MarvellousGod:
Since you don't love him, please stay clear.. Don't go into marriage out of pity... You have known him for over 2yrs, yet no feeling whatsoever. How sure are you it'll come after marriage?
Hopefully, he'll find someone that will love and appreciate him..



Btw, you call him poor yet still go to him for financial aid.. SMH for you. ..

She said he offerrs. Stoo being judgemental. When I give guys money nobody says shit, I don't even tell anyone but if it is the other way round, we won't hear word. Mtchew! How you know a good person is how they are ready to share the little they have with the person they claim to love.

jaybee3:

I suppose that's why they keep getting burnt

You should borrow them sense

netizenbuzz:


She said he offerrs. Stoo being judgemental. When I give guys money nobody says shit, I don't even tell anyone but if it is the other way round, we won't hear word. Mtchew! How you know a good person is how they are ready to share the little they have with the person they claim to love.

I guess why she doesnt like him is because of his 50k job per month. If the guy is loaded, she wont even think he is ugly.

irishCream:


Yeah I'm working but the pay is token.

Don't term it desperation, have been fine all along it just his good nature and persistence that made me have a rethink, I don't belong to the class that rush into lifetime issues just cos every one else is in it.

Pls don't go into a relationship without knowing the bases... dnt marry out of pity.

Freemanan:
Gbege....




CONFUSED SEF

. You made me laff tire

my current relationship is a similar version of your, i have being on my fiancee for about 4 years now but she only just said yes few weeks ago,am not ugly or poor though.

my advice is get to knowing him better first, i guess that is what my sweetheart did too, because she was seeing me a play boy then according to her, but all tanks to my job that exposes me to crazy and beautiful she couldn't stand such atmosphere.

also can help him correct his current financial status by advising to invest or set his hands on other business. my two cent

Toks2008:


The question is..who is the wrong person and who is the right person for us?

At 40 i had wished several times to go back to age 26 and restart my life from there so that i can correct my mistakes.

Sometimes the person we think is right for us might turn out to be our bane while the people we loathe are actually the real deal.

When a man can readily correct a mistake in choosing a partner,for the lady,it could be calamitious as she would have wasted many years with a wrong choice.

So i ask again..who is the right man for a lady?

the right man for you is not who you have feelings for or who you desire neither is it the person you dream about.

The right man for you is that man who truly loves,cherishes and value you in totality.

Trust me,if you are a woman who ends up marrying a man she loves but does not really love her then she is finished but if a lady marries a man who truly desire her then she is complete.

yes i know you wont get to love him at the initial stage but the make up of a woman is in a way that she will always fall in love deeply with time to a man who truly loves her even if that man is a literal beasty in looks.

Beauty and the beast is not just a fiction but fact of life.

for the lady that wants a drop dead gorgeous as a hubby not minding if he truly wants them please think again because by the time the guy treats you like shit,he will be as ugly as poo and when a supposed ugly partner treats you right,he will always appear to you as the coolest dude on earth.

Jope this helps

100% correct! this is just one truth every single lady must know. Marry the man who loves u deeply and is crazy about u and not vice versa. Of course not without God's guidance cos human love fades.

UjSizzle:

Sometimes we want the things we do not need. We don't see the things that are right in front of us. Sometimes our minds are clouded by our desires. But a Christian believes that God knows best-- He always has. And that's why we pray.
Choosing a life partner isn't the same as picking suitable flowers for a date. A lifetime commitment, this marriage thing. We can't afford to get it wrong. So we'll turn to the one who never gets it wrong.

That's my belief. I don't expect it to make any sense to you if it doesn't.

I can relate to your belief from the stand point of faith but it doesn't explain the fact that even pastors or the best prayer warriors get it wrong.

You can't make plans along the line of faith if you have to compromise on wants from the onset.

