₦airaland Forum

Karma is real !

Good advice but one sided. Some MILS will not just let their sons enjoy their marriage by intruding. Meanwhile forgetting that their DILS too are some one else's daughter and sister too. She wants to control two homes hers and her son's. Some of them never find anything good in their DIL. To them the sin of d DIL is marrying her son. If you say DILs should remember they too will some day be MILs too and what goes around comes it means the law of Karma is visiting such MILs.

greatgod2012:
Good day my fellow forumites. It's been a while opening thread on this forum. Happy sunday to us all.


This thread was borne out of a quarrel between a couple i tried to settle two days ago.
A colleague of mine approached me for advice on what is happening in her marriage, and at the end of narrating her ordeal, i pointed her fault to her as being the architech of her problems. I deduced that the bone of contention is that each time there is disagreement, he would ask her husband to choose between her and and his mother, and as it is expected, the man would choose his mother, and yawa go gas!

Please, my fellow women and wives (though some men are guilty of this too, but it's more rampant with women), let's stop this nonsense, let's stop asking silly questions, if there is an issue between you and your spouse, communicate with maturity, without raising voice, without setiments and without blackmail and most importantly, without silly questions such as, "then, you will have to choose between me and your mother" it's childish, silly, disrespectful and out of security and envy.
Let me tell us, no sane man will choose his wife over his mother, because the wife was not there when his mother conceived him, gave birth to him, breasfed him, trained him, have so many sleepless nighs because of him, sent him to school to become who he is now for you to see, admire and marry. No wife was there when the mother was washing the man's dirty clothes, even using bare hands to wash faeces with which he soiled himself, when the mother spent days in hospital when sick to make sure the man is in good health and shape. No wife was there when the mother wakes in the middle of the night to talk and advise his son on ways of life, on how to be a good child to her parents, a good person in the society, a good employee to his employer, a good employer to his employees, a good father to his children and a good husband to his wife. Now, it's the mother that the wife is now waging war against. Nooooo wayyyyyy.
Honestly, i don't know reason why there is usually rancour between DILs and MILs, if for anything, these old women deserves our respect, appreciation and to be made happy, at least for making these our husbands marriageable, abi, if they were not born, can we get married to them.

So, my fellow women, if you don't want to sadden yourself, stop asking your men to choose between you and his mother, because he would definately choose his mother. And for those who usually say, "then let him take his mother to bed", abeg, everything is not only about bed in marriage. For those who will say, "then let his mother prepare him food, remember, he has been eating his mother's food before meeting and marrying you. For those who will say, "then, let his mother bare him children", remember, the children are not only his, they're yours as well.

Let all DILs remember that they are also potential MILs and that whatever they sow as a DIL, they will reap them when they also become MIL.
Let us cultivate the habit of loving our MILs, appreciate them and stop unnecessary rivalry with them. Many of them are becoming old already, so, we need to remember that old age usually make someone to be eccentric. So, let' treat them as if they are our mother, which i believe they are. Atleast, someone who is old enough to be our spouse' mother is also fit to be our mother.
As for me, i have the most wonderful MIL in the whole world. I cherish her, adore her, love her greatly and i get the best of her, even my husband and his siblings do jealous of me.

Anytime there's a cause for all of us, me, hubby and mama, to be in a car, i open the front door for mama myself to sit, this singular act, i have been criticised of so many times, but, is it not for just one or few days, and i see that she usually love it each time i do that. She rains blessings on me as if there is no other day. I pamper her(but truth be said, she pampers me more).
See, my fellow women, this is a secret, if you want the best from your man, love his mother and you will never regret doing so.
God bless us all.
For those who will condemn this, i think i'm no longer a novice in marriage. This is my 10th year of marriage, and it's just like yesterday, we're just starting anyway, and everyday of our marriage has always been better than the previous day.

This also goes to the men who usually asks their wives to choose between them and their mothers.

P. S
DIL....daughter-in-law.
MIL....mother-in-law.

God bless us all.

Flytefalls:
What makes you think I plan to get so involved in his love life? My mum leaves my brother to learn his own lessons in his relationships, yet she is quite close with his gf. My mum does get it wrong sometimes, I am not afraid to have a mature discussion with her about the issue at hand, not just accept what she says just because she's my mum and she's 'more experienced' as you say. Nonsense. Since when did anybody have all the answers?

