₦airaland Forum

Celebrimbor:
SECONDED

Thanks

freecocoa:
Okay to the happily married men, I ask,

Who decides what the family should eat? Like do you tell your wife what to cook? Or do you just go with whatever she serves? Do you cook?

Me? I'm very bad with this one o; at least that's what my wife thinks. When the question pops up, my answer is usually "anything is fine". I'm not so crazy about food, so I let her make the choice. Sometimes she prods me endlessly trying to find out what I would like, and occasionally I make requests when I feel like eating something I haven't had in a while. But by and large, she decides what we eat.

She derives a lot of joy from cooking for the family though, and my six pack has suffered for it. I'm now down to like two pack. Started a no-dinner diet which she has finally consented to.

bellong:
Enumerate what you intend to learn.

Ask questions you want them to answer.

This topic is basically to encourage happily married men to comment more in the family section. Not just in this thread

dabossman:
Me? I'm very bad with this one o; at least that's what my wife thinks. When the question pops up, my answer is usually "anything is fine". I'm not so crazy about food, so I let her make the choice. Sometimes she prods me endlessly trying to find out what I would like, and occasionally I make requests when I feel like eating something I haven't had in a while. But by and large, she decides what we eat.

She derives a lot of joy from cooking for the family though, and my six pack has suffered for it. I'm now down to like two pack. Started a no-dinner diet which she has finally consented to.

Lol @ two pack. That's good, seems most men don't cook.

Chrisbenogor:
1&3
I do most of the talking, she does most of the laughing. The final decision rests with me, I am not fussy and would only step in when I think it is needed. I think it helps a lot that we are both not fussy people, plus silent treatment is a total no no. Everything is on the table to be discussed and deliberated as much as possible without judgement or residual memories.

2 finances
Me the CEO she the financial manager. With the game plan of the family marshaled out by us she is the primary driver, she does almost all the spending I review at the end of the month. Where the plan is not working she gets action items to drive that cost element better. I love its model as it gets her more involved. The main reserves remain with me, she keeps whatever she saves. (Which is mostly my petrol money that I have to make applications to get )

4 romance
Constant flux, still spontaneous we never rissshhhh to dey mark calendar for the sontin.

5. Family
Extended ke! To ya tent o isreal!

Just seeing this lol @ application for petrol money.
We run similar financial models. I am the one who breaks every crazy idea into naira and kobo and na there the matter dey die most times lol. Before I would argue and argue but now when idea comes I say lovely then i do a budget and na him go scream say leave that matter abeg lol.

Finances are very important once a couple finds a way to balance their different experiences and financial ideologies and backgrounds they have solved possibly half of the marital squabbles.

Let me go think of some more questions and return

More questions :

1. Who does discipline for the kids? Is it a joint effort or is there the good cop bad cop arrangement?

2. Describe the most romantic thing you have ever done for madam and what you consider the most romantic thing she has ever done for you

3. What is it that makes you want to come home everyday despite distraction and temptation out there.

4. What role does faith play in your marriage? Are tou religious? Non religious? Religious but practical? Is your spouse on the same wavelength? If not how do you balance?

5. In the early years what was one area that caused friction!? As head of the home how did you work to manage the situation?

freecocoa:
Lol @ two pack. That's good, seems most men don't cook.

Actually I do. My wife is a better cook though. But anytime we are having some specific dishes, I get to cook them, cos my wife says mine tastes better than hers. Otherwise, in her own words, "what I cook is poison". She decides what we eat though.

EfemenaXY:
So medical reasons are the only reasons why a man should understand why the wife may not want more kids?

So if the man wants a dozen kids, as a submissive and dutiful wife, she must comply?

Where does finance fit in? Or her pursuing a career for herself after birthing two kids in five years?

This is why it is very pertinent that issues such as, how many kids, should be discussed between the two prior to entering into matrimonial relationship. But only a foolish man would want to have more kids than he can be able to provide for in this day and age. I don't know what to say about the woman that married such a man. The fact now is that they are married, and to avoid any lasting discord in the union, communication becomes more paramount here. The onus will be on the woman to convince the man why she thinks it best to wait for now. Smart women know how to do this. Not smart to start taking birth control pills behind his back.

freecocoa:
Lol @ two pack. That's good, seems most men don't cook.

