Nonso23:

Like i said earlier, I trust my 5 senses better than your words.
I see it, I hear it, I believe it. It's no stereotype.
Until i experience otherwise, i will stick to this 'naivety'.

Hahahahahaha. Oh dear. Ignorance is bliss. If it helps you sleep well at night and drives stroke away to be this ignorant, No problem o.

Nonso23:

At least you get to keep standards for pruning out the weeds from the plants :p

Loyalty to spouse should supercede any other affliations IDEALLY. It is these kinds of unrealistic expectations that ruin marriages.
He is still a man. The ring doesn't make him a robot. You are still a woman. The ring doesn't make you emotionless. That is where the real work lies. Conditioning the mind to respect the sanctity of marriage while also accepting the frailty of your human resolve. The union should serve to strengthen both their resolves.
It's not necessarily pity -pity is just one tiny part, it's more like confusion. Maybe it takes a man to relate to what i'm saying.
BTW, i'm not excusing infidelity.

I understand we must not eliminate human weakness especially in marriage, but that means both parties should talk about impending dangers to their union Before and not after the cat has been committed.
So there's a hot woman who wants you, and you're tempted to succumb. Why not tell your wife if you really don't want to cheat and hurt her, rather than falling and seeking help way after you've eaten the apple?

We're trying to respect the sanctity of a union here. Unless of course said man has no regards for his vows?

damiso:


Not confrontational talking to her (leave my husband alone or else ish) per se but more like including your wife in your interactions with Said person.if she calls when you are together you can give the phone to your wife to say 'oh he is busy can i take a message' who is speaking oh Lara I have heard so much about you ' tell her you can't come to her house as you and your wife have an outing except she won't mind you bringing your wife with you things like that.try to limit your interaction with the person.flee from all appearances of evil.

But that said not everyone has that kain temperament.I can but I know loads of people who will go down the leave my husband alone route.

Appreciate the bolded. Not every woman will be gentle with a potential homebreaker who consistently refused to back off.

Nonso23:

Everything you stated above i have at one point or the other stated same on this thread.
I absolutely recommend communication before the 'act'. But the question posed was:
After the act, you don't want a divorce and want to work on the union. Same goes for him. What next?
Do you leave him to go through the transition alone or help out anyway you can?

Well then, if he needs help I'm sure we'll find a way to get him out of the fix he's gotten into (something he managed quite well on his own ). Far be it from me to deny my spouse limited help.
But I'm sure as hell not going to yell at another woman for any reason whatsoever.

That said, I hope he knows the best his wife can do is offer him emotional support. The bulk of the task still falls on him.

Nonso23:

We are on the same page. The bulk of the work rests upon him afterall he's the one who needs to work out how to earn the wife's trust again.
I don't think he'd request you to yell at the 'other woman'. It's not necessary.
The most important thing is realizing that it's a union. If you want in, it's all in; out and it's all out. No sitting on the fence.
That has been my stance.

Right. May God keep us away from cheating spouses though.

Confront a mistress? What if she overpowers me, lays me across her laps and gives my bare bottom the smack of its life?

Tufiakwa

PS if she steps foot into my house...then na die she want

aisha2:



Do you think I reported immediately he started calling me? It took me months to say it out because I assumed just telling him off will do it.

Stalkers are not normal people they are sick people with a twisted version of reality what works with normal people does not work with them.

Stalkers are not normal chasers, stalkers are mentally ill so ignoring their calls will only make them feel you want them but you are playing hard to get. Infact when I started shouting for help people assumed I was exaggerating till I gave someone my phone for the night who thought he could ward off the stalker for where?

Please read up on stalkers explaining to you may not make sense if you havent been a victim or known someone who was

Honestly, those people their wahala no be here o. And the worst part is that they have absolutely no idea that their behaviour is a symptom of mental illness, they think up irrational self serving explanations and they create all sort of justifications in their messed up minds to continue. @topic; I don't know if it's just me but the moment I find out my spouse is cheating all the love I have for him will die instantly. I'm not even sure I can ever care enough about him to contemplate confronting his mistress. She can continue sleeping with his worthless asss for all I care.