No guarantees in life hence the reason for mitigating against risks

Anyhoo... i'm hungry...come and feed me jor

BMM0727:
. You made me laff tire

I confuse Reading the story alone... No idea at all

Hmmm,,take life easy nd choose wisely my dear

Vyolet:
Some of these girls will not wound me with laugh.
Yes everyone wants a good life but it doesn't just come,you work for it. 50k plus salary is enough for a start if you also work and conteibute,there are young men in Nigeria who earn 30k plus and yet married and live simple life,the wife also works and earn money,they combine their finances and manage if well,it shouldn't matter who earns more,as long as bills are paid.
As time goes on,you make sure you encourage your man to spread his tentacles to make more money by bringing business idea or exploring other legal means.
Life shouldn't be about you alone,make the man see you as an asset not liability.
Your "sweet body" is not enough to keep a man.


On a another mode I don't appreciate ugly dudes too,a guy must be above average for me to get attracted to him. . If you ain't cool with his looks then don't force yourself.

YOUR FIRST PARAGRAPH, HAVE SOME MATURITY CONTENT AND GOOD ADVICE


BUT YOUR LAST PARAGRAPH..........
I JUST HAVE TO FORGIVE YOU COS YOU KNOWETH NOT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING

I have painstakingly read through the comments in response to your article and I am inclined to recommend the advice @bellong. He summed up everything. Since you have decided not to love this man, please let him go. You can continue to search or wait for the tall, handsome and rich man to come. But remember it is often said that behind any successful man is a woman" so where did you get this idea of looking for an already accomplished man to marry? such man, will definitely treat you as a gold digger. Goodluck.

just bang him 2 or 3 tyms and see how it goes

irishCream:


Thanks once again, best of them all I must admit, your woman is lucky!

Ah. You never know Jaybee niyen o

call me

My dear,marriage is a tough deal even with d one u love,cos with time,love alone might not be enough to carry d weight dat comes later in d institution,is better to remain single than to b miserable in marriage,is like a moving train,people in d train can't wait to get down while others can't wait to get in.

Leyqute:


Ah. You never know Jaybee niyen o

Who Jaybee be oooo

At age 29, the earlier the better to settle down!

focus on other qualities outside money

there is nothing like "ugly" in men. you are the one to make him look handsome "to you"

firstly, make sure you can you cook - for a man

2nd - you are a mother-to-be

be open to friendship and watchout for the following

have the fear of God and pray

-how well do you know him? family, friends,

-does he listen to you?

-both of you enterprising

-family and types of friends, habits

Advice:give your life to christ, be born again. And all these He will help solve for you...

2sex:
have you heard of concordance/register? please find out in your next English class

Meaning?

irishCream:
Dear Family I'm in deep shiiit, so confused on what to do right now.

I just turned 29 few days ago and have been out of a serious relationship for over a year now.

Have been waiting patiently for that right man to come along but unfortunately it only the wrong ones that keep coming my way, they just want to have a feel of my sweet body and off they go, no genuine intentions.

Now there's a brother that have been friendzoning for over two years now yet he keep persisting, good a thing I'm not the type that pretends so I told him from day one he asked me out that I'm not interested in him except on friendship level, I told him I don't feel him emotionally but he keep hanging on hoping I change my mind with time, my reasons for rejecting him is cos to me he's not presentable enough and I can't be proud introducing him to my people and again he got no good paid job (why on earth must he be poor and ugly at the same time, what kind of torture is that ). He's just managing in a private firm that pays less than 50k.

But what makes me have a rethink is the character of this my friendzoned brother, he keeps in touch despite my rejecting him, he even offer little financial assistance when I'm in need, when I asked him why he's doing all these to a girl that openly reject him he claims he has faith that I'll consider him one day, sometimes I'm forced to suspect if he has cast a spell on me so another good man won't come my way.

Now he has called to schedule a date tomorrow and I know as usual he wants to remind me that the year is running that I should consider his request since he hope to settle down this year.

Please dear Family advice me accordingly is it advisable I say yes to a man I don't feel a thing for emotionally? Can I ever get to love him? I do hear love grows but I don't believe in such!!!

wait on your Lord Jesus Christ

you are better off without him... he should move also and look for another girl that loves him... he had NO options that is why he is on your tail, that is NOT love, it is just SCARCITY.