I do cook. I grew up in a home where we are all boys and mom worked, so we learnt to cook. I cook when the missus is not at home. There was a time she was working at a job where she used to get home late and I always made dinner. She wasn't too happy about it though. When she is at home, "her kitchen" is off limits to me. Not my choice, but hers.

oluwaseunla:
Actually I do. My wife is a better cook though. But anytime we are having some specific dishes, I get to cook them, cos my wife says mine tastes better than hers. Otherwise, in her own words, "what I cook is poison". She decides what we eat though.

Thats lovely, guess I'm just looking for a man who will say his food tastes better than his wife's.

dabossman:
I do cook. I grew up in a home where we are all boys and mom worked, so we learnt to cook. I cook when the missus is not at home. There was a time she was working at a job where she used to get home late and I always made dinner. She wasn't too happy about it though. When she is at home, "her kitchen" is off limits to me. Not my choice, but hers.

If only we had more men like you who don't see kitchen work as taboo, especially when there's a woman in the picture.

bellong:
A detailed explanation would be welcomed. The hard work in real sense is not hard work.

Exactly. When we use the term "hardwork" we are not saying it is tedious. What people mean is that you have to make a conscious effort to keep your marriage happy. Every form of success in life requires hardwork to sustain it. Even the job that you enjoy doing still requires hardwork to attain success and sustain it. Lionel Messi and Ronaldo are two of the best footballers around today, but they still work hard every day at maintaining that standard. If they were to just sit around like couch potatoes relying on their skills, they would soon become redundant.

Its the same thing in marriage. You have to constantly make a conscious effort to make it work. It won't do so on auto-drive. Love, sacrifice, understanding, selflessness, sacrifice and many of the other things that make marriage work are a choice. Both parties must choose to exhibit these qualities. That is the hardwork.

Besides, hardwork is not a bad thing. It is essential to life.

pickabeau1:
I'm observing the dynamics of this thread so far

And it seems the blame for bad relationship has been subtly shifted to the men because the 'good men' have not stepped up to mentor the followers.

Interesting........


For a forum section most posters do not believe in male headship of the home, I wonder why these men are th cause of bad marriages.
What you should advocate is how to make the fuzzy partnership you lot espouse here practicable.


People should be consistent here

When LewsTherin spoke of communication and said all the right things he was feted.

Suddenly in the case of birth control and the fact that the woman may need to accede to the mans wishes If the issue persists.... His advice is not politically correct anymore.....few posts later...


What is the purpose of your thread OP

You just want a roll call of men to satisfy what exactly?

Both parties are needed to make a successful marriage
Making it about one person is myopic

Tell me where in my post I said men are the cause of bad marriages? Please I am not here to win arguments or engage in gender war. I am just encouraging happily men men to speak out more in the family section.
If you read my original post, you will realise the purpose of the thread. The aim of the thread is to encourage happily married men to comment more in the family section. In the original posts, I also made it clear why I am calling out the happily married men only. Every persons input is important in this section but the married men are underrepresented. The post LewsTherin replied to was a derailment of this thread( not his fault though). That was not the aim of the thread and these sort of bias you are trying to create is not nice. Yes both parties are needed to make a successful and happy marriage.

I don't know if polygamist can sign in here....

babygirlfl:
Tell me where in my post I said men are the cause of bad marriages? Please I am not here to win arguments or engage in gender war. I am just encouraging happily men men to speak out more in the family section.
If you read my original post, you will realise the purpose of the thread. The aim of the thread is to encourage happily married men to comment more in the family section. In the original posts, I also made it clear why I am calling out the happily married men only. Every persons input is important in this section but the married men are underrepresented. The post LewsTherin replied to was a derailment of this thread . That was not the aim of the thread and these sort of bias you are trying to create is not nice. Yes both parties are needed to make a successful and happy marriage.

Your premise is faulty ab initio
Are you the judge that will determine an anonymous poster has a happy marriage

Anyone can write anything
After all its anonymous and online


Men comment
But you women use mob mentality to silence them and they have moved on

This thread is an example.

