₦airaland Forum

put the blame on your choice in marriage. dont generalise

Merry100:
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/17MBgNkKgP/

(Not my story. Came across this and it really hit me. What do you think?)

Misleading post, just because you re suffering (if that is even true) doesn't mean that you re a good wife and that only good wives suffer.

If you don't want to stay in a relationship do what your strong and independent sisters do. Leave!!

Just because other women are happy in their marriages doesn't mean they re bad.

With freedom comes responsibility, dont expect the man you despise to keep subsidizing your lifestyle after you leave he owes you nothing.

Omoawoke:
Na this kind dumb statement dem they use lead innocent girls astray

Girls with poor upbringing that came from broken homes or homes without love are the ones preaching this nonsense…
If you like, start giving your men troubles, you will learn the hard way

If you don't project, you won't feel good about yourself. Keep ranting.

See comments 😂. A wise woman would prioritize being financially independent before marriage because marriage can limit women.

Merry100:
If you don't project, you won't feel good about yourself. Keep ranting.

Who’s ranting

Check the advice you are dishing out, does it sound reasonable to you, the fact that you haven’t enjoyed a responsible and loving relationship doesn’t mean you should project that on others

You want to preach being a pain to men by projecting a false delusion that loving girls suffer..

No madam, please keep that toxicity and negativity to yourself. Good girls are having stable and loving relationships.

Merry100:
See comments 😂. A wise woman would prioritize being financially independent before marriage because marriage can limit women.

Good, leave relationship for girls who want to be cared for, who want to be gotten flowers and taken on vacation

Yes, good girls are enjoying all these not girls behaving like maniacs hopping from one gbola to another..

Good girls are having peaceful homes and building healthy families… I know lots of good girls enjoying the best of relationships

Omoawoke:
Who’s ranting

Check the advice you are dishing out, does it sound reasonable to you, the fact that you haven’t enjoyed a responsible and loving relationship doesn’t mean you should project that on others

You want to preach being a pain to men by projecting a false delusion that loving girls suffer..

No madam, please keep that toxicity and negativity to yourself. Good girls are having stable and loving relationships.

You’re quick to project instead of understand. This is post is about someone expressing deep frustration, not preaching negativity. If her truth makes you uncomfortable, maybe look inward instead of dismissing her pain with false moral superiority.

You can't work and push yourself?
Ewuu Gambia
Wicked men are also enjoying their marriages... Na lover men dey suffer for marriage

Omoawoke:
Good, leave relationship for girls who want to be cared for, who want to be gotten flowers and taken on vacation

Yes, good girls are enjoying all these not girls behaving like maniacs hopping from one gbola to another..

Good girls are having peaceful homes and building healthy families… I know lots of good girls enjoying the best of relationships

Many of the "bad girls" you refer to are actually flaunting luxurious gifts on social media.

I don't understand why people get so triggered by others' experiences. Why is there such a strong desire to silence the truth and hide reality?

Sometimes feelings can be misleading. If life were presented as it truly is, more people would make better decisions.

The fact is, both "good" and "bad" girls can suffer if they choose the wrong partner.

Merry100:
You don't get it because you're no different from him; you’re clearly a user just like he is. He has a good wife, but he refuses to reciprocate by being a good husband. It's her thirtieth birthday, for God's sake! He can't just go around bragging about her efforts. He could have shown he cares by simply buying her something, even if it wasn’t expensive.

Lolz, what if he has no money to buy gift for her at that moment? Her husband is a good man for posting her birthday on WhatsApp and Facebook, some men don't even remember their wives birthdays. Besides, it is her home too, and there is nothing wrong if he carries all the burdens too like we men do for ages withiout expectation of being praise.

Merry100:
Many women can endure hardship and tolerate a lot of the tantrums men throw. But physical violence and infidelity? Those are deal breakers for most.

You are not showing any kind gesture, yet you are violent. You will learn a lesson. Haven’t you seen men who come online throwing tantrums because their wives left without saying a word? Or those whose wives secretly applied for a visa and flew out of the country without any prior notice?

If you are serious, why are you jawjawing with someone who is incapable of grasping the topic of discussion?

I have learnt that people knowing you are capable of gbas gbos when required makes them sit up.

In essence, be kind and not nice.

NotOfThisWorld:
Lmao @ "Happy birthday, iron lady".

Lmao @ how have been with him since he had nothing till now he still has nothing but he shamelessly tells them how i can endure anything."



Don't date or marry broke men, you no hear.

The worst part is that when he blows, he probably would not see the wife as deserving of soft life except he genuinely loves her (?) or reposition herself from understanding wife.

It is then that she is no longer his 'type'.

id4sho:
This nonsense happens only in christian homes. Muslim go bring another wife 🤷

When he has not finished husbanding the one he has.

Abi a man who can't take care of one wife will be capable of taking care of four wives same way comfortably?