I think the problem with our younger ladies these days is that they really don't know the power they posses in making a guy who truly loves the "right" guy for them, there is this mentality that the guy must be "well off" before i say yes to him because they "don't want to suffer".

My ex back in school took a summer job for me just cus i mentioned about having difficulties with my rent, she also linked me with something doing back then to help me with my problem and despite what happened btw us i always tell her some very lucky man will marry her someday, hardly asks for anything, very hard-working and self sufficient oh i digress.

Young lady you need to get something to add to your resume, something apart from your "sexy body" that would make some of the more "successful" guys want to keep you forever, some ladies just naturally pass off this negative vibe when you with them, its all so formal and straightforward, nothing intriguing about them in fact the only place they actually surprise you is in bed with their multiple skills and then that's it.

I'd advise you let the young man be and work on yourself more, surely there has to be a reason the rich and cute guys don't stay with you

irishCream:


God is watching, in 3D I guess...lol

What's wrong if I desire someone presentable and financially stable?

So it's only you guys that are supposed to go for the beautiful and educated girls, why the double standard for men in marriage

You're 29 yrs old (or not) abi?

An adage says "he who lets go of the tail of an animal he has caught in order to catch the head ends up with nothing".

Advise yasef

Tallesty1:
Like seriously, who is the right man?

I personally don't subscribe to the shitty idea that there exists one particular person that's meant for you...........

I also do not believe in the idea of a wrong person loving you right.

If he dresses like a gay, hangs out with gays and walks like a gay then he's definitely a gay.

If he loves you right then he's the right person. There is no two way about it.

The op thinks he's the wrong person because he isn't rich and handsome.

Is alright.


God is watching.

Op abeg no mind these broke ass niggas trying to rub off their insecurity on you. You'll end up living a very miserable life. We all know hustling does not always bring good results. You can hustle from now till eternity and still not make it. A poor man does not always equate to a good man. Not everyone who treats you right is the right husband for you. Don't be deceived.
I have a close relative who was in the same situation and I'm sure she's regretting the decision she made till today. She married a poor man, God-fearing. He was persistent and even manipulated her with the scriptures. She married him only to realise he had an ego the size od mount everest. There's nothing more annoying and irritating than a poor man with a huge ego. Yes, he loves her I can attest to that. However, I can't say the same for her even after 25 years of marriage. She knows he loves her in his own way but I've never heard her say the same about him. She is enduring a marriage she's supposed to enjoy. She is still the main bread winner till today. Any investment she makes she puts in his name yet he still throws a trantum if he feels she's not doing enough. Even the children are programmed to request anything they want from their mum. Family and friends still tell her that she's the only one that could have married him because he is such a hard man to please.
I'm not asking you to be a gold digger, as you can see from my story this my relative can hold herself and her kids on her own. However, please marry a man that can atleast take care of your children properly even if not you. You can not carry child for 9months and still be the one running around to make sure they eat. An income of less than 50k is too small to run a family in naija comfortably. Emergencies nko? I still lost a cousin some years ago because she was in labour for hours and her hubby could not afford to transfer her to a better hospital. He was to egoistic to even call the family for help. She died just like that. If you want to marry a poor, be ready for all the disadvantages that come with it which is more than all these advicers on NL are letting on. More importantly is the need for you to build yourself and your career. You should be focusing on that now and not on a man. Just my two cents.

The guys will always advise you to marry an ugly person or a broke guy. These same guys will never marry an ugly babe or one that's desperately in love with them but doesn't have what they seek physically.

Have standard and stick to it. U will find someone that loves you within your standard. Never settle for less. Else u will cheat on that ugly and broke man one day

I decided to go through the thread and I am not surprised by most of the comments I see.

anyway, op your mind is all made up. If you don't have feelings for him, then reiterate that fact to him again when you both meet. we all have standards when it comes to who we want to settle down with. what one person wants is different from others. don't settle for him out of pity or with the mindset of letting love grow because more often than not, it backfires.

the same guys abusing you are the ones that will still have requirements for a girl they intend to marry in future. smh

take all the advice you feel is useful and discard the rest.

above all, wisdom is profitable to direct.

cheers.