Not shortly after you opened it..some posters have camped here and the same arguments ensued

As I noted...lewstherin did not derail but was clear
The woman has no right to embark on such a crucial decision without involving her hubby.

That was not attractive unlike his first post

No one said anything about it..
No clapping
No seal of endorsement as it were...


When females here don't gang up on people or make fun of them...you will get more participation not only here but everywhere.



Before I go I will ask you one question

What do you think of a man being the head of the family.

Answer plainly please

pickabeau1:
Your premise is faulty ab initio
Are you the judge that will determine an anonymous poster has a happy marriage

Anyone can write anything
After all its anonymous and online


Men comment
But you women use mob mentality to silence them and they have moved on

This thread is an example.

Not shortly after you opened it..some posters have camped here and the same arguments ensued

As I noted...lewstherin did not derail but was clear
The woman has no right to embark on such a crucial decision without involving her hubby.

That was not attractive unlike his first post

No one said anything about it..
No clapping
No seal of endorsement as it were...


When females here don't gang up on people or make fun of them...you will get more participation not only here but everywhere.



Before I go I will ask you one question

What do you think of a man being the head of the family.

Answer plainly please

I am only replying to make this clear. I never said Lewstherin derailed the thread. I said he replied to people derailing the thread. As for your question, answering it will be derailing this thread. Create a topic for that please.

Typical

But i will humour you

https://www.nairaland.com/1985775/views-headship-family

babygirlfl:
I am only replying to make this clear. I never said Lewstherin derailed the thread. I said he replied to people derailing the thread. As for your question, answering it will be derailing this thread. Create a topic for that please.

aisha2:
More questions :

1. Who does discipline for the kids? Is it a joint effort or is there the good cop bad cop arrangement?

Discipline is done by both depending on the offense and circumstances prevalent at the time. She does occasionally reports the young man when she couldn't withstand the emotions of talking to him. One thing is, whoever is talking to him to behave, the other party will not restrict nor complain. We don't beat him though. Only little spanking on his buttock when he is getting out of hand.


2. Describe the most romantic thing you have ever done for madam and what you consider the most romantic thing she has ever done for you

I will be lazy to describe details here but I do romantic stuffs daily. Definition of romantic gestures may differ but doing what pleases your wife daily to me is a romantic thing.
We do take time out for getaways. I do help her with chores daily without her asking except for cooking. I hate the kitchen with passion probably because my mum forced me to learn how to cook.

Surprise gifts when she least expects and what she needs at the right time.

I am sorry for not being able to give details, I don't keep memories of some things.

3. What is it that makes you want to come home everyday despite distraction and temptation out there.


I have a listening and responsible wife who is a friend at home. Getting to see a friend everyday is something everybody looks forward to and the fact that you are at peace there wouldn't be need for dealing with unnecessary issues and nagging. There is peace at home everyday, why won't you come home?
If I could ward off temptation before marriage, I believe I am capable by His grace to deal with all temptations.

4. What role does faith play in your marriage? Are tou religious? Non religious? Religious but practical? Is your spouse on the same wavelength? If not how do you balance?

Faith is the foundation of our union and our faith in God has helped in winning some long term battles. I will not count myself as being religious but practical. She is on the same wavelength with me as regards to conviction of faith. Can two walk together except they agree?


5. In the early years what was one area that caused friction!? As head of the home how did you work to manage the situation?

Maybe I am lucky, maybe we were doing the right thing, our first two years were without any real or serious frictions except for a day and I was the cause unconsciously. I took a joke too far.

However, communication is one of the strong assets we have. And we communicate to find a lasting solution to issues not fault finding. Issues are always addressed without sowing seed of bitterness.

I must add, that I am blessed with a patient spirit and I have a very high level of tolerance. Like I do say, there's nobody I can't live with even the devil. I have developed skills in dealing with people and how to know when to use a long spoon.

Could have written more on all the questions but I am the lazy to type person and I am on mobile. Apologies.

bellong:
Discipline is done by both depending on the offense and circumstances prevalent at the time. She does occasionally reports the young man when she couldn't withstand the emotions of talking to him. One thing is, whoever is talking to him to behave, the other party will not restrict nor complain. We don't beat him though. Only little spanking on his buttock when he is getting out of hand.

