CoronaVirusPro:


Exactly! Can’t you see Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Dangote, Alakija and Otedola have donated their wealth to eradicate poverty in the world.

Gibberish! So I should be working for charity. What is the white man done? Collect taxes and used it for the benefit of their citizens. So how has a Whitman used his after tax wages to benefit the world?

Whiteman my foot! Always looking for the nearest excuse to condemn his race. Wannabe!

I don hear you oga. Go and take care of your children. That is your calling here on earth.
.
I'm very sure you will jump to the sky if the American embassy just issue you a free visa and ticket to even the worst place in the US. You like the whiteman's country but you hate their way of life. Dey deceive yourself for there.

Klass99:
When I first felt the desire to be child free and not have children I was in my 20s. Several people told me the feeling would change or I would change my mind as time goes by.

As the years went by my desire didn't wane neither did my mind change. The desire only grew stronger and my mind more convinced that motherhood is not for me.

I have no regrets so far and I don't see myself regretting the choice. Home ownership and companionship with a good man, matter to me more than biological children do.

Home ownership and companionship with a good man, matter to me more than biological children do.
Don't just subject an innocent man to your selfish desires.

OgwuEgo:
I like your way, you are brutally honest.

My chief life no suppose hard o.. paste me your digits na??

Ten06:
The few people I have seen who got old without children around my neighborhood are not something one will wish to live through.
Their live is just too boring with no one to keep them busy.
Even the ones with maid are not happy

I personally know of someone in his 50s too without a wife and kids

Looking at him, loneliness is always written all over him and he sometimes talks to himself like someone that is having mental issues.. Most of the time, he's always outside sitting with people till late hour and goes home when everyone disappears

This is not the kind of life any sane person would wish for

Sent to your email

Lordofalmajiri:

My chief life no suppose hard o.. paste me your digits na??

tosyne2much:
I personally know of someone in his 50s too without a wife and kids

Looking at him, loneliness is always written all over him and he sometimes talks to himself like someone that is having mental issues.. Most of the time, he's always outside sitting with people till late hour and goes home when everyone disappears

This is not the kind of life any sane person would wish for

having wife and kids wouldn’t have make any difference. There are people like that married or not.

It has nothing to do with loneliness. There are more married men with kids that are more haggard and keep late night than him.

It's your choice, not every experience is worth learning from, some people learn by experience, some learn from other people's experiences, you choose how you want to learn😉

tosyne2much:
I personally know of someone in his 50s too without a wife and kids

Looking at him, loneliness is always written all over him and he sometimes talks to himself like someone that is having mental issues.. Most of the time, he's always outside sitting with people till late hour and goes home when everyone disappears

This is not the kind of life any sane person would wish for

And you don’t know anyone that is married with kids that acts like they are mentally unstable and stay out late?

Common guys! Having or not having kids did not cause nor would it prevent this from happening.

DeepSight:


As sad and pitiful as this story is, the fact still remains that it is a selfish reason to have children. And so many of us have this thinking on this subject: "Who will take care of you in your old age."

While it's an understandable thought, it remains a shallow and self centred reason for something as profound as bringing another soul into the world.

I am yet to hear anyone say something such as - "I want to have a child in order to impart what learning, talent and vision I can to the future of humanity." Rather it's always all about how lonely I will be, who will take care of me, how jealous of my friends I will be.... Me, me, me, me.

Shallow.

On this matter, selfish is good..

Don't say shallow.

As for the bolded, ah. Don't make me laugh please..

Anyhoo, there must be continuation...

CoronaVirusPro:
The future will educate you better. I don’t think anyone can educate you about that.

If you really want to have a glimpse of what it looks like, check all those class of people that said same in their youthful ages, reality humbled them in their old age and started having kids at the dying hour.

Reality will “Personally” dawn on you. How you accept it, will determine your mental state and response.

Just be patient. 20 years from now will tell a lot.

Not everyone will have kids
While some lost their kids n are lonely

correctguy101:


On this matter, selfish is good..

Don't say shallow.

As for the bolded, ah. Don't make me laugh please..

Anyhoo, there must be continuation...

But seriously. So selfish that someone on this thread wondered about who she will send on errands if she doesn't have children.

And almost to a man, those in the "you must have a child" camp have focused on the frailties of old age and who would help them at such a time.

There is something almost mercenary and exploitative about such an approach to child bearing.

DeepSight:


As sad and pitiful as this story is, the fact still remains that it is a selfish reason to have children. And so many of us have this thinking on this subject: "Who will take care of you in your old age."

While it's an understandable thought, it remains a shallow and self centred reason for something as profound as bringing another soul into the world.

