₦airaland Forum

It feels like the people who are drawn to me aren’t the ones I’m drawn to. I don’t feel a connection, and I can’t fake it.

Meanwhile, the people I genuinely like don’t seem to feel the same way about me.

Then I get blamed for being single, like I’m the problem for saying no.

But should I force feelings that aren’t there? I’ve tried, and it doesn’t work.

I just wish it was easier to find someone who feels the same way I do.

I want the feelings to be mutual on both sides not one-sided love.

I don't even need the man to be as handsome as brad pitt or as rich as Elon musk. There is this certain type of appeal that i find attractive in a Guy which most guys don't have.

Like this guy proposing to me, has been begging to take me out, i just don't feeling anything for him. Not my spec in any way .
Update;
I mean i need a guy i can kiss, a guy that i can share one Spoon with. These guys looking at them even disgusts me, even when they touch me, i feel nothing but disgust. Honestly, you guys don't know how attraction works. Not as easy as you all are saying. I want it mutual not one sided.

It's simple. The same way these guys "begging you" are not your spec. The same way all the guys you're giving green lights (liking) also see you as not their spec.

There's nothing wrong with that. Everyone deserves to be with the person they love.

Sometimes though, love needs to be given a chance, then it'll grow on us - unless of course you're looking at qualities that the men around you don't have control over i.e looks, height.

There was this guy that hit on me years ago, i swear i really liked this one but he turned out to be a chronic womanizer so i ended it all. One other one we both liked each other, he turned out to be a thief. I had to end it all. Seems this dating thing doesn't favor me. 😔

Stephen0mozzy:
It's simple. The same way these guys "begging you" are not your spec. The same way all the guys you're giving green lights (liking) also see you as not their spec.

There's nothing wrong with that. Everyone deserves to be with the person they love.

Sometimes though, love needs to be given a chance, then it'll grow on us - unless of course you're looking at qualities that the men around you don't have control over i.e looks, height.

sad reality of life indeed

Dating is not just for everyone or why can't God grant me my own heart desire?

Yesterday someone married a jawless man. Husband materials dey, na u dey find rich 6ft tall and Mr handsome

Hope you won't end up in Shiloh 2033 begging God for even half man. 😁

Keep being choosy.

Please let's see your pic first.

Let me know if you worth my opinion.

---

I pity guys that waste their time forcing themselves on women.

Madam nothing like spec. Women like handsome clean guys with certain character they admire.

The one you said you like but a womanizer. He is a womanizer because he is handsome and other women like him as well.

The handsome guy don't worship you as others are doing, that's why you pulled out and the guy don't send you too or care.

You want to keep him to yourself alone when both of you are not married. The world don't revolve around you.

We have more women in this country than men. You're just one woman out of millions, so go and take a rest dear.

Real love is cultivated , nourished while putting in continuous efforts in the maintenance.

Ori ti o jiya, if they give her gold, she will go for glitter

Enjoy ur singlehood o. Please when ur single at 45 dont come and disturb us on the internet space that u want a man and u have money to give the man. As u dey shine naturally now better chose one and gradually package him to ur dream man . No go turn internet nuisance at 45.

Elon Musk should be able to make it possible for us to mould and purchase the kind of partners we want by 2028.

Just exercise little patience dear

Evaress:
It feels like the people who are drawn to me aren’t the ones I’m drawn to. I don’t feel a connection, and I can’t fake it.

Meanwhile, the people I genuinely like don’t seem to feel the same way about me.

Then I get blamed for being single, like I’m the problem for saying no.

But should I force feelings that aren’t there? I’ve tried, and it doesn’t work.

I just wish it was easier to find someone who feels the same way I do.

I want the feelings to be mutual on both sides not one-sided love.

I don't even need the man to be as handsome as brad pitt or as rich as Elon musk. There is this certain type of appeal that i find attractive in a Guy which most guys don't have.

evening newspapers reporters will be looking at you and grinding their teeths with past regrets wishing if they could just see one man even half of man to marry them while you have options but wasting it

Keep enjoying while it last

PerfectStranger:
Yesterday someone married a jawless man. Husband materials dey, na u dey find rich 6ft tall and Mr handsome

and GOD fearing 😁




Hmmmmmm

That's how this crazy thing called love works. The person who is crazy about you is not the person you are crazy about and the person you are crazy about has someone who he/she is crazy about who is not crazy about them.

Wetin you come de find? Oya tell us what the appeal should be. Maybe okoro for here na your spec

Evaress:
It feels like the people who are drawn to me aren’t the ones I’m drawn to. I don’t feel a connection, and I can’t fake it.

Meanwhile, the people I genuinely like don’t seem to feel the same way about me.

Then I get blamed for being single, like I’m the problem for saying no.

But should I force feelings that aren’t there? I’ve tried, and it doesn’t work.

I just wish it was easier to find someone who feels the same way I do.

I want the feelings to be mutual on both sides not one-sided love.

