Back to sender

chigo93:
God will punish u

As far as he till shows u love nd care, the rest na story

jaybee3:
You only have two realistic options.:

1) Accept and accommodate the fact that he is a cheat and would most certainly cheat again - This as expected is drastic but might be your best bet if you are one of the people that wouldn't consider divorce under any circumstances. You will also have to consistently deal with unhealthy worry which in time will ignite the rage that would have built up over time.

2) Divorce - This will certainly let you regain some level of sanity but at what cost?. If you live in Nigeria then you will have to worry about the following:
Stigma
Financial hardship as a result of you being a single parent
Stereotype
Difficulty in being able to find someone that will accept you and your circumstance going forward


Above all, never ever contemplate killing yourself over a man!

I guess it's a lose lose situation for her.

DeeMain:


Your post reeks of an ugly kind of meanness and callousness! The OP's emotional state may be too fragile for this kind of dart. Check yourself young lady too.

you too check yourself alagbere!




Let me even ask why is it so hard to keep it inside your pants. Is that tail so difficult to be controlled?



God gave us a brain for a reason. If she can't use it to bad. Is it news that if you live an opportunity you'll be taken advantage of especially when he don see say you meek

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

You are immature and shameless,I pity your husband.

bestestgirl:
It will be so easy to say "Op forgive him, OP think of your children, OP Men are not worth the stress" but the truth is that, when you are hurting and in such deep pain, those cliches actually mean nothing. Don't take any concrete decisions now OP, you need to just concentrate on getting thru this period of deep emotional distress, first of all you have to surround yourself with your friends so that you don't overthink. finally, pray for your husband, just call out his name and say things like "you are blessed, you are favoured, you will live and not die", it really helps to pray for the person you are trying to forgive.

Best advice jare *thumbs up*

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

You are immature and shameless,I pity your husband. Its obvious you a runz girl,ho. Its women like you her husband is frolicking with.

The story too long I can't read it finish :

nickibarb:
Please help me. I'm drowning.

I am feeling very depressed right now. My marriage has been mainly peaceful and chaos free. I did my part, cared for my husband, cooked for him, was available to satisfy his sexual needs 24/7, prayed for him, dressed like I did when we were dating, kept my body in tiptop shape even after 2 babies via c/s, everyone around me testifies to that both men and women.

In the wee hours of sunday morning, I was playing around with his phone cause i couldn't sleep. I realised he had WHATSAPP and BBM apps, it was surprising cause I had tried to get him to download them repeatedly so we can send pics to each other but he refused. He said he wasn't interested in them, so I deleted mine. Like every curious cat, I wanted to see what he was up to on it since he didn't tell me that he had finally downloaded it.

I saw that he had been flirting with almost 10 different girls, had met up with some, given money to a lot of them (even though our finances have not been in tiptop shape, but i've been persevering cause I know it is temporary - I have a great job offer with a N200k salary post-nysc but they are not ready for me to resume work yet, so I have no income for now). Before I digress too much, the chat that hurt me the most was a girl who asked my husband to be sending her N30k a month or week, i'm not sure again (my eyes were blurred with tears), and then whenever he needs her, he should just tell her which hotel to check into. Funny enough, they all know he is married with kids, they even ask him about his baby in the course of their chat. Another one that broke my heart was a girl he asked to arrange 15 girls for a political event being hosted by his older politician friend and the girls should be ready to provide TLC for them afterwards. From the messages, it was clear that he slept with this particular girl after that event because she reminded him that the money she received is not a replacement for the one he is supposed to give her (i'm guessing after a previous sexcapade).

