Herapal:
Your signature tells that you know Canibus and Webb.

hehe!

cococandy:

It all depends my brother.
I know that personally for someone I loved, a few years won't be enough to mourn them.
I even say that as young as I am now, if something were to happen to my DH, I won't marry again. Doesn't mean I won't move on eventually. But I won't judge people based on my own standards.

OP said they didn't have a good marriage. Who knows if they are even his real parents abi the story is copy and paste. We dey here dey tear our dross.

Anyway a Bad marriage could mean a whole lot of things. Cheating, beatings, etc etc. In light of that, I think 6 months is a befitting respect period. If I was in a bad marriage and Couldn't leave because of reasons best known to me, the man dies, I would mourn like two weeks and moved on to the next bobo. (make dem sue me)

Talking about tradition, I've seen men marry 6 months after their wives died. When did they court the lady? Yet people come to their weddings and rejoice, wish them well and pray for them.
Now mommy is dating and the heavens want to fall. Somehow she must have killed the man according to majority of posters here. I wonder why I never hear that when a man's wife dies and he decides to move on so soon.

That's one skewed tradition. As are most anyway.

no mind them

Awon oni yeye

AikayDaWrapper:
let the dead not disrupt the life of the living.

The man has died and 6 months is more than enough. I even think it's too much.

gbam and op if you're still not happy with the men she's bringing home you can start by doing what those men are doing to your mom in the barroom then the men won't come again

ikubch:

The fact that you will share in the shame esp in your area makes me pity you. I don't envy you at all. Tell her your mind and prepare for independence.

THAT IS RIGHT MY MEN

cococandy:

It all depends my brother.
I know that personally for someone I loved, a few years won't be enough to mourn them.
I even say that as young as I am now, if something were to happen to my DH, I won't marry again. Doesn't mean I won't move on eventually. But I won't judge people based on my own standards.

OP said they didn't have a good marriage. Who knows if they are even his real parents abi the story is copy and paste. We dey here dey tear our dross.

Anyway a Bad marriage could mean a whole lot of things. Cheating, beatings, etc etc. In light of that, I think 6 months is a befitting respect period. If I was in a bad marriage and Couldn't leave because of reasons best known to me, the man dies, I would mourn like two weeks and moved on to the next bobo. (make dem sue me)

Talking about tradition, I've seen men marry 6 months after their wives died. When did they court the lady? Yet people come to their weddings and rejoice, wish them well and pray for them.
Now mommy is dating and the heavens want to fall. Somehow she must have killed the man according to majority of posters here. I wonder why I never hear that when a man's wife dies and he decides to move on so soon.

That's one skewed tradition. As are most anyway.

@ bold, exactly. I try not to judge people. Let alone judging them by my standard. Like you said, the bad marriage could mean so many things including cheating and beating. How is a woman who was constantly cheated on or beaten actually mourn the man for a long time.

The double standard in our part of the world is really disturbing and to think even some women support it is disgraceful to say the least. I have heard of a man who married the woman he came to his wife's funeral just four months after the wife died. It was not in the news. Some men who don't marry immediately, start going from one woman to another and it's fine according to society. Then when it's a woman, people make it their business and want to tell her when to move on. I am glad women are beginning to shun society and do what makes them happy.

Yea. Like I said before the issue is that there are different men.

But even if it was only one man, I'm sure folks would still complain.
In fact even if it was 5yrs after they would still complain. One boy was complaining here a few days ago how the mom is dating again after the died (he's been dead for yrs according to the post)

It's in our blood to police women right into the grave. After she's been buried, her spirit still has to live by some 'societal rules' made by society. AKA misogynist men and women too weak to say 'this is not fair'.



.

babygirlfl:


@ bold, exactly. I try not to judge people. Let alone judging them by my standard. Like you said, the bad marriage could mean so many things including cheating and beating. How is a woman who was constantly cheated on or beaten actually mourn the man for a long time.

The double standard in our part of the world is really disturbing and to think even some women support it is disgraceful to say the least. I have heard of a man who married the woman he came to his wife's funeral just four months after the wife died. It was not in the news. Some men who don't marry immediately, start going from one woman to another and it's fine according to society. Then when it's a woman, people make it their business and want to tell her when to move on. I am glad women are beginning to shun society and do what makes them happy.

cococandy:
Six months later,
It's not an affair.

