₦airaland Forum

NmaGOD44:
a good wife my foot.....how about a good MIL??....won't she be good to d DIL and not make troubles first??.....stupid

Are u married?

*Edited*


I just checked ur DP now, and it looks u are not married, so automatically u don't knw d value of a MIL so I won't argue with u about that.

Go and get married first before u come and argue.

Fu<king spinster.

sukkot:
YOUR MUM IS CRAZY AND YOUR WIFE IS CRAZY. THATS ALL THERE IS TO IT. ASK GOD WHAT OFFENSE YOU COMMITTED THAT HE SADDLED YOU WITH TWO CRAZY WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE

As Dale's mum would say "one mad man is enough for a family" i think you followed the path. You deserve an award

aflyingbird:
u keep blaming the DIL, there're many ways to prove this n dat, what about the MIL, she's the one who began hitting. if u hit anyone, don't expect them to just stand there . maybe a child will, but as an adult u don't want to be belittled by anyone, dat's just a normal response

it doesn't matter who the fukk u are. being a MIL doesn't give the audacity to hit any other adult. def not bcus of some pics, pics that weren't even hers! u don't hit someone because u don't get ur way, especially bcus of something that doesn't belong to u. n mumu, u need to reread the op. they have never gotten along . the fact that the MIL was bold enough to go into the DIL's home to cause trouble meant she has done something similar before , had her way n dat's why she's continue the behavior, bold enough to go into another woman's home n abuse her. thinking the DIL will just stand there. only difference is the DIL stood up for herself dis time . the MIL didn't like the DIL from the jump . pple will bully as long as u let them but i bet u ten bucks the MIL won't try this nonsense again.

My dear go and learn culture, even if u are abroad better come down to Naija and learn manners, nothing, absolutely nothing gives you the right to fight an elderly person let alone ur mother inlaw, if that will be ur own reaction then I will say babes you are manner less. In this case you WALK AWAY with the album if u don't want to give her the picture, period.

Oh! You even called me Mumu for trying to correct you. Shaking my head, you see what I mean? You are really manner less.

EbolaParasite:
It is not. I am not saying the MIL is right for her actions. In this case both the MIL and DIL did wrong. My point is, if you have to chose between your MUM and a bad wife, i say choose your mum because she is irreplaceable. A bad wife can be replaced with a good wife. Same thing for a bad husband. The reason the wife is bad in this case is because no Good wife will do what she did. There is no excuse for it

This doesn't fly because the wife is not bad
The husband that married her didn't call her a bad wife and he knows his wife better than you do so your label doesn't stick
He lives with her
Still lives with her
Loves his wife and kids he said so in his initial post so she cannot be a bad wife
That is your opinion not his
Of course he will wish the wife didn't retaliate,who wouldn't,but she did,albeit under provocation
She has accepted this went too far and is ready to apologize despite being the victim,that is a woman with a load of goodness
Bad wives don't do that
and the MIL doesn't want to hear her apologies
She instead wants her out of the house
There is someone bad here and most assuredly it's not the wife
Women like her are rare

I am taking time to explain this because I figure you must be a child

mirob:
My dear go and learn culture, even if u are abroad better come down to Naija and learn manners, nothing, absolutely nothing gives you the right to fight an elderly person let alone ur mother inlaw, if that will be ur own reaction then I will say babes you are manner less. In this case you WALK AWAY with the album if u don't want to give her the picture, period.

Oh! You even called me Mumu for trying to correct you. Shaking my head, you see what I mean? You are really manner less.

And the MIL is well cultured? A shinning example to her grandkids? Violent grand mother should stay away from grand kids because they will not pick up anything good from her.

One thing is sure....she will never ever lay her hands on the son's wife again...

