₦airaland Forum

AdeniyiA:
her reasons for not loving him are so superficial, those attributes which have nothing to do with having a loving/caring man and peaceful home.
she has made her dislikes known already - ugliness and low salary, such reasons are least expected of a matured lady.
Mr Rights are scarce nowadays but when you meet Mr Left, jejely take hold of him and drag him to the right ...

@geekybabe: I know most of the responses you got to your predicament are from mature and married posters.

I just want to give my suggestion based on my personal experience.

I will be getting married in May. It ought to have being on the 28th of March, but elections in Nigeria made us move the date.

My fiance and I started dating in 2006. I already had my first degree then and preparing for NYSC, while he was studying to be an engineer. By the time he had his B.Sc, I already had a few years work experience.

Like you, I am very driven. I started a business at 20. I am one of those people that can start 5 projects, run a business at the side while holding down a job and still think of fresh new opportunities to explore. He was laid back, I had to push him to always go for more.

In fact, I did not have a problem with being the bread winner until the Holy Spirit convicted me and told me I was subtly placing a curse on my intended. I mean it is NOT the place of a woman to be the SOLE provider. She is the helpmeet, the support system. The bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel!

When I got that understanding, I revamped my mindset. I showed him the scripture, and told him. You know me. You know how driven I am and you know I will not let myself be limited by a man. I will not soft pedal on achieving my dreams because I don't want you to feel inadequate, so you need to sit up.

Then, I began to find ways to push him towards accomplishing his goals. While he was awaiting NYSC, I was the PR manager in a school. I organized the annual Christmas party, which was unlike any the school ever had. We had sponsors and media coverage. He is a great dancer and had a group in school, so I suggested he should consider training the students in dance;salsa, ballet etc. He was excited. I proposed the idea to the board and he was hired as the choreographer. He did an EXCELLENT job!

Next, I had an idea for weddings, talked to him about it and we made business cards. He was the MD and I Business development manager. Our biggest client was from him. (An aunt of his).

Shortly, he went for NYSC and I secured another job in another city. I developed his resume and would check for jobs online, write cover letter and apply on his behalf.

Now, several years after. I am AMAZED at the man he has become! I am soo proud of him. He is a sales Engineer, confident, driven and dedicated. He once told me he used to think he couldn't get a job without connections. But now, he doesn't think there's any interview he'll go for that he wouldn't scale through. I remember, I used to prep him for interviews back then.

I asked him recently, where that unmotivated, timid guy was, and he gave me one kind look. LOL. Now, I don't have to do any of those work I used to do because he is on top of his game.

I really thank God because even his mum, turned around and loved me when she saw the direction her son's life was headed and realized he was at his best with me in his life.

In summary, I just want to say, we should endeavor to make an impact in the lives of people we encounter. 9months is too short to give up on him. Give it your best, if it means finding time to search for jobs with him and even applying on his behalf, do it. His seeming controlling nature may just be because he feels insecure. Help him get past the insecurities. I believe the role of a woman is to build up her man, to help him reach his full potentials. That is why there is no end to how high a man can rise if he's got a good woman by his side.

That laid back dude today can become a driven, goal oriented man tomorrow. Mine is a living proof. smiley he is not just an Engineer, he got certified in HSE and picked up great designing skills. I once got a contract to supply table top calendars. He designed it and managed the printing process. I would have spent 100k, paying a designer for the designs. He stays dedicated to tasks and wouldn't give up until he has seen it through. I didn't see these qualities in him before and wouldn't have known it was in there if I gave up on him.

All the best gurl. kiss

1freshdude:
Like TOTALLY? Does that include my profile?

Tallesty1:
Like seriously, who is the right man?

I personally don't subscribe to the shitty idea that there exists one particular person that's meant for you...........

I also do not believe in the idea of a wrong person loving you right.

If he dresses like a gay, hangs out with gays and walks like a gay then he's definitely a gay.

If he loves you right then he's the right person. There is no two way about it.

The op thinks he's the wrong person because he isn't rich and handsome.