2. Describe the most romantic thing you have ever done for madam and what you consider the most romantic thing she has ever done for you
I will be lazy to describe details here but I do romantic stuffs daily. Definition of romantic gestures may differ but doing what pleases your wife daily to me is a romantic thing.
We do take time out for getaways. I do help her with chores daily without her asking except for cooking. I hate the kitchen with passion probably because my mum forced me to learn how to cook.
Surprise gifts when she least expects and what she needs at the right time.
I am sorry for not being able to give details, I don't keep memories of some things.
3. What is it that makes you want to come home everyday despite distraction and temptation out there.

I have a listening and responsible wife who is a friend at home. Getting to see a friend everyday is something everybody looks forward to and the fact that you are at peace there wouldn't be need for dealing with unnecessary issues and nagging. There is peace at home everyday, why won't you come home?
If I could ward off temptation before marriage, I believe I am capable by His grace to deal with all temptations.
4. What role does faith play in your marriage? Are tou religious? Non religious? Religious but practical? Is your spouse on the same wavelength? If not how do you balance?
Faith is the foundation of our union and our faith in God has helped in winning some long term battles. I will not count myself as being religious but practical. She is on the same wavelength with me as regards to conviction of faith. Can two walk together except they agree?

5. In the early years what was one area that caused friction!? As head of the home how did you work to manage the situation?
Maybe I am lucky, maybe we were doing the right thing, our first two years were without any real or serious frictions except for a day and I was the cause unconsciously. I took a joke too far.
However, communication is one of the strong assets we have. And we communicate to find a lasting solution to issues not fault finding. Issues are always addressed without sowing seed of bitterness.
I must add, that I am blessed with a patient spirit and I have a very high level of tolerance. Like I do say, there's nobody I can't live with even the devil. I have developed skills in dealing with people and how to know when to use a long spoon.
Could have written more on all the questions but I am the lazy to type person and I am on mobile. Apologies.

Thank you jare you ou wrote plenty.
I love the qualities you described. We learn and grow every day

bellong:
Discipline is done by both depending on the offense and circumstances prevalent at the time. She does occasionally reports the young man when she couldn't withstand the emotions of talking to him. One thing is, whoever is talking to him to behave, the other party will not restrict nor complain. We don't beat him though. Only little spanking on his buttock when he is getting out of hand.


2. Describe the most romantic thing you have ever done for madam and what you consider the most romantic thing she has ever done for you

I will be lazy to describe details here but I do romantic stuffs daily. Definition of romantic gestures may differ but doing what pleases your wife daily to me is a romantic thing.
We do take time out for getaways. I do help her with chores daily without her asking except for cooking. I hate the kitchen with passion probably because my mum forced me to learn how to cook.

Surprise gifts when she least expects and what she needs at the right time.

I am sorry for not being able to give details, I don't keep memories of some things.

3. What is it that makes you want to come home everyday despite distraction and temptation out there.


I have a listening and responsible wife who is a friend at home. Getting to see a friend everyday is something everybody looks forward to and the fact that you are at peace there wouldn't be need for dealing with unnecessary issues and nagging. There is peace at home everyday, why won't you come home?
If I could ward off temptation before marriage, I believe I am capable by His grace to deal with all temptations.

4. What role does faith play in your marriage? Are tou religious? Non religious? Religious but practical? Is your spouse on the same wavelength? If not how do you balance?

Faith is the foundation of our union and our faith in God has helped in winning some long term battles. I will not count myself as being religious but practical. She is on the same wavelength with me as regards to conviction of faith. Can two walk together except they agree?


5. In the early years what was one area that caused friction!? As head of the home how did you work to manage the situation?

Maybe I am lucky, maybe we were doing the right thing, our first two years were without any real or serious frictions except for a day and I was the cause unconsciously. I took a joke too far.

However, communication is one of the strong assets we have. And we communicate to find a lasting solution to issues not fault finding. Issues are always addressed without sowing seed of bitterness.

