coogar:


easy for you to say this.....
you especially would be worse than patience ozokwor when your son gets married.....

Khabuqi:




When husband and wife become one then the wife become his first priority then his children then family.

coogar:


easy for you to say this.....
you especially would be worse than patience ozokwor when your son gets married.....

babyosisi:
The day my mil landed in America I called all my friends to come welcome her,I got a cake and it had welcome to America on it
I cooked rice,baked chicken,made salad,bought drinks
We celebrated her arrival.
Next day Saturday I took her to a department store,bought her sweaters,blouses skirts and tights and shoes
I told her she was now in America,no more tying wrapper
I did for her exactly what I would do for my mom.
How did I get paid back ?
She complained about my soup
She complained about my stew
My sweet potatoes were too soggy
My soups had excess crayfish
My pounded yam was too soft
I could hardly do anything right
She complained I didn't greet her cheerfully
She complained my kids were not behaving well enough
I never ever responded to all these criticisms,I would talk to my hubby and he would be be mad at her
Then it got worse and worse
I would tell my mom and she asked me to just bear with her and not exchange any words with her
She bathed my son and he complained the water was to hot,I said politely,mama,come let me show you the temperature he is used to
I put water in the tub and wanted her to feel it,she flared up and said I was accusing her of wanting to kill her own grandson.
She started calling me names,there was nothing she didn't say
Reminded me she never liked me from day one
Said I was growing wings because I was brought to America ( not knowing that my own father bought my flight ticket and hubby refunded it later)
Surprisingly I still kept my cool and would tell my hubby all this in tears when he returned.
she didn't relent it got worse
I started staying in my bedroom and avoiding her
As soon as I came home and greeted her,I sat in my bedroom.then she will ask why I was hiding and continue the insult.
She accused me of turning her son into my maid and having him vacuum the floor and do laundry,saying what a bad woman I was.i never responded.
I was afraid to come home daily,I didn't know what was waiting for me.4 good months I went through this
Then one day my daughter who was just 6 was speaking to her friend on the phone while I was away and mama was babysitting.while she laughed and giggled with her friend Kayla,mama took away the phone and slammed it.
My daughter got angry and wanted to retaliate and all she could do was pick up mama's bible and throw it under the bed where mama couldn't reach it.
I came home that day all hell broke lose,she sang those deriding songs about how God will deal with her enemies
Mama called my daughter a lunatic in my face and told me she knows the lunacy came from my side of the family not hers and she went on and on and I had had it at this point,because I could handle her insult to me but not to my mom and dad I love greatly.
I never knew I could get that angry
I walked up to her face and dared her to call my family mad again and see if she will live to tell the story
At that point anger had welled up within me,I packed up her bags and threw them outside in the apartment corridor,in fear she ran out immediately because she knew at that point I was extremely upset and she thought I would hit her.i didn't thank God.
I locked the door behind me so she stayed out in the corridor.

I picked up the phone called my husband at work and asked him to come home immediately if he wanted to see his mom alive
I told him if he didn't come in 20 minutes.he will be taking her corpse home.
Little did I know I was pregnant at the time
My husband rushed back home,yelled at his mother after I told him everything,the mother started crying
From that day on I said no more,mama must go home enough is enough,I can't be this miserable in my own home.b
Later on the table turned
Mother and son became a tag team and I was now the enemy
I couldn't stay with her any longer,I couldn't concentrate,I was so stressed,my face filled with pimples, I sang it daily like a song that she must leave.the situation in the house was tense
She eventually did go home and my husband who had supported me previously seen all the verbal and emotional abuse I went through suddenly saw me as the evil woman that sent his mother home.
We stopped communicating,he stopped eating anything I cooked,his family was upset he allowed his wife send their mom home.
For months we lived this way
I contacted a good Kenyan friend of mine who had an extra room in her house,went and saw the room ,told him I was leaving,packed my bags.
Called a cab and when the cab arrived and called me on the intercom,my hubby answered and told the cab we were no longer needing him,the cab left.
Then we started to work on mending things.
It took a lot of work .

Flytefalls:

Anybody here spending time reading this thread should hold this post as the wisest. I feel the OP doesn't understand what her friend is experiencing, where is her empathy? Truth is, and will always remain, that many wives do feel their MIL's involvement in their marriage makes them feel somewhat redundant as a wife. Of course, this will bring up emotions. A women who utters such an ultimatum is probably not telling her husband to be rid of his mother; what woman who loves her husband would ever mean that? But through frustration, she is appealing to him to restore her role in the marriage as a man's wife/complement/partner.

