₦airaland Forum

raayah:
I personally don't mind dishing food for my husband but if I cannot do it because i'm busy. He should understand.

Men are not babies.
They should be able to plate their own food.
Its better because you will be able to access the amount of food you want instead of sending your wife up and down.

Since its marriage, communicate with your husband. Tell him you are not comfortable and suggest a better way of serving his food. I would suggest putting the food in a big dish while your husband serves himself from there.


It seems you already do this. You are doing all the housework and cooking meals for him and he is still asking for "complete service". I think you married a baby. If he is hungry, he will plate his food. I think there is a bigger issue in your marriage.

Wen U marry try that with ur husband.

.....As far as i am concerned,the man and woman in question are two big and senseless foools bickering over nonsense.

...Food has been bought,prepared and served..now the bone of contention is to serve or not to serve between supposedly married and sane couple

The next thing is that they will both head to Igando Magistrate court for divorce basesd on this same serve or not to serve food issue.

..'I must marry because my friends are married or my family insists i marry' is the cause of all this crappy stories about marriage no doubt..anyway thats their cup of tea.

..

I never thought this would ever be an issue to any woman. OP, how were u raised? Did your mom dish out food for your dad? If she did, did she lose anything in the process? If she didnt, how is it a big deal for you? It all depends on how you were raised. Most likely, people like you would prefer if he actually did the cooking for u.
My wife is American and she has done that for the past 10 years we've been together. How is it a big deal for a Nigerian woman where the culture still thrives?

pretydiva:
D man is just being immature imo

. Seriously? U think so? Cus I don't

Women get wahali no be small. It's the same women that will go from one church to ther other praying for a life partner and when they eventually get married, they end their marriage over flimsy issues such as this. You cook for them, serve him and can't just travel a bit further to dish his food? I'm not saying it is right or wrong but don't bring problems unto your marriage for something so flimsy.

edwife:
Don't mind them,the same people here when you ask them how many of them do the plumbing,electrical repairs or car servicing will raise their hands.But when it comes to cooking and house-chores it is equality.

Have you watched soul food,the black american series?and most of Tyler perry movies?

After all this is Nairaland.....

Manual labor is very cheap in Nigeria. Men do not have to bother about it. Also everyone can fix simple things in the home. It is not rocket science.

Where was your opinion when he was paying your brideprice and list?
Is it now you suddenly want to start having an opinion?

Wrong damn time

Mcheeewww

Watch out for this upcoming topic 'Is it right for my husband to kiss me every nite b4 goig to bed? Advice needed pls'!

Some people ehn!

I comment my reserve!

She should dish it, like someone said, it takes nothing from her. Dont let small things cause unnecessary problems in your marriage.

Some men can be so unreasonable and act really childish sha ......

I don't see anytin wrong in dishing ur husband's food unless u want someone else to do it for u

panegyrics:
If that's wat he want, u dnt av choice, U MUST ALWAYS DISH FOR HIM. He owns the final say in the house as the head of the family. Our men always want us(women) to be pampering them like baby and that's wat they are in our hand. At least after breast feeding the baby during the day, we breast feed them in the night....

Ahhhhh....ahhhhhh.......ahhhhhh.....ahhhhhhh!!!

Even my father as old and as traditional as he is takes a dishing spoon, scoops his meal into his plate and eats it.

Chai! I think the problem is from his upbringing. He's either a brat or he's just looking for a way to be the grinch(thief of joy).

Serve him to avoid trouble. By trouble I don't mean cheating coz he who wants to cheat will cheat even if you are his slave. Trouble here refers to unhappiness and friction between the two of you.

Try to talk him into dishing his own food in a kind way. Attacking him will not work.

/

Jahblessme:
Everyone's home is different.
If a woman feels like its just not her cup of tea to dish out food,it's who she is.Does that make her a bad person?NO.Does that make her home less happy than yours? No.
If the man grew up in a home where his mother dished the food and gazed adoringly at her husband while he ate every morsel,it's understandable that he'd expect to see the same replicated in his home.
If 2 people like this jam whats the solution? They must meet mid way or resentment will build up.
I'd be offended if i'm told 'I wont eat because service is not complete'..wtf? Some other person would laugh it off.I'm not also one to be bothered if food is rejected...I grew up seeing my dad doing this very often so i became immune to it so if i was the wife in this situation declining to eat would be wasted on me.
In our home we eat together most times,sometimes he dishes for me sometimes i dish for him..Depends on what's happening.I may just not be in the mood to fix anything and he takes over.Does it make his blokos shrivel?NO.Does it make me grow a blokos?NO.Point is we are serving each other happily.

Forcing someone to do something makes the person more resistant and resentful.We shouldn't force our expectations on others.That your father or ancestor did it doesn't mean your partner will want to do it.Happiness of a home is dependent on compromise and every member feeling included.
The fact that someone may view this as a form of slavery is up to that person affected,after all everyone comes from a different place and from different standards.If Ms A feels she's too busy to dish food or sit around chatting,i don't know her situation so cannot judge. However,meal times are a good time for a family to bond. If she feels she has to provide 'service' by forcefully dishing the food and waiting on him hand and food while he eats,its easy to see how she won't want to spend extra time in his company.. If such an act does not come from a loving place,its useless.