I am yet to hear anyone say something such as - "I want to have a child in order to impart what learning, talent and vision I can to the future of humanity." Rather it's always all about how lonely I will be, who will take care of me, how jealous of my friends I will be.... Me, me, me, me.

Shallow.

It's not shallow, it takes a trained child to remember you at old age. Besides you were there for kid in his first 20-30 yrs. It's not too much to ask from him to be there for you in your last 10yrs

femi4:
It's not shallow, it takes a trained child to remember you at old age. Besides you were there for kid in his first 20-30 yrs. It's not too much to ask from him to be there for you in your last 10yrs

You are still missing the point. It's not that there is anything wrong with your kid being there for you in old age. In fact that's a beautiful and honorable thing.

The point is when the purpose for which you had kids was to make sure you have someone to take care of you in your old age. When that was your objective and your mind set in having kids. That is what is shallow.

DeepSight:


You are still missing the point. It's not that there is anything wrong with your kid being there for you in old age. In fact that's a beautiful and honorable thing.

The point is when the purpose for which you had kids was to make sure you have someone to take care of you in your old age. When that was your objective and your mind set in having kids. That is what is shallow.

Nobody said that's the objective. They are only pointing out the benefit at old age, and not necessarily a biological child

femi4:
Nobody said that's the objective. They are only pointing out the benefit at old age, and not necessarily a biological child

Oho, pointing out benefits like having who to send on errands right?

Don't be silly.

DeepSight:


Oho, pointing out benefits like having who to send on errands right?

Don't be silly.

Your IQ is low.
You ve not heard of the words "Trust n Companion" before
You can always get maid if its just for an errands sake. The man in this context was even losing money to the fake people that came around and taking advantage of his situation.

DeepSight:


But seriously. So selfish that someone on this thread wondered about who she will send on errands if she doesn't have children.

And almost to a man, those in the "you must have a child" camp have focused on the frailties of old age and who would help them at such a time.

There is something almost mercenary and exploitative about such an approach to child bearing.

True.

That's why "most" people try as much as they could to nurture, educate the children they have as much as they could and as they see fit. So what's wrong in hoping, wishing and even requesting to not be forgotten at an advanced age? It's a justified selfishness abeg

As for this daddy o, Instead of getting all wrinkling and shaky, I'd rather kick jerrycan now and spare my children the wahala of caring for a weak old man.

As for errands, I'm already used to being alone and doing things myself (I have that constant feeling that if I sent someone, they wouldn't do it the way I like and I'm so set in doing things a certain way, lazy way sha. . )

Jewessgratitud3:
Whatever rocks your boat. You don't have to conform to society Norms and beliefs. Do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't encroach on anyone's space.

you need that dick. let me get you pregnant. you are too lonely

willyblinx:


I wish I can like your comment 10 more times. The general society places too much emphasis on happiness being dependent on having kids. Thereby putting too much pressure on those not married nor having kids.

Having a good mate and enjoying your relationship is awesome enough. I have never been a fan of doing things the way the society expects just because “they expect it to be so”.

will you have kids

Klass99:


You dey mind them. It is even the herd mentality for me and how they expect you to act like a zombie. Do as I do or do as your parents did and have children too, without questioning or reasoning things out for yourself.

Thank God for free will and the power of choice sha, I got to this point through careful thinking and self awareness. I know for a fact that children will not make me happy, the mere thought of having them, exhausts me more than it excites me.

you are talking because reality hasn't dawned on you. When people start speaking ill of you for not having kids. You will understand. This is Africa not America

Bullfallo:
having wife and kids wouldn’t have make any difference. There are people like that married or not.

It has nothing to do with loneliness. There are more married men with kids that are more haggard and keep late night than him.

But the percentage is very few since if he had a good family relationship would have been better....

And either u like it or not 🚫
People without children or wife might say it outside as sometime that doesn't count but deep down in their heart they are dieting silently ☹️

Kingrshd3:


But the percentage is very few since if he had a good family relationship would have been better....

And either u like it or not 🚫
People without children or wife might say it outside as sometime that doesn't count but deep down in their heart they are dieting silently ☹️

there are more elderly men that are miserable with wife and kids than men without any of them

Bullfallo:
there are more elderly men that are miserable with wife and kids than men without any of them

..


where do u see such statistics.

Well it's ok life is not just balance at all 😭

Klass99:
When I first felt the desire to be child free and not have children I was in my 20s. Several people told me the feeling would change or I would change my mind as time goes by.

As the years went by my desire didn't wane neither did my mind change. The desire only grew stronger and my mind more convinced that motherhood is not for me.

I have no regrets so far and I don't see myself regretting the choice. Home ownership and companionship with a good man, matter to me more than biological children do.