Men, you're so quick to come on threads like this and hail the unbreakable bond you have with your mothers. It's a beautiful bond, but seriously consider this post I've quoted. When you choose to marry, then you have chosen to gain a wife; don't marry unless you are willing to respectfully hold your wife in the position your marriage vows dictate. Your mother is not your wife, and it's your responsibility to keep the roles separate, just as your wife needs to do the same regarding her own mother. There can be harmony between MILs and their DILs, but whenever there is not, look at yourself before you place blame elsewhere.

babyosisi:


You are being simplistic

If a man sees his mother acting badly,he should separate his wife from her by sending her back to her house.
Failing to do that is a failure on the husband's part to run his home

tivta:
. My brother, karma is a bittch that fuccks every one. What goes around comes back around. I pity all these women shouting "MILs" are bad, they too shall reap what they sow.

Khabuqi:


The ancient concept of karma found in Hinduism and other traditions is far more complex than simply "what goes around, comes around". So Uncle tivta, forget that karma is real thingy.

In my opinion, when a man marries, his wife becomes his first priority. If a man is not ready for that commitment, then he should stay away from marriage. No be by force. Peace!

coogar:

i have heard choose between me & your football club several times too. there's nothing you should not expect from nigerian women - many of them have the emotional maturity of a toothpaste!

babyosisi:
This is my post on my marital advise thread
So I understand fully the situation of a woman who is pushed to ask her husband to choose.
Many people speaking her,speak out of ignorance so I excuse you
Unless you have been there,you have no clue
I also wrote that within a short while of meeting my hubby he told me his mom was a tough person
I was soon to find out what that meant.
This is my story.ait is hard to summarize 4 months into one post.it was torture.

cbrass:


hmm...sometimes I don't understand why we lie alot to ourselves on wedding day claiming to love our inlaws when we don't .

just Imagine my mum writing a letter to me on a visit and I will first have to ask for a clearance from my wife before she comes? ?? do you know how this woman suffered for me to be Where I am today? when i had issue with my leg,for complete 3yrs this woman backed me when I couldn't walk. and so many other things I can't say here.

I can barge in on my mum at any time and she will be glad to see me and why can't she do thesame too?

I believe if there is true love 10 ppl can live in a room meant for 5ppl. it's love that's absent in most homes today that's why fights come up between inlaws

greatgod2012:



thanks.
I'm proud to be an African woman.

Lol @ end time girls.

greatgod2012:




thanks and God bless you too.


See in some exceptional cases, where the mother was highly irresponsible and all the man had was his wife before the mother comes to beg his son for forgiveness. The man may prefer the wife to his mother, but i still maintain that the question should not be asked by the woman. And also, if the man's action confirms that the man prefer his wife t his mother, the wife should be careful not to be carried away with the euphoria, because, table can turn around o.
It is well.

chisom101:
Some mother in laws are just trouble some,and soo bitter I don't know why . my ex mother bath me with hot soup b/c there is no salt in her soup,even flog me .

Vickybee:

It seems all the guys on this thread(both married & unmarried) want to love their mummy than wife.

Well, it's girls that are getting theirselves worked up on trivial issues.

If I notice that my husband love his mother more than me and consult him before taking decisions, I'll love my daddy more than him too and consult him before taking decisions.

The feeling is mutual.

tivta:
. Aunty, then what becomes the woman's first priority? The children? Yes karma is deep but the summary still remains"what ever a man does so shall it befall him times 10".

I never said you should not love your mum. What I was saying is, once a man established his own family, he submits or gives importance to the light of the house which is his wife.(The wife should be his first priority) but he never throws out his responsibilities being a responsible son to his mother. A mother will always act as his guidance counselor but does not have the right to interfere with his sons decisions regarding family matters. As to the wife, she must set high respect on her husband's mother as she is the most influential woman on the life of her husband long before they've meet. Shikena

TONYE001:
Right from the second we exchanged our vows, my wife became the first in any set if options....

Our God is not an author of confusion; as taught by the Bible, married couples should see themselves as one..how possible is it then for a person to choose someone else over himself?