I don't even need the man to be as handsome as brad pitt or as rich as Elon musk. There is this certain type of appeal that i find attractive in a Guy which most guys don't have.

some guys are just the problem of themselves. A woman like you need to stay on your own until 40 before you understand better. People like this usually ends up as baby mama. Who Mumu marry this one done enter one chance

That's why many of you ended up in toxic/failed marriage. You would be running after guys who will not give you respect you deserve from your partner, all in name of tall, dark & six packs.

When the whole show scatters you come back to blame all men.

I will advise you to go to TikTok and read lamentations of women like you, either in toxic marriage or in failed marriage, before you choose guy, who will respect you as woman and not your unrealistic desires that would put you in marriage crises.

What you are trying to say is that poor/average guys aren't your type and rich guy's are your type. Same way poor/average women aren't rich guys spec. My sister, shillow 2033 is your name🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Evaress:
Dating is not just for everyone or why can't God grant me my own heart desire?

God has sent you many of your real heart desire, but u have used your lust, social media influenced standards and superficial criteria to disqualify him..

95% of women i see with successful relationship or marriages often say the same statement, “I never liked him before cos he wasn’t my spec, but later I saw he was kind, patient and genuine, and later fell for the person inside”

Perhaps all your criteria in a man is superficial you dont try to get to know them beyond the surface
and its not just you….. men will tell you there are no good girls anymore, but the truth is they are only looking for big yansh and chest..

but when we humans get to know pple beyond the surface, we find out what we call spec is largely a truck load of nonsense that denied us from meeting good pple

Of course some pple find their superficial, lust-driven spec that also like them in return for their surface qualities ….So good luck in your search

Evaress:
It feels like the people who are drawn to me aren’t the ones I’m drawn to. I don’t feel a connection, and I can’t fake it.

Meanwhile, the people I genuinely like don’t seem to feel the same way about me.

Then I get blamed for being single, like I’m the problem for saying no.

But should I force feelings that aren’t there? I’ve tried, and it doesn’t work.

I just wish it was easier to find someone who feels the same way I do.

I want the feelings to be mutual on both sides not one-sided love.

I don't even need the man to be as handsome as brad pitt or as rich as Elon musk. There is this certain type of appeal that i find attractive in a Guy which most guys don't have.

Because starting a relationship is expensive.

Na because you be woman. Na una way naaaaaaaaah!

You attract your kind. There's no llies about that. Show me your friend and I'll show you who you are was not formed by mistake my dear. Many women live in fantasies, that's the problem they have


https://www.tiktok.com/video/7553103102446931231

it is not just You, you only pray for what you dont have

Hold on…I’m coming to drop comments.

Don't worry, when you reach 40 you'll like all of them. Just be patient

Evaress:
It feels like the people who are drawn to me aren’t the ones I’m drawn to. I don’t feel a connection, and I can’t fake it.

Meanwhile, the people I genuinely like don’t seem to feel the same way about me.

Then I get blamed for being single, like I’m the problem for saying no.

But should I force feelings that aren’t there? I’ve tried, and it doesn’t work.

I just wish it was easier to find someone who feels the same way I do.

I want the feelings to be mutual on both sides not one-sided love.

I don't even need the man to be as handsome as brad pitt or as rich as Elon musk. There is this certain type of appeal that i find attractive in a Guy which most guys don't have.

As a man, lemme give you this advise. Anytime you see a man you're attracted to, be the first to engage him in conversation, pick his brain, just for you to know, if he has value, and to know if he is vain.

If he has value, then you let him know you have value too. Don't be the first to start talking about love or relationships, let him be the first. Trust me, when he sees that value, he will def be interested, it's that simple.

Evaress:
It feels like the people who are drawn to me aren’t the ones I’m drawn to. I don’t feel a connection, and I can’t fake it.

Meanwhile, the people I genuinely like don’t seem to feel the same way about me.

Then I get blamed for being single, like I’m the problem for saying no.

But should I force feelings that aren’t there? I’ve tried, and it doesn’t work.

I just wish it was easier to find someone who feels the same way I do.

I want the feelings to be mutual on both sides not one-sided love.

I don't even need the man to be as handsome as brad pitt or as rich as Elon musk. There is this certain type of appeal that i find attractive in a Guy which most guys don't have.

You are still a kid.
When you grow, you will understand life better.

That's one funny about life. Meanwhile, you set standards for yourself and you have certain specifications you expect in you man. But your kind of man also have their own standard and that's why they may never look at you twice.

My advice, accept and build the one you have currently if he meets certain characteristics of a man that knows where he is heading in life. Otherwise, your prayer point in Shiloh go really long and 95% go be make God give you any man

It's impossible to have it 50:50 one person will always like the other more.

Psarmmiehbam:
That's one funny about life. Meanwhile, you set standards for yourself and you have certain specifications you expect in you man. But your kind of man also have their own standard and that's why they may never look at you twice.

My advice, accept and build the one you have currently if he meets certain characteristics of a man that knows where he is heading in life. Otherwise, your prayer point in Shiloh go really long and 95% go be make God give you any man

Well said.