I must add, that I am blessed with a patient spirit and I have a very high level of tolerance. Like I do say, there's nobody I can't live with even the devil. I have developed skills in dealing with people and how to know when to use a long spoon.

Could have written more on all the questions but I am the lazy to type person and I am on mobile. Apologies.

Lovely

For the married men in the house, these are some specific questions I want to ask - I'm asking them for the benefit of the ladies reading as I'm already familiar with the most popular replies from among a few of my married male acquaintances.

So here goes:

- Are you the head of your family and does your wife respect your leadership as the head?

- Do you accept that your wife makes any family decisions without your knowledge whether or not it involves her body?

- When there's a difference of opinions, on whom does the final say/decision rest? You or your wife?

- For those of you with wives who have a job that takes her out of the house everyday, who cooks the most? Does your wife come back home to prepare meals or do you do it before she returns?

- Does your wife need/ask your permission before doing anything relating to her own family?

- When it comes to your home, who does the most complaining over things that don't go their way? You or your wife?

These are what I can think of now, I'll be back to ask some more as they come to me.

So here goes:

- Are you the head of your family and does your wife respect your leadership as the head?

Yes I am and she has never contested nor argue it. And I have not turned myself to an emperor nor lord over her.

- Do you accept that your wife makes any family decisions without your knowledge whether or not it involves her body?

Except the decision was urgent and cannot wait for me to hear about it, yes she can. If not, decision must be made with both parties involved. Inasmuch as I wouldn't take a decision without her knowledge, then she wouldn't without informing me.

- When there's a difference of opinions, on whom does the final say/decision rest? You or your wife?


There is no direct answer to this. Life is not black and white. Depending on who it is affecting. If its not going to have a negative impact on me or the boy, I allow her have her way. I am slow in taking major decisions as I tend to think through them contrary to her who is impulsive.

This is how I won her over, in the first year of our marriage, whenever such situation arose, I allowed her have the final say that is after enumerating the possible consequences. 98% of the time, it happened that way and after about three to four occasions, we never have to argue over decisions anymore. And she is now very good in thinking things through before acting.

- For those of you with wives who have a job that takes her out of the house everyday, who cooks the most? Does your wife come back home to prepare meals or do you do it before she returns?

She does the cooking. I can count the number of times I have cooked. The memories of my childhood experiences in the kitchen still haunt me.. I did told her prior to marrying her that there is no chores I won't help her with but she should count me out of cooking. I get food from restaurants for the family on days she can't cook.

- Does your wife need/ask your permission before doing anything relating to her own family?

For this she doesn't need my permission at all because I care less. Although she does inform me. I believe if you have the resources and someone is in genuine need, nobody should be a clog in the wheel of help. After all, her family is my family.

- When it comes to your home, who does the most complaining over things that don't go their way? You or your wife?

I don't understand this question. None of us complains, we address issues and we both make efforts to adjust without complaining. You should know that women like to talk all the time even over an inconsequential matter. If you understand this as part of their genetic makeup, one will not see it as complain but something they can't help but talk. It is when it turns to nagging that one can start complaining.

These are what I can think of now, I'll be back to ask some more as they come to me.

OK....

aisha2:
More questions :

1. Who does discipline for the kids? Is it a joint effort or is there the good cop bad cop arrangement?

2. Describe the most romantic thing you have ever done for madam and what you consider the most romantic thing she has ever done for you

3. What is it that makes you want to come home everyday despite distraction and temptation out there.

4. What role does faith play in your marriage? Are tou religious? Non religious? Religious but practical? Is your spouse on the same wavelength? If not how do you balance?

5. In the early years what was one area that caused friction!? As head of the home how did you work to manage the situation?

1. Discipline is by us both, the children must not get it confused. Any reservation is addressed privately.

2. Don't know which of the romantic things she's done to pick, she's a very thoughtful person, amazes me a lot.
For her, I noticed she seems to really enjoy it when I prepare a full course meal, and have her put her feet up, while I run things at home.

3. Why I want to always come home? Who doesn't want a good thing? She makes me happy, I always want to go back home. As for temptations, I apply the 80/20 rule.