Billyonaire:
Chei, Mrs, please educate the son of man oh. So I can be watching my wife oh. But wahala be say, she is 6-7 hrs flight away from Lagos oh. How I go take dey monitor am sef.

Na him be say, another he-goat dey shine her kongo for u, make the thing no go rust.

pickabeau1:

All i see here na voking...
Can you be more specific

Maybe hire thugs to bathe her in acid. It's been done before.


I have to say that I cannot imagine confronting another woman about my man to the point of physically assaulting her. I have seen situations were women have called the other woman on the phone and scheduled a time to discuss, I have seen what happens when a woman calls a mistress in a rage and ends up insulted and I would personally not do either. I honestly believe the best way to fix it is in house.
Nashville I see where you're coming from and God forbid you strayed would you want your wife to put herself in a potentially life threatening situation. Would you want to risk her being stripped naked and videotaped all over a mistake you made? Even if she forgives you for the cheating, she would likely never forgive you for her naked body on every neighborhood child's cellphone

[img]http://1.bp..com/-t9qa9j9BnBg/UszPRJ9h_aI/AAAAAAAAAFQ/rYtwZKIHS7U/s600/photo+1.PNG[/img]

[img]http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/54986688.jpg[/img]

.

soulglo:


Maybe hire thugs to bathe her in acid. It's been done before.


I have to say that I cannot imagine confronting another woman about my man to the point of physically assaulting her. I have seen situations were women have called the other woman on the phone and scheduled a time to discuss, I have seen what happens when a woman calls a mistress in a rage and ends up insulted and I would personally not do either. I honestly believe the best way to fix it is in house.
Nashville I see where you're coming from and God forbid you strayed would you want your wife to put herself in a potentially life threatening situation. Would you want to risk her being stripped naked and videotaped all over a mistake you made? Even if she forgives you for the cheating, she would likely never forgive you for her naked body on every neighborhood child's cellphone

Will you hire thugs to pour acid hypothetically

ferhyntorlah:
@Aisha2, I love reading your posts

@sheunfemix, I love the part you said "lucky him" for choosing you. You have a high dose of self esteem n confidence. Were it to be another lady, she would consider herself lucky. I like ladies like you; you no SEND anybody!

@Everbody, una well done oh!

thank u o my sister

moca:

Abeg leave nash alone
He is tired
Tomorrow, he wont bring this type of topic up again

You ladies obviously had alot of fun yesterday. I expected your responses because I had noticed the trend. And I quite agree you dont want to start fighting every girl you see with your husband.

My point though is that these young girls need to be taught that it is not ok to date a married man. In fact it has consequences and sometimes I wish they bear the consequences of dating married men and ruining another woman's marriage. It is wrong to date married men; the girl is no better than the married man in my view as they are both cheating.

We all talk about the law of karma, but hey it doesnt always work. Some of these aristo girls end up marrying very good men that will never cheat on them. And some good girls who never cheated would end up with bad guys. So I wouldnt go the karma route. But I think there has to be a way to teach those girls a lesson. Men sometimes are the hunted now.

For the married men that cheat, they should also be punished with stiffer divorce laws that ensure women get a fare share of a man's wealth where infidelity is involved. But I think one of the ways of reducing cases of infidelity is by punishing people. I have focused on married men cheating with single girls; it does not mean that married women don't cheat but I do not want to discuss that.

Nashville:


You ladies obviously had alot of fun yesterday. I expected your responses because I had noticed the trend. And I quite agree you dont want to start fighting every girl you see with your husband.

My point though is that these young girls need to be taught that it is not ok to date a married man. In fact it has consequences and sometimes I wish they bear the consequences of dating married men and ruining another woman's marriage. It is wrong to date married men; the girl is no better than the married man in my view as they are both cheating.