@Klass99, that's deep... you're truly a strong-headed babe, firing on all cylinders. lol. I assume you're now in your 30s.

From here on out, you'll have to be clearly intentional about being more visible or rolling with men who also don't wanna have children, (i.e., divorcees, widowers, OR older men who are done having children if you truly want to have that home ownership and companionship or marriage with a "good" man).

In any event, what triggered your subconscious aversion to having your own biological kids? I'm curious to know. Hit me up when you get back online. Take care.

Klass99:


Because I like you I will respond to this.

You had me smiling @ strong headed, I prefer strong willed and independent minded to strong headed. It takes a strong willed person with a mind of their own to go against the tide and chart their own course in this life. I pretty much live a life I want to live, not how others want me to live.

Secondly, it's not an aversion just a chronic lack of desire! A desire I haven't been able to deliberately work up for myself, a desire that hasn't come naturally or effortlessly to me. I simply don't have a desire to be a mother. I don't know about you but everything starts with a desire for me, I listen to my soul and spirit, if I am not feeling a want (i.e desire) or a need for something, from within and on the inside of me, I don't bother. Which is how I feel about this japa syndrome too, whether ten thousand japa on my left and right, I will not move until I start to sense/feel a stirring in my heart and soul to do so. I don't follow crowds or jump on bandwagons.

I genuinely like children especially at the ages of 0-4, I think they are an awesome wonder, they are sweet and cuddly at that age. I enjoy being with them and around them. They can be energetic and a handful but their cuteness makes up for the wahala. That lack of desire also means I am not looking for children or looking to them to take care of me in old age, to give my life meaning, make me proud or joyful. My life is just fine and meanignful without them, I honestly can't relate when people say stuff that like that.

I have been intentional about rolling with men who share the same sentiments, men who already have kids (one or two) and will not bother me for more children, men like widowers and divorcees, I haven't struck gold yet. However, lately I have been thinking it's best to find a man who shares the sentiments and is unecumbered like me. Divorced men have issues I swear , it's like they can't get over the trauma of being left by their wives in cases where it was the wives who left, their drama and paranoia can be legendary. A widower with two kids, I was hooked up with, who shares my sentiments is miles away in the obodo, it has been hard maintianing contact and communication. I don't like long distance relationships either it doesn't work for me because it doesn't speak to my love languages.

Are you aware of a radio programme called Relatonship 360 on Nigerian Info FM Lagos? Anchored by Barrister Olumide? Well let me shock you, last year I called into the programme during a Q & A session to ask a question and I mentioned I wasn't interested in kids but marriage for the companionship etc. Barrister Olumide (like you) quizzed me on why I didn't want kids, he wanted to know if I had some chilhood trauma that was causing this, etcetera. I answered his different questions for me and told him it was just a lack of desire on my part.

Of course other listeners who heard me at the time, called in to express similar views like the ones on this thread. He had to caution them to leave me alone and ask their own personal questions on relationships, it was after all a Q & A session, not a diagnosis of my life and choice. Barrister Olumide always leaves his direct line/number at the end of the show for folks to contact him, if they have a story to tell or share with the world, etc. The next saturday he made a public annoucement on air for me to contact him because his whatsapp inbox had been inundated with text messages of men saying they also don't want to have children and would like to be connected with me. He asked that I please contact him if I am listening, he made that announcement twice on two consecutive Saturdays.

That was an interesting experience for me because for years ITK people told me to go overseas and I will find men like that, but right here in Naija there were men sharing similar sentiments. It could have been a mix of single, widowed or divorced men who contacted him but I'll never know because I never responded to his request for different reasons;

1. Fear been catch me . I was like is this for real? Are these men actually serious or just looking for free pussy to be straffing? I would prefer for a man to be the first one to reveal that sentiment about kids,in the course of our interactions, where he is being honest and seeking to know if I can deal or if I am on the same page. It would feel more authentic and comforting for me.

2. I was trying to resolve some life challenges at the time, I didn't feel ready or prepared to start dating, getting to know someone before I commit. A mutual desire to not have children is not enough reason for me to date or marry just anyone, we'll have to connect on other levels beyond a shared sentiment.

It has been at the back of my mind to contact Barrister Olumide at some point to reignite that conversation and see where it all leads to, if or when I feel ready. Hopefully, there will be a suitbale widower or single and never married before man in that pool men who indicate interest as well. PS: Barrister Olumide couldn't have contacted me because lots of different callers call into the show, I doubt if they have a database where they can track callers via their phone numbers, which was why he made the announcement on air for me to get in touch with him.

How's it going Klass99?

Okay, I hear you loud 'n clear... "YOU are STRONG-WILLED... and strong-headed too." *Smirk*

Your feedback here is lit babe, you spoke straight from the gut and I like you for that.

