Tomfrench:
According to one certain HR,

"Most CV envelopes (hard copy), of people that manage to submit in person, or by proxy, are either saturated with Olive oil... or one tiny goodluck charm or the other..."

we now live in the ERA, where people say "Its either I get the job, OR the HR goes blind"

These HRs, I feel their pain sha

lol.... this got me rolling on d foor

Krysstie:
One of the most common Nigerian trend is for unemployed graduates to lament about sending out their CVs over a hundred times a month without getting a single feedback. They even curse the government for not giving them jobs.

What if I say most Nigerian graduates are unemployable? It’s high time you all stop disturbing the mailboxes of recruitment agencies and companies who have better things to do than reading your CVs.

I’m not a Human Resource manager, HR or whatever term they give to those people. I don’t run a recruitment agency. I’m just an observer in one corner of Lagos, almost as good as unemployed. Sometime last week I was opportune to help place a job ad and receive the CVs that come in. Receiving CVs is one of the most difficult part of being a HR. First, the job listing sites do not help matters. You place a job ad in one site because you don’t want your mailbox to overflow with CVs, then other job sites you never knew existed take it upon themselves to publish.

I was set for the excitement and fun that came with receiving CVs for the first time, so I let the job listing sites do what they please, without inkling that it would be a frustrating experience.

As the CVs began to troop in, all I expected was to get applicants who had the relevant job experience stated in the ad, but the reverse was the case. Why would you apply for a job you clearly know you’re not qualified?

The job experience contained in your CV is ‘bar attendant’, ‘sales officer’ and ‘lab attendant’, then you go ahead to apply for the role of web content developer. How does that work? Even if you’re graduate of Mass Communication, I’ll send your CV to trash. Sorry.

Several times I’ve called on people who are unemployed, to take up jobs as guest writers, volunteers and others, where they would be paid little or nothing, but they gain experience which they would include in their CVs. This suggestion of mine has always been turned down. Everyone wants money, not experience. This is why they keep carrying empty CVs, applying for jobs that require experience and having their CVs sent to trash almost all the time.

The most annoying part of my experience was when I felt really insulted. How on earth will you send your CV to multiple companies at the same time? First, you’re not qualified, then I see you sent your CV to my company, Dangote, FCMB and Chrisland schools’ recruitment email. This is just wrong. You don’t even stop there, you go ahead to send it with a funny subject like – ‘Here! My CV, for employment’.

Another version of this was the one who forwarded the application email he had just sent to another company. It doesn’t end there, the CV wasn’t in Microsoft word format, not in PDF, but pasted in the body of the email. Yes. That’s how bad it was.

You see, when the HR manager or whoever is receiving CVs get 20+ mails from unqualified individuals, the next question that comes to mind is, “Can I just get a few qualified applicants”? The moment about 5 qualified CVs arrive, that’s almost always the end of the show. If the HR is not as impatient as I am, he or she might decide to go through the frustrating experience of opening another 20+ unqualified CVs in a bid to wait for 5 more qualified applicants.

This is what happens when you’re qualified but never get called. There are tons of people applying, 80 percent of the CVs are empty and unqualified. Once the HR gets 5 percent of qualified applicants that he needs, the door closes and the remaining CVs might never get opened because it’s frustrating to open yet another scary document.

Again, I’m not a HR, but I have acted it, and it’s really frustrating to receive CVs. You’re 31 years of age, meaning you must have finished your Secondary School education many years ago. There’s no argument about that because you graduated from the University in 2009. Secondary School will definitely be a long time ago. Now, why bring it into your CV that you were a time keeper during your Secondary School days? Who cares about that? Does it relate to the job you’re applying for? Even if it does, no one will take a look at that.

