₦airaland Forum

Yemike:
My life have been stagnant for like 4-5 years now. I work in a factory and I also sow clothes.
I've not been able to spend money on myself or to pursue my dream as a result of family responsibilities.
I'm a drop out of FUOYE and I'll so much love to go back to school but the plan has been failing for 2 years now.

I've obtained a part time form from Adekunle Ajasin University Ibadan campus last month hoping to start the new session next year but my problem now is that I have a brother that just finished HND 1, his rent has expired and he'll pay his school fees this January.
I paid his rent and school fees for HND 1 and he has notified me for HND 2.
My fear now is that time us running out for me (I'm 27yrs now) as I sincerely wanted to go back to school but I can't sponsor myself and two siblings.

Should I wait for another year or everybody should carry his cross?

Is going to school more important to you than making money? Why dont you focus on your skill, upgrade it and make more money. The age we are is no longer the age of Certificates, certificates only make you employable while skills opens you to a world of opportunities.

BRATISLAVA:
What if he's ungrateful and tells him something stupid afterwards, to the effect that he's not smart and couldn't plan his life, so that he ends up regretting helping him with the sacrifice and curses him?

A lot of people are stupid ingrates without a conscience.

He should do what will not cripple him, if he must.

And what if he appreciates what his brother had done and doing for him and also supports him come the future . Not all people turns out to be ingrate.

Acidosis:
Nobody will respect you because of what you did some 25 years ago. If your life turns out bad because you spent your youthful days trying to lift others, be rest assured that the people you "lifted" will someday become tired of your excesses. More often than not, they'll ignore you and your calls.

People (siblings inclusive) will only respect what you make of your life and career, not the school fees you paid 35 years ago.

Just make sure you don't become poor or a liability in the process, else...!

Exactly and they will even ask you "what have you done for them?" After placing the family on head like gala.
That statement is not even new to me anymore.
I still heard it 3 days ago even from my own dad, so it doesn't bother me anymore

Vello:
I sacrificed my youth for family. Sponsored one outside the country and another through school (not fully though) gave all my salaries to elder sister for months so she could further her education. I sacrificed all my savings for entire family so we could be the envy of other families. I later secured admission to Unilorin years later, same sister called me bastard when I begged for N5000 loan so I could sustain myself till after exams.

I wish I hadn't remembered we were family

I wish I were as wise as I am now.

Those same siblings today are my strangers far as I'm concerned. They don't even know whether I live or dead. They don't care.

Sacrificing for family is good but, never at the expense of your life goals, dreams and ambition. They would only respect you for what you make of yourself and never for what you do for them.

Far as this topic goes, the choice is yours

Hmmmmm, I can relate.
I was on your part too but thank God, I had enough time to correct my mistakes.
One thing I noticed is that, no matter what you do for family, the last statement will still be "what has he even done sef?"
Like the typical African first born, I carried my family on the head when I started working like gala.
Roofed my parent house, gave my mum a pathfinder jeep, if any even dey for family like burial, na me go shoulder the lion share - my mama died, na me, my paternal grandfather died 2 years ago, na still me, my junior bro fell sick and I coughed out 1m for his bill in babcork hospital 3 months ago and soooo many other ones yet what did I get back?
Oooohhhh, what has he done?
Sent my immediate bro to Dubai on work visa at least to start his own life and draw out a map on how he will upgrade from there all just to tell me what have I done? People dey end their family to better country like US and Canada NA surfer head country like UAE I see send am go to go dey slave - this is someone earning 150k equivalent 3 years ago with accomodation aside tips sef.
Now he is in Nigeria doing 40k job in a factory in Ogun state roasting. Calling every family members to please beg me to send him back to the same UAE he claims is slavery.
Humans.........very very ungrateful.
Agreed, UAE no be US but after putting in 5 years, a reasonable person would have saved something reasonable and then ask for family support to a better country.
Now, nothing. Shishi him no bring back after 5 years, clubbing and taking hard drugs and to even put salt on the injury, the typical African has a sure standard excuse for his/her calamities.... Spiritual Problem.
A man fails to keep his job because he is not dedicated......it is a Spiritual attack
A man fails in business for may factors or reason...... It is a Spiritual attack
A man falls on okada while going home....it is a Spiritual attack
A man dies of headache despite not going to hospital for diagnosis due to poverty..... It is a Spiritual attack
A man was denied visa despite not meeting the visa requirement.... It is a Spiritual attack. Why were you denied when some got the visa that particular day. Which head de get wey you no get.
A man is struggling to secure a job in a country with little factories and companies....it is a Spiritual attack. How come some are getting jobs in this same Nigeria wey you ey complain say work no dey. Etc

Abeggiiiii

emmaodet:
Exactly and they will even ask you "what have you done for them?" After placing the family on head like gala.
That statement is not even new to me anymore.
I still heard it 3 days ago even from my own dad, so it doesn't bother me anymore

Hmmn. I can imagine.

