₦airaland Forum

ubunja:
yes, men can turn down sex due to self-control and morality issues. That's commendable. The "but" here is that no man must think doing so has a bearing on how women view him. As concerning value and worth.
Because at the end how it plays out is That pucc you're passing on to appear special/different from other men, the lady is just going to take it to another guy! Usually some guy who's always available for quick cheap no-stress sex. Some guys just make it so hard and complicated to give them sex girls simply stop offering.

I'm sure we've all heard of a situation where some morally upright gentleman of a guy had a lady always visiting him acting funny for him but the guy was always "controlling" himself until the lady gave up, stopped visiting and somehow ended up getting pregnant for some clown.
What the gentleman did is really not playing hard to get in the dating sense, he just missed opportunities.

Okay let's switch genders for better clarity.

How does a woman play hard to get?

We go back to the foundation of male/female dynamics: Men love sex, Women love money. Men want sex, Women want money.

A woman then plays hard to get by being stingy with SEX. Cause sex is what men want.
While a man plays hard to get by being stingy with LOVE aka commitment, cause that's what women want.

A man doesn't play hard to get by refusing sex just as a woman doesn't play hard to get by refusing love/commitment/money. A man takes the sex but refuses to give the woman that one thing she wants (love/commitment/money) -that's him playing hard to get. Because until a man is in love or committed the woman hasn't actually got him.

Same way,,, a woman takes the love, commitment and money that's offered to her but denies men that one thing they all want: sex. Cause until a woman has given a man sex, the man hasn't actually got anything worthwhile from the woman. He hasn't yet "got" the woman.
The moment of truth for women is when a man finally commits. And the moment of truth for men is when a woman finally gives sex.

If you're a woman it doesn't matter if Davido or Chris Brown wants to sleep with you. What matters is Do they want to commit?Do they want to marry you? That's the question cause that's what really determines your worth IN THEIR EYES. Being good enough for sex is inferior. Being good enough to committment is superior. Its when a man commits that you have got got him.

That's why when a woman cheats a man's first question is "Did you sleep with him?" Cause for men there's nothing serious until sex happens.
And when a man cheats women's first question is "Do you love her?" Cause women understands that men will fucc anything, its when a man commits that things become serious.

Men and women are looking at sex and love from opposing sides, so what they value, what they see as valuable, is also opposed.

When a girl tells her friends "Moses loves me!" What do the friends ask? They ask, "What has he done for you?!"
Meanwhile, if a guy tells his friends, "Dorothy loves me!" They're going to ask "Did she let you smash?"

Which is to say, A woman can't say "Moses loves me cause he had sex with me". Not really, cause sex is not something men control. Just as a man can't say,"Dorothy loves me cause she bought me this and that". Cause a womans commitment is worthless. As long as he hasn't smashed Dorothy, his friends can't really be convinced Dorothy loves him. Cause the only thing of value Dorothy has is the pucc. Until she puts that on the table, she's holding back.

All this is to illustrate both men and women understand the "moment of Truth" concerning each gender. A woman can't use commitment to show a guy she loves him, just as much as a man can't use sex to show a woman he loves her. Women express love by sex, men express love by commitment. Hence that woman who's hard to fucc is the woman everyone fights for cause she has value.Just like that man who's hard to commit is the man everyone fights for cause he has value.
Which brings us full circle back to the virgin and the Bad boy as the most valuable in the dating field.

Mentholated:
https://www.nairaland.com/8096159/10-years-marriage-2-kids#130011170

1. They got married 10 years ago.

2. They have 2 kids

3. They relocated to the UK on 13th February 2023. Just him and his wife on a student visa. The kids were left back in Nigeria. The plan was simple, settle in and bring the kids over.

4. They came with a student visa. The wife was the main applicant ( Masters programme).

5. The funds for the masters came from the man's mother. She sold her property to enable her son to study in the UK. The son decided it was better for his wife to study, probably to ensure they settle faster since he will work fulltime and his wife will be busy with studies and the kids when they come over.

6. He got a letter dated 19th March 2024 that he has to leave the UK within 60 days (18 May 2024).

7. This means that the wife has informed the Home Office that she is no longer interested in the marriage.

8. Our guy should be on a plane today or in Nigeria already.

9. I do not know the details of their marriage or the authenticity of this story, I just want to remind everyone here that hypergamy does not care about years of marriage, kids, how elaborate the wedding was or how expensive the vacations were.

