Jewessgratitud3:
It's amazing how I was contemplating making this post before a member here requested or should I say started asking me questions in that line and being a very free and open person, I promised I was going to post about it.

Well... Let me start from my background and up bringing which also contributed indirectly to my nonregrettable actions that has left me in this wonderful marital status.

I grew up in a Catholic christian home where good virtues moral values were instilled in us by engaging us in christian children activities from an early age. The Most social part of my childhood ( apart from school) was around the church then back home with close monitoring. So there was no room for nonsense even up to our secondary and tertiary level. the monitoring was topnotch. So we didn't really get to do shit like our mates who got exposed early to certain lifestyle,; dating number one.

We were overprotected and shaped with these guidelines that a mindset was formed that boy and girl relationship is a taboo ( and it's true). So we knew better than to toll that part.

In the long run, after I have come off age, it became very difficult to date. This was at age 21. Whenever I manage to give a man a listening ear and he mentions sex, I'll run without looking back because that was a danger sign we were taught to look out for. So i was always running away from men because of premarital sex. It got to a point, after looking like that's the only way to get a husband and I was already in my mid twenties, a time when a girl should be getting ready to settle down, I said ok, let me see if I can bend the rules a bit for this one. This man was a chronic responsible bachelor. So I felt it could work out since he's ready to settle down. He was in his mid 30s the and never married. We were in the same compound. So I gave in and we started dating. Mind you there was no pressure from both parents to get married. My parents will never pressure you to get a suitor.

Being a novice in the game, I never knew men could double date or even knew how to handle one when it happens. So, on this fateful day the randy goat came home with another girl. It was our last born that came and told me some girl came to look for him because everyone in the compound knows us together. I was heartbroken and right there I broke up with him without even finding out who or if what they both have is serious. Though I made him cry cos I started entertaining other boys that have been chyking me and bringing them to the compound but I never had anything with them or knew any of their houses. I was just using the to pepper him. Once they say hi, I'll drag them to the compound and we will sit on top of his car sometimes until he now confided in one of our neighbors who now told me to stop that the man is always crying. E never cry. I showed him two can play that game. He tried coming back but I bulshit him.

After that I locked up and never trusted any man. I began to see why my dad was being overprotective. I didn't date again for almost five years and then men were coming but that was when my own shakara increased. I mean responsible well to do men o. That was when men had good jobs from banking, investment and oil companies in ikoyi and vi both staff from five star hotel like Eko hotels and suites, federal palace cos those were the places I worked so I had many suitors and friends but the moment they mention relationship, Ill take off.

Part 2

It continued like that and I was enjoying my life with peace of mind that I forgot about time or didn't bother about it cos I don't care.

When I entered mid thirties, I said let me loosen up a bit but because Ive gotten used and enjoyed single life with peace of mind to that age, I found it difficult to commit again because anytime I tried, I'll start having anxiety. The thought of him cheating on me or even as little as admiring another woman will just make me unsettled and I'll think of aborting mission before it's too late.

So I said to give one man a chance, he too brought another girl in my absence. I found out from the sister and that was it. I called it off he begged and begged that the lady was forcing herself on him and sending him money bla bla.. he made a conference call with his family begging, my mind was made up I dumped him and moved on to a Choir boy Ive been admiring who was also trying to talk me into a relationship. I truly loved this guy and I think I was older than him in age . Though he refused to tell me his age but I was able to deduce from his Facebook profile cos he wrote class of 2006 while I finished 1999 but because I don't look my age, we just looked like age mate and we loved each other.

I met him when he just finished serving and was squatting. I was out of job then but one thing that made me stick with him was, even though he was not working, he shared whatever little he had with me. We were together when a very rich young pastor came asking for my hands in marriage. I told him about it and he started feeling sad that because he doesn't have a bearing now some guy wants to take me away from him. I on the other hand don't really fancy the pastor but wanted to force myself and see if it will work but it wasn't working because I didn't have feelings for him. To now make matters worse, he started showing stinginess. In the three months we courted, we didn't get to sit together because he's a pastor so we only see in church, stand and talk very briefly and disperse and each time he kept posting me about money I asked for to enable me travel for Xmas and the day was fast approaching. It was my Choir boyfriend that wen to borrow money from one girl selling recharge card to give me to travel. Now coupled with the fact that I don't even like him, i just texted him to look for another sister. The highest he ever bought me was two two hundred naira recharge card a stinkingly rich ajebota pastor for that matter ( 2014) but he would always call me.

Lastly, in 2016, my bobo got a job in Chevron with a nice apartment in lekki. Before then we had a small quarrel and we're not in talking terms because I requested for money for hair to attend my twins introduction and he told me no money but he didn't tell me he was saving for an apartment. Even then, how much? So, after months of not talking, he called and invited me over to see his new place. A surprise I guess. I got there and we had a nice time. He tried to make it up to me. He gave me his short and polo to wear that day and took me to a pepper soup joint. **Smiling**
later we got back and ad I was about to shower, I saw a used shower cap in his bathroom. He now handed me a new one from his wardrobe where there were many more. I asked him who used the one in the bathroom, he said baby don't start again. I held my peace.
The following morning he did something that I can't say for sure what really happened.

I slept over because there was no way I could go back from lekki to the mainland that day. That night he came to disturb me and I told him you know we can't be doing this. Please let wait till everything is formalized. When he wouldn't let me be, I left him and went to sleep on the floor. In the morning he woke up and was saying you, you, I was just looking at you as we were talking someone knocked on the door. It was a ladies voice. My ex went to meet her and they were together for almost 30mins before he came back inside. Me i didn't talk. I suspected he went to do nonsense because his thing was up when he left only to come back and it has come down.

We prepared and left together that morning for work. When I got home, I called and told him off. Na small thing dey vex me. He didn't believe it. So many things on my mind that made me take that huge decision. Men are not worth my type.

Since then till date, I stopped anything relationship especially if it's not a born again and I must like him. I faced my God ever since and decided to give myself peace. I can't stand a cheating partner. Disease dey town and I don't want to end up a baby mama.

Now, with the way things are, no jobs, the few decent men can hardly fend for themselves let alone catering for a family, I just decided to let sleeping dogs lie. Make person no come enter from fry pan to fire. Some family men now are dumping their family and running away from their responsibilities leaving the women to carry all the burden. So tell me what will make marriage enticing to me again? Abi na domestic violence? Biko Biko.

HardMirror:
my daughter is an idiot. i am a family man and I just rolled my eyes reading that concluding trash.