₦airaland Forum

If it harmful & painful, no!!! Sex timetable, why? If she does not want to have sex no problem, but sex timetable, no!!! Many girls they find guy like that, no sex policy. Some of them are either impotent, have sexual disorder or medical sexual issue. I once met a guy who told me he is not crazy about sex and girls left him. Sexual compatibility is good because not many girls can stand quick ejaculation, but would be the last after carefully studying the important things in the girl.

OnyeEgo1:
From page 0 till now, no one has talked on the issue of SEX:

my question goes thus:-

a situation ur spouse decided he/she wants a BJ or any oda adventurous sex positions n u are not comfortable with dat, how do u go abt it, if refusing him/her will hurt him/her??

Is there any need 4 sex timetable?

N lastly pls be truthful here.. How do u view a guy who insist on a NO sex b4 marriage policy??

bukatyne:
How are you dear?

Didn't get any feedback

I'm good dearieee...the pressures of life and my phone went bananas (crazy)...I lost your contact...

How are you dear

OnyeEgo1:
i am not comfortable with the 3, sex, love and marriage... Tho my looks are deceptive...

Why are you not comfortable with sex
Do you have a problem with your organ or are you aTtracted to the same sex?

What is your exact issue with sex


What is your issue with love and marriage too?

From the little you posted, I believe your issue with love and marriage is related to your issue with sex...

keppyy:
I'm good dearieee...the pressures of life and my phone went bananas (crazy)...I lost your contact...

How are you dear

OK, will send you a PM

It is well

Evina:
WOW! What a thread!

I stumbled on this thread a week ago or thereabout, and haven't focused on any other thread since then. I have taken the time to read through ALL the pages. It is like reading a book to me, a practical guide to building and sustaining a successful marriage.

This thread has touched the very depths of my being. Reading people's personal experiences and comments have really broken me in some way.

I have yet again reached the conclusion that I will indeed be walking down the aisle in May, with a man who is God's PERFECT gift to me. This thread made me realise I need to CHERISH this gift more than ever before.

We have been through it ALL in nine long, wonderful years! God has helped us. There was even the challenge with MIL to be, but the way God arrested the woman's heart ehn, makes me so humbled that God carry this union for Him Almighty head.

I really don't know how to appreciate and celebrate the wonderful woman who created this thread @Babyosisi, the contributors:

@Thorpido: I have deep respect for you. You are a great man with great wisdom.

@madam Chair cover: so sad to see you deactivated your account. You have this warm mature spirit. The effect of your post is calmness. You are indeed a blessing.

@ Bukatyne: I love you. Mature, funny, cool.

@ Floodgater: God bless you real good.

@ Ujujoan: what a great woman you are. Thank God for your home.

@ EfemenaXY: hmmm. Aunty, Migwo. you are too harsh oh. One can perceive you've got several shades of intelligence and wisdom but it's quite sad that we don't really get to benefit from you in totality, because the value of your message is lost in the brutality emanating from your post. I could tell you are not a patient person madam and you would often scare people, whom you can be a blessing to, away, with your hostile(for lack of a better word) demeanor. Please if it is tough love, it is too tough. Tone it down ma.

@ Cococandy: you are soooo sweet. Thank you for being here.

@Herzumpther: for real? Is Lakes the one you are picking the date with? I hope oh sis.

To all the other contributors, God bless you and reward you richly.

Finally and once again, madam Babyosisi, you are blessed. In fact I think we should draft a script based on your life experiences in love and marriage and then make a movie. seriously! Think aborit.

Thanks a lot

I like your views on the thread too

Tying the knot in May?

Yea! All the best dearie

Will be celebrating one year then.

God blessed your home.

bukatyne:
OK, will send you a PM

It is well

Okay dearieee

keppyy:
Why are you not comfortable with sex
Do you have a problem with your organ or are you aTtracted to the same sex?

What is your exact issue with sex


What is your issue with love and marriage too?

From the little you posted, I believe your issue with love and marriage is related to your issue with sex...

whenever i am in such sex situations, i bcom suddenly overwhelmed, i will lose interest n ask d babe 2 stop, more like a memory hunt kind of, my guess...