4. Faith? We try to run the family based on biblical principles. I'll say we are religious but practical, because if anything needs done, but is not convenient for the family, we cancel it, except few times when we agree to sacrifice. I'll rather offend my Pastor than make my family sad. My wife and I are on same wavelength on that one. But we try to serve God the best way we can.

5. Area of friction when we just got married? That must be the fact that when something is wrong, she prefers to boil over first before discussing it. So if I ask: What is wrong? She'll say: Nothing. But her body language indicates something is actually wrong. That drove me nuts. I'll think: If she truly loves me, she should be able to tell me anything. So despite knowing something is wrong, I'll refuse to ask her again. Unfortunately, when she's ready to talk, I'll be too pissed to respond well. Our communication was affected, resentment started building, and we slowly pulled apart.
After a few cycles of that, I got to understand that it's just who she is. I called her, we had a long talk. Summary is I decided to be more understanding, while she decided to be a bit more vocal. We are getting even better daily.

bellong:
So here goes:

- Are you the head of your family and does your wife respect your leadership as the head?

Yes I am and she has never contested nor argue it. And I have not turned myself to an emperor nor lord over her.

- Do you accept that your wife makes any family decisions without your knowledge whether or not it involves her body?

Except the decision was urgent and cannot wait for me to hear about it, yes she can. If not, decision must be made with both parties involved. Inasmuch as I wouldn't take a decision without her knowledge, then she wouldn't without informing me.

- When there's a difference of opinions, on whom does the final say/decision rest? You or your wife?


There is no direct answer to this. Life is not black and white. Depending on who it is affecting. If its not going to have a negative impact on me or the boy, I allow her have her way. I am slow in taking major decisions as I tend to think through them contrary to her who is impulsive.

This is how I won her over, in the first year of our marriage, whenever such situation arose, I allowed her have the final say that is after enumerating the possible consequences. 98% of the time, it happened that way and after about three to four occasions, we never have to argue over decisions anymore. And she is now very good in thinking things through before acting.

- For those of you with wives who have a job that takes her out of the house everyday, who cooks the most? Does your wife come back home to prepare meals or do you do it before she returns?

She does the cooking. I can count the number of times I have cooked. The memories of my childhood experiences in the kitchen still haunt me.. I did told her prior to marrying her that there is no chores I won't help her with but she should count me out of cooking. I get food from restaurants for the family on days she can't cook.

- Does your wife need/ask your permission before doing anything relating to her own family?

For this she doesn't need my permission at all because I care less. Although she does inform me. I believe if you have the resources and someone is in genuine need, nobody should be a clog in the wheel of help. After all, her family is my family.

- When it comes to your home, who does the most complaining over things that don't go their way? You or your wife?

I don't understand this question. None of us complains, we address issues and we both make efforts to adjust without complaining. You should know that women like to talk all the time even over an inconsequential matter. If you understand this as part of their genetic makeup, one will not see it as complain but something they can't help but talk. It is when it turns to nagging that one can start complaining.

These are what I can think of now, I'll be back to ask some more as they come to me.

OK....

Another lovely answer

bellong:
So here goes:

- Are you the head of your family and does your wife respect your leadership as the head?

Yes I am and she has never contested nor argue it. And I have not turned myself to an emperor nor lord over her.

- Do you accept that your wife makes any family decisions without your knowledge whether or not it involves her body?

Except the decision was urgent and cannot wait for me to hear about it, yes she can. If not, decision must be made with both parties involved. Inasmuch as I wouldn't take a decision without her knowledge, then she wouldn't without informing me.

- When there's a difference of opinions, on whom does the final say/decision rest? You or your wife?


There is no direct answer to this. Life is not black and white. Depending on who it is affecting. If its not going to have a negative impact on me or the boy, I allow her have her way. I am slow in taking major decisions as I tend to think through them contrary to her who is impulsive.

This is how I won her over, in the first year of our marriage, whenever such situation arose, I allowed her have the final say that is after enumerating the possible consequences. 98% of the time, it happened that way and after about three to four occasions, we never have to argue over decisions anymore. And she is now very good in thinking things through before acting.

- For those of you with wives who have a job that takes her out of the house everyday, who cooks the most? Does your wife come back home to prepare meals or do you do it before she returns?