You have nothing to gain from being selfish.

PoliteActivist:
*Politeness*
We all know what you'll do: you'll take care of your brother - because firstborns are generally incapable of putting themselves first. Then other needs will arise from him or other siblings and the cycle goes on. You are not going back to any school

Yemike:
My life have been stagnant for like 4-5 years now. I work in a factory and I also sow clothes.
I've not been able to spend money on myself or to pursue my dream as a result of family responsibilities.
I'm a drop out of FUOYE and I'll so much love to go back to school but the plan has been failing for 2 years now.

I've obtained a part time form from Adekunle Ajasin University Ibadan campus last month hoping to start the new session next year but my problem now is that I have a brother that just finished HND 1, his rent has expired and he'll pay his school fees this January.
I paid his rent and school fees for HND 1 and he has notified me for HND 2.
My fear now is that time us running out for me (I'm 27yrs now) as I sincerely wanted to go back to school but I can't sponsor myself and two siblings.

Should I wait for another year or everybody should carry his cross?

Finish what you started. "Once the hand is laid on plough, no one who looks back is worthy of the kingdom of God-Lk.9:62"

pansophist:
And you know what? If you don't stop now, twenty years later, it will mostly continue like this. Dependants usually do not voluntarily leave a fruitful host. You'll have to put a stop before they seat up, otherwise, you just choose to suffer permanently.

So true

BRATISLAVA:
You want a first world woman, but are you a first world husband ready to do what first world men do? Or you are in the 3rd world and hungering after the financial status of 3rd world women fantasizing how you will eat their money up?

Men frequently die before women because they are older than them. How many men marry women 10-30 years older than them? It's simple natural arithmetic. Something the logical ones never seem to get.

Bro thinks I am in hell hole Nigeria suffering with him

And wym first world men do? They do something with their two hands to make money in a world that is not kind to Men.

Same as first world women who contribute $$$… Ain’t nobody doin all that obligation and all that goofy nonsense you people in Nigeria do and churn out poverty every year.

You both pay bills to raise a child you both brought into this world. Thats it.

Bro said your wife is your obligation lmao.

Greazyman99:
You have to focus on yourself. Help in the little way you can but don’t jeopardize your own life for anyone even your sibling. I’m taking from experience. The bastard I was helping through school couldn’t even come out in school was busy spending the weekend I’m elegushi while I was wasting my life doing menial jobs. He did all is best to convince me not to enroll for partime so I could continue funding him. Use ur head

That is the most painful thing.
Trying to raise someone that is not ready to raise himself.

tete7000:
Finish what you started. "Once the hand is laid on plough, no one who looks back is worthy of the kingdom of God-Lk.9:62"

Thank you sir. I pray God shower me with blessings to see it through and not waver. Thanks.

Yemike:
Thank you sir. I pray God shower me with blessings to see it through and not waver. Thanks.

God sees your intention, he knows it is noble, he will see it through. He wills it, see yourself only as instrument he is using. He who have started this good thing in you will bring it to a fruitful completion, and while you do it, he will also fulfill your own innermost ambition. Just keep praying and never stop believing...Have faith.

robinso01:
And what if he appreciates what his brother had done and doing for him and also supports him come the future . Not all people turns out to be ingrate.

Even when Jesus performed a miracle and healed the lepers, only one of the ten remembered to thank him. The rest did not.

90% of people are ingrates. And especially blood relatives.

juniorjoe:
Do what suits you..
Chat this contact +234 805 750 3615 Mention your name and save the contact Tell the user that TOKU Referred you. Using TOKU as your referral
Follow his status and win prizes everyday non stop... No entry fees No charges Its a free give away

Thanks. I've done that. Thank you Sir.

Karleb:
What about your parents? I mean the boy's parents?

My dad was really trying pre 2019. But since 2019 he's been suffering from something called "Ewon" in Yoruba (It means chain in English) It start from mid back to the abdomen and gradually moves to the mid back again. Once it connects at the back such individual is as good as dead.

Wish I could explain it better. Thanks.

tete7000:
God sees your intention, he knows it is noble, he will see it through. He wills it, see yourself only as instrument he is using. He who have started this good thing in you will bring it to a fruitful completion, and while you do it, he will also fulfill your own innermost ambition. Just keep praying and never stop believing...Have faith.