Somethings i don't wanna post here abt myself, pls don't ask abt my childhood...

I don't seem 2 understand love, its requirements n procedures, i av tried it n i don't like it, its stressful n hurting...

marrying to me is boring... How can one stay with one person for life

My issues tho.. C'mon its not abt me keppy, remember d thread is for wives...

geekybabe:
@Evina. wow. thanks so much. You have really inspired me. just yesterday I was still talking to my mum and she was saying maybe I shouldn't be too hard on him and not give up easily. i like him, he respects me a lot and loves me even with the little he has. i will put more effort into motivating him and helping him out too. just that we are miles apart but ill do all i can to see him get better.
I'm so touched at your story. You put in a lot of work, he's so lucky to have you. I wish you guys d best in your marriage.

Seems you've conveniently forgotten what you told us in your initial post? I find the underlined bit contradictory to what you stated in your opening post.

I'd like you to pay special attention to the bits highlighted in red below. In case you can't see it, I'm highlighting the red flags for you, geekybabe. And contrary to what you think, no, I do not for one second (based on your initial story) believe that this man respects you. What you have here is a man exhibiting classical control freak behaviours but you're turning a blind eye to the warning signs now.

Those warning signs won't suddenly disappear if you marry him whether he gets a well paying job or not. What's going to happen is, this man's red flags will materialize into reality and you'll have to live with it day in and day out, for the rest of your married life to him.

The whole point of dating someone is to study them, learn their flaws and decide if you can live with it. If you feel you can live with an insecure man who feels it's his birthright to control you (now that you aren't even engaged), then you'd better sit tight and endure when he eventually slips that ring on your finger.

At the end of the day, it's your choice girl. Just be 100% confident that this is what you truly want from your intended spouse - for life.

geekybabe:
Mehn.. there are some real strong women in this place. God bless you a million times for helping people out here. Been following this thread from page 1, and been trying to convince myself that i need not ask my own questions. Cant hold it anymore, lol.

Well, the ish is this. I have been seeing a guy for about 9 months to be precise. I like him a lot, hes caring, very homy and loving. He loves God and regards me too. The biggest problem is that he is not so ambitious. and hes not bothered. I am a very ambitious lady.. all my friends know how much i hold my career in my hands and how far i am willing to go to pursue my dreams. I have done a some professional exams, attended a lot of career events, and i have a laid out career plan that i have been following for the past 4 years. I get thrilled and excited when i see guys who do not see it as a threat that a woman is being ambitious. Infact i can say one thing that my ex did for me well was that he always kept pushing me and motivating me to do more career wise. Maybe because we are both IT people.

The new bf, has not worked for over 5years. along the line he started msc and just finished. I dont have a problem with that. What i have a problem with is the fact that he is not even trying to do somthing extra alongside. hes 30. he still lives in his parents place, and depends on them. he even uses their phones to call me. I dont like this one bit, but he keeps saying that thats the only way he can keep in touch as he doesnt have much and i should try and understand. I have suggested a lot for him that he can do to be getting some money but he keeps insisting that Its only a lecturing job that he can do and that he believes his miracle job is coming.

I dont want to seem pushy, i mean hes even 6 years older than me, so he should understand life more. hes the last born, maybe thats why hes not as bothered about life and ambition like a first child like myself.
I told him before we started dating that i was going for my MSC abroad, and he was even happy, and started helping me make moves. 4 months after, he started acting funny by telling me that i should consider our new love before going abroad. He insisted that i take an msc form here in nigeria and i did, i paid with my money. Unfortunately, the uni i applied for didnt give me admission. he came back saying i should try private uni, and i told him no. I never even planned for msc here, and my parents even want me to go abroad. and that i only gave one shot at a nigerian uni and i am not trying for another. he said he doesnt want to lose me but i told him i cant alter my lifes dreams because of him. he said i am not willing to make sacrifices and i told him, the best time to make sacrifices is now when i am still a single woman and i still have time for myself.
The story is more complicated now. I have met his parents. he has met mine.all his siblings and friends know me. Thats one thing he did from day 1 to make me feel love and accepted, maybe cos he knew how badly my ex did in that path.
I mean, we are Christians, but then we should not settle for mediocrity and complacency because we have faith. I dont even need him to be rich, I just need him to show passion, and start doing things rather than talk about them. I have talked about it, [size=18pt]and he keeps thinking there is some other guy.[/size] he keeps begging me not to leave him, that things will get better. Hes highly possesive too. if he calls and i dont pick, he gets angry. the time i finally pick he keeps shouting on phone that i make him feel like he has no stake in my life..