She does the cooking. I can count the number of times I have cooked. The memories of my childhood experiences in the kitchen still haunt me.. I did told her prior to marrying her that there is no chores I won't help her with but she should count me out of cooking. I get food from restaurants for the family on days she can't cook.

- Does your wife need/ask your permission before doing anything relating to her own family?

For this she doesn't need my permission at all because I care less. Although she does inform me. I believe if you have the resources and someone is in genuine need, nobody should be a clog in the wheel of help. After all, her family is my family.

- When it comes to your home, who does the most complaining over things that don't go their way? You or your wife?

I don't understand this question. None of us complains, we address issues and we both make efforts to adjust without complaining. You should know that women like to talk all the time even over an inconsequential matter. If you understand this as part of their genetic makeup, one will not see it as complain but something they can't help but talk. It is when it turns to nagging that one can start complaining.

These are what I can think of now, I'll be back to ask some more as they come to me.

OK....

@ Bolded:

oluwaseunla:
1. Discipline is by us both, the children must not get it confused. Any reservation is addressed privately.

2. Don't know which of the romantic things she's done to pick, she's a very thoughtful person, amazes me a lot.
For her, I noticed she seems to really enjoy it when I prepare a full course meal, and have her put her feet up, while I run things at home.

3. Why I want to always come home? Who doesn't want a good thing? She makes me happy, I always want to go back home. As for temptations, I apply the 80/20 rule.

4. Faith? We try to run the family based on biblical principles. I'll say we are religious but practical, because if anything needs done, but is not convenient for the family, we cancel it, except few times when we agree to sacrifice. I'll rather offend my Pastor than make my family sad. My wife and I are on same wavelength on that one. But we try to serve God the best way we can.

5. Area of friction when we just got married? That must be the fact that when something is wrong, she prefers to boil over first before discussing it. So if I ask: What is wrong? She'll say: Nothing. But her body language indicates something is actually wrong. That drove me nuts. I'll think: If she truly loves me, she should be able to tell me anything. So despite knowing something is wrong, I'll refuse to ask her again. Unfortunately, when she's ready to talk, I'll be too pissed to respond well. Our communication was affected, resentment started building, and we slowly pulled apart.
After a few cycles of that, I got to understand that it's just who she is. I called her, we had a long talk. Summary is I decided to be more understanding, while she decided to be a bit more vocal. We are getting even better daily.

Speechless. Such a lovely piece

bukatyne:
@ Bolded:

I grew up with a woman and two sisters. Disprove my assertion...

oluwaseunla:
1. Discipline is by us both, the children must not get it confused. Any reservation is addressed privately.
2. Don't know which of the romantic things she's done to pick, she's a very thoughtful person, amazes me a lot.
For her, I noticed she seems to really enjoy it when I prepare a full course meal, and have her put her feet up, while I run things at home.
3. Why I want to always come home? Who doesn't want a good thing? She makes me happy, I always want to go back home. As for temptations, I apply the 80/20 rule.
4. Faith? We try to run the family based on biblical principles. I'll say we are religious but practical, because if anything needs done, but is not convenient for the family, we cancel it, except few times when we agree to sacrifice. I'll rather offend my Pastor than make my family sad. My wife and I are on same wavelength on that one. But we try to serve God the best way we can.
5. Area of friction when we just got married? That must be the fact that when something is wrong, she prefers to boil over first before discussing it. So if I ask: What is wrong? She'll say: Nothing. But her body language indicates something is actually wrong. That drove me nuts. I'll think: If she truly loves me, she should be able to tell me anything. So despite knowing something is wrong, I'll refuse to ask her again. Unfortunately, when she's ready to talk, I'll be too pissed to respond well. Our communication was affected, resentment started building, and we slowly pulled apart.
After a few cycles of that, I got to understand that it's just who she is. I called her, we had a long talk. Summary is I decided to be more understanding, while she decided to be a bit more vocal. We are getting even better daily.

Please can you highlight more on the 80/ 20 rule?

Lol @ the"Nothing" response. I used to do that but my Oga will wear you down, He will ask a hundred times till you answer in frustration lol, una no go sleep till you answer

Barman pickabeau, please do your job!

alutacontinua:
Barman pickabeau, please do your job!

