₦airaland Forum

babyosisi:
Please let her ask her questions
The man is also a virgin
Let the professionals handle this biko

check ur email

FOREXMARTS:
I think it's better to just go into the bedroom and see how it goes from there. You can start by just starring at urselves embarrassingly like Adam and eve, 40 years later you will laugh at urselves when you remember ur first experience as couples.

Instinct or nature will teach us. but u funny bro!

ttymyluv:
check ur email

Answered

[color=#1980BC] This isn't fair?! So babymama gets the freaky stuff via email and we got none?... This isn't kosher at all at all. [/color]

In our cultural settings women learn to cook,sew and how to keep a home in preparation for marriage yet sexuality in marriage is often not discussed.it ought not be so
A good sex life is needed for a good marriage

...

Sashafm:
I have been following this thread and greatly impressed by the way, reasonable advices have been given out to people that need them.
I am in my early 20's and never had a steady boyfriend. Recently a met a guy and at first liked him a lot but the moment we started dating, I started resenting him. Though he is a good guy and all and what every girl wants. Although he' s not from a well to do family and I am from a family that every body is relatively okay with houses and cars at our disposal. I feel he is not really someone who is motivated and can make it whatever may come. I think that might be the 'reason why I am resentful, I am not really sure. I am also scared of losing him, what if I don't find a guy with his kind of qualities again. what do I do?

Looks to me like you can't get past his financial background because that seems to feature quite prominently in your post.
What makes you think he's not motivated to make it?
Is he unemployed?
under employed?
Please be a little detailed,I will share more

[quote author=babyosisi post=30829662]Looks to me like you can't get past his financial background because that seems to feature quite prominently in your post.
What makes you think he's not motivated to make it?
Is h......

Sashafm:
We are both corpers but he' s quite older and more matured than I am. But he can't really say what his short or long time goals are and what he plans to do after service. whereas I have goals and aspirations.

He has never talked about what type of job he will like to do?
Further his education?
What then does he intend to do after NYSC because this is a big problem

Sashafm:
We are both corpers but he' s quite older and more matured than I am. But he can't really say what his short or long time goals are and what he plans to do after service. whereas I have goals and aspirations.

Have you discussed this at length with him?I feel as a corper,your plans after service should start to become clear to you.

You said you've never had a steady relationship.Was it a problem with the men you dated or a question of your choices?

babyosisi:
He has never talked about what type of job he will like to do?
Further his education?
What then does he intend to do after NYSC because this is a big problem

.....

thorpido:
Have you discussed this at length with him?I feel as a corper,your plans after service should start to become clear to you.

You said you've never had a steady relationship.Was it a problem with the men you dated or a question of your choices?

I feel the same too.An older youthcorper without plans is worrisome .i don't care how much of a good guy he is

babyosisi:
I feel the same too.An older youthcorper without plans is worrisome .i don't care how much of a good guy he is

Initially,I thought it was his financial status that bothered her but for a guy who is much older than her as a corper and is just satisfied with marketing promotions is not good enough(I want to believe it is not just selling products of companies on the streets).
I agree he is not motivated enough.

Sashafm:
He's the kind that is into marketing promotions, which as a person I dont really like. And it looks like he is content with doing those kind of jobs

Then that is his plan, just that it doesn't seem to suit you
I don't know if you read an earlier response on the first page when I talked about my former fiancé
He wanted to be a politician,to me that was no ambition
That was his dream and that terrified me because that wasn't me

People do well in what they are passionate about,your man may end up being very successful at that
If he is everything you want in a man I don't think this should stop you unless like me ,you have other issues with the guy

My ex fiancé is a big boy in Abuja today BTW

thorpido:
Initially,I thought it was his financial status that bothered her but for a guy who is much older than her as a corper and is just satisfied with marketing promotions is not good enough.
I agree he is not motivated enough.

Biko what exactly is marketing promotions
Can you break it down to me

babyosisi:
Then that is his plan, just that it doesn't seem to suit you
I don't know if you read an earlier response on the first page when I talked about my former fiancé
He wanted to be a politician,to me that was no ambition
That was his dream and that terrified me because that wasn't me

People do well in what they are passionate about,your man may end up being very successful at that
If he is everything you want in a man I don't think this should stop you unless like me then you have other issues with the guy

My ex fiancé is a big boy in Abuja today BTW and has made money

Asides that I don't have any p.

babyosisi:
Biko what exactly is marketing promotions
Can you break it down to me

The picture I have is of those guys and ladies advertising products on road shows.I may be wrong though.
Sashafm pls clarify.

babyosisi:
Biko what exactly is marketing promotions
Can you break it down to me

Promoters of consumer goods like alcohol, beverages etc. He's an organizer of such events.

Sashafm:
Asides that I don't have any problem with him. Although I am scared at the back of my mind that if we eventually want to marry each other, my family might kick against it because of his background and what he does.