10. Once you are deemed useless, actions are initiated immediately to put you where you belong.

Mentholated:
I do not know the details of their marriage or the authenticity of this story

jayAjoku:
if you want to hurt a Nigerian man just fûck his wife , girlfriend or sister I promise you ,
you will drive a lot of them insane , especially their girlfriends. Nigerian men value sex more than the women they say they love. A large number of Nigerian men have low self esteem and no game. A lot of them don’t even know how to identify a woman that’s really into them. A lot of them don’t know how to maintain a relationship without money. It’s sad but I’ll be putting in the work to Fûck their girlfriends and wives on my free time

Philosopher1979:
This because most of us in nigeria were not taught how to attract women by anybody around us. The only thing we are told is have money and dress well in order to attract women. The strategy is too simplistic to really work.
But on your part try and teach men game but the stuff is most nigerian men don't believe in game. It's just money. Maybe our upbringing or culture. I mean maybe our traditional culture believes in match making from childhood in that society chooses your spouse for you based on family connections so you marry a girl because your father knows her father. We are generally not romantic. I mean it's the white man that taught us how to kiss

heartofcity12:
Interesting...

emmaodet:
This is a crazy person.
How can you be sick and broke yet ungrateful and entitled.
People like that should be avoided by a mile

Nazgul:
This post was triggered by a friend of mine who is passing through hell in his 3 year old marriage. His wife made him believe that money isn't everything and he ignorantly got married to her in his indigent state. She stopped respecting him a long time ago. As I'm typing this, she has left him with their 1 year old daughter in Lagos and relocated back to Uyo.

So let's talk about money in courtship, Because you will need plenty of it in marriage.

Those who are of the opinion that all that matters in marriage is love not money are not serious! In fact I'd like to term them as jokers. Why? Because love won't pay your bills and put food on the table.

Women naturally respect financially buyouant men. Or in simpler terms, men who have money.

So don't let any woman manipulate you into marriage when you are not financially ready simply because age is fighting against her, because if you succumb to her pressure and get married to her, you are in for a Shocker

Women can sweet tongue you into doing what you don't want to do and blame you for being stupid to listen to her in the first place.

Before any lady corner you and tie you down in forced matrimony, ask the following questions...

1. How much do you both earn monthly? How much will you require to run your marriage monthly? Take inflation into consideration, and calculate how much you will spend on rent, feeding, utility bills, transportation, medicals among others.

2. Who pays the running bills monthly? The husband, the wife or both of you? At what percentage? 50/50, 60/40, 70/30? Discuss it with your Partner.

3. How long will you both work as salary earners? Any plan to invest in other businesses? What does it take? How much of your fiance will it take? What type of sacrifice will it require?

4. Will you engage in monthly savings? If yes, how much percentage of your salaries would go into savings?

5. Will you be operating a Joint or Separate accounts? Discuss this with your partner.

6. If you are running a business; How much does it generate monthly? Would she join you in running it when you get married? If yes how best can you two grow your monthly income?

7. What are your yearly Financial goals? How do you both plan to achieve them?

8. Do you believe in paying tithe, first fruits, offerings and sowing special seeds? You need to discuss this with your partner, so you can both plan ahead whenever the need for such financial commitment arises.

9. What percentage of your income will be going to your parents or siblings monthly? Discuss this with your partner. It's very important.

10. When CHILDREN start coming, how MUCH will you need to take good care of them monthly? Would you want them to attend public school or private school, are there affordable Private schools in your neighborhood where you can enroll them, what percentage of your earnings or savings would they require monthly to see them through nursery and primary school. Would government secondary school be better for them or private? Would public universities be better or private or abroad? These are things you must iron out with your partner before getting married.

Plan your FINANCES before getting married.

Set up your self for Financial growth not Financial failure in marriage.

Most broken marriages occur due to lack of finances or poor financial planning from one or both couples.

Philosopher1979:
No wonder bad boys treat them badly. They seem to like bad boys and are somewhat narcissistic in attitude.
There is something wrong with this gender.

LogicallySXT:
Big Bro Harddon, I have been following your thread ( Dating Drills )for a very long time silently and I must appreciate you cos you changed my whole mindset and directive in the women world and the world at large. I got to understand the real purpose and meaning of a man.