I for one don't like to judge folks and their choices because there are variables in life that shape us and we learn from our experiences (good and bad). That's the nature of our planet... The cause-and-effect principle.

Indeed, as a man, after reading your engaging post twice, I came off with the firm conclusion that you are prepared for what is to come in your life based on the steps you've already taken. You should have seen my eyes popping out right here. lol.

Coincidentally, I know about Olumide Omosebi and his radio program is quite popular among Nigerians in the Diaspora, so, he gets calls from many countries. From experience and reading books in my personal home library, I pretty much have a vast knowledge of advanced relationship issues and solutions going back to many years, but the very day I first listened to Olumide give information on Family Law and more, I instantly fell in love with his program. I used to listen in via the online app especially during the COVID lockdowns, but stopped for a while. I've partly listened to his program online for 3 times this year, and would listen to more of the previous episodes later. His radio program is an A-list program tbh.

So, I'll encourage you to give it a shot... Reach out to Omosebi by email (or better yet by phone or his physical office in Lagos) since you do not want an LDR type of relationship, which doesn't fit into your "love language" (which is key and is the missing link in relationships). Most male folks ignore or are just not aware of the different aspects of "love languages" and that leads to a nasty separation or divorce.

Conversely, I'd also recommend that you be discreet and wise about screening the deluge of these male folks who are gonna come forward because just like you've also said, some may just want to sexually hit and run or just EAT your money and later conjure a brutal reason to ditch a woman. Some of these guys know how to brutally string females along meanwhile, they have a wife in the village or younger girls they want to tie the knots with.

What else have I left unsaid?

Yeah! Check [@gnosis_help] on both IG and X for the physical office and phone contacts of Olumide.

Feel free to not be shy... Just keep in touch with me. I might also have a connect for you down the road depending on your core preferences.


Take care "strong-willed."

Klass99:


Because I like you I will respond to this.
You've seen my response so now I've pulled it down.

That's brilliant... Take care.

Klass99:


You are not serious at all. You quoted it before I had a chance to delete.

Analytical dissector of the strong headed, well done ehn!

"Lookachu..."

"Analytical dissector"... That cracked me up.
If someone isn't fast enough the thing you typed would just "evaporated" into thin air. Then you start giving excuses of decluttering. Once beaten, twice shy.

In any event it was a good feedback you gave. I appreciate your points of view more and more.

By the way, before you rush off to go to bed, I wanted to ask if you love pets? Do you keep any like dogs or cats? I used to love them puppies though but once they grow to adulthood, they start getting entitled.

Last but not least, tell me what month did you call in to Olumide's radio program in 2023?

Klass99:


Toh......wetin I for call you na? I seem to be a specimen of some kind people want to put under a microscope, to analyse and dissect, the title suits you perfectly.

I love dogs! Absolutely love dogs like kilode? They were a part of my childhood and a lovely addition to our household. I love them from puppy-hood to adulthood, they are one of my favourite creations. Cats, not so much, but I will never be cruel towards them or other animals, except for snakes, cockroaches and dangerous reptiles.

You want to go to Olumide's IG page and search for that particular episode of the programme to listen to, abi? Q & A sessions hold last Saturdays of each month, if I recall correctly it was the last Saturday of June 2023. I called in anonymously as Vivian which of course is not my real name.

Feel free to knock yourself out and listen to the next two segments of the show where he made the announcements. It was done at the end of his show.

I just remembered I don't like that short dog with a short tail or is it no tail at all? That one they call British bull dog, I don't like those ones that look thin and scrawny, with no fur, but I won't lead with animal cruelty where they are concerned.

Specimen for disection? Well people like are uniquely unconventional in your approach to things. Doesn't make you any less human.

That's a bull dog 🐕 you mean. A very vicious dog breed. There are other more dangerous dogs in the world such as the pitbull.

That breed of dogs called pitbull is very vicious and they have been known to maul and kill people including children. That's what really put me off dogs tbh. There's an elderly White woman who was living alone and who used to keep a lot of dogs in her house. One day she came back from a trip with her luggage and that's how these her own dogs attacked her. She lost her life in the process. Few days later curious neighbors noticed she had not been out for her usual walk around the neighborhood and her suitcase was still outside the main house. Security men were called in and they found her mutilated body (I don't want to be more graphic than this). As puppies, maybe, but as adult dogs, I'll pass because these dogs can be potential killers of adults and babies which they've done time and time again. Especially that dangerous pitbull breed.

Haha... You reckon I wanted to do that? Well I actually asked because I wanted to know the timeframe from the time you spoke to Olumide last year and now.


We'll chat some more later.

Sleep well, so as to get ready for work tomorrow morning. (WAT)