I am so heartbroken, I don't know what to do. I feel like I gave my marriage my all, I followed all the rules of a good wife, I read books, i don't know what I could have done differently. My husband told me everyday how much he was in love with me for the 2 years we dated prior to marriage (we've been married 2 years and 6 months). I saw no trait of promiscuity in him. I trusted him 100% so I never policed him concerning his whereabouts (it's not really in my nature to be like that). I never saw this betrayal coming so it has been very difficult for me to deal with this. I had an emotional breakdown on sunday night when he went for a meeting with the new governor of our state (he is related to him). He came home at midnight to see me unconscious. I woke up in a hospital, apparently I had overdosed on pills. At that time, I wanted to die to get away from my life, but now I didn't die, i'm happy he came home in time to rescue me. I mean he could have easily stayed out all night because it was a special day (post-inauguration celebration). I don't know how I could have thought of leaving my two little kids less that 2 years old. This man has made me CRAZY. If my family hears about this suicidal attempt, they will make me leave him immediately. My fear is, what happens to my little kids, I don't want another woman to come and maltreat them. We were legally married but not in Nigeria. I don't know if Nigerian courts would recognise our marriage certificate. I don't want to lose my kids. I feel like God has allowed a trial too great for me to handle to come my way. I feel like he over-rated my strength. I am just 27. Isn't it too soon for me to face this kind of life challenge? God knows I married this man out of love, not for money, my parents tried their best for me. They sent me abroad, that's where I met my husband, I didn't even know his family in Nigeria was relatively well-to-do. Some people say if your husband cheats on you, it's nemesis for what you did to other women's husbands. God knows I am innocent. I have tried to find out why my husband who says he loves me everyday, will go out of his way to flirt with girls and sleep with them, (it's not like it's all of them that are coming on to him, he is actually doing most of the chasing). He cannot give me a reason for it, he is just begging me to let it go. I have tried but I'm still hurting, i'm still obsessing about it. How can I heal? I don't want to die and leave my children. How can I stop this pain that is eating me up?

I have read all the articles I can find online about how to get past a cheating husband, it doesn't seem to help. I asked my husband if he used a condom and if I need to go and check for STDs. He is not able to answer me directly but says we can both go and get checked out. I feel like God has forsaken me and I don't deserve it. I have tried to be a good girl all my life. I need this pain in my heart to stop. I need to be sane again.

While reading your story, tears almost wet my eyes, but hey, it is not an issue of committing suicide dearie, bad things happen to good people too. The reason is that nobody is perfect, we have all sinned at one point or the other.
Be strong for your lovely kids atleast. I have seen what other women do to kids in such a situation mehnnnnn i will never ever think of suicide no matter what because of my kids.

Now there is always a solution to every problem under the sun.

There is no peace in this world aside Jesus Christ. I bet you, if you are a christian then draw closer to Jesus the ultimate comforter, He who gives the peace that the world can never give. But if you are not a christian, then think about trying the God of Christianity. If you want to see and feel happiness again, then turn to Christ, pick up a copy of the Holy bible and read.

Revelation 21:4
(He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”)

Mathew 11:28,
psalm 34:18
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Psalm 147:3
1 Peter 5:7
Study and meditate on these scriptures, draw closer to God and resume serious service to God and dont forget to pray for your husband for repentance. The devil wants you dead because of those prostitutes, its a lie the Lord God that gave you that life has led you to Nairaland to meet some information that will lead you to the right way to follow.

Just try God with your decision to give your life to him and come back here celebrating, because not only will you find peace, the chain the devil has used to tie your husband under that bondage of immorality shall be broken, he shall be release and your marriage restored. But dont forget to testify when it finally happens. Wipe your tears , and put a smile on your face, because Jesus loves you. God bless you my sister. It is well with you.

ichidodo:
Like we said,you have nooo idea.

of?

There are 5 stages you go through when such happens. Unfortunately you seem to be in the 4th stage.

Denial(He cannot do such a thing)
Anger (I hate myself)
Bargaining ("Maybe if I behaved differently, he would not have done it.)
Depression ("I need to escape from the pain and kill myself.)
Acceptance ("It was. And now, it is over.)