Askseek:
@OP, I have been married for 15 years and will relate my xperience with my MIL and how my husband handled it. My relationship with my MIL was ok, I was independent and that did not agree well with my MIL mindset. Fast forward to the real story.
My inlaws marriage was over and they were in the middle of a separation for whatever reason one night she left the apartment and asked my husband if she could stay with us for 1 week. He called me and asked me that his mother needed to stay with us for a wk. we lived in a 2 bedroom and had 3 kids. With no hesitation I said yes, it was late and as far as I was concerned my husbands mother needed help who am I to say no. So set the mattress and made space she came and 1 week turned into a month. I realized there was no end to her stay and started to talk to my husband about finding a 3 bedroom apt. He refused, adamant that if we did that she wouldn't leave and he did not want to make her too comfortable. He wanted her to go. I continued to plead and cajole coz I knew if it was my mum I would want her to have her own space and privacy instead of sharing with kids. Eventually after about 4 months he agreed and when d lease ended we moved into a 3 bedroom and furnished a room for her. Let me add here that this move was a significant increase and I took a second job so we could afford it. There were many pettiness which I swallowed and never mentioned a word to my husband. Stuff like telling my kids I did not know how to cook otherwise I wouldn't be feeding them the kind of food they ate. She made her own meals, woke up at 4 am (no exaggeration) to sweep and clean, tell my oldest daughter I sleep too long (after working 16 hrs). No problem it's all good it's my MIL now so I said nothing. Still working on her behalf begging her son to give her house key coz he refused to didnt what her to be too comfortable (his words). One evening we got home late and she was waiting outside, the first thing she said was "what ur wife is doing by not giving me the house key is not good" I was livid but could not blame her, the eye I gave my husband and walked out on them. I don't know what he told her but he begged me for a long time but still refused to give her key. MIL had a relative visit her for 2 wks from England. I and my husband didn't get the curtesy of being told we would have a visitor. I came home and was introduced to this person. Ok no problem. The end came one evening, my husband asked me to come with him to the auto store so I could sit in the car while he went in the store to buy a new battery. Asked MIL if she didn't mind watching the kids especially baby who was just about 7 months. She said ok, baby started crying as usual and we left. Went down and the car refused to start. He tried to get it to start and it wouldn't. All dis time the baby was crying when it was about 20 mins and he still couldn't get the car to start I suggested taking a taxi while I go back up to calm he child down. Our last born unfortunately has a disease and stress an trigger a crisis so I figured the car is not starting let me go up and carry d child and that is where I went wrong. Got back up said to MIL d car did not start let me carry isoken. She did not answer me, I stretched out my hand to carry baby she pushed me(not play push, a real firm push). I said ha, mummy let me calm dis child down she has been crying since she said its her child am I saying she can't carry her child? I said no ma but she has been crying stretched out my hand and attempted to take my daughter and she hit me and pushed me away. At this point I said "see dis woman oh!behave urself now" I called out to my husband while still trying to pick up d child that was still crying. He came up and I told him d issue. He puts me to the side and goes to his mother asked her to give hike the child so he can carry she refuses and gets up going off on me with all sorts of curses. In my head I am thinking this is d person I work 2 jobs to make comfortable for. Her son is by her side trying to cLm her down and get the child next thing she bends down and pulls my legs I hit my head on the hard wood floor and she was on top of me with my child in one hand and hitting me with the other. My other 2 kids by this time came out of their room so my husband is trying to shield them, yanks the baby from her before pulling her off me. I told my husband "I love you and that is the only reason I did not hit your mother back cow I will kill her but she is gone from my house today, now not tomorrow or the marriage is over. Me or your mother chose" he reminded me she had nowhere to go and I said she should have thought about that before. Then she started to cry and beg me It was d devil. She had no where to go. I told her to go the shelter, but she will not stay in my house and her son can go with her or I leave them in the house and go. I left to my room. He told her to pack her stuff, she crossed the line and she spent a wk in d shelter before finding a place to stay. She then got upset insisting I apologize to her bringing up the I am your mother, and then my husband started to tell her in the presence of the people she brought all d things she did to undermine me in my home and how she attacked me. He made it clear she owed me an apology and if I did not want her in d house he would stand by me. My stand since then with my MIL is to be cordial that's it. I owe her nothing. If I am having an event in my house she can come but no visit or sleep over. I didn't tell my parents and so when my mum was visiting she showed up to d house under the pretext of Visiting and planned to spend the night. When my husband told me I said ok and dropped d phone but d man knows me well knew I was not coming home he showed up at my job to pick me up. I was angry. We got home and he called his mom and my mom told my mom the whole story so she could understand the tension she was sensing on my part and made it clear to his mom to stop being manipulative and to leave first thing in the morning. I have always loved this man and my love and respect for him grew exponentially after that incident. He cares for his mother but does not allow that to affect his role as my husband. And that incident defined and put boundaries on my relTionship with MIL. On a side note the other 2 sons for whom she hand picked wives have both divorced, their wives could not deal with MIL interference and husbands who always deferred to her. I won't tell you what to do but will encourage you to be wise.