The above logic does not imply that I do not have good parents as stated by someone up there. My parents are fantastic; they did a very good job bringing me up but no one can come before my wife. Simple.

I think situations like the OP narrated should be handled with wisdom without compromising your stance by reason of your marital vows.

A good wife or husband would not let issues deteriorate to the point where a spouse would have to make a choice between him/her and a parent.

May God help us all...

JoeCutie:
I think this love of a thing is more than how we view it sometimes. I think how much you love people again, has to do with how important they are to you. How valuable. If it's a wife who causes you pain all the time and without showing enough remorse, even if you have an impeccable and unquestionable love for her, it's only natural that this love would diminish or even die off over time.

It's easier to love our parents for the obvious reasons. With our partners, it's different, as there's no natural and biological inclination there. It's just a totally different journey - adventure - which the both of you have agreed to take up.

I for one, am hoping to love my mum and my wife equally. And I've every reason to... Unless any of them proves otherwise.

cbrass:


that post you have quoted is far from wisdom.... remember you will be a mother in-law too one day

Phema:


Please take this irritating story outta here! Your MIL flogged and poured hot soup on you, are you a goat?? Wetin dey bring that kain rough play? You sef come still open mouth dey talk am.

Talk about zilch self worth. Mstcheeewww

JoeCutie:
I think this love of a thing is more than how we view it sometimes. I think how much you love people again, has to do with how important they are to you. How valuable. If it's a wife who causes you pain all the time and without showing enough remorse, even if you have an impeccable and unquestionable love for her, it's only natural that this love would diminish or even die off over time.

It's easier to love our parents for the obvious reasons. With our partners, it's different, as there's no natural and biological inclination there. It's just a totally different journey - adventure - which the both of you have agreed to take up.

I for one, am hoping to love my mum and my wife equally. And I've every reason to... Unless any of them proves otherwise.

cococandy:
[b]it all depends on the man. If your wife ever asks you to choose between her and your mom,then There is something you're not doing right as a man. My father will never come first before my husband. I will never allow the authority he has over me as a dad affect my relationship and respect for my husband. He(my dad) will never overstep his boundaries even though I will forever be his little girl.
He can't call the shots in my home when I have a man in my own home. He won't pry into stuff that is beyond his privacy security clearance .

Same as my mother.

If they tried to, I will respectfully let them know that a decision on the issue at hand will be reached based on what I agree with my husband on. And they will be absolutely fine and content with that. No grumbling or side talking about my husband with my siblings. Sowing seeds of hatred and discomfort towards the poor guy whenever he's in their midst. Nope they won't.


Now guys,why is it so hard for y'all to man up and lovingly respectfully put your parents especially moms in their place when it comes to your own immediate family? You fold your arms and watch things escalate until your wife is at the point of breaking then blame her for resorting to the only method that seems to get you to sit up. Ultimatums!

Please guys the only solution to this problem lies in your hands. Your mom will meddle as far as you let her. Mind you your wife has parents too. If every parents comes into the marriage to exert their authority, we will have four parents breathing fire and unease into a marriage already having its own issues to begin with. How will the marriage last?
If two people (husband and wife) can't get along superbly all the time, how do you expect them to fare when there is a third party forming protector of the weak always in their business making the other person feel sidelined?


Gentlemen, three is a crowd
[/b]

That said, OP that question is a rude one and not very diplomatic so I alongside you implore young ladies not to use it.
Doesn't solve the problem.

toluleke:
so I should lock out my family because I am married..my mum is old enough to give birth to her so she has to take my mum behaviour like she is her mother..the main key in marriage is endurance, understanding and wisdom...if I know you don't like something I would endure,not do what you don't and mingle with you with wisdom..telling me to choose that an insult and I am not her property.God should just give one a good wife..that can take you as you are..

greatgod2012:



Leave the house and show that you're now a grown up man.
Leave, not abandon, not reject, not disobey, not dislike, not hate.
And remember, the same bible also says......."obey your mother and father in all things, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God has given you".
And this is the only command with promise o.

Wedon:
This is my Prayer . . .

May I never put myself in a situation where my DIL will ask my own son to chose between me and her . . .

May I never come between my son and his wife . . . Shebi as my own hubby dey sweet me now, I no go let person pickin enjoy her own hubby because he is my son?

May I contribute to bring joy into my son's marriage and not sorrow . . .

AMEN!!!