I guess it is boy maths

yemmit90:
Lolz, what if he has no money to buy gift for her at that moment? Her husband is a good man for posting her birthday on WhatsApp and Facebook, some men don't even remember their wives birthdays. Besides, it is her home too, and there is nothing wrong if he carries all the burdens too like we men do for ages withiout expectation of being praise.

Even a child can save up for a meaningful gift; it's not always about the price, but the thought behind it. Celebrating someone you love goes beyond a Facebook or WhatsApp post.

When it comes to burdens, both men and women carry them. Many married women dedicate their time to running the home, under traditional expectations.

Time is money, and for a woman whose time is already dictated by family demands, it's harder to push beyond those limits. That doesn't mean she lacks ambition; it means the system makes it harder for her to express it.

Merry100:
You don't get it because you're no different from him; you’re clearly a user just like he is. He has a good wife, but he refuses to reciprocate by being a good husband. It's her thirtieth birthday, for God's sake! He can't just go around bragging about her efforts. He could have shown he cares by simply buying her something, even if it wasn’t expensive.

What of all what the man has been buying before the birthday.
Every day is a good day, a good and loving husband or wife will do special things for their
spouses any day without waiting
Some people like to major on minor things.

Merry100:
Even a child can save up for a meaningful gift; it's not always about the price, but the thought behind it. Celebrating someone you love goes beyond a Facebook or WhatsApp post.

When it comes to burdens, both men and women carry them. Many married women dedicate their time to running the home, under traditional expectations.

Time is money, and for a woman whose time is already dictated by family demands, it's harder to push beyond those limits. That doesn't mean she lacks ambition; it means the system makes it harder for her to express it.

I understand your point, but trust me, it might not easy for a poor married man to keep saving in order to get gift for his wife on her birthday? You can never understand, until you find yourself in his shoes. He has done the right thing by praising her for the whole world to see, and I think she should be more than grateful for that. Someone who can do that for his wife could've bought a good gift for her if he can afford it.

I also acknowledge the fact that taking care of home and kids is not an easy job, women are really trying in that aspect, and they should be commended for that by their husbands.

yemmit90:
I understand your point, but trust me, it might not easy for a poor married man to keep saving in order to get gift for his wife on her birthday? You can never understand, until you find yourself in his shoes. He has done the right thing by praising her for the whole world to see, and I think she should be more than grateful for that. Someone who can do that for his wife could've bought a good gift for her if he can afford it.

I also acknowledge the fact that taking care of home and kids is not an easy job, women are really trying in that aspect, and they should be commended for that by their husbands.

This isn't about poverty; it's about being emotionally absent. When praise is used as an excuse for neglect, it stops being love.

She's speaking from a place of brokenness. When someone who's been quiet finally speaks up, it's because the hurt has run deep. She must have felt overlooked; exhausted and tired of neglect disguised as praise for so long.

This isn't about every birthday; she probably let the others slide. But 30 is a milestone; it hits differently. Just one day to show he cares. After standing by him through years of hardship, he didn’t have to give her the world; just something thoughtful to make her feel seen and valued. Instead, she got recycled nicknames on Facebook.

Merry100:
You don't get it because you're no different from him; you’re clearly a user just like he is. He has a good wife, but he refuses to reciprocate by being a good husband. It's her thirtieth birthday, for God's sake! He can't just go around bragging about her efforts. He could have shown he cares by simply buying her something, even if it wasn’t expensive.

One sided story, you told your own part beautifully, "He could have shown he cares by simply buying her something, even if it wasn’t expensive" i am sure your husband takes care of you and provide for the house, but of course you are an Oliver Twist and want more. Stop watering the small efforts your husband makes. stp transcational love. Na wuna dey push wuna husband go do yahoo or enter cult

blueghost:
One sided story, you told your own part beautifully, "He could have shown he cares by simply buying her something, even if it wasn’t expensive" i am sure your husband takes care of you and provide for the house, but of course you are an Oliver Twist and want more. Stop watering the small efforts your husband makes. stp transcational love. Na wuna dey push wuna husband go do yahoo or enter cult

Are you trying to be traditional or logical? Because right now, only you seem to understand your perspective and whichever way you spin it, it's still wrong.

Women are emotionally starved and spiritually overworked, yet told to be 'grateful' for crumbs. But be honest, can those crumbs even pay for the service she renders?

Traditionally, women are expected to function as maid, nanny, cook, nurse, financial manager, tailor, therapist; the list never ends. And men? Simply expected to 'provide.'

Logically, this isn't love; It's labour exploitation.

She’s underpaid, undervalued, and overused.

But the moment women speaks up or asks for basic care, you scream 'Oliver Twist', start claiming it is transactional love and that women are pushing their husbands into crime.

Merry100:
Are you trying to be traditional or logical? Because right now, only you seem to understand your perspective and whichever way you spin it, it's still wrong.

Women are emotionally starved and spiritually overworked, yet told to be 'grateful' for crumbs. But be honest, can those crumbs even pay for the service she renders? She’s underpaid, undervalued, and overused.

Traditionally, women are expected to function as maid, nanny, cook, nurse, financial manager, tailor, therapist; the list never ends. And men? Simply expected to 'provide.'