I am getting really confused. i mean, I keep seeing guys not even as old as him doing excellently well by themselves. And i know i definitely dont want a man i cant look up to, trust and respect as my future partner. I want a go getter for a man. Someone who wont sleep or be at ease till he has achieved a level of excellence. Someone i can trust to go out in the rainy days to look for shelter for the family. My friends have been telling me to chill, and keep praying. I have, But then i keep having great guys coming around now, do i keep ignoring them? I just dont wanna look back at my life and think things should have been better if i had done things differently.

Please i need all the counsel i can get. Thanks

Evina:
@geekybabe: I know most of the responses you got to your predicament are from mature and married posters.

I just want to give my suggestion based on my personal experience.

I will be getting married in May. It ought to have being on the 28th of March, but elections in Nigeria made us move the date.

My fiance and I started dating in 2006. I already had my first degree then and preparing for NYSC, while he was studying to be an engineer. By the time he had his B.Sc, I already had a few years work experience.

Like you, I am very driven. I started a business at 20. I am one of those people that can start 5 projects, run a business at the side while holding down a job and still think of fresh new opportunities to explore. He was laid back, I had to push him to always go for more.

In fact, I did not have a problem with being the bread winner until the Holy Spirit convicted me and told me I was subtly placing a curse on my intended. I mean it is NOT the place of a woman to be the SOLE provider. She is the helpmeet, the support system. The bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel!

When I got that understanding, I revamped my mindset. I showed him the scripture, and told him. You know me. You know how driven I am and you know I will not let myself be limited by a man. I will not soft pedal on achieving my dreams because I don't want you to feel inadequate, so you need to sit up.

Then, I began to find ways to push him towards accomplishing his goals. While he was awaiting NYSC, I was the PR manager in a school. I organized the annual Christmas party, which was unlike any the school ever had. We had sponsors and media coverage. He is a great dancer and had a group in school, so I suggested he should consider training the students in dance;salsa, ballet etc. He was excited. I proposed the idea to the board and he was hired as the choreographer. He did an EXCELLENT job!

Next, I had an idea for weddings, talked to him about it and we made business cards. He was the MD and I Business development manager. Our biggest client was from him. (An aunt of his).

Shortly, he went for NYSC and I secured another job in another city. I developed his resume and would check for jobs online, write cover letter and apply on his behalf.

Now, several years after. I am AMAZED at the man he has become! I am soo proud of him. He is a sales Engineer, confident, driven and dedicated. He once told me he used to think he couldn't get a job without connections. But now, he doesn't think there's any interview he'll go for that he wouldn't scale through. I remember, I used to prep him for interviews back then.

I asked him recently, where that unmotivated, timid guy was, and he gave me one kind look. LOL. Now, I don't have to do any of those work I used to do because he is on top of his game.

I really thank God because even his mum, turned around and loved me when she saw the direction her son's life was headed and realized he was at his best with me in his life.

In summary, I just want to say, we should endeavor to make an impact in the lives of people we encounter. 9months is too short to give up on him. Give it your best, if it means finding time to search for jobs with him and even applying on his behalf, do it. His seeming controlling nature may just be because he feels insecure. Help him get past the insecurities. I believe the role of a woman is to build up her man, to help him reach his full potentials. That is why there is no end to how high a man can rise if he's got a good woman by his side.

That laid back dude today can become a driven, goal oriented man tomorrow. Mine is a living proof. he is not just an Engineer, he got certified in HSE and picked up great designing skills. I once got a contract to supply table top calendars. He designed it and managed the printing process. I would have spent 100k, paying a designer for the designs. He stays dedicated to tasks and wouldn't give up until he has seen it through. I didn't see these qualities in him before and wouldn't have known it was in there if I gave up on him.

