₦airaland Forum

kiddaz:
Of course I am not against that. Finances are very important tools in every day life. The quality of life, is always better when your finances are going good. I'm not and won't argue against getting money (man or woman) because it adds to the beauty of life itself and is actually a very important aspect of family. My own point is this. It should never be the basis of committing to another. When money is the basis of commitment, it means a relationship, agreement, or loyalty is primarily driven by financial incentives, transactional value, or monetary compensation rather than genuine emotional attachment, shared values, or long-term dedication...Capiche?

Of course no one is saying money should be the only consideration, what OP is saying is that future financial obligations shoud not be totally forgotten as is usually the case

Host78:
Everyone knows you need to pay rent.

Everyone knows you need to be able to afford necessities.

What we are saying is that this should not be the basis for choosing a partner.

A man/woman should not be loved simply because they can provide these necessities for you.

It's selfish and destructive.

LOVE someone first genuinely and then live according to your means. As you are, you have a means of survival already. Your partner should be able to love you at this point and be ready to survive at this level with you.

No one says you should not pay rent but you should not be loved solely because you are being fed off on.

"Everyone knows" yet, like the OP said, the only considerations usually are "love", "chemistry", "compatibility", never what you say "everyone knows".
You'll get a better sense of the discussion if you think of yourself as a parent whose daughter says she wants to marry some poverty-stricken young man because they have chemistry, love. You can see clearly what she can't see because, as a parent, you live in the real world, not in La la land!

Host78:
Everyone knows you need to pay rent.

Everyone knows you need to be able to afford necessities.

What we are saying is that this should not be the basis for choosing a partner.

A man/woman should not be loved simply because they can provide these necessities for you.

It's selfish and destructive.

LOVE someone first genuinely and then live according to your means. As you are, you have a means of survival already. Your partner should be able to love you at this point and be ready to survive at this level with you.

No one says you should not pay rent but you should not be loved solely because you are being fed off on.

Your quarrel really is with biology and nature. Unlike men, women have very few children and for their genes to survive those children must survive to adulthood. instinctively their very first criterium in choosing a partner is someone who can protect (and provide for) their offsprings to adulthood. That is why they instinctively prefer a feared "bad" man. In the old days when parents picked their daughters' husbands their main criteria are usually that he come from a good family (good genes) and that he be able to provide for their daughter. And the marriages usually last

We have grown beyond our biology. Our muscles today do almost no work other than us hitting the gym.

Secondly, Saying women choose men for the sake of their children is a fat lie.

Women choose rich men for their own comforts. Which is selfish from the man's perspective because as soon as he lost his income she jumps ship for her own survival.

What we need is women who still wants to go out there and "gather" while their men hunts.

Not the partner that just wants luxury

QuinQ:
Your quarrel really is with biology and nature. Unlike men, women have very few children and for their genes to survive those children must survive to adulthood. instinctively their very first criterium in choosing a partner is someone who can protect (and provide for) their offsprings to adulthood. That is why they instinctively prefer a feared "bad" man. In the old days when parents picked their daughters' husbands their main criteria are usually that he come from a good family (good genes) and that he be able to provide for their daughter. And the marriages usually last

Again you lie.

No man has ever said he wants to get married without having a place to stay or some sort of income.

This is because he knows that families need to dwell somewhere and eat something.

What we are against is the "standards". A man must have a duplex to marry or a car or a range rover or pay private school fees or go on vacation every year or this and that.

Those are not what define marriage. If you love someone, you can stay in your one room apartment, eat your meals twice a day, send your kids to government schools and live conveniently.

Marriage should never be monetized

Again, you conveniently see how we both use "men" as providers and the women as receivers?

Now imagine this being the sole reason why you a woman marries you. Just to enjoy luxury and not suffer. Do you not see the selfishness?

QuinQ:
"Everyone knows" yet, like the OP said, the only considerations usually are "love", "chemistry", "compatibility", never what you say "everyone knows".
You'll get a better sense of the discussion if you think of yourself as a parent whose daughter says she wants to marry some poverty-stricken young man because they have chemistry, love. You can see clearly what she can't see because, as a parent, you live in the real world, not in La la land!

Then let her go.

You think having money stops a woman from sleeping around?

If someone wants to sleep around let them do it, it's not your fault.

Like who convinced men that it is their duty to do security guard for tōtō? So because you get married to a woman it becomes your duty to prevent her from cheating to the extent you need to spend money?