The only issue is that there are many of them as the poster said. If it was only one person, then it's not a problem.
Till death do them part.

you mean just 6 months later it's ok to bring a man to her late husband's house?



You people are demons

cococandy:
Yea. Like I said before the issue is that there are different men.

But even if it was only one man, I'm sure folks would still complain.
In fact even if it was 5yrs after they would still complain. One boy was complaining here a few days ago how the mom is dating again after the died (he's been dead for yrs according to the post)

It's in our blood to police women right into the grave. After she's been buried, her spirit still has to live by some 'societal rules' made by society. AKA misogynist men and women too weak to say 'this is not fair'.



.

xtervaganza:
you mean just 6 months later it's ok to bring a man to her late husband's house?



You people are demons

So when will it be okay?
No seriously. I just want to get your opinion.

Is it okay after 1yr?

MsGlobalwonder:
.... because you were her partner so you are so sure. I see

attacking everybody, i sight ur frustration girl, its happens when people lack customers, i saw a report dat fuel price is up in naija maybe dats d reason u lack customers, but u can still paste ur night stand price on ur signature u might be lucky to get customers from nairaland.

MsGlobalwonder:
don't personalise this issue and start throwing insults and tantrums. The woman has not committed any offence! She may not be religious, and even religion states "... till death do you part" which is the case. There is no specific time-frame culturally (that I know of) for a woman to mourn. It's all a personal decision and discretion! If she truly enjoyed her marriage she won't move on easily. Even moving on after a very good courtship that can't just hold is difficult. She doesn't feel she needs to mourn more than she has mourned, she has every right to move on! You pple should spare the woman! Arghhh!!

am not dissapointed in u, exactly wat i expected from a dullard like u, u dont have a bit of suprise in u.

cococandy:
Yea. Like I said before the issue is that there are different men.

But even if it was only one man, I'm sure folks would still complain.
In fact even if it was 5yrs after they would still complain. One boy was complaining here a few days ago how the mom is dating again after the died (he's been dead for yrs according to the post)

It's in our blood to police women right into the grave. After she's been buried, her spirit still has to live by some 'societal rules' made by society. AKA misogynist men and women too weak to say 'this is not fair'.



.

I agreed with the part about different men even in my first post. Reading through comments however, you will realise that it's not the only thing people are complaining about. Some are even saying she killed her husband as it was too early to move on.

The bit about policing women got me lol. That is just so funny but true.

coogar:


the woman is a disgrace.....
she must be a nymphö! where's the decorum? if she must shäg, it should have been in the man's crib not in the same bed her late husband once slept.

the OP should go to his dad's grave & invoke his spirit. if his spirit is irked, the new boyfriend could get his ass whöoped by a spiritual horsewhip in the next sex session.

you are absolutely funny. You are after the feelings of a dead man and forget his live wife also has feelings both within her legs and without. Stop being a masochist. Most men aren't faithful. I am part of that group so stop critisizing women without cause.

Acidosis:



It is disgusting, unheard of, and shameless. Only a woman without a SOUL will make love to another man on her late husband's bed.

loool. You are getting emotional here. I see three things here: the act, the location and the timing.
The Act: i'll try to be as disinterested as possible, leaving my values and beliefs aside. She is dating and perhaps having sex with someone. Technically she is fornicating and not adultery. Everyone have sex. Sex is banal now. She is not cheating on anyone even if she decides it party or some crazy orgies she wants! No one has any right to question anyone's morality even if the person feels pious.