... Bloody Kanye

Let's how the game plays

Flytefalls:
Wonderful!!! I'm so happy to hear/read that! Thank you for your advice. As with your story, I am 'winning' her approval through kindness, although what's ridiculous is that this has always been 'me', she needn't have gone the route of blind assumptions (the true danger many mummys boys face but don't want to admit is that their mothers can be wrong). She's been unwell recently and this has accelerated things. My actions have allowed her to see that I do care, but I am also astonished that I would care as much as I do after everything that's occurred between us. This is what it means to be mature, I guess lol.

I, we, can get over this, and I am inspired by your story as I've not been through half of what you have! Thank you again!

You are doing the right thing.
It is easier to love a nasty MIL when his son is good to you and is sympathetic to your plight
I am speaking from experience
If the husband is an a$$ and his mother is being an a$$, I can't imagine how hard that will be

babyosisi:
I really respect,love and appreciate my husband for telling me from day one that his mom was a tough woman
I went Into the marriage with total disclosure so it was helpful so for that I maintained my cool for 4 months by his encouragement until I lost it when she called my parents mad
One can only take so much
Many of these people talking have moms that doesn't get along with anyone on the street let alone yard
All these women that fight in motor parks and market places,are they not people's mothers?
There are mothers who fought and punched their husbands and everyone in sight and beat them up in fits of rage
Tore clothes off the bodies of their co wives
Tomorrow when her son marries,she becomes a saint abi?
The young woman that had soup poured on her,dies anyone want to tell me that son didn't know the mother he had?

When a man sees his mother acting badly despite his advise,he should make her leave especially if he was living in peace before she came.

Very true

We like to deceive ourselves a lot na

No na, how can you ask your hubby to choose between you and his mother? Ha!

I however think that if they both can't get along, the MIL should leave but atleast it should be done with diplomacy.

Some of us just know how to hijack threads!

Almost everybody is saying the same thing but one person just wants the fame.

Well, for me, women should really avoid such silly questions. If a wife ask the husband to choose between herself and the MIL, I just pity her. There's a reason they say this is a man's world.

Men and Ego, they go hand in hand! A woman tames it by fuelling it! Ironic!! Its not that he can marry or beds his mum. But he can leave you to marry another or even cheat on you in your matrimonial home.

greatgod2012:
Please, my fellow women and wives (though some men are guilty of this too, but it's more rampant with women), let's stop this nonsense, let's stop asking silly questions, if there is an issue between you and your spouse, communicate with maturity, without raising voice, without setiments and without blackmail and most importantly, without silly questions such as, "then, you will have to choose between me and your mother" it's childish, silly, disrespectful and out of security and envy.
Let me tell us, no sane man will choose his wife over his mother, because the wife was not there when his mother conceived him, gave birth to him, breasfed him, trained him, have so many sleepless nighs because of him, sent him to school to become who he is now for you to see, admire and marry. No wife was there when the mother was washing the man's dirty clothes, even using bare hands to wash faeces with which he soiled himself, when the mother spent days in hospital when sick to make sure the man is in good health and shape. No wife was there when the mother wakes in the middle of the night to talk and advise his son on ways of life, on how to be a good child to her parents, a good person in the society, a good employee to his employer, a good employer to his employees, a good father to his children and a good husband to his wife. Now, it's the mother that the wife is now waging war against. Nooooo wayyyyyy.
Honestly, i don't know reason why there is usually rancour between DILs and MILs, if for anything, these old women deserves our respect, appreciation and to be made happy, at least for making these our husbands marriageable, abi, if they were not born, can we get married to them.

So, my fellow women, if you don't want to sadden yourself, stop asking your men to choose between you and his mother, because he would definately choose his mother. And for those who usually say, "then let him take his mother to bed", abeg, everything is not only about bed in marriage. For those who will say, "then let his mother prepare him food, remember, he has been eating his mother's food before meeting and marrying you. For those who will say, "then, let his mother bare him children", remember, the children are not only his, they're yours as well.

@ d quote... Thats what attracted me.

Beautiful writeup...