Please don't isolate yourself or your depression will take a strong and even deeper hold on you and you may resort to self harm like you did.

This is what you will do.

1)Be wary of unpalatable comments here-Careful about the comments you will get here, some people live sad lives and will make yours worse by silly comments.
2)Stay in the present-Imagine breathing in what you need (strength, hope, energy) and out what you don't (pain, aches, sadness).
3) Practice self-love.-Recognize self-harm behaviours (not eating, substance abuse, risky behaviors, etc.) and nip them in the bud. "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." -Buddha
Stick to structure and routine and get proper rest,nutrition and exercise.
4) Get support- from family and friends
5)Love thyself-"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." Care enough about yourself to conserve your energy for those who deserve it, starting with yourself!
6) Stay in the present.- Don't ruminate about the past or second guess your actions. Don't worry about the future. ("Will he do it again?) Stay out of your head, for that is a dangerous place to go. Practice mindfulness techniques like deep breathing and meditation.

What has happened has happened and how we deal with them is what matters. Try to find out why he did it or chose that way of life. That might help you to take a decision on whether to stay in the marriage or opt out.(Forget those people who tell you divorce is a taboo...Your well being should be paramount)
Remember that you are in Nigeria where such irresponsible behaviour by men is treated with kids gloves, as the society is more morally decadent than you think and most young girls do not care if the man is married or not.

linnyx:


You are a good person and God will bless you for the advice you've given the op.
She should live for her children and try to get a job ASAP

When people say "stay for your children", I'm always like
It might be better if you left for their sake sef. Don't let your sons grow up thinking it is normal for husbands to cheat, wife would forgive anyway. Mummy forgave daddy. Daughters too will also grow up with low self esteem thinking it's normal for hubby too cheat
Like you said sha, she should live for her kids.

MaziOmenuko:


You are selling viagra that forces blood down to the d1cck by increasing rapidly the heart function so more blood is squeezed through dilated arteries...in other words, you are the cause of 21% of High Blood Pressure resulting in stroke. No dear, you don't solve problems in marriages, you turn women to widows.

And no, I'm enlightened and know how to keep my cyylinders firing even at old age...i would never need your viagra.

Is there anywhere in my comment I said I sell Viagra? You were the one that concluded I sell Viagra. I sell a solution to a problem that doesn't have to do with any drugs. Have a nice life. Don't bother quoting me again. Thank you.

[quote author=SexyCeline post=34385868]May God deliver us from irresponsible men. Amen[/quote]

hmmm.@ sexyceline, take a look at what you wear before calling men irresponsible. you are the disease the op is referring to.

chokolee12:
Back to sender

Ahn ahn, stop throwing curses nau!!

make una marry poor men una no gree. na polithiefcian and ogapatapata at the top una all wan marry. well, what can i say ? kpele oooo

Wer u not d one who started

oseod:


Ahn ahn, stop throwing curses nau!!

hmmmmm....touching story.am sori for yhu bout d situation.some men were heartless..alot of good advice as be given.nd yhubave also concluded that what draws yhu back were ur children. ..they are ur future.nd aw yhu knw they will b treated wen yhu abandon...juz let it go off ur mind nd move on. jux bcause of ur children

@op, you got what you truly deserve, what you were looking for in his phone is what you got. Next time you'll learn how to mind your business.

jaybee3:
You only have two realistic options.:

1) Accept and accommodate the fact that he is a cheat and would most certainly cheat again - This as expected is drastic but might be your best bet if you are one of the people that wouldn't consider divorce under any circumstances. You will also have to consistently deal with unhealthy worry which in time will ignite the rage that would have built up over time.

2) Divorce - This will certainly let you regain some level of sanity but at what cost?. If you live in Nigeria then you will have to worry about the following:
Stigma
Financial hardship as a result of you being a single parent
Stereotype
Difficulty in being able to find someone that will accept you and your circumstance going forward


Above all, never ever contemplate killing yourself over a man!

