₦airaland Forum

1. That we hate to hold Your purses for You…Or walk around with Your handbags for You…It kills our masculinity. And emasculates our sense of power and macho. Kindly hold Your OWN purses. And carry Your OWN handbags. Its that simple,sweethearts.

2. That we hate to be slapped in public. In the middle of crowds that are actually watching us. No matter what we did or how we did it,No matter what we said or how we said it,kindly DO NOT slap us in public. Its so embarrassing and confusing. After that slap,we don’t know what to do…We don’t know whether to slap You back,or run away,or cry or die. Public slaps are absolutely offending.

3. That our balls hurt. Kindly QUIT kicking them. Please. You need something to kick?? Our neighbor has a cat. Go kick it. Please.

4. That our phones are our HOLY shrines. Our phones are our greatest sources of happiness and tranquility. And that some of us treasure our phones more than life…sometimes.We wish they would let us be with our phones. Wherever we want to. Whenever we need to. Don’t separate us from our mobile phones. Our lives are in THOSE phones.

5. That,no matter how much we love You,Our boys will always be a part of Us. ALWAYS! We Looooove Our boys. Love them to death. Our boys are our life. And we would be dead without our boys. If only You,oh girlfriends, understood how much our boys mean to us. And accepted them as they are. Stupid as they are. For the sake of us.

6. That we will NEVER really grow up. Never!! No matter how old we truly are,no matter how much beard we have,no matter how big our bodies are or how gruff our voices are,time after time,we will end up acting like little boys. And being childish is something we do…sometimes. Forgive Us. And love the child in us.

7. That,even though we love You to death,We will,time after time,find other women attractive. Very attractive. Probably more attractive than You. But we are NOT ready to break up with You for them. No. We still love You. Too much. But still,there will always be more attractive women out there. And we may end up admiring them…because we are Men. Let us admire. Please. It’s harmless

8. That we are NOT all bedroom bullies all the time. Sometimes we can be a bedroom mbúri. Sometimes we can be a bedroom ngui. Haha. Or bedroom nyau. Oh,I mean, sometimes we can pound that thing for 2 hours straight. And,well,sometimes we can’t even last for a short 10 minutes. It happens. We are using flesh and blood. Not Saudi Oil. Please bear with us. And hope for a better round two.

9. A Mouth Gig is NOT a City Council cleanup operation. Where You get to use all the force and might and raw,rough power in the World. A Mouth Gig is a soft affair. Slow,smooth affair. Which should be handled with grace and expertise. We really hate it when You descend down there and turn our poor D’s into a messy cat fight in the Serengeti. Biting and scratching and chewing things. No,Baby Girl. Its hurts.

10. That we hate it when You come over and,because You ended up spending the night,end up hogging 89% of the bed. Leaving us struggling to sleep on the remaining 11% little space. We hate it when You grab all the covers…And spread Yourself across the bed like a tadpole in a laboratory. Its our bed! For Christssake! Let’s share it 50/50. Please. We all love to sleep.

11. And talking of spreading, We Loooooove it when You spread it real good. Thus making easier for us to access the cookie. But we hate it when You do NOTHING beyond lying there like a shot French cartoonist. For Love’s sake,do something! Move,say a word, twitch, twist,coil,do something! Don’t just lie there! Like a cornered terrorist. Be active. Tafathali.

12. We have a very short attention span. Very very short. Kindly shorten Your stories. Make them at least 6 minutes long maximum. Or 4. Any story You give us becomes boring by the 7th minute. In fact,by the 7th minute,we are NOT listening anymore. Just shut up already. Please. We can pick up from where You left tomorrow.

13. That we are NOT mind-readers. We do NOT posses the supernatural ability to read minds,bend time,access hidden thoughts and perform spiritual discernment. If something is bothering You,tell Us. If we did something wrong,tell Us. If we’ve made a mistake,tell us. Just SPEAK UP! Please! Going silent for 72 hours straight will not solve a thing! We are not telepathic,paranormal creatures! Just talk!

14. That when a Man says HE “LOVES YOU”,He does. “I Love You” are the 3 hardest words that a man can ever say. Ever! And if a man ever says those 3 words to You,believe him. He is serious. Do not doubt it. Never doubt it. Those words are very very powerful. Coming from a man. Better believe him

HizMissy:
op, i love you!

zleemshaddy:
That number one nearly happened to me , imagine her tellin me to hold her bag 4 a while, WTF the size of d bag sef ehnnn

HizMissy:
op, i love you!

chidiezeh:
fit carry human being abi

chidiezeh:
14. That when a Man says HE “LOVES YOU”,He does. “I Love You” are the 3 hardest words that a man can ever say. Ever! And if a man ever says those 3 words to You,believe him. He is serious. Do not doubt it. Never doubt it. Those words are very very powerful. Coming from a man. Better believe him

chidiezeh:
1. That we hate to hold Your purses for You…Or walk around with Your handbags for You…It kills our masculinity. And emasculates our sense of power and macho. Kindly hold Your OWN purses. And carry Your OWN handbags. Its that simple,sweethearts.