Since u said he s not presentable n dats not ur choice of man den u hv to let d friend things continue. Don't pity anyone cos no one ll pity u wen d marriage turns d other way

I did like 2 chip in on this, alot of us tend 2 believe abt d norm surrounding love hoping 2 find a guy or gal that matches our fantasies but d truth is not everyone experience dat in d real world hence gal if think d guy is nt up 2 ur class of man n also feel 4 him d fact dat he is always by ur side then I did advice u, First of all nobody has a Gun 2 ur head asking u 2 marry him right away n secondly u nt in any relationship at present so even if it is hard 4 u I did advise u 2 try n date him for a while u ve nothing 2 lose cos friend zone is not d same as a relationship n if u think he is not touche enuf trying showing him d things he is missing u might be surprised Wat people can do for love n d heart can be a myth sometimes u might think it's pity u feel 4 him but actually grow in loving him..cos alot of relationship happens like dat not everyone gets dat instant spark of love. But u can still tell him 2 f**k off n wait 4 prince charming coming with his white Horse n shining blade 2 come an rescue u.. No condition is permanent. Enuf said

netizenbuzz:


Op abeg no mind these broke ass niggas trying to rub off their insecurity on you. You'll end up living a very miserable life. We all know hustling does not always bring good results. You can hustle from now till eternity and still not make it. A poor man does not always equate to a good man. Not everyone who treats you right is the right husband for you. Don't be deceived.
I have a close relative who was in the same situation and I'm sure she's regretting the decision she made till today. She married a poor man, God-fearing. He was persistent and even manipulated her with the scriptures. She married him only to realise he had an ego the size od mount everest. There's nothing more annoying and irritating than a poor man with a huge ego. Yes, he loves her I can attest to that. However, I can't say the same for her even after 25 years of marriage. She knows he loves her in his own way but I've never heard her say the same about him. She is enduring a marriage she's supposed to enjoy. She is still the main bread winner till today. Any investment she makes she puts in his name yet he still throws a trantum if he feels she's not doing enough. Even the children are programmed to request anything they want from their mum. Family and friends still tell her that she's the only one that could have married him because he is such a hard man to please.
I'm not asking you to be a gold digger, as you can see from my story this my relative can hold herself and her kids on her own. However, please marry a man that can atleast take care of your children properly even if not you. You can not carry child for 9months and still be the one running around to make sure they eat. An income of less than 50k is too small to run a family in naija comfortably. Emergencies nko? I still lost a cousin some years ago because she was in labour for hours and her hubby could not afford to transfer her to a better hospital. He was to egoistic to even call the family for help. She died just like that. If you want to marry a poor, be ready for all the disadvantages that come with it which is more than all these advicers on NL are letting on. More importantly is the need for you to build yourself and your career. You should be focusing on that now and not on a man. Just my two cents.

The Op mentioned physical attributes and current financial standing as her primary reasons why she's kept the dude at bay all this time.

Your sister's reservations concerning her husband (according to you) centers around his ego. Regardless of his financial standing, this said ego will persist.

I think you should have just made your point without the analogy. I'm probably wrong but it's rather confusing to the unenlightened mind as mine.

irishCream:
Dear Family I'm in deep shiiit, so confused on what to do right now.

I just turned 29 few days ago and have been out of a serious relationship for over a year now.

Have been waiting patiently for that right man to come along but unfortunately it only the wrong ones that keep coming my way, they just want to have a feel of my sweet body and off they go, no genuine intentions.