Is alright.


God is watching.

vfactor:
29? U still young na!

irishCream:
God is watching, in 3D I guess...lol

What's wrong if I desire someone presentable and financially stable?

So it's only you guys that are supposed to go for the beautiful and educated girls, why the double standard for men in marriage

sonofananimal:
DON'T WORRY, GOD HAS ALREADY DESTINE HER TO MARRY A MAD MAN, WITH TIME SHE WILL FIND THE PERFECT MADMAN WHO SHE WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH

cecegorz:
1. Never marry out of pity
2. Never marry anyone you are not proud to be with in public

Now, hold your 2 ears and repeat these statements to yourself 10 times. Loudly!

irishCream:
Dear Family I'm in deep shiiit, so confused on what to do right now.

I just turned 29 few days ago and have been out of a serious relationship for over a year now.

irishCream:
Dear Family I'm in deep shiiit, so confused on what to do right now.

I just turned 29 few days ago and have been out of a serious relationship for over a year now.

Have been waiting patiently for that right man to come along but unfortunately it only the wrong ones that keep coming my way, they just want to have a feel of my sweet body and off they go, no genuine intentions.

Now there's a brother that have been friendzoning for over two years now [/b]yet he keep persisting, good a thing I'm not the type that pretends so I told him from day one he asked me out that I'm not interested in him except on friendship level, I told him I don't feel him emotionally but he keep hanging on hoping I change my mind with time, my reasons for rejecting him is cos to me he's not presentable enough and [b]I can't be proud introducing him to my people and again he got no good paid job (why on earth must he be poor and ugly at the same time, what kind of torture is that ). He's just managing in a private firm that pays less than 50k.

But what makes me have a rethink is the character of this my friendzoned brother, he keeps in touch despite my rejecting him, he even offer little financial assistance when I'm in need, when I asked him why he's doing all these to a girl that openly reject him he claims he has faith that I'll consider him one day, sometimes I'm forced to suspect if he has cast a spell on me so another good man won't come my way.

Now he has called to schedule a date tomorrow and I know as usual he wants to remind me that the year is running that I should consider his request since he hope to settle down this year.

Please dear Family advice me accordingly is it advisable I say yes to a man I don't feel a thing for emotionally? Can I ever get to love him? I do hear love grows but I don't believe in such!!!

MissSlimbody:
You don't have to say yes to him because the right man hasn't come along.

Never go into a relationship out of pity or desperation.

jaybee3:
Surely you will frustrate yourself out of the marriage If you marry the wrong one out of desperation

You will almost certainly leave your man if your sole reason for marrying them borders along their financial strength. You need to love someone for whom they are not what they have

BTW: Are you working?

bellong:
How deep is the shit? What type of shit is it? Is it atomic or AK47 shit... How does it smell? If it is nice smelling shit, it is a good shit and if not, call the services of shit removal, Yorubas call them "agbepo".



Congratulations on your new age... What values did you add to yourself during this relationship hiatus?



To start with, what is your definition for a right man? What is it in those coming to qualify them as wrong?
I hope you were stingy enough not to let everyone that comes your way to be having a feel of your "sweet body"? Between, picture of the sweet body or .....


Abraham Lincoln and Pa Buhari must be this brother's mentors.....


This is maturity. Defining your relationship from onset. Kudos



Yes, you told him, you didn't have that emotional/butterfly thingy feeling for him but what you didn't tell him is the reason why you weren't having it. You should have told him that you never dreamt of being in a relationship with a broke nigga. Your taste in guys is rich and handsome. You can't be proud of him because he is not looking good despite having a good heart. He has failed in all ramifications of your assessment. You only told the poor brother half truth. This is what is called being economical with the truth.

I must say your real problem lies in this paragraph. Your desired qualities in men are parochial and vanity. You are not looking out for something that can last you for a lifetime. Vain beauty and empty pocket... It may be why "providence" is not yet smiling on you. You lack the desired wisdom and skill to identify a good man outside his look and pocket. Before you misinterprete me, I am not saying you should be watching out for a poor person but if your motivation is money, it is the foundation of failure.