Qualification and experience is stated in job ads, pay attention. Applying for jobs doesn’t mean sending your CV to whatever recruitment email you come across. It’s a serious business!
If your job application is not a serious business for you, it is for the HR. Don’t go about getting phone numbers from the websites of companies who place job ads. This might sound strange, but it’s real. You come across a job ad you’re qualified for, and instead of sending your CV to the email provided, you go ahead to the company’s website, pick a phone number that was provided for inquiry purpose and then call to give unwanted ‘gists’ about how qualified you are for the role. No one is interested. Save your airtime and send your CV!

The job recruitment and application process is just crazy! From just one job ad, over a 100 CVs are received. How about a solution? There should probably be a way to close the mailboxes after a maximum number of CVs has been received. It’s really frustrating for the HR, and also frustrating for you to keep applying for jobs month after month without feedback. Save your CV from a life in the trash folder. Get experience! Read the job ad over and over again to know if your qualification and experience fit! Make things easy for yourself and whoever is receiving the CVs.

You’re probably asking how on earth you’ll get experience if you don’t get employed? There are tons of jobs that do not require experience, take advantage of them and respect the wish of those who seek experienced applicants. I had fun receiving CVs as a pretend HR, but at this point, it’s no longer fun. The mailbox is weeping, and as frustrated as I am. Tell those still applying that it’s all over. Let them know they’ll never get a feedback. In fact, inform them that successful applicants have not only been selected, they’ve also resumed work.

All the best in your job search!

http://houseofmo.com/diary-of-a-pretend-hr/

Lmao.
If you did the right thing, you'd probably have a job too but hey!!!...

princeshijman:
seriously u are unemployable..u wey dey find job wey no fit read ow many paragraph.ow u wan take crosscheck ur c.v, go solve ur ish first cus na u nid to revisit ur institution. u are a disgrace to o.a.u

What are you even saying, so am now a disgrace to my school just because I didn't read the whole write-up. You're such a clown and so so dump to argue with. Not reading a write-up that won't land me a job now makes me unemployable. Ode ni e

Op your write-up, cool as it may seem to you is a little arrogant and insensitive. Do I think many Nigerian youths are unemployable, yes I do, but are they more jerk than you for trying out every job ad, no I don't. It's called desperation. Next time dear Op, try to speak blessings and not discouragement into people's lives.

Hawlahscho:



Sorry man, am through with you.


***modified***


"If you keep throwing stone @ every dog that barks @u, you may not get to your destination"



I REALLY WISH YOU READ THE LITTLE WRITE UP AND GAIN FROM IT

Why should I read the write-up, she only post her opinions which may not work for others and besides the whole write-up does not makes much sense to me. You can go to he'll and give up on yourself

Damalex4luv:

What are you even saying, so am now a disgrace to my school just because I didn't read the whole write-up. You're such a clown and so so dump to argue with. Not reading a write-up that won't land me a job now makes me unemployable. Ode ni e

lol...now i see why u are nt yet employed..foolish guy..

princeshijman:
lol...now i see why u are nt yet employed..foolish guy..

Enu e lowa yen. Stop quoting me and keep your stup1d advice to yourself and your unborn children

Damalex4luv:

Enu e lowa yen. Stop quoting me and keep your stup1d advice to yourself and your unborn children

dude kip ur shit tite God go provide job for u..jst wanna find ur trouble small..bt u for try read d stuff or make u noe yarn am say u noe read am.take care.

Krysstie:
One of the most common Nigerian trend is for unemployed graduates to lament about sending out their CVs over a hundred times a month without getting a single feedback. They even curse the government for not giving them jobs.

What if I say most Nigerian graduates are unemployable? It’s high time you all stop disturbing the mailboxes of recruitment agencies and companies who have better things to do than reading your CVs.

I’m not a Human Resource manager, HR or whatever term they give to those people. I don’t run a recruitment agency. I’m just an observer in one corner of Lagos, almost as good as unemployed. Sometime last week I was opportune to help place a job ad and receive the CVs that come in. Receiving CVs is one of the most difficult part of being a HR. First, the job listing sites do not help matters. You place a job ad in one site because you don’t want your mailbox to overflow with CVs, then other job sites you never knew existed take it upon themselves to publish.

