If all dats been said isn't working....then I suggest u see a marriage counsellor in ur. State, PM me for contact. God bless your marriage

multicast:
i appreciate ur comment but i need you to help me explain "TOUGHER", but if i get it right maybe u mean, use same word for her?, stop helping her as i used to do?, stop caring that much?, reduce the attention?, last time i checked a marriage is a beautiful thing and i wish it was a woman who would readily appreciate my kind of man, i dont like too much talks but this one......am tired.......like i said up there, she was a temperamental person and would talk at every little thing, she inherited that from her mum. but i dont need that kind of attribute in this marriage and i keep telling her how much it kills my spirit.

You need to be cool calm and collected when she starts, just answer her questions firmly and calmly, and in that same tone tell her you do NOT appreciate her attitude. Do not beg her. If she starts keeping malice. Ignore her, sleep in the spare room or couch. Stay out of the house more(but please don't get used to this biko, hopefully she will change and you can go back to normal)

Also you could tell her you want to have a meeting with her dad about this because you are getting fed up. Its important you let her know its making you tired of the marriage.

aflyingbird:
i like your reply but i find it so peculiar how you spelled marriage like "marraige" throughout. why?

My phone keyboard is f*ucked up at times, and I didn't read it before or after posting.
Thanks for pointing it out.

Well dude...u already married...everything can be fixed though; you said she wasn't a stranger well I feel that aspect of her is now a stranger to u co u never really saw it then..."Too much of SORRY" to a gal/guy u dating or married to, is bad, why-because they will keep repeating it believing you will either talk them out and make them realize or tell them sorry; so they take advantage of that and take you for granted; so that's why she would keep repeating it. Well you used to it and she's now getting used to you talking sense into her everytime, its cool u respect ladies and you don't want a fight, now you don't have to fight you now have to give her the "silence" thing, do whatever you have to do as a husband to or for her; bah wen all these irritating attitude comes up ignore them; it would take a while; but when she notices the changes she would start adjusting!...

multicast:
thanks brother, i was never love bling, i wasnt the kind of newby in relationship so there was never a time i was love blind, i have always call her attention to the issue and how much it brings gap into a marriage, now i need to know what exactly do i do to solve this problem, i dont wanna have to join the league of divorced couple but i must say, i cant focus once she starts cuz i love her a lot.

Oga I think your biggest challenge is that you are scared of FAILURE.

you must get to that point where you don't fear failure aka divorce.

Your fear will push you to failure. You will want to "kuku" fail by your own hands. Watch it.

Dont be afraid to scatter yam pepper pepper if u know what I mean. I know couples who disturb with their fights amd their sex day and night.

Your gentleness will onky embolden her to perfect her malice as an effective manipulation tool.

Face it like a man. Shes still that gf. Be like a bf. Let her know the door ia open.

Oh and by the way, she just may be on another thread complaining aboutchu too.

we all have hallpasses. She is using hers. Use yours too.

multicast:
i appreciate your comments Klark, but i wount sound defensive but to pick whats right from ur comment, i believe i was being too much in love with her which is what i know as the right thing to do. why marry her if i cant love her fully, its different from that she has anger issues.....thanks again brother

What is the reason she fights you when you don't pick up, does she th ink you are cheating

brother ur wife wont and will never,ever change,women dont change, she is a woman that torments men to misery, depression, and at worst untimely death, stay there and be playing love, to a woman that dosent love you half the way u do to her, she is not a good woman, that's the simple and the truth of this matter, you didnt get a gud wife my brother, if she loves you she wont bear malice for you, picking quarells with you easily,and refuses to first say sorry until you do,this is not love, act fast and save urself from the endless and ruthless torment of a woman, some women are beast in pretty form, they are very ruthless and dosent have human feelings, she dosent even have the humane feelings for her husband to know that you are feeling baad, divorce her brother and save urself from untimely death,regrets and at worse unhappy living..

qbd2:

Typing issues dude, d Space function wouldn't work.