Something is wrong somewhere with our mentality. Something is wrong.

onehope:
Let no woman deceive you into marriage with this kind of lyrics oh. You must not be very rich to marry but don't try it as a struggling man. Except the woman is bringing money into the marriage. Everything is not money ke but by the time you cannot meet the needs of your wife for prolonged period, you go see shege for that marriage oh. Women do not know how to respect/honor broke men for long. And you are likely to share her with another man who can provide, that is if she decides to stay in the marriage. Even women themselves do not even know what they are capable of doing until they get to that bridge so do not rely on their vows or promises. You go faint when that same woman go say "I used to love you; or the way this marriage is going is not what I was expecting"

and then there are those men who have become convinced not to get respect from their wives or get sěx unless they provide

Don't you see that it is not you but the money that is being respected or fvcked?

Chai!

Host78:
We have grown beyond our biology. Our muscles today do almost no work other than us hitting the gym.

Secondly, Saying women choose men for the sake of their children is a fat lie.

Women choose rich men for their own comforts. Which is selfish from the man's perspective because as soon as he lost his income she jumps ship for her own survival.

What we need is women who still wants to go out there and "gather" while their men hunts.

Not the partner that just wants luxury

Wrong! Why then are men still polygamous and find it hard to resist sex with a new woman? Because of that biological need to spread their seeds assuring survival of their genes. And once they've had sex with a woman ("impregnated" her), their interest in her goes way down and they'll be more turned on by a new woman? There is NO logical reason for any of it except that inate instinct to assure survival of his genes by spreading his seeds as widely as possible!
Which is also why "mother love" will always be there. From the child's and onlookers' perspective it is pure selfless love. When in reality it is the woman’s selfish need to assure survival of her genes. So we're governed by ancient instincts just like animals even when the justification for the action had long disappeared!

Poor man don drop quote

Host78:
Again you lie.

No man has ever said he wants to get married without having a place to stay or some sort of income.

This is because he knows that families need to dwell somewhere and eat something.

What we are against is the "standards". A man must have a duplex to marry or a car or a range rover or pay private school fees or go on vacation every year or this and that.

Those are not what define marriage. If you love someone, you can stay in your one room apartment, eat your meals twice a day, send your kids to government schools and live conveniently.

Marriage should never be monetized

Again, you conveniently see how we both use "men" as providers and the women as receivers?

Now imagine this being the sole reason why you a woman marries you. Just to enjoy luxury and not suffer. Do you not see the selfishness?

You are the one lying. People marry and stay in parent's house or without having a place of their own. Even whole families are homeless.

But that's not even the point. The point is foresight of future financial obligations, which is almost always missing amidst "love" and "chemistry", EXCEPT when the bride's parents are the ones choosing a husband for her!

onehope:
Let no woman deceive you into marriage with this kind of lyrics oh. You must not be very rich to marry but don't try it as a struggling man. Except the woman is bringing money into the marriage. Everything is not money ke but by the time you cannot meet the needs of your wife for prolonged period, you go see shege for that marriage oh. Women do not know how to respect/honor broke men for long. And you are likely to share her with another man who can provide, that is if she decides to stay in the marriage. Even women themselves do not even know what they are capable of doing until they get to that bridge so do not rely on their vows or promises. You go faint when that same woman go say "I used to love you; or the way this marriage is going is not what I was expecting"

Leave them until reality hits them.

Love doesn't pay bills.

Marriage is more of responsibilities and if you are struggling to clear your responsibilities when due, your wife and self would be so stressed that Love and Sex will be so cold and distant amng you two.
Who talks about Love when the landlady is constantly embarrassing you every morning before you sneak out, shouting loudly.
Who talks about Love when your kids are sent back home from school. When they are sick you are busy running around calling people for loans to take them to hospital.

I guess people don't differentiate school Love and relationship with after school Love and Marriage.

onehope:
Let no woman deceive you into marriage with this kind of lyrics oh. You must not be very rich to marry but don't try it as a struggling man. Except the woman is bringing money into the marriage. Everything is not money ke but by the time you cannot meet the needs of your wife for prolonged period, you go see shege for that marriage oh. Women do not know how to respect/honor broke men for long. And you are likely to share her with another man who can provide, that is if she decides to stay in the marriage. Even women themselves do not even know what they are capable of doing until they get to that bridge so do not rely on their vows or promises. You go faint when that same woman go say "I used to love you; or the way this marriage is going is not what I was expecting"

Also, when i see men screaming Love, Love< love up and down. I see men who are insecured, afraid and scared of losing their women.
Bro, let's br frank, the outside world is heavily competitive.
So many men with money, nice cars, abroadians etc that are constantly a threat to your relationship and woman.
SO the only guarantee a struggling man has is a non-written agrreement or insurance from the woman called LOVE.
If she can guarantee him her LOVE, what it means is that he should relax and not be scared of her been taken away by a better man with money, cars, from abroad etc.
The more your financial stauts improves, the less you actually care about Love provided you are not an introvert

EponObi:
Your still living on El Dorado.