The timing:death terminates every contracts and agreements between a husband and a wife culturally and even in most religion. Widow(er) decides the duration of mourning mostly due to the impact their late spouse have in their life. Some (even men) decide not to marry again because of the kind of bond they shared and they are so sure their late spouse is irreplaceable. Good. Great. Commendable.... But it should not be a yardstick for others. So for someone that waited 6months and now dating someone (or maybe some people) ,there is absolutely nothing wrong with that; that's if we are not sentimental and all emotional about it!
Location: most people are saying it should not he in her matrimonial home. I say what does it matter? It's also her home!! It's also her bed! Eni to ti ku ti ku! The dead can't lay on the bed, only the living can. The children should mind their business. If they are adults, and are not comfortable with the reality and goings-on; they can get their own apartment. It's not like u caught them having sex in the living room. You barged into her private room. You have no right whatsoever to chastise your mum! She is in her house! The house her and her late husband owned! If they are underage, they should learn manners not to barge into someone's room. Face their studies and their lives as their darling mum is facing hers.

Man,I must confess u need to know the true cause of your dad's death

daretodiffer:


Does it matter? Not everyone is as fragile as yourself. If she is ready to move in she should move on. The man is dead. He is not coming back even she waited for twelve years before moving on

Ermmm......there is no need pretending like she cared when she does not....it wasn't like they had great marriage sef

I support this stance. Probably she did not love the man that much and the child just got to know.

Well, life continues sha. But she should stick to one man. Multiple men makes her look like a loose woman.

she is wishing ur dead before!!! opportunity come but once,

she is wishing ur dad death before!!! opportunity come but once,

cococandy:

So when will it be okay?
No seriously. I just want to get your opinion.

Is it okay after 1yr?

how do you simply get over someone you love in just 6 months?


Even if it was a loveless marriage it is morally wrong

xtervaganza:
how do you simply get over someone you love in just 6 months?


Even if it was a loveless marriage it is morally wrong

Okay then. So I'm asking you specifically if 6 months isn't good.

How long do you think is good.
7 months, a year, 2yrs?
After how long will the presence of another man in that house not cause raised eyebrows?
Just your honest opinion.

Morally wrong? She's not cheating on the husband. so there's no business with morals in this case.

Just etiquette.

coogar:


the woman is a disgrace.....
she must be a nymphö! where's the decorum? if she must shäg, it should have been in the man's crib not in the same bed her late husband once slept.

the OP should go to his dad's grave & invoke his spirit. if his spirit is irked, the new boyfriend could get his ass whöoped by a spiritual horsewhip in the next sex session.

oboy dis one dey dangerous oh... D living and d dead no dey share d same bedroom ooo

rapmike:


I support this stance. Probably she did not love the man that much and the child just got to know.

Well, life continues sha. But she should stick to one man. Multiple men makes her look like a loose woman.

I agree.

cococandy:

@bold,
Story.

dat woman no fit hold body tail oooo.. D thing wey dey in between her legs don dey go gangas!!

cococandy:

@bold,
Story.

dat woman no fit hold body tail oooo.. D thing wey dey in between her legs don dey go gangas!!

cococandy:

It all depends my brother.
I know that personally for someone I loved, a few years won't be enough to mourn them.
I even say that as young as I am now, if something were to happen to my DH, I won't marry again. Doesn't mean I won't move on eventually. But I won't judge people based on my own standards.

OP said they didn't have a good marriage. Who knows if they are even his real parents abi the story is copy and paste. We dey here dey tear our dross.

Anyway a Bad marriage could mean a whole lot of things. Cheating, beatings, etc etc. In light of that, I think 6 months is a befitting respect period. If I was in a bad marriage and Couldn't leave because of reasons best known to me, the man dies, I would mourn like two weeks and moved on to the next bobo. (make dem sue me)

Talking about tradition, I've seen men marry 6 months after their wives died. When did they court the lady? Yet people come to their weddings and rejoice, wish them well and pray for them.
Now mommy is dating and the heavens want to fall. Somehow she must have killed the man according to majority of posters here. I wonder why I never hear that when a man's wife dies and he decides to move on so soon.

That's one skewed tradition. As are most anyway.

I feel you. But the fact that men do it doesn't make it right though. Man or woman, something wrong is still wrong. The Grave is still too fresh to bring in another man (or woman) into the very bed your deceased partner shared with you, with total disregard for your children and their feelings.
6 months is unacceptable for me. At least 1yr.

You can date him, even f--k him, whatever, but dont bring him home yet. Dont make it official yet. Think of how the kids will feel. How can you look your daughter in the face and stop her from sleeping around with men.