alrite. Have a great day

multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

Patience my Brother, you'll need it! I had this kind of issues with my wife back then, but now we are over it. It wasn't easy though, but I realised that patience can really do a lot. There so many battles to be fought but when it comes to joining issues with your spouse, it's better you let it go. Ask yourself this question; is your wife someone you can live without, even with the kind of attitude you spoke about? If yes, then I guess your love is not strong after all, but if otherwise, you have no choice than to stand like a man and keep your home. As far as you didn't complain of infidelity, you have no problem. In my own case, I always keep quiet anytime she comes up with her episode, I pretend as if I'm not bothered but I always PRAY for her and my home. Over time, it became less and less until it reduced to it barest minimum as we speak. Now, we joke about it and she sometimes apologises for all those "lost days". I pray for peace in your and wish to congratulate you on your wedding anniversary in years to come. It is well!

multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

Patience my Brother, you'll need it! I had this kind of issues with my wife back then, but now we are over it. It wasn't easy though, but I realised that patience can really do a lot. There so many battles to be fought but when it comes to joining issues with your spouse, it's better you let it go. Ask yourself this question; is your wife someone you can live without, even with the kind of attitude you spoke about? If yes, then I guess your love is not strong after all, but if otherwise, you have no choice than to stand like a man and keep your home. As far as you didn't complain of infidelity, you have no problem. In my own case, I always keep quiet anytime she comes up with her episode, I pretend as if I'm not bothered but I always PRAY for her and my home. Over time, it became less and less until it reduced to it barest minimum as we speak. Now, we joke about it and she sometimes apologises for all those "lost days". I pray for peace in your home and wish to congratulate you on your wedding anniversary in years to come. It is well!

OP you never told us exactly what it is that you are doing that is making your wife react to you this way. You are trying to paint yourself here as the perfect gentleman. If that woman doesn't love you she won't have made a life time commitment with you. You need to look inwards and ask yourself what you are doing wrong that is contributing to her attitude towards you.
I personally see this as a one sided story.

lolz...

Moana:
Tell us more about your bbm chats

now,let me say this..Are u completely innocent? u just have said what ur wife does. are u faultless/blameless in all this or she is a mad woman and just loves to talk? u are not saying the truth. when u seek for solutions,u have to be very truthful,no need fighting to look blameless. Also,I can see that u are just here looking for people to tell u,'go ahead guy,take another woman,she isn't good for u' because from all ur posts,u ve already started to look at option outside ur matrimonial home which I must tell u is de beginning of most men's downfall. so go into ur room,lock urself and ask urself what really are those things u are doing that u think she nags about and try to change. nobody can make u happy,just u. and stop making it look like u are a saint. thanks.

Lol! Marriage sha! If she doesn't fight or keep malice with you, who's she gonna do with?

Babymama1:


Read his posts
The woman didn't change

You should have done that yourself before your first comment!

omonnakoda:
You need to beat her.Now I am not talking about beating her for her bad behaviour and all that just come home and beat her for no reason. If she does not talk to you the next day beat her some more..
If you search your conscience and you cannot do this then I am sorry you are not the right match.Do not let anyone deceive you with that modern man nonsense and for god's sake stop doing house chores.what is that?
Don't mistake me when I say beat,do not use your fists go out and get several durable canes and the next time she misbehaves give her full body head to toe trashing.Trash her until she confesses you are lord,show no mercy. Next beat her for no reason so she does not know what is coming I suggest at least 3 times a week but you an increase the dose depending on tolerance and response.

Hmm, I wonder if you are serious

what a stupid thinking ..re u adding more sorrow to his intellect ?..if ur wife adds sorrow to ur own life it doesnt mean all women re d same..stop being childish here with such shallow mentality..it sucks..he asks for advice suitable one to be precised from intelligent people and not like urs..gosh

Edusouls:
brother ur wife wont and will never,ever change,women dont change, she is a woman that torments men to misery, depression, and at worst untimely death, stay there and be playing love, to a woman that dosent love you half the way u do to her, she is not a good woman, that's the simple and the truth of this matter, you didnt get a gud wife my brother, if she loves you she wont bear malice for you, picking quarells with you easily,and refuses to first say sorry until you do,this is not love, act fast and save urself from the endless and ruthless torment of a woman, some women are beast in pretty form, they are very ruthless and dosent have human feelings, she dosent even have the humane feelings for her husband to know that you are feeling baad, divorce her brother and save urself from untimely death,regrets and at worse unhappy living..

ayusco85:


Don't u ve a space bar button on ur system or phone or whatever it is ur typing from? Or are u a 10yr old girl? pls type with space btw each word. Thnks

Don't u think ur brain also needs a space for manners?