I was set for the excitement and fun that came with receiving CVs for the first time, so I let the job listing sites do what they please, without inkling that it would be a frustrating experience.

As the CVs began to troop in, all I expected was to get applicants who had the relevant job experience stated in the ad, but the reverse was the case. Why would you apply for a job you clearly know you’re not qualified?

The job experience contained in your CV is ‘bar attendant’, ‘sales officer’ and ‘lab attendant’, then you go ahead to apply for the role of web content developer. How does that work? Even if you’re graduate of Mass Communication, I’ll send your CV to trash. Sorry.

Several times I’ve called on people who are unemployed, to take up jobs as guest writers, volunteers and others, where they would be paid little or nothing, but they gain experience which they would include in their CVs. This suggestion of mine has always been turned down. Everyone wants money, not experience. This is why they keep carrying empty CVs, applying for jobs that require experience and having their CVs sent to trash almost all the time.

The most annoying part of my experience was when I felt really insulted. How on earth will you send your CV to multiple companies at the same time? First, you’re not qualified, then I see you sent your CV to my company, Dangote, FCMB and Chrisland schools’ recruitment email. This is just wrong. You don’t even stop there, you go ahead to send it with a funny subject like – ‘Here! My CV, for employment’.

Another version of this was the one who forwarded the application email he had just sent to another company. It doesn’t end there, the CV wasn’t in Microsoft word format, not in PDF, but pasted in the body of the email. Yes. That’s how bad it was.

You see, when the HR manager or whoever is receiving CVs get 20+ mails from unqualified individuals, the next question that comes to mind is, “Can I just get a few qualified applicants”? The moment about 5 qualified CVs arrive, that’s almost always the end of the show. If the HR is not as impatient as I am, he or she might decide to go through the frustrating experience of opening another 20+ unqualified CVs in a bid to wait for 5 more qualified applicants.

This is what happens when you’re qualified but never get called. There are tons of people applying, 80 percent of the CVs are empty and unqualified. Once the HR gets 5 percent of qualified applicants that he needs, the door closes and the remaining CVs might never get opened because it’s frustrating to open yet another scary document.

Again, I’m not a HR, but I have acted it, and it’s really frustrating to receive CVs. You’re 31 years of age, meaning you must have finished your Secondary School education many years ago. There’s no argument about that because you graduated from the University in 2009. Secondary School will definitely be a long time ago. Now, why bring it into your CV that you were a time keeper during your Secondary School days? Who cares about that? Does it relate to the job you’re applying for? Even if it does, no one will take a look at that.

Qualification and experience is stated in job ads, pay attention. Applying for jobs doesn’t mean sending your CV to whatever recruitment email you come across. It’s a serious business!
If your job application is not a serious business for you, it is for the HR. Don’t go about getting phone numbers from the websites of companies who place job ads. This might sound strange, but it’s real. You come across a job ad you’re qualified for, and instead of sending your CV to the email provided, you go ahead to the company’s website, pick a phone number that was provided for inquiry purpose and then call to give unwanted ‘gists’ about how qualified you are for the role. No one is interested. Save your airtime and send your CV!

The job recruitment and application process is just crazy! From just one job ad, over a 100 CVs are received. How about a solution? There should probably be a way to close the mailboxes after a maximum number of CVs has been received. It’s really frustrating for the HR, and also frustrating for you to keep applying for jobs month after month without feedback. Save your CV from a life in the trash folder. Get experience! Read the job ad over and over again to know if your qualification and experience fit! Make things easy for yourself and whoever is receiving the CVs.

You’re probably asking how on earth you’ll get experience if you don’t get employed? There are tons of jobs that do not require experience, take advantage of them and respect the wish of those who seek experienced applicants. I had fun receiving CVs as a pretend HR, but at this point, it’s no longer fun. The mailbox is weeping, and as frustrated as I am. Tell those still applying that it’s all over. Let them know they’ll never get a feedback. In fact, inform them that successful applicants have not only been selected, they’ve also resumed work.