What does barman mean..

I'll comment on a few points.

Who's the head of the family? That goes without saying. Jesus is. But even where she has a good case, she still defers to my decisions.....mostly anyways . But we discuss things thoroughly and where she has a strong enough opinion, I take her advice. However if that advice goes south, I NEVER DO THE I TOLD YOU SO DANCE. I simply pick up and try to salvage whatever can be. My Lady's lady enough to accept her faults and move on.

Who cooks? She mostly. But I make some mean gourmet dishes and whenever there's time, when she's too tired, whenever I feel like, I get into the kitchen. The one exception is Sunday's breakfast. I need breakfast everyday but I need to be in church early on Sundays. My Lady loves her sleep but I am up and doing by 4am most days so I prepare breakfast and run her bath betore she gets up Sunday mornings.

Faith? Paramount. We are Christians as truthfully as His grace helps us. But we have learned that God created a family before he created a church. My pastors know my Lady comes first. Trying to involve either of us in anything without the other is an exercise in futility, a lerson my little congregation has learned. But like I wrote earlier, our entire lives, marriage and business, we place in the hands of the One who first loved us.

Conflict? I chose, while we were dating, to always make excuses for whatever wrong she does. I chose to always believe she meant good. I chose to always create reasons that will exonerate her. So even before she appologises, I have forgiven and moved on. But where corrections need to be pointed out, we try to discuss in private, reach an accomodation and try to live it through. I have chosen to trust her completely so I never ever question her reasons, motives and observations. Hey, I love the babe, so why should I do otherwise!

Our extended families? During our pre-marital counselling, same question was asked. So then and there, we decided that whatever concerns my folks woyld be decided on by me and whatever concerns her, will be decided on by her. But we will always discuss as much as is possible and we'll always back each other up.


Oh yes. We decided that we will never be apart longer than 2 weeks. Work travels are putting a strain on this decision but we try our best to keep to it.

bellong:
So here goes:

- Are you the head of your family and does your wife respect your leadership as the head?

Yes I am and she has never contested nor argue it. And I have not turned myself to an emperor nor lord over her.

- Do you accept that your wife makes any family decisions without your knowledge whether or not it involves her body?

Except the decision was urgent and cannot wait for me to hear about it, yes she can. If not, decision must be made with both parties involved. Inasmuch as I wouldn't take a decision without her knowledge, then she wouldn't without informing me.

- When there's a difference of opinions, on whom does the final say/decision rest? You or your wife?


There is no direct answer to this. Life is not black and white. Depending on who it is affecting. If its not going to have a negative impact on me or the boy, I allow her have her way. I am slow in taking major decisions as I tend to think through them contrary to her who is impulsive.

This is how I won her over, in the first year of our marriage, whenever such situation arose, I allowed her have the final say that is after enumerating the possible consequences. 98% of the time, it happened that way and after about three to four occasions, we never have to argue over decisions anymore. And she is now very good in thinking things through before acting.

- For those of you with wives who have a job that takes her out of the house everyday, who cooks the most? Does your wife come back home to prepare meals or do you do it before she returns?

She does the cooking. I can count the number of times I have cooked. The memories of my childhood experiences in the kitchen still haunt me.. I did told her prior to marrying her that there is no chores I won't help her with but she should count me out of cooking. I get food from restaurants for the family on days she can't cook.

- Does your wife need/ask your permission before doing anything relating to her own family?

For this she doesn't need my permission at all because I care less. Although she does inform me. I believe if you have the resources and someone is in genuine need, nobody should be a clog in the wheel of help. After all, her family is my family.

- When it comes to your home, who does the most complaining over things that don't go their way? You or your wife?

I don't understand this question. None of us complains, we address issues and we both make efforts to adjust without complaining. You should know that women like to talk all the time even over an inconsequential matter. If you understand this as part of their genetic makeup, one will not see it as complain but something they can't help but talk. It is when it turns to nagging that one can start complaining.

These are what I can think of now, I'll be back to ask some more as they come to me.

OK....

Thanks for your reply.