If the marketing promotion thing worries you that much ,can you discuss it with him?
He could have a more detailed plus a back up plan
Don't worry about what the family will say since you aren't there yet,you'll cross that river when you get to it

Sashafm:
Promoters of consumer goods like alcohol, beverages etc. He's an organizer of such events.

Looks to me like he is a people person ,so that sort of job will suit his personality.
He may just end up being very good at it and doing it well.
When Colonel sanders wanted to fry chicken for a living everyone thought he was nuts
Today Kentucky fried chicken KFC is a household name

Sashafm:
Promoters of consumer goods like alcohol, beverages etc. He's an organizer of such events.

It's not a bad profession but he will need to develop himself further.Go for more trainings and seminars.Marketing is big.
I think the other issue you may have is his humble background.

EfemenaXY:
Speak for yourself, honey.

The men in my life + the ones I know are nothing like what you've described.

This is so true. I hope ladies will finally realize that there are many GREAT men out there and learn how to attract the right kind of people instead of the toxic ones or the type we read of on NL.

Be bold enough to admit that due to fear, lack of self-confidence, and low esteem, you've sold yourself short with the mindset that physical abuse and domestic violence are the norm and should be expected in a marriage.

That's a deep lesson many people will have to learn the hard way.

Do not only sell yourself short but also have a clear picture of what you want in a man. Don't just wait till you feel infatuation, before you do, be sure you are looking out for the right qualities in a man. You must have standards and it will save you a lot of time and headache.

thorpido:
It's not a bad profession but he will need to develop himself further.Go for more trainings and seminars.Marketing is big.
I think the other issue you may have is his humble background.

Hmmm, that' s true to some extent.

My dear! U self dey do excursion reach dis side? Nice! Kedu? Long time.

Feyifahm:
who no like beta thing ;Dwho no like beta thing

thorpido:
Have you discussed this at length with him?I feel as a corper,your plans after service should start to become clear to you.

You said you've never had a steady relationship.Was it a problem with the men you dated or a question of your choices?

I just did not find any one I felt was suitable enough, character wise to be in a committed relationship with.

Sashafm:
I just did not find any one I felt was suitable enough character wise to be in a committed relationship with.

okay.This marketing guy,how much is his marketing stuff bringing in?Is it something substantial?

thorpido:
okay.This marketing guy,how much is his marketing stuff bringing in?Is it something substantial?

I try not to ask because, I don't want to look like the rich girl that is materialistic. Although from what I do observe I don't think it's that much according to my own expectations

Sashafm:
I have been following this thread and greatly impressed by the way, reasonable advices have been given out to people that need them.
I am in my early 20's and never had a steady boyfriend. Recently a met a guy and at first liked him a lot but the moment we started dating, I started resenting him. Though he is a good guy and all and what every girl wants. Although he' s not from a well to do family and I am from a family that every body is relatively okay with houses and cars at our disposal. I feel he is not really someone who is motivated and can make it whatever may come. I think that might be the 'reason why I am resentful, I am not really sure. I am also scared of losing him, what if I don't find a guy with his kind of qualities again. what do I do?

Your statements are contradictory and at odds with each other. You say you resent him and yet you're scared of losing him? Which is it? Because the way I see it, you're confused and don't know what exactly it is you want. I'll explain my reasons for thinking so in the next couple of paragraphs but suffice to say, I don't think you're the right girl for him.

Sashafm:
He's the kind that is into marketing promotions, which as a person I dont really like. And it looks like he is content with doing those kind of jobs

He is content with what he is doing, which goes to show that he is happy with his life the way it is. Don't forget this man is way older than you. He's more mature (your words) and has such, has seen a lot more of life. A lot more than you, and is content with how his life is.

What you need to understand is that not every man is a brash go-getter ready to jump in with both feet. There are some mean who are conservatively quiet and want nothing more than a peaceful life without any drama. The biggest mistake you could make where this man is concerned is to try and change him to suit what you think he should be. Yes, he may not be from a well-to-do background like you, and he may not be an extrovert like you and the members of your family that you seem to compare him with. He is who he is and you need to learn to accept that, rather than force him to fit into the pre-conceived picture you've got in your mind of what you think he ought to be / should run his life.

Question for you: Rather than resent him for being happy with what he does / being content with his life, have you sat down with him to discuss at length what his medium-to-long term goals and aspirations for the future are? Have you made any concerted effort on your part to understand exactly what it is he does? Nothing lifts a man's spirit up if his spouse / partner demonstrates that she's on the same plane with him, levelling with him, and rubbing heads and ideas with him. If you are able to do this, and he sees that you're genuinely interested in what he does, then he would be very open to any suggestions you might have for him, that he can use to expand upon what it is he currently does.

I sincerely believe that no job is a complete dead-end job. The key to being successful in life / business is to be innovative. Taking that bold step to do things differently from the norm. A novel idea that kicks off is bound to generate interest, and interested generated results in people willing to part with their cash. That is what separates your successful millionaires from your average Joe stuck at his regular job doing regular hours. Your man is in marketing...even better. So seeing as you appear to be the extroverted, outgoing one in your relationship, help him come up with innovative business ideas. Then let him do the marketing bit which from what you've posted, he seems quite good at.