All the best in your job search!

http://houseofmo.com/diary-of-a-pretend-hr/

Corrections shouldbe taken or unemployment claims would increase

princeshijman:
dude kip ur shit tite God go provide job for u..jst wanna find ur trouble small..bt u for try read d stuff or make u noe yarn am say u noe read am.take care.

Amen! Thanks
Just want to correct the notion that me reading the article would have landed me a job is a totally wrong assumption. Its an opinion from an unemployed youth like me which doesn't reflect the opinions of others. I hope you get to understand my point. I later read through the write-up after my 1st post on the topic but I noticed the writer is too sentimental and too condemning. Most people that get a job in nigeria of today never got it by merit but who and who you knows. So it's only by God's favour that one can get a job on merit.

Tomfrench:
According to one certain HR,

"Most CV envelopes (hard copy), of people that manage to submit in person, or by proxy, are either saturated with Olive oil... or one tiny goodluck charm or the other..."

we now live in the ERA, where people say "Its either I get the job, OR the HR goes blind"

These HRs, I feel their pain sha

Hilarious

@op,Jst as u send CVs to trash bin, i am send dis post to my waste bin..

[quote author=Princepri post=36163836]
Op no make unemployed graduates ves' with you and curse you do you know the pain some of them go through after been jobless for a longtime after grauduating from the uni without a job still depending on their parents for their basic needs when it is them who supposed to feed their parents
I think you got to respect yourself because you are opportuned to be in an office or a ceo of an organisation does not make others your steeping stone.



It's not wrong to 'hussle' for a job, but do it the right way and follow the instructions given. I think that's what the OP was trying to pass across. I'm surprised that you couldn't see that.

Most recruitments in Nigerian companies are not based on merit or how well-laid-out one's CV is. Op,I'm sure you know better.

Krysstie:


Nice point! Employers should 'carry out seminars, career fairs e.t.c in Nigerian universities making them aware of the requirements of employability'. Then, the write up is not meant to impress and squeeze out praises from you. No one has to like it...I just shared my experience and gave little advice that I felt will be of help...

Pardon me about the praise aspect: it was my feelings getting in the way of my criticism.

Op, why make things difficult when technology makes things easier these days. Adopt technology full scale and quit whining, its annoying Please...

castro316:


Ok let me put it this way. Can u do something for me just a simple favor.
1) Go to well paying firm of ur choice
2) strike a deal with the the manager that u want to work for free. that he should give u just enough to pay for you feeding and transport
3)bear it in mind that this is going to be a very tough time for u but u only need to gain experience from that firm
4)forget about laws and learn everything u can from that biz. Even though ur boss shouts on u. In short be result oriented
Make sure the point men i.e the manager accounts, supervisors of that company recognize ur efforts
5)take a journal and write reports of how the biz run and see how to make that biz better

6)learn to be an expert in writing letters. That's one weapon in the corporate world. Know how to write in a way to convince whoever and not offend the person

7) be as humble as possible. If possible stay on the ground. If u r pisssed, relax and remember it is just for a short while - one year
Ur motive actually is to work as a spy. Ur objective is to get as many contacts as u can as fast as possible including the customers that will help u one day outside that premises be nice to them. These ppl are ppl u don't see walking on the streets everyday but u catch them in such places
Discuss on a cup of coffee with ur boss how u can make this or that better in the company and u will see how ur boss will open up to you

Even though u don't get to work there again u already have the experience for ur cv and COOONNTAACCTS FOR UR NEXT JOB

That's what u get from working without payment.