Standards are high and it takes years of discipline to maintain the. Most boys just want to hit it and move on and we know this ever since girls entered puberty. Only parents and girls with brothers can relate to this. When you see the adults some people become, you will then understand what they mean by raising up a child to become a proper adult. I am talking about a good girl here. Good girls are not easy to raise and a lot of men are not serious with their lives. Ask men out there who have children and you'll understand what I mean. The way they raise their girl child, they are not raising her for one guy who is NFA to come and spoil her life.


The way people today treat sex, her standards cannot be much higher than before. Read the comments of the boys here on NL. After spoiling the life of another man's daughter, they still want a pure woman to marry. You even see them talking about single moms as used and condemn. They don't take them seriously. Why? Because another man has been there before. If a man gets an olosho pregnant, they insult him for wifing a community borehole wey other men de take enjoy themsleves. Can you see how they reason? I don't need to argue with them but read between the lines. Premarital sex is not good for you ladies. Life doesn't judge the man the way it judges women when it comes to sex. We are not equal. Do not be deceived. Your value is in your virginity. Check out the meaning of the word

noun. a person who has never had sexual intercourse. an unmarried girl or woman.

The only thing that is worth the effort for men is the unconqured woman and he has to pay the price for it. If he has you cheap without doing the rituals, you go ask what are we now tire. Una think say all those traditions are for fun shey? Check history and all societies, why did they preserve the women so much until marriage? It's not even about religion now. Women are the second creators of earth, if them mine that place anyhow, na disaster. Mine am well and all the gold and diamond go flow well.


https://www.tiktok.com/video/7644699735466544397


Edit: even women who are secondary virgins, serious men are carefully listening to you on how you see sex. If they see you are easy to get into, you make them doubt whether they can have you at home without problems. Men know what they are doing, don't mind them. That your bottom is the goal and we know. Ignore our double standards.

SixSeven:
Marriage Is Not an Achievement But Responsibility Is
Many young people now reject marriage as a measure of success, and they are not wrong. Marriage by itself is not an achievement but it is a social structure. Now let me educate them a bit, what deserves closer attention is not your rejection of the idea of marriage, but the growing discomfort with responsibility that often accompanies it.

In African philosophy, a human being is measured largely by character. Achievement lies in the ability to act with restraint, care, and accountability. Marriage without these qualities is empty and freedom without them is destructive.

Sex has never been treated as morally neutral in any serious society. This is not because desire is evil and we are not biological people but because sex carries consequences. It creates emotional bonds, social expectations, and the possibility of children. A culture that treats sex as casual while demanding stable outcomes is not enlightened. It is inconsistent with social order and you can see the results today. One guy is always writing on his posts here on NL that the only advice he has for men is to conduct DNA.

For women, sexual fidelity was historically preserved to protect clear lines of responsibility but the ones who think they have opened eyes said it was for control. In a world without DNA testing, fidelity ensured that motherhood, paternity, and inheritance were socially legible. It allowed men to be held accountable and children to know where they belonged. Sexual norms were less about purity and more about responsibility. This did not mean women alone bore moral burden. Female sexual discipline made sense only in societies that demanded male duty in return. When restraint was expected of women but responsibility was optional for men, the moral logic broke.

Motherhood, like fatherhood, is more than biology. To bring life into the world is to accept obligation. The woman who nurtures, guides, and forms character performs one of the most demanding social roles that exists. A society that dismisses this labor while celebrating autonomy misunderstands freedom.
The family unit matters not just because it is traditional, but because it works. It is the foundation to society. It is the first place where limits are learned, where care becomes habitual, and where responsibility becomes personal. When family structures weaken, the cost of this weakness does not go away as people think it will fizzle out. It reappears in institutions asked to do what homes once did. There was a reason we said a community raises a child and why our proverbs talk about family and lineage. For so many years, the West tried to break our hegemony, they wanted us to leave our values and ethics and be like them while secretly admiring our foundation and structure. Thank God many people have japa now, they can now see the difference between oyinbo life and our society where each child is everyone's child but unfortunately when they go back home, alas even the people back home want to be like the oyinbo man without knowing it's a sad life disconnected from our roots as a people.

Young people are not wrong to question marriage. They are right to question hollow traditions. What must be reconsidered is not marriage as a trophy, but responsibility as a value.


Sexual freedom without accountability is not progress. Fidelity without mutual obligation is not justice.

I am happy this generation is sleeping anyhow and anywhere with anyone they like. When the chicken comes home to roost, you will then appreciate the wisdom of your forefathers and mothers in preserving the institution called marriage and why society needs order, accountability and responsibility. It is what we call you go see for yourself. When you are young you question many things but with age you start to understand many things too. Your parents got married because it was a sign of responsibility. Some people asked why the opinion of a married person was more important than that of an unmarried person. Those who maintained this tradition knew that it takes a special person to live with another wo/man as husband/wife and still be normal. That's why in the past, for politicians, they used to yab themselves if anyone of them had family issues that "you that cannot take care of your home wants to take care of our country".



Marriage is a school.
Freedom is a mirage.
Marriage is not an achievement.
Becoming a responsible adult is.

https://www.tiktok.com/video/7203755082138209582