We all talk about the law of karma, but hey it doesnt always work. Some of these aristo girls end up marrying very good men that will never cheat on them. And some good girls who never cheated would end up with bad guys. So I wouldnt go the karma route. But I think there has to be a way to teach those girls a lesson. Men sometimes are the hunted now.

For the married men that cheat, they should also be punished with stiffer divorce laws that ensure women get a fare share of a man's wealth where infidelity is involved. But I think one of the ways of reducing cases of infidelity is by punishing people. I have focused on married men cheating with single girls; it does not mean that married women don't cheat but I do not want to discuss that.

Everyone wish these girls be taught a lesson, but who is going to bell the cat? The wife? That a NO NO, Nash. Her only goal is to do whatever it is in her power to save her marriage if she is still interested but punishing the other woman shouldn't be her objective as much as she would love to see the other woman get punished. I guess it's this state of helplessness that make most married women console themselves with this Karma theory just that it doesn't always work that way like you said.

When people say life can be very unfair, this is part of it IMO.

Nashville:


You ladies obviously had alot of fun yesterday. I expected your responses because I had noticed the trend. And I quite agree you dont want to start fighting every girl you see with your husband.

My point though is that these young girls need to be taught that it is not ok to date a married man. In fact it has consequences and sometimes I wish they bear the consequences of dating married men and ruining another woman's marriage. It is wrong to date married men; the girl is no better than the married man in my view as they are both cheating.

We all talk about the law of karma, but hey it doesnt always work. Some of these aristo girls end up marrying very good men that will never cheat on them. And some good girls who never cheated would end up with bad guys. So I wouldnt go the karma route. But I think there has to be a way to teach those girls a lesson. Men sometimes are the hunted now.

For the married men that cheat, they should also be punished with stiffer divorce laws that ensure women get a fare share of a man's wealth where infidelity is involved. But I think one of the ways of reducing cases of infidelity is by punishing people. I have focused on married men cheating with single girls; it does not mean that married women don't cheat but I do not want to discuss that.

Nash, oh, u r still alive?
I tot u were murdered and buried yesterday

I get u very well and at times i feel d same way too if i hear or see such but most times d odds r always against d wifey thats why some threads carefully now.
As u dont know whats on d other end, u cant just sacrifice ur life,ur children or dignity fighting a lost case.
For a man to even think of going outside, perfecting it,in my dictionary is already a lost battle.
Rather, i will be busy thinking of my perfect escape(with kids) and big fat account than going to fight one babe that might end up knocking my teeth off.

This is simply what most ladies here r saying.
Thats d logic. Nothing more. Some fights r not worth it. This is one of such fights.

So long as I dont catch her in my house or anywhere near my children
My "gentleman no reach that one

. . . .But anything else, I am not risking damaging my nails

Mr Nashville,
Many women have gone down the confrontation route and it just didn't work.The disgrace,the loss of self esteem,tearing clothes and hair pulling.We jet age chicks are not going to risk it.
Imagine a high class career woman fighting on the street with some babe cos of husband?It's a huge dent on a persons public image.
Its not worth it especially with all these people videoing stuff and putting up on YouTube.

How will I be able to explain scratches on my face and why I'm suddenly bald?
Those days are long gone.

chaircover:
So long as I dont catch her in my house or anywhere near my children
My "gentleman no reach that one
. . . .But anything else, I am not risking damaging my nails

Person wey enter ya house na trespasser, and tresspassers can be shot in some states . If person carry wahala come ya house na she sabi.

Nashville:

You ladies obviously had alot of fun yesterday. I expected your responses because I had noticed the trend. And I quite agree you dont want to start fighting every girl you see with your husband.
My point though is that these young girls need to be taught that it is not ok to date a married man. In fact it has consequences and sometimes I wish they bear the consequences of dating married men and ruining another woman's marriage. It is wrong to date married men; the girl is no better than the married man in my view as they are both cheating.
We all talk about the law of karma, but hey it doesnt always work. Some of these aristo girls end up marrying very good men that will never cheat on them. And some good girls who never cheated would end up with bad guys. So I wouldnt go the karma route. But I think there has to be a way to teach those girls a lesson. Men sometimes are the hunted now.
For the married men that cheat, they should also be punished with stiffer divorce laws that ensure women get a fare share of a man's wealth where infidelity is involved. But I think one of the ways of reducing cases of infidelity is by punishing people. I have focused on married men cheating with single girls; it does not mean that married women don't cheat but I do not want to discuss that.