Let me tell you, talking about good contact, I can boast of having reasonable ones my first volunteer and official assignment was with NNPC / NAPIMS during my industrial trainee program, I moved to Mobil for another six month just working for free, do you know my monthly income then? just #7,500 , after six month in Mobil, I move to chevron for another six just offering volunteer service, during my industrial training in napims I was the executive assistance to the director of internal audit anytime all the ogas are away I held the office guiding some of the staffs, after the IT I was called by the admin manager to sit back and work with her as a staff, my director Warned me to return to school, and I was young, I have to wear nysc Jersey because I don't want to regret not wearing that Jersey, I picked up the courage and returned to school, now I have masters of international business degree from hult international business school. I can say I understand Nigeria challenges better than you I return to Nigeria to startup an NGO and I'm Fine with my social enterprise because I just want to me happy,

on the issue of insult by your boss, it is wrong anywhere in the word for you to commit emotional murder as a boss,.. my director Once slap is driver because he couldn't find him after meeting and he kept him in the sun for ten minutes, thou the case was brought to the office as young as I was, I still manage to resolve the conflict and I become a star, the danger of emotional trauma is that, it keeps you in the office as a robot, you can't be happy doing the job,.and if you refuse to do the needful one day the company will kick you out and you will find reason to start searching for your true self.

on the issue of working without payment, listen to the truth and listen good, in life there is time for everything, you will understand this when you start having children. I won't talk much on that,

Nigeria have a big problem not doubt about that in terms of job creation and employability, that is Why we are canvasing for entrepreneurship rather than job searching because the jobs are not there go to public institutions make enquiries what are the ratio of employees intake annually compare to rate of graduates produced by NYSC every quarter of the year, the result will shock you. this was why i laud tony elumelu foundation on enterprise, you need to see the world to know the difference between hell and fire ,well you're still a corper make good use of your time like I told you earlier, Nigeria is yet to get it right on employability

Please am really guilty of using MY CV as the subject please can you give me a better subject that I can use when sending my CV soft copy.

Thanks.

Tomfrench:
According to one certain HR,

"Most CV envelopes (hard copy), of people that manage to submit in person, or by proxy, are either saturated with Olive oil... or one tiny goodluck charm or the other..."

we now live in the ERA, where people say "Its either I get the job, OR the HR goes blind"

These HRs, I feel their pain sha

Just to ask,how do we then think those in mail rooms of both corporate and NIPOST survive?
Do you know there was a time when you get letter it was garri that was used to seal it?
We have learnt to survive. Do you have any friends in management positions in Nigeria? Ask them their experience, some get to work and find even charms or oil at various places like at doors or even seeds under their table;infact I learnt of one whose tea cup was poisoned.
Welcome to Africa bro, but rather than mourn it we have learnt to live with it.

I like this. Thanks.

Damalex4luv:

Olodo made "an fantastic", also you said "what they noticed happening in an HR"
And you claimed to have read the post. I pray all the curses stated in your post are all urs. You must be very stupid for even qouting me. Try go back to school because we're not mates idiot

@Vulcan was making a valid point though. The poster made valid points and you skipped it, apparently. Well, since you're still looking for a job, I suggest you read the post.

PubLlcEnemy:


People made mistakes out of desperation,instead of advicing them on how to go about things in future you are here insulting your head....Thank God you too are jobless.








Big Fool.
Ugly thing.
Look @ ur face like my anuz
With your head like wolnut.

Yet another jobless citizen.. If you can't read between the lines for advice, please tell me how you expect to be employed. Pained anumanu

lrguru:
wanted to say same thing. Don't mind d muumu, instead of her to advice on how to make ur cv marketable, she's there feelin funky with that yeye job. People like her are not worth been in HR, and glad she was just a pretend.

Advice graduates on how to market their cv in this jet age?? When Google is at your finger tips... Smh for you oo

Damalex4luv:

Why should I read the write-up, she only post her opinions which may not work for others and besides the whole write-up does not makes much sense to me. You can go to he'll and give up on yourself

I smell what is known as floccinaucinihilipilification.



Don't quote me again pleas.