All these cursed women talking trash about MIL forget that they will also become MILs very soon. Very myopic fools who can't see beyond their noses!
Thanks @ OP, those way go learn go learn those way no go learn no go learn!
Only a very idiotic and foolish woman will ever ask their husband to chose between his mother and her! My mother , will always be dear to me and any wife who does not understand that has no business being married to me in the first place,shikena.

Viccisimua:
Good advice but one sided. Some MILS will not just let their sons enjoy their marriage by intruding. Meanwhile forgetting that their DILS too are some one else's daughter and sister too. She wants to control two homes hers and her son's. Some of them never find anything good in their DIL. To them the sin of d DIL is marrying her son. If you say DILs should remember they too will some day be MILs too and what goes around comes it means the law of Karma is visiting such MILs.

i just can't stand this type of tunnel-vision. all the "wicked" MILs today were also "innocent" DILs about 2 decades ago. it's a vicious cycle. when you grow up and your son gets married - someone else's daughter would call you a wicked MIL one day.

coogar:
i just can't stand this type of tunnel-vision. all the "wicked" MILs today were also "innocent" DILs about 2 decades ago. it's a vicious cycle. when you grow up and your son gets married - someone else's daughter would call you a wicked MIL one day.

Don't mind the skanks! See them sounding as if the won't even do worse when they become MILs

babyosisi:
You are doing the right thing.
It is easier to love a nasty MIL when his son is good to you and is sympathetic to your plight
I am speaking from experience
If the husband is an a$$ and his mother is being an a$$, I can't imagine how hard that will be

Thank you, it means a lot

These threads always leave me singing "where is the love"

dinachi:
Don't mind the skanks! See them sounding as if the won't even do worse when they become MILs

i am amazed at the sheer ignorance...

they simply forget what goes around comes around. they know the pretence & trickery they played on their husbands as young wives. when they grow up & bear sons who later get married, they try to protect him from his manipulative wife and thus the label "wicked MIL" is reborn.

Inspirational, may God Almighty enlongate ur days

greatgod2012:
Lmao...
Some women are actually comfortable with it, and some even wish their MIL dead before even marry their husbands, and i always wonder if they'll like to reap what they've in the future.

Such women need to check themselves, it's narcissism but they don't realize it.

A silly question indeed.

pansophist:
Exactly, very nice point.

Any woman who utter such nonsense should be watch thoroughly. It expose a huge reservoir of her intent.

Couldn't have said it any better bro.

coogar:
women have always been known to make those stupid comparisons - and some foolish men buy into the emotional blackmail.

i have heard choose between me & your football club several times too. there's nothing you should not expect from nigerian women - many of them have the emotional maturity of a toothpaste!

all these women shouting men are mummy's boys do worse when they have their sons. it's easy to type nonsense on the internet. let's just admit women are troublesome in general - you would never hear of men asking their wives to choose between them & their FILs.

Lord Coogz, this is the Italian job.

Most of the ones on this thread aren't even married - they just cook up stories in their heads about marriage, and getting married - while existing in La La Land. You should be knighted again for this comment...British Nobility.

I don't know what men are expecting from women on this thread o. You think a woman will be logical in this sort of matter? Emotion is their ruler. You'll explain from now till Rapture and they will deliberately not understand what you're saying.

However, please note, the man and woman in a marriage have differing powers and privileges. The MIL/SIL relationship can never be likened to the MIL/DIL relationship.

Abeg I can't type much, I never chop

lilmax:
am i wrong? just take that hate you have for mils and men and your life will be better,cus we all know what you‘ve been through about men

and your point is? Because I don't understand what you are still on about. Are you trying to clown or you're trying to make a point. I'm not just referring to you. I'm referring to you and your 11 and possibly other likes

Yadoctora:
Mothers-in-law are calm in their daughters' homes. In fact, they join her in 'worshipping' her husband because they want her to stay married.

In their sons' homes, some believe the house is theirs and are bosses in their own right. It is not the same o. at all.

You just answered the huge question here completely! That is the reason why issues with MIL from the wife's side are usually not heard. Also, husbands usually don't have much contact with their MIL cos obviously he wont have to go to wifeys place to spend christmas, easter etc neither will his wife's parents always mandate them to come home for every family ish or when mil coughs, has a minor headache etc.