Thanks for the encouragement.

oyeb15:
Help your brother. Even if he doesn't reward you, grace will be on you and your children for ever.

That grace can bring an unimaginable helper that will change your life forever.

We that go university, get 2:1 ,we no see am use do good job ever since.

Moreover, when time is right for you to go school, go to Polytechnic not university. I would have been a Manager in GTB today if I had attended poly.

Polytechnic is something I would only advise if a person intends to be self-employed. If you decide to work under people, the discrimination will be crazy. You can't even get a job in major banks, except as a contract staff.

I know someone with an HND and MSc whose top-level boss has only a BSc. Career development becomes stunted just because of that choice. That's why some people still do PGD, yet some companies still discriminate

BRATISLAVA:
Even when Jesus performed a miracle and healed the lepers, only one of the ten remembered to thank him. The rest did not.

90% of people are ingrates. And especially blood relatives.

At least a man came back to appreciate,his brother might appreciates as well.

Yemike:
My life have been stagnant for like 4-5 years now. I work in a factory and I also sow clothes.
I've not been able to spend money on myself or to pursue my dream as a result of family responsibilities.
I'm a drop out of FUOYE and I'll so much love to go back to school but the plan has been failing for 2 years now.

I've obtained a part time form from Adekunle Ajasin University Ibadan campus last month hoping to start the new session next year but my problem now is that I have a brother that just finished HND 1, his rent has expired and he'll pay his school fees this January.
I paid his rent and school fees for HND 1 and he has notified me for HND 2.
My fear now is that time us running out for me (I'm 27yrs now) as I sincerely wanted to go back to school but I can't sponsor myself and two siblings.

Should I wait for another year or everybody should carry his cross?

your brother should use his OND to work and sponsor himself for HND while you pursue your own education while you are still young.

emmaodet:
Hmmmmm, I can relate.
I was on your part too but thank God, I had enough time to correct my mistakes.
One thing I noticed is that, no matter what you do for family, the last statement will still be "what has he even done sef?"
Like the typical African first born, I carried my family on the head when I started working like gala.
Roofed my parent house, gave my mum a pathfinder jeep, if any even dey for family like burial, na me go shoulder the lion share - my mama died, na me, my paternal grandfather died 2 years ago, na still me, my junior bro fell sick and I coughed out 1m for his bill in babcork hospital 3 months ago and soooo many other ones yet what did I get back?
Oooohhhh, what has he done?
Sent my immediate bro to Dubai on work visa at least to start his own life and draw out a map on how he will upgrade from there all just to tell me what have I done? People dey end their family to better country like US and Canada NA surfer head country like UAE I see send am go to go dey slave - this is someone earning 150k equivalent 3 years ago with accomodation aside tips sef.
Now he is in Nigeria doing 40k job in a factory in Ogun state roasting. Calling every family members to please beg me to send him back to the same UAE he claims is slavery.
Humans.........very very ungrateful.
Agreed, UAE no be US but after putting in 5 years, a reasonable person would have saved something reasonable and then ask for family support to a better country.
Now, nothing. Shishi him no bring back after 5 years, clubbing and taking hard drugs and to even put salt on the injury, the typical African has a sure standard excuse for his/her calamities.... Spiritual Problem.
A man fails to keep his job because he is not dedicated......it is a Spiritual attack
A man fails in business for may factors or reason...... It is a Spiritual attack
A man falls on okada while going home....it is a Spiritual attack
A man dies of headache despite not going to hospital for diagnosis due to poverty..... It is a Spiritual attack
A man was denied visa despite not meeting the visa requirement.... It is a Spiritual attack. Why were you denied when some got the visa that particular day. Which head de get wey you no get.
A man is struggling to secure a job in a country with little factories and companies....it is a Spiritual attack. How come some are getting jobs in this same Nigeria wey you ey complain say work no dey. Etc

Abeggiiiii

Yes, I relate.
Our last born looked me in the face and blurted out "what have you done that some people have not done tripple?"
Suffice to say we lost our loving dad when I was just 10. Imagine having to rise up to family responsibilities since JSS 2.
Mum showed me the ugly side of motherhood.
Now, the most callous, uncaring and self centred of us is the most respected.

Bottom line:
You are first
Your responsibility to family comes well after you have settled yourself.

Family only respects you after you're made. If you build them better than yourself, they'd grow the mentality that if you didn't do it, God would've sent another.
Build yourself to be above them. Whatever you do thereafter would only matter to them in the light of your success.