I grew up watching my dad served hand and foot in this kind of manner,it was a chore to my mother. Ofcourse I resented such an act and knew I wouldn't be forced into doing such a thing.However,I went and married a man who is so chilled and didn't make a big deal of serve me and watch me eat.It just flowed for us cos I know he'd do same for me and the kids without batting an eyelid.

Different strokes different folks.If a man lovingly leads by example,or kindly shows what he likes, his wife will turn into certified mugu for him.
Simple as ABC

Impeccable!

Ur comment portray ur marrital status.dn't wori wen u get married jst do as u ve said

pretydiva:
D man is just being immature imo

It isn't a big deal but it is an issue when it gets in the way of preparation for work out getting the kids ready for school.

Only a foolish woman would see this as a problem

just dish the food for him,if you want ur man 2 stay wit u.

I know a man who 'pursued' his wife because she repeatedly failed to fry the red oil before using it to cook beans for him .

Jahblessme:
Everyone's home is different.
If a woman feels like its just not her cup of tea to dish out food,it's who she is.Does that make her a bad person?NO.Does that make her home less happy than yours? No.
If the man grew up in a home where his mother dished the food and gazed adoringly at her husband while he ate every morsel,it's understandable that he'd expect to see the same replicated in his home.
If 2 people like this jam whats the solution? They must meet mid way or resentment will build up.
I'd be offended if i'm told 'I wont eat because service is not complete'..wtf? Some other person would laugh it off.I'm not also one to be bothered if food is rejected...I grew up seeing my dad doing this very often so i became immune to it so if i was the wife in this situation declining to eat would be wasted on me.
In our home we eat together most times,sometimes he dishes for me sometimes i dish for him..Depends on what's happening.I may just not be in the mood to fix anything and he takes over.Does it make his blokos shrivel?NO.Does it make me grow a blokos?NO.Point is we are serving each other happily.

Forcing someone to do something makes the person more resistant and resentful.We shouldn't force our expectations on others.That your father or ancestor did it doesn't mean your partner will want to do it.Happiness of a home is dependent on compromise and every member feeling included.
The fact that someone may view this as a form of slavery is up to that person affected,after all everyone comes from a different place and from different standards.If Ms A feels she's too busy to dish food or sit around chatting,i don't know her situation so cannot judge. However,meal times are a good time for a family to bond. If she feels she has to provide 'service' by forcefully dishing the food and waiting on him hand and food while he eats,its easy to see how she won't want to spend extra time in his company.. If such an act does not come from a loving place,its useless.

I grew up watching my dad served hand and foot in this kind of manner,it was a chore to my mother. Ofcourse I resented such an act and knew I wouldn't be forced into doing such a thing.However,I went and married a man who is so chilled and didn't make a big deal of serve me and watch me eat.It just flowed for us cos I know he'd do same for me and the kids without batting an eyelid.

Different strokes different folks.If a man lovingly leads by example,or kindly shows what he likes, his wife will turn into certified mugu for him.
Simple as ABC

Wow!

[size=13pt] My friend wants to divorce his wife and she doesnt even know it, he says if they have a slight argument, she keeps malice and wont cook his dinner after a long day at work, if he soaks his shirt and leaves for a business trip, the woman wont touch the clothes...... He wants to get a house help the woman says no, He was thinking about impregnating another girl outside to piss the wife off so bad she will leave his house...... All these modern women cause most of the problems they have, talking about equality, how about that nurturing heart God or nature has placed within you, the nurturing heart that every man naturally loves ?? Feminists (who are mostly heartbroken, bitter or lesbianwomen ) have deceived you.

Don't serve your husband o, he will find a young beautiful lady who will even put food in his mouth followed by a peck[/size]

raayah:
I personally don't mind dishing food for my husband but if I cannot do it because i'm busy. He should understand.

Men are not babies.
They should be able to plate their own food.
Its better because you will be able to access the amount of food you want instead of sending your wife up and down.

Since its marriage, communicate with your husband. Tell him you are not comfortable and suggest a better way of serving his food. I would suggest putting the food in a big dish while your husband serves himself from there.


It seems you already do this. You are doing all the housework and cooking meals for him and he is still asking for "complete service". I think you married a baby. If he is hungry, he will plate his food. I think there is a bigger issue in your marriage.

Careful now...tread carefully. Theoretically you're very correct, but practically, he converse obtains and we all know that when it comes to it, the practical is what counts. Again, thread softly.

You see ladies, the key to a man is in your hands. KNOW YOUR MAN! If you can find this thumb-screw (and possibly in this instance, his is wanting a wife who completely or nearly so, worships him evidenced by his need for her spooning his meal when it's due) you'll CONTROL ANY MAN! No matter how powerful, ruthless, rich, miserly, or poor!

Woman, you have the equivalent of a powerful weapon to use to get your way with your man (positively I mean). Pamper him and watch his mumu switch be forever lit.