In as much as no wife should actually ask her husband to choose or even utter such, as it's a sign of insecurity, the husbands on their part should stop putting their wives in such positions where it now looks as if there's a competition. If you dont want to or you don't feel confident enough to uncleave from your folks & cleave solely to your wife as a man, please dont ever come close to a marriage altar. It's simple!

SAMBARRY:
and your point is? Because I don't understand what you are still on about. Are you trying to clown or you're trying to make a point. I'm not just referring to you. I'm referring to you and your 11 and possibly other likes

read it until you understand

lilmax:
read it until you understand

no you have not yet communicated. Your communication has only been successful when you have PASSED the information in an intelligent manner. So again what is your point and how does it relate to the topic. Or are you just entertaining your fans by trying to be funny?

Family wahala.... got too much as young guy to attend to than mother/wife issue

What about the part of the marriage vows, "forsaking all others", meaning you put your spouse above anyone else, including family members when it comes to supporting them.

well said

The bible says a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife
When a many has allowed his mother to cleave ,and the wife is finding a space,katakata will burst

Quoting the Bible the way it suits you abi?
How about "Honour your father and mother so that your days may be long" does marriage end this command?

greatgod2012:
Good day my fellow forumites. It's been a while opening thread on this forum. Happy sunday to us all.


This thread was borne out of a quarrel between a couple i tried to settle two days ago.
A colleague of mine approached me for advice on what is happening in her marriage, and at the end of narrating her ordeal, i pointed her fault to her as being the architech of her problems. I deduced that the bone of contention is that each time there is disagreement, he would ask her husband to choose between her and and his mother, and as it is expected, the man would choose his mother, and yawa go gas!

Please, my fellow women and wives (though some men are guilty of this too, but it's more rampant with women), let's stop this nonsense, let's stop asking silly questions, if there is an issue between you and your spouse, communicate with maturity, without raising voice, without setiments and without blackmail and most importantly, without silly questions such as, "then, you will have to choose between me and your mother" it's childish, silly, disrespectful and out of security and envy.
Let me tell us, no sane man will choose his wife over his mother, because the wife was not there when his mother conceived him, gave birth to him, breasfed him, trained him, have so many sleepless nighs because of him, sent him to school to become who he is now for you to see, admire and marry. No wife was there when the mother was washing the man's dirty clothes, even using bare hands to wash faeces with which he soiled himself, when the mother spent days in hospital when sick to make sure the man is in good health and shape. No wife was there when the mother wakes in the middle of the night to talk and advise his son on ways of life, on how to be a good child to her parents, a good person in the society, a good employee to his employer, a good employer to his employees, a good father to his children and a good husband to his wife. Now, it's the mother that the wife is now waging war against. Nooooo wayyyyyy.
Honestly, i don't know reason why there is usually rancour between DILs and MILs, if for anything, these old women deserves our respect, appreciation and to be made happy, at least for making these our husbands marriageable, abi, if they were not born, can we get married to them.

So, my fellow women, if you don't want to sadden yourself, stop asking your men to choose between you and his mother, because he would definately choose his mother. And for those who usually say, "then let him take his mother to bed", abeg, everything is not only about bed in marriage. For those who will say, "then let his mother prepare him food, remember, he has been eating his mother's food before meeting and marrying you. For those who will say, "then, let his mother bare him children", remember, the children are not only his, they're yours as well.

Let all DILs remember that they are also potential MILs and that whatever they sow as a DIL, they will reap them when they also become MIL.
Let us cultivate the habit of loving our MILs, appreciate them and stop unnecessary rivalry with them. Many of them are becoming old already, so, we need to remember that old age usually make someone to be eccentric. So, let' treat them as if they are our mother, which i believe they are. Atleast, someone who is old enough to be our spouse' mother is also fit to be our mother.
As for me, i have the most wonderful MIL in the whole world. I cherish her, adore her, love her greatly and i get the best of her, even my husband and his siblings do jealous of me.

Anytime there's a cause for all of us, me, hubby and mama, to be in a car, i open the front door for mama myself to sit, this singular act, i have been criticised of so many times, but, is it not for just one or few days, and i see that she usually love it each time i do that. She rains blessings on me as if there is no other day. I pamper her(but truth be said, she pampers me more).
See, my fellow women, this is a secret, if you want the best from your man, love his mother and you will never regret doing so.
God bless us all.
For those who will condemn this, i think i'm no longer a novice in marriage. This is my 10th year of marriage, and it's just like yesterday, we're just starting anyway, and everyday of our marriage has always been better than the previous day.