But it's my own opinion though.

cococandy:

Yea but if your brother lost his wife you wouldn't mind him moving on 6months later.

Dont make it a man vs woman affair. This is wrong. Women always defend women until their son becomes a man.

By the way, you this cococandy. . . . You seem familiar. . . . . . . . . I remember you

Where is your sister?

MsGlobalwonder:
loool. You are getting emotional here. I see three things here: the act, the location and the timing.
The Act: i'll try to be as disinterested as possible, leaving my values and beliefs aside. She is dating and perhaps having sex with someone. Technically she is fornicating and not adultery. Everyone have sex. Sex is banal now. She is not cheating on anyone even if she decides it party or some crazy orgies she wants! No one has any right to question anyone's morality even if the person feels pious.

The timing:death terminates every contracts and agreements between a husband and a wife culturally and even in most religion. Widow(er) decides the duration of mourning mostly due to the impact their late spouse have in their life. Some (even men) decide not to marry again because of the kind of bond they shared and they are so sure their late spouse is irreplaceable. Good. Great. Commendable.... But it should not be a yardstick for others. So for someone that waited 6months and now dating someone (or maybe some people) ,there is absolutely nothing wrong with that; that's if we are not sentimental and all emotional about it!
Location: most people are saying it should not he in her matrimonial home. I say what does it matter? It's also her home!! It's also her bed! Eni to ti ku ti ku! The dead can't lay on the bed, only the living can. The children should mind their business. If they are adults, and are not comfortable with the reality and goings-on; they can get their own apartment. It's not like u caught them having sex in the living room. You barged into her private room. You have no right whatsoever to chastise your mum! She is in her house! The house her and her late husband owned! If they are underage, they should learn manners not to barge into someone's room. Face their studies and their lives as their darling mum is facing hers.

Just answer this question:

Would you allow your unmarried daughter have sex with a guy in your house?

Yes or No

It's a pity. But considering the fact that your dad may not have been faithful to your mum too and also if your mum was the one that died, my dear your father will start keeping girlfriends even before your mum's burial, I will say that you should take it easy with your mum. What your mum is doing may not be right but the truth is men (that includes your dad) do worst things and we women exonerate them be saying that it's a man's world.

@ OP,

You don't have to worry yourself to death because of your mum's inordinate love affair. Are you working? If yes, then you can afford to buy yourself some fun once in a while by bringing lovepeddlers to your house. Let them spend the weekend if possible, cook and wash for you at agreed fee. Let them know that your mum is just your aunty living with you.

Don't be surprised to notice that those men that come to shag your mum would want to taste your babes too. That would drive your mama crazy and her 16MB brain will reset to default. She will invite you for a heart to hear discussion.

There are certain things you just can't do in the presence of your kids even if they seem to be the right thing to do.

xtervaganza:
you mean just 6 months later it's ok to bring a man to her late husband's house?



You people are demons

Marriage contract is till death do them part.

Once a partner is dead, the living party is as free as a bird to do as them deem fit.

It's not an affair. She is dating

By the way how did ur dad treat your mum when he was alive?

toshmann:


Dont make it a man vs woman affair. This is wrong. Women always defend women until their son becomes a man.

By the way, you this cococandy. . . . You seem familiar. . . . . . . . . I remember you

Where is your sister?

Why not? If people would accuse the man of killing his wife because he moved on then I wouldn't bother to mention it. But since they don't, pointing out the hypocrisy is very necessary.

@bold lol. That's for those who don't have daughters too.

Oh my sister? she's fine.

toshmann:


I feel you. But the fact that men do it doesn't make it right though. Man or woman, something wrong is still wrong. The Grave is still too fresh to bring in another man (or woman) into the very bed your deceased partner shared with you, with total disregard for your children and their feelings.
6 months is unacceptable for me. At least 1yr.

You can date him, even f--k him, whatever, but dont bring him home yet. Dont make it official yet. Think of how the kids will feel. How can you look your daughter in the face and stop her from sleeping around with men.

But it's my own opinion though.

@bold, So what's the difference then?
Anyway that's what most people do.
Hide their love affairs so that people won't judge them. They are still not different from those who do it openly.