A broke guy today with passion, vision and ambition can never be broke forever. If you lack the Eagle's eyes, you can never see potentials in a gold mine. Diamond, Gold and every precious metal does not come shinning until they pass through fire.

My question is, if you call someone broke, why are you broke yourself? I thought some of you ladies are of the opinion that you are not marrying any guy for his money.



In this, it is this guy that I have pity for. He doesn't know why you don't like him. If he suddenly becomes rich tomorrow, I am sure your love will come so strong for the poor dude... The guy likes you and he thinks he can't get someone better than you. It is why he is hopelessly waiting. When I was very much younger and of no experience, I waited endlessly and hopelessly for a girl like this till heavens borrowed me brain...



He knows you will soon become desperate as you approach that age women loathe with passion. He will remind you that your biological clock is ticking and it s good for you to take the option you have before becoming a prayer point in your church or mosque.



You are asking the wrong question. Nobody can tell you who to say yes to but yourself. You never liked this guy and you still don't like him, it is not reasonable saying yes. Love is not emotion but decision. You have decided not to ever love him and there is no point beating a dead bush. Free him and let him find his wife elsewhere. Saying yes will only make his life miserable if situation does not change when you want it.

I plead with you, free the ugly and broke guy please.

I wish you well in your search for an houseband...

ronald4lif:
Yea I know it's my dearest, and had to drop my 2cent.

While there's no known formula for love to mellow but the chances are slim without finance. Hence methink you shouldn't get involved. For a guy to adhere on a friendzone that long definitely means it would be very arduous getting rid of him should the need spring up.

You're right to premise your decision based on his financial threshold and elegance. There's nothing wrong with that actually. There are touchstone which everyone takes into account before embarking on a relationship. If boobs, ass and body elegance is a prerequisite for guys to mull over before loving a girl, without most times putting into effect character then it shouldn't be a problem if a girl put finance into account.

Good luck with whichever decision you settle on but please I'd strongly advice you refrain from collecting anything from him before he conceive it to be consent or you're indebted to him.

Ephemmm:
But she is enjoying a little financial assistance rendered without having an emotional connection with him: what a parasitic exuberance!

UjSizzle:
You should pray for wisdom. It doesn't get any better than that.

Tallesty1:
She can motivate him to hustle more.


My ex did and I still respect her for it.


The girl is gotta put in some effort y'know, nothing good comes easy

pbs4real:
wisdom kwa! Lng story. . .u jez read her post saying the dude is poor and uuglee. . .ma sis the ish is simple let her 4get the dude and continue the search for her mr right. .
N.B: he has to be HANDSOME,RICH,6PACKS AND ALSO WORKING IN CHEVRON. . . ask irishcream she wld affirm all i said. . tanku

proxillin:
[size=18pt]Girls!

The problem is. They always have this imaginary image of the right man.

Just because their friend married a guy with six packs, handsome, tall working with Chevron,....they start thinking they will meet the same.

And they spend their whole life looking for mr right,

The truth of the matter is, they end up meeting mr. right. But mr right will use them for sexual pleasure.

Its not the fault of mr. right. Mr. right also has some women mounting pressure on him to marry them.

A good thing is not meant for a single person. Thats why Mr. rights always come to have a taste of your body.
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UjSizzle:
You should pray for wisdom. It doesn't get any better than that.

IBBG:
I just luv and admire ur apt and swaggalicious use of words in espousing ur opinion. Thumbs up.

jaybee3:
Was he forced?

Not like he is a baby or whatnot

Obviously, the worst way to woo a woman is by enticing them with money. They will simply fall in love with the money and leave when it stops flowing.

They are friends and he seems to be helping her out albeit because he has some sort of feelings for her

UjSizzle:
Wisdom profits to direct.

She should ask for wisdom. The best part? It is free.

My dear get down on your knees and pray. And then do whatever God tells you. Simple.