Ok Nashville. Despite my wahala sometimes I believe marriage should be protected. Here is a good suggestion below

Here in North Carolina there are laws that give the wife rights to sue her husband's mistress even the mother-in-law for alienation of affection. It is a good read and should be implemented in Nigeria.

https://www.rosen.com/divorce/divorcearticles/alienation-of-affection-and-criminal-conversation/

Excerpt:

Infidelity & Alienation of Affection

An outsider’s interference with marriage can cost the outsider big bucks in North Carolina. Fairly high-dollar awards in such cases have existed here for a number of years, a fact not generally known. As long ago as 1926, for instance, a jury in Macon County rendered a verdict in the amount of $12,000 against the lover of plaintiff’s wife. A 1931 jury in Forsyth County held against a plaintiff’s wife’s father-in-law for $38,000. A Rowan County jury awarded $30,000 against a husband’s girlfriend in 1969. In 1982, our Court of Appeals affirmed a jury verdict in the amount of $25,000 in compensatory damages and another $25,000 in punitive damages.

In the 1990’s, North Carolina juries were even more generous. A 1990 Forsyth County jury award of $300,000 in punitive damages for alienation was sustained on appeal, even though the court struck the compensatory award for $200,000. In 1997 alone, a jury handed down $1.2 million against a female paramour in Forsyth County, awarded another jilted wife $1 million in Alamance County and a deceived husband $243,000 in Wake County. In late 1999, a judge in Durham County valued compensatory damages in a case brought by a husband against his wife’s lover at less than $3,000 in compensatory damages but the judge still awarded $40,000 in punitive damages on the criminal conversation claim.

Even in the last 15 years, the trend of generosity has continued. In August of 2000, a Burke County judge awarded a devastated wife $86,250 for alienation of affection and $15,000 for criminal conversation, totaling $101,250. In May of 2001, in Richmond County, the jury answered the issues of NC alienation of affection and criminal conversation in favor of the scorned husband and awarded him compensatory damages of $50,000 plus punitive damages of $50,000. Another distraught husband, in Mecklenburg County, received an award of $1.4 million in May, 2001 comprised of $910,000 in compensatory damages and $500,000 in punitive damages. The jury found the doctor who had had an affair with this man’s wife liable for both alienation of affection and criminal conversation. After an appeal the original award of compensatory damages was reversed, the punitive damages award, however, was upheld. In 2007, a Cook County judge ordered a man to pay $4802 to a husband who was grieving the loss of his wife after an affair.

In 2009 a woman was awarded a nine million dollar verdict after she won a suit against her husband’s mistress, and in 2011 another plaintiff was awarded a thirty million dollar verdict in an NC alienation of affection suit.

This claim will also survive even if you cannot prove that the mistress was the one in fact doing the “luring,” and it was your spouse who initiated contact and pursued her. You have a claim if you can prove that the person you are suing was an active participant, initiated, or encouraged the affair.

What makes this tort different from criminal conversation, which we discuss below, is that an alienation of affection claim can survive even if there is no evidence of sexual intercourse. Some law professor-types call this the “mother-in-lawsuit” exception. Very witty.

That’s right, if your mother-in-law played an active role in your loss of affection from your spouse, and you can prove she did so maliciously, you could probably sue her for alienation of affection. Liability hinges on whether the family member’s conduct arose from malice or other improper motive.

Although this tort has been widely abolished and is only recognized in a handful of states today, it is alive and well in North Carolina; roughly 200 alienation of affection suits are filed each year here.

Stillfire there was also a case here where a man also sued a catholic priest and the catholic Church for having an affair with his wife and ruining his marriage