₦airaland Forum

Women love? Breaking News

Kobojunkie:
Is the first choice usually the best choice, or just a result of an infatuation? If a woman does not end up with her first choice, doesn't that invariably mean the first choice did not necessarily love her?

You not getting me the first choice in this case is her first preference . Not necessary the first ever guy she met. So yeah she may marry some one else but comparative may not love him as much.

XXCASH:
➜Marriage is about endurance, patience, understanding etc.
➜ If you dont have these then you shouldn't marry.
➜Reason most young couples can stay in marriage.
➜ Are yoy married

1. I knew it! You are literally one of those who believes marriage is all about endurance, the very reason for many people, particularly women, choosing to live in unhappy/toxic situations as opposed to living freely without those self-imposed shackles.

2. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but endurance is not a formula for a happy marriage, the same way it cannot be a formula for a happy parent-child relationship or anything fulfilling in life. Endurance only works when one has chosen to suffer through a situation that has a set expiration date. One could, for example, endure a bad job to raise a certain amount of money, after which one dumps that job completely. One can endure living in a shanty until one is later able to afford better, after which one completely abandons the shanty for that which is better and more reasonable. People endure hard times, believing they are temporary and not for life. Any situation that is expected to end in death is not worth enduring.

Another faulty belief many have out there is that sacrifice is the formula for happiness, either in life or in marriage.

That you used those tools to manipulate your way into having your relationship last as long as it has does not make it the formula for marriage. Rather, both remain tools of deceit that it has always been.

3. Wrong! The reason why most young couples don't stay in marriage is that they start off believing the fable that endurance and sacrifice are indeed all that is needed. However, as they gain more exposure in this information age we all now live in, they quickly realize that that old formula is akin to taking poison while expecting it to kill someone else. There is no valid reason to choose an unfulfilled life and existence in an unhappy/toxic relationship, all to see a marriage last many, many years. It does not make any logical sense, no matter how you try to configure it.

4. I suggest you go out and read the thousands of reports from research done on 10s of millions of marriages out there that claim different formulae for survival to learn a lot more of the facts from the delusions you spew.

Adakintroy:
➜You not getting me the first choice in this case is her first preference . Not necessary the first ever guy she met. So yeah she may marry some one else but comparative may not love him as much.

Ah, I see! But why bother marrying someone who does not qualify as a first preference? Is it that the woman is under some assumption that there is only one of that type out there for her?

Even men marry who is ready..😂😂😂

It seems this topic is just describing my marriage in full picture. I unknowingly married someone who didn't love me at all. She had her eyes elsewhere but I was the one ready and available as at the time the pressure to leave her parents' place was overwhelming. I came into marriage with so much innocence and sincerity of purpose. I am a victim of circumstances. I pray i get mercy from God.

lailo:
➜It seems this topic is just describing my marriage in full picture. I unknowingly married someone who didn't love me at all. She had her eyes elsewhere but I was the one ready and available as at the time the pressure to leave her parents' place was overwhelming.
➜ I came into marriage with so much innocence and sincerity of purpose. I am a victim of circumstances.
➜ I pray i get mercy from God.

Did you truly unknowingly marry her, or did you want her even when it was probably obvious she was not that into you?

2. Victim of what circumstance?

3. Mercy from which God in what way? If your marriage is unhealthy/toxic, what is stopping you from exiting?

Kobojunkie:
Did you truly unknowingly marry her, or did you want her even when it was probably obvious she was not that into you?

2. Victim of what circumstance?

3. Mercy from which God in what way? If your marriage is unhealthy/toxic, what is stopping you from exiting?

Madam, read well, understand what I wrote and safe your peace. Thanks

lailo:
It seems this topic is just describing my marriage in full picture. I unknowingly married someone who didn't love me at all. She had her eyes elsewhere but I was the one ready and available as at the time the pressure to leave her parents' place was overwhelming. I came into marriage with so much innocence and sincerity of purpose. I am a victim of circumstances. I pray i get mercy from God.