Be financially stable before considering marriage. That's all. No where in my post did I say you should be rich. Financial stability is not equal to richness.

EXACTLY...Exactly bro.
I don't know why many Nigerians always equate financial stability to Richness.
Financial stability is just the basic financial level expected of a human/man. It is a minimum requirement.
A decent life.
I don't think this is a crime to expect or require for God sake. It is the basic

Host78:
No. The first thing that will make you happy is knowing how little you need to be happy.

Greed and covetousnes is what has been marketed into us to desire things we don't need.

I grew up in a single room. I know I need very little to live

Growing up in a single room or your dad living in a single room with 5 kids and a wife in the 80's and 90's can be excused, trying that now will be termed an Irresponsible Man.

Please don't try it nor see it as a yard stick or bench mark.
The things are parents did then that we ignored or see as normal is not normal in today's world and totally not acceptable.
Such a man could have been seen as a responsible man then but a failure now. Highly irresponsible who is not ready for marriage yet married a woman in a single face-me-i-slap-you and breeding like pigs to 5 kids.
Inside 1 room.

Angelfrost:
True... But, without money, unhappiness is fully guaranteed.

QuinQ:
This is La la land talk. In the real world what makes a person happy is being able to well afford it when the rent is due. What makes a person unhappy is being stressed out when rent is due, and having to bring out a calculator, and inevitably end up dodging the landlord and frantically running around looking for a way to borrow money. That's what makes a person unhappy in the real world!

Gbam!!!


You have earned a follower

Zackattack:
Don’t let this person’s quote fool you. Happiness is the goal, but no one can deny that poverty is the worse, especially after tasting wealth.

GravityDefier:
Not all, some people don't feel they deserve even basic amenities not to talk of good life.

Hmmmm....bitter truth.

They are so so used to poverty/struggling that they are now comfortable in it and see nothing wrong in it.

GravityDefier:
Both the rich and the poor experience everything you mentioned up there. Balance the analysis; You tend to be defending one side.

We have rich and happy homes just as we have poor and happy homes.

Riches cannot buy true love neither is poverty the legal tender for true love

Everyone should choose their poison and LEARN to be happy with it.

Finito Alamusical

GravityDefier:
Poverty is NOT good and it DOESN'T still guarantee happiness

Omoh.

There is currently a poverty awareness campaign among the new generation.
People are now Anti-Poverty.

Say No to Poverty crusade

CorperKola:
Mindset of everything is money is the true destruction and doom of a society
Very simple
This mindset can be used to justify everything that is caustic to society

From prostitution to govt corruption to kidnapping

The common mindset behind it all is Money must be made by all means

I remember being truly happy just minding my business cos i had no one to compare to on facebook or whatsapp status

Social media is really something

I don't think we are saying money must be made at all cost or you should be rich, all what we are saying is that we deserve the BASIC MINIMUM FINANCIAL LEVEL to start a marriage.

I don't think that is a crime to ask for, right?

realG101:
You can also be poor and the happiness will not be there.

Let's stop pretending money is not good. Everybody is better off with money in the bank.

People like to console themselves because it's hard to be rich.

BTW if you're rich but unhappy, you are the problem, not money.

Fact @ the bolded

realG101:
And who told you poor couples too don't get tired of each other.

But yall pay more attention to the rich and whatever they do.

Nobody said money is everything, nobody said you can't be miserable with money.

A man without game is a man without game, money can get him chicks but will not cure his game problem.

The rich guy whose wife you're forking is a boring person, but the money is not the cause of the boredom, it's the guy.

However, the rich guy is better off with his money, because without the money, that wife would either have left him for you or he would never have gotten to marry her in the first place.

Money is a big advantage always.

Gbam!!!

The difference between the older generation and younger folks is that no one wants to start small. Yesterdays Nigeria's boomer generation were lucky to get a girl who can work with their programme, start in one room and from there they expanded. But this was with a promise that they worked hard to better their situation which in some cases turned out right or even turned out worse. Young women in today's generation wouldn't even give you a chance, i mean for the mere sake of fertility, a lot of them may come to their senses in their 30s and be like yeah lets work something out but men on the other hand don't mind waiting it out until things get better.