OkikiOluwa1:

Come back here, am I ya mate?

im sure we are not mates

multicast:
thanks brother, i was never love bling, i wasnt the kind of newby in relationship so there was never a time i was love blind, i have always call her attention to the issue and how much it brings gap into a marriage, now i need to know what exactly do i do to solve this problem, i dont wanna have to join the league of divorced couple but i must say, i cant focus once she starts cuz i love her a lot.

This is where your problem is: You saw and experienced her TEMPERMENTAL Attitude and you went ahead and marry!

Bro that's a big blunder.

One of the key elements for marriage is: "Don't marry a man/woman with rude, hot temper nature".

It's a no-go area unless you're ready to live with the consequences.

I also believe you guys did not submit to serious counselling before marriage and is hurting you. And you NEVER seek out counselling, advice about her behaviour before marrying.

Maybe you loved other things about her like sex, physical nature etc, but the foundation your marriage will be built upon, were ignored at the outset.

It's entirely your fault man.

Am not writing to admonish you but to help you think better about the issue. And to also assist the many young guys and ladies here.

I know this much because I once made this same mistake.

Rachaelfrancis:
now,let me say this..Are u completely innocent? u just have said what ur wife does. are u faultless/blameless in all this or she is a mad woman and just loves to talk? u are not saying the truth. when u seek for solutions,u have to be very truthful,no need fighting to look blameless. Also,I can see that u are just here looking for people to tell u,'go ahead guy,take another woman,she isn't good for u' because from all ur posts,u ve already started to look at option outside ur matrimonial home which I must tell u is de beginning of most men's downfall. so go into ur room,lock urself and ask urself what really are those things u are doing that u think she nags about and try to change. nobody can make u happy,just u. and stop making it look like u are a saint. thanks.

crowns2:
OP you never told us exactly what it is that you are doing that is making your wife react to you this way. You are trying to paint yourself here as the perfect gentleman. If that woman doesn't love you she won't have made a life time commitment with you. You need to look inwards and ask yourself what you are doing wrong that is contributing to her attitude towards you.
I personally see this as a one sided story.

I've got a childhood friend who's been married for about 4 years to a perfect gentleman. Recently, she confessed to me that she's the cause of all the drama in her marriage and she does that to make their marriage seem busy and 'interesting'.

@Op: how interesting is your marriage? She probably needs the marriage to get 'busy' and not you spending all your time working and studying, and leaving her with little or no time with you.

Again, loving someone shouldn't be all about 'Ok love', 'I'm sorry', 'Its alright'... If she behaves anyhow, threaten to slap her

Dyt:


I dunno where she is lol
Seek n find her

i no b legend of the seeker ooooo....lol. @aminat508 fine oooooo.... Wish to see her sha!!!!

Learn to live wit it cos some pple are jst like dat,and wen keeping malice they are comfortable with it.jst pray to god to mak her realise the harm her attitude has on you.keep praying 4 her

tochimas:


What you are suggesting could actually be the end of the marriage, two wrong can't make a right in this situation, if he should tow the line you are suggesting, it will drive them apart further, before you know it, they won't miss each other again, small small, na to seek emotional comfort outside and they will start eyeing divorce court without thinking twice cos all feeling of love has been lost.

Actually if handled right I think it will work. It has to be carrot and stick. When she is not stressing him he should be extra extra loving and wonderful to her so that she knows he loves her very much, but once she starts he should be stern so that she can see consequence s of her actions.

Bros, I advice u nd ur wife to read the book titled 'Love and Respect' by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

multicast:
I am a fervent reader on Nairaland and i dont miss this forum in 1 day, i have seen people share their concerns here and a lot of people have contributed through their comments, though some are hillarious while others are on point. i will appreciate matured responses.