Madam.. I bow for you. A woman after my heart. All I can say is WoW!! Patience is the greatest Virtue I tell ya, that's how I live my life and I always come out a winner.

****

@Topic, mama fall my hand oh, Hian slapping your daughter in law over what na, Pictures, abi there're other unmentioned underlying issues? (I didn't read everything, pardon me).

What happened to sharing on Facebook or giving her the memory card to make her own prints?
My MIL takes her own pictures samsam , thousands of them, herself. I beg all these unnecessary heartache is not worth it jare.

And what are those other two accomplices doing when every slaps went down , chewing popcorn? Women, women, women, Jesus.

Oga perfectionist, I wish you well and for wisdom to calm this storm between them. I don't envy you atall right now.

babyosisi:
This doesn't fly because the wife is not bad
The husband that married her didn't call her a bad wife and he knows his wife better than you do so your label doesn't stick
He lives with her
Still lives with her
Loves his wife and kids he said so she cannot be a bad wife
That is your opinion not his
Of course he will wish the wife didn't retaliate,who wouldn't,put she did,provoked
She has accepted this went too far and is ready to apologize despite being the victim
Bad wives don't do that
and the MIL doesn't want to hear her apologies
She instead wants her out of the house
There is someone bad here and most assuredly it's not the wife
Women like her are rare

Following your own advice, this is just your opinion as well. Apologizing does not make you good. Repeat offenders apologize all the time. It takes an ILL MANNERED AND DISRESPECTFUL person to fight an elderly person. You can twist it all you want. A woman that can beat her MIL can as well kill her husband if pushed to the limit. If you respect your husband, YOU WILL NEVER BEAT HIS MOTHER. What happened to walking away?

justwise:
And the MIL is well cultured? A shinning example to her grandkids? Violent grand mother should stay away from grand kids because they will not pick up anything good from her.

One thing is sure....she will never ever lay her hands on the son's wife again...

I am telling you
The only reason this is an issue is because the DIL must have taught her a lesson she won't forget
If she had won this fight,she will be celebrating her victory for teaching the girl a lesson
Next time she can even come and take the grand kids without permission
She got more than she bargained for
Next time let me see the hand she will use to slap that girl
Even if the son divorces this wife and marries another,she will not go to fight her because it may bring back memories

EbolaParasite:
Following your own advice, this is just your opinion as well. Apologizing does not make you good. Repeat offenders apologize all the time. It takes an ILL MANNERED AND DISRESPECTFUL person to fight an elderly person. You can twist it all you want. A woman that can beat her MIL can as well kill her husband if pushed to the limit. If you respect your husband, YOU WILL NEVER BEAT HIS MOTHER. What happened to walking away?

Her husband is still with her so he didn't get that memo

like i said a gazillion times the MIL is likely not too old. and one thing, the DIL likely didn't hit her back, she probably started tugging at her clothes n the tussling began. even if she did hit her back, i cannot blame her, NOPE. if u want to blame anyone, u blame both, starting with the MIL who struck her first. wise, old and elderly folks won't behave the way the MIL did. i respect and love old pple to pieces . but if someone who's not old hits me, just because u r "older" doesn't put u in the place to touch me. i called u a mumu and didinrin 'cus that's what u are boo .

mirob:
My dear go and learn culture, even if u are abroad better come down to Naija and learn manners, nothing, absolutely nothing gives you the right to fight an elderly person let alone ur mother inlaw, if that will be ur own reaction then I will say babes you are manner less. In this case you WALK AWAY with the album if u don't want to give her the picture, period.

Oh! You even called me Mumu for trying to correct you. Shaking my head, you see what I mean? You are really manner less.

EbolaParasite:
Following your own advice, this is just your opinion as well. Apologizing does not make you good. Repeat offenders apologize all the time. It takes an ILL MANNERED AND DISRESPECTFUL person to fight an elderly person. You can twist it all you want. A woman that can beat her MIL can as well kill her husband if pushed to the limit. If you respect your husband, YOU WILL NEVER BEAT HIS MOTHER. What happened to walking away?

