₦airaland Forum

Nazgul:
Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

Gerrard59:
While I agree with the rest, the bold is quite tricky. I understand the place of both couples, but a woman who is a sit-at-home mom is adding greater value than just being described as a jobless wife. Obviously, the woman should be educated, both schooled and philosophical to be a proper SAHM. However, in a case where the man can afford to take care of the family, there is nothing wrong with having a wife who stays at home taking care of the children and housefront. Taking care of children is a job in itself, at least for your lineage and society. Properly raised children contribute positively to the wider society.

The global economy has distorted that system and one of its major results is low birth rates because women joined the workforce. This is not to say women joining the workforce is bad, but when both couples are working and abdicated the job of raising children to daycare schools, then even the money both are working goes to daycare institutions. It is for this reason Xi of China wants Chinese women to reduce working hours and stay at home so that birth rates rise. As for daycare schools, one of the reasons immigrant families in developed countries have higher birth rates is because their parents step in to assist in taking of their grandchildren, aka Omugwo.

Again, nothing wrong with a wife who works, but nothing wrong as well with a woman who stays at home raising the children and managing the homefront. Each marriage is unique.

Gerrard59:
While I agree with the rest, the bold is quite tricky. I understand the place of both couples, but a woman who is a sit-at-home mom is adding greater value than just being described as a jobless wife. Obviously, the woman should be educated, both schooled and philosophical to be a proper SAHM. However, in a case where the man can afford to take care of the family, there is nothing wrong with having a wife who stays at home taking care of the children and housefront. Taking care of children is a job in itself, at least for your lineage and society. Properly raised children contribute positively to the wider society.

The global economy has distorted that system and one of its major results is low birth rates because women joined the workforce. This is not to say women joining the workforce is bad, but when both couples are working and abdicated the job of raising children to daycare schools, then even the money both are working goes to daycare institutions. It is for this reason Xi of China wants Chinese women to reduce working hours and stay at home so that birth rates rise. As for daycare schools, one of the reasons immigrant families in developed countries have higher birth rates is because their parents step in to assist in taking of their grandchildren, aka Omugwo.

Again, nothing wrong with a wife who works, but nothing wrong as well with a woman who stays at home raising the children and managing the homefront. Each marriage is unique.

emmaodet:
Exactly
I don't know the reason for the high rate of attack at housewives as if they are lazy.
Many men don't even appreciate the efforts these women are putting at home to make the family run smoothly.
You meet your food at the regular time - morning, afternoon and evening likewise your kids. She takes them to school and pick them up, washes clothes, mop and sweeps the house etc and we just think these jobs are not work.
How many men can even do all these? Immediately most men lose their wives, they quickly rush to remarry so as to transfer that burden to another woman.
They hardly wait long enough to cook their own foods and kids, bath them, take them to school and pick up etc yet we don't appreciate the women doing these silent jobs

Persephone1:
See eh.. I have come to realize that the reason why some of these guys opinions appear to be blatant lies or exaggeration is because this forum is a gathering of people from different regions,norms, practices and values. I have come to understand why men of a specific region may have an upsetting opinion of women of that region, the problem is with the expression i.e the generalization.

Sometimes when I read bold statement like the one Naz made on "women respect" I tend to ask myself where our respectful grandma's, mothers ,sisters, aunties, female teachers, female neighbors, female friends came from because out of these people there are some whose husband's are below average financial yet they get the King treatment and even get away with a lot of things. I hardly see these women call their husbands by name or look in their husbands eyes, some bend to serve or greet their husbands and some have lost record of money their husbands "borrowed" from them . I hardly see these women use "o" to address their husbands it is always "eh eh eh" .

The problem is the way these guys make it seem like women from their region make 100% women of Nigeria. Sadly they are the loudest bunch on this forum. Even the ratio scale he's projecting we know which region practice it, we have been abused for it as " strong sufferhead women" severally but hardly praised for it. Rather they will paint all women bad!

Nazgul:
True, a house wife isn't lazy. Infact she works harder than husband. The only difference is that he's efforts is rewarded with wages, while that of the woman isn't.

But for me, I'm totally against any woman who chooses to become a full time house wife in her husband's house. But should discuss what she'll be doing when they get married.

I'm still single, yet I know how much I spend on bills alone. In 2020 a token recharge of 5k on your prepaid meter would see you through the month. Today with 20k the highest it would take you is 3 weeks. Should I add fuel (gen and car) data, gotv (it's now N7,500)...

This night I bought bread to drink with tea, the last time I bought that particular brand of bread, it was N700. Now it's 1k.

Our ever rising inflation would frustrate any man who chooses this path. Cos when the bills start rolling in, he'll take out his frustration on the innocent hard working woman.

Kaycee54321:
Very salient points to discuss.