Sashafm:
Asides that I don't have any problem with him. Although I am scared at the back of my mind that if we eventually want to marry each other, my family might kick against it because of his background and what he does.

I would tread carefully here if I were you because you're quickly paving the way for him to resent you and your family. I'm not a man but I do know that men have something called pride and ego. There is nothing more demeaning for a man to feel his achievements in life are looked down on by his in-laws as per he hasn't done enough or isn't working hard enough. Your comparing him to your family isn't going to do either of you any good. Simply comparing and faulting his achievements isn't good enough. If you really love him, go the extra mile to help him with his passion.

Start learning how to work with your man as a team, and not against him. He'll love you even more, and you both will reap the benefits later if you do eventually get married. But you've got to start from somewhere.

I like it that your man appears to be the cool, calm, collected, and mature one in your relationship. He knows what he wants and with a little encouragement from you, can achieve even more. He has got a good head on his shoulders. Start appreciating that now, otherwise do the decent thing and leave him be.

Madam EfemenaXY,


Well-detailed Response.

God Bless you ma.

EfemenaXY:
Your statements are contradictory and at odds with each other. You say you resent him and yet you're scared of losing him? Which is it? Because the way I see it, you're confused and don't know what exactly it is you want. I'll explain my reasons for thinking so in the next couple of paragraphs but suffice to say, I don't think you're the right girl for him.



He is content with what he is doing, which goes to show that he is happy with his life the way it is. Don't forget this man is way older than you. He's more mature (your words) and has such, has seen a lot more of life. A lot more than you, and is content with how his life is.

What you need to understand is that not every man is a brash go-getter ready to jump in with both feet. There are some mean who are conservatively quiet and want nothing more than a peaceful life without any drama. The biggest mistake you could make where this man is concerned is to try and change him to suit what you think he should be. Yes, he may not be from a well-to-do background like you, and he may not be an extrovert like you and the members of your family that you seem to compare him with. He is who he is and you need to learn to accept that, rather than force him to fit into the pre-conceived picture you've got in your mind of what you think he ought to be / should run his life.

Question for you: Rather than resent him for being happy with what he does / being content with his life, have you sat down with him to discuss at length what his medium-to-long term goals and aspirations for the future are? Have you made any concerted effort on your part to understand exactly what it is he does? Nothing lifts a man's spirit up if his spouse / partner demonstrates that she's on the same plane with him, levelling with him, and rubbing heads and ideas with him. If you are able to do this, and he sees that you're genuinely interested in what he does, then he would be very open to any suggestions you might have for him, that he can use to expand upon what it is he currently does.

I sincerely believe that no job is a complete dead-end job. The key to being successful in life / business is to be innovative. Taking that bold step to do things differently from the norm. A novel idea that kicks off is bound to generate interest, and interested generated results in people willing to part with their cash. That is what separates your successful millionaires from your average Joe stuck at his regular job doing regular hours. Your man is in marketing...even better. So seeing as you appear to be the extroverted, outgoing one in your relationship, help him come up with innovative business ideas. Then let him do the marketing bit which from what you've posted, he seems quite good at.




I would tread carefully here if I were you because you're quickly paving the way for him to resent you and your family. I'm not a man but I do know that men have something called pride and ego. There is nothing more demeaning for a man to feel his achievements in life are looked down on by his in-laws as per he hasn't done enough or isn't working hard enough. Your comparing him to your family isn't going to do either of you any good. Simply comparing and faulting his achievements isn't good enough. If you really love him, go the extra mile to help him with his passion.

Start learning how to work with your man as a team, and not against him. He'll love you even more, and you both will reap the benefits later if you do eventually get married. But you've got to start from somewhere.

I like it that your man appears to be the cool, calm, collected, and mature one in your relationship. He knows what he wants and with a little encouragement from you, can achieve even more. He has got a good head on his shoulders. Start appreciating that now, otherwise do the decent thing and leave him be.

I dumped my politician wannabe bobo and now he is living large in Abuja
I would have been one thick madam with maids serving me

ttymyluv:
Instinct or nature will teach us. but u funny bro!

Lol am happy at least that even tho there was a hidden message in what I said you understood that I was just being funny on purpose. Babyosisi took it the other way (smiles). Anyways what I said is still an option tho.

No one teaches a sailor what to do with the natives of a new land he discovers, that's why it's called exploration lol, adventure. Explore yourselves then the one you don't understand you ask the"professionals". Babyosisi no vex oh. Love you all and God make yall bigger.

Sashafm:
I try not to ask because, I don't want to look like the rich girl that is materialistic. Although from what I do observe I don't think it's that much according to my own expectations

Well everyone has to start from somewhere.The money you have,you didn't work for it,your parents did.
If he is a guy willing to try new things and is open to your ideas,then you should give him that support.
If he is not complacent then don't despise his little beginning.