Please tell them.

op, am sorry to say this, ur wife lacks respect. I remembered the first thing my hubby told me the very day he introduce me to his mum. He said" as u r coming into this family have it at the back of ur head that i have younger brothers that will get married one day, on no occassion should u exchange words let alone fight at my absence because, i will not support u rather i will be against u. If such should happen, u have every right to walk away and report to him. He is the one to take action not me" if ur wife walked away ur home will be peaceful.

EbolaParasite:
Because of the females responding thinking it is okay to fight with their MOTHERS.

How does that become the fault of feminism?

I'm a feminist and I don't think it's okay to fight, let alone a mother, especially not for the reason the OP gave, there can be exceptions, this isn't one.

Feminism does not preach violence, what a group of ladies think about everything, does not have to be about feminism.

First understand what the idea of the movement is about to avoid saying misguided things.

@OP, admist the flurry of posts, you can filter out useful information. @MadCow's and @Babyosisi's come off relevant, (tho the latter could do with less bile). As I mentioned, you're king over your kingdom. How you rule will determine how you will be regarded outside. Its your call ultimately. Not your wife's and certainly not your mother's. NO ONE should cajole you into making any decisions afterall, when they wanted to fight, they didn't seek your advise or restrain themselves till you showed up.

Old age is no protection against foolishness. That the African culture encourages deference to the elderly does not grant them the right to misuse the privilege. As young people, we should learn to exercise more restraint in dealing with "difficult" people, elderly or not. Turning the other cheek may be difficult in the light of present realities but it is achievable and profitable. It requires determination and effort.

justwise:
And the MIL is well cultured? A shinning example to her grandkids? Violent grand mother should stay away from grand kids because they will not pick up anything good from her.

One thing is sure....she will never ever lay her hands on the son's wife again...

Thank you bo. She is talking about manners and being cultured as if the MIL displayed a good one there. I thought the elderly are meant to live by example.

aflyingbird:
like i said a gazillion times the MIL is likely not too old. wise, old and elderly folks won't behave the way the MIL did. i respect and love old pple to pieces . but if someone who's not old hits me, just because u r "older" or an MIL doesn't put u in the place to touch me. i called u a mumu and didinrin 'cus that's what u are boo

And you are wise, please when provoked by ur Mother inlaw that is not too old, fight her and give her cuts all over to show them that you are a very wise and happening chick. Yeye dey smell.

iiichidodo:
[color=#1980BC] Yeah and his Royal High Prick would suggest a clap on the back for the wife for drawing blood and should get more commendation if she had the opportunity to break her MIL's head afterall her husband is hen pecked and liverless just like RHP's father.Whichever way you look at it son, that's your funeral..not ours. [/color]

Wow... So now you are going after my father as well..


Like I said to you before puppy, I have no shame in who I am or who my Father is. Nothing in the OPs article says his wife hit his mother just that she sustained a scratch on her face.

But it's cool, when you get married, please place your wife at a level where she feels like a second class citizen to your mother.

Any Man who puts his mother above his wife has no business being married to anybody but his mother.

Yeah it is indeed my funeral. That's the whole idea behind till death do us part, innit?

freecocoa:
How does that become the fault of feminism?

I'm a feminist and I don't think it's okay to fight, let alone a mother, especially not for the reason the OP gave, there can be exceptions, this isn't one.

Feminism does not preach violence, what a group of ladies think about everything, does not have to be about feminism.

First understand what the idea of the movement is about to avoid saying misguided things.

Point taken

babyosisi:
I am telling you
The only reason this is an issue is because the DIL must have taught her a lesson she won't forget
If she had won this fight,she will be celebrating her victory
She got more than she bargained for
Next time let me see the hand she will use to slap that girl
Even if the son divorces this wife and marries another,she will not go to fight her because it may bring back memories

Some women here supporting the MIL will not take such nonsense in their own marriages. My mother coming to my house to beat my wife? What planet is she from?