You were aware she had her eyes elsewhere but because of the pressure to leave her parents at that time , she hurriedly married you, yet you're claiming you UNKNOWNINGLY married someone who doesn't love you. Sir, you're very much aware she doesn't love you, own up to your desperation to get married and not fully blaming her for your misfortune.
One thing I discover about Narcissist is that they always love to form victim, whether they're right or wrong, bros you need therapy.Get help
And do not forget to exit the marriage and you can as well give me your wife's number,I need to check something out.

Laalasticla:
➜You were aware she had her eyes elsewhere but because of the pressure to leave her parents at that time , she hurriedly married you, yet you're claiming you UNKNOWNINGLY married someone who doesn't love you .
One thing I discover about Narcissist is that they always love to form victim, whether they're right or wrong, bros you need therapy.Get help

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

/
In Nigerian context, love is a fleeting emotional illusion used to keep ladies in their fathers' houses until menopause finds them.

Oyibo knows how to play love yet they have about 60% divorce rate. Go figure!

I don't think Tuface hated all his ex-wives when they first hooked up. The mirage cleared with time.
/

Kobojunkie:
Ah, I see! But why bother marrying someone who does not qualify as a first preference? Is it that the woman is under some assumption that there is only one of that type out there for her?

its not that forward a answer there could be multiple of such preference. But finding them in one lifetime could easily take a lifetime and getting them to actually proposed marriage is even so not easy. It's why I stated it's not always a woman call to make. Cuz you may love someone enough but they don't love you to the point of marriage .its the whole complicated point of settling for the lesser preferred.

Adakintroy:
➜its not that forward a answer there could be multiple of such preference. But finding them in one lifetime could easily take a lifetime and getting them to actually proposed marriage is even so not easy. It's why I stated it's not always a woman call to make.
➜ Cuz you may love someone enough but they don't love you to the point of marriage.
➜ its the whole complicated point of settling for the lesser preferred.

1. Finding them, why? That sounds like that mentality that presumes singlehood is meant as some sort of placeholder for marriage. What about a situation where a woman/man "finds" their type but decides that the best way to show love is to stay away from them completely— choose singlehood— love them from afar? Is that also valid?

2. What does it mean to love someone enough, though? Why is love not just love? Also, is marriage somehow dependent on the quantity of love doled out?

3. From my vantage point, it ain't supposed to be complicated or irrational. Folks are supposed to only engage those with whom they share mutual feelings and understanding. Engaging individuals with whom you do not have mutual feelings and understanding is literally crazy...irrational even, and reality proves that to be the case time and time again.

If a contract marriage/relationship is instead what one wants, then one ought to make it clear from the get-go and engage others interested in just that; people who enter into such unions don't settle for anything less than that which would benefit them the most. But having to settle in marriage with no real benefit to be gained is utterly ludicrous! It is better to remain single for life than do that.

Kobojunkie:
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[right][/right]

No be small thing o

I've said this a lot of times.
There's always a sign of it but most men can't see it due to emotions.

She's 100% right.

Marrying who is ready is way less stressful than marrying whom you love.

DavidEsq:
➜Marrying who is ready is way less stressful than marrying whom you love.

Did you compare this to the torment of living with someone who you know fully well you do not love for the rest of your life?

Kobojunkie:
1. Finding them, why? That sounds like that mentality that presumes singlehood is meant as some sort of placeholder for marriage. What about a situation where a woman/man "finds" their type but decides that the best way to show love is to stay away from them completely— choose singlehood— love them from afar? Is that also valid?

2. What does it mean to love someone enough, though? Why is love not just love? Also, is marriage somehow dependent on the quantity of love doled out?

3. From my vantage point, it ain't supposed to be complicated or irrational. Folks are supposed to only engage those with whom they share mutual feelings and understanding. Engaging individuals with whom you do not have mutual feelings and understanding is literally crazy...irrational even, and reality proves that to be the case time and time again.

If a contract marriage/relationship is instead what one wants, then one ought to make it clear from the get-go and engage others interested in just that; people who enter into such unions don't settle for anything less than that which would benefit them the most. But having to settle in marriage with no real benefit to be gained is utterly ludicrous! It is better to remain single for life than do that.

You inserting yourself way too much into the context. No one is talking about you or your ideals or your love takes We talking mostly general realities "out there".