Now there's a brother that have been friendzoning for over two years now yet he keep persisting, good a thing I'm not the type that pretends so I told him from day one he asked me out that I'm not interested in him except on friendship level, I told him I don't feel him emotionally but he keep hanging on hoping I change my mind with time, my reasons for rejecting him is cos to me he's not presentable enough and I can't be proud introducing him to my people and again he got no good paid job (why on earth must he be poor and ugly at the same time, what kind of torture is that ). He's just managing in a private firm that pays less than 50k.

But what makes me have a rethink is the character of this my friendzoned brother, he keeps in touch despite my rejecting him, he even offer little financial assistance when I'm in need, when I asked him why he's doing all these to a girl that openly reject him he claims he has faith that I'll consider him one day, sometimes I'm forced to suspect if he has cast a spell on me so another good man won't come my way.

Now he has called to schedule a date tomorrow and I know as usual he wants to remind me that the year is running that I should consider his request since he hope to settle down this year.

Please dear Family advice me accordingly is it advisable I say yes to a man I don't feel a thing for emotionally? Can I ever get to love him? I do hear love grows but I don't believe in such!!!

Finance is important in a rship, if u r working and comfortable y nt date n consider this Bros he may jst b d one. At 29 u r closing in on thirties n u ve to b very careful.

jaybee3:


I only asked you about your employment situation so as to ascertain if your requirement for a money bag has something to do with your view of marriage has a gateway to financial security.

If he is good to you and his persistence which could be easily analysed as him having genuine love for you is not enough for you to see beyond the norm then you might not find a good man going forward.

Below are the key criteria you ought to consider when choosing a partner:

Potential: His he educated and good work ethic
Values: Is he morally upright?
Faith: Does your faith align
Listening skills: Does he allow you contribute or he is a pushover
Accommodating: Does he accommodate your flaws

All the above will help you sustain your home not money

I don't think that this is what the OP meant. I think she means should she agree to date a guy she has known for more than 2 years who is caring and shows her love but she doesn't feel anything for?

I understand her because sometimes i wonder the same thing. I have a number of 'suitors' who check all the right boxes according to ur list. Have potential, aligned faith, same values etc but no matter how much time I try to spend with them I don't get any feeling. No emotions at all beyond maybe friendship. And I'm not in a serious relationship.

The question is do u go ahead and date someone u have absolutely no feelings for just because he checks all the right boxes and treats u right? Will it work out?

netizenbuzz:


Op abeg no mind these broke ass niggas trying to rub off their insecurity on you. You'll end up living a very miserable life. We all know hustling does not always bring good results. You can hustle from now till eternity and still not make it. A poor man does not always equate to a good man. Not everyone who treats you right is the right husband for you. Don't be deceived.
I have a close relative who was in the same situation and I'm sure she's regretting the decision she made till today. She married a poor man, God-fearing. He was persistent and even manipulated her with the scriptures. She married him only to realise he had an ego the size od mount everest. There's nothing more annoying and irritating than a poor man with a huge ego. Yes, he loves her I can attest to that. However, I can't say the same for her even after 25 years of marriage. She knows he loves her in his own way but I've never heard her say the same about him. She is enduring a marriage she's supposed to enjoy. She is still the main bread winner till today. Any investment she makes she puts in his name yet he still throws a trantum if he feels she's not doing enough. Even the children are programmed to request anything they want from their mum. Family and friends still tell her that she's the only one that could have married him because he is such a hard man to please.
I'm not asking you to be a gold digger, as you can see from my story this my relative can hold herself and her kids on her own. However, please marry a man that can atleast take care of your children properly even if not you. You can not carry child for 9months and still be the one running around to make sure they eat. An income of less than 50k is too small to run a family in naija comfortably. Emergencies nko? I still lost a cousin some years ago because she was in labour for hours and her hubby could not afford to transfer her to a better hospital. He was to egoistic to even call the family for help. She died just like that. If you want to marry a poor, be ready for all the disadvantages that come with it which is more than all these advicers on NL are letting on. More importantly is the need for you to build yourself and your career. You should be focusing on that now and not on a man. Just my two cents.

gbam.

you couldn't have said it any better.