I just wanted to ask why is your blog no longer active or working? Any solutions?

Skepticus:
As you chase your dreams and build your value in life, women will come and this is when you have to be very careful, so you don't revert back to the blue pill.

Avoid the beta-buxxx/beta provider role for used-up, damaged women like the cum-dumps of other men (women with high body counts who have been established not to pair-bond), single mothers (excluding those who lost their husbands to death), gold diggers, women on the spectrum etc.

Below, is the tale of your typical, nice guy, high achieving, career-focused beta provider and damaged women who are only in for the provision after enjoying being banged over and over by other men.

Pukkalolo:
The truth is,

The bad boy knows how to generate genuine attraction from women. Or we can say, the bad boy knows how to sell his personality and sexuality to women..

Let me explain...

If you remember I once said that the typical young woman have three products she sells: her personality, her accomplishment, her sexuality.

But she's mainly marketing and advertising her sexuality because that's what most men focus on.

A man too have three products he sells: his personality, his sexuality, his accomplishment.

But the Man mostly market and advertise his accomplishment more because he think that'll impress the woman. And it's for that same reason a lot of men get used and exploited by women.

A while back, my former big boss I used to work with invited me to his birthday bash party on the island... In the venue I was chilling with these two guys; these guys were sharing with me their personal experience on how most girls are gold diggers and are only looking to chop a man's money.

I just nodded my head in agreement while listening to them.

Soon, two ladies got in proximity with us, so we started socializing with them.

Now here comes the interesting part...

One of the guy started adjusting his shirt so that the ladies will see the expensive gold necklace he was putting on. He also started intentionally flaunting his new latest iPhone.

The other guy immediately started telling one of the ladies that he just finished from law school and how he's now the youngest lawyer in his home town.

I shaked my head in disappointment.... In my mind, I was like, "you guys got to be kidding me! Wasn't not these same guys that said that most girls are gold diggers and only just wanna chop a guy's money....now these same guys are the ones showcasing their accomplishment to these girls"

The guy's expensive gold necklace and latest iPhone are forms of accomplishment and the other guy's law degree is also an accomplishment.

The lady, after hearing the guy brag is the youngest lawyer in town, she noticed how unconcerned I was, so she turned and asked me what I do (for a living). I told her, "I give women maximum pleasure."

After saying that, I winked at her. She smiled and said, "common, be serious... What are you into"

I said, "If I tell you what I do, you are gonna be surprised.. but I'll leave you to figure that out by yourself."

KingEarnest:
Damn!!! Permission to steal this line...

Loverboi2cute:
Lord Karlifate, dat was quite spot on.... d hard truth concerning dis gender

Anytime i miss Ur Pills, I dey feel guilty with myself 😁😁

Skepticus:
Way to go... I already took my male solipsism to another level. When dealing with a woman, I act like a man but think like a woman as they do when dealing with men by putting their needs first.

A lot of gents in the red pill and those heavily stuck in the blue-pill matrix miss a lot of things about female nature. They can yell "Women are Hypergamous" all day where Hypergamy means women going for what's better but same folks get confused (especially with current complex social events) where a decent number of women are going for what they (by their judgment as men) consider lower than what the women would naturally go for. To summarize it, some women are flipping HYPERGAMY on its head, the way men know it much to their confusion.

That missing link is FEMALE SOLIPSISM which a lot of men in the red pill do not deeply touch and the confusion brings up a lot of discussions that further complicate matters. For the woman, it is all about herself first, when dealing with men from mundane stuff (that men often over-look) like attention, protection to more material stuff like dick, money etc.

It's why I tune off when men try to link parameters that men use in ranking each other (male hierarchy attributes like wealth, social status and competence) and project same in dealing with women. It's a recipe for failure in understanding women. Whether low or high in any of this male hierarchies, women deal with all, as long as it is, to her advantage. Whether the males in whatever ranking of this hierarchies get equal benefits doesn't matter much. Where the males get benefits, the women get greater benefits.