Especially that number 8.

Before somebody's daughter will sow family savings as first seed after one powerful sermon from a "Man of God" in January.

I
We gats agree and if possible put it in writing...because I don't even know what couples sign on the wedding day that it's looking like they don't know what they agreed to do in the first place, after some years...

FalseProphet1:
I see more struggling brothers getting married to broke and jobless girls, I see these girls insulting them horribly in that marriage.

I see them coming to my spiritual center for solutions, I see myself asking them to pay heavily because they married based on nyash and breasts, I see many marriages crumbling.

This I have seen.

Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

emmaodet:
Exactly
I don't know the reason for the high rate of attack at housewives as if they are lazy.
Many men don't even appreciate the efforts these women are putting at home to make the family run smoothly.
You meet your food at the regular time - morning, afternoon and evening likewise your kids. She takes them to school and pick them up, washes clothes, mop and sweeps the house etc and we just think these jobs are not work.
How many men can even do all these? Immediately most men lose their wives, they quickly rush to remarry so as to transfer that burden to another woman.
They hardly wait long enough to cook their own foods and kids, bath them, take them to school and pick up etc yet we don't appreciate the women doing these silent jobs

Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

FalseProphet1:
I see more struggling brothers getting married to broke and jobless girls, I see these girls insulting them horribly in that marriage.

I see them coming to my spiritual center for solutions, I see myself asking them to pay heavily because they married based on nyash and breasts, I see many marriages crumbling.

This I have seen.

Meerahbel:
Back in college, I dated someone who was relatively rich. It was my birthday. We had a CCD outlet within my college campus, were we usually bought birthday cakes.

There were two cakes to choose from: chocolate or red velvet. He bought both because he didn't know my preference. Flexing in front of our friends was another reason.

At this point, we had already been together for over two years. Two years of ‘being in love' and still, he didn't know that chocolate flavour is the obvious choice. I disliked red velvet cakes. This made me notice — he didn't really know anything about me. The small things. Things that bring me joy. Things that trigger me. Things I would rather avoid.

I would always wear subtle colours and would tell him I hated anything that is brightly coloured. He would buy expensive funky colored headphones for me. This was a pattern.

I would make gifts for him. He wouldn't consider them as gifts at all because it wasn't store bought

Financially, my family wasn't doing great back then. So, I had a general disdain for people who didn't value money and spent it loosely. I hated his spending habits. Now, I am doing quite well for myself. I can spend recklessly if I want to and still not be broke. But I still hate people who don't value money.

'I bought this shirt for 3k' — that's how he talked. About things and about people. Expensive things and rich people. Rest didn't mean anything to him. Thank god, the relationship didn't work out.

The fact that he was rich wasn't an issue, but the way he treated money was.

The fact that he can afford expensive things didn't matter, when he didn't even know my likes and dislikes.

I can afford a lot of things that I couldn't afford 3 years ago. If a dress had a 4 digit price tag, it was an absolute no for me earlier. Now, even though I can buy them — I don't automatically look for expensive clothes. I look for clothes I like — sometimes they cost less, sometimes they cost more — I'll buy it if I like it and if it's a reasonable price. That's the attitude I have and the attitude I looked for in a partner.

You can make your partner happy with whatever money you have. You can also fail at making her/him happy, inspite of being stinky rich. It depends …

flexydote:
Op. God bless you for this your writeup.

That's how my babe have been telling me that I shouldn't worry about money, infact I shouldn't even talk about it.

That when we marry, there will be blessing attached to the marriage.

Reason why I don't want to go into marriage now is cause I'm not making to much to start feeding two mouth, health, cloth and practically take of two individuals now. So I told her to chill first cause tho I'm expecting something huge that could upgrade my financial status but the pressure to get married to her no be here o.

I have seen a lot in the streets to not have sense in this matter. Omo forget Love o cause when it comes to the real matter it boils down to MONEY.

back in the days sef, you only marry when you can take care of a lady not because of Love.

Gen Z dem have changed the narrative.

Marriage is an Institution but na only few understand that terminology.

Magnoliaa:
I have not even finished reading this post, but the blanket statements are turning me off already.


Is it not getting married out of necessity that pushes people to cheating? I would have expected the post to address how there are many ingredients for a successful marriage. Espousing either of money or love as the most important thing is what will always lead to issues.

So if financial security is guaranteed, there'll be no more problems?

And did you really say (most) broken marriages are caused by finances? What does broken means here? Because they're many couples who are living together and fulfilling their responsibilities to each other, like robots, but there's no love shared between them. And where will you rank infertility, infidelity, abuse, children rebellion, family interference, etc., on the scale of marital issues? What data is backing such claim up here in Nigeria?

JagabanB:
I think this particular topic is more focused on love and money although there are some ambiguous assumptions in the write up.