Reality is that which creates its own unique "checker". Where it open up on one ends it closes on the other. Biological,social and cultural all considered.

Adakintroy:
➜You inserting yourself way too much into the context.
➜ No one is talking about you or your ideals or your love takes We talking mostly general realities "out there".
➜ Reality is that which creates its own unique "checker".
➜ Where it open up on one ends it closes on the other. Biological,social and cultural all considered.

Myself? How? Where?

2. I made no mention of myself in any of that, though. I simply commented based on studies I have read and observations made from facts I have gathered over the decades.

3. Unique "checker"? Where?

4. I don't follow at all! Where are these standards documented or codified?

Blueelf:
Omo, you be Simp oooi

Your simping is on another level. Chai

I'm not arguing from a personal point of view but about what should obtain generally. If I'm to advise my sisters or my daughters in the future, I'll encourage them to marry a guy who is more inlove with them.

90% of women don't married who they love but who has money and willing to spend on a lavish marriage and lifestyle. That's where their love lies

Samantha125:
It depends on her family background... If you're from an advantaged background, you marry who you love, but if you're from a disadvantaged background, you marry who is ready, you can even get married to an old man.

What I'm reading

Marriage doesn't have a formula

Exactly

SultanOfPuna:
A girl I was dating went behind my back to marry a guy she meet couple months.

When I saw their wedding picture I was so confused. The guy look weak and his face look like he is already tired of life

I guess he is more richer than me because I fine pass the guy scatter.
The guy also look like someone that his wife will control anyhow.

Maybe I'm wrong but this marriage thing don cast. Looks like she choose who she can control as husband
90% of married men lack all those things you mention. Let's stop deciceving ourselves

Kobojunkie:
This is obviously irrational bullsheet given that Nigeria is not the only country in the world with a history of polygamy. To add to that, the Northern states do not boast of the same levels of adultery as is found amongst those in Southern Nigeria, where the culture of adultery has become commonplace in marriage. 😏😏😏

Can we please start critically analyzing the reality of things beginning in 2025? 🥱🥱🥱

You wanted to counter my point and your example is northern Nigeria where polygamy is basically legal and widely practiced
Clap for yourself, you are very smart !!!!

Trueprophet91:
Marriage is not about "love"
Take it from a married man.
Marriage is responsibility

Definitely

Kobojunkie:
Did you compare this to the torment of living with someone who you know fully well you do not love for the rest of your life?

It's no torment. Let everyone live with his decisions

DavidEsq:
✓ It's no torment. Let everyone live with his decisions

This living of their decisions is what brought this topic up which clearly reveals that endurance aka torment in marriage is a choice, not some sort of mandate.

Men, in summary, save, prepare and plan for them when they are ready. No more shawarma, jollof rice, money for gas, shopping and clothing. Men too must be wise.

CorperKola:
✓ You wanted to counter my point and your example is northern Nigeria where polygamy is basically legal and widely practiced
Clap for yourself, you are very smart !!!!

You tried to force a point, leading me to reveal that the trend in Southern Nigeria does not even mirror that in Northern Nigeria, where polygamy is more widespread and accepted, to squash your delusion completely. That is a valid move!

Kobojunkie:
You tried to force a point leading me to reveal that the trend in Southern Nigeria does not even mirror hkthat in Northern Nigeria where polygamy is more widespread and accepted in order to squash your delusion completely. That is a valid move !

Thats why i said you are very smart
Because you cannot see that forcing people to view polygamy as illegal and immoral in southern nigeria where it was practiced before Vs In Northern Nigeria where it is legal and widespread is responsible for the different outcomes
Obviously different religions with 2 very different views on polygamy dominate the north and South today which is different from the past when traditional religions which allowed or even promoted polygamy were in vogue in pretty much all over Nigeria
This isnt that hard to understand na

Kobojunkie:
You tried to force a point leading me to reveal that the trend in Southern Nigeria does not even mirror hkthat in Northern Nigeria where polygamy is more widespread and accepted in order to squash your delusion completely. That is a valid move !

Wgo keeps deleting my responses to you
Maybe you have a friend that is qmod here that is desperately trying to ensure you dont make yourself look foolish
What a Pathetic low from nairaland