Hmm...

Whichever way, one can ONLY find true peace in Christ Jesus

My dear op, I sympathise with you.
We can only imagine the shock you are going through.

However, in the broader context, I want to say a few things, a few bitter truths to the general readers of this op, especially the women folk.
Before I go further though, let first say that I am neither a male chauvinist, player, insensitive nor immoral person. I am just one who studies and often come to terms with human nature, biological and social evolution.

I am always quite surprised when I see women shocked by cheating boyfriends or husbands.

The bitter truth, which I tell all my female friends, is that all men are predisposed to be non-monogamous.
Culture, social landscape and economics can either mitigate or exacerbate this predisposition.

Yes, a man can do his best at self control for as long as is possible, but the force of nature is hardly contained for a long period of time.

Speaking from a man's point of view, there are two types of infidelity. Infidelity of the heart, and infidelity of the body.

Now, in op's case and in majority of the cases, the man loves and adores his spouse, but his body is still unfaithful, bodily nourished by mercenary flesh vendors. This is an act of nature for which there is no cure, no mitigation whatsoever.
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

A man, at one any point in time, with the right opportunity, will grab something on the side, irrespective of how much he loves, adores or is in harmony with his partner. This is a very hard pill to swallow.

I don't know how to repeat this without sounding sexist, chauvinistic, selfish and cruel (things that I am definitely not), but it is unrealistic to REALLY expect a man not to play away match for the entire length of " till death do us part ".

My point is that it is nature, not a moral question for males.
No woman should kill herself over this.


What should the op do right now?
I am not competent to advise.

Please don't commit suicide

Stories about marriage issues like this scare me

It is touching, but don't commit suicide becos it will not solve the problem.

my advice to you is go to God who instituted marriage for help, so that He can restructure and reform your home. This you can do by having and maintaining a personal relationship with God through repentance and accepting JESUS CHRIST into your life as your personal Lord and saviour. now you can call upon God He will ans you,(JERE. 33:3). God has the ability to reform and transform husband or marriage/home.

Women! Always dreaming without wanting to wake up to reality until they are forced to do so.

chokolee12:
Wer u not d one who started

Emi ke!!!, abeg ooo!!.....this his not a jolkin stuvs!!!

Besides I don't exchange words with beautiful women

sukkot:
make una marry poor men una no gree. na polithiefcian and ogapatapata at the top una all wan marry. well, what can i say ? kpele oooo

Av goT ma eyes on u

Polithiefcian:


Av goT ma eyes on u

Some men... Nawaa oo... Pls OP don't do anything stupid for the sake of ur kids.. Just get busy.. Hang out with ur friends... U ll soon forget d incident.. I JUST HATE CHEATS.

SAMBARRY:
you too check yourself alagbere!




Let me even ask why is it so hard to keep it inside your pants. Is that tail so difficult to be controlled?



God gave us a brain for a reason. If she can't use it to bad. Is it news that if you live an opportunity you'll be taken advantage of especially when he don see say you meek

Guess you are too brain smart and logical to know when to think with your heart. Everything is not logic baby. One day you will get this. Bye.

Such is life my dear. Its feels so bad when betrayal is coming from someone u so much trust, but never give Up. Take ur time and see how you forgive him if he shows genuin repentant, but the truth remains that even thou u forgive, u can never forget nor trust him again

Lol. Sorry not u

oseod:


Emi ke!!!, abeg ooo!!.....this his not a jolkin stuvs!!!

Besides I don't exchange words with beautiful women

kay29000:



Is there anywhere in my comment I said I sell Viagra? You were the one that concluded I sell Viagra. I sell a solution to a problem that doesn't have to do with any drugs. Have a nice life. Don't bother quoting me again. Thank you.

Don't mind him joor...
U make p*nises erect for a living..gbam!!!!!!
Shikena...end of story!
Anybody that doesn't like it should hug transformer