Sophyrocks:
Exactly. The sole motive of every MIL who never liked her DIL. She now got more than what she bargained for. Buhahahahahaa. Picture this; Who makes the move to make a DIL's life miserable? who manipulates a man to marry another wife as a result of delayed childbirth? WOMEN. I think women should start having lives outside their children once they get married.

some won't......always making other people's lives miserable

callola:
op, am sorry to say this, ur wife lacks respect. I remembered the first thing my hubby told me the very day he introduce me to his mum. He said" as u r coming into this family have it at the back of ur head that i have younger brothers that will get married one day, on no occassion should u exchange words let alone fight at my absence because, i will not support u rather i will be against u. If such should happen, u have every right to walk away and report to him. He is the one to take action not me" if ur wife walked away ur home will be peaceful.

If your husband sat you down in front of his mother and made you swear to an oracle that you won't fight,maybe you are a fighter and his family is a family of fighters too
That is one command I can't remember ever hearing any woman say her husband gave her
Yours is the first
It speaks more about you and the family you married into than anything else
Sorry


If the mother sat in her house or kept her hands to herself this would have never happened
His home is peaceful
He is not at war with his wife
The trouble is without not within

mirob mumu , i won't be one to hv a MIL like this when n if i ever get married , that's for sure . fortunately for me, pple don't have itchy hands where i'm at. my parents hv never even hit me talk about some MIL. no MIL will even try dis with me, she will never step foot in my house again

mirob:
And you are wise, please when provoked by ur Mother inlaw that is not too old, fight her and give her cuts all over to show them that you are a very wise and happening chick. Yeye dey smell.

Imoy:
Are u married?

*Edited*


I just checked ur DP now, and it looks u are not married, so automatically u don't knw d value of a MIL so I won't argue with u about that.

Go and get married first before u come and argue.

Fu<king spinster.

I laugh in French......I don't know the value of a MIL cos I'm not married yet??.....wat a joke.......maybe I'm yet to know the value of a BAD MIL not a good one......everyone knows the value of good things/people......go get a life and stop attacking me unnecessarily..... peace

MadCow1:
Wow... So now you are going after my father as well..


Like I said to you before puppy, I have no shame in who I am or who my Father is. Nothing in the OPs article says his wife hit his mother just that she sustained a scratch on her face.

But it's cool, when you get married, please place your wife at a level where she feels like a second class citizen to your mother.

Any Man who puts his mother above his wife has no business being married to anybody but his mother.

Yeah it is indeed my funeral. That's the whole idea behind till death do us part, innit?

For you to have been this composed while talking with this dude shows you are more of a man than he is. It didnt take him long for him to call you names. I guess he isnt content with his manhood. Thumbs up jare. Nothing do you.

TheFilmmaker:
The mother was in her son's house.

She should have stopped him from getting married so that she can exercise her rights wella

aflyingbird:
mirob mumu , i won't be one to hv a MIL like this when n if i ever get married , that's for sure . fortunately for me, pple don't have itchy hands where i'm at. my parents hv never even hit me talk about some MIL , no MIL will even try dis with me, she will never step foot in my house again.

Never say never miss sharp and wise girl.

NmaGOD44:
I laugh in French......I don't know the value of a MIL cos I'm not married yet??.....wat a joke.......maybe I'm yet to know the value of a BAD MIL not a good one......everyone knows the value of good things/people......go get a life and stop attacking me unnecessarily..... peace

Lolz, now its peace and no longer silly?

Talk about attack, u started it.

.

Bikonu how is Jonathan doing at the polls?
That is the one I wAnt yo know now

Mr and Mrs perfectionist could be making their third baby at this moment and we are here arguing

Sophyrocks:
Thank you bo. She is talking about manners and being cultured as if the MIL displayed a good one there. I thought the elderly are meant to live by example.

No she is MIL from hell

Raymie:
@OP, admist the flurry of posts, you can filter out useful information. @MadCow's and @Babyosisi's come off relevant, (tho the latter could do with less bile). As I mentioned, you're king over your kingdom. How you rule will determine how you will be regarded outside. Its your call ultimately. Not your wife's and certainly not your mother's. NO ONE should cajole you into making any decisions afterall, when they wanted to fight, they didn't seek your advise or restrain themselves till you showed up.

Old age is no protection against foolishness. That the African culture encourages deference to the elderly does not grant them the right to misuse the privilege. As young people, we should learn to exercise more restraint in dealing with "difficult" people, elderly or not. Turning the other cheek may be difficult in the light of present realities but it is achievable and profitable. It requires determination and effort.