This also goes to the men who usually asks their wives to choose between them and their mothers.

P. S
DIL....daughter-in-law.
MIL....mother-in-law.

God bless us all.

So much sense.

Well done.

Thank you so much. This is one of the best write-up I've read on nl....May the lord continue to shower his blessings on you. This show you have a good and balanced state of mind...I'm sure you can never be less of a blessing to your hubby.

greatgod2012:
Good day my fellow forumites. It's been a while opening thread on this forum. Happy sunday to us all.


This thread was borne out of a quarrel between a couple i tried to settle two days ago.
A colleague of mine approached me for advice on what is happening in her marriage, and at the end of narrating her ordeal, i pointed her fault to her as being the architech of her problems. I deduced that the bone of contention is that each time there is disagreement, he would ask her husband to choose between her and and his mother, and as it is expected, the man would choose his mother, and yawa go gas!

Please, my fellow women and wives (though some men are guilty of this too, but it's more rampant with women), let's stop this nonsense, let's stop asking silly questions, if there is an issue between you and your spouse, communicate with maturity, without raising voice, without setiments and without blackmail and most importantly, without silly questions such as, "then, you will have to choose between me and your mother" it's childish, silly, disrespectful and out of security and envy.
Let me tell us, no sane man will choose his wife over his mother, because the wife was not there when his mother conceived him, gave birth to him, breasfed him, trained him, have so many sleepless nighs because of him, sent him to school to become who he is now for you to see, admire and marry. No wife was there when the mother was washing the man's dirty clothes, even using bare hands to wash faeces with which he soiled himself, when the mother spent days in hospital when sick to make sure the man is in good health and shape. No wife was there when the mother wakes in the middle of the night to talk and advise his son on ways of life, on how to be a good child to her parents, a good person in the society, a good employee to his employer, a good employer to his employees, a good father to his children and a good husband to his wife. Now, it's the mother that the wife is now waging war against. Nooooo wayyyyyy.
Honestly, i don't know reason why there is usually rancour between DILs and MILs, if for anything, these old women deserves our respect, appreciation and to be made happy, at least for making these our husbands marriageable, abi, if they were not born, can we get married to them.

So, my fellow women, if you don't want to sadden yourself, stop asking your men to choose between you and his mother, because he would definately choose his mother. And for those who usually say, "then let him take his mother to bed", abeg, everything is not only about bed in marriage. For those who will say, "then let his mother prepare him food, remember, he has been eating his mother's food before meeting and marrying you. For those who will say, "then, let his mother bare him children", remember, the children are not only his, they're yours as well.

Let all DILs remember that they are also potential MILs and that whatever they sow as a DIL, they will reap them when they also become MIL.
Let us cultivate the habit of loving our MILs, appreciate them and stop unnecessary rivalry with them. Many of them are becoming old already, so, we need to remember that old age usually make someone to be eccentric. So, let' treat them as if they are our mother, which i believe they are. Atleast, someone who is old enough to be our spouse' mother is also fit to be our mother.
As for me, i have the most wonderful MIL in the whole world. I cherish her, adore her, love her greatly and i get the best of her, even my husband and his siblings do jealous of me.

Anytime there's a cause for all of us, me, hubby and mama, to be in a car, i open the front door for mama myself to sit, this singular act, i have been criticised of so many times, but, is it not for just one or few days, and i see that she usually love it each time i do that. She rains blessings on me as if there is no other day. I pamper her(but truth be said, she pampers me more).
See, my fellow women, this is a secret, if you want the best from your man, love his mother and you will never regret doing so.
God bless us all.
For those who will condemn this, i think i'm no longer a novice in marriage. This is my 10th year of marriage, and it's just like yesterday, we're just starting anyway, and everyday of our marriage has always been better than the previous day.

This also goes to the men who usually asks their wives to choose between them and their mothers.

P. S
DIL....daughter-in-law.
MIL....mother-in-law.

God bless us all.

So much sense.

Keep it up.