2. That we hate to be slapped in public. In the middle of crowds that are actually watching us. No matter what we did or how we did it,No matter what we said or how we said it,kindly DO NOT slap us in public. Its so embarrassing and confusing. After that slap,we don’t know what to do…We don’t know whether to slap You back,or run away,or cry or die. Public slaps are absolutely offending.

3. That our balls hurt. Kindly QUIT kicking them. Please. You need something to kick?? Our neighbor has a cat. Go kick it. Please.

4. That our phones are our HOLY shrines. Our phones are our greatest sources of happiness and tranquility. And that some of us treasure our phones more than life…sometimes.We wish they would let us be with our phones. Wherever we want to. Whenever we need to. Don’t separate us from our mobile phones. Our lives are in THOSE phones.

5. That,no matter how much we love You,Our boys will always be a part of Us. ALWAYS! We Looooove Our boys. Love them to death. Our boys are our life. And we would be dead without our boys. If only You,oh girlfriends, understood how much our boys mean to us. And accepted them as they are. Stupid as they are. For the sake of us.

6. That we will NEVER really grow up. Never!! No matter how old we truly are,no matter how much beard we have,no matter how big our bodies are or how gruff our voices are,time after time,we will end up acting like little boys. And being childish is something we do…sometimes. Forgive Us. And love the child in us.

7. That,even though we love You to death,We will,time after time,find other women attractive. Very attractive. Probably more attractive than You. But we are NOT ready to break up with You for them. No. We still love You. Too much. But still,there will always be more attractive women out there. And we may end up admiring them…because we are Men. Let us admire. Please. It’s harmless

8. That we are NOT all bedroom bullies all the time. Sometimes we can be a bedroom mbúri. Sometimes we can be a bedroom ngui. Haha. Or bedroom nyau. Oh,I mean, sometimes we can pound that thing for 2 hours straight. And,well,sometimes we can’t even last for a short 10 minutes. It happens. We are using flesh and blood. Not Saudi Oil. Please bear with us. And hope for a better round two.

9. A Mouth Gig is NOT a City Council cleanup operation. Where You get to use all the force and might and raw,rough power in the World. A Mouth Gig is a soft affair. Slow,smooth affair. Which should be handled with grace and expertise. We really hate it when You descend down there and turn our poor D’s into a messy cat fight in the Serengeti. Biting and scratching and chewing things. No,Baby Girl. Its hurts.

10. That we hate it when You come over and,because You ended up spending the night,end up hogging 89% of the bed. Leaving us struggling to sleep on the remaining 11% little space. We hate it when You grab all the covers…And spread Yourself across the bed like a tadpole in a laboratory. Its our bed! For Christssake! Let’s share it 50/50. Please. We all love to sleep.

11. And talking of spreading, We Loooooove it when You spread it real good. Thus making easier for us to access the cookie. But we hate it when You do NOTHING beyond lying there like a shot French cartoonist. For Love’s sake,do something! Move,say a word, twitch, twist,coil,do something! Don’t just lie there! Like a cornered terrorist. Be active. Tafathali.

12. We have a very short attention span. Very very short. Kindly shorten Your stories. Make them at least 6 minutes long maximum. Or 4. Any story You give us becomes boring by the 7th minute. In fact,by the 7th minute,we are NOT listening anymore. Just shut up already. Please. We can pick up from where You left tomorrow.

13. That we are NOT mind-readers. We do NOT posses the supernatural ability to read minds,bend time,access hidden thoughts and perform spiritual discernment. If something is bothering You,tell Us. If we did something wrong,tell Us. If we’ve made a mistake,tell us. Just SPEAK UP! Please! Going silent for 72 hours straight will not solve a thing! We are not telepathic,paranormal creatures! Just talk!

14. That when a Man says HE “LOVES YOU”,He does. “I Love You” are the 3 hardest words that a man can ever say. Ever! And if a man ever says those 3 words to You,believe him. He is serious. Do not doubt it. Never doubt it. Those words are very very powerful. Coming from a man. Better believe him

chidiezeh:
are you serious