Believe me, no one has this mentality of, "Being an elder doesn't give you right to misbehave" than me, I totally agree that being older doesn't mean wiser or superior, I believe that respect is reciprocal, everyone deserves respect.

Still, there is this unwritten rule about respecting elders first, MIL was wrong no doubt, she hit DIL, do you sincerely believe hitting and fighting her is the best way to go about the issue? Will you support hitting anyone back immediately without thinking twice let alone an elder? Understand that I agree MIL is at fault btw.

This is about manners, it's not just about always being right, I believe the two holy books instructed that elders/parents be honored, does the fact that mama broke a commandment mean you should break one? What makes you wiser than mama then? If this wife behaves like this already, she'll be worse than mama later on.

perfectionist:
Nairalanders, I'm in a quagmire! About one week ago, my mother came to visit my family with her sister and a friend. After the preliminary greetings and felicitations, I proceeded to take leave of my guests in order to go and service my car, leaving them in the hands of my wife after having provided some refreshments for them.
Now, my wife and mother have no love lost between them and barely get along but the joviality they displayed together in my presence combined with the fact that my mother's sister and friend were also around made me to believe all will be well and nothing will go wrong.
No sooner had I left home than I received a frantic call from my wife to return quickly that all hell had broken loose.
Upon getting home, I found my mother and my wife on the 3-seater going at each other with both wailing. I managed to separate them and proceeded to find the cause of the fight. I was told by the two onlookers (mother's sister and a friend) that my wife prevented my mother from taking some photos of the child dedication we did a few weeks back from the photo album. This incensed my mother and led to my wife being slapped following which all hell was broken loose. My mother even sustained a deep scratch on her face.
Now, my family members have insisted that my wife must leave the house for committing this abomination (their words, not mine). Indeed, my mother has told me in no uncertain terms that mother and son relationship has ended as long as my wife continues to remain in the house.
I love my wife and has two young children with her but this whole issue has complicated things.
What should I do? Your candid advice and suggestions will be appreciated.

THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY WE TELL YOUNG MEN TO CONSIDER STAYING UNMARRIED FOR LIFE.

https://www.nairaland.com/2217167/reasons-why-should-consider-staying/1#32028751

IMAGINE THE EMBARRASSMENT FROM BOTH SIDES.

IF YOU'RE SINGLE YOU CAN'T HAVE THIS KIND OF STRESSFUL EMBARRASSING SITUATION.

MOREOVER, MY MOTHER SAID THE MIL IS VERY WRONG. AND THE DIL DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO GO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS BUT SHE CAN ASK SINCE SHE'S YOUNGER.

MY MOTHER IS SERIOUSLY AGAINST THE MIL. SHE IS A VERY WISE PERSON ALMOST 70YRS. ONE OF KEY MEMBERS IN OUR WOMEN ARBITRATORS IN OUR HOME TOWN.

SHE SAID THE MIL IS VERY WRONG. SHE SAID THAT IF IT IS IN THEIR WOMEN TASK FORCE ARBITRATION GROUP THAT THE MIL WILL BE HEAVILY TONGUE LASHED AND FINED. WHY?
1) FOR GOING TO ANOTHER WOMAN'S HOME TO FIGHT.

2) FOR SLAPPING FIRST.

PERSONALLY, I THINK YOUR MOTHER IS VERY TROUBLESOME. SHE NEEDS SERIOUS WARNING. THE HOUSE IS YOUR WIFE'S OWN SHE DICTATES THE TUNE.

YOUR WIFE IS WRONG TO FIGHT BACK THOUGH, BUT SHE HAD TO DEFEND HER DOMAIN. ITS A BASIC INSTINCT IN MAN. SO LET HER ASK FOR FORGIVENESS.

YOU HAVE SOME BLAME TOO. WHY? YOU DIDN'T SET BOUNDARIES TO THEM FROM THE BEGINNING. ESPECIALLY YOUR MOTHER.(MATTHEW 19:5)

SO DO THE NEEDFUL PUT YOUR HOME IN ORDER. NEVER LISTEN TO ANYONE TO SEND YOUR WIFE OUT.

FOR ME I WILL EVEN BUY HER IPHONE6(LOLS).