Its quite true, the content of the write up. I was fortunate to get an enlightenment from jobberman's cv write-up evaluator n knew my cv, may not stand a real test. Thoh i got experiences, but in the process of adding new places if work, i ended up using a wrong format, to edit it n printing out a hardcopy, saw the flaws.watch yours too n mind your choice of english.
From my present position, have gotren to be able to read cv's too, and must of them, you keep wondering, what the applicants mastered, till the very end! Frustrating, it really is.
Still, wish those applying for jobs, take tine n read the adverts first n ask themselves, if they r really fit for such posts, before applying

It looks like a joke, but this was recently recieved.

tommenoh:
It looks like a joke, but this was recently recieved.

...like we have never seen this over and over again, so, how is it one the ''several'' you have received lately
Must we always pretend to be whom we aint Kai!

here:


Just to ask,how do we then think those in mail rooms of both corporate and NIPOST survive?
Do you know there was a time when you get letter it was garri that was used to seal it?
We have learnt to survive. Do you have any friends in management positions in Nigeria? Ask them their experience, some get to work and find even charms or oil at various places like at doors or even seeds under their table;infact I learnt of one whose tea cup was poisoned.
Welcome to Africa bro, but rather than mourn it we have learnt to live with it.

lol... The bolded got me cracking

You are damn right... 'Office/official' juju is now on the increase...

I assume this article is meant to enlighten numerous job seekers out there, but unfortunately, it has failed to hit the broad of the barn because the Op is just too grumpy and dismissive.

Needless to say it has given me something to sink my teeth into and I'll shoot it straight to let the OP understand what I mean.

For one, if you say Nigerian graduates are unemployable, are you saying there is mad rush here in Nigeria to employ graduates from other parts of the world because the ones we have are supposedly unemployable? Of course, the answer to that is a resounding no. You could say there are no jobs and as a result, the employers are looking for flimsy excuses to reject your application, ranging from the shape of your brow to the pattern of your dentition. But to make a blanket statement that Nigerian graduates are unemployable shows ignorance on your part and this idea should be discarded to trash can where it rightly belongs.

Raalsalghul:
To tell you the truth: I really wanted to like your post, but I can't help but noticed how your points contradicts each other. While some of your points made sense, the others didn't. What you've written here is mediocre at best and can't be valued as quality advice. Secondly, the statement “Nigerian graduates are unemployable” is becoming somewhat of a cliché that has been used to death: if there are no jobs, why don't you tell us and stop the blame game. Furthermore, I have read widely and know what it takes to be employable and anywhere I go I see some graduates if not all that are employable and it baffles me that employers still give this cliché reason of “Nigerian graduates are unemployable”. Why don't you people rephrase the statement like this: “Some Nigerian graduates are unemployable” or “Most Nigerian graduates are unemployable” rather than giving us the same trite excuse of “Nigerian graduates are unemployable”. Finally, so what, we are unemployable, but what have you employers done to drastically decrease the un employability of Nigerian graduates. Have you carried out seminars, career fairs e.t.c in Nigerian universities making them aware of the requirements of employability. Have the employers ever picked up potential candidates and trained them up to their standards. Oh! Let me guess: no, because you are trying to save costs and maximise profits and the only way you can mask that is by resorting to the cliché sentence of “Nigerian graduates are unemployable”. If your write up is meant to impress and squeeze out praises from me, then am sorry you have failed because your write up is formulaic, trite, cliché and mediocre.

You've really nailed it! Nothing more to add and nothing more to subtract.

Krysstie:
One of the most common Nigerian trend is for unemployed graduates to lament about sending out their CVs over a hundred times a month without getting a single feedback. They even curse the government for not giving them jobs.


http://houseofmo.com/diary-of-a-pretend-hr/

you said something about guest writing in your post which got my attention. do you know any person/website that need articles to be written by a guest writer without paying. if you do, kindly let me know. I want to do some pro bono work soon...