Dikastan:

Pray you don't go down one day cos it is only your family that can truly be there for you

I'm talking based on experience.

babaYIBO:
Just saw a thread where a guy is complaining about his friend not telling him about the fact that he was building his house, and I see a lot of comments complaining condemning the said friend.

https://www.nairaland.com/7892469/he-completed-house-without-uttering

Funny how people exact same thing happened to me last year, this time it wasn’t a from a friend but a blood sister who I thought loved me the way I do for her.

This woman was building her house while pretending to everyone that she was broke.

Funniest thing is, few weeks to moving to us getting to know about the house, she was asking me to lend her 300k as she has plenty debts to pay. Almost sent her 100k, but then I remembered how she prefers to party with her women associates more than she’s willing to buy anything for my parents. This is someone that my dad built and opened shop for.

If a friend do this to me now, walahi I won’t be surprised.

listen to "Identity " by Oliver de Coque & rest your mind

Lekan239:
I'm not supporting the fact that u guys are not informed about her building her ous. But you know building a house can really make someone very broke. Don't forget that money spent can never be in your account again

I find begging others money very irritating and inconsiderate...and that's because i feel everyone is just managing themselves... so I hate it when people justify begging...what's worse here is that shes using her money for what she likes including ówámbe parties... but thinks it's cool to beg someone for their own money...(which they may not have plenty but give her because shes family)


By the way i'm not the op..u pple should read well before directing ur comment.....

Tell you,
to help with serving Mason or what.

There's 99% chances that you'd try to benefit financially through one way or the other if you're told

so with all due respect, knowing or not knowing isn't an issue,
rest!

SIRTee15:
babaYibo ignore juvenile and immature rants here on NL. I read response to the friends one yesterday and concluded na small pikin dey nairaland. Until it happens to them, they won't understand.

Housing project is a big achievement in naija esp for the middle class. If not, why is the friend throwing a huge party because he built a house.

There's something called betrayal of trust and that's what your sister and the friend did. There's something in Yoruba called aponle- regard, it's obvious your sister don't have much regard for u, same for the friend.
Your sister don't want to have a close relationship with u, just see it that way and respect her choice. Do your thing and let her hers. It's painful but that's the way it is.

How is it betrayal of trust?, did she borrow money and run away with it, or did she scam anybody, you people just create bad blood btwn people this is evil, totally wrong, everybody should mind their business, it is people like you that collect the properties of children if something happens to their parents, just be happy for her and work for your own, understand that she kept it quiet becos she does not want distractions of any kind or type from anyone family or friends

Jewessgratitud3:
Why is this a problem and why are some of you feeling so entitled and wanting to be in the know of other people's private life and plans?

The other day it was a friend complaining that his friend didn't tell him he was building a house. Abeg, Shey Dem collect money for una hand take build the house nii?

A person has the right to conceal his plans from the public until he has accomplished it and you have no right to condemn him for it. He even told you people after successfully completing his project and instead of you to be happy for him you're angry. for what? Did you have plots to t.wat his plans.

Please, never divulge your plans until it is matured and successfully accomplished because some people are dream killers and will destroy your plans even before you accomplish it..

Be happy for him. He owes non of you any explanations. When you too build your own don't tell him.

To whom much is giving much is expected. If I share alot things with you I also expect the same energy...if you.like call it entitlement mentality. I can't control what ppl chooses to do in any of my relationships but I will respond appropriately. I will not complain but trust me our relationship will definitely change. It is as simple as that.

havenz:
At least she for tell one person among her family members, what if something had happened to her badly or she go further (God forbid o), the whole of her plan and the building for be another stranger inheritance. Let's learn to keep somethings out of secret abeg, family is one.

Exactly how they die and dash money to banks....lol. I know you don't have to trust nobody but in the end you must trust someone or else you end up trusting a stranger banker...lol while your family suffer when you die.

Very wise woman. Dem for use taxing collect the money for her house.

It's a good thing fir your sister to build a house weather secretly or not, you should be proud of her and applaud her .

But the aspect if her begging when she has more than enough that's really bad.

Lif e is not about what you achieve but what you were able to build. Achivevement last at most a lifetime but what you build,transcends time or generations.

You got it, i think that's the issue, hiding the house is not the matter, it is pretending to be broke.

advanceDNA:

Building ur own place secretly is one thing ...

pretending to be broke, building ur own house and telling ur folks to give ur money is another thing ....That's exploitation of family ties and the church mind ur family members naturally have towards u..... It's wickedness.

Shalommy:
You can't be a cheerful giver and expect better achievements. She did well. Congrats to her.

tete

Since my 'friend' accused me of being into yahoo, I unfriended him immediately without telling him anything.

When he later got to know about my property in Abuja, the envy became so obvious.