Logically, this isn't love; It's labour exploitation.

But the moment women speaks up or asks for basic care, you scream 'Oliver Twist', start claiming it is transactional love and that a women are pushing their husband into crime.

Don't change the narrative here read what i wrote slowly especially the first lines. you only talked your own side which you put it in a cool way. Now my question is are you saying he has never done a dime for you
PS: except you confirm he is a deadbeat husband or lazy man, if you can't admit that then be content with whatever you have cos is cold outside

blueghost:
Don't change the narrative here read what i wrote slowly especially the first lines. you only talked your own side which you put it in a cool way. Now my question is are you saying he has never done a dime for you
PS: except you confirm he is a deadbeat husband or lazy man, if you can't admit that then be content with whatever you have cos is cold outside

Thanks for the advice, bro. I was lost, but now I'm found. Where would I be without you.

Merry100:
See comments 😂. A wise woman would prioritize being financially independent before marriage because marriage can limit women.

The fact that marriage limited your mother doesn't others suffer from the same misfortune.

There are men better than your father and it's your mother's fault for not being mentally awake to see this.
There are also women better than your mother not your father knows best why he settled for her.
They both deserve themselves.

Shey na she talk say she be good wife?

Everybody will speak well of themselves.

Person wey call am Iron Lady know wetin him dey see.

Merry100:
You don't get it because you're no different from him; you’re clearly a user just like he is. He has a good wife, but he refuses to reciprocate by being a good husband. It's her thirtieth birthday, for God's sake! He can't just go around bragging about her efforts. He could have shown he cares by simply buying her something, even if it wasn’t expensive.

Wickedfact:
The fact that marriage limited your mother doesn't others suffer from the same misfortune.

There are men better than your father and it's your mother's fault for not being mentally awake to see this.
There are also women better than your mother not your father knows best why he settled for her.
They both deserve themselves.

Hope the projecting helps you feel a little better about yourself.

Wait… are you referring to my mum. Dr. Mrs 😂😂😂

Nonexisting1:
A woman will light a match and when the fire starts, she will cry and blame the man for the same fire she started. Oya, go and be giving your husband small BP and less peace like you said, we will see who will first go hospital.

She is 30 years old and already thinking of giving her husband HBP because he did not go gaga on social media because its her 30th birthday.

Some of these immature wives sef. If this is all she can come up with at age 30, what virtue can she teach her children

Merry100:
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/17MBgNkKgP/

(Not my story. Came across this and it really hit me. What do you think?)

This woman thinks it's sweeter on the other side.??

Well, it's like she wants to learn by experience.

She is highly welcome..

BluntCrazeMan:
This woman thinks it's sweeter on the other side.??

Well, it's like she wants to learn by experience.

She is highly welcome..

I don't support turning a home into a toxic battleground; for her sake, and especially for the children. The heart is even fragile. It's wiser to avoid hypertension and emotional stress.

But what exactly is she supposed to "learn"? That managing an emotionally empty man for life is better than being alone and building peace for herself and her children?

Nollywood is not real life, things rarely play out that way. Go to mental health facilities and see the number of women battling psychological breakdowns because of relationship trauma, and you'll understand why self-love is not a luxury but a necessity. If you listen to their stories, you’d be shocked and humbled.

A man like this is hopeless, and it's not advisable to place trust or expectations on him. Even if he gets rich tomorrow, he likely still won't prioritize her or show affection. In fact, he's the type of man who might marry another wife and leave her in deep regret.

Either way, she may never become the happiest woman in the world; but being alone would give her more peace of mind than staying with someone who constantly drains her emotionally.

I believe in protecting one's peace, but my faith doesn't support divorce over emotional neglect.

My Candid Advice:
She should focus on herself and her children, and let the man remain the empty space he has chosen to be. Let them live like two polite tenants pretending to love each other; if that’s what it takes to maintain peace.

Let her withdraw some of the attention and effort she has been giving. No more exhausting sacrifices. If she used to trek long distances just to get cheaper groceries, she should stop. Buy what’s nearby, and if he complains, she should calmly say, "Things are expensive these days."

No more suffering to impress someone who doesn't notice the effort.

Since he enjoys praising her, she can return the gesture by praising him as well. No bitterness, no arguments; just balance.

This way, there’s no fighting, no stress, and she won’t have to carry the "Iron Lady" title anymore.

He might even reframe it and start calling her the "Gentle Lady" instead. He could say, "My wife is very gentle and calm; she doesn’t like stress."

Love isn't about how much money someone has. It’s about kindness, intentionality, and emotional presence. If you truly love someone, you'll always find small ways to show it; even when you have very little.

I remember a couple who used to visit with their children. They didn't have much, but their love was so genuine, it was beautiful to watch. They laughed together, respected each other deeply, and the husband; even in lack, always found ways to make his wife feel loved. That is the kind of love that would make anyone believe strongly in love.

I often pray nothing bad happens to either of them whenever I remember them; I doubt one could survive without the other.