All the best gurl.

This is all good and well because it's worked out well for you in the end - primarily because your man not only understood your career aspirations for you both, but because he respected your opinion enough and was open to change.

Geekybaby's man on the other hand is quite the opposite. He's been unemployed for over 5 years and isn't even bothered because he's got his parents to cushion / absorb his lackadaisical attitude to life.

As if that isn't bad enough, this man is actively staunting Geekybabes's chances of being all that she can be in life. He's watching his life slowly fizzle into nothingness and he's dragging her down to his level. He's jealous of her and her aspirations and it shows in the manner in which he relates to her. i.e: accusing her of having another man in her life, getting insanely jealous when she doesn't pick up his call immediately and shouts at her too.

Haba! I understand her need to settle but must it be at the cost of her future happiness? Why would you or anyone else encourage her to settle for less? I'm sorry but I just don't buy this idea of sticking with a sore loser. Is he disabled? Is he old? What stops him from getting off his backside and hustling / making his dreams of being a lecturer a reality? Or would he achieve this by lying in bed all day, using credit from his parents phones to monitor and accuse Geekybabe?

Please, let's learn to call a spade a spade and not sugarcoat things. Marriage is no child's play. It's an institution for adults and right now, Geekybabe is the only adult in that relationship.

[quote author=Evina post=32309891]True talk.
@ladynice. The ONLY thing I took from your post was your statement about having peace. Peace is the pointer that you are on the right track. It is the proof that you are in alignment with God's will.

thanks alot Evina

OnyeEgo1:
Phew!, i came dis far, started 4rm d bottom now i am here, been one hell of a ghost reader...

I have loads of question, but will take it gradually:-

i've a close course mate <very close>, she tells me virtually everytin buh keeps me telling me abt one aristo of hers little did i know dat d aristo she meant all dis while was one very lecturer i use to admire, I'm equally close to d lecturer too, but i got d shock of my life when i caught them...

Pants down when i decided to pay my unsuspecting course mate visit, i am d course rep....

I was literally dumbfounded, kept my cool n distanced myself 4 a while, cos d lecturer i know even she knows, is happily married n often talks abt his spouse in class 2 d extent we will b daydreaming abt how perfect his wife is....

Dis relationship has been going 4 long as she my course mate had no choice but 2 open up to me..

How do i approach dis situation n come out unscathed?

I have dis eagerness to tell my friend d truth regardless of it hurting our relationship, how do i go abt it?

Should i keep mute n let it slide, regarding d fact dat dis said lecturer is highly connected in dis sku?

Already me n my once favourite lecturer are experiencing a kind of tensed relationship, tho i am trying 2 pretend as if notin apuned....

Cc babyosisi, efemenaXY( i love ur brutality lol), thorpid, forexmartins, moca, herzumpther, evina, GoldenDr et al

n.b:- Dis thread has help shapen me 4 d better, i had to do a record of dat CHAKAM CHAKAM eating to see if exhibit such chewing disorder.

OnyeEgo1:
thats it, i was wondering weda wetin b my own dia self, just like taking panadol 4 anoda person head ache...

But i av dis feeling of telling her abt her wrongs to her face, n remind her of Karma n its pay back time, tho we are very close, i mean she tells me virtually everytin...

There is no way i am attracted to her, person wey dey tell me how many times she don se.x in a week with so so n so guy, d style wey she use, 4 my mind i wud b like shey na dia i go come put my innocent thing, chai!!!

I'm sorry but I find certain aspects of your tale unbelievable, quite frankly.

If you were a female, then yes, I'd understand the angle you're coming from - but you aren't are you? You're male. So why in heaven's name would a female tell a male friend very intimate details about her sex life? Women are much more conservative than men and while they might discuss certain intimate issues as you've highlighted with themselves, it's unlikely that they'll be this open with men!

Men generally have no inhibitions regarding sex and they boast about it to themselves but for a woman to boast about her sexcapades with a man??! To the point that you went to go visit her and found her in the middle of her romp with this lecturer? So the door was unlocked? Or she gave you a spare key to her hostel room?

No. Sorry, I don't believe you one bit. It's either you aren't giving us the full story about your relationship with this girl, or you're a female masking as a male, or maybe, your story is false.

My take.

EfemenaXY:
I'm sorry but I find certain aspects of your tale unbelievable, quite frankly.
If you were a female, then yes, I'd understand the angle you're coming from - but you aren't are you? You're male. So why in heaven's name would a female tell a male friend very intimate details about her sex life? Women are much more conservative than men and while they might discuss certain intimate issues as you've highlighted with themselves, it's unlikely that they'll be this open with men!
Men generally have no inhibitions regarding sex and they boast about it to themselves but for a woman to boast about her sexcapades with a man??! To the point that you went to go visit her and found her in the middle of her romp with this lecturer? So the door was unlocked? Or she gave you a spare key to her hostel room?
No. Sorry, I don't believe you one bit. It's either you aren't giving us the full story about your relationship with this girl, or you're a female masking as a male, or maybe, your story is false.
My take.

Classic Efe logic

OnyeEgo
Something is not quite right dear and this is not the thread to discuss it. Childhood things...talk to someone and work this out.

Evina, I really can't stop liking your posts. .. was smiling while reading... You gat brain babes... A lovely family awaits ya

What is love...?
Love is a sickness that non amount of
doctor can cure it...?

Life without Love.....?
is like a container without contents..

Life without love..?
is like a three without fruits on it.

Life without love..?
Is like a flat tyre it can't take you anywhere until you
change it


Life without love...?
Is like seen the story of Akpos and you no comment.
Happy Easter Celebrations.

thorpido:
You've got a good head on your shoulders,Evina.Your fiance is a blessed man.

Very true... But i am more blessed sha.

OnyeEgo1:
i am not comfortable with the 3, sex, love and marriage... Tho my looks are deceptive...

OnyeEgo1:
i am not comfortable with the 3, sex, love and marriage... Tho my looks are deceptive...

My Bros,nothing do you as long as you have largest size of Vaseline by your side.
May the force be with you.

EfemenaXY:
I'm sorry but I find certain aspects of your tale unbelievable, quite frankly.

If you were a female, then yes, I'd understand the angle you're coming from - but you aren't are you? You're male. So why in heaven's name would a female tell a male friend very intimate details about her sex life? Women are much more conservative than men and while they might discuss certain intimate issues as you've highlighted with themselves, it's unlikely that they'll be this open with men!

Men generally have no inhibitions regarding sex and they boast about it to themselves but for a woman to boast about her sexcapades with a man??! To the point that you went to go visit her and found her in the middle of her romp with this lecturer? So the door was unlocked? Or she gave you a spare key to her hostel room?

No. Sorry, I don't believe you one bit. It's either you aren't giving us the full story about your relationship with this girl, or you're a female masking as a male, or maybe, your story is false.

My take.

yea, i get u, hard to believe ryt?... I stated somewhere dat i was ''very close'' to her, we talk abt so many tinz, i mean so many unbelievable tinz...

This babe na correct Benin girl
. Its not like she can tell anyone dis tinz, i am more like a bro 2 her..

Her door wasn't locked, datz how we play, her hostel isn't far 4rm mine at all, tho different compound, she do come to mine n burst in sometimes even without knocking...

How can i explain how close we are?, anyway tanx, dat was ur opinion...

Whats my gain if i put a lie as a story, shey dem go pay me hehehehehehe...
I'm just trying not to mention her name...

GoldenDr:
What is love...?
Love is a sickness that non amount of
doctor can cure it...?

Life without Love.....?
is like a container without contents..

Life without love..?
is like a three without fruits on it.

Life without love..?
Is like a flat tyre it can't take you anywhere until you
change it


Life without love...?
Is like seen the story of Akpos and you no comment.
Happy Easter Celebrations.

do u mean d general love? Or the one with a lady?

If it is a general love 2wards anyone, I'd say u are correct abt ur descriptions abt it...

But if it is love 2wards a lady, I'd say u're terribly wrong, because i don't seem 2 understand how ''distractions'' became ''love''

i became more wise with d suppose Love story in dis page turning into Hate story suddenly...

I just wished u understand me

salsera:
Classic Efe logic

OnyeEgo
Something is not quite right dear and this is not the thread to discuss it. Childhood things...talk to someone and work this out.

U don't know how much i care 4 dis babe, i literally take her as my sis, dia are somethings abt me no one knows except her..

Now here is d settings... She is d wild one, n i am d innocent one to her oh!...

Maybe u avent been in such relationship with a guy dis close yet no sexual attraction btw d both of u guys, datz y it seems my story is unbelievable....

''Childhood things''??, i don't understand dat...

OnyeEgo1:
U don't know how much i care 4 dis babe, i literally take her as my sis, dia are somethings abt me no one knows except her..

Now here is d settings... She is d wild one, n i am d innocent one to her oh!...

Maybe u avent been in such relationship with a guy dis close yet no sexual attraction btw d both of u guys, datz y it seems my story is unbelievable....

''Childhood things''??, i don't understand dat...

I read about ur story I mean d one u posted urself, u admit d girl being ur gf but now ur ex nd d lecturer accusing u of dragging her with him Pls correct me if am wrong

GoldenDr:
Many girls they find guy like that, no sex policy. Some of them are either impotent, have sexual disorder or medical sexual issue. I once met a guy who told me he is not crazy about sex and girls left him.

So how do you differentiate the above from guys who share the No sex policy due to religious beliefs?

By differentiate, how can you tell tell if his stance is due to medical reasons or religious reasons

MarvellousGod:
Evina, I really can't stop liking your posts. .. was smiling while reading... You gat brain babes... A lovely family awaits ya

Amen and thank you sis.
When is your trad again?

Opiosko:
Very true... But i am more blessed sha.

LOL.

Evina:
Amen and thank you sis.
When is your trad again?

Uw.....
Easter Tuesday

supernet4:
I read about ur story I mean d one u posted urself, u admit d girl being ur gf but now ur ex nd d lecturer accusing u of dragging her with him Pls correct me if am wrong

go back n read my story, dia was no where i said she was my GF, u saw d word ''acquaintance'' as d subject... So whats ur stress??

The fact i av already posted as a thread shows i am not makin it up as some insinuated

cc efemenaXY

OnyeEgo1:
go back n read my story, dia was no where i said she was my GF, u saw d word ''acquaintance'' as d subject... So whats ur stress??

The fact i av already posted as a thread shows i am not makin it up as some insinuated

cc efemenaXY

oga chill take a chill pill u dnt need this outburst am pointing out wot I saw it hasn't gotten to this because for a lady to start telling u her sexcapades then there is more that meet d eye, dia is still tins u re not saying

EfemenaXY:
I'm sorry but I find certain aspects of your tale unbelievable, quite frankly.

If you were a female, then yes, I'd understand the angle you're coming from - but you aren't are you? You're male. So why in heaven's name would a female tell a male friend very intimate details about her sex life? Women are much more conservative than men and while they might discuss certain intimate issues as you've highlighted with themselves, it's unlikely that they'll be this open with men!

Men generally have no inhibitions regarding sex and they boast about it to themselves but for a woman to boast about her sexcapades with a man??! To the point that you went to go visit her and found her in the middle of her romp with this lecturer? So the door was unlocked? Or she gave you a spare key to her hostel room?

No. Sorry, I don't believe you one bit. It's either you aren't giving us the full story about your relationship with this girl, or you're a female masking as a male, or maybe, your story is false.

My take.

There are some girls that open
You never jam wild port harcourt and Bini girls
My husband said PH was the only city girls were doing the chasing actively back then and will even describe what they will do to you
Decent looking girls not professional ashawo

MarvellousGod:
Uw.....
Easter Tuesday

You are getting married n a few days?
How nice
Please send us some pictures
Even if na just the venue pics

supernet4:
oga chill take a chill pill u dnt need this outburst am pointing out wot I saw it hasn't gotten to this because for a lady to start telling u her sexcapades then there is more that meet d eye, dia is still tins u re not saying

That is not true there are girls that open