Tell no one about anything you plan to achieve

Manuel91:
Abegiii!!
I don’t see anything wrong with that; people need to stop being entitled. What you’re allowed to know is what you get; be it family or friend. Respect people’s decision. The fact that your family decides to make moves without informing any of you doesn’t mean they love you less. They’re just comfortable operating that way, which shouldn’t be a reason to be upset. Being upset only shows some sought of envy towards the information… my opinion!!

L
I hope your close relatives do same for you. Especially the people you love with all your life and always ready to divulge your life progress to them.

I hope your kids do same for you as well.

Those kind thing don't bother me but it's good to tell a family member you trust so well.

Some 12 years back, a young guy in my street was building a house at Agbara, he bought sand and followed the tipper. Tipper collided with a truck both driver and this young guy died. But the driver's boy made it alive.

If not for that boy, the wife did not know the husband was building a house. It was the boy that showed them the land.

Ofadaman:
People owe you nothing ,because you yap about everything is the reason you expect others to do the same.

Plus exactly this kind of attitude of self entitlement is what made her not inform you.
Why do you feel entitled that she must tell u about her finances ,why do you feel pained that she built a house without telling you, if she told you would give her a penny?

You people aren’t seeing this thing in the same perspective as I want, but I understand, this is the internet until it becomes your reality.

I’m talking about someone that go about acting broke and all the family would not mind contributing to donate to her.

Funniest thing is, non of our parents know and my dad to death complained about the fact that she’s the most different amongst us. I was defending her in front of my dad. Begging him to forgive her whatever she must hav done.

babaYIBO:
Just saw a thread where a guy is complaining about his friend not telling him about the fact that he was building his house, and I see a lot of comments complaining condemning the said friend.

https://www.nairaland.com/7892469/he-completed-house-without-uttering

Funny how people exact same thing happened to me last year, this time it wasn’t a from a friend but a blood sister who I thought loved me the way I do for her.

This woman was building her house while pretending to everyone that she was broke.

Funniest thing is, few weeks to moving to us getting to know about the house, she was asking me to lend her 300k as she has plenty debts to pay. Almost sent her 100k, but then I remembered how she prefers to party with her women associates more than she’s willing to buy anything for my parents. This is someone that my dad built and opened shop for.

If a friend do this to me now, walahi I won’t be surprised.

Ops

Are you angry that your sister built a house and completed it without letting you or anyone else in the family knew about it, or this is anger and surprise about her deceit, claiming to be broke when she had a major financial investment??

Xpol:
Lol. if she didn't do that, your numerous demands wouldn't have let her finished that project .
She's a wise woman/lady.
In Africa, if you're rich friends and family feel/think they're your responsibilities but if you're poor they feel/think you're on your own.

Funny enough, nobody relied or expected anything from her.

At least she you dont have to worry about her, since she has something that could help her.

Although there is no longer trust, but she can stand on her own.

Move on and focus on whats ahead.

But that her pretending was not good, seems she used the family to gather capital

babaYIBO:


You people aren’t seeing this thing in the same perspective as I want, but I understand, this is the internet until it becomes your reality.

I’m talking about someone that go about acting broke and all the family would not mind contributing to donate to her.

Funniest thing is, non of our parents know and my dad to death complained about the fact that she’s the most different amongst us. I was defending her in front of my dad. Begging him to forgive her whatever she must hav done.

People keep things to themselves this days, especially in Nigeria 🇳🇬

SIRTee15:
babaYibo ignore juvenile and immature rants here on NL. I read response to the friends one yesterday and concluded na small pikin dey nairaland. Until it happens to them, they won't understand.

Housing project is a big achievement in naija esp for the middle class. If not, why is the friend throwing a huge party because he built a house.

There's something called betrayal of trust and that's what your sister and the friend did. There's something in Yoruba called aponle- regard, it's obvious your sister don't have much regard for u, same for the friend.
Your sister don't want to have a close relationship with u, just see it that way and respect her choice. Do your thing and let her hers. It's painful but that's the way it is.

The most painful part is that I have so much regard for her.

I’m never entitled to her money, infact I sometimes give her money because of her level of acting broke.

I also go out of way to make sure I stand for her even when she had issue with my dad when he was alive.

You know that feeling when you love someone, not because of what they want to give you, but because you just want the best for them and you want them to be happy.

E get why

If you claim you really care, then you wil move on, because its time to do so, do not dwell on pain. At least not for long.

babaYIBO:


The most painful part is that I have so much regard for her.

I’m never entitled to her money, infact I sometimes give her money because of her level of acting broke.

I also go out of way to make sure I stand for her even when she had issue with my dad when he was alive.

You know that feeling when you love someone, not because of what they want to give you, but because you just want the best for them and you want them to be happy.