For instance, a very wealthy guy drives a luxury automobile and parks on a street. Both men and women around checks him out. For men generally, they are like "wow, I like this guy's car, I want to earn so much to be able to afford his car and his lifestyle". Women on the other hand think same but take it a notch further: "He appears rich, I want his money, influence etc, to my benefit". This is also the reason why the most feared 60 year old general commanding a legion of men who respects and are intimidated by his presence or a 50 year old mega-rich CEO, would be getting childishly manipulated by a 17 year old girl who has been groomed in the understanding of men. For poorer guys who serve a purpose beneficial to women, it is the same.

I'm all for men (regardless of their rank in male hierarchies) winning in their dealings with women whether they choose to deal with them fully or sparingly. If completely avoiding them also makes a man win, I'm all for it regardless of what society thinks.

Men can do better

Skepticus:
In the neighborhood where I grew up, I know boys who (up to this moment) spend their entire 24 hours smoking weed, doing hard drugs. Dirty and dusty. These guys range from 17 - 33 years in age. Knowing a few of them personally, these guys are making every effort in this world not to self improve (they are not even attempting internet fraud like the other young people do), they just hang out in street corners, uncompleted buildings begging for crumbs from neighbourhood dudes, smoking all brands of weed, crack cocaine, popping pills like rohypnol etc. Almost all of them I knew had baby mamas who they met as virgins or with few body counts in their youthful prime. I may be giving off personal information here but I knew one who had 3 baby mamas different women. The guy (his nickname was "Dagger" ) is about 5'5 tall, skinny, spots dreadlocks with burnt charred lips. I met one of his fair, cute baby mamas later in the wealthiest neighborhood of the city. A girl I would rate as a 7 - 8 (very attractive), giving a rich successful bros "headache" in the city much later. In my mind, I was like if this guy knew the dirty broke nonsense guy this girl has fûcked (and probably still fûcking), he would sit down and give himself multiple hard knocks on the head for being a thirsty fool. Na mumu (which most guys are), girls dey "package" for.

Martinez39s:
Once men can put their ego and delusion aside, and start thinking, they will adapt.

In addition to the need to propagate their genes, most men want the be and feel like the "boss man", the traditional "boss man" like ancient patriarchs with submissive wives. This ego, the need to spread gene, and the blue pill delusion/assumption of thinking their spouses are different (and wouldn't do what other women did to their husbands) keep men on the rigid life path that hasn't acknowledged the massive changes society has gone through.

In pursing this path, they forgot that the ancient patriarchs not only enforced the traditional conventions in his household, they also had social pillars and norms that encouraged and backed them up in their patriarchal roles. The modern societies don't have these social pillars and norms, in fact they frown on them as misogynistic and backward. Ironically, even most modern men who want to live the patriarchal life frown upon these too. Also, the type of woman the ancient patriarchs had are different from modern women: women of old were bred to master home keeping skills, they had no equal rights as these men, and they were to submit and rever their husbands. The men, in turn, didn't just have a free ride: their unquestioned leadership and authority came with huge responsibility and sacrifice for their society and families; they had a huge burden of performance and had to earn their post.

> (Patriarchal male) + (traditional woman of old) + (traditional society and social norms) = Smooth running patriarchal households.

> (Patriarchal male) + (modern woman) + [modern society (especially a gynocentric one) and social] = a project doomed to fail for the patriarch trying to enforce traditional settings.

> (Patriarchal male) + (traditional woman in modern day) + [modern society (especially a gynocentric one) and social] = (a project likely to fail for the patriarch trying to enforce traditional settings. This is probably due to bait and switch and ease with which the woman will acquaint herself with the norms of the modern society and break off from tradition. Women are highly social animals that follow and adapt to the latest trends)

Either men can swallow the red pill, drop their ego, and flow with the trend and social norms that are here to stay and are not going any time soon (just like Ubunja, Skepticus, Zabiboy), or they can make things difficult for themselves by threading the old path. Even if men, especially those in gynocentric societies, want to get into relationships and marriages and retain their masculinity and peace, they must sit down and plan how to fix social situations that will impede these things eg. changing the marital and family laws, setting high standards that they will enforce to make women sit up, changing laws that are biased against fathers' rights, etc.

Unfortunately, men don't do this. They just jump in due to reasons I listed earlier; they think they don't have to worry about anything happening to the social norms since they think their case will be different and they will just find the right woman. Most men are like kids playing with the abacus when others are using scientific calculators.

heartofcity12:
Interesting