In retrospect finances define the intersexual dynamics of being together with your significant other. Older boomers didn't mind getting along with a girl who is decent, unemployed, comes from a supposedly good family and is feminine in nature. In todays economy, if a lady doesn't have job, too demanding or has poor money habit; has a penchant for unbated consumerism then she scores low as compared to someone who has the opposite of the qualities lacking. Over time as a young adult, i have seen couples who started with love become enemies or their marriages experiencing some sort of strain because of financial stress and not having money at the right time sucks

realG101:
You can also be poor and the happiness will not be there.

Let's stop pretending money is not good. Everybody is better off with money in the bank.

People like to console themselves because it's hard to be rich.

BTW if you're rich but unhappy, you are the problem, not money.

Apt.

Diamond098454:
I lost my only sibling, the only sibling i have in this world money couldn't save him. But there are those that doesn't have money but they are alive, healthy and happy. They will get sick and recover without visiting a health center
Now you see one of the reasons i said money is not everything

Lol... Why don't you go to general hospital and see many who don't have money to buy drugs or even admit their family members and they die by the passage or on bed because of injections as low as 2k.
Or those who are so wretched that instead of taking their wards to hospital, they decided to take them to prayer mountain because spiritual oils are cheaper or free while many die like fowls.

emmaodet:
I don't think we are saying money must be made at all cost or you should be rich, all what we are saying is that we deserve the BASIC MINIMUM FINANCIAL LEVEL to start a marriage.

I don't think that is a crime to ask for, right?

You can go and read the original post
Thats not what he said

He almost elevated money to the level of a god to be worshipped

Basic minimum financial level is also very subjective and relative

Diamond098454:
I lost my only sibling, the only sibling i have in this world money couldn't save him. But there are those that doesn't have money but they are alive, healthy and happy. They will get sick and recover without visiting a health center
Now you see one of the reasons i said money is not everything

Sorry for your loss.

Money is certainly not everything. Only God is.

emmaodet:
EXACTLY...Exactly bro.
I don't know why many Nigerians always equate financial stability to Richness.
Financial stability is just the basic financial level expected of a human/man. It is a minimum requirement.
A decent life.
I don't think this is a crime to expect or require for God sake. It is the basic

Financial stability/ comfort is hard as it means being average, with the current economy and inflation, it's tough for people hence it seems like it's equated to being wealthy, in these generation it's either you are rich or you are poor, middle class is dead, we are in the rentier economy, home ownership is dead

Diamond098454:
Are you sure? People from poor home are always happy, they have unlimited freedom, they have a lot of friends and they visit friends without anyone questioning them. Is that not pure joy? Are they not happy? What can of happiness are you looking for again?

Now, let's flip the scenario. If same family turns out to become wealthy tomorrow:

(i) Would the happiness automatically disappear and everything become sorrowful because they now live comfortably?

(ii) Would they be willing to go back to the wretchedness they were before?

(iii) Would they give out all their fortunes in order to go back to their previous state of poverty?

I guess you already have the answers to the above questions.

Ask a man/woman WHO WAS ONCE POOR and then becomes WEALTHY IN A GENUINE WAY the below question:
"In your next life would you like to be rich or poor"?

I believe you know the answer he/she will give to you.

A poor man is having grey hair because of thinking on how to pay for the children's fees and hospital bills WHILE the rich man is having grey hair because of thinking on how to grow his business and empire.



There's no dignity in poverty.

You are funny

GravityDefier:
Now, let's flip the scenario. If same family turns out to become wealthy tomorrow:

(i) Would the happiness automatically disappear and everything become sorrowful because they now live comfortably?

(ii) Would they be willing to go back to the wretchedness they were before?

(iii) Would they give out all their fortunes in order to go back to their previous state of poverty?

I guess you already have the answers to the above questions.

Ask a man/woman WHO WAS ONCE POOR and then becomes WEALTHY IN A GENUINE WA the below question:
"In your next life would you like to be rich or poor"?

I believe you know the answer he/she will give to you.

A poor man is having grey hair because of thinking on how to pay for the children's fees and hospital bills WHILE the rich man is having grey hair because of thinking on how to grow his business and empire.



There's no dignity in poverty.

🌹🙏

realG101:
Sorry for your loss.

Money is certainly not everything. Only God is.

Diamond098454:
You are funny

I just scrolled up above my post and saw your post concerning the d*eath of your beloved sibling.

My condolence.