Once in this life you realize that no one owes u nothing, I repeat no one, then u will go far in life.

bestman09:
Everything should not be kept secret in life. A man was building a house secretly in felele area, Ibadan without telling his wife or any relation and suddenly died due to an accident in 1996. Because no one knew his family, that land remained fallow for over 20 years till 3 years ago when some omonile fought over the land as one set of omonile sold the house to someone else without settling the other side, that's how people knew about the reason why the land has been idle for a long time. However the matter was settled but the family of the man that owned the land remains unknown and the said land has been resold to someone else.

It's fair enough to hide some things to friends, but family? Noo

It doesn't matter, the living should hustle theirs. When I make money I will do the same. I can't be alive n be fighting for my own money bcus you are my wife

SeriouslySense:
If you claim you really care, then you wil move on, because its time to do so, do not dwell on pain. At least not for long.

I’m not dwelling on the pain whatsoever and I’ve really moved on. Most times when I’m sharing money to my siblings in festive periods, I still include her in the sharing.

But her actions has thought me to not put her on the family level that I put others, I honestly now see her as a stranger.

I’m a family oriented person and I believe the way we treat family should be different from the way we treat strangers. Usually treating your family with regards and love will not be just for your own benefit, but also foster on your kids too.

How you treat your siblings will definitely have impact your children as well.

You don’t treat your siblings like a total stranger and expect them to treat your children like your own when you’re around or not.

You have done the right thing to be genorous despite her deceits, and moving on.

You are right, and that is the right thing to do, but i think in nigeria, especially southern Nigeria, we tend to to become easily jealous, and want others to be lower than us, because we like using power to oppress and use those who dont have the same priviledges, such culture destroys the people in the long run. And thinking like how you are thinking is wise and that is how we should be thinking.

Being together as a family, helps in knowledge sharing, even in skill discovery, if the family are wise and not forcused on quarrels and drama.
It also helps to pass on wisdom acquired by elders and helps the children to be more confident and know a lot about their strenghts.

Although we may be losing some of these things, but these are the ties that helps us, when we cannot help ourselves.

I hope she stops that attitude, because it breaks family ties, and what if she is alone and trully needs help, no one will trust she is authentic.

Building the house and hiding that fact from everyone, is not a problem, but pretending to be broke and collecting money is the matter, she should not try to look smart and make others look like fools, especially if her intention was to use it as a means to gather capital.

babaYIBO:


I’m not dwelling on the pain whatsoever and I’ve really moved on. Most times when I’m sharing money to my siblings in festive periods, I still include her in the sharing.

But her actions has thought me to not put her on the family level that I put others, I honestly now see her as a stranger.

I’m a family oriented person and I believe the way we treat family should be different from the way we treat strangers. Usually treating your family with regards and love will not be just for your own benefit, but also foster on your kids too.

How you treat your siblings will definitely have impact your children as well.

You don’t treat your siblings like a total stranger and expect them to treat your children like your own when you’re around or not.

Building her house in secret - YES (Wise decision)
Pretending to be broke - YES (Wise decision)
Pretending to be broke to extort money from loved ones - NO (Very callous of her)

Shalommy:
She's a wise woman. Some family members are obstacles. Chaii..

That's a very bad idea and act. It is not good at all not trusting anyone in your family but still keep asking them for favours.

Yes, that's a very callous user. If you don't trust them then why are you going to them for favours?

maasoap:

That's a very bad idea and act. It is not good at all not trusting anyone in your family but still keep asking them for favours.

Jewessgratitud3:
Why is this a problem and why are some of you feeling so entitled and wanting to be in the know of other people's private life and plans?

The other day it was a friend complaining that his friend didn't tell him he was building a house. Abeg, Shey Dem collect money for una hand take build the house nii?

A person has the right to conceal his plans from the public until he has accomplished it and you have no right to condemn him for it. He even told you people after successfully completing his project and instead of you to be happy for him you're angry. for what? Did you have plots to t.wat his plans.

Please, never divulge your plans until it is matured and successfully accomplished because some people are dream killers and will destroy your plans even before you accomplish it..

Be happy for him. He owes non of you any explanations. When you too build your own don't tell him.

What a poor terrible mindset and mentality!

babaYIBO:


I’m not dwelling on the pain whatsoever and I’ve really moved on. Most times when I’m sharing money to my siblings in festive periods, I still include her in the sharing.

But her actions has thought me to not put her on the family level that I put others, I honestly now see her as a stranger.

I’m a family oriented person and I believe the way we treat family should be different from the way we treat strangers. Usually treating your family with regards and love will not be just for your own benefit, but also foster on your kids too.

How you treat your siblings will definitely have impact your children as well.

You don’t treat your siblings like a total stranger and expect them to treat your children like your own when you’re around or not.

She successfully alienated herself from the rest of her family