Family appreciates your little giving from your abundance than your huge help from your self denial and sacrifice

Greazyman99:
You have to focus on yourself. Help in the little way you can but don’t jeopardize your own life for anyone even your sibling. I’m taking from experience. The bastard I was helping through school couldn’t even come out in school was busy spending the weekend I’m elegushi while I was wasting my life doing menial jobs. He did all is best to convince me not to enroll for partime so I could continue funding him. Use ur head

This is a terrible thing to have lived through.
I hope you are fully recovered from the nasty experience.

Yemike:
My dad was really trying pre 2019. But since 2019 he's been suffering from something called "Ewon" in Yoruba (It means chain in English) It start from mid back to the abdomen and gradually moves to the mid back again. Once it connects at the back such individual is as good as dead.

Wish I could explain it better. Thanks.

What about your mum or any other family members that could be of financial help?

Karleb:
What about your mum or any other family members that could be of financial help?

Maami dey face her Hubby's wahala. Family member ke? My P-man is even considered the breadwinner before his predicament.

emmaodet:
Hmmmmm, I can relate.
I was on your part too but thank God, I had enough time to correct my mistakes.
One thing I noticed is that, no matter what you do for family, the last statement will still be "what has he even done sef?"
Like the typical African first born, I carried my family on the head when I started working like gala.
Roofed my parent house, gave my mum a pathfinder jeep, if any even dey for family like burial, na me go shoulder the lion share - my mama died, na me, my paternal grandfather died 2 years ago, na still me, my junior bro fell sick and I coughed out 1m for his bill in babcork hospital 3 months ago and soooo many other ones yet what did I get back?
Oooohhhh, what has he done?
Sent my immediate bro to Dubai on work visa at least to start his own life and draw out a map on how he will upgrade from there all just to tell me what have I done? People dey end their family to better country like US and Canada NA surfer head country like UAE I see send am go to go dey slave - this is someone earning 150k equivalent 3 years ago with accomodation aside tips sef.
Now he is in Nigeria doing 40k job in a factory in Ogun state roasting. Calling every family members to please beg me to send him back to the same UAE he claims is slavery.
Humans.........very very ungrateful.
Agreed, UAE no be US but after putting in 5 years, a reasonable person would have saved something reasonable and then ask for family support to a better country.
Now, nothing. Shishi him no bring back after 5 years, clubbing and taking hard drugs and to even put salt on the injury, the typical African has a sure standard excuse for his/her calamities.... Spiritual Problem.
A man fails to keep his job because he is not dedicated......it is a Spiritual attack
A man fails in business for may factors or reason...... It is a Spiritual attack
A man falls on okada while going home....it is a Spiritual attack
A man dies of headache despite not going to hospital for diagnosis due to poverty..... It is a Spiritual attack
A man was denied visa despite not meeting the visa requirement.... It is a Spiritual attack. Why were you denied when some got the visa that particular day. Which head de get wey you no get.
A man is struggling to secure a job in a country with little factories and companies....it is a Spiritual attack. How come some are getting jobs in this same Nigeria wey you ey complain say work no dey. Etc

Abeggiiiii

Many thanks for sharing your experience. One should not cut his nose off because he wants to see his mouth.

seguno2:
Many thanks for sharing your experience. One should not cut his nose off because he wants to see his mouth.

Exactly bro
Exactly

robinso01:
At least a man came back to appreciate,his brother might appreciates as well.

Maybe you would. Most people don't have that courtesy.

They would even spit on him that he lacks the sense and ability to better his life, even though it was at their own expense. Most people are stupid ingrates.

Yemike:
Maami dey face her Hubby's wahala. Family member ke? My P-man is even considered the breadwinner before his predicament.

Mehn! God will provide help bro.

I'm in same position as you my brother what I did was source for more income stream don't leave your brother stranded bro if your brother can be grateful the only way he can pay you back is by becoming successful and also assisting you too when he finally gets a job and talking about assist he should be more interested in your kids success too

BRATISLAVA:
Maybe you would. Most people don't have that courtesy.

They would even spit on him that he lacks the sense and ability to better his life, even though it was at their own expense. Most people are stupid ingrates.

You're right though,but almost everyone is not everyone . Everyone can't be ingrate

emmaodet:
Exactly and they will even ask you "what have you done for them?" After placing the family on head like gala.
That statement is not even new to me anymore.
I still heard it 3 days ago even from my own dad, so it doesn't bother me anymore

some will say, if you didn't do it someone else will do it. some will say if you're not alive they will live and survive

chai!!!

Blendy77:
Teach your siblings to hussle so u too can rest. After sponsoring ur bro thru OND you ought to hav told him to work and continue his education while u face ur own life. Same person will marry tomorrow and forget how u had to pause ur life for him. Love your neighbor like yourself not more than yoursef

correct