U cook food for am but u no fit dish am abi??.....congratulations.........he will find someone else who will dish n even spoon feed him.....mumu woman

SmartMugu:
I never thought this would ever be an issue to any woman. OP, how were u raised? Did your mom dish out food for your dad? If she did, did she lose anything in the process? If she didnt, how is it a big deal for you? It all depends on how you were raised. Most likely, people like you would prefer if he actually did the cooking for u.
My wife is American and she has done that for the past 10 years we've been together. How is it a big deal for a Nigerian woman where the culture still thrives?

Which culture thrives? The Nigerian culture is drying up daily. Shebi na you talk say your american wife dey serve you food. These third world, mat-dining mufuckas are feeling more pious than the pope. Why do you think the rate of divorce in Nogeria is through the roof? These fools are uncultured, unexposed, unexposed and uninformed. They know diddly-squat about jackshit.

I bet you have enslaved that your American wife. Shame on you, sir. Bloody slave owner.

Jahblessme:
Everyone's home is different.
If a woman feels like its just not her cup of tea to dish out food,it's who she is.Does that make her a bad person?NO.Does that make her home less happy than yours? No.
If the man grew up in a home where his mother dished the food and gazed adoringly at her husband while he ate every morsel,it's understandable that he'd expect to see the same replicated in his home.
If 2 people like this jam whats the solution? They must meet mid way or resentment will build up.
I'd be offended if i'm told 'I wont eat because service is not complete'..wtf? Some other person would laugh it off.I'm not also one to be bothered if food is rejected...I grew up seeing my dad doing this very often so i became immune to it so if i was the wife in this situation declining to eat would be wasted on me.
In our home we eat together most times,sometimes he dishes for me sometimes i dish for him..Depends on what's happening.I may just not be in the mood to fix anything and he takes over.Does it make his blokos shrivel?NO.Does it make me grow a blokos?NO.Point is we are serving each other happily.

Forcing someone to do something makes the person more resistant and resentful.We shouldn't force our expectations on others.That your father or ancestor did it doesn't mean your partner will want to do it.Happiness of a home is dependent on compromise and every member feeling included.
The fact that someone may view this as a form of slavery is up to that person affected,after all everyone comes from a different place and from different standards.If Ms A feels she's too busy to dish food or sit around chatting,i don't know her situation so cannot judge. However,meal times are a good time for a family to bond. If she feels she has to provide 'service' by forcefully dishing the food and waiting on him hand and food while he eats,its easy to see how she won't want to spend extra time in his company.. If such an act does not come from a loving place,its useless.

I grew up watching my dad served hand and foot in this kind of manner,it was a chore to my mother. Ofcourse I resented such an act and knew I wouldn't be forced into doing such a thing.However,I went and married a man who is so chilled and didn't make a big deal of serve me and watch me eat.It just flowed for us cos I know he'd do same for me and the kids without batting an eyelid.

Different strokes different folks.If a man lovingly leads by example,or kindly shows what he likes, his wife will turn into certified mugu for him.
Simple as ABC

Oh my goodness!!! This comment literally made my day. Couldn't have said it any better.

4C2215131:
Careful now...tread carefully. Theoretically you're very correct, but practically, he converse obtains and we all know that when it comes to it, the practical is what counts. Again, thread softly.

You see ladies, the key to a man is in your hands. KNOW YOUR MAN! If you can find this thumb-screw (and possibly in this instance, his is wanting a wife who completely or nearly so, worships him evidenced by his need for her spooning his meal when it's due) you'll CONTROL ANY MAN! No matter how powerful, ruthless, rich, miserly, or poor!

Woman, you have the equivalent of a powerful weapon to use to get your way with your man (positively I mean). Pamper him and watch his mumu switch be forever lit.

you are right. beautifully composed.

raayah:
I personally don't mind dishing food for my husband but if I cannot do it because i'm busy. He should understand.

Men are not babies.
They should be able to plate their own food.
Its better because you will be able to access the amount of food you want instead of sending your wife up and down.

Since its marriage, communicate with your husband. Tell him you are not comfortable and suggest a better way of serving his food. I would suggest putting the food in a big dish while your husband serves himself from there.


It seems you already do this. You are doing all the housework and cooking meals for him and he is still asking for "complete service". I think you married a baby. If he is hungry, he will plate his food. I think there is a bigger issue in your marriage.

Its your type that invites avoidable problems in marriage that leads to level of irreconcilable differences. A woman who loves her husband and cherishes the peace in her home would not do things to generate disaffection. Every wise woman buildeth her home, but the foolish plucketh it down. Wisdom is profitable to direct.

No! Just dey there until his office posts him to Calabar and a girl who just graduated from the fattening house lays her hands on him, no be only dish she go dish his food, she will use her mouth to put the food into his mouth and you will come back here to advise you on how you can win your husband back.

Joy1706:
Please I will want to know the opinion of people.
My husband insists I dish his food. For instance, if I set the food on the table with plates and cutlery, he prefers I dish onto his plate, that it shows complete service.i think otherwise because I might be busy attending to other chores. This morning he almost left for work without taking breakfast and when i asked why he was leaving, he said the service was not complete. So I had to leave what I was doing to dish food for him.

What are your views on this?
*culled from facebook*

o.o






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