I did not marry a stranger to start with and its why i am very pained cuz i come here on nairaland and see how people get frustrated about their marriage based on cogent reasons but mine is different.

first of all, I got married in february and am already very tired of my wife, not because she isnt very sexy or good in bed as other may experienced but because my wife starts arguments from little things as little as why did u miss my call, even if its a BBM call thats dependent of network, after hours of begging i have to end up with uncountable "am sorry".

secondly, my wife find it very easy to engage in malice for days without bothering to reconcile, and i have to talk to her over again and make her see reason why such act is not good in marriage, for which she will later apologize and the next day or same day she is back again in another episode.

thirdly, every man love to be respected, when my wife starts her drama about missed call or other flimsy excuses, she starts talking to me like am her junior brother, calling me names and after noticing how mad i am with her, she will apologize but always repeat such act.

i feel the amount of love and attention she gets from me is too much and i am beginning to think i should make her understand what it feels like to have a frustrated marriage. though am yet to do that.

i honestly am not perfect but i have never used any harsh word while addressing her even when she is obviously wrong, i dont do so because i know the feeling when she use them for me. i wish i could anyway.

i grew up in a place where women are highly regarded and well treated and maybe its affecting me because i also help her do chores and i dont push all the house work to her as most men do.

i noticed i am always very unhappy and depressed the moment she comes up with this episodes and it may be because i love her so much and this is beginning to affect how i study and i might be forced to push her away first by not giving her attention as i used to.

My fellow Nairalanders, i respect ur opinion, hillarious ones and reasonable ones, marriage is not a bed of roses, i love my wife and i am not cheating on her, i am 100% married to her alone but her attitude is frustrating and i might have to leave her in the end. i hope i get lucky and this make FP so i can learn from experienced members before i take a decision, as we speak she has began the malice episode with me and if i dont apologize to her in 3 days, she is ready to go that far too.

Bros, your honeymoon ended so soon......., in my own opinion most marriages pass through this phrase. i will be four years by next month in marriage. Unfortunately but true, Your wife might not know she is doing all this to you. Courtship is massively different from marriage women are encoded to test, and adjust boundaries in marriage, while the man is still relishing the idea of his new status (being married), she would have gone far in adjusting boundaries by miles, It will take a major event for readjustment because the minute you try that, she tells you that you are not loving me anymore, you are seeing someone else and the likes...........

Firmness and communication (not just talking but real communication) and be on the look out for a major slip from her to readjust the boundaries. And that she loves you dearly but cannot help herself.

Moana:
Tell us more about your bbm chats

. Lols. Who is interested

qbd2:

Don't u think ur brain also needs a space for manners?

dont shoot the messenger. get the message

multicast:
thank you very much, i know a lot of women say men dont like settling down this days but i must confess, this experience is enough to pack the bag and leave, if you love a woman and all that u get is a recurrence of what u abolish, its not worth it. but i love her so much, its why her manners and ways are affecting me so badly. i have an exam on the way and i cant focus. i told her about this and she dint say a word...still on malice episode

multicast- let me warn very well. You are being sentimental. You obviously understand LOVE in the modern concept filled with deception and vagary.

I can perceive what you mean by "I love her so much" means you love certain attributes about her.

Now you are explaining some salient factors here: Listen if you continue like this, you may be emotionally destroyed and get your health affected in the process.

Is either you get a divorce as soon as possible. Or go see a counsellor to help you guys resolve the issue and help her change her rude and hot temper nature.

Bro I speak from vast experience and knowledge about marriage / relationship. Once a partner start suffering emotional and psychological trauma...

... he/she is only getting closer to the grave: financially, professionally, health wise, social output, spiritual well being will all be negatively affected.

The Solution!

You either allow her go meet her kind. Or she must accept to change. Anyway the decision is yours!!!

Hum.. my fiance have same problem of temper,she is a simple lady and always let the quarrel go easily. I got to know her ex through her yesterday and he said the samething :Simple with temper: the question now is for how long someone would continue to correct his own wife not forgetting that when babies start to come in, is going to be double work !correcting mama and baby at the same time! abeg I m also very confused...

Sunymoore:

You're a good woman, God bless your home.. You almost changed my perception, but still, your case is one in a trillion, so it's negligible

u sound lyk u re givin up already.......so it dat it?u re givin up on her?forgettin the vows u made b4 ur parents ur frnds the whole world and God Almighty?mybroda,is that it?c'mon!go to the lord in prayer.....dnt giv up yet,ul soon c d light@the end of the tunnel.pls...........geez i feel lyk talkin sum serious sense to ur wife!pray wif her.....a family dt prays togeda stays today!God bless u!

Young03:
Bro, was dia any courtship or direct entry

take it easy wit her, dont knw wat to tell u...